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Online Christian Dating or Courtship?

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Christian Singles Dating

Recently, a pastor friend of mine explained why he is not only against online Christian dating, but also the concept of dating in general. While he did not come out and say that dating is unbiblical (there are some Christians who feel this way), he argued that it cheapens the courtship process and encourages single Christians to enter casual relationships that are here today and gone tomorrow.

The pastor started out by rightly reminding me that dating is a relatively new phenomenon of the last hundred years or so. Before that time, singles were said to court one another. Courtship was not a casual thing to do on a Friday night, but a serious process whereby the families of the single gal and single guy decide whether or not marriage should be the end result. Romance and personal choice took a back seat to practicality: Is he able to support her? Does she cook, sew well and love children? Do the families make a good fit?

Overall, my friend feels the courtship system is much more advantageous than the present system of dating:

Courtship will save singles from entering casual relationships where sexual impurity and heartache can occur.
Since courtship is more or less supervised by the families, singles have less a chance to make wrong, harmful and impulsive decisions.
Courtship encourages commitment to one person, which carries over into the Christian marriage relationship.

Dating and Courtship is Not an Either/Or Proposition

I had several responses for my pastor friend. The first sentences came out this way: Get real! While the idea of an old-fashioned courtship has some virtue in it, how many twenty-something or thirty-something Christian singles would buy into such a system? How many Christian families would be willing to make a courtship covenant? A solution must be realistic if it is to be the norm.”

Secondly, Christian dating does not have to devolve into the sex sin relationships that we see in the world. Christian dating services fill a need that many families and churches are not meeting. So why condemn all forms of dating just because the world abuses it?

I have one dear friend who met her fiance though an online Christian matchmaking site. Their two year long distance dating relationship has been anything but casual, but a conscious process leading toward marriage. Before committing in person they had spent over six months just communicating on a heart level via e-mail. Afterwards, they both met each other’s families, who approved of the relationship. Each party also enlisted the help of their respective pastors and friends to help them through the engagement process. I am happy to say that my friend is getting married this coming June (and I am singing in the wedding).
Here we have an example of a single Christian couple who used an online Christian dating service, but incorporated elements of the courtship process by seeking advice from their families and churches.

The lesson here? Dating and Courtship does not have to be an either/or proposition for Christian singles. It’s possible to combine the best of both. So what are your thoughts about online Christian dating and courtship? Do you take an either/or stand on the issue?

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Kissing A Christian Dating Service Hello

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Only a few years ago, using an online Christian dating service was in large part taboo with Christian Singles. To be fair, it wasn’t just single Christians who thought using a Christian dating service or online dating site was a kooky or even sleazy thing to try.

For example, a 1997 poll revealed that less than 5% of singles in the U.S. and abroad would even consider using a dating site or chatroom. Today, over 60% of singles have either used or are seriously considering using online matchmaking services. Not a few of these have been Christian dating singles looking for a Christians soul mate through a Christian dating service. In fact, niche specialty, Christian dating services catering to Christians are one of the fastest growing segments on the web. Just do a Google search on the term “Christian dating service”, and you’ll see what I mean.

Why Christian Dating Services Are Growing

Why are more and more Christian Singles using online Christian dating services? What are some pros for using a Christian dating service? For starters, as Christians have become more comfortable surfing the web, they have also become more familiar with the many different Christian matchmaking, Christian chatrooms, Christian pen pals and Christian personals sites.

Many of these Christian dating services, like eHarmony, also mass market in traditional venues like radio and TV. Look, I don’t watch much TV (except maybe American Idol) but I bet I’ve seen that grandfatherly, smiling face of Dr. Neil Clarke Warren, the eHarmony founder, at least fifty times in the last year espousing how easy it is to meet that special someone. Familiarity may breed contempt in some relationships, but not with marketing: It breeds trust.

Single Christians Using a Christian Dating Service and the Church

Beyond familiarity and savvy marketing techniques, more and more single Christians are using Christian dating services for the simple reason that most churches are not geared toward meeting needs of single adults. How many churches go out of their way to form ministries and singles groups where Christian guys and gals can really get to know each other and grow relationships? I can tell you from our ministry and ongoing survey spot research that there are far too few churches reaching out in creative ways to single Christians.

I firmly believe that a local church is a God ordained great place to grow spiritually and find fellowship and serve others. That’s why we are building an online singles group and Christian coffeehouse directory at Christian-Dating-Service-PLUS. We want to help Christians connect locally, while also providing publicity for singles group ministries and churches that are reaching out.

Christian Dating Services Meet A Need

Overall, I see a Christian Dating Service as one alternative for meeting other single Christians of the oppositie sex. Meeting someone in a local singles group is definitely a better way of growing an intimate relationship, but most churches do not have specialized ministries geared toward the need of singles. In the meantime, Christian Dating Services are filling a need. What are your thoughts about Christian dating services?