What Christian Single Girls Want in a Guy

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What do Christian single girls look for in a single Christian guy when contemplating a soulmate or marriage partner? This question always seems to percolate in any singles groups I have ever attended or led. We found some online surveys about Christian single girls (ages 18-70) you may find quite interesting.

Okay guys, so you’re no babe magnet? Don’t worry about it because the good news here is that single Christian girls of all ages appear to put physical attraction behind four other qualities that you may have. If you don’t have any of these, you may want to consider becoming a eunuch.

Top Dating Qualities Christian Girls Want

Here are the top five qualities single Christian girls look for in a Christian single guy:

1. Christian single women want a guy who is passionate about his Lord. Nothing is more attractive to a single Christian girl than a guy who is in love with Jesus, and passionate about following Him. A guy sold out for Jesus lets the single Christian girl know that he is not afraid of big commitments as in, ahem…marriage. I can’t believe I just wrote the “M” word.
2. Christian single girls put a high value on a guy who can honestly share feelings. She wants to be able to trust that her potential husband is a man of his word, and faithful to her. It also doesn’t hurt that he is not afraid to cry while watching sad movies. Look, most of us have been burned by fakers and liars, and it hurts big time. For some of you guys who do have a problem in this area, I suggest listening to that old Billy Joel tune, Honesty, and doing a Bible word study on the word.
3. Christian single girls are attracted to a guy with a good sense of humor. Life has lots of bumps in the road, and a sense of humor will help her keep perspective on what is really important (Col. 3:1) when the going gets tough. Plus, these kind of folks are just fun to be around.
4. Single Christian girls are looking for a guy who can provide a stable environment. Translation: A single woman finds a man appealing who has a steady job and loving relationships with his immediate family members. This shows the single Christian girl that the guy is dependable, consistent and able to provide for a family. This issue of provision is extremely important for a any single woman looking for a mate. Look, we’re not talking Donald Trump here, okay? As my one Christian single girlfriend says, “If he has an operating driver’s license and a job, that’s good enough for me.”
5. Coming in at fifth place is the issue of physical attractiveness. Christian single girls relay that it’s important (but not most important) that they be somewhat physically attracted to the man they marry. In other words, when a single Christian girl looks upon you, she should find “something” appealing about you physically. You may not be a Brad Pitt, but you almost certainly have at least one feature that is above average in appearance.

Well, guys, there you have it. Whether you meet someone through an online Christian Dating/Matchmaking site or church singles group, what Christian single girls want in a guy remains the same.

Are you a Christian single girl or guy with a different take on the issue? Feel free to submit your dating comments.

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Where Christian Singles Meet Other Singles

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Ever wonder where Christian Singles meet other single Christians for dating and/or courting relationships? I know some lonely Christian single guys in one of the small groups I lead who sure do. A typical question in our support group goes along these lines: “So how do I go about meeting a nice Christian girl?”

Since we we were curious ourselves (aren’t you guys?), we decided to do some research on the Internet. What we found was quite interesting. For example, In 2003 American Demographics surveyed over 1500 engaged couples to find out how they found each other. Here are the results:

Top Ways Singles Meet

Friends/Relatives…65%
Online Dating Services…20%
Common Interest Activities…10%
Other…5%

So what are single Christians supposed to do with these findings?

Start by noticing that each one of the top ways singles meet other singles is through their doing something.

In Matthew 7, Jesus encourages us to practice a proactive type of faith when he stated “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”

Of course, our Lord could answer a single Christian’s simple prayer, and supernaturally drop their perfect match into their laps. That would be cool. But more often than not, He wants us to stretch our faith by putting us into a position of prayerful “seeking and knocking”.

I realize there are some Christians who feel that by their inaction they are being spiritual and submissive to the Lord’s will for their lives. But our God is a God of action, and He calls us to imitate Him, as long as we do so in faith and humility.

A Single Christian’s Practical Steps

Therefore, in light of the above singles dating survey here are some practical faith-filled steps a Christian single interested in dating could take:

1. Circulate your stock. Let your family and friends know you are seeking a mate, and ask them to keep an eye open for you. Don’t be embarassed, but just step out in faith. Unless you express your needs they can’t help you. Remember that they know you the best, and may be able to spot a good match for you.

2. Step out of your comfort zone. Each year more and more single Christians are using online Christian dating services. Consider doing the same. On this site you will find the top Christian Matchmaking sites, most of which offer free trial memberships. A neat positive about online dating is that you can search databases for the exact type of person you are seeking to meet. Just make sure you read about online saftey dating tips.

3. Take time to join in on some fun activities that you enjoy. This could be as simple as attending a church singles group, hobby club, fitness club or sporting event. These are natural ways to meet other singles in your area of passion and interest.

4. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Diversify your efforts by putting all of the above into action.

5. Finally, keep a positive attitude as you claim God’s promises for your life (Psalms 37:4, Jer. 29:11, Prov. 3:5,6). Remember, He is in control and knows exactly what you need and when you need it. Has He ever failed you in the past?

Are you a Christian single or recently engaged, and want to share your dating experiences? Make your comments about how Christian Singles meet other singles right here.

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Single Parents Dating and their Kids

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In Parent Education classes, single parents dating or those looking into a Christian matchmaking dating service routinely ask this question: “When can I introduce my children to the person I am dating?”

In a previous article, we discussed how difficult it is being a Christian Single Parent. But it doesn’t matter whether the single parents dating are Christian singles or unbelievers, the issues are still the same. All single parents, custodial or non-custodial, need to take special care when brooching the subject of dating with their kids.

Before a dating single parent even thinks about introducing someone new into their child’s life, they should understand where the child is emotionally during this time.

Depending on the different circumstances that each single parent’s kids have gone through, their reaction to the single parent dating may take on one of several forms.

• They may be fearful of losing the single parent. This is especially true in cases where the other parent has died or abandoned the family. The thinking here goes along these lines: “I lost my dad. Is my mom next?”
• They may be overly possessive and jealous of the single parent’s love, not wanting to share mom and/or dad with anyone else. It’s not uncommon under these circumstances for the child (usually a teenager) to act out against the single dating parent and their partner, which can cause major problems for any relationship.
• They may not trust any outsiders. This occurs in cases where the non-custodial single parent or ex-lover may have abused or neglected the child.
• They may secretly be hoping “mommy and daddy” will get back together again, and will act out ways to accomplish this.
• They may be grossed out or upset by their single parent dating mom or dad expressing romantic feelings for someone other than the other parent.

Single parents thinking about dating should take care because their children almost certainly will experience one or more of the above issues. Before a single parent introduces another person, there are several practical steps he or she can take to help the child and their dating relationship at the same time.

The first thing to do if you are a single parent not dating is to not rush into a “rebound relationship” in order to fill the void in your own life. The honest truth is you’re not ready for it, and neither are your children.

Parenting experts suggest at least a one year’s wait between relationships. Why do they suggest this? How often do we see single parents dating go from one dysfunctional relationship to the next without ever learning from the past? And how about the children who get more confused as they experience loss after loss?

Instead, use this “singleness time” as an opportunity to heal, learn and grow as a single parent. Minister to your children, and let God and His people minister to you. Find a Christian singles group where your heart can find peace and acceptance. God has not forsaken or left you (Hebrews 13:5), and will lead you into a relationship when you are ready.

Secondly,  single parents dating  should keep lines of communication wide open between themselves and their children. Find out what the kids are thinking or fearing and honestly discuss it with them. If they just hate the idea of mom or dad dating, don’t force it on them. Allow them to express themselves, as you practice patience and compassion with your kids. A few sessions with a respected Christian counselor or experienced minister may also help.

Thirdly, the single parent already in a dating relationship should discuss these issues with the person they are seeing, and make a plan on when, where and how they would introduce them to the children. Of course, if you are a Christian I am assuming your dating relationship is not based on casual sex, but is in fact a steady relationship with a committed believer, looking toward the possibility of marriage. Isn’t that the reason you are dating in the first place? It’s interesting that both secular and Christian parenting experts suggest that single parents dating should think twice before introducing their children to people they are casually dating.

If the single parent dating partner reacts selfishly or simply cannot understand the children’s issues, I would pray about cutting losses and ending the relationship, since this would be just the beginning of problems.

Finally, when the single parent dating does decide to introduce their partner to the children, parenting experts suggest it be with little fanfare. In other words, introduce your special friend like you would any other friend, male or female. Avoid using words like love and dating, and do a fun, low stress activity. Only after children have spent several times meeting with the other person, should the single dating parent discuss the nature of the relationship.

Perhaps you are a single parent dating, and would like to share your dating tips with other single parents? Feel free to submit them here.

Note: David Butler, the author of this article, teaches Parent Education classes for the state of New Jersey, USA.

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