How to mend a broken heart for singles who are broken hearted?
Almost everyone has had their own “broken heart confession” of a lost relationship. A broken heart is a broken heart, whether that relationship was in a dating context or a marriage. All I can say is it’s one of the most painful things I’ve ever suffered.
While mending a broken heart takes different amounts of time for each person, the following points on how to mend a broken heart will be helpful to all single Christians.
How to Mend a Broken Heart Guide
Talk About Your Broken Heart With Those Who Care
One of the best ways to begin mending a broken heart is to talk about it. Talking about our pain helps us accept the reality of the situation, and guides us along in the healing process and dealing with guilt, if any
As Christian singles, the first person we should go to is the Lord. A beautiful promise is found in Psalms 34:18: “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Tell your heavenly Dad where it hurts, and exactly how you feel. Don’t hold back anything because He is there for you, and can take whatever you throw at Him.
Beyond pouring out your broken heart to the Lord, getting involved in a Christian singles group, church fellowship, or support group will give you a safe place to share your painful experiences and receive love and support. Don’t feel that you can heal or mend your broken heart on your own. That’s just stupid pride, and will cause you to take longer to heal. We all need somebody from time to time.
Forgiveness Equals Healing
There is an amazing amount of healing power in being forgiven, or in granting forgiveness to someone who has wronged you. The power of forgiveness began at the cross of Christ, where He forgave us our sins. If you don’t understand what it means to be forgiven by God, please read how you can find peace with Him before continuing.
Forgiveness brings closure and cleansing, which speeds the healing of the broken hearted person. So if you wronged someone in a previous dating or marriage relationship, ask forgiveness. Whatever the other party does with that offer is not yours to worry about.
On the other hand, if someone has wronged you, don’t seek revenge (that’s the Lord’s to handle), but forgive from the heart. It doesn’t mean that you have now become a doormat for further abuse. Granting forgiveness to someone who has broken your heart does mean that you have decided to let go of the past and start a new beginning in your life.
Take Care of Your Body
Having a broken heart puts tremendous stress on your physical and emotional wellbeing. That’s why it’s important to eat right, drink plenty of fluids, exercise and find time for relaxation. Force yourself to do these things, even if you don’t feel like it, and it will help you overcome depression and feelings of low self-esteem. You’ll thank me later if you do.
Be Willing To Take Another Risk
Okay, your relationship didn’t work out, and you’ve been left with a broken heart. So take this time to evaluate where you can improve yourself for the future.
As a broken hearted single trying to mend, you are in a vulnerable state. That’s why you definitely want to avoid the dangers of a rebound relationship. This is especially true if you are a single parent dating with kids.
However, please don’t close yourself off to the possibility of romance. In the right time and place it’s a wonderful thing. In this regard, you may want to consider using an online Christian dating service because it’s a great way to ease back into dating on your terms, and at your own pace.
Are you a single woman or man with any additional advice on how to mend a broken heart?
Related Articles:
Dating After Divorce
Dating Advice: When to Dump a Dating Relationship
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Low self-esteem in some Christian singles is keeping them from finding a serious dating relationship. It’s really simple: If you don’t feel real good about yourself, you’re not going to think anyone else will either.
Sadly, problems with low self-esteem can not only effect our dating relationships, but all other areas of our life, including our emotional health. Single men and women with low self-esteem suffer more depression and discouragement, loneliness and anxiety in their lives than other people. These negative emotions feed a vicious cycle of withdrawal that only worsens low self-esteem. This makes me depressed just writing about this stuff!
To make matters worse, it seems many Christians feel confused when talking about self-esteem, somehow thinking it is “unspiritual” or self-centered to feel good about yourself. Of course, nothing could be further from the truth, as long as you understand from whence your strength comes.
Breaking the Chain of Low Self-Esteem
If you are a single Christian suffering from a poor sense of self worth, and are looking for ways to build self-esteem, allowing the truth of the following points to sink into your soul will help put you on the path to recovery:
Know That God Accepts You As You Are
The beginning of healthy self-esteem and emotional well-being is self acceptance. Being able to accept yourself starts with accepting God’s view of your worth as a person, and then gladly receiving what He has to offer.
- Do you hate who you look like? You shouldn’t because God said you were fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139)
- Do you feel worthless and unlovable? God the Father says He loves you, and finds you so worthwhile that He chose His son to die on your behalf, even while you were far from Him (John 3:16, Romans 5:8).
- Do you feel guilty and unclean because of how you have lived your life? God offers complete forgiveness and cleansing from all past wrong.(1John 1:19), and a new beginning in life (2Cor 5:17).
Know That You Belong
Self-esteem suffers when we feel like there is no place we belong. A sense of belonging gives us a feeling that we are needed and wanted. This makes us feel good about ourselves, and loved at the same time..
God made us to experience this feeling of belonging and love through the forming of intimate relationships. The most important relationship you can have is with the Lord. In fact, Jesus’ prayer for His followers was that the same kind of wonderful relationship He had with His Father may be experienced by them too: “That they all may be one, as You, Father, are in Me, and I in You; that they also may be one in Us…” (John 17)
If you are a child of God, you belong in His family, and are dearly beloved (Col. 3:12). You are not orphans or paupers, but princes and princesses who will rule as co-heirs with Jesus. If you really believe this stuff, nothing will make you feel better.
Know That You Can Conquer Your Past
Many singles who suffer from low self-esteem have had past experiences (often in childhood) that have given them a tremendous sense of failure. This sense of “being a loser” is so agonizing that they fear taking risks in life. It’s fears like these that can keep women and men single.
However, part of understanding who we are in Christ is realizing that past failures and experiences no longer have a hold on us. We now have the power to conquer our past failures and fears through Him (Romans 8:37, 2 Timothy 1:7). The question that remains is whether or not you choose to change your negative pattern of thinking and acting. That power is all yours through Christ (Phil. 4:13).
If you are a Christian single whose low self-esteem has caused your dating aspirations to suffer, covenant with yourself and the Lord to start seeing yourself through His eyes.
Are you are a single person with something to share about low self-esteem?
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As single Christians, knowing marriage builder tips while dating will lay the foundation toward a healthy marriage relationship when you’re ready to make that commitment. Working in Family Court, I’ve seen lots of unhappy and unhealthy marriage relationships that sure could have used marriage builder tips.
Not surprisingly, a University of Wisconsin study revealed that over 90% of our future happiness is related to the kind of mate we choose to date or marry. Therefore, having a healthy marriage relationship means you have a greater chance at enhancing your happiness.
As Christian singles, we know our true joy, which is eternal, remains in the Lord. However, our happiness, based on transient circumstances, can definitely be affected by poor relationship choices. With divorce rates running between 40 to 50% in the USA, Australia, Europe and Asia, many are nodding their heads in agreement.
Most of us pray for healthy marriage relationships. The following marriage builder quick tips point toward that goal.
Marriage Builder Tips for a Healthy Marriage Relationship
Marriage Builder Tip #1: See Dating as a Means to an End
It all begins with dating, but it should not end there. For single Christians at least, the primary goal of dating should be a healthy relationship culminating in marriage. Otherwise, if you’re really serious about keeping yourself sexually pure before the Lord, why even enter a dating or courtship relationship?
Marriage Builder Tip #2: Know What Kind of Person Makes For A Healthy Relationship
Part of finding a person that makes for a healthy relationship, is knowing and avoiding the kind that doesn’t. For example, single Christians dating unbelievers, or good Christian girls who date bad guys would fall into this category.
Unfortunately, most churches don’t teach singles (teens to seniors) how to attract the right woman or man to date or court. In fact, several reasons we started Christian Dating Service PLUS! was not only to provide informative dating articles in this area, but also to show others how they can meet more single Christians online by expanding their search base.
Marriage Builder Tip #3: Know What it Takes to Have a Healthy Relationship
It sounds too simple, but it’s really true. The more one knows the signs of a healthy Christian dating or marriage relationship, the more likely the chance of creating one. Doesn’t that make sense?
Related Articles:
Online Christian Dating Advice on How to Start
Online Christian Dating Sites Christians Use
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Interracial dating is no longer taboo in today’s society, as witnessed by the many interracial dating service websites like eHarmony . However, dating across racial and ethnic lines still remains a controversial subject in some quarters.
While Christian single interracial dating or married couples can live peacefully in most urban societies of the world, they may still be stigmatized in rural areas, and sadly even within the confines of their own church and family.
Therefore, any single Christian thinking about interracial dating should prepare for success by asking themselves the following questions:
Interracial Dating Question Checklist
- What would your family and friends say if you told them you were dating someone from a different race or ethnicity?
- If family and friends react negatively to interracial dating, what would be your response?
- How will you and your interracial date respond to societal disapproval and outright racism? Prejudices could come in forms ranging from staring at a restaurant or church, to ostracizing and outright physical threats.
- Have you and your interracial dating partner openly discussed cultural differences, and their implications if the dating relationship were to culminate in marriage?
Openly and honestly go over the above questions first by yourself, and then together with your interracial dating interest. This exercise will give you an indication of whether or not this interracial dating relationship could be successful.
The longest lasting interracial dating relationships and marriages are those which are able to weave the best of both cultures into unison with each other.
Finally, despite the increase in the number of interracial dating singles, many find it difficult to meet others in their everyday walk of life.This one of the several reasons why online interracial dating sites like ChristianCafe
have become popular.
Just in case you were wondering, all of the dating services reviewed on Christian Dating Service PLUS! have large search databases that makes finding an interracial date in your local area an easier task.
If have dated or are dating someone from a different ethnic or cultural background, please consider helping other singles by sharing your experiences with interracial dating.
Related Articles:
Finding a Date in Your Local Area
Online Christian Dating: How to Start
How to Meet More Single Christians Online
Christian Black Singles
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Jealousy is one of the most destructive and painful emotions in a dating relationship. A jealous dater can think and do some wacky things he or she would not normally think of doing. That’s why overcoming jealousy when it crops up is so important.
According to a North American survey of marriage counselors, 33% of all couples in marriage counseling have jealousy problems as a root issue. Since jealousy is a universal emotion, I suspect European, Asian, African, South American and Asian couples have similar dealings with jealousy.
Among Christian single couples, jealousy affects both traditional dating and courtship love relationships.
Just what does it mean to be jealous? Webster’s Dictionary rightly defines jealousy as a “fearfulness or wariness of being replaced by a rival.” In a dating or romantic relationship, this means the jealous girlfriend or jealous guy suspects there is a rival for the affection or attention of their partner. The object of the dater’s jealousy could be an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, (the most frequent complaint) or some other thing such as the person’s children, job or even the family dog. (Don’t laugh about the dog, I once had a Family Court case related to this issue)
The problem with jealousy is that there are several kinds, which can get a little confusing. For example, there is God’s jealousy (Exodus 20:5), which is always holy, just, and desirous of others’ wellbeing. Then there is human jealousy, which often ends with disasterous results. Solomon writes of this kind in Song of Songs: “Jealousy is as cruel as the grave” (Sgs 8:6).
As sinners, we all need to learn how to cope with the human kind of jealousy, whether we experience it in our own hearts, or have others being jealous of us.
Most singles are able to control acting out their jealous impulses. However for others, overcoming jealousy is almost impossible without God’s help. This form of jealousy is pathological, and could lead to the crimes of passion we often read about in the newspapers, or see in movies.
As a single Christian seeking true love in a relationship, it’s very important for your own dating safety to know some “red flag” signs of a pathologically jealous person.
Red Flags of Jealousy Out of Control
- The dating or courtship partner continually accuses the other of being unfaithful when there is no basis for him or her to think this way.
- The jealous person checks phone bills, emails or the cell phone directory to check the partner’s records of communication. They may even forbid their romantic partner to speak with certain members of the opposite sex.
- The jealous dating partner forbids (ie: orders) the other single dater to wear certain things in public.
- The person with jealousy issues may go through the personal belongings of the other party looking for “evidence” of unfaithfulness
- The person with out-of-control jealousy may follow, or have one of their friends follow the other person to make sure they are being faithful. In extreme cases they may even ‘bug” the home using electronic equipment.
- The jealous party will keep tabs on their date by calling them constantly throughout the day. They may give an excuse (”I just missed you”) as to why they are calling so frequently, but in fact are distrustful of them.
- The jealous person may want to be with the other person 24/7, and if the other single resists, there may be a physcial or emotional outburst.
- The jealous dating partner forces the other to give account of all their free time away from them.
- The person with pathological jealousy may threaten to do physical harm to themselves or to their dating partner.
If you are a single Christian in any kind dating relationship where one or more of the above jealousy red flags exist, we recommend:
- Lovingly communicating to your friend that they need professional help.
- Consider getting out of the relationship as soon as you can to ensure your own safety. While you may be tempted to stay in an effort to change them, or because the jealous partner may make an emotional promise of change, please don’t give in.
Overcoming Jealousy
Overcoming jealousy will be easier if you understand its origin. Ask yourself: “Do my feelings have a basis in fact (the behavior of the dating partner), or are they coming from my own insecurity?”
If there is actually something the other party is doing that is inciting you to be jealous, have a heart to heart discussion with them. Often, an honest exchange of feelings will solve the problem.
Understand that your jealous behavior may actually drive away your date, the very thing you feared might happen
Admit you have a problem and seek guidance from trusted freinds who know your situation, and/or an understanding Christian counselor or minister.
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Are you one of those love-shy single who doesn’t date because you’re timid? Wish you knew how to overcome shyness? If you do, don’t be bashful about it because you’re in good company. According to Dr. Phillip Zimbardo, a Stanford psychologist, nearly 40% of singles are shy about asking someone out on a date.
A single person who is shy is often anxious (some have even been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder) or uneasy around the opposite sex and dating situations. Many shy singles wrongly get tabbed as being “stuck up” or weird, when in fact they are simply lacking in self-confidence and uncertain how to communicate their feelings.
Many feel a love-shy single’s self-consciousness over finding a date stems from being afraid of rejection, which sadly is one of the fears that keep women and men single.
If you are a love-shy single Christian who has struggled with timidity in dating relationships, the following tips may help you conquer and overcome being shy:
Tips on Overcoming Shyness
Address the Origin
Understanding why someone is shy makes it easier to treat and heal, both clinically and spiritually. Although some psychologists feel shyness has genetic and environmental causes, many singles can trace their bashfulness to one or more embarrassing incidents that utterly ruined their self worth.
Think about your own past. Were you a shy boy? A shy girl? A shy teen? Was there anything that happened in your childhood that made you withdraw? Talking about these experiences with a qualified Christian counselor and/or understanding pastor can foster healing.
Imitate How Others Do It
Take note of how other singles communicate with the opposite sex. How do they introduce themselves? What topics do they discuss? What kind of body language is going on? Knowing how to have good conversation starter skills can help a love-shy person break the ice.
Enjoy Mixed Company
A low pressure way for a shy person to meet other single men and women is by joining clubs where people have a shared common interest, such as sporting activities, reading clubs, christian singles groups, etc. In this type of environment, dating relationships can occur naturally.
Remember It’s Not About You
Understand that shyness is, ultimately, a whacky form of self-centeredness. Instead of keeping your eyes on yourself, worrying what other people are thinking, practice taking a proactive interest in them: Seek out what they think, how they feel, how you can make them feel comfortable and relaxed.
It may be difficult for a shy person at first, so if you need to, pray for boldness in this area. If you do this, you will see your social skills improving, and find it much easier to converse with and meet others.
When we take our eyes off of ourselves, we can do amazing things with God’s help. Remember, Peter walked on water as long as his eyes were not on his own fears.
Consider Using an Online Dating Service
Many love-shy singles have found there are many benefits to using online Christian dating services like eHARMONY because they are able to meet a date in their own way, and at their pace. This can also occur in the safety of their own homes. For some reason people find it far easier to initiate conversations online rather than in person. Whatever works for you is what you should try.
If you are a shy woman or man who is interested in online Christian dating, this resource on how to meet more single Christians online may be helpful.
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If you are recently single-again due to divorce or the death of a husband or wife, you may be experiencing a whole gamut of different emotions including but not limited to:
Having to suffer through emotions like these puts recently single-again folks in a vulnerable state, where manipulative people can take advantage of them, and poor decisions can be made.
In Parent Education classes for newly single-again people, we teach a segment on how they can protect themselves by not making stupid mistakes in the first year of reentering singlehood. Why do we teach this? It’s during this time that recent single-again women and men are more apt to make poor decisions that could set back their healing process.
The following tips for the recently single-again Christians may help during this difficult time.
Tips for the Single Again Christian
Single Again Tip #1: Guard Your Heart
Recently single-again women and men have a void in their lives that cries out for filling. They are also not thinking clearly. Additionally, they are especially open to making bad dating decisions, falling prey to sexual impurity and/or emotional “predators” The Bible warns us, “Above all else, guard you heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)
The very last thing a recently single-again person needs during this time is to be taken advantage of sexually and/or have her or his heart broken all over again. That’s why most Christian and secular counselors recommend a time of up to one year after becoming single again that people not date. A single Christian parent dating with kids should be especially careful, since it’s not only their lives they are effecting, but the little ones’ as well.
Single Again Tip #2: Guard Your Wallet
Most recently single-again women (and to a lesser extent, men) have great anxiety and fear about how they will make ends meet. For Christian single parents, both custodial and non-custodial, financial stress over child support can also loom large.
Let’s face it, when under financial stress, it’s easy for anybody to panic, and seek out quick fixes that can to can turn out badly. A clear mind with sound financial planning and budgeting can help at this time.
In this regard online help is available at Crown Financial Ministries. This international Christian organization offers free help on budgeting, with savings tips and internet radio broadcasts that recently single-again Christians would find helpful.
Single Again Tip #3: Guard Your Spirit
Becoming single again is a stressful thing because of the uncertainty and added responsibilities. Singles of all sorts would definitely benefit by reading some tips on how to reduce stress in their lives.
Also, since the recently single-again person can very easily feel isolated, plugging into a Christian singles support group where support , understanding and encouragement are offered would be beneficial toward the renewing of your spirit.
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