Interracial Dating Among Christian Singles

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Interracial dating is no longer taboo in today’s society, as witnessed by the many interracial dating service websites like Christian Mingle and eHarmony Dating Service . However, dating across racial and ethnic lines still remains a controversial subject in some quarters.

While Christian single interracial dating or married couples can live peacefully in most urban societies of the world, they may still be stigmatized in rural areas, and sadly even within the confines of their own church and family.

Therefore, any single Christian thinking about interracial dating should prepare for success by asking themselves the following questions:

Interracial Dating Question Checklist

• What would your family and friends say if you told them you were dating someone from a different race or ethnicity?
• If family and friends react negatively to interracial dating, what would be your response?
• How will you and your interracial date respond to societal disapproval and outright racism? Prejudices could come in forms ranging from staring at a restaurant or church, to ostracizing and outright physical threats.
• Have you and your interracial dating partner openly discussed cultural differences, and their implications if the dating relationship were to culminate in marriage?

Openly and honestly go over the above questions first by yourself, and then together with your interracial dating interest. This exercise will give you an indication of whether or not this interracial dating relationship could be successful.

The longest lasting interracial dating relationships and marriages are those which are able to weave the best of both cultures into unison with each other.

Finally, despite the increase in the number of interracial dating singles, many find it difficult to meet others in their everyday walk of life.This one of the several reasons why online interracial dating sites like eHarmony Dating Service have become popular.

Just in case you were wondering, all of the dating services reviewed on Christian Dating Service PLUS! have large search databases that makes finding an interracial date in your local area an easier task.

If have dated or are dating someone from a different ethnic or cultural background, please consider helping other singles by sharing your experiences with interracial dating.

Related Articles:

Finding a Date in Your Local Area
Online Christian Dating: How to Start
How to Meet More Single Christians Online
Christian Black Singles

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Overcoming Jealousy: Jealous Dating

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Jealousy is one of the most destructive and painful emotions in a dating relationship. A jealous dater can think and do some wacky things he or she would not normally think of doing. That’s why overcoming jealousy when it crops up is so important.

According to a North American survey of marriage counselors, 33% of all couples in marriage counseling have jealousy problems as a root issue. Since jealousy is a universal emotion, I suspect European, Asian, African, South American and Asian couples have similar dealings with jealousy.

Among Christian single couples, jealousy affects both traditional dating and courtship love relationships.

Just what does it mean to be jealous? Webster’s Dictionary rightly defines jealousy as a “fearfulness or wariness of being replaced by a rival.” In a dating or romantic relationship, this means the jealous girlfriend or jealous guy suspects there is a rival for the affection or attention of their partner. The object of the dater’s jealousy could be an ex-boyfriend or girlfriend, (the most frequent complaint) or some other thing such as the person’s children, job or even the family dog. (Don’t laugh about the dog, I once had a Family Court case related to this issue)

The problem with jealousy is that there are several kinds, which can get a little confusing. For example, there is God’s jealousy (Exodus 20:5), which is always holy, just, and desirous of others’ wellbeing. Then there is human jealousy, which often ends with disasterous results. Solomon writes of this kind in Song of Songs: “Jealousy is as cruel as the grave” (Sgs 8:6).

As sinners, we all need to learn how to cope with the human kind of jealousy, whether we experience it in our own hearts, or have others being jealous of us.

Most singles are able to control acting out their jealous impulses. However for others, overcoming jealousy is almost impossible without God’s help. This form of jealousy is pathological, and could lead to the crimes of passion we often read about in the newspapers, or see in movies.

As a single Christian seeking true love in a relationship, it’s very important for your own dating safety to know some “red flag” signs of a pathologically jealous person.

Red Flags of Jealousy Out of Control

• The dating or courtship partner continually accuses the other of being unfaithful when there is no basis for him or her to think this way.
• The jealous person checks phone bills, emails or the cell phone directory to check the partner’s records of communication. They may even forbid their romantic partner to speak with certain members of the opposite sex.
• The jealous dating partner forbids (ie: orders) the other single dater to wear certain things in public.
• The person with jealousy issues may go through the personal belongings of the other party looking for “evidence” of unfaithfulness
• The person with out-of-control jealousy may follow, or have one of their friends follow the other person to make sure they are being faithful. In extreme cases they may even ‘bug” the home using electronic equipment.
• The jealous party will keep tabs on their date by calling them constantly throughout the day. They may give an excuse (“I just missed you”) as to why they are calling so frequently, but in fact are distrustful of them.
• The jealous person may want to be with the other person 24/7, and if the other single resists, there may be a physcial or emotional outburst.
• The jealous dating partner forces the other to give account of all their free time away from them.
• The person with pathological jealousy may threaten to do physical harm to themselves or to their dating partner.

If you are a single Christian in any kind dating relationship where one or more of the above jealousy red flags exist, we recommend:

1. Lovingly communicating to your friend that they need professional help.
2. Consider getting out of the relationship as soon as you can to ensure your own safety. While you may be tempted to stay in an effort to change them, or because the jealous partner may make an emotional promise of change, please don’t give in.

Overcoming Jealousy

Overcoming jealousy will be easier if you understand its origin. Ask yourself: “Do my feelings have a basis in fact (the behavior of the dating partner), or are they coming from my own insecurity?”

If there is actually something the other party is doing that is inciting you to be jealous, have a heart to heart discussion with them. Often, an honest exchange of feelings will solve the problem.

Understand that your jealous behavior may actually drive away your date, the very thing you feared might happen

Admit you have a problem and seek guidance from trusted freinds who know your situation, and/or an understanding Christian counselor or minister.

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Love-Shy Singles: How to Overcome Shyness

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Are you one of those love-shy single who doesn’t date because you’re timid? Wish you knew how to overcome shyness? If you do, don’t be bashful about it because you’re in good company. According to Dr. Phillip Zimbardo, a Stanford psychologist, nearly 40% of singles are shy about asking someone out on a date.

A single person who is shy is often anxious (some have even been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder) or uneasy around the opposite sex and dating situations. Many shy singles wrongly get tabbed as being “stuck up” or weird, when in fact they are simply lacking in self-confidence and uncertain how to communicate their feelings.

Many feel a love-shy single’s self-consciousness over finding a date stems from being afraid of rejection, which sadly is one of the fears that keep women and men single.

If you are a love-shy single Christian who has struggled with timidity in dating relationships, the following tips may help you conquer and overcome being shy:

Tips on Overcoming Shyness

Address the Origin

Understanding why someone is shy makes it easier to treat and heal, both clinically and spiritually. Although some psychologists feel shyness has genetic and environmental causes, many singles can trace their bashfulness to one or more embarrassing incidents that utterly ruined their self worth.

Think about your own past. Were you a shy boy? A shy girl? A shy teen? Was there anything that happened in your childhood that made you withdraw? Talking about these experiences with a qualified Christian counselor and/or understanding pastor can foster healing.

Imitate How Others Do It

Take note of how other singles communicate with the opposite sex. How do they introduce themselves? What topics do they discuss? What kind of body language is going on? Knowing how to have good conversation starter skills can help a love-shy person break the ice.

Enjoy Mixed Company

A low pressure way for a shy person to meet other single men and women is by joining clubs where people have a shared common interest, such as sporting activities, reading clubs, christian singles groups, etc. In this type of environment, dating relationships can occur naturally.

Remember It’s Not About You

Understand that shyness is, ultimately, a whacky form of self-centeredness. Instead of keeping your eyes on yourself, worrying what other people are thinking, practice taking a proactive interest in them: Seek out what they think, how they feel, how you can make them feel comfortable and relaxed.

It may be difficult for a shy person at first, so if you need to, pray for boldness in this area. If you do this, you will see your social skills improving, and find it much easier to converse with and meet others.

When we take our eyes off of ourselves, we can do amazing things with God’s help. Remember, Peter walked on water as long as his eyes were not on his own fears.

Consider Using an Online Dating Service

Many love-shy singles have found there are many benefits to using online Christian dating services like eHARMONY because they are able to meet a date in their own way, and at their pace. This can also occur in the safety of their own homes. For some reason people find it far easier to initiate conversations online rather than in person. Whatever works for you is what you should try.

If you are a shy woman or man who is interested in online Christian dating, this resource on how to meet more single Christians online may be helpful.

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