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Anger at Being Single-Dealing with Anger in Relationships

Angry at being singleMany single women and men walk around with a lot of anger because they are still single long past the time they thought they would be married. Does being single at this time in your life make you angry?

Target of Anger in Relationships

One target of a single person’s anger is directed at God Himself because He has not brought that one true love into their lives. Frustration, jealousy and discouragement cuts deep into them as their closest friends and colleagues (even the ones we thought would nver find anyone!….I know, what a wretched, ungodly thought!) have found their dating match and have gotten married.

Secondly, many Christian singles have unresolved anger against a previous dating relationship partner. Perhaps they were in an abusive relationship, or got dumped for reasons they never understood. This kind of anger has caused a festering of bitterness and cynicism in their hearts, which has only fostered more anger.

Finally, many singles, including Christian singles, have directed anger against themselves for their dating failures and apparent inability to find a marriage partner. Anger turned inward often results in depression, anxiety and a host of other physical ills.

Bible Verse of the Day

In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Ephesians 4:26.27

If you are a Christian single today struggling with anger over being single, or at having a failed dating relationship, remember the following practical tips that could help you:

  1. Admit your anger, and understand the reasons why you are feeling this emotion. Admitting you are ticked off means recognising the emotional and physical signs of anger. This admission is the first step toward resolving the issue. Many Christians suppress anger and feel guilty when they experiencel this powerful emotion because they believe it to be sinful in and of itself. This is simply not the case according to the above verse.

  2. Restrain your anger by setting ground rules on it. Anger becomes a problem when it becomes uncontrollable. By not letting the sun go down on our anger, we are consciously taking control of our anger. This may mean honestly addressing the person we are angry at, and having a heart to heart talk about our feelings before things get out of hand. At other times restraining our anger may mean taking a long walk to blow off steam, or having a good prayer session.

  3. Understand the consequences of uncontrolled anger. The Scripture states that unbridled anger (rage really) results in giving the devil, your mortal enemy, a stronghold in your life. We see the results of this kind of anger all over the world today in places like Iraq, our respective workplaces and even our own homes. When we truly understand what is at stake when we allow anger to rule us, we will be more motivated to practice good anger management.

Are you a single Christian who has an anger problem?

Related Article:

Singles Dating Tips: Learning How to Argue and Fight

Christian Dating Service

24 Comments

  1. Nicki

    I appreciate that someone is writing about all this – I found this blog through one that talked about how Christian singles avoid activties and such at the church because it is all married couples and everyone is fascinated at why you are still single and that it must be something wrong with me and that they have no answers. Seriously, like I haven’t tried dating and praying about all this – they could maybe rack their brains of possible matches for me, right? Of course not, they have to worry about themselves. (Wow, maybe I do have a bit of anger..or bitterness or something about all this).
    Anyway, I appreciate you writing this, and I dont think it is anger that I necessarily deal with, but loneliness and exhaustion from this journey. The verses of God’s plan and perseverance I believe, but are not really comforting anymore. Any suggestions on how to deal with loneliness while being single and waiting?

  2. I am with you Nicky! I feel the same way, but I am a bit angry at God. I am dealing with that though. I have been saved since 15 yrs old and I have kept myself pure. I am now entering perimenopause in my mid 30s sooooo yeah, I am a little upset. What is going on? Is God asleep up there? lol j/k Funny thing is it wasn’t a real concern until I started getting older and my biological clock started ticking. I can understand when you’ve only been saved a few years but it is going on 19 years! Hellloo! I am not content with being single anymore. It is also difficult because I am in a church of 3, one of which is me! So, no single people there and I am finding it difficult b/c I feel left out of all their mens and marriage couples’ seminars. I either need to be a man or a couple…I am neither so I am left w/o fellowship. I am trying to find a singles group to fellowship with but it is difficult. :( If God wants me alone forever I wish he would take this cup from me and let it pass already. This is torture!

  3. Jake of heart

    Anger at being single? Yup! Been there too. I’m a 33 yrs old male Christian. I’ve walked with the Lord for more than 17 years now. I’ve had comments that I might be “too picky”, but those comments generally came from acquaintances or Christians not involved in any ministry. So I took these comments for what they were worth and discarted them. My last relationship did’nt work precisely because I had too low standards. I have learned from the lesson an am now trying to apply more wisdom in my relationships with the other gender. It does not always come natural,but I try and have healthy and un-interested friendships with the other gender. Also, since I don’t know exactly for how long I will still be single, I try to put the spare time to some use. Besides tutoring youth at Christian camps, my target is to learn a new skill every year. Last year I took evening classes and became a goldsmith, this year I am training for a windsail license.

  4. Hi,
    I would have to agree with Niki, Corina and Jake….I am 37 single..and i have been cheerful about it so far….but of late I have been unable to “pretend” to be happy.
    I do feel God is sleeping too. i wonder if there needs to be blog for singles like us !!

  5. linda

    jake yu are a very handsome guy, if thts yu there, I wonder why yu ca’t find a nice girl to marry? I am a 30 yr old very attractive girl and I know I have missed so many oppotunities whilst in my twenties, I always wanted to sort out my life b4 getting married, i had a huge responsibility to take care of my siblings, since my parents died, so it was fo tht reason why i broke up with my last BF, cuz he thot i was wasting his time. I regret and blame myself on tht. Anyway, I was fine with single life until when I turned 27 thts 3yrs ago, I started worrying about my future and thinking of not having kids yet at this age, I am now 30 and still single, I must admit tht I am getting so grumpy each day, cuz I needs answers, Sometimes I think what am I going to teach my children about girl life when I haven’t enjoyed mine. I gave my life to christ at the age of 15, and I expected to graduate and celebrate my girl life thru a wonderful wedding. but here I go 30 and still single, I feel not only angry, but also embarrassed, its now affecting my social life, cuz all my friends are now parents even though most of them aren’t married but at least they have kids. I don’t think there will be any comforting enough WORDS for this particular issue, as long as we are living on earth, I am sure most of yu will agree that in most cases we are the ones who just pretend to be happy, but there is a constant pain and a sense of emptyness inside. However I tell myself nomatter wht happens here on earth we shall find answers when we meet our LORD, cuz problems of many kinds are always here whether yu r a christian, Married or Single there is always some battles to be fought in life journey, even tho they are all different.

    My prayer for us all is to find happiness even tho things wont go the way we wish, some may end up single fo good, some may find their loved one eventualy, but all the same let JEHOVAH SHALOM be our PEACE..xx

  6. Jodi

    Dear Linda,

    Your love of the Lord shines through in your words. Sometimes it feels like our lives are slipping away, like watching sand fall through the hourglass, it tests our faith and we wonder if God really has a plan for us. When we give our lives over to Jesus we expect things to be different. From a worldly view, often they are not. That perfect job isn’t waiting for us, we are overburdened with responsibilities, and where is the Godly Christian man to be by our side?

    God has a definite plan for you (Jeremiah 29:10-12) all be it difficult, we must be joyful in our hope and patient during the process. (Romans 12:12) Open your heart up to hear God’s will for you. He is preparing you for His purpose and in His perfect timing your Ezer (soul mate, helper) will be revealed. We must stay in the faith and keep our eyes focused on Jesus or we can miss some of the most beautiful gifts He has for us.

    You have missed a part of your childhood during your journey and those years cannot be retrieved. You can rest on the truth that you are still a little girl to Abba (your heavenly Father). When the love of God tears down the walls your worldly experiences have built up, it reveals a little girl that didn’t experience the natural maturation process. Instead you were catapulted right into an adult life and role. God can fill that emptiness completely. When you close your eyes and pray, picture laying your head on Jesus lap. He will comfort you and never leave your side.

    God Bless,

    Jodi

  7. David

    Angry at being single?

    Get a life! Have you ever thought about the possibility that your anger is the reason you can’t find someone?

    Who wants to be involved with an angry person?

    They’re no fun to be with and can be downright scary.

    Think maybe you should focus on anger management rather than the fact that you have no one.

    Become a nicer person and the world will open up to you.

    Go with God.

  8. Aaron

    I feel extreme pressure to marry and have a quiverful of children. I have a hard time worshiping God because he is angry all the time and scary. I feel like I have too marry because that is what Biblical Manhood is based on and a man must be able to lead his family or God will condem you.

  9. Cameron

    I’ve recently turned 30 and I’ve found it hard to grasp that I’m still single and wanted to be married a few years ago. I was in a relationship and got dumped a month after I turned 30. I had been upset at God before but I realized I’m probably more upset at the church and the southern culture I live in that puts pressure on people to marry in their early to mid 20s.
    I’ve realized lately that the worst thing I can feel is shame and no one should feel shame for being single. Many people get married early and they don’t know what they’re getting into. This is why so many marriges are failing even in the church. I’m glad that I’m able to learn the truths of what marriage is really supposed to be before I get into it. I also have the chance to learn from the mistakes of others.
    Don’t give up and get discouraged. Put yourself out there that you can meet more people. If you feel ashamed of who you are it will keep you from pressing on. God has a reason that certain things go the way they do and I believe if you are following and trusting in Him he makes sure things work out for the best for you even though they sometimes seem unfair and make no sense.

  10. Tryce

    I’m single but I consider myself married to the cross. Life does get lonely at times and church folks can make it worse but God is so faithful. He carries me when my heart is heavy and listens to every word and catches every tear. I am learning to trust him and not be angry or feel less than but to choose the path of peace every time.

  11. Foxy

    Hello Everyone,

    Last Sunday I accepted God as my personal savior because for one I felt my relationship with God could be strong and two I want to clear my heart and mind from all negative things. I’ve been single going on 2 years now I am 26. These past two years have been the worst ever on the dating scene and I don’t even want to try anymore. I get so upset at this because I feel I have everything going for me. I pray so much, sometimes in the restroom at work just for patients and understanding. But I have faith that God has a plan for each of us. And with more patients and prayer our wishes and desires will come to pass.

    Blessed day all.

  12. WhereIzGod?

    Oh Where Oh Where has our *little* /Big/ God gone?

    Seriously:

    Seems to me lately that we are in a MAJOR drought for miracles and it sounds like I am not the only one with problems wondering where God is.

    Second of all:

    After reading about other people’s comments and realizing I am not the only one Christain single that gets angery at God when our plans go to pot I have come to a possible/partial conclusion which still needs a few patches.

    I think part of this answer about anger may be cause we have committed blasemphy *which is an unpardonable sin* where we curse God or say angry things to him………even after we have been saved so now we are in a limbo punishment state. :(

    “We now have to go thru this dangiling either a carrot before our nose or a sword above our head” I have noticed.

    Yes I borrowed that phrase from a Chineese Hexagram index which describes various changes in life which are also usually pretty accurate and you can feel that ‘Hey this is Me!”

    I think the next part of the answer is trying to find a way to deal with being punished when we have commited a sin as a Christain and realize it too late.

    I am surprised no body has ever come up with that issue where you are ‘saved’ but you have done a sin where you don’t recognize the signs of it until the *S–t hits the fan* and you are on your knees.

  13. WhereIzGod

    I absoulty suck/bomb at English so I’ll say this:

    Perhaps we are being punished for directing our anger at God during these times of unknown so perhaps now we/someone needs to make a blog to describe how to handle being punished by God when you/anyone breaks a rule/rules and realizes it too late?

    One thing I found out when I turn my life to Jesus is that I don’t suddenly/all at once know everything about the Bible in a clear matter overnight which I thought would happen and am still waiting to happen magically. There’s that word again. *Waiting* I HATE that word. :(

    How long must I wait for my life plans…………………………………………………………………………*waiting*……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………*still waitin*……………………………………………………………………………….*starting to give up*

    It is actually true and clear in the bible that Christians can turn away from God and re-enter the world of sin if they are not carefull which I KNOW from experience.

    Anybody who says other-wise is obviously reading the bible with one-eye and needs to have their heads examined and 95%/ QUITE POSSIBLY aren’t true Christains.

    :(

    Done with suggestion/rant.

  14. Dee

    I’ve just read several of the blogs posted here and although I’m somewhat relieved to know I’m not alone in my struggle, it’s still very painful to be alone.

    As long as I can remember I’ve dreamed of being a wife and mother, you know the usual “American Dream” . . . , a house, with a white picket fence, a husband and two children . . . I have been blessed with the two children, but at 42, soon to be 43, I still have not experienced the rest of the dream. I know that the pain I’m feeling is nobody’s fault but my own, I did not wait for the Lord to send my mate and since realizing that, (10 years ago), my prayer has been continually, that the Lord would send a Godly man to me. God blessed me with a large heart, because even after all the rejection, abuse and neglect I’ve allowed to enter into my life, my heart still longs to love that special man. So why would God make me wait so long and suffer this never ending pain and emptiness?

    I try to busy myself with other activities and take comfort in giving thanks for the things I do have, but i always end up coming back to this point . . . a pain so deep that I don’t want to go any further. At times I feel life is no longer worth living when I hurt like this. I guess you could say I give into a pity party. It doesn’t last long, but it never fails to take over.

    Please keep me in your prayers as I will do the same for you. I’m thankful to find this place where I can share my feelings and hear from others regarding their experiences and feelings.

    May God Bless and keep you and your families always.

    Dee

  15. rida

    Thanks for this comments. ireally thought i was alone on this topic of being single and angry.Am angry so much at God for keeping me single for this long.Havent i prayed to him for a husband,i almost wonder?Yes am born again ,single lady.I recently discovered that our family had issues of being bewitched not to get married or stay in marriage,you have no ideal how btrayed ifeel by God,Why? because all this 33yrs, i had been thinking that am waiting upon God for a life partner only to be be told my waiting has not been caused by God?Check yourselves you might be in a situation like mine.Maybe your delays are not Godly, you have no idea how this has changed everything in my life, i almost thought all this God stuff is a lie because of this discovery,has left me asking God so many questions.i feel betrayed, have you ever felt like you are living a lie,i feel so angry ,at my self for being so naive.I thought no one can interfere with the course of your life. i hate this feeling, i feel angry at God for making me believe that ,i ask how in the world would we be bewiched, yet he has graven us in the palm of his hands,i still feel so betrayed in my mind, Sometimes i wish i never sort for the truth maybe i would not have to feel the way ido.i feel lied to ,i dont know by who ,all i know is that i feel so bad ,i feel so bad in my heart.

  16. Jem

    Reading some of these messages I felt the pain that people are going through. I was angry at God, I’ve been speaking to him about it and when I do, I feel better. I believe that God is not on a mission to torture you and If he loves you as much he says he does because he doesn’t lie, then he has someone great in store for you.

    The truth is that not everyone will get married as the Bible talks about people being given the gift of singleness, I believe that if it is God will for you to be single you will know it and if he has someone for you, you will know it also in the depths of your heart.

    I believe God is always speaking to us but we are not listening because we are preoccupied with finding “the one” and most times he\she is right under our nose.

    Ask God about his plans for you concerning a spouse and he will tell you (most times he will start by teaching you to hear his voice), the same way a good parent won’t give their child the “silent treatment”, God won’t ignore you when you cry out to him, but you have to listen and obey. I find that if God tells you to wait and you are getting frustrated… ask for something to hold on to and most times he will give you something it might be a word, vision, dream or an encouraging word from someone.

    Moses, Isaac and Jacob all found their spouses when they went to the “well”.The church is our modern day “well”. Allow the Holy Spirit to lead you to the right church and “get involved in a ministry” by doing that you are positioning yourself to be used by God and he will give you the living water like he told the woman at the well. Most times your future spouse will be in the same ministry. Let God order yours step and he will lead you to him/her like he did for Adam and Eve, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachael, Ruth and Boaz etc.

    Believe me this works and remember that God loves you more than you can imagine!!

    Blessings!

  17. Sandy

    I have been single for the past 3 years. I tried to go back to church, but I ended up getting very angry with everyone else.

    They said. ONLY if you have a GOOD relationship with God, will he provide a husband. How true is that? Does it mean I have a bad relationship with God. Or does it mean if I have a good relationship with God, but end up unmarried, I actually have a bad relationship with God.

    And, Ppl like to say, God is all you need.
    If God is all I need, why do I find myself ‘needing’ other things. Does this mean, God is not real.

  18. Jem

    andy I know what you mean and I don’t believe that it is only when you have GOOD relationship with God that you’ll find someone, you can meet someone regardless. But I believe a Good relation ship with God is essential because it gives you an advantage by opening your eyes to things like the “Right Man”, directing and guiding your steps to be at the right place at the right time.

    Another reason why a good relationship with God is important is the early stages of a great relationship needs some God given wisdom to navigate and having the Holy Spirit by your side is a fantastic tool :).

    God is all you need as a whole being but because we were made in God’s image we have different parts to us and these parts need different things. The need for a spouse is not bad, actually God put it in us and has made provision for that need by having a compatible partner for you!

  19. stacey

    I know this is very unchrist-like to say this, but I get really tired of hearing all the well-meaning super-spiritual platitudes from folks like “make Jesus your husband” which sounds kind of incestuous to me or “wait on the lord and he will bring it to Pass.” And about this “gift of singleness” thing which is a load of bunk as far as I’m concerned, a gift is something you are pleased to receive. It’s not a gift if it’s something you don’t want. I’m sorry for sounding so angry, but I’m almost 43 and I’ve waited all my life for the kids and the family that I realize will probably never be-at least not in the conventional sense. I have a big heart and a lot to offer, just seems no one appreciates it. I do not want to die alone without having had any connections or legacies to leave behind. I know I sound angry and bitter right now but I would rather be honest than to pretend that I’m perfectly content and cover over it with a bunch of sugary-sweet platitudes that are really rationalizations for the real feelings which I keep stuffed inside most of the time. May God forgive me for my attitude at this moment.

  20. Rose

    I agree with what others are saying. I am 52 years young. I have been saved for the pass 10 years. Before, being saved I was married at 17 and divorce by 29 with four children, since then I have been in various relationship.Live in abusive relationship with one guy for 6 years, got pregnant and right after my child was born, I fled, because Ididn’t want my child to grow up in an abusive family. Stayed by myself until my child was 5 years old. I started dating and found myself in dead ended relationship. Thinking back now, throughout those relationships, I was searching for someone to validate who I was as person, looking for love when I should have love myself, even in my marriage I had search for this love. Before and through-out the next 10 years of my life, there have been a battle going on in my life. The majority of this battle is of a financial nature. I feel whatever attempt I have made to improve my life financially turn into a failure. I have all the degrees, but yet cannot find a job. I went back to school got my BS. degree, relocated to a new home and couldn’t find a decent job, went back to school for certification in education, that didnt’ work out. I continued on to a Master degree, yet still no decent jobs. I felt as though I have wasted years of my life pusuing something that will never be. In 2007, I gave up seeking the career to fit my degrees and sought to seek the Lord and all he have to offer. I have learned to be peaceful in the Lord. My financial situation have somewhat change, but not much. The career I seek was me working for other people, but I had to face reality, and that reality was, I didn’t enjoy working for other people. I really want to work for the Lord and to find Joy in doing so. I have been single know for the pass 10 years, I mean when I first accepted the Lord, I didn’t change over night, so I still had some of my old ways in me. Dating guys just to date, and really these guys were non christians and no good. I have content myself to be happy and being single and have done so for the past 8 years, But I have to face reality, the fact is, I don’t like being alone, I know the Lord is with me. I dont like being without a earthly partner. I pray that God send me a man of God, who love the Lord with all of his heart and so would treat and love me the way Jesus would, with kindness and respect. I get tired of having to do things alone. The marority of people in my church are married so there are only a few single men and they have their own issues to deal with. Although, I am involve in church activities, I can’t help but to feel lonely most of the time. I’m praying that the Lord will take this feeling away from me. If I am to be alone, take the lonely feelings away from me and fill my heart with his joy and peacefullness. I don’t mind being single, after all I have been through, but I don’t like feeling lonely. How can I deal with these feelings. I just keep praying and believing in the Lord to do his work in my life.

    Pease and God bless you all.

  21. Mandy

    Hmm-mmmm. I feel ya. The pain, desperation, discouragement, even anger about my situation, is really coming out now I’m in my mid-30’s. I’m freaking as no man has even looked at me at my church -which I’ve attended for 12 years! But others have met someone, become married, popped out a few kids, etc. etc. during that same length of time. Its easy to get frustrated with God, but I’m always honest with Him, and trust in Him still. It is not easy though. I trust in Jesus.

  22. Chris.

    Just wanted to chime in to say that I can completely empathize with many of you here. I just turned 34, am still a virgin, and have been asking God for a mate for three years. I don’t want kids, so my options are limited. I’m so sick of the depression and loneliness I feel. I have this terrible fear of being alone for the rest of my life, asking God “Why?” when I die, and having Him respond with “Who are you to question me?” they way He did with Job. He’s given me a great life and many blessings otherwise, but as others have said, there are days like this when I wish my desire for a mate and sex drive were non-existent.

  23. Daniel

    I have given up looking, nobody knows what marriage is anymore. I run across women with 4 and 5 ex’s.
    I’m almost 50 and never married nor have any kids. I don’t have the time to wait 3 years for the mask to come off, I don’t want to die alone. But I have been around long enough to know it’s better not to have want you always wanted, than to have what you Never wanted. People just can’t seem to get over their past wounds, and I stopped playing games 20 years ago. It’s just too spooky out there…

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