Anger at Being Single-Dealing with Anger in Relationships
Many single women and men walk around with a lot of anger because they are still single long past the time they thought they would be married. Does being single at this time in your life make you angry?
Target of Anger in Relationships
One target of a single person’s anger is directed at God Himself because He has not brought that one true love into their lives. Frustration, jealousy and discouragement cuts deep into them as their closest friends and colleagues (even the ones we thought would nver find anyone!….I know, what a wretched, ungodly thought!) have found their dating match and have gotten married.
Secondly, many Christian singles have unresolved anger against a previous dating relationship partner. Perhaps they were in an abusive relationship, or got dumped for reasons they never understood. This kind of anger has caused a festering of bitterness and cynicism in their hearts, which has only fostered more anger.
Finally, many singles, including Christian singles, have directed anger against themselves for their dating failures and apparent inability to find a marriage partner. Anger turned inward often results in depression, anxiety and a host of other physical ills.
Bible Verse of the Day
In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.
Ephesians 4:26.27
If you are a Christian single today struggling with anger over being single, or at having a failed dating relationship, remember the following practical tips that could help you:
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Admit your anger, and understand the reasons why you are feeling this emotion. Admitting you are ticked off means recognising the emotional and physical signs of anger. This admission is the first step toward resolving the issue. Many Christians suppress anger and feel guilty when they experiencel this powerful emotion because they believe it to be sinful in and of itself. This is simply not the case according to the above verse.
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Restrain your anger by setting ground rules on it. Anger becomes a problem when it becomes uncontrollable. By not letting the sun go down on our anger, we are consciously taking control of our anger. This may mean honestly addressing the person we are angry at, and having a heart to heart talk about our feelings before things get out of hand. At other times restraining our anger may mean taking a long walk to blow off steam, or having a good prayer session.
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Understand the consequences of uncontrolled anger. The Scripture states that unbridled anger (rage really) results in giving the devil, your mortal enemy, a stronghold in your life. We see the results of this kind of anger all over the world today in places like Iraq, our respective workplaces and even our own homes. When we truly understand what is at stake when we allow anger to rule us, we will be more motivated to practice good anger management.
Are you a single Christian who has an anger problem?
Related Article:
Singles Dating Tips: Learning How to Argue and Fight
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I appreciate that someone is writing about all this - I found this blog through one that talked about how Christian singles avoid activties and such at the church because it is all married couples and everyone is fascinated at why you are still single and that it must be something wrong with me and that they have no answers. Seriously, like I haven’t tried dating and praying about all this - they could maybe rack their brains of possible matches for me, right? Of course not, they have to worry about themselves. (Wow, maybe I do have a bit of anger..or bitterness or something about all this).
Anyway, I appreciate you writing this, and I dont think it is anger that I necessarily deal with, but loneliness and exhaustion from this journey. The verses of God’s plan and perseverance I believe, but are not really comforting anymore. Any suggestions on how to deal with loneliness while being single and waiting?
Nicky, thanks for the post. We are praying for you..May I humbly suggest 2 articles found here:
http://christian-dating-service-plus.com/singles-and-loneliness.htm
and also here:
http://christian-dating-service-plus.com/blog/christian-dating-and-waiting-on-god.html
I am with you Nicky! I feel the same way, but I am a bit angry at God. I am dealing with that though. I have been saved since 15 yrs old and I have kept myself pure. I am now entering perimenopause in my mid 30s sooooo yeah, I am a little upset. What is going on? Is God asleep up there? lol j/k Funny thing is it wasn’t a real concern until I started getting older and my biological clock started ticking. I can understand when you’ve only been saved a few years but it is going on 19 years! Hellloo! I am not content with being single anymore. It is also difficult because I am in a church of 3, one of which is me! So, no single people there and I am finding it difficult b/c I feel left out of all their mens and marriage couples’ seminars. I either need to be a man or a couple…I am neither so I am left w/o fellowship. I am trying to find a singles group to fellowship with but it is difficult.
If God wants me alone forever I wish he would take this cup from me and let it pass already. This is torture!
Anger at being single? Yup! Been there too. I’m a 33 yrs old male Christian. I’ve walked with the Lord for more than 17 years now. I’ve had comments that I might be “too picky”, but those comments generally came from acquaintances or Christians not involved in any ministry. So I took these comments for what they were worth and discarted them. My last relationship did’nt work precisely because I had too low standards. I have learned from the lesson an am now trying to apply more wisdom in my relationships with the other gender. It does not always come natural,but I try and have healthy and un-interested friendships with the other gender. Also, since I don’t know exactly for how long I will still be single, I try to put the spare time to some use. Besides tutoring youth at Christian camps, my target is to learn a new skill every year. Last year I took evening classes and became a goldsmith, this year I am training for a windsail license.
Hi,
I would have to agree with Niki, Corina and Jake….I am 37 single..and i have been cheerful about it so far….but of late I have been unable to “pretend” to be happy.
I do feel God is sleeping too. i wonder if there needs to be blog for singles like us !!
jake yu are a very handsome guy, if thts yu there, I wonder why yu ca’t find a nice girl to marry? I am a 30 yr old very attractive girl and I know I have missed so many oppotunities whilst in my twenties, I always wanted to sort out my life b4 getting married, i had a huge responsibility to take care of my siblings, since my parents died, so it was fo tht reason why i broke up with my last BF, cuz he thot i was wasting his time. I regret and blame myself on tht. Anyway, I was fine with single life until when I turned 27 thts 3yrs ago, I started worrying about my future and thinking of not having kids yet at this age, I am now 30 and still single, I must admit tht I am getting so grumpy each day, cuz I needs answers, Sometimes I think what am I going to teach my children about girl life when I haven’t enjoyed mine. I gave my life to christ at the age of 15, and I expected to graduate and celebrate my girl life thru a wonderful wedding. but here I go 30 and still single, I feel not only angry, but also embarrassed, its now affecting my social life, cuz all my friends are now parents even though most of them aren’t married but at least they have kids. I don’t think there will be any comforting enough WORDS for this particular issue, as long as we are living on earth, I am sure most of yu will agree that in most cases we are the ones who just pretend to be happy, but there is a constant pain and a sense of emptyness inside. However I tell myself nomatter wht happens here on earth we shall find answers when we meet our LORD, cuz problems of many kinds are always here whether yu r a christian, Married or Single there is always some battles to be fought in life journey, even tho they are all different.
My prayer for us all is to find happiness even tho things wont go the way we wish, some may end up single fo good, some may find their loved one eventualy, but all the same let JEHOVAH SHALOM be our PEACE..xx
Dear Linda,
Your love of the Lord shines through in your words. Sometimes it feels like our lives are slipping away, like watching sand fall through the hourglass, it tests our faith and we wonder if God really has a plan for us. When we give our lives over to Jesus we expect things to be different. From a worldly view, often they are not. That perfect job isn’t waiting for us, we are overburdened with responsibilities, and where is the Godly Christian man to be by our side?
God has a definite plan for you (Jeremiah 29:10-12) all be it difficult, we must be joyful in our hope and patient during the process. (Romans 12:12) Open your heart up to hear God’s will for you. He is preparing you for His purpose and in His perfect timing your Ezer (soul mate, helper) will be revealed. We must stay in the faith and keep our eyes focused on Jesus or we can miss some of the most beautiful gifts He has for us.
You have missed a part of your childhood during your journey and those years cannot be retrieved. You can rest on the truth that you are still a little girl to Abba (your heavenly Father). When the love of God tears down the walls your worldly experiences have built up, it reveals a little girl that didn’t experience the natural maturation process. Instead you were catapulted right into an adult life and role. God can fill that emptiness completely. When you close your eyes and pray, picture laying your head on Jesus lap. He will comfort you and never leave your side.
God Bless,
Jodi
I feel extreme pressure to marry and have a quiverful of children. I have a hard time worshiping God because he is angry all the time and scary. I feel like I have too marry because that is what Biblical Manhood is based on and a man must be able to lead his family or God will condem you.
I’ve recently turned 30 and I’ve found it hard to grasp that I’m still single and wanted to be married a few years ago. I was in a relationship and got dumped a month after I turned 30. I had been upset at God before but I realized I’m probably more upset at the church and the southern culture I live in that puts pressure on people to marry in their early to mid 20s.
I’ve realized lately that the worst thing I can feel is shame and no one should feel shame for being single. Many people get married early and they don’t know what they’re getting into. This is why so many marriges are failing even in the church. I’m glad that I’m able to learn the truths of what marriage is really supposed to be before I get into it. I also have the chance to learn from the mistakes of others.
Don’t give up and get discouraged. Put yourself out there that you can meet more people. If you feel ashamed of who you are it will keep you from pressing on. God has a reason that certain things go the way they do and I believe if you are following and trusting in Him he makes sure things work out for the best for you even though they sometimes seem unfair and make no sense.
I’m single but I consider myself married to the cross. Life does get lonely at times and church folks can make it worse but God is so faithful. He carries me when my heart is heavy and listens to every word and catches every tear. I am learning to trust him and not be angry or feel less than but to choose the path of peace every time.
Hello Everyone,
Last Sunday I accepted God as my personal savior because for one I felt my relationship with God could be strong and two I want to clear my heart and mind from all negative things. I’ve been single going on 2 years now I am 26. These past two years have been the worst ever on the dating scene and I don’t even want to try anymore. I get so upset at this because I feel I have everything going for me. I pray so much, sometimes in the restroom at work just for patients and understanding. But I have faith that God has a plan for each of us. And with more patients and prayer our wishes and desires will come to pass.
Blessed day all.