One of the hardest things for Christian singles is remaining sexually pure. It doesn’t matter if you are a single woman or man, or whether you believe in courtship or traditional dating.
Yes, remaining sexually pure as a single Christian is a real battle, a tug-o-war between our raging hormones and desires, and our Lord’s plan for our lives in this area: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified, that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable.” (1Thes 4:3)
If you are a Christian single struggling with sexual impurity, you are probably doing so in one or more of these areas:
- Pornography addiction
- A Christian dating relationship that started off well, but has now devolved into an out-of-control sexual one
- Habitual masturbation
- An adulterous relationship with someone else’s mate
Christain Singles’ Sexual Sins and Isolation
More than most any other sin, sexual sins tend to be be hidden, secret sins that few close to us will know we are commiting. Also, due to the perceived embarrassing nature of sexual impurity, many Christain singles feel they have no where to turn for help with their sexual problems. Additionally, many churches lack mechanisms to deal with such issues.
Help for Christian Singles with Sexual Impurity in Their Lives
Dear single brothers and sisters, if you are feeling lost and alone in sexual impurity, and see no way out, let me make the following suggestions:
Remember how much God loves you.
Although sexual impurity may take you out of fellowship with your Heavenly Father, His love for you remains unchanged. If you are now living in sexual sin, you are one prayer away from forgiveness and complete cleansing (1John 1:9). His heart’s desire for you is complete restoration, and the rebuilding of your intimate relationship with Him.
Understand God’s perspective on sex.
Hey, I love sex, and I hope you do too. But the fact of the matter is God loves sex even more than we do. Afterall, he thought of it, right?
Most of us have heard that God is not a kill-joy when it comes to sex (See Song of Solomon). Yet as it’s inventor, He wants us to enjoy the full purpose for which he created it. It’s a wonderful and exciting expression of love within the bonds of marraige between a man and a woman. When we settle for anything less than this, we cheat ourselves.
Find a Christian singles support group for sharing and accountability.
The Scriptures tell us we should confess our faults to one another (James 5:16). Why? Sharing our sins and struggles in a safe group setting helps the healing process and causes spiritual growth.
If your church does not have such a group, do a Google search for one in your area. It’s easy.
Avoid situations which bring added temptation.
Paul told Timothy to flee youthful lusts. Only you know the situations that cause you temptation. We know that good intentions can only go so far, but with Jesus’ help you can have victory over sexual impurity in your life.
Are you a Christian single who has struggled with sexual impurity? Help other singles by sharing your thoughts and comments.
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Posted: Christian Singles and Sex, Christian Singles Dating Tags: none
Let’s talk about the M word and Christian singles. Male masturbation. Female masturbation. Adolescent masturbation. Chronic masturbation. Is it a sin to masturbate? Are you feeling uncomfortable yet? Most churches apparently are because they avoid the masturbation topic as well as Osama bin Laden evades captivity. This is a little ironic, to say the least, when survey after survey reveals a majority of single Christians of all different ages (guys and gals) have masturbated.
As a Christian single, just what are your feelings about masturbation? Are you a masturbator? Do you struggle with your Christian Lifestyle because you feel it is morally wrong? Do you live in guilt and confusion over the whole issue?
Personally, I can’t stand it when Christian teachers are so dogmatic on the “rights” and “wrongs” of masturbatory activities because it’s such a complex issue, with many different contingencies connected to the practice. So I’ll try to leave my preaching in the pulpit as I share from my heart some observations and Scriptures to help guide you through this sensitive issue.
Masturbation Observations
- The Bible is silent on the issue of masturbation even though the vast majority of humankind is preoccupied with it.
- The Roman Catholic Church, some Protestant denominations and even Webster’s Dictionary have attempted to equate the sin of Onan (Genesis 38:6-10) with masturbation, but a simple exegesis of these passages precludes this possibility. You see, under Jewish law, a person was required to procreate with his brother’s widow. When Onan refused out of selfishness, the Lord killed him. The bottom line here? God did not whack Onan for whacking off, but rather for “spilling his seed” by ejaculating outside of his dead brother’s wife during sexual intercourse.
- Many Christian singles and not a few Christian pastors feel masturbation to orgasm is acceptable in order to: 1) relieve unabated sexual tension, and/or 2) to avoid sexual immorality. The catch is that there should be no lustful thoughts connected to the act.
- The vast majority of single Christians feel that compulsive masturbation, simply for the purpose of self gratification, is always wrong. Most would also agree that habitual masturbation while single will make it harder for any future spouse to please them sexually.
Notwithstanding the above points, let the following paraphrased verses guide you as you pray and seek the Lord over whether masturbating should have any room in your life as a single person:
- Matthew 5:28- Looking lustily at a woman (or a man if you’re a woman) means you are commiting adultery in your heart.
- 1 Corinthians 6:12- All things are lawful for you, but not all things are profitable.
- 1Corinthians 6:19,20- Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and so you should glorify God with it.
- 1 Thessalonians 4:4,5- You should learn to control your body in a holy and honourable way, not in passionate lust like the heathens.
- 2 Peter 2:19- You are a slave to whatever has mastered you.
- James 4:17- If you know you should do something, but fail to do it, it’s sin.
Finally, if you are a Christian who is really beating yourself up over the issue of masturbation, or are struggling with sexual impurity, remember that Jesus offers forgiveness (1 John 1:9) you and loves you where you are. Also consider the words of James Dobson of Focus on the Family:
“It is my opinion that masturbation is not much of an issue with God. It does not cause disease. It does not produce babies, and Jesus did not mention it in the Bible. I’m not telling you to masturbate, and I hope you won’t feel the need for it. But if you do, it is my opinion that you should not struggle with guilt over it.”
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Posted: Christian Singles and Sex Tags: none
The Bible talks about four basic purposes of sex: procreation, recreation, release and intimate communication. Does it get any better than this?
Regarding sex as intimate communication, our Bible verse of the day is found in Genesis 2:24: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
Most Bible expositors teach that the “one flesh” spoken of in our verse means the amazing blending of body, spirit, mind and soul–your entire being–with your husband or wife. Talk about intimate communication!
In essence, the Lord’s great plan for sex was intended for married couples as a means of totally revealing themselves to each other. Sex is intimate communication because it provides a way for of a couple to “know” each other in the full sense of the word. That’s why Christian singles who choose to have sex outside of a commitment in marriage may enjoy “great sex”, but cheat themselves out of all the rest as God intended.
Today, as you dwell on the topic of sex as communication, pray for your future husband or wife. You may not know who they are, but God does! Thank the Lord that you are a sexual being, and thank Him that He is preparing a mate that will one day become “one flesh” with you.
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Posted: Bible Verse of Day, Christian Singles and Sex Tags: sex, communication, intimate communication, genesis 2:24, one flesh.
John is a thirty-something Christian single whose sex life is a real mess! After just promising God through tears that he would clean up his sex life, and not have sex again with his Christian girlfriend, he ended up in the sack this past Saturday night for the umpteenth time.
John is now depressed over his lack of sexual purity. He also knows his sex life is out of control, but doesn’t know where to turn. He is afraid others will judge him, and is embarrassed to discuss his sex life with a counselor. Worst of all, John feels God can’t forgive him of this sexual sin because it happens over and over again.
Does this story sound familiar to you? If I had a penny for every time I heard single women and single men sing the “sex life blues”, I’d be able to retire. Fact is, many single Christians walk around with guilt, depression and heaviness of heart due to sex life sins that so easily entangle them.
If you are one of the many people struggling (like myself) with temptations in your sex life, please know that our Lord has not abandoned you. There is no sin too great that he cannot forgive; no wound too deep that He cannot heal. Just go to Him humbly, and be honest about your sex life. Pour out your heart and Jesus will meet you where you are, and bring peace.
Verse Of The Day
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1John 1:9.
Quote Of The Day
There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that God will not forgive. You cannot “out-sin” His forgiveness. You cannot “out-sin” the love of God.
Kathy Troccoli
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Posted: Bible Verse of Day, Christian Singles and Sex Tags: none
Most seasoned Christians are familiar with 2 Corinthians 6:14, concerning being unequally yoked. Most Christians may also agree that a believer should not marry a non-believer.
However, the problem is that being unequally yoked goes beyond just marriage. Any partnership that “yokes” a believer with a non-believer should be avoided. One example of this issue is when a Christian and a non-Christian embark in a business together. Christian values and moneymaking are at odds many times.
Dating is a partnership too. If a believer knows for sure that the potential “date” is a non-believer, the issue of dating should be a “no brainer” for the Christian. He is unequally yoked. The believer shouldn’t rationalize the decision to date as an opportunity to witness and “create” a Christian spouse. The Believer can witness and evangelize without dating, and the witness will be more powerful.
Is it a sin for a believer to date a non-believer? I don’t know, but I do know it is unwise. The Bible is filled with individuals who decided not to follow the Lord’s Wisdom and found misery.
Bible Verse of the Day
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?
2 Cor 6:14
Larry Phillips, the author of this article, is a Youth Leader at Oleander United Methodist Church, located in Union Grove Alabama. He may be contacted at RandomPneumatics@Hotmail.com
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Posted: Christian Marriage, Lonely Woman, Single Dads, Bible Verse of Day, Christian Singles and Sex, Christian Singles Dating Tags: unequally yoked, christian, dating non-believers, dating, evangelize, partnership, believer, 2 corinthians 6:14, bible verse.
Please pray for Ted Haggard, of New Life Church in Colorado. Oh, Jesus will forgive Haggard’s gay sex massage, meth use and hypocrisy. But how about the evangelical Christians out there and the Liberal press?
Yeah, I know many folks are in shock that Haggard, the leader of the National Association of Evangelicals (NEA), and someone who is in touch with the Bush White House on a regular basis, would engage in things like gay sex, drugs and who knows what else.
Fallout from Haggard’s Gay Sex Admission
Interviewing several Christian singles on the Haggard and gay sex issue, we elicited feelings of anger, pain, betrayal and disgust. One 25 year old Christian single girl lamented that she did not know if she could ever trust another “Christian leader” again. How sad is that? Let’s pray that other single Christians will not be negatively affected by gay sex sins, or any other sins their leaders commit.
Ted Haggard’s Apology for Gay Sex Sin
The press is having fun hammering Pastor Ted’s gay sex admission, especially in light of his public opposition to homosexuality and gay marriage. However, most media outlets conveniently left out the heart of Haggard’s letter of apology to his church for his fall into gay sex. Therefore, we thought it would be good to show it here:
To my New Life Church family:I am so sorry. I am sorry for the disappointment, the betrayal, and the hurt. I am sorry for the horrible example I have set for you.I have an overwhelming, all-consuming sadness in my heart for the pain that you and I and my family have experienced over the past few days. I am so sorry for the circumstances that have caused shame and embarrassment to all of you.I asked that this note be read to you this morning so I could clarifymy heart’s condition to you. The last four days have been so difficult for me, my family and all of you, and I have further confused the situation with some of the things I’ve said during interviews with reporters who would catch me coming or going from my home. But I alone am responsible for the confusion caused by my inconsistent statements. The fact is, I am guilty of sexual immorality, and I take responsibility for the entire problem.
I am a deceiver and a liar. There is a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I’ve been warring against it all of my adult life.
For extended periods of time, I would enjoy victory and rejoice in freedom. Then, from time to time, the dirt that I thought was gone would resurface, and I would find myself thinking thoughts and experiencing desires that were contrary to everything I believe and teach.
Through the years, I’ve sought assistance in a variety of ways, with none of them proving to be effective in me. Then, because of pride, I began deceiving those I love the most because I didn’t want to hurt or disappoint them.
The public person I was wasn’t a lie; it was just incomplete. When I stopped communicating about my problems, the darkness increased and finally dominated me. As a result, I did things that were contrary to everything I believe.
The accusations that have been leveled against me are not all true, but enough of them are true that I have been appropriately and lovingly removed from ministry. Our church’s overseers have required me to submit to the oversight of Dr. James Dobson, Pastor Jack Hayford, and Pastor Tommy Barnett. Those men will perform a thorough analysis of my mental, spiritual, emotional, and physical life. They will guide me through a program with the goal of healing and restoration for my life, my marriage, and my family.
I created this entire situation. The things that I did opened the door for additional allegations . But I am responsible; I alone need to be disciplined and corrected. An example must be set.
It is important that you know how much I love and appreciate my wife, Gayle. What I did should never reflect in a negative way on her relationship with me. She has been and continues to be incredible. The problem is not with her, my children or any of you. It was created 100 percent by me.
I have been permanently removed from the office of Senior Pastor of New Life Church. Until a new senior pastor is chosen, our Associate Senior Pastor Ross Parsley will assume all of the the responsibilities of the office. On the day he accepted this new role, he and his wife, Aimee, had a new baby boy. A new life in the midst of this circumstance - I consider the confluence of events to be prophetic. Please commit to join with Pastor Ross and the others in church leadership to make their service to you easy and without burden. They are fine leaders. You are blessed.
I appreciate your loving and forgiving nature, and I humbly ask you to do a few things.
1.) Please stay faithful to God through service and giving.
2.) Please forgive me. I am so embarrassed and ashamed. I caused this and I have no excuse. I am a sinner. I have fallen. I desperately need to be forgiven and healed.
3.) Please forgive my accuser. He is revealing the deception and sensuality that was in my life. Those sins, and others, need to be dealt with harshly. So, forgive him and, actually, thank God for him. I am trusting that his action will make me, my wife and family, and ultimately all of you, stronger. He didn’t violate you; I did.
4.) Please stay faithful to each other. Perform your functions well. Encourage each other and rejoice in God’s faithfulness. Our church body is a beautiful body, and like every family, our strength is tested and proven in the midst of adversity. Because of the negative publicity I’ve created with my foolishness, we can now demonstrate to the world how our sick and wounded can be healed, and how even disappointed and betrayed church bodies can prosper and rejoice.
Gayle and I need to be gone for a while. We will never return to a leadership role at New Life Church. In our hearts, we will always be members of this body. We love you as our family. I know this situation will put you to the test. I’m sorry I’ve created the test, but please rise to this challenge and demonstate the incredible grace that is available to all of us.
Ted Haggard
Pastor Haggard’s gay sex confession was heartwrenching and raw. And it was all somehow very refreshing to finally hear the truth stripped of all excuses, and laid bare for all to see. Okay, Haggard was caught like a rat, and lied at first. But he eventually did come clean in a humble way about his gay sex encounters and struggles. He didn’t have to do this.
Look, was Haggard being a hypocrite for making public stands against the homosexual lifestyle, while at the same time engaging in gay sex? Yes. Did he commit a grievious sin as a minister of of Jesus Christ? Yes again.
How Pastor Haggard Affects Us
After I read Pastor Ted’s apology, the Lord convicted me in several areas:
- Many of us, including myself, have judged Pastor Haggard over his gay sex affair. But do we have have need to confess secret sins as well? Now that was a scary thought!
- Am I truly willing to forgive Pastor Haggard, and better yet, Christian close to us who have done us wrong?
Bible Verses of Day
“Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:1-5
Are you a Christian with something to to share about Ted Haggard and his gay sex sins?
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Posted: Ted Haggard, Gay Sex, Bible Verse of Day, Christian Singles and Sex Tags: ted haggard, haggard, gay sex, New Life Church, Colorado, meth
There is an amazing connection between forgiveness and healing in the Bible. Forgiveness has amazing benefits. Forgiveness can heal broken relationships, broken hearts and even bring health to one’s body. Only recently have secular psychologists and doctors begun speaking of the healing power of forgiveness in one’s life.
The Forgiveness Problem
Many Christian singles have problems with their health and the relationships in their lives because they have a major issue with forgiveness. For example, some singles have had such sour dating relationships with cheaters and patholigical liars that they now find it hard to grant forgiveness. Others walk around gloomy and depressed because they they can’t forgive themselves for past sex sins that God has long forgiven.
Are you a single Christian today in need of forgiveness for how you treated someone in the past? Remember Jesus suffered for all your wrongdoing. If He says he has forgiven you (1 John 1:9), in faith you need to forgive yourself. Is there someone seeking your forgiveness, but you just can’t open up to that person? Jesus says forgive, and you shall be forgiven. (Luke 6:37).
I really hope you don’t think I’m preaching to you. Why? Because lately a whole bunch of people have been ticking off to the point where I have had a difficult time forgiving them. So I’ll make a deal with you. You pray for me and I’ll pray for you, okay?
Bible Verse of the Day
“Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” Colossians 3:13
Feel free to share your views on relationships and forgiveness.
Posted: Bible Verse of Day, Christian Singles and Sex Tags: Dating Relationships, Forgiveness, Luke 6:37
All Christian single men battle lust of the flesh from time to time. In fact, let’s just make that ALL guys, whether they be single men or married men, Christian or non-Christian. One single man pal of mine said if his girlfriend ever knew his thoughts, she would never stop slapping him! Listen, men struggle with lust, and any single man who says otherwise is just lying out of fear, manipulative motives, embarrassment or a combination of the three.
The reaction of most single women reading the above about single men may vary:
- Some may feel disgusted or discouraged that all single men lust.
- Some may be thinking their single men is not like all the rest they’re dating them (um…dream on)
- Some may feel so uncomfortable discussing the single men and lust topic that they prefer to ignore it by invoking the Too Much Information (TMI) rule when the subject comes up.
Unfortunately, none of the above reactions will help a single gal really understand and connect with a single men, let alone help him in any way.
Single Men Need Help
What Christian single men really need is an environment of open communication and compassionate counsel that will help him nip lust in the bud. The following verse needs to be in practice for single men to have a chance at conquering lust in their lives:
Bible Verse of Day
“Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galations 6:1,2
Unfortunately, since many evangelical churches encourage a culture of denial and secrecy, many single men suffer silently, and receive no help at all. Is it any wonder then, that our churches produce a sad story like Ted Haggard’s?
Hope for the Christian Single Man
Fortunately, single men who are dedicated Christians have it way over all other single men. The first reason for this is that they have a real desire to please Jesus. The second reason for hope is that Christian single men have the Holy Spirit living in them, who also gives them the power to fulfill their godly intentions.
Are you a Christian man who has a problem with lust, but help for you is far and few between? Let’s talk about it.
Christian Single Secrets
Christian Singles and Sex
Posted: 30-Somethings, Christian Single Men, Ted Haggard, 20-Somethings, Bible Verse of Day, Christian Singles and Sex Tags: single guys, Christian single guys, lust, evangelical, Christian single men, christian man
Sex sin is a huge issue for christian singles. Why? The simple answer is that most singles struggle with some form of sex sin, or at least tempted in this particular area.
What exactly is sexual sin? There are a number of words the Bible uses that would go under the umbrella of sexual sins:
- Fornication-Any unlawful sexual intercourse outside of marriage.
- Sexual Immorality-An other sexual activity outside of a God ordained union of man and wife, other than sexual intercourse, that would be considered defrauding your single brother or sister (1Thes. 4).
For example, oral sex outside of marriage would fall under this second category of sex sin. So, when a popular US president stated: “I did not have sex with that woman”, he was partially telling the truth in that he did not specifically commit fornication as biblically defined, but did partake in sexual immorality. Get it?
Phew! This is all a little confusing, and I’ll be the first to admit that there are a lot of gray areas. The point is though, I think most believers know when we are crossing a line into sex sin territory. If you’re one of the many single Christians struggling with sex sin, remember God’s wonderful provision of assistance:
Bible Verse of Day
“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. and God is faithful: He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so you can stand up under it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13
Posted: Bible Verse of Day, Christian Singles and Sex Tags: sex sin, Christian singles
The following article was written by Jesse Butler, an 18 year old Christian Teen:
Many people feel uncomfortable when the topic of sexual purity or abstinence comes up mainly due to their own temptations, or past sins. As Christians, we are commanded by God to live a sexually pure life. Now I’m sure that all of you have heard all this before: “Save sex for marriage, blah blah blah…”
But the problem is not knowing what is right. The real struggle is doing what is right and saving sex for the right place and time. (which is marriage) Today;s society is screaming at us to engage in sexual activities in any way, and as often as we would like with whoever we want. So how are we as Christians supposed to stay pure and live up to Gods standards.
Sexual Purity Tips
- A good thing that we can to avoid sexual sins is to make sure that we don’t put ourselves in situations where there is temptation. If you are in a dating relationship, and things are getting very serious, then it would be a bad idea to be together alone in a house because it may cause temptation which can lead to sexual sin. Instead go out somewhere where it would be difficult to take things too far.
- Try not to engage in activities that may tempt you to sin sexually. There many fun and creative dating ideas that you can choose from that will help you get brainstorming.
Overall, staying pure is a day by day commitment. Remember that God already has that special someone for you, and if you have sex before marriage, then you will be cheating yourself and your future soul mate of untold great sex.
Bible Verse of Day
We should not commit sexual immorality
1 Cor. 10:8
Christian Dating Service Home
Posted: Bible Verse of Day, Christian Singles and Sex Tags: sexual abstinence, Dating and Sex
