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Christian Singles and Sexual Impurity

One of the hardest things for Christian singles is remaining sexually pure. It doesn’t matter if you are a single woman or man, or whether you believe in courtship or traditional dating.

Yes, remaining sexually pure as a single Christian is a real battle, a tug-o-war between our raging hormones and desires, and our Lord’s plan for our lives in this area: “It is God’s will that you should be sanctified, that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable.” (1Thes 4:3)

If you are a Christian single struggling with sexual impurity, you are probably doing so in one or more of these areas:

  • Pornography addiction
  • A Christian dating relationship that started off well, but has now devolved into an out-of-control sexual one
  • Habitual masturbation
  • An adulterous relationship with someone else’s mate

Christain Singles’ Sexual Sins and Isolation

More than most any other sin, sexual sins tend to be be hidden, secret sins that few close to us will know we are commiting. Also, due to the perceived embarrassing nature of sexual impurity, many Christain singles feel they have no where to turn for help with their sexual problems. Additionally, many churches lack mechanisms to deal with such issues.

Help for Christian Singles with Sexual Impurity in Their Lives

Dear single brothers and sisters, if you are feeling lost and alone in sexual impurity, and see no way out, let me make the following suggestions:

Remember how much God loves you.

Although sexual impurity may take you out of fellowship with your Heavenly Father, His love for you remains unchanged. If you are now living in sexual sin, you are one prayer away from forgiveness and complete cleansing (1John 1:9). His heart’s desire for you is complete restoration, and the rebuilding of your intimate relationship with Him.

Understand God’s perspective on sex.

Hey, I love sex, and I hope you do too. But the fact of the matter is God loves sex even more than we do. Afterall, he thought of it, right?

Most of us have heard that God is not a kill-joy when it comes to sex (See Song of Solomon). Yet as it’s inventor, He wants us to enjoy the full purpose for which he created it. It’s a wonderful and exciting expression of love within the bonds of marraige between a man and a woman. When we settle for anything less than this, we cheat ourselves.

Find a Christian singles support group for sharing and accountability.

The Scriptures tell us we should confess our faults to one another (James 5:16). Why? Sharing our sins and struggles in a safe group setting helps the healing process and causes spiritual growth.

If your church does not have such a group, do a Google search for one in your area. It’s easy.

Avoid situations which bring added temptation.

Paul told Timothy to flee youthful lusts. Only you know the situations that cause you temptation. We know that good intentions can only go so far, but with Jesus’ help you can have victory over sexual impurity in your life.

Are you a Christian single who has struggled with sexual impurity? Help other singles by sharing your thoughts and comments.

Related Posts:

Christian Single Secrets

Christian Dating Service

90 Comments

  1. Anonymous

    Thank you so much for this. I’ve been struggling with masturbation over the past year and a half. I feel so terrible and guilty. I always tell myself and tell God I won’t ever do it again, but I said that… 10 months ago, and I say it again and again. I feel dreadful for being so disobedient and keeping it all to myself. This made me feel better and made me want to endeavor towards the ultimate goal of never doing again. Thank you again. In Christ.

  2. Anonymous

    Loving one is one thing, but if the one you love ask of more than what God would want you to do… such as having sex before marriage, DONT DO IT! You’re worth waiting for female or male and one of the best things you can do to please the lord is to just wait for his timeing. Some times letting go is the best way to let someone know you love them. Pray, and read the bible and you can’t go wrong. And when you feel like you’ve slipped and falled stand back up and go to the lord! God Bless!!!!!! 🙂

  3. Hope

    Hi my name is Hope and i just wanted to let you guys know that EVERYONE sins encluding preachers, teachers, pastors, christians, … But that doesnt mean you can’t know the lord and take in his word. I am a christian and have been one for years and yet i still fall under the sin of masterbating, cursing, and even having the wants of having sex….but thats when i have to be strong put it behind me and just say No. God loves you dont ever forget and when you feel ashamed or guilty ask for his forgiveness he hears you. I myself have found myself getting better at just saying No…its hard but if i can do it so can u dnt quit stay strong and most importantly go to the lord.

  4. Kavi

    Hi All, after reading your comments it’s kinda good to know that I’m not alone in this battle, although I think it would have been much better if non of us had to suffer like this. It is a continuoes battle between the mind and the spirit and for some reason the mind/flesh always wins and that’s why we keep doing it. I hate it when people say that masturbation si not wrong if it doesn’t involve lust, my thing is, why masturbate if you don’t desire something sexual, it just doesn’t make sense. For me masturbation is wrong, not because my pastor or leaders say so, but because I feel convicted about it. I am so far from being a saint, but I am a sinner with a future, just that I don’t know how to make my way past this mess. Right now it’s okay, because I’m talking to you guys about it, but when the thoughts come, and I lose control, nothing can help me,I’m like a lion thats very hungry, and nothing can get in a lions way when he sees prey. I wish that I knew how to turn my passion around and use it in my ministry. I’m currently on disipline, so I’m not involved in any church activities, I really needed this, but it feels like room for more sin. I need help, and a friend, I feel like my best friend(The Lord) has turned his face away because the sight is too painful to bear:)broken hearted and lost

  5. Tina

    I have not done any sexual intercourse with someone but I still feel that I am not pure and I feel so terrible because I’ve been engage in pornography such as reading sex stories and I know that It’s not good and I feel very ashamed of my self because I was a Sunday School teacher in our church before and I everybody thinks that I’m such a good person but they don’t know that I am really struggling inside. Actually I was able to stop engaging my self in doing such things for like 3 months and now this week I did it again and I feel so scared to God because He might be very angry to me and maybe He feels very disappointed to me. I really want to stop doing this I want to be clean and pure. Lord, I am so sorry for engaging my self in pornography, please help me to stop doing this and Lord please help me to become a better person. I am asking that you will give me a strong will to say no to the urges of temptation. Lord please help me….

  6. Charles

    Hey Tina,

    It is great that you are open and candid about your struggle. I am guy here (in mid 20s) and have a similar struggle viewing visually explicit material. But, I find that God is taking me through a path, that though I slip and fall headlong at times, He still picks me up, speaks words of encouragement to me and tells me that He still loves me the same. And as I allow God, the Holy Spirit to work the Grace of Christ Jesus into my heart, I find that my heart is getting strengthened by the day (as per the Bible verse ‘Wait on the Lord and He shall strengthen your heart’). As a result, I am able to understand God’s amazing love for me, His child, deep down in my very being and I am able to say NO to lust. God also reminds me of His wonderful provision for me in terms of a wonderful married relationship with His daughter in future. This hope too helps me say a big NO to lust and porn.

  7. Just can't do this any more

    I am so tired of fighting sexual urges and battling with this issue. I was a very strong Christian until I fell in love with someone who did not believe. I waited for so long to meet someone but I never did until I was well into my late twenties. I still truly love this woman with all my heart but I broke up with her because we had sex and I felt too guilty about everything. She was one of my best friends and I feel that religion has messed up everything in my life. I ended up a complete wreck because of this. All I have now in my life is loneliness and I feel like I cannot be celibate until I am married. I am tired of waiting and I am angry with God. It is easy to say that you are going to wait until marriage when you are 18, but when you are going into your THIRTIES it just feels impossible!!!!!! Everyone else I know who does not believe in God is enjoying their young lives and young bodies and having sex all the time while I am the one who is totally depressed and a complete wreck. Why is this? Aren’t Christians supposed to feel peace, love and joy in their lives. I agree with Tired who commented above that it is too much to deal with some times. I really feel like I should just walk away from this stupid faith and never come back but I have tried to do that and I can’t. I can’t live without God but I am struggling to live as a Christian. Most of my friends are married by now and they cannot understand me. I get so depressed some times that I just want to kill myself. I just don’t know what to do anymore because I feel like being a Christian just isn’t worth it anymore.

  8. katsel4

    I understand how you are feeling…
    I am 42 yrs old divorced and i have 2 religious sisters who expect me to wait till i am married…im like OMG …im a grown woman..not a virgin…and i am in love with a man who i just 3 mths ago flew to england to see him and be with,

    well,i dont believe alot of this wait till your married stuff….and the church /christianity to me trys to make sex look like ohhh such a terrible sin…if you have it outside of marriage.
    My belief is..if your in love with someone…and your a grown adult….having sex with your partner isnt wrong at all.

    I waited around 3 yrs to see my fella..and i was faithful….and genuine while i waited and i damn well deserved what he gave me…when we were finally together again last may ….i love him…dearely and deeply i do.And if any religious group..church trys to make that wrong..disgusting…and ohhhhhhh what a huge sin….they are judgemental.Religion needs to keep their nose out of other peoples sex lives..and i am meaning adults sex lives.If you love the person as i do my guy .,,,,,there is nothing wrong with it.

    religion/chrisitanity tries to make it dirty…when it isnt…and tries to place shame on us for showing our partner affection that is more than just kissing..holding hands..hugging.

    Let me tell .i am a christian….and if you think im not by what i posted…then you are judgemental…….

    God doesnt look down upon people for having sex with soemone they love…………God looks down upon those who have sex with the ones they dont love..one night stands..etc

    H e will deal with those people.

  9. doug

    To all: I to have struggled with some of these sins as mentioned above. But I am sad but not defeated in my struggle to put an end to these sins. Some God has taken from me, some remain. I think some remain to remind me that I am a sinner and I will die a sinner. But a saved sinner. All christians sins are forgiven ALL past, present and future. Praise Jesus! We are all in a process of santification. That means God is at work in your life showing you your sins through the Holy Spirit. Thats who is convicting you of your sin. Thats why you fill ashamed. Stay the course and God will free you, just stay the course. Fight the fight. And even if you die today your sins are forgiven. Praise Jesus! See Jesus is more concerned about the condition of your heart than if you can obey all he wills for you. If you could do all that then who needs jesus. So stay the course and remember your going to heaven not because you you can keep all Gods commands, but because your already pure in Gods eyes. That doesn’t give you the licence to sin, and what true christian would want to. Stay in the battle and when you die God could say to you “Well done my good and faithful servent”. God is perfect you are not.

  10. doug

    Masterbating in itself in NOT a sin. It’s what you are thinking that can be lust or just impure and that is sin. Eating is not a sin but glutney is. Drinking is not a sin but drunkeness is. Any abuse to the temple of GOD which is what your body is, as a christian sin. Porno is always a sin because the images that you see are perverted,impure and unnatural. Read Ezekiel 23 especially Eze23:14 “But she carried her prostitution still further. She saw men PORTRAYED ON A WALL, figures of Chaldeans portrayed in red, 15 with belts around their waists and flowing turbans on their heads; all of them looked like Babylonian chariot officers, natives of Chaldea. 16 As soon as she saw them, she lusted after them and sent messengers to them in Chaldea. 17 Then the Babylonians came to her, to the bed of love, and in their lust they defiled her. She saw an image on the wall and lusted for them and called them unto herself. Now that’s LUST. She looked at a picture on a wall, saw, and had to have them and it (lust) bore sin. Now back in those days big hunky men were probably soft porn. It made her horny. So Matthew 5:28 “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” That is what it really is. NOT just thinking about sex with a woman, but actualy going for it and you have set your mind (heart) on getting her for sex. It’s not only thinking about having sex with another women It’s plotting and going to try to see if you can get her. And if that kind of thought comes into your heart you have already committed adultery.

  11. Techieperson

    katsel4 – In reply to your post I just wanted to give my own viewpoint. Firstly, God actually created our bodies and he created sex. He created it to be a beautiful thing and it surely is! In fact, God told us to go forth and multiply so it is not something that God created to be misconceived as being bad, or disguisting. I think you know that though! but just stating that point in the lead up to my second point. My second point is that affection is the language of love expressed through the body. Holding someones hand, says “I’m with you”, a hug could say “You’re safe with me”. A simple sign of affection expressed by the body says more than words possibly could in many cases! This brings me to sex before marriage. Sex is the most intimate sign of affection you can give to another. It is self giving, it is saying “I am absolutely completely yours” When not in the context of marriage, you have to ask oneself, am I therefore telling a lie with my body, because I am not married to this person and am therefore not committing myself to them for the rest of my life. A general rule of thumb is that you should only be as physically affectionate with someone as you are willing to commit. That means anything from no kissing on the first date if you’re not even sure if you can commit to a second date to no sex before marriage if you feel you can’t commit to that person for the rest of your life.

    God bless you and keep you.

  12. Sandj

    I would like to thank all of you for your comments and your honesty because without it, I wouldn’t have been feeling even a tad better right now.

    The lord has been in my life, my parents’ life and back to my ancestors. I wasn’t always aware of his importance in my life until just a couple of years ago. I met my bf 3 years ago, he’s a great guy and he even proposed. We have never had sexual intercourse, because that would “never” ever happen. I don’t want it and he doesn’t either because we love the Lord so much. But we’ve done many other things that lead to sin nonetheless; Because we all know, just thinking of the matter is already doing it.

    The more i get closer to the Lord… the more I feel bad whenever I even think impurely. And it gets even worse when I get to the point of feeling the pleasure through my fantasies. After it’s all over, I would even pinch myself and ask myself, why do you do that? Why do you come back to the same point EVERY time?? I feel so lost. God is giving me messages and I know it, because I don’t confess. I know he wants me to and I know that by confessing, I might be forgiven… The thing is, I’m so ashamed… I feel so embarrassed, I can’t talk to the priest I know. Even the ones I don’t know! I don’t know how I could talk to someone… and just tell them FACE to FACE, that I have sexual thoughts, and sinned sexually even just in thought… This is how ashamed I feel. It’s to that extent. I don’t know how to open up to any priest..

    I don’t know what to do about this. I know I have to confess, to begin a new start. I know that God is sending me that message everywhere I go. I was in a scouts meeting, and in our religious lecture, the priest started randomly talking about repenting and how we need to confess to be forgiven! I know that this is maybe what I need… but I just can’t do it.
    Pray for me all, please, and give me your advice.

    God Bless you all,
    Sandj

  13. jennipher

    Thank you thank you thank you for theses posts. JUST A WARNING!- MY STORY IS VERY SHAMEFUL: I have been struggling with sexual impurity for years. I slept with a married man wen i was 17. Then I slept with the brother of a guy I was seeing thinking it would ! I have been struggling with pornpgraphy addiction for about 2 years. Pornograpy is such a awful and serious sin because it is very difficult to escape from. I felf sooooo sick when after watching it (ESPECIALLY since im a woman in my 20s). and then promis I wont do it again, and then of course I fail. Also I wouldnt want to pray to God after because of the shame. My excuse for watching it was that ‘I havent slept with anyone since I was 17 so this is ok’. But its not because it SEPERATES us from GOD. GOD created sex. He knew that we would love it; thats why he made conditions as to how it is appropriate. It should ONLY be done within a MARRIED communion, where a commitment is made with each other’s body.

    Inside myself I knew that what I was doing was wrong and that I needed to change. I then started to put myself right with God and get to know Jesus all over again. Because without Jesus, we will all be lost and completely done for. I have started reading a book called MESSAGES TO YOUNG PEOPLE by ELLEN G WHITE. and it teches about the importance of SELF CONTROL of the BODY as well as the MIND! It also taught me that when u sin, you CAN still PRAY, and tell God about your sin no matter how unworthy u feel.I have also started reading the Bible again and I have began to remember that God really does LOVE us all ( sooooooo much that he sent his only Son, our Lord Jesus Christ to die on our behalf and face humiliation and ridecule so we didnt have to). And JESUS has soooooooo much love for alll of us: He loves us (the sinner) but hates our wrong actions (the sin). I am learning each day to have self control over my mind and body and i havent watched pornograpy for so long that I dont even want to remember the last time.

    So after this long ramble, I wanna say that we can all be free of any sexual impurity on 4 oconditions; 1. CONFESS TO GOD OUR SINS 2. CHANGE OUR MIND ABOUT WANTING TO SIN 3.ASK JESUS DAILY TO HELP US TO RESIST TEMPTATION (because HE knows how hard temptation can be) 4. READ THE BIBLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  14. Jade

    Yes, I do agree you first have to repeat first with a sincere heart to begin your healing and your deliverance. I remember when I was having the same issues. God lead me to the church I currently attend and I learned about accountablity. See the devil wants you to hide what you doing and not seek out help. Two verses that really helped me was 1 Corithians 10:11-12. I prayed that God would send some individuals in my life that had overcame this temptation and who I could confess my sexual sins to. Thank God he has delivered me. The one that I learned is even if I am having a wrong thought, I can go to my accountabilty partner and we can pray together. But first of all I go to God, read my word and pray. I will remember you in my prayers.

  15. Jodi Conaty

    Dear Sandj,

    It is so refreshing to hear your committment to waiting until you are married to have intercourse. This is a wonderful decision you have made that you will never regret. It seems that you have had struggles in some other areas, but that does not erase the accomplishment you have in protecting the most important part of your sexual purity. I can understand how impossible it must feel to confess these things to a priest.

    Confession and repentance is essential to our forgiveness, Christians have different opionions on what form this takes on. Without entering into an area of philosophical debate on the subject I will focus on what holds true for all Christian, regardless of denomination.

    God Himself, and He alone, takes away sin. (Lev. 4:21; Num. 5:7; 2 Sam. 12:13: Ps. 32:5, 38:19; 51:5,19) It is Jesus’ blood on the cross that saves us and that alone. Not deeds, or good works, not any religious rituals. When we try to add those things into the mix, we are saying that his crucifixtion wasn’t sufficient.

    Think of it this way. When God created Adam and Eve they were right with God. They lived in the garden of Eden and enjoyed all the benifits of being in God’s grace. They were disobedient and brought sin into the world. Then they were seperate from God. The Old Testament is full of rituals, sacrifices and Pharisees.

    That is why mankind needed a savior.

    When Jesus died for our sins he restored our relationship to God. We are no longer seperate from God. We have complete access to God through Jesus Christ.

    The bible tells us if we confess our sins to God, and repent we are forgiven. “If My people, who are called by My name, shall humble themselves, pray, seek, crave, and require of necessity My face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven, forgive their sin, and heal their land. (2 Chronicles 7: 14)

    I hope you can be comforted in this promise that God has given to us.

    God Bless,

    Jodi

  16. Ann

    My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for about 8-9 months. I have been a strong Christian for years, but Christianity is a lot newer to him, so he is maturing in his faith. However, lately we have been struggling with sexual sin. We haven’t been having intercourse, but we still know that the things we are doing are not pleasing to God and we feel guilt afterwards. We have committed to not having a physical relationship, but is this enough? I have read elsewhere that you should break off the relationship for a period of 6 months and then consider whether this relationship is in God’s will. I think what makes it so hard is that we have talked about marriage a lot and that kinda threw things out of control. I care about my boyfriend very much, but is it possible for this relationship to still be a part of God’s will if we have been struggling with sin? We have now committed to stop all physical relations, but only time will tell if that will last. I feel like it will, because we truly want to please God. Also, though, I feel like I don’t know if we should take the risk because we should flee from temptation to protect ourselves. Right now the best thing I think would be for us to take time apart to work on our personal relationships with God and then decide if it is God’s will for us to be together. It’s really hard to be apart, though… Please let me know if you have any advice.
    Thanks!

  17. Kyle

    Look, sexual sin is a killer. I’m only 13 and God is doing amazing things in my life. Im the leader of a bible study, currently changing peoples lives, just I see just some of the things God is doing for me. Then this sin is killing me. Before I found christ I was addicted to masturbation and porn. Then when I became a Christian it became worse. Im so lost and scared and I dont even know what to say. Im so scared that my life may be ruined by this that im helplessly telling you what my problem is and Im stuck. Im only 13 what do I do? Every time I think im free it comes up again. And I dont even feel shameful anymore because I have abandoned Gods forgiveness and sexual sinned knowing id be forgiven and it was really messed up. I want to change the world I love helping people but what most people dont realize about me is that my heart is aching for love and peace and freedom. I need help. All I do is help others but I just cant seem to help myself. What do I do?

  18. Bry

    It is very encouraging to read through all of the previous posts by my brothers and sisters! We are all “in the fight” between our old nature (flesh) and the new nature (Holy Spirit)!!

    Keep this in mind- We except Christ for our forgivness once, but we are to choose HIM daily. I totally relate to the scenarios of not wanting to sin, but then finding ourselves on our sin- ashamed knees once again. I also understand the feeling that we just can’t be “right” with GOD after SOOO many times of sinning in the same area. This is a defeating, selfish stance! I know your saying, “but I was selfish for the sexual sin, and now your telling me I’m selfish for feeling as though GOD can’t forgive me”? Yes, that is exactly what I’m saying!! GET YOURSELF ON YOUR KNEES AND TELL GOD YOU ARE SORRY, AND THEN GET BACK IN THE FIGHT!!!!!! Everytime you start to “feel” the “urge” coming on, KNOW FOR SURE that your flesh is on the prowl and it’s only a matter of time! If you don’t focus on GOD by getting on your knees RIGHT THEN, you will most likely be on your knees later, but asking for forgivness AGAIN!

    I have been struggling with sexual sin since I became a Christian, and I believe I will continue to sin until I pass on from this life, BUT, this in no way indicates that a sinful life is okay!

    GOD created sex to strengthen the bond between husband and wife, and for “them” to produce children within the framework of a Christian environment. It is not a sin to desire sex, but it is a sin to use sex incorrectly… such as lust,porn,articles,imagining,intercourse,masturbation,etc. outside of the union of marriage. I believe the desire for sex can be of the flesh and/or of the Spirit. The “flesh desire” for sex is rooted in selfishness, control, release, attention from lack of self worth, anger, insecurity, stress, anxiety, wanting to satisfy the other person for fear of rejection or loss of the relationship, wanting to strengthen the relationship before the GOD-given time, etc.. The “Spirit desire” for sex is rooted in selflessness, love, peace, joy, faith, confidence,…basically everything that is opposite of the flesh desires. SO, we must constanly check ourselves to evaluate if our desires are of the Spirit or the Flesh. Now, I know this seems obvious, but Christian singles of any age should only be living or/and courting in the Spirit until and throughout marriage!! What this means is that even though you are married, you both must be still keeping yourself living in the Spirit and not the flesh….can you say adultrey or divorce??

    I know all to well of the tempting circumstances, the stressful situations, the lonley or boring times, the pressure from others doing what they want, being the only one not having sex, which IS the exact time that I myself get weak and then succumb to the flesh desires!! But why?? Because I lost my focus “in the Spirit”!!! It’s not because I wasn’t busy enough, or not reading the Bible enough, or because the other person is just so attractive!! When I succumb to the desires of the Flesh, it’s because I feel sorry for myself, or I don’t rely on the strength of the Spirit, or I think I’ve been good enough for a long time, or I just want to feel good and escape the fight of faith for a while.

    To be truthful…I’ve sexually sinned 30 minutes after Church, 10 minutes after reading the Bible, an hour after Bible study, BUT WHY…..because I am focused on ME and not GOD!!!

    So, all of us need to get on our knees BEFORE the “flesh desire” rears its sinful-temtping head, because it’s obvious that we feel guilty afterwards, but yet we don’t really do much beforehand….

    Also, knowing that the other person loves YOU enough to wait till YOUR married is a HUGE foundation of trust in each other and most importantly with your relationship with GOD as one.

    P.S. I am getting on my knees right after I submit this.

    GOD BLESS

  19. J.S

    Bry,

    You SAID it right,

    “Walk in the Spirit, and YOU WILL NOT gratify the desires of the sinful nature.” Gal 5:16

    Yet easier said than done. Bry he or she got it so right, it’s all about your focus, sinful lust is focused on self fullfillment while godly love is focused on how you can please Him, and you can only please Him when you walk in the Spirit.

    Keeping yourself pure…

    “In view of God’s mercy . . . offer your body as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God – this is your spiritual act of worship.” Romans 12:1

    …is actually TRUE WORSHIP! View it as such, don’t see temptation as a painful time when you must deny yourself of carnal fullfillment, view temptation as an opportunity to love and worship God, and so with joy offer yourself to God and rejoice because you have been given the priviledge to honor him with your body, mind and heart.

    “”If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him.”
    John 14:15-21

    You are all children of God through faith in Jesus Christ, you have been born of the Spirit, you are a New Creation, you have God on the inside living in you and you live in Him, you are His temple, His house, your spirit has union with His Spirit, walk pure so that you can keep in step with Him, not just sexually but in every area, God has great plans for us, don’t allow yourself to be cheated out of his perfect will.

    BUT if you stumble RETURN to Him immidiately, HE LOVES YOU SO MUCH, YOU HAVE NO IDEA, IF YOU COULD ONLY SEE, if you mess up HE DOESN’T HATE YOU, just keep trying, check your heart, we all stumble, we all feel like the worst of sinners BUT WHERE THERE IS SIN GOD’S GRACE SUPER-ABOUNDS. Grace to cover you, grace to heal you and grace to give you strength to resist temptation and it all starts by changing the way you think about these things and by believing that you do have the power to conquer all things.

  20. I am proud to be a Christian but struggle with this as well. My biggest issue is that I am totally disabled and have been for a few years. I have fully accepted the Lord but have trouble reading the Bible I’d like to hear Scripture instead and simply don’t have many Christian influences around me. Here is the truth: and I hate to say this even anonymously… I used to absolutely love sex with my ex-wife and I masturbated very much excessively as a young kid teenager and early adulthood. I was only with a couple women before a horrible accident took away my ability to ejaculate. Now I struggle with a few sexual thoughts and behavior, sometimes it actually feels like I’m going crazy and I pray that God understands. I just wish we could ejaculate one last time for the experience. Pretty hard to explain and very embarrassing, but I love God and confess this in the name of Jesus. Thank you and I hope you understand

  21. Seeking an answer

    Hello, I have been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. We havent had sex and plan on waiting until marriage, but we still sin in other ways. It is just so hard having been together for 5 years and saying no to those feelings. I recently have been getting these werid feelings about if I should be with him or not. I don’t know if they are from God and I am afriad to ignore them. It is just every time I get them they make me feel so depressed and afraid. I really love my boyfriend and don;t want to end it. but I don’t konw how else to get rid of the feelings. Is it God? Is there a way to save this relationship and still stay pure. We are both christians very much in love, he just wants to wait until after college to get married. I am afraid I stay out of temptation that long. Help? Advice?

  22. jacob

    Hi. Me and my girlfriend are at 2nd base. I don’t want to be at second base.. I want to go back to normal kissing. I need an accountability buddy that will stick with me until we are ready to get married. I want an accountability buddy that will not rebuke me like their better than me. I do not do the good thing I want to do, but I do the wrong thing that I do not want to do-Romans 7:19. You deserve to go to hell too, so don’t come at me judging me. Just help me. I have asked for help before online and the guy stopped emailing me or caring. I want someone that will be my friend for 2 years

  23. Grace

    So I just stumbled across this site…quite thankful I did. I am a Christian I cant even say I fell in to sexual sin I knowingly walked right into it. I went through a period of rebellion and got into a none committed sexual relationship with a friend. After almost a year I couldn’t stand my life without Jesus anymore and I wanted all my mess ups to go away. I went and confided in a friend and my pastors wife. Then going on their advice I went to talked to the ex who was my very dear friend and told her. My name and sin got spread around my church. I loved my church it was home and safe and now a year later, I am still struggling with the sexual relationship, and because of the shame of what I did being spread around my church I can’t stomach to go. I feel defeated before I even get out of the gate. I know God can give me strength to get this relationship out of my life but I feel so alone and I am so afraid to talk to anyone now because of what happened when I did. I feel blind sided, chewed up and spit out and I dont know where to turn.

  24. Long-term struggle

    Hey, I’ve been struggling with sexuality issues since I was at least 10. I know people think that that’s crap, but whether I was just an early bloomer or what idk, I just know that’s the way I am. While I’ve never had sex, masturbation is a big issue for me. I discovered it at a very young age, like I said, and at the time I wasn’t exactly sure what it was or if it was wrong. I just knew I felt a little weird after, and as time went on I started feeling more and more guilty. However, I’m a very sexual person, and even though I’ve been trying to stop and have been successful in decreasing, SIGNIFICANTLY, the frequency I masturbate, I’ve not succeeded in fully stopping. I know it’s wrong, and I know I want to quit, it’s just that every now and again it’s like the desire to overwhelms me and I can’t fight it very well. I only recently told a counselor about this, but idk if once-a-week sessions will be enough. I feel like I need accountability somewhere, but I’m too embarrassed to tell anyone, and I don’t really have a mentor to help me with it. I’m in my early 20’s now, so this is really a set behavior and has been very hard to break. Any advice? Please don’t just tell me it’s wrong or chuck scripture at me, I already am fully aware of that fact…or I wouldn’t be trying to quit. Thanks!

  25. simon

    Hi,
    I hope someone can help me. I was introduced to “that stuff” at a very early age and have been struggling with for a long time. Sometimes I am able to stop for a while but it eventually comes back and I struggle again. I am early 20’s and ive had 5 accountability partners all of which have failed to keep me axcountable. Now I can’t blame sin on them but how can I come back a second time and ask for accountability again. I just started a paid position at my church and am really struggling at the moment. Please someone help me, I am in tears and can’t stand it anymore. Sometimes I just wish Jesus would take me away from all this struggle. Sometimes I wish I could end my struggle myself. Please someone help me, I don’t know what to do anymore. Someone please help me!

  26. nishka

    i wasnt always a christian, and i did some ungody activities before. nevertheless i overlooked that asked God for forgiveness and forgive myself. its now been 6 months since am saved. And its been a HARD JOURNEY. recently i find myself doing the things i used to do before i got saved, and its heart breaking cause i know its unfair to God. And i know it is of no good to me yet still i continue, i want to stop but its hard to… I haven’t been to church in 4 weeks cause i have been walking with these guilts… i am happy for this blog, seeing God’s people reaching out to one another. PLEASE REMEMBER ME IN YOUR PRAYERS AS I REMEMBER YOU IN MINE… GOD BLESS YOU ALL

  27. mary

    i am 42 years old and single. i desire to lead a good life. i have many friends but i have no trust in them. i am cheated by them.
    i have no one to share my feelings. afraid to say. i am finding difficult to overcome my sexual feelings. i need your concern to overcome my feelings.

  28. I have prayed for all of you to find peace. Jesus does not condem you. Romans 8. So stop feeling Guilt and Shame!!! Because Grace is how we live: not by works of the flesh. which masterbation is it is natural and differs with individuals. It is a part of living in our temple; we were given this desire by God. Even Peter had to be Forgiven 3 times and He Abandoned Jesus in his greatest time of need. Yes we feel alone. But we are never truly alone.
    Remember When God forgives HE remembers it no more. Your past is gone. Yes you are living a new life but in the same body and with the same mind set you have always had . Coming to Jesus /God is to be renewed by your mind transforming. This takes time, even when you fall back to old habits God is helping you. But only if you forgive your self and keep trying to do better each day, each hour, each minute of the present day you have because God is in your Present not your past and he knows when you will be free of your problems . You do not know the future but you know who holds it. His eye is on the sparrow is a good hymn to listen to.
    Using the bible verse In My Weakness Christ is Strong helps when the pressure is greatest. To know that your weak, poorly displined, and evil self can be overcome by Jesus and He uses it to fight evil.
    May His Grace be with you,
    Paul suffered as we suffer with a sin/thorn that God did not remove. So if God askes you to live with it he gives you permission to have it (addition to anything, physical and mental limitations) Becaues IN OUR WEAKNESS!!!!! Jesus is STRONG!!!!!.
    The truth is religion made a mountian out af a mole hill in their theoligical crap. so use the faith of amustard seed trust in God not how you feel know he understands. Jesus lived as a man.

  29. Hello to everyone!
    My name is Jules and I am a born-again Christian, I saw Simon and ‘struggle’ s comments and i wanted to let you guys know that If you wanna chat to someone going through a similar thing let me know! I would be glad to pass on my email details and we can pray for each other and encourage each other in the everyday struggles. To Simon, I know how you feel, I find it even harder been a girl, usually girls arent percieved in that way and it’s a daily struggle, failed yesterday but today will try to be strong!
    Gomme a shout whenever.
    God bless.
    x

  30. sharon

    Im so pleased to come across this site. I have had many sexual partner, im 26 now and want to do the right thing.
    I have sex to feel wanted and loved. People look at me as innocent and some of my close friends are surprised at my behavior.
    All ive ever wated is to meet the right one, fall in love and get married. I fell in love with a christian guy for three years and we nearly got married but couldnt because he lived so far away.
    That hurt me, and now i try to find someone, but am getting ti so wrong. I try to be good and not engage in sexual activity, but land up giving in to tempatation.
    The worst thing is, i said sorry to God four weeks ago and promised him I wouldnt sin again and then these guys wanted to meet me out the blue and i broke my promise. ive never felt guilt like this before, especially breaking thepromise. I almost give up on myself, I will ask for is forgiveness again but dont know what to do. I like the verse where it talks about stying clsoe to everything lovely, and good, i know we have to be in this world but maybe limiting my exposure to film, music that make you have impure thoughts will help me. Please help!!

  31. TSR

    I feel so horrible, shameful, guilty. A few years back I was in a “weekend fling” with someone, it lasted maybe 3 weeks. He called one day and said he went to his Dr. and was told he had a STD, And he wanted me to see my Dr. to be sure I am ok. I will say it was considerate of him to call and tell me. I went to my Dr and got a checkup, I did not have a STD, I was fine. I thank God. and from then on, I stopped the fling and told my self no more, God’s Grace was with me and promised I would act on sexual impurity anymore. Well, very recently I was hanging out with someone I met. Said no in begining, sometime later after not talking in a while, we met up, and I knowingly stepped into sexual sin. Afterwards, I went home and even now I feel so shameful, guilty, awful, and fearful, I know God forgives and will never leave us, but I feel alone, and would he forgive me? I also am afraid this will affect my family, loveones, will my sin hurt them too and will they be punish? physically, mentally? I just feel I cant face God, Thank you for this site I hope someone can help me. Help us all who are struggling with same issues.

  32. Warren

    Dearest helpful Christian brothers and sisters,

    I am taking the first step by willingly using my name here so that I would not turn back to sin. Ever since I gave into curiousity 2 years back by accessing a pornography website, I have been hooked onto masturbation. I have recently turned from Buddhism to Christianity and realise how much this hurts God. I want to be an honour to God and not abuse earthly pleasures, but I always find myself lacking the willpower to do so. I have prayed the sinners prayer, prayed for forgiveness and tried other ways to stop myself from falling back into the pit, but I always find myself giving in. I have no idea what to do! Please help me!

    Utmost Regards,
    Warren

  33. Not alone

    I am so thankful God brought me to this site. I thought I was all alone in this struggle for sexual purity. I can relate and have felt exactly the same way many of you have. Jesus saved me 3 yrs ago from my old life and gave me new life in Him, but I have fallen into sexual sin time after time. I have asked for forgiveness and do ok for a little while and then before you know it , I have fallen again. Last night I was planning to go see a guy that I am seeing with no intentions to have sex, infact I was praying before I went that the Lord would keep me strong and I was thinking of scriptures in my mind… Flee sexual imorality… the only thing is even though all of this… I did not flee, we had sex and the sad thing is the whole time Im thinking this is wrong, we should stop, God is seeing this right now and I didnt. Everytime this has happened I feel defeated, like how could God still love me, I feel filthy and disgusting. I sense my heart hardening and feel that I can not even ask for forgiveness, that Gods mercy has ran out for me. I look back and see that before giving into having sex God has provided me with chances to escape (there is a vs in the bible about that with evey temtation God will provide a way of escape) but I knowingly ignored those chances, and then I feel even worse, and I should! When I woke up this morning I felt emotionless and numb to my sin. I felt so alone, I know I am sinning against God and I need Him! I need Help! So I googled because I needed to know I wasnt the only one stuggling with this. I came acoss this site and tears streamed down my face as I read each comment, I can honestly say the Lord used each persons stuggle to bring me to my knees and confess my sin and ask God for forgiveness….. AGAIN. I also read a comment about confessing your sin to others so they can pray for you and you can be healed. To anyone who reads this I desparately need you to lift me up in your prayers! As I feel I can not even share this with my own family or my church family. It has been a terrible secret and a heavy burden. Thankyou to my brothers and sisters in Christ who understand and have given me words that I needed to read and words of encouragement. So Im leaving this vs: Romans 8:38-39 And I am convinced that NOTHING can ever separate us from God’s Love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today, nor our worries about tomorrow- NOT EVEN THE POWERS OF HELL CAN SEPARATE US FROM GOD’s LOVE. No power in the sky above or the earth below-indeed nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God which is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

  34. Richard C. August

    First of all, I am sick and tired of reading about and hearing about all these Christian dating sites, as well as church and para-church ministries pushing for marriage, family, and children.

    Does anyone not read Matthew 19, where Jesus Christ says that some men are born eunuchs, some are made eunuchs at the hands of men, and some become eunuchs for the sake of the Kingdom of God?

    What about those of us Christians whom, for whatever reason, can not marry or date or maintain a romantic relationship? Is your only response that you will pray for us? Where are effective ministries for single Christians who cannot effect a dating or romantic relationship? Why are so many singles ministries plugged up with people who are so undesirable that the singles ministry is their only family outside of blood relatives? WHERE IS THE SUPPORT OF CHRISTIANS WHO SAY WE HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF HAVING MARRIAGE AND DATING AND FAMILY SHOVED DOWN OUR THROATS, ONLY TO HAVE THOSE WHO CANNOT MARRY TREATED LIKE PIECES OF FLOTSAM?

  35. Caris

    prayer or faith without action is dead. I’m strugglin with dis sin too but i knw keepin myself occupied with oda things of interest can really help (it’s helpin me). Find good n motivatn frends you can spend quality time wit, develop new hoppies, find things dat make you happy like shoppin, dressin up, bakin, cookin or host of others. Find out you talent and gifts n be the best in smtin. idleness most times lure us to sin. task ur brain….dnt let sin be d only tin dat gives u pleasure

  36. Eko

    Im strugglin wit de same sin and i feel guilty anytym i commit it…but the problem is i cant help myself…i feel so cheap and think God aint gon forgive me nomore…i cant talk to anyone even my boyfriend..im tired of fornicating and i reali need help

  37. Terri

    You people think you got it bad, ha! I’m a sssssinner saved by grace. I was a dealer in the MS casinos for 13 years, I’m a homosexual, I was a drunk for most of my life, experimented with drugs, smoked, cheated on my partner, stole, lied, took peoples money for fun, exploited their fears and pretended I cared about them, negative, hateful, cynical, rebellious against any form of authority, especially cops. But I gave my heart to Jesus when I was very young and deep inside in the midst of my sinful life I knew I had a calling and it wouldn’t leave me alone, it nagged at me and convicted me continually until I could no longer drown it out. Thank God he has delivered me from my sin and given me a whole new existance. I still have to keep my eyes on Jesus though because Satan is out there just waiting on a chance to drag me back down to hell. It is a fight people but with God we are more than conquerors. Don’t let the lies of Satan defeat you again, rebuke him anytime he trys to tell you its too late, or you’re too bad or not good enough, if its a feeling of condemnation its from Satan, not God, rebuke it out loud so the devil can hear you. don’t fear him, he is already defeated thanks to what Jesus did at the cross. And after you rebuke him out loud, repeat this scripture out loud, God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 With love to all my brothers and sisters in Christ.

  38. Mario

    hey well I’m Mario and I’m just lost one second I;m on a spiritual high the next I’m having sex and i feel so wrong and broken every time,but i keep falling into sin!Sometimes i wonder if I’m even saved….it just brings so much hurt and i pray and i pray but i cant change.

  39. Freedom

    Please help me in prayer.i find it difficult to stop masturbation

  40. janet

    I am a christian but since 9 years ago I fell into sin a lot of times watching ponography and masturbating. I experience impure thoughts like an addiction, whan wautching pornography and masturbating

    Sometimes I feel selfish and want so bad to break from sexual immorality. but had a little relapse with my hormones raging again. I had an impure thought and got turned on. When I stopped for 1 minute I began to cry soooooo hard cause I felt God’s voice in my head saying “Janet why are you doing this? Please fight this I love you.”

    Jesus suffered enough for us on the cross and the blood that he shed on the cross paid our debt. So I want to bless everyone who is struggling with sexually impure thoughts right now. My prayers are with you and the lost. Amen.

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