Please help me out friends . What should i do.
I’ll pray for all of you out there and i also request you’ll to pray for me.

I’m a 25 year old christian lady and work at the Limpopo province, but i’m originally from the Eastern Cape and my family still stays there. When i was 12 years old, growing in the eastern Cape, my parents were poor and we stayed with my grandmother who was a teacher and teached at a farm far away from the main town. To go to the best multiracial school, i had to go and stay with my gradmothers family friend and her family in the city when i turned 12 years old as our family would be able to move to the city the following year. The family friends’family comprised of her son and daughter. I became part of the family and they loved me dearly. the son was slightly 7 years older than me, We were always like brother and sister until he had to go to varsity-the same year i was to join my family- that is when i realised that i had a crush on the guy. Our families drew very close friendships with each other over the years, as we went to the same church and were very commited to the church. As i was younger and very devout to the Lord (virgin), the guy would make comments about how he’ll marry me one day and would make these same comments jokingly to other people in the church and my family would regard it as a joke. I would be very firm and would at times rebuke him for his words, telling him that christian brothers ought not to joke about such sensitive subjects. As i grew older however and even lived miles away from our city of origin, my mind started to entertain the idea slightly, but i would obviously rebuke it. On his side the guy would asks for my number from my family, but they would not give it to him when i was at varsity, as at this time, there were romours of him living a double christian life. I took this as a mere temptation as i was very young then. Years down the line i get to turn 22 and guess who i meet in when i go for holidays at my home town!. The same feelings of old come up, and i am very happy to see him. He doesn’t call for three months after i give him my number. Not even having him on my mind during the three month period i pray to God to bring someone to me to marry, and vuala- guest who invites me on facebook as a friend and asks me to date him after two weeks. Since i was in prayer at the time, i tell him that he will have to wait as i ask for the Lords direction. A month into praying, i had received no response from the Lord, and the guy was pesterng me for an answer already. I asked him for a further 2 weeks in which i heard a voice,, it was very very loud in my hear and sounding angry, and it said “don’t date…..(name withheld), the voice made me wonder why it was so loud though- because isn’t supposed to be soft when he speaks to us. I prayed earnestly to God and randomly opened the bible to the book of Esther where Esther received favour and married the king. With this word, i regarded it as confirmation, but was still unsure. At my church there was a rule of “no dating” at the time and this guy wanted us to date, so i told him that we would have to get married and not date first- he didn’t like the sound of that, and i wanted to go according to my church rules. After i had refused to date him,- that night i was heart broken, and woke up the next morning and agreed to date him. I fell deeply in love with him and at that time was not so strong in the Lord, and neither was he, so we commited fornication. We live provinces apart and i would only see him when i am well off financially to travel. although i repented after we had sinned and i had told him that we must never do that again, he would keep trying to underestimate the notion of purity although he is a christian- and we had set boundaries at the beginning, but now he wanted to go all the way out of the chrstian life. Living in seperate provinces, i returned 6 months later and he confessed to me to having had numerous fornication partners while i was away, because i wanted to live in purity, he could not control himself- now i can forgive, but how do you get over the shame of knowing that you were one of the people that once fornicated with him, that people thought the two of you would be married one day, still feel hurt and care about the person, and still feel like you can’t face them for the horibble person they have turned out to be. Like how does a person- especially who was once a christian, family friend and that you developed feelings for over many years do something like this. When this happens you literaly feel like wiping yourself off the face of the earth. But truth be told, God is faithfull- I am planning to keep my distance, even telephonically from this guy now, but the pain is unbearable, please pray for me.

I have tried disability singles sites to find too many non-disabled people in the mix and the search filters to be limited in scope.

Also some dating sites limit your geographical search area to a certain distance within your zip code. Hey, I am in a rural area, with limited population, I need to expand further out.

And last but definitely not least I find there are not many men truly committed to God or who even understand the teachings of Christ.

I am tired of ads that read in essence

“She must have a lovely figure, be attractive, very active, like and do exactly as I like, and not have any separate interests or life of her own.”

When I see someone claim to be Christian and they are in their 40′s and wanting to meet a woman in her 20′s, that is a red flag.

Or they want you to start a family right when you are going into menopause…hello ?

Anyway, the singles sites are frustrating.

You cannot condemn someone who is struggling to quit a life long habit. Pray that the mercies of God will be new every morning upon all those struggling with it. I wish there was a way out but I know better