Masturbation and Christian Singles
Let’s talk about the M word and Christian singles. Male masturbation. Female masturbation. Adolescent masturbation. Chronic masturbation. Is it a sin to masturbate? Are you feeling uncomfortable yet? Most churches apparently are because they avoid the masturbation topic as well as Osama bin Laden evades captivity. This is a little ironic, to say the least, when survey after survey reveals a majority of single Christians of all different ages (guys and gals) have masturbated.
As a Christian single, just what are your feelings about masturbation? Are you a masturbator? Do you struggle with your Christian Lifestyle because you feel it is morally wrong? Do you live in guilt and confusion over the whole issue?
Personally, I can’t stand it when Christian teachers are so dogmatic on the “rights” and “wrongs” of masturbatory activities because it’s such a complex issue, with many different contingencies connected to the practice. So I’ll try to leave my preaching in the pulpit as I share from my heart some observations and Scriptures to help guide you through this sensitive issue.
Masturbation Observations
- The Bible is silent on the issue of masturbation even though the vast majority of humankind is preoccupied with it.
- The Roman Catholic Church, some Protestant denominations and even Webster’s Dictionary have attempted to equate the sin of Onan (Genesis 38:6-10) with masturbation, but a simple exegesis of these passages precludes this possibility. You see, under Jewish law, a person was required to procreate with his brother’s widow. When Onan refused out of selfishness, the Lord killed him. The bottom line here? God did not whack Onan for whacking off, but rather for “spilling his seed” by ejaculating outside of his dead brother’s wife during sexual intercourse.
- Many Christian singles and not a few Christian pastors feel masturbation to orgasm is acceptable in order to: 1) relieve unabated sexual tension, and/or 2) to avoid sexual immorality. The catch is that there should be no lustful thoughts connected to the act.
- The vast majority of single Christians feel that compulsive masturbation, simply for the purpose of self gratification, is always wrong. Most would also agree that habitual masturbation while single will make it harder for any future spouse to please them sexually.
Notwithstanding the above points, let the following paraphrased verses guide you as you pray and seek the Lord over whether masturbating should have any room in your life as a single person:
- Matthew 5:28- Looking lustily at a woman (or a man if you’re a woman) means you are commiting adultery in your heart.
- 1 Corinthians 6:12- All things are lawful for you, but not all things are profitable.
- 1Corinthians 6:19,20- Your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and so you should glorify God with it.
- 1 Thessalonians 4:4,5- You should learn to control your body in a holy and honourable way, not in passionate lust like the heathens.
- 2 Peter 2:19- You are a slave to whatever has mastered you.
- James 4:17- If you know you should do something, but fail to do it, it’s sin.
Finally, if you are a Christian who is really beating yourself up over the issue of masturbation, or are struggling with sexual impurity, remember that Jesus offers forgiveness (1 John 1:9) you and loves you where you are. Also consider the words of James Dobson of Focus on the Family:
“It is my opinion that masturbation is not much of an issue with God. It does not cause disease. It does not produce babies, and Jesus did not mention it in the Bible. I’m not telling you to masturbate, and I hope you won’t feel the need for it. But if you do, it is my opinion that you should not struggle with guilt over it.”
[…] Masturbation and Christian Singles Christian Singles and Sexual Impurity Sex as Intimate Communication […]
[…] Many single Christians lack self control in their sex lives. Not a few have written us asking for help with their lack of self control in this area, and how to deal with the guilt over it. The top culprits of habitual masturbation, porn addiction and sex before marriage has disrupted their fellowship with the Lord. […]
pls can i know more about masturbation?
What if masturbating leads a person to later on become more unlikely to say no in a dating relationship? They’ve already “felt” something that they think is similar to the real thing and decide that they want to feel it for real. Aren’t it the little weeds that ruin a beautiful garden?
And doesn’t it mean that you are technically not really a virgin for the sake of marraige!? Isn’t that the point of abstinence! To save that beautiful possession for the marraige bed and the marraige bed only!?
Take it from someone who knows…the guilt IS there. I’m not perfect and I have committed acts of masturbation in the past. And afterwards I felt completely guilty…the same way I would if I had lied…and lying is a sin is it not? I felt like God was displeased! And that’s a horrible and dangerous feeling.
Read Psalm 101 if you need further help. David said that he would be careful to lead a blameless life and reject perverse ideas. Sex outside of marriage is perverse so the very idea of sex with self should be just as perverse I think.
I’m not trying to condemn. I’m just seriously trying to make sense of why masturbation wouldn’t be considered a type of sexual sin??
The bad thing about masturbation is that an orgasm was meant to be shared in marriage as a culmination of two people coming together(no pun intended)and masturbation actually twists that by isolating a person sexually. And as far as masturbating without thinking lustful thoughts–good luck!
I am glad that I found this website that deals with the whole area of masturbation and Christian singles. I thank the author that understands Christian singles’ struggles as a single but yet have to cope with the natural biological sexual desire feelings that will come every month especially after menstrual period or when you are relaxed (which sexual desire is given by God to us human beings), that masturbation seems to be one effective way to relieve unabated sexual tension.
thanks so much!
ugh, I just wish I could have all of my hormones AND sexual organs removed. then I would just go to work and church, spend my money on bare necessities and give every cent that’s left to the church, then die and go to heaven.
For the past fifteen years of marriage I never thought of masturbation. Its now almost two years since I,m started practicing again without the knowledge of my wife. Of course sometimes my wife refuse to have sexual intercourse that leads me to practiced it more frequently. And also I’m finding pleasure in masturbation. Is it okay to continue, I need your advise please.
(Please don’t publish name email etc.)
I love to masturbate! I do it almost everyday. The problem is, it is almost like an addiction. I wonder if I should stop. Also, I wonder if it makes one gay. I would very much appreciate any insight as to whether masturbation is bad, and if it can cause you to be gay.
About masturbation: I don’t think masturbation is bad as long as you do not commit adultery by it, don’t obsess over it, and don’t watch porn. Porn is bad.
Umm, too confused: No, masturbation cannot make you gay. There is absolutely no evidence of a connection between the two, and probably never will be. I encourage you to look at the medical community’s standpoint on this issue as well; you can get information from the anatomical standpoint as well as the spiritual.
IMO, what makes a sin a sin? how about masturbation?
What’s the difference between habitually and once in a blue moon masturbation?
I believe the root cause of masturbation is due to the lack of faith as well as allowing the mind to idle and thus become perverse in thoughts then leads to masturbation.
Even for my unbelieving friends, they confessed that when they are busy with purposes to fulfill, job objectives to meet, they will not think the least of masturbation or anything about sex.
The fact that naturally we have all these hormones doesn’t negate masturbation from becoming not a sin. *aren’t we born naturally in sin? read Psalm 51 “in sin did my mother conceive me”
Although in the bible, there isn’t any explicit Thus saith the LORD with regards to the issue of masturbation. consider the case of if this act being revealed publicly, will it bring shame to Jesus Christ or will it glorify him? more of the shame than glory. Which is why i cannot accept the fact that it isn’t any less than a sin.
regarding masturbation: Christians can be very contradictory.
Sex is not a sin, but don’t think on sex.
And yes i’m a christian.
PD: sorry for the english, i dont’t speak english.
PD2: Jami: You see guilt when some one tells you there is guilt. It’s the FIRST time in +8 years of being Christian i hear about this, never in my life have i felt guilty about masturbation, but now i have doubt about masturbation and masturbating
The Bible does not help me here.
Try to be asexual? it’s impossible, hormones, desire, lust (in some ways) is there. The problem begins when you lose respect for other persons and for yourself.
masturbation in my opinion is a very tricky issue because there is a thin line between right and wrong and so you need the holy spirit to minister unto you so you know when your right and when your wrong .i believe that if you feel the urge to masturbate do so if you know you are going to fall into further sin .Do not look at porn and then go and masturbate that simply means you are submitting to porn and God says we are over comers we are not honouring God with our eyes . GOOD LUCK GUYS I NEEDED HELP ALSO
I have struggled with masturbation for many years. My view is I don`t believe God wants us to greatly suppress the yearnings he has instilled in us. And masturbation is a way of release without giving into the burnings over someone and then winding up getting married to the wrong person, or worse yet compromising our values, self respect.
That’s why I have come to the conclusion that masturbation is OK as long as it does not become a habit and, (this being the hardest part) if you can (excuse the pun) pull it off without lustful thoughts. I don`t think we can and therefore, to me the lustful thoughts make masterbation a SIN. “FORGIVE MY LORD A SINNER”!
so how exactly could one go about even getting errect without a lustfull thought???
I am a 25 year old single girl who is following Christ. I have practiced masturbation since high school and have struggled with lust and sexual fantasies since early puppetry around age 9. I was raised in a solid Christian home with a near perfect childhood. There is nothing negative in my past or family history that explains why I was (and still am) so sexually aware or even somewhat obsessed. Absolutely no one knows that I struggle so much with this issue. Sometimes I get frustrated and wonder why God allows me to have such pent up sexual tension when He has given me no outlet (marriage) to expend that energy and passion. I do have mixed feelings about the whole subject, but I try not to beat myself up with guilt about it. It’s really hard to be single and guard your purity today. I’m not advising masturbation at all and I wish it was not in my life.
The biggest problem I have is in the fact that the more I masturbate the greater my sexual appetite seems to grow. Recently, I found myself in a relationship that was based primarily on chemistry. Though I did not have actual intercourse with him, we did stimulate each other to orgasm and shared in mutual masturbation. I blame my vast experience with masturbating for why I fell so quickly. I knew what to do to pleasure myself and him. Sadly, I admit that I was tired of always being a “good girl” and I wanted to prove to myself that I could be sexy. By technical standards I guess you would say I’m still a virgin, but by God’s standards I have sinned. I now regret every minute I spent in my ex’s bed. I broke off the relationship and repented. God has restored my spirit and renewed my purity, yet there are still consequences to my sin and memories I can’t seem to erase…. My advice to anyone reading this is simply to do whatever you can to get control over this whole issue before it’s leads you too far down a very slippery slope. I pray Christ will give us all the strength to overcome the sin in each of our lives. God bless
wow in regard to masturbation, this is what i call being real guys. there is no greater way to dealing with an issue than talking about it and admitting its an issue.
truelly for most christians the “M” word is taboo. but i know we all have problems with it that why God’s grace is sufficient enough to save us all . And His love abounds forever.
Christ faced all the possible temptations any man could have faced and He overcame. to show us all that it is possible. and i know if any of us want to give up this act becuase it cost us. then we can do it. the holy spirit is our freind and present help. and all of us will have a testimony to share that will change peoples perceptions and views on this Topic.
WE ARE MORE THAN CONQUERORS……
In regard to masturbation, this was so awesome to see so many people discussing this Taboo issue of masturbation. I am in the ministry a single 37 year old never been married man and i struggle with this issue. Masturbation brings me guilt and condemnation but I repent and i know that there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. Wow. this is very difficult but I know that the lord has a great wife in store for me and I have to trust and hold on. I don’t know many men, married or single who do not masturbate. We talk about it and we pray for one another. God is so much greater than this and i know that he will help us overcome. In the mean time. I will not guilt myself to death but go boldly to the throne of grace to ask for his forgiveness if by chance i mess up. We cannot allow Satan to have a foothold in our lives by !) getting us to masturbate and 2) making us feel like crap after we fall on or face. I am learning more and more that WE serve an awesome God. He will forgive us. we just have to ask amen. His love is unconditional.
Signed
a sinner who struggles too.
Hi
I am 29 going on 30, female,single and sexually frustrated to the point where i am going to pull my hair out. I can barely handle it. Usually It would happen now and again, but I have suffered this month..terribly. I dont know how to ‘live’ with this. i wish I felt nothing instead of this torture.
I have read all of the above posts, and the message I am getting is that masturbation is something that we will continue to struggle with. I’m sure it is possible to overcome, but I have been struggling with it and am tired of feeling guilty. I keep asking God each night how many more times he weill forgive me before he turns his face away form me. I’m tird of masturbating and feeling guilty. Is it possible to stop overall, and for God to forgive me even a hundredth time?
Wow, there are so many people who struggle with masturbation - and yes, because of how I feel and what masturbation does to me emotionally and spiritually I think it is indeed a sin. There are plenty of other sins that are not faced head on in the bible, and so my thinking is it’s an obvious sin and its also not too big an issue for God to handle.
I want to relate to LP’s post above, same here, honey. I’m 26 and single and am waiting desperately for my husband! I’ve masturbated since being a very young child without really knowing what I was doing. My mum caught me masturbating a few times, and that was when I learnt it was ‘wrong’. I found it very hard to be ‘good’ with my boyfriends because of it, and found that in spite of their good intentions I would drive them crazy, even though I didn’t really understand what I was doing. I had sex with my last boyfriend. It was so easy because I felt just the same way when I masturbated and there’s always that feeling of ‘it’s so wrong, but it feels so good’.
I finished with him because I couldn’t live with myself. I realised I need God more than I need sex, and I can’t live even one day if God isn’t in my heart. But somehow, masturbating is still an issue with me. Sometimes I can go for weeks at a time not even thinking about it, but then other times it keeps me awake at night. I try to resist and hold onto God, but if I resist one night, it comes back again and again stronger and stronger every time until I give in. That is what tells me, personally, it is a sin. It is an evil that seems like will never let me go. I have to have faith and trust in the almighty power of the living God that his arm is around me - the same arm that flung stars into space holds me unconditionally close and tight. He is faithful, and we all are in His hand, He knows us everyone, how we struggle and fight this. We have to set our faces like flint and press into the truth that He saves us to the uttermost.
About masturbation, I’m a female, single, and 19 years old. I have never had a boyfriend, but ever since I became interested in boys during my first year of high school I realized that I was also very interested in sex and masturbation. I’m still a virgin, but struggle with a desire for sex daily. I was 14 when I started masturbating. I felt guilty about it, but when I tried to find it condemned in the Bible, there was no place where it was specifically mentioned. Its been a hard struggle for me not knowing whether masturbation was ok or not, yet I was always able to rationalize what I was doing. I want to live my life to please God and that becomes ever difficult when I allow anything else to be the master of me. Masturbation had become my other master I was unable to resist… or thought myself as such. However I believe what the bible says about not being able to serve two masters, and I’ve come to the conclusion that masturbation may not be a sin for all people, but for me it is. I liken myself to the man with a weaker faith in romans 14 although the situation is different. It is because know I will never be fully convinced in my mind that masturbation brings glory to God. I decided I must abstain from it to the Lord giving thanks to God. I failed in abstaining yesterday… but for the first time in a long time I was broken enough that I was able to tell my friend about my struggle against masturbation. She assured me that she thought no less of me for what I had done and still loved me and accepted me. I have realized that I let masturbation be a secret because of another sin: Pride. I didn’t want anyone to know because it would ruin their opinions of me. If anyone reading this is struggling with the issue of masturbation… you might want to see if it is causing you to sin in other areas of your life, such as pride or idolatry. It was for me, and one of the worst things about my situation is how isolated I’ve felt from friends and family… because I wouldn’t tell anyone. I may never feel able to tell my parents…. but I don’t want to keep it to myself anymore. 8/11/08