Sex Life of Christian Singles
John is a thirty-something Christian single whose sex life is a real mess! After just promising God through tears that he would clean up his sex life, and not have sex again with his Christian girlfriend, he ended up in the sack this past Saturday night for the umpteenth time.
John is now depressed over his lack of sexual purity. He also knows his sex life is out of control, but doesn’t know where to turn. He is afraid others will judge him, and is embarrassed to discuss his sex life with a counselor. Worst of all, John feels God can’t forgive him of this sexual sin because it happens over and over again.
Does this story sound familiar to you? If I had a penny for every time I heard single women and single men sing the “sex life blues”, I’d be able to retire. Fact is, many single Christians walk around with guilt, depression and heaviness of heart due to sex life sins that so easily entangle them.
If you are one of the many people struggling (like myself) with temptations in your sex life, please know that our Lord has not abandoned you. There is no sin too great that he cannot forgive; no wound too deep that He cannot heal. Just go to Him humbly, and be honest about your sex life. Pour out your heart and Jesus will meet you where you are, and bring peace.
Verse Of The Day
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1John 1:9.
Quote Of The Day
There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that God will not forgive. You cannot “out-sin” His forgiveness. You cannot “out-sin” the love of God.
Kathy Troccoli
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Hi, I see this was written awhile ago but thank you!!!! I too struggle as a single Christian woman. And as much as I can talk to my girlfriends about it, I sometimes dont want to. I am so affraid of hurting their walk!! I have been a Christian much longer than most of my friends and I feel like God has put me in a role where I can lead them (along with Him). So to always admit these is hard for me, and then when I do, I feel AWEFUL! Sexual sin is such a huge issue in my life. I dont have a boyfriend but my childrens father comes in and out of the picture. He is not a Christian, so to him this is no biggie. But what kind of example am I to him when I give into the passions of my lust??? Its like a big mess that I keep promising God I wont EVER do agin, and yet…..even when I think I am the strongest, Satan takes me down. I hate feeling like this. I hate my continual failures. Unfortunatly this morning yet another episode occured. We didnt go all out but we did go to far!! I have confessed already and I know God forgives me…..its the after-shock, as I call it, of emotions that linger for so long. So why do I still give in? I just dont get it. Thanks for your blog, especially today.
In Him,
Gretchin
Dear Gretchin
Thank you for sharing from the heart. The Lord will honor your honesty about your sexual truggles. I wish all Christian could be as real.
And remember, He sees your heart\’s desire to follow and obey, and will give you the strength you need. You confessed your \”stuff\”, so don\’t let Satan beat you up further. You are forgiven and pure in His sight. Take cheer, and keep in touch.
Omigosh Gretchin, I am feeling just as you are! As a teen I was very much into the secular world.I would drink, have sex, treat myself like i was nothing but a sex object. when i was 18, i fell in love and for the first time had sex with someone because i loved them not because i wanted to be acceptable. I became pregnant and had a baby girl
My daughters father was out of our life for a long time, all through my pregnancy and my daughters first year of life. during that time i truly dedicated myself to God. It was a long process of coming to know Him but the final step was reading Malcolm Smith’s, The Power of The Blood Covenant and I was swept off my feet by the gospel. The holy spirit made His home in me and I could sense it each day. I lived for Him, I got baptised and I dedicated my days to Him..not doing works For Him to earn something but simply being obedient out of complete love for Him. i Just wanted to make Him smile. I was literally living in Heaven and it was wonderful. My daughters father came back into our life and after a few months we fell in love again. Well, I’m back where I was before to say the least. I’ve tried so hard to not have sex or be at all intimate but I have failed miserably on occasion. Where is God in those times? I’m feeling so far from Him, so ashamed, so embarrased to come before Him. I never imagined being in this place again. Tonight was my first night i read up on Singleness and Sex as a Christian. Its great to know there’s someone out there who feels like I do. This world is so sex oriented. My boyfriend is not a Christian and everytime i cry before him about what we have just done, he doesnt get it at all and I feel so embarrased and confused. His holy spirit dwells within me, i just don’t know how to submit at those moments. I am so dissapointed in myself, i just feel like life is so hard.
Brigitte
Dear Brigitte:
Thanks for your open heart sharing. My dear sister, we will be praying for your struggles, which are our struggles as well. May I humbly suggest that if you really want to live victoriously in this area of sex that you end your relationship with your non Christian boyfriend?
I just found this website. I just wanted to say that I am divorced, two failed marriages. Lately for a while now, I have been so lonely. I have been hurt a lot in the past, but at the same time-don’t want to close my heart to ever loving again. I personally have never slept around, but would never judge someone who is a christian who has. Take care those who are struggling with this.
Iam a divorced 33 year old christian and my whole life I have been having horrible feelings of guilt, as a tenager with masturbation, young adult fornication and after a sexless marriage I decided to stop longing and feeling guilty and live my sexual life normally for the first time. Normally for worldy standards. I am definitely not promiscuos, but I have been always had a very strong sexual drive. Now I am definitelly not interested in marriage. I dont think I will ever be, not just because of my own experience, but married life is not attractive for me at all. I have been praying and do not know what to do. I dont want to deprive myself of whatever should be normal in my life, as sex is. I am not going to get married JUST to have sex. Iam confused and my shame takes me away from God. I have been taught that if I have sex and i am not married, I wont be able to approach God, so having a boyfriend and regukar sex with him meand I am completely away form the Bible and from God. Am I looking for a loophole? A way to have God in my life and also guilt-free-sex? I dont want to life a sexless life or a Godless lif but the idea of marriage makes me lower my head and sight heavily. I need help.
Hi,
I have been a Christian since 1972 when i was single at the age of 20, Im now 56 and been divorced for 9 years and not remarried yet or ever for that matter.
I long for intimacy sexually and emotionally with a woman but i seem to be in a holding pattern of finding the elusive mate. I don’t sleep around but I masturbate off and on as any normal healthy man would.
I desire sex before marriage and may not want marriage because in the USA we have a divorce rate higher than all other countries, so we more than likely will be divorced again possibly.
The Christian perspective here is good, but the divorce rate is just as high in the Church as it is out there in the secular environment of life, so this tells me one: We as a people are not really listening to Gods Word and instruction on marriage, divorce or sexual matters as we think we are. So is being a Christian valid anymore?..this is where i am at ..I daily talk and pray with god, yet i feel a bit lost and disconnected most of the time from what God is actually doing in my life or not doing.
Do i feel guilty..yes..do i get depressed..yes, do I have fun..yes..do I ask God to bring a mate..yes.
Some what disillusioned by the christian walk.
Kevin
In regard to sex and Christian singles, if everyone would get back to the basics of what the Bible actually tells us is right and wrong, theses situations would not be nearly as hard as they are. We wouldn’t be faced with such difficult decisions. But lets face it, that is not how the world is anymore. If you are a true Christian and truly want to do what God wants you to do, you are going to get persecuted for it. I know it hurts.
I am a divorced mother of two, and after learning this from experience, just as many of you have, I have made a personal decision not to give in. If I stand for what is right, then God will take care of me. Look for a good Christian guy who has good Christian morals. He may be hard to find, but lowering your standards about sex, or thinking that you can “convert” your boyfriend is just going to bring you pain in the end. So hang in there, and remember when you get lonely in your search, how great it will be when you find someone who has the same convictions as you, and is right beside you in your walk with God.
Susan, Artemisia,Kevin and Melody:
Dear brothers and sisters, thanks so much for sharing your hearts freely on our site. The more Christian singles see how others are going through similar stuff, the more healing there will be. We are praying for each one of you, and please let us know how you are all doing.
David
http://oasis-church-nj.com/
This is the first time I’ve ever posted a comment on a blog. I feel like I’ve joined some secret society of shame or something…we all have our stories, sometimes it’s healing to hear them all, and sometimes I’d like to just become a hermit and never walk outside my door ever again. So yeah…sex…why doesn’t God care? Like so many other Christians, I wanted to save myself for marriage, and like so many others,I failed. I can remember reading all the Christian dating books like “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” and “Passion and Purity”. I would read them so fast and with so much energy, hoping to find help and strength but then when I finished them I would throw them angrily on the floor or accross the room, sobbing hysterically from pain and dispair, feeling like a second class Christian, that there was something wrong with me, that God hated me because I wanted to know what sex was like but didn’t want to disobey Him, but couldn’t trust Him or believe that He would ever bring that person into my life. Like so many others I fell by the wayside and couldn’t do it. I was depressed, suicidal. Finally I made a bargain with the devil it seemed and thought that if I could just release myself from the horrible longing it would buy me more time for redemption than damn me to hell by suicide. Thats how aweful it was.
I felt so relieved after I did it, and I didn’t even feel guilty like I thought I would, but that scared me to death. How could that be? And when the relationship didn’t work out, the pain was more aweful than anything I had ever experienced. I understand now why God didn’t want that for us.
My depression after the end of that relationship was worse than anything I ever felt before. I felt so dead and so numb inside, I was so far from God because of my bitterness and grief. I went on a rampage, dating and sleeping with anything and anyone who asked me. I felt nothing, it was so unbelievably empty and unsatisfying. It just made me even more dead on the inside.
I don’t know what to say to my brothers and sisters who struggle and fall along with me. Is my story worth anything? Will God ever come through for us with answers? Why do some people get to be married while others just suffer in bitterness and shame? Is there any hope for us? All I can say is, Greater is He that is in me, than He that is in the world. Our Lord has overcome the prince of the power of the air, and that includes the power of lust and immorality. He might bother us sometimes, but our Lord is stronger still, even stronger than lust. I truly believe that the power of lust can be broken once we understand that the power of lust and sorrow and bitterness work together, never alone. God does love us and care about us but the devil tells us otherwise. When we behold His awesome presence, we’ll look at lust and laugh at its puniness. Let’s help each other keep ourselves in the love of God! Let’s pray for each other. Our high priest knows our suffering and has overcome for us. Let’s not give up. The devil just exploits what God made to imobilize us so we can’t be or do anything that we were meant to be. Let’s just believe that God really does love us and will help us. God created us for sex to begin with. What would the devil do without God’s creation? He is just a master manipulater and a deceiver. That is all he will ever be. Amen.
How courageous to share your story. I do believe we need to be honest more and pray more for each other! I do know that’s not always the answer. Am struggling with a depression myself as I do not know if I can marry my boyfriend who is a divorced christian. No matter what others say: I need to find peace myself and that is what is so hard, as I can’t seem to come to peace with the fact that we need to stay close to what God says litterally in the bible, while He also forgives. As my boyfriends ex-wife is still free and a christian, it seems like they would need to reconsile, but after 12 years that seems impossible and not what my boyfriend wants ofcourse. He wants to move on and believes in Gods new chance for him. Why can I not believe that? I want to follow the line of the Kingdom, but isn’t that also freedom and joy?
I don’t want to ever give up believing, but need more of Gods spirit I guess to be strong in this and wise. Gotta make a decision soon as it doens’t help both of us. We don’t seem to be able to move on.
All of you singles need to wake up and realize that the problem is not your healthy, God given sex drive. The problem is, you have not followed God’s express will in getting married (and staying married) in a timely manner. John, if you want to have sex with your Christian girlfriend, why not marry her? She’s probably just waiting for you to ask. You have no right to treat her in the way you have. You are asking for the rights of husband without the responsibility.
Grow up and accept your role as husband, stop trying to repress your desires (well, maybe just long enough to get married, like a month or two!) I don’t understand why so many singles wait for years for “God’s Will” for their life, or maybe Ms. America or Mr. Universe to come into their life and be “the one.”
God said in the beginning “It is not good that man should be alone.”
Yes, I am married, and I love it, but I am hurting for a friend that is still single at 32, with no current male prospects in sight. I believe that there are not enough Christian men actively searching for a wife in the way God intended. Being single is easier, they must think.
For those singles that are having a tough time with purity, you might try a different, more chapperoned approach. Also, consider that it should take only a couple or a few months to know if you are dating someone that is a comparable marriage partner. If they are not, move on. If they are, ask for a committment. None of those 3 year engagements (what is that for?). Use wisdom and time to you advantage. Don’n ask for trouble.
I know you are struggling to find peace. Please know there is nothing wrong with the way God designed you. If you are “gifted” to be single, you will be happy with celabacy. If you are not content with that, you are called to marriage.
God bless