Unrequited Love
In my personal experience, unrequited love is like death, only worse. Unrequited love occurs when the person you absolutely are “head over heels” in love with does not reciprocate the same desire and feelings. Can you think of anything more emotionally and spiritually painful than unrequited love?
Unrequited Love and Hope for Healing
At least in death a Christian single is done with pain. In unrequited love the pain just goes on and on. Sigh. If it’s really true love, the victim of unrequited love has a long process of working through the rejection, heartbreak and depression. Many singles who have been hurt in this way in the past also have to overcome fears of entering any future dating relationship.
One of the main things that helped me heal from unrequited love was remembering my Saviour also suffered from a form of unrequited love when he gave Himself on the cross. That’s why he can sympathize and empathize with us in this area. Can you imagine the pain the bore for us?
Bible Verse of Day
-He was in the world, and though the world was made through him, the world did not recognize him. He came to that which was his own, but his own did not receive him- John 1:11
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I am going through this and it is extremely painful. It IS like dying and thanks for understanding about resenting the Bible being preached at you during times of intense distress.
After all, the Bible also applies to those other parties involved in this situation so how can I personalise it, in any way? Given they are happy and I am not, it seems the Bible applies even more so to them, as they are the ones who have experienced love, acceptance, fruition.
The complicating thing is that I thought he liked me and he gave me cause to believe he did with his conversation, body language and eye contact etc.
Dear Asha:
Thanks for your comment, and we are praying for the pain you are experiencing with unrequited love. I want to refer you to the life of Job. It looked bad in the outset…but God worked it out all for good in the end. Please hang on to Jesus during this trial…Keep in touch
David
I completely understand, I am going through it right now and some days, I’m ok and sometimes I am just so depressed about it. I am a young woman and I was raised to believe that if the man is interested in a woman, than HE’LL pursue her. Right?
Unrequited love does feel horrible. It feels like you’re dying. This has got to be one of the worst anybody can suffer. It feels worse than depression. Unfortunately, I’m going through it. When the object of your affection doesn’t feel the same way or doesn’t reciprocate your feelings it can tear you apart. I have never felt so miserable in my life. There are days when I feel fine but most of the time I feel intense sadness. It is so overwhelming. There are times when it seems I can’t function or I can’t go on. I remember when it was hard for me to concentrate at work and I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed. One day I felt so severely depressed I couldn’t even finish doing my hair and just went straight to bed. I realize it’s time for me to move on.
Unrequited love? I’m in this situation myself, she was one of my closest friends and it does hurt, and has for sometime now… but to equate this to the feelings of death or dying “only worse,” I think is, pardon my directness, ridiculous. If this is really how you feel, there might be some underlying issues and good, Christian counseling might be something to really consider.
The world is a pretty big place and people everywhere are really suffering, losing children and parents to sickness and disease, impoverished and just trying to survive, battling severe mental illnesses and being imprisoned simply for wanting to worship God, unrequited love to them would be a luxury of a problem…
Mike,
about unrequited love feelings, just because you don’t feel things as intensely as others does not mean that you are the correct standard and that others are wrong because they deviate from the way you react.
Different people and personality types differ greatly in the way they react to loss. For example, my mother committed suicide when I was five years old. Therefore, losses are harder for me than for many people. Yes, there are times I do feel like dying over my unrequited love. Because to me, a life without love is hardly worth living. It’s hard to keep going on doing things without a partner to share life with.
I am aware that others suffer greatly in other countries and here in the USA. However, that sometimes doesn’t help a lot when you live and work with mostly happily married people without those horrible circumstances!
I don’t think people’s feelings can be written off as “ridiculous”. To label them that way just adds to their pain. It’s like kicking a fellow soldier when they are down.
WHEN DOES IT STOP HURTING? WHEN WILL MY HEART REALIZE THAT IT’S TOO LATE FOR ANYTHING TO HAPPEN BETWEEN US? It’s been four years and I still can’t forget him. I try praying to turn my thoughts away from him and towards God, but it doesn’t work. I dream about him. As if it weren’t torturous enough for thoughts of him to invade my waking life, his effigy haunts my dreams.
Mark:
Unrequited love is experienced not only in singleness, but also in marriage. After 29 years of working at being a Christian husband who has tried to love his wife as Christ loves the Church I am still waiting for love to come back to me. There are many good and understandable reasons for my wife not being able to love, but my heart still hurts and longs for it. The way that I am working through it is to remember that I have turned wanting love into a god and that is idolatry. I trust God with the longing of my heart for genuine intimacy on every level and worship only Him. I will honor God with my life and my marriage whether or not I get what I need.
In to unrequited love, he said loved me with all his heart, he even said that i was his rib and getting married was a definite in our future…a year had pass and he got delivered by Christ, he called off the relationship, stating that his love for me is not the will of God..(i was crushed)..this situation also make me wanna worship God more in ways i never thought i could, im even considering baptism within this month…God gave me a revelation that he and I should make this relationship work as the Man of God and the Woman of God…every time i pray to God for me not to feel the way i do in this unrequited love of mine, he only made my feelings stronger and deeper for the guy, which is the reason why i feel that it is the will of God for us to be together again…SHOULD I CONTINUE TO FIGHT FOR HIS LOVE OR SHOULD I STOP? what do you think?
I am going through this now, and unfortunately not for the very first time. It’s like a broken carousel that never stops: it goes on and on and on, again and again and again it goes through the same cycle. This time it involves a girl who, I had earlier been told, ‘didn’t want to have a boyfriend yet’. But I should have learnt from experience what this meant. I had been in love with her for three years, through tears and pain that I often just had to swallow. Just yesterday I found out in perhaps among the most horrible way possible that she had just officially entered a relationship with another guy ON THAT DAY. I felt like I was a worm but also I was angry. I contacted my pastor/close friend and he asked a few of my other close friends to accompany me, for fear I might hurt myself. I really wished I could just die - yet again. I spent last night crying my eyes out and screaming like a lunatic. Many a word has been said to comfort and/or advise me. But still, the pain lingers and it gnaws at my heart, tearing it asunder and breaking it apart. With a sentence from her revealing that she now had a boyfriend, my world was turned upside down and shattered into pieces. God has a plan, my friend gently told me. I believe it, but I just can’t see through all this pain through to what plan He might have. Maybe my stupidity has spoiled his plan?
Unrequited love :-I am equally coping with this problem.. I have been bottling it up for a long time, drowning into much distress,probably the same as most of you here, maybe just a different scenario.
We have been friends for a few years, and I sincerely give my deepest thanks to the Lord for giving us that blessing to stay in touch as friends. Yet, it was undeniable that somehow, although we were friends, it felt as if the same secret affection towards each other was devouring us. No doubt, I felt as if we were secretly drawn to each other. It was very clear to me that he liked me alot, and I liked him very much too. But somehow, we refrained from confessing to each other. I don’t know if he ever saw the sincere likeness that I had for him that eventually flourished into love. Throughout the time we spent together, he somehow showed me that he liked being around me, hanging out with me and what not. Sad to say, I couldn’t help it one day, that I poured out what my heart had been witholding for so long. I did it out of frustration, and forgive me, anger, because he appeared to be shutting it to himself. I prayed to the Lord everyday, hoping that HE would give me an answer on whether or not he would feel the same way i did. He admitted to me that he only loved me as a friend and nothing else. It hurts to digest those words, yet his constant demand for me to be around with him when he is alone and bored, makes me wonder. He told me he doesn’t want to get into a relationship ( I accepted that), but his treatment towards me sends a different signal. Let’s just say that we are like friends for one moment, and for another moment, we are like lovers.
I am praying, and I think the best decision is that I stop seeing him . I believe God has a plan. I should stop seeing him shouldn’t I ? I find it hard to do, but yet it’s only going to invite more pain to myself. I pray that God will help me through this, help me, forget him, because I cannot.
My unrequited love has lasted nearly 10 years, and I often feel as though I cannot handle the torment anymore-if it had not been form my child, and believing that suicide leads to hell, I would have ended my life a long time ago. My child’s father has sent me on an abusive emotional roller-coaster since I met him, but I still love him as much as I did when we were together. But he is my heart, and I cant think past him. I haven’t seen him for 2 years now due to a raging dispute that has not been resolved despite prayer. For most of the 10 years I have prayed to God, and asked for my love for him to be taken away- but it just refines over time. I have tried hypnotherapy, family therapy, medication etc- no joy; Had deliverance prayers at church to remove the soul-tie, but nothing has a lasting effect on my passionate love for him. But soul ties from previous relationships in my past have been nullified in the spirit successfully with complete closure. He wont reply to our letters-gifts-pictures we send, but when I last saw him, his eyes were saying “I’m sorry”. My brother gave me a book of prayers last week (maybe a hint) and I realized that the only prayer I hadn’t prayed was a request for us to be re-united in love, and that he would come home. So I prayed that open lines of communication would be given to us, and that evil stones would be rolled away from our lives. I believe it has to be either option A) that we weren’t meant to be together and that prayers to remove the soul tie will eventually succeed, or B) that we were ordained to be together and a prayer said in love will bring forth fruit. Are there any other options/possibilities? I have repented of my sins, I believe God hears all prayers, feels the pain in my heart, and the ruminations in my mind every day about him. I would never again love any man more than God- that is the lesson I have learnt, and I would never fornicate again - he would have to marry me. Please pray for me, I think he loves me, I just don’t know, but its killing me slowly (emotionally & spiritually); When I had asked him if he loved me he said nothing, when I asked him to tell me he didn’t love me he also said nothing. I am not strong enough. I know many people who have several kids with different people, and pick up the pieces and move on with no major dent to their future love life. But that’s not me. I have been unable to let anyone else into my heart, as much as I have tried in the past; its now a waste of peoples time to get involved with anyone new. As my heart is full with him, and I have nothing to give anyone else- and I don’t want to hurt innocent persons while I am love sick with what appears to be unrequited love? How do I get on with my life? Have I ruined it?
Dear Mimi,
As one of the moderators here, I can feel your pain when I read your comment. It is one of this life’s most hurtful circumstances when we feel like the deep love we have for a person isn’t returned. I can understand how much you want to make this relationship work, especially since you have a child together.
You have been going through this for 10 years and it sounds like an emotional roller coaster. Maybe it is time to get off the ride? It is virtually impossible for people to change. Notice I said “virtually” They have to want to change but that still isn’t enough. Without God we are powerless. We can try on our own , we can be very sincere, but ultimately we are doomed to failure with the power we have in Jesus.
I don’t get the impression from your comment that your EX is Christian. You are doing the right thing by pouring your heart out to God. He hears you and wants to comfort you. I do not beleive you have a soul tie to this man. I believe that your heart is breaking and it feels that way. Pray to God for the strength. and wisdom He will give it to you. Sometimes He delivers us from the fire, and sometimes He delivers us through the fire. We may have to endure a pain, but we come out of the fire refined like silver or gold.
God has someone very special for you. As I write this the holy spirit just gave me that feeling. You need to be open to receive this blessing and not distracted with your old relationship. I will be praying for you.
God Bless,
Jodi
i am like crazy about this guy. hes a christian and so am i. were the same age and we were both homeschooled. hes very attractive and im ok too i guess lol but the only problem is that he doesnt even know i exist and when he came to my work and came to my register to check out a card i couldnt even remember the work envalope.. i feel lonely somtimes especialy since all of my friends are getting married and i just cant seem to find a christian young man. i dont know what to do. i guess its a true story of unrequited love
Hi
God is good. He leads exactly where I need to go
Ever present.
I have been single for 6 years - and in all that time it hasn’t made me feel lonely or bothered by it, I was bringing up my daughter, finding a home, etc. The necessary busy’ness.
I live 2 hours away from family, although they are not all Christians I am happier with my like minded christian family.
I have been feeling lonely. Now it’s an awful, sad feeling - although I don’t dwell there - it does have a very gloomy depressing feeling to it. I have realised it can make you quite vulnerable to making wrong choices. I am beyond that ‘feeling’ but I really don’t like that feeling of lonliness.
Any inspiration with regards this. I miss being near my family but moving may not be right, spiritually. Spiritually I feel that I don’t have a home on earth. Sort of a funny place. I am opening up to the idea that it might be nice to meet a soulmate.
God bless
Sarah
Dear Hannah,
I think it is awesome that you have your eyes on a Christian guy. Have you tried just saying “hello” or making small talk? It could be that he is just as shy and feeling as awkward as you are. You don’t have to be inapproriate or come off aggressive by just being polite. Even if he isn’t the right one for you, God has someone He has already chosen for you. Pray that He would give you the eyes to see and ears to hear when that special one is near. It can be diffult when you see all your friends around you experience something that you want so badly for yourself. It may seem like at eternity right now, but if you are patient and know that it is always if His time (and not ours) you will always be grateful that you waited for the right one.
God Bless,
Jodi
Christian Singles Blog Moderator
Dear Sarah,
My heart is so close to yours it gives me chills. In my own spiritual journey I have found myself feeling like an alien living on this planet. You look around and things do not look the same as they once did. People who you once spent so much time with, you no longer want to be around at all. I struggled with this quite a bit. God revealed to me that the reason I didn’t feel like I belonged to this world is becasue I don’t. We don’t. We live on this earth, but ultimately we are citizens of heaven. That is the Holy Spirit that has taken up residence in your heart. Once that happens you are changing from the inside out.
God is so good! You have let Him in and He has filled you up for the past 6 years. He has been your bridegroom and you have allowed Him to penetrate your heart. AMEN.
You sound like a very positive person all around. Even when you start feeling lonely, you don’t want to “dwell in it” You have been dealing with the necessary “busy ness”, is it possible that now that you are more settled you have more time to think about your family that is 2 hours away? Only you can be certain of where it is best for you to live. Pray for God to reveal to you where He has planned for you. Follow your heart and the Holy Spirit in you to let you know what feels right. It is Ok to love your family and feel more comfortable in your family of believers.
When we are on the treadmill of life and going along it does great things to keep our minds off our troubles. If you have some more time in your busy life now, maybe it’s a good time to get involved in something positive. Maybe even a ministry to help other single parents like you? I sense a strength in you, unlike most in your position.
Sometimes when we are so strong and holding it together perfectly that wears on us. It is exhausting emotinally and physically. We are taking care of our children, working, running our house. We need a break, when will someone take care of us? It is difficult. It is lonely. You can be surrounded by a great support group, church, good friends and still feel like the lonliest person on earth, when we are doing it all alone.
Until God shows you the soulmate He has for you lean Him and don’t try to do this all on your own. Matthew 11:30 Jesus tells us “My yolk is easy and my burden is light”
God often speaks to us in a whisper, so we need to listen carefully. If we do, our burden will be light. He wants to help us. When we are feeling lost and confused we are to put our trust in Him and not rely on our own limitations (Proverbs 3:5).
Take some time and try to read some of Songs of Songs. It is one of my favorite books in the bible that describes God’s love for us and the intimate relationship He longs for with us.
You are going through a pit right now, but this isn’t going to last. He will get you through this.
God Bless,
Jodi
Christian Singles Blog moderator
Hi guys,
Does anyone know any verses that are good to dwell on to help you focus on the Lord and not the person for whom you care? I am 26 yo, never had a boyfriend. I made a lot of stupid decisions with guys looking for validation when I was younger and I have several close Christian guy friends now. In general, I really struggle as to why guys would want to be good friends with me or want to try to sleep with me, but none ever want to date/marry me. I feel that I am under a huge amount of attack from the enemy, as well, but I have fallen for my closest guy friend. I have had many crushes in my life, but this feels worse. We spend way too much time together. I had to talk to him and set boundaries because it was feeling too much like a relationship (we were talking for hours on the phone every night and falling asleep on the phone). I don’t want to lose my friend and I know he doesn’t feel the same way, but this is distracting me from Jesus and causing problems in our friendship. Please share thoughts and verses, especially in light of the fact that I think my feelings are aggravated by the attack I have been under (in several areas for the last several weeks). Help?!