Abusive relationships are not uncommon among dating single Christians. Some singles have been in an abusive relationship, and know the pain that goes with it. Sadly, other single Christians reading this article right now are presently in an abusive relationship, but may not know it or be in denial over it.
While in the rest of this article we will designate the victim as a “she”, over 10% of abusive relationships consist of women against men. Abusive relationships come in all sizes and shapes, which at times could make it difficult to realize you or one of your friends are actually in one. Would you know it if you were dating an abuser?
Abusive Dating Relationships Are About Power and Control
The victim of an abusive relationship may suffer one or more of the following forms of abuse:
Abusive Relationships and Isolation
In an abusive relationship the abuser is obsessively possessive and jealous.He has tight reigns on what the victim does, where she goes or who she talks to on the cell phone.
Abusive Relationships and Emotional Attacks
The abusive dating partner will often make the other party feel inept, stupid or crazy. He accomplishes this through manipulative words or acions. He may accomplish this through putdowns about her appearance or intelligence. He may also inexplicably withdraw affection, using it as a weapon. All of this wreaks havoc on the abused’s self esteem.
Abusive Relationships and Intimidation
In an abusive relationship there are often subtle forms of intimidation by the use of body language (facial expressions, gestures, etc). An escalation in this area would also include yelling, ranting and smashing items precious to the victim. This a bad scene all around.
Abusive Relationships and Threats
If the perpetrator in an abusive relationship is not getting his way, he may resort to making threats of physical violence against the other person, their children or even themselves: “If you leave me I will kill you and myself.”
Abusive Relationships and Physical Violence
In this most dangerous stage of an abusive relationship, physical violence could very well include beatings and/or sexual abuse. The abuser will often apologize afterwards through tears and promises, and the victim will usually forgive them or be afraid to report the incidents, even to the local church leaders.
Proactive Steps to Take in an Abusive Relationship
- Never give up outside relationships with family, your local church pastor and trusted friends who can give godly advice in time of need. In this regard, the benefits of being involved in a Christian singles small group cannot be overstated. Remember, since the victims in abusive relationships tend to be co-dependent, keeping contacts with the outside world will help them maintain realistic thinking.
- Educate yourself on the resources available for victims in abusive relationships. A good place to start in the US is the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They can be accessed via the web at ndvh.org. In the UK, you may want to check out hiddenhurt.co.uk. In Australia, a great abusive relationship resource can be found at dvirc.org.au/HelpHub/HelpIndex.htm
- Seek professional Christian counseling to help guide you through the issues that caused you to get into an abusive relationship. This is important because unless you learn why you got into such a relationship, you will likely repeat the process.
Are you a single Christian stuck in an abusive relationship?
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Posted: Dating Relationships, Abusive Relationships, Background Checks, Dating Advice, Dating Tips, All Recent Singles Posts Tags: none
In a previous article we wrote about some pros for using a Christian dating site. However, like most anything else in life, involving yourself with a Christian dating site has its negative side.
Christian Dating Site Negatives
Christian Dating Site Users Can Lie
Of course, lying can occur in any forum, whether it’s through an online Christian dating site, or in a Christian singles group. Pathological liars who date make the rounds everywhere. But it is a little easier to lie in front of a computer screen. And most of us have stories of folks pretending to be somebody online that they’re really not, like the dating married guy, or that single girl who manipulates that lonely single guy into spending big bucks on her.
Christian Dating Site Photos Can Lie Too
Boy, we ain’t kidding! That’s all I’ve got to say about that. Next! If you are a little insecure and thinking about touching up, ahem…your photo, please don’t try that. Instead check out our online Christian dating site picture advice that will help fix you up real nice.
There is a Learning Curve Attached to Christian Dating Site Use
Some Christian singles get frustrated with Christian dating sites because they may not attain positive results straight away. That’s why is important to understand how to start using a Christian dating site before spending your money on a membership.
Bottom line: The dating advice here is to join some of the top Christian dating sites that offer free trial memberships, and see how they work.
Christian Dating Site Use Is Addicting
It’s very easy to get carried away when on an online Christian dating site. Not only is it not a good idea for your health to spend too much time in front of a computer, you lose out on family, ministry and other opportunities to enjoy life.
So please see your Christian dating site memberships as a complementary item to other ways for meeting a date in your everyday living.
Are a Christian single with the itch to share your bad Christian dating site experience?
Posted: Background Checks, Christian Dating Online, Christian Dating Services, Christian Articles, Christian Dating Site, Dating Advice, Dating Tips, Christian Cafe, Eharmony, Single Christian Network, BigChurch, Single Parents Dating, All Recent Singles Posts Tags: Christian dating site, Christian dating sites
Background Checks in online dating are becoming more and more popular, as some internet dating services such as eHarmony are offering the option to their members. One of the online dating sites to offer background checks of their members is an interesting site called WealthyMan.com which began doing criminal background checks. Some lawmakers have actually proposed legislation that would force matchmaking services, including all Christian Dating Services, to perform background record checks on all the folks who use their sites.
Additionally, there are many companies that offer discreet background checks for those daters who have doubts about their potential dating partners. Just “Google” the phrase “background check”, and you’ll see a number of these services come on screen.
Most companies start the background check by verifying the potential soulmate’s identity using a combination of name, date of birth and residential/postal info. If you have a partial social security number, that will do as well. Once the person’s birthday and residence information is confirmed, the company can perform a background check on the person of interest, searching a number of different variables
Reasons to Use Background Checks With Online Christian Dating
Surveys show many singles, including Christian singles, would be interested in using background checks on their dating interests. The reason is simple: No one wants to invest their tender emotions in a pathological liar. The companies that offer background checks claim they can answer the following questions for the right price:
- Does he/she have a criminal background?
- Is he/she already married, but still in the dating market?
- Does he/she have a prior family court history with domestic violence or abuse?
- Is he/she lying about name, age, occupation, location, etc?
Why Background Checks are Not So Hot
Cost
Unless you are using one of the sites that offer background checks, checking
backgrounds on somebody can be pricey. A background check can cost you anywhere from $15-$80, depending on how nosy or scared you are.
Accuracy
Unless you pay top money, or have a dating site that knows what they’re doing, your background check may be outdated by a few years. Also, because identity theft is so prevalent, the person you think you’re doing a background check on, may not be the person you’re doing a background check on. Get it?
Single Christians can meet whackos, liars and cheaters not only online, but also in church (i’ve met a couple myself there), the market, a club, literally anywhere. So where do we draw the line on background checks?
Our take on the background check fad is that single people who use an online Christian Dating Service could find protection in the vast majority of cases by simply educating themselves about dating safety, both online and offline.
What are your thoughts on using dating background checks?
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Posted: Senior Dating, Christian Dating Online, Background Checks, Hispanic Dating Services, Christian Singles Soapbox, Eharmony, PerfectMatch, Yahoo Personals, All Recent Singles Posts Tags: Background Checks-Record Checks
