I broke up with my boyfriend who is a unbeliever and I’m trying to tell myself that I did the right thing, but honestly I still have hope for our relationship.  I’m having a hard time to see that it can’t work out.

In 2 Corinthians 6:14-16, it says not to mix with things that are wicked and that a believer and unbeliever has nothing in common, but my ex-boyfriend is not wicked. He happens to have very high morals, and he does not worship idols. We have many things in common and he is very open-minded to my beliefs, but he feels that is no possible way to really prove that miracles exits (due to the focus of our topic, I will not fully discuss why that is). We discuss the Bible and share our deep passion for the truth. In fact, I think being with him makes me closer to  God because I am able to analyze the Bible in such great depth that I have never had done before.

In my church everyone believes that a believer can not be with an unbeliever, and because of this I feel ashamed, and cursed because of it. They say that I’m going for second best in my life, but I believe that we are so compatible and perfect for each other. How are they to judge how our relationship is righteous or wicked?

Before I got into a  dating relationship with him, my church told me to right down everything I wanted in a man, and this unbeliever is everything I wished for, except that he is not Christian. I might have compromised, but it is because I believe that nothing can separate my love for Christ and I could still honor Him.

In my heart, I feel as if we are already married. I believe that my marriage will be sanctified by God through me. (1 Corinthians 7:14) We even discussed about how we would raise our children and he’s perfectly fine about me raising them to be Christians. I feel as if it is certain Christians who believe in this doctrine are the ones who make it bad. Spiritually, they are cursing the relationship. What makes you think that it won’t work out righteously?

Please comment. I’ve notice that there has been no comments on relationship with believers who are dating highly moral people.

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As a divorced, Christian male in his late 40’s I have observed that in Western culture we have lost respect for and a Godly perspective of the institution of Christian marriage itself. I am very disappointed with the direction our culture is going and I think the Apostle Paul saw some of the same problems in his time that we see today.

There are many competing philosophies and attitudes today that make the dating/marriage landscape somewhat harder for singles to navigate. Here is a few of them: its okay to shack up, anti-male attitudes, unfair divorce laws, if it feels good do it promoted by media, social prejudices towards singles, and so on.

Paul, I believe wanted Christians to see that ideally marriage was an institution that God constructed to benefit men and women by being married and loving each other faithfully.

On the other hand, Paul knew that because of sin and social changes and upheaval that men and women who are Christians should always walk very carefully and see if and how marriage can fit into their lives. May God bless you and show you His plan for your life whether single or married!!!

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In addition to those feelings, another sign of a codependent relationship in dating is that the one or both daters will be seeking constant approval from the other, and feel worthless if they don’t receive it.  Having a codependent relationship means that you feel you cannot live without this person and seek constant approval towards you actions.

Avoiding Codependent Relationships

If you are a single Christian interested in avoiding codependent relationships, try the following:

• Allow for time away from your date in order to develop your own self worth and value.  If you have to spend every waking hour with the other person, you are in a codependent relationship.
• Never stay in a dating relationship out of fear of being alone
• Never stay in a relationship with someone who has struck you…even once. People stay in abusive dating relationships due to codependency.
• Allow your closest friends and family members to objectively examine whether you are with the other person because you “want to” or because you “need to”. If you are in a dating relationship with that other Christian single person because of the latter, this is a codependent dating relationship, and needs to be terminated if you wish to avoid future pain.

Overall, codependent relationship are always  unhealthy, and impede personal and interpersonal growth. However, if you practice the above points, you will go a long way toward avoiding a painful codependent relationships.

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We wait in line to get into the newest Saturday night hangout. We will even spend hours waiting in line to get on the best thrill rides. We are willing to wait with excitement filled days before our birthdays or Christmas. The amount of time we are willing to wait often speaks volumes as to how valuable we view
something.

Dating Game-Waiting Game Blues

Why are we less patient in waiting to hear God in certain areas like dating? Maybe we do not want to really hear what he has to say? We have already made up our minds on what we want to do.

We don’t have that kind of time. I am lonely and I don’t want to be alone. It is the beginning of the month and I can’t stretch out my bank account any longer. We need an answer and we need it now.

If we value hearing from God and are assured that we will hear His voice we can muster the determination to wait patiently for His voice. Waiting to hear from God is never easy. Especially when we are hurting in the area of Christian dating relationships. We wonder why can’t God just make this better NOW?

Part of the process of waiting is often as important as the message itself. As we wait our faith is strengthened. We prepare ourselves to receive what God is telling us and respond with obedience. As we immerse ourselves in prayer and devotion God is drawing us closer. We experience an intimacy with Him that we wouldn’t have otherwise.

Most important we need to know that God does have a specific plan and future for us. (Jeremiah 29:11) He does want to be part of every step for our life. (Psalm 37:23) That is why before we rely on our own understanding; we need to ask God what He would have for us.

It isn’t easy but we must remain faithful in prayer and in the secure knowledge that God will speak to us. His timing is perfect, even when our patience is not. (Acts 1:7) Often much can happen while we are waiting on the Lord. Sometimes he changes pride into humility; doubt into faith and peace; sometimes lust into purity. The Lord can and will do it.

I can finally pay those bills each month that I used to dread. My relationship with my family has been restored. My heart is at peace and I can feel complete without having a partner at my side. Then a large gust of wind comes along and all of the things that we struggled so hard to get into place are scattered.

How will I have the strength to pick up all these pieces again? What did I do wrong, or not do that I find myself seemingly back to where I first started? Did I disappoint God? Did He forget that I was here?

These are questions we all as single Christians may ask as we search for some explanation for our crisis. Part of our human condition is that we can’t understand the big picture in God’s entire plan. Our vision is limited and short sighted. We can only focus on what is directly in front of us at the time.

If you looked at a large tapestry up close, it would seem like a bunch of jumbled up threads without any sense of order. Step back a few feet and your eyes would behold the beauty of a magnificent work of art.

Only God can see our lives as that magnificent work of art and know that all that jumbled up messiness is woven together into a beautiful creation. Romans 8:28 tells us that all things work together for good. That is fine, you may say, but how do I deal with my jumbled up mess and have faith in God’s promise in the meantime?

Fortunately we are not left without a resource to navigate this life. We have God’s word and guidance in His word. First we must be assured in God’s unconditional love for us as His children. The trials we face in this life are not punishment for anything we have done. That is not the nature of our God. There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1)

You may feel like you have already suffered so much. You have turned to God, repented for your sins so why are you forced to suffer more? Jesus promised eternal salvation for all who believe in Him, he never said that it was going to be an easy road.

Our faith in God will give us the strength to endure these times. God is faithful; he will not let you experience a crisis, beyond what you can bear. He will give you a way out so you can stand up under it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

One of the biggest things I have learned about why God allows us to be tested in this world is to bring us closer to Him. We tend to put God on the back burner until we need Him. We check in weekly just to say “Hi, things are good and everything is pretty under control down here”

Are they really good? Do you have things under control or are you allowing God to be in control? Maybe God is just trying to get your attention. We are all God’s children. He wants to be part of our lives each and every day.

As a Christian single going through storm s of life pray continuously and give thanks in your circumstances (1 Thessalonians) that doesn’t mean that God expects us to be thankful FOR the storm we are in. We are just called to remember that we serve an awesome God who will deliver us out of the storm and restore us in Him.

The great news today is that God created each of us for a mission in this world. He has given each of us a unique SHAPE. What we mean by this is that He has given each of us special gifts and talents that He wants us to use for Him and others. Guess what? When we find our SHAPE and live by it, we find that elusive purpose and joy wev’e been yearning for our entire lives.

Oasis-Church-NJ.com is proud to bring you today’s Christian podcast from Pastor Nelson Nelson Searcy the Journey Church on the subject of finding your SHAPE for a purposeful life. I guarantee you’ll get alot out of it.

Looking for a new church in New Jersey where you can use your gifts and talents? Why not check out Oasis Church NJ, a new and upcoming contemporary Christian Church serving Union, Morris, Essex and Somerset Counties. Go to our site for times and directions.

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Last year, I was applying for a job and sent my resume to different consultants. I was excited to see a website by a Trainer who posted verses and included Christian messages. He interviewed me online and then met personally for an “interview”. Later on our relationship developed into a romantic one, but the business venture didn’t push through. He said he had cancer and so I felt time may be against us, and soon the relationship went very fast.

He said he was a Christian and wanted to honor God in all he does - which made me fall in true love with him even more. I had always prayed and waited on God for a soulmate, a  man who will be my spiritual partner.

The first red flag I ignored was when he said that God wanted us to be - one - and that God actually wanted us to sleep together. I told him that we can wait until after we were married but I was already being manipulated to be with him in a place we can “talk and not be disturbed and have quality time”.

Even if I knew better, the relationship soon became an “idol” and I willingly succumbed to his lie. He said, from the moment he met me he knew I was to be his wife because God predestined us. He said I was the reason he wanted to live. I went to bed with him. He would come once in awhile in my hometown because he lived far away. A year of guilt, suffering, doubts and breakdown of communication took place - I never met any of his friends and family and he always had excuses and even made me feel guilty when I asked questions and he said I was being selfish when his reasons are because of his “health” or family.

Yet, I felt I couldn’t leave him because he had cancer and I genuinely loved him and wanted to spend my life with him.

I asked him the last time we were together, whether he believed that LOVE and TRUTH can not coexist without each other after he told me continuously he loved me while in bed. However, a few days after he didn’t even greet me on my birthday, and I was made to believe that it was because he became unconscious and had to be brought overseas for treatment.

That was when I decided to deactivate my yahoo account, and end it. But still, I loved him. Then I found a website where he posted an address and home phone number. yesterday, I went to this address and couldnt find it.

But truth unfolded when I left a message to the person who answered the phone and told her that I left a package for him. Today I just received a call from his WIFE. I was crying and told her I didn’t know about her. I told her if I knew, I would not have entered into the relationship because I saw my mom go through the pain when she found out about my dad’s extramarital affair.

Overall, I am heart broken and i cant believe a man who claims to love God and his country, can do such a thing to his wife - and me. It also dawned on me, that how much he has hurt me is how much I hurt the God when I “left my first love” (Jesus).

I don’t know where to start and begin to pick up the broken pieces and rebuild my shattered life. I used to be so close with God before this man entered my life. Do all you can to avoid dating married people.

please pray for me.

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Christian Dating Service Home

However, the one area where  Christian singles struggle the most is maintaining sexual purity in their relatuonships. The yearning for emotional and physical intimacy can be just plain overwhelming at times, and many have fallen for the sex before marriage trap. Yet, having a proper and godly perspective on sex, relationships, and singleness can help singles avoid needless guilt when they do fall and move on to restore full fellowship with God.

Some have written us asking why we broadcast similar stuff more than once a year. The answer here is simple: People keep coming back or more dating advice on this topic.

Christian Dating Service Home

Christian Cafe Dating Service
Now Has More Members

While I originally trashed Single Christian Network (SingleC) in one of our Christian dating service reviews, looks like I’m gonna have to retract some of my statements now that they are a part of Christian Cafe. While singleC always had great intentions, they simply did not have a large enough database of single Christians to help singles meet other singles in their local area.  However, now that their members will be combined with Chriostian Cafe members, one has a much better chance of finding that special spiritual relationship and Christian soul mate.

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