What the Bible Says About Dating During a Marriage Separation

Nothing.  That’s right, the Bible has zilch to say about dating during separation. Of course, the Bible has absolutely nothing to say about dating at all because dating is really a 20th Century phenomenon.

The closest Scripture we can find that’s even remotely related to dating while separated occurs in 1 Corinthians 7:10-19: “A wife must not leave her husband. But if she does leave him, let her remain single or else go back to him. And the husband must not leave his wife.”

The above Scripture is pretty clear here that separation is allowed but not desired.  God also appears to teach by implication that if the person who leaves is to remain single, he or she  should not be in a romantic relationship (ie: dating) with any other person other than their spouse. And in the 21st Century, the purpose of Christian dating should expressly be to find a Christian wife or husband, right?

Let’s face it, separation is a sad but sometimes necessary action needed to protect the physical/emotional well being of the person who leaves and/or the children involved. For example, if a husband is physically violent against his wife or kids, the person in this abusive relationship should seek assistance and remove themselves from that dangerous situation.

Putting whatever the Scriptures have to say on the subject aside for a moment, in Family Court we teach there are many other practical reasons and pitfalls why “singles to be” should avoid dating  marital separation. Many of these are similar to those going through the process of dating after divorce, or being a single again person dating with kids.

So where do you stand on the issue? How would you answer the question of “Should dating be allowed during marriage separation?”

Christian Singles Home

Top 5 Christian Singles Complaints

The following Christian Singles complaints
were compiled through a worldwide survey of 1000 singles conducted
by Christian Dating Service Plus:

1. Churches look down on singles, and cater mostly to married people.
2. Difficulty finding  Christian singles who are normal and available in the local area.
3. Nagging relatives who badger, especially at holiday gatherings, why we are still still single.
4. Loneliness gets to be difficult to handle as a single person.
5. Single Parenting is a difficult job.

Do any of the above Christian singles complaints resonate with you?

Christian Dating Home

This weekend I was talking to a girl who practiced missionary dating with guy, and it worked out famously. The dude become a Christian and the two are now enjoying a blissful marriage, ministering together in a local church. Although I have no real scientific data on missionary dating, I would definitely say that for every missionary dating success story, I have probably heard of 9 others that have failed miserably.

I for one certainly understand and empathize with the reasons single Christians practice missionary dating. Most will say dating an unbeliever or thinking of “unequally yoked” dating because there are simply not enough decent Christian prospects out there, or they are afraid or tired of going through life single and alone. This case is most especially true for singe Christian women due to the dearth of men attending church nowadays.

So, where do we go from here? If missionary dating is not a viable or biblical option, what are the alternatives for finding a dating match in your local area? Our concern for singles dealing with this issue is actaully one of the main reasons we created Christian Dating Service PLUS.

Our advice for those tempted with missionary dating includes the following:

* Understand and redefine your role as you wait on God for a soul-mate
* Increase the pool of potential Christian single prospects by at least trying some of the premier and well known Christian dating site out there today. Here is a good start on understanding how to use christian dating sites.

Overall, missionary dating is a difficualt area, fraught with controversy. However, if you are a Christian, you have a Saviour who promises blessing and a future hope for you…including your dating life.

Want to add your thoughts about missionary dating?

Christian Dating Service Home

Dating this married guy started as him emailing and calling as ‘a dear old friend.’ He would tell me how much he prayed…how much he had changed. I was smitten. I believed in him 100% b/c I was desperate for the attention and the romance. I compromised everything I believed in. My marriage almost ended. Our two children were a mess, as I was in ‘heaven’ with this guy occupying almost every thought (can you say idolatry?). Things started to self destruct when that ‘odd feeling’ in my gut told me that he was a liar (like he used to be).

The date of his impending divorce came and went, and he started to get very snippy and defensive if I even so much as inquired about his wife or his divorce. The more I started to inquire, the more he started to back-track. He ended up totally throwing me under the bus. If my husband would have left me, I would now be living alone…probably without my children. Like one other women said to me, trust your gut…ask the questions…if a guy gets ticked off, then he’s not the one (he’s also probably a liar and/or a narcissist).

If a guy really is Christian, he would not lead you to commit adultery, nor justify why he does it. There is NO justifying it. And if he’s doing it with you, he’ll do it TO you. I found out in my quest for answers that this guy has a problem with pornography, has girlfriends in at least 3 states, and is looking for more (and is STILL married). And yes, his wife knows about me. I doubt their marriage will survive, but that’s up to them (and God).

I know much of this is my own fault. I erroneously thought that somehow I was helping to lead this guy to the Lord, when in fact, he was leading me into the pit of hell. On the other hand, I am so BLESSED that my husband decided to stick in there with me. We are rebuilding our marriage and it is better than ever. For people who say that when the feeling is gone, your marriage is over, I say NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD. That is a lie society has told us.

And for any of you contemplating any kind of relationship of any kind with a married man, I tell you this: RUN!! That is God’s word to “…run from sexual sin.” The reason is b/c it will tear your heart and soul to pieces. Also know that God gives us His Word to protect us, not for some twisted type of control used to keep us from really enjoying life as satan would have us believe. It is not o.k. for you to be friends either. That’s how it all starts….small compromises.

We all know that there are two paths in this world–the one of light and the one of darkness. There is no middle ground. Satan likes to convince us otherwise. Read your Bible people…it’s the best weapon against ‘the great deceiver’. And PRAY PRAY PRAY. Tell the guy to look you up if and when he actually does get a divorce (and I don’t just mean filing the papers). If it’s so ‘inevitable’ and ‘upcoming’, it shouldn’t take long. Even then, I would be extremely cautious. Make sure the guy’s lines (and actions) match up with scripture….that’s the real test.

Finally, what’s so bad being by yourself? Enjoy your “singlehood”. You’re better off that way…and remember to “Seek first His Kingdom, and you will be given the desires of your heart.” That’s actually how I met my husband :). I finally had given up on dating…on finding a man myself. I gave it to God, and took a chance on a very nice man who wasn’t the “charmer” or the “bad boy” I usually dated (and was thinking I was missing out on something later on). But guess what? His heart makes him more and more attractive to me every day, and here is a man who would stay by me through anything….even adultery, and even though it took everything he had to stay. God bless him for that (I know He will!). And praise be to God for delivering me from that horrible, deceitful situation and mindset, and for giving me another chance.

Christian Dating Singles

Top Seven Valentines Day Gifts for Him

1. Get him a Tshirt or a Hoodie.  You can make your own iron-on design, order one online, or go to a shop that air brushes and puts logos on shirts.  Make it a shirt that he would want to wear out in a public place.  You can also get him a shirt or hoodie that has his faveorite band, or a movie that he likes on it.
2. Buy him a DVD.  Buy him his favorite movie, or a season of his favorite TV show.  Guys love to watch their favorite shows over and over, so don’t worry if they’ve already seen it a few times.
3. Get him a toy.  Although it may sound strange, all guys are kids inside.  Buy him a game system, or if he already has a system , get him a game.  If he is really into sports, you could get him a football or a basketball.  If he loves cars, get him a model car.
4. Give him something practical.  Give him something that he can use.  If he works out a lot, get him workout clothes, or a gym bag.  If he plays guitar, get him guitar strings or picks.  If he likes to build or fix things, get him a tool set.
5. Get him tickets to see his favorite band, or a sports event.  Guys love to go to these things, and if you go with him, he will really like it.

Whatever  Valentines Day gift for your boyfriend you decide to get him, he will appreciate the fact that you put thought into it.  He will probably love it just because you gave it to him.  And be sure to have a great Valentines Day!

Christian Singles Blog

How Not to Attract a Single Guy Advice

Single guys are a different breed compared to single girls.  Many girls may try to attract guys by acting a certain way around them.  Don’t do it girls! The fact is this may turn them off.  Taking the following attraction tips will go a long way toward avoiding making your single guy date run away. Trust us on this.

How NOT to attract a Single Guy

• Being too clingy.  Although you may feel like being extra attached or clingy to your boyfriend may make him feel that you care alot about him, the opposite may be true.  Guys relate women who are too touchy and clingy to being desperate and over emotional.  The best thing to do is to relax and just enjoy being with eachother.  This will also make him more comfortable, and the relationship will have more room to grow.
• Buying his love.  Trying to over impress him with gifts, and other similar things will make him get the idea that you are insecure about yourself.  It gives the impression that you don’t want him to get to know you, but instead get to know you money.
• Laughing at everything that they do.  Many women want their date to feel like he is showing them a good time and that they are enjoying themselves.  However, laughing at every little thing that the guy says will just make him feel insecure.  This is because he will see through the fakness of your laughing and think that you are not truly enjoying yourself.  The best thing to do is to laugh when he says something that you find funny.

The bottom line is this: Please don’t try to attract a guy by doing these things. Taking it easy and just being yourself will attract just the right single guy for you.

Christian Dating Singles Blog Home

Single Christian Dating :Why Friends?

I have found among friends of mine that date, a lot of heartache, frequent confusion, and many incidents of sin. These things may show up in an actual back-slide or simply a tendency for both in the relationship to move further away from God. If it is a Christian friend dating a non Christian, there is almost certain to be ungodly fruit as a result. When I have tried to “play by everyone else’s rules” myself, I was eventually very sorry for this decision. However, the  Christian dating rule of only being friends with guys, has allowed me to stay in control of the situation and of myself, and never left me with a broken-heart. In addition, I have had the respect of my guy friends, as they have mine. And we have had the opportunity to truly get to know each other, without the clouded judgment emotional involvement can bring.

What’s more, such relationships are lasting friendships, rather than the kind that end abruptly, leaving one or both parties devastated. Even with the guys I have not spoken to in years, each of us knows we can always reconnect, and rekindle the friendship. Some of these men have gotten married. Some have gone on to other things, and some I just wonder about, and pray for from time to time.

Although the above single men may not be in my life now, they have helped build me into the person I am today by their powerful influence and brotherly caring. Together we have taught one another and grown in the Lord. In the guys’ case, they learned about women before getting married and this may have helped them to be better husbands. In my case, I’ve learned about men, and had male companionship to keep me from feeling alone while waiting for the man I will one day marry to come into my life.

Single Christian Dating Advice: Escaping What the World Teaches

We all know the shows; “Sex in the City,” “Seinfeld,” “Friends;” all tv sitcoms which celebrate the single life-style, while seeming to offer support to those of us who find ourselves in the same unfortunate situation. We look forward to being married one day, but just have not found the right person of the opposite sex to share our lives with.

As a single lady and also a believer in Christ searching for a godly perspective on sex and relationships, I used to watch “Sex in the City” frequently. Although I felt convicted, there was just something about the struggles of “Carrie Bradshaw,” a “thirty-something” lady living in New York City, which I could identify with. The support which the writers of “Sex in the City” gave to me, was something I found lacking in the several churches I had attended, which seemed to be teaching the same message, that persons in their late 30’s should definitely be married by now. If not (the sitcom writers concluded), then it stands to reason such unfortunate singles are involved in sexual or adulterous relationships. As a Christian I of course had to reject this message.

However, the message that one who is single at this age (late 30’s to 40’s) is to be pitied, is a message I am learning to reject as well. After all, if God is allowing this type of situation in so many of our lives, can we really go on acting as if some divine cosmic mistake has occurred? Should we keep acting as if it is a situation we should be working day and night to “fix” for ourselves? For those in the world, like “Carrie Bradshaw” we can certainly empathize, but as believers we must not forget that we have a greater hope in Christ Jesus, and He is our one true love and always will be.

Marriage, which is frequently alluded to in movies as the one true happy ending, is in actuality a very difficult process. Many unsuspecting partners find their one time illusion ending sadly in divorce. Even for believers, marriage should not be thought of as that great paradise we all aim for. Where it is meant to be a wonderful union of two people, and certainly a blessing, any married person you speak to, if he or she is honest, will tell you Christian marriage is a lot of work. I have had more than one married friend describe marriage as “over-rated,” once they had taken the big step themselves, only to find it was no where near what they had once imagined it would be.

As singles, we must consistently resist the message taught to us by the media and amongst our dating single friends which seems to imply, “You must be married to be happy.” Love can come from many different places. Although the love existent in marriage is a unique and special love, there are many ways in the world to experience God’s love, and to give it out to others as well. Friendship is one example of this.

A Cure for Your Needs

Other than physical intimacy, most of the needs we seek to have met as older singles desiring marriage can be met in other ways. This is another reason it is so important to have friends of both sexes to talk to and spend time with. We all have a need for companionship, for someone who understands us, or simply someone to listen, and care. All of these things and more can be met in friendship. What’s more, you may find your struggle with sexual needs to not be as strong, when other intimacy needs are met. In fact certain sexual struggles can be termed “False Intimacy.” (There is a book by this name which I highly recommend).

Considering that friendship is the foundation of a successful marriage anyway, godly friendships with members of the opposite sex can do much to prepare you for a successful marriage. No doubt the qualities you look for in your friends will be the same ones you find in your future mate one day. Now is the time to enjoy the fact that as a lady (or gentleman), you are allowed to talk to and befriend many guys (or women). You will also find that while in control of your emotions, backing off momentarily from friends you feel yourself becoming too emotionally intimate with, you will feel warm emotions for some of your friends while contemplating and praying about whether or not they may be the right one for you.

If you have already found evidence to suggest that a friendship will not ever lead to marriage, it will only be fair in this situation to allow your guy friend time and space to get to know other women. However, I have found it very fulfilling to later call a guy friend who is dating a girl he likes, and offer him support. When and if they break up later, I am still there as a friend for him. Since we never dated and broke up, there is no reason why he can’t call me if he just wants a sister in the Lord to talk to.

In my opinion, this puts me in a higher place in his life, even than the girl he just broke up with, or the next one he is about to date, because I may have a more permanent, even eternal place in his life. Also, as far as getting needs for companionship met, men seem to offer a strength of perspective that women don’t have. They also are usually very willing to help if we ladies have something that needs to be fixed, or if we need help moving. I have found this also to be the case with married men in the church.

As I have learned over the years, it is a godly principal often found in the Scriptures that believers need one another. What’s more, right now while we are single, it is a good time to begin depending on others, so that we do not put all our needs upon our future husband or wife one day. And just as a man may say that it is very useful to get a women’s perspective once in awhile (a female friend can help prepare a man for that lady who will one day fall in love with him by teaching him how to respect the opposite sex, how to dress to impress a lady, or just how it is a woman thinks about different matters), no doubt a guy can offer a special male perspective to us ladies as well, while offering that special support and masculine wisdom that only a guy can give.

Growing Closer to Your Future Mate

During your single years, which may have spanned an amount of time so much longer than you had expected (especially for those of us in our 40’s, 50’s and 60’s, who are divorced, never married, or widowed), it may not seem that you are drawing closer to your future mate. Of course this may require more faith than you feel you are able to express at times. This is perfectly normal. After all, you are holding your faith up against a worldly mindset that says you should be married before a certain time. In light of this mentality, our faith as Christians at times may seem ridiculous. However, while getting to know friends of the opposite sex, consider that you are drawing closer to marriage by learning to handle conflicts you may have with your future mate, learning what is appealing to the opposite sex, learning to compromise, and just learning to be comfortable with the opposite gender.

In our preparation time we learn to cook, become better Christians, build our minds with study, etc. While these characteristics prepare you to be a better person, having friends of both genders teaches you how to get along with another person, and also to know in advance what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship. No doubt the things you love about your opposite gender friends, are the same characteristics you will seek in a mate. What’s more, following a friendship approach to relationships, your future mate will come from your pool of friends. And when you discover that it is time to turn a good friendship into a marriage, the engagement can be very short, since the friendship is already well established.

Honoring the Lord through Friendships

With a friendship approach to singleness, it is easy to see how we can be honoring to God in all our relationships. By not getting our emotions involved before we completely know the person or persons we are attracted to, we are making the temptation to fall into sin much less likely. This approach is also a good way to show you care for the other person, by helping them keep a safe distance and not become too emotionally involved. They know what to expect from you, and can even relax when the two of you hang out together, knowing that only a friendship is expected. If one or both of you develop feelings, you have the privacy of not letting the other know yet. Keep in mind that you can have feelings for someone who is not right for you, so it may be prudent to not ever let your friend know how you feel, or did feel about them.

What’s more it is normal and natural to have warm feelings for those you love, in a God honoring way. This does not necessarily mean the relationship is headed for marriage. Imagine how nice it could be to have a pool of single men (or women) all of whom you have warm caring feelings for during this time while you are single. Once again, what we see on tv and in the movies is the world’s version of love, but as believers we have a higher calling.

There is nothing wrong with having brotherly or sisterly love for those you chose to be friends with. After all, isn’t this actually what God expects of us as believers? As you work on praying for, and expressing God’s love for your friends, you will be doing God’s work, while waiting for God to bring you and your future mate together. And if marriage is not your ultimate destination, you are still involved in God’s work, while He is revealing yourself, and your destiny to you.

The Missionary Dating Debate

By now you should recognize that spending time with someone of the opposite sex who is not a believer can be honoring to God, if you are in control of yourself, know where you stand and who you are, and are in prayer over the situation. Ideally you will be aware that your unbelieving friend has different motives, as he is seeking a worldly form of love from you, while you are hoping to show him or her something much better in the love of God. While you are praying for his or her conversion, from a “friend” standpoint rather than a “dating” one, you will be attempting to win him over for God’s purposes and not your own. Usually in these situations the nonbeliever will opt to leave your life, if conversion does not occur. You can feel satisfied in such case, knowing you did all you could toward God’s purposes.

In some instances however, this sort of interaction could become unhealthy. If you become weak to temptation, it is very important for you to leave the situation completely, or just spend some time apart. Please be aware if someone else’s influence is weakening your relationship with God, and back out. If it is too late, seek help. Such relationships are like addictions. Just like one who is addicted to a substance, you may need extra guidance and prayer to break away. Having male and female friends once again, can help you with such difficult situations as well.

I can not overstate how important it is to always have friends around who understand you and pray for you. Spending time with a non believer is not a sin, but becoming romantic with one certainly could be, and probably is. Keep in mind the scripture that says, “Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers” (II cor. 6:14). If you get to the point you are on equal ground with your non believing friend, you could be in danger. If you are sincerely doing God’s work by being a witness to him or her, and inviting him to church, be careful to keep the situation in prayer, and have friends praying for you and your friend. Above all, be honest with yourself. In this way you will be able to make the best decision for your unique situation.

A Final Note

With a loving approach which seeks the good of all involved, striving to build up and not tear down, looking to see how each friendship can be honoring to God, and letting God define each new relationship we find ourselves in, we will no doubt find our single lives to be much more fulfilling. In the life of the single Christian adult there are often lonely times, and unanswered questions. In the comfort of many friends we will have good company, finding we have much to receive from others, and much to give as well.

MK Bashlor,  is the author of this article  and  will be available to answer all your questions at innovate68@hotmail.com

Speed Dating Questions Prep

Perhaps the biggest question people have about speed dating is what speed dating questions they they should expect to answer when they go to a speed dating event. The following are a list of top speed dating questions we compiled:

1. Where do you call home?
2. What are you seeking in a dating relationship?
3. What is the most interesting fact about you that other people may not know?
4. What do you like to do for fun?
5. What are your religious views? As a Christian single, this is a biggie if you’re interested in meeting someone of like minded faith.
6. What do you do for work?
7. Are you currently attached to someone else?

Overall, if you can answer these speed dating questions intelligently and honestly, you will  avoid dating the wrong person as you meet other Christian singles in this format.

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eHarmony Promotional Code Scam

Beware. Before you guys get all excited, let’s just get it out right here: There is no such thing as an eHarmony promotional code. The sites who purport to have ehharmony coupons or promotional , these are frauds put out by hucksters seeking to draw you into their scam.

That being said, from time to time, eHarmony will have an “eHarmony promotion code”  for substantial discounts that can be accessed directly on the eHarmony dating service site. Additionally, most times eHarmony puts out a special promotion, they will advertise it on TV.

Visit eHarmony dating service today and take the Free Personality Profile Test worth $40.00

Single Christian Home

Is there  really such a thing as female commitment phobia? As I teach in our single parenting seminars, commitment phobia is usually a guy problem. However, with over 49 million single women in the US alone, female commitment phobia is rising sharply. Why is this? There are many fears that keep women single but some feel this increase in female commitment phobia is coming from those who have been through a past troubled relationship, such as a divorce. For example, many have shared with us how dating after divorce can be a very scary experience.

Do you or someone you know suffer from female commitment fears?  If you answer yes to any of the below, you just may:

Female Commitment Phobia Signs

1. Do you often date men who are unavailable?
2. Are you staying in an abusive relationship that’s going nowhere?
3. Do you have an unrealistic list of requirements for a potential soulmate?
4.Do you get panic attacks right before a date that causes you to back out?
5. Are you constantly choosing your career over dating?

The sad thing about many singles, both male and female, who are commitment phobes, is that they don’t want to be. They desire deliverance from this kind of bondage, but feel there is no way to overcome. If this is your situation, please remember that there is no hopeless cause with Jesus Christ in the picture, and many single Christians get great benefit from a certified Christian counselor trained in this area of need.

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