Christian Singles Dating Unbelievers

72 Responses to “Christian Singles Dating Unbelievers”

1. Mike on December 11th, 2006 3:03 pm
   

   I am a single Christian who struggles with the question of “all the good ones are taken” and desperate not to feel discouraged by that sentiment. Not to knock those who are “taken” but, if it were just about being “good” none of us could be “taken” much less saved. I too have struggled with sexual issues in my past before I got saved. I still struggle with it, but my perspective has transformed. It is a gift for my wife when not if I find her, or she finds me, or we find each other. So don’t let so-called moral high grounds discourage you either. We’re saved because we were all sinners; He died on the cross while we were yet sinners some of us “worse” than others, which makes our salvation all that much sweeter. Don’t let others pull you down or criticize you for it.
2. David Butler on December 11th, 2006 11:26 pm
   

   Dear Mike-

   Thanks for your thoughtful comments on the Christian single life. Let me encourage you by saying all the good ones are definitely not taken. I know that because we get thousands of Christian singles on this site every week praying for the same thing you are.

   And remember..you only need to “find” one of those good ones, and with the Lord on your side, it’s only a matter of time, my brother..
   God bless,

   David
3. yvonnesam on March 28th, 2007 5:44 pm
   

   hi, actually now i struggle with this problem. i’ve date with a non christian guy for almost 2 years. for sure, i hope he can become christian one day. But unfortunately, after 2 years he follow me to church, he told me that he hardly can’t accept christian. So, now i don’t know what to do? Wonder to break up with him but i can’t do so, cause i still very love him.And so do him.
   and your words >>> Why Settle for Second Best? This remind me of what my church youth leader told me before. why choose the 2nd best but not the best?

   i still very confusing, as i’m a easily cry girl.. Almost everytime i cry when think of this problem.

   hope to hear from you soon.
   if possible, hope we can contact through e-mail. thanks

   God bless~

   love, yvonne from Malaysia
4. caroline on November 25th, 2007 8:34 pm
   

   I am 31 and have been praying unceasingly for God to provide a christian man to me. Recently I met a muslim man who seems to be everything I have ever prayed for except of cause he is muslim. should I establish a relationship with him or not. What would be the pitfalls of engaging in such a relationship.I just cant seem to find any christian guys around, I have waited, fasted prayed and with 32 peakin around the corner I’m just begining to lose faith in the whole waiting for the Lord game.
5. kit on December 8th, 2007 6:40 am
   

   re: caroline
   follow your heart. it’s the 22nd century; if the man loves you as much as you love him, why not? good luck
6. Joanne on December 25th, 2007 2:25 am
   

   For all yyou people who are crying over where it my mate. Remember God is God and that he will come through for you you have to wait on him and be obedient. When I say He is God I am saying He can do anything He can change a sinner. But you must pray, trust and do what He tell us to in His Word. Stop dating the sinner and start praying for God will and no ours to be done. If the sinners in your life never come back and get saved they just were not the one for you and God has something so much better for you. You will be glad you didn’t end up with the people you are in the relationship with now. Trust God and take Him at His word.
7. Rozetta on January 18th, 2008 8:36 pm
   

   Hi, I am a strong believer in God and I could think of no other place to be than in the arms of God!! In regard to dating an unbeliever I just recently let someone go on the basis of my belief. It didn’t even last a month. I knew from the start that dating an unbeliever wouldn’t work but I persisted with it anyway. I let him know from the start how strongly I felt about God. He didn’t mind but I had a bad feeling every time we met up. Instead of feeling happy to see him I felt dreadful. I hated feeling like that and friends said “give it three months”, “just see if it will work”. I tried to but they weren’t the ones having to deal with dating an unbeliever. I hate to say it but I seen his flaws as soon as he opened his mouth. He tried to take my virginity, but I knew better than that! If I had come this far without “knowing a man” then I could go a little longer!! He got upset but I already knew it was time for him to go and me to move on. What a ride of my life!! We go through things to experience as well as learn, and I learned there is no rush in trying to find the right one when God is trying to shape me and mold me into the woman he wants me to be. I am still pure and whole and waiting on that one man who will bring joy to my life. I am being very careful about the men that try to approach me!!!! Beware dating an unbeliever!!!
8. David Butler on January 20th, 2008 1:19 am
   

   Rozetta:
   Thanks for your comments. We are praying for you. dating an unbeliever rarely works out because “missionary dating” rarely works. Fact. Kit: That’s risky and wrong advice in my book, but I do understand Caroline’s situation. Thanks for your comments.
9. Diego on February 10th, 2008 5:39 pm
   

   Hey guys,
   I just broke up with my unbeliever fiance, yup, I was about to get married, but the first day at counseling the issue came up, I felt really bad because I love her so much,
   but my love for God is stronger, even though i did wrong, i end up living with her for a while. got involve sexually we broke up couple of times and this time it was because of faith i felt I was being to strong with her
   I pray for strength specially because we work together
   thanks
10. João Manuel Teixeira Júnior on May 15th, 2008 10:37 am
    

    Desejo manter correspondencia Biblica o que devo fazer? agradeço ajuda de vossa parte
11. Chris on June 15th, 2008 4:24 am
    

    In regard to dating unbelievers: Hey, my best friend, who is a girl, has been dating an unbeliever for almost a year now. I have always felt uneasy about it but have never truly voiced it. About 3 or 4 months after they started dating, she suddenly felt that God was telling her to leave him because he is not a Christian, and this was tearing her up, but then she suddenly had an “It’s what God wants” attitude and continued to see him. Do you think God would be selective like this? Like he would say “It’s ok for this person, but not for this person,” type of thing??? I am a guy and I used to have VERY strong feelings for her and she knows it, so I have always felt that if I brought it up, she would think I am just being selfish, and I even question myself if I am just being selfish and still want to be with her. Is it even my place to bring it up? I just want the best for her and fear for her giving into sin, and don’t want her to miss God’s plan for her life.

    Any advice would be great.

    Thank you so much! God bless!
    Chris
12. Chris on June 25th, 2008 4:18 am
    

    Hey, this is Chris from the last post with an update. Well, I had been praying A LOT about my Christian best friend dating an unbeliever, and it turns out, she just broke up with him! She said she knew it wasn’t God’s plan for her to be unevenly yoked to an unbeliever.

    That’s it
    Take care
    -C
13. Grace on August 2nd, 2008 12:30 pm
    

    I’m attracted to a non christian guy, who keeps on asking me out. We connect in so many levels – intellectually and emotionally. I think he might be the one for me. I’m thinking that God is working on his heart right now, and someday we will cross paths again. FOr now I have to settle for being friends (because he doesn’t know God), but once the timing is right, and God gives me the Go signal, then the rest is history.
14. Simon on September 10th, 2008 8:28 pm
    

    You have to be weary. When people are in love or want somebody we can trick ourselves in to believing they are saved when there is no fruit. Ah! But we convince ourselves that the maggot ridden apples are good fruit – they are not. Be not deceived.

    If we are seeking a relationship or are in a relationship with an unbeliever they often “get saved” just to stay with us. there motive for “coming to Christ” is not pure and is at its core selfish. The only answer is to get out of that relationship and flee from it.
    Often we mistake God’s will for our will because it is convenient. Be not deceived.

    Pray for that person but firstly you must break up with that person. Otherwise you fall under the worst sin of all – hypocrisy.

    Its hard but God will heal your broken heart.
15. Lisa Leonard on September 16th, 2008 8:05 pm
    

    In regard to dating an unbeliever: I want tolet you all know that i got saved 10 years ago aged 17, but had been sexually active b4 that due to bein a young insecure sinner, anyway i met the ‘man of my dreams’ at aged 21, i believed he would be saved, but instead i ended up backsliding, 6 years later (last year) he finished with me, wow, completely broken hearted, but i always knew that we had no real spiritual connection, as he was dead to Christ, and i was dead to sin etc, i humbled myself, repented went back to church, and God forgave me, even blessed me by making me choir leader, blessed me in my uni studies with a first class honours, wow, God is so loving, i beg, pleease do not be foolish and think that they will be saved, ‘be not unequally yoked’ ‘darkness and light have no fellowship 2gether’. I pray for my ex now, and after a lot of sacrifice and tears, i am believing that Jehovah Jirah my provider, will work it all together for my own Good, i am on fire 4 Him again AMEN, its only a matter of time b4 im walking up the aisle to be joined together to a strong devil chasing, prayer warrior mighty man of valor, handsome, ha, amen all things are possible to him who believes, God is mighty and it is not good for a man to be alone, he designed eve for adam, and he will make a ay for me and you also..GOD BLESS!
16. aaron on September 25th, 2008 11:33 pm
    

    second best? who is to say just because they are christian they will further your faith or make you happy. you could be weary because its good to share common interests, but to leave somebody purely on the reason that they share different spirtial beliefs to you is absurd. Jesus spent most of his time being around sinners. God may have placed your bf in your life to strength your faith. or like so many stories ive heard, to witness to them and their friends. if you are in a happy loving relationship with a non christians, if it works, then stay with them.
17. Lisa Leonard on September 28th, 2008 7:18 pm
    

    Born again Christians John3:3 says we are are born of God, so how can a child of God even think about dating any body that is not born again. Not only that God said in His holy word, 2 Corinthians 6:14, “BE NOT UNEQUALLY YOKED WITH UNBELIEVERS: 4 WHAT FELLOWSHIP DOES RIGHTEOUSNESS & INIQUITY? OR WHAT COMMUNION HATH LIGHT WITH DARKNESS” Don’t take this scripture out of context, it simply means “yoked with a DIFFERENT yoke” It not only is true spiritually, but even in regards to our future.
18. Wandering Around In the Desert on December 24th, 2008 8:15 pm
    

    This is the first place that I have been to that does not make me feel worse than I already do…so I will pour out everything here. Six months ago, I met a guy who was not a christian. I fell for him the first day I met him. He didn’t have to do much to get me, Just ask me out on a couple of dates. Before you know it we were boyfriend and girlfriend and were sleeping together. Almost as bad as not being a christian, he treated me awful. Now it has been about six months. I was writing in my Journal all along about what a bad idea this was, but i kept ahead with it. Now I am in love with him, but at the same time, know that it can’t work. I just recently stopped talking to him about 80 hours ago. I broke up with a christian before this non-saved guy who was just not on the same page with me, and was really upset about it and depressed. I had been celibate 5.5 years and was doing good presumably. I lost everything so quickly. I was (am?) trying everything to make it work. I don’t know why. It is as if something has taken over me. I went from being this confident leader in so many aspects in my church to this lump of a person who can barely see what God has for her anymore. I am about to start school and was blessed to have a full ride, but I am so mad that I don’t have/ can’t find a good mate for me. One who is a Christian, and who has it together. I am in my late twenties, and even though that is not old…I want to be married. I know that I can be alone, but I am so tired of being alone. I was not unhappy single, I just don’t want to be. I feel like God is playing some sort of trick on me. I am thankfully not too heart broken, but I am sad that I am craving this man, and not craving the Lord like I used to. I am so afraid of going to hell, that I am inching my way back…I just don’t want to fall again…it hurts badly and it is very scary. I don’t know what to do to stop the cycle. I am too afraid to talk to my friends from church, or even my pastor that I am close to and definitely not my mom or dad. I know it is a trick of the enemy but I am still scared. I am depressed, I cry all the time, I have thoughts about suicide a lot, and this was even before the sexual relationship– they have just intensified since then. Please help me. I don’t want to feel like this anymore…I want to be happy again. And I also want to get married soon, so that I can stop feeling like a big sinner. This is an area of pure defeat for me. I feel like I can control everything else, but not this. Every time I give it to the Lord, even after years, it comes back to haunt me. It is depressing me. I am not free. Please help.
19. CadyB on December 29th, 2008 7:31 pm
    

    Dear Wandering,

    Wow, there is so much I want to say to you. First of all, I identify with so much that you have said. It appears that God is doing the same work in many of His children. I also feel honored that you would trust us where you would not trust others, so I want to be faithful with that and not disappoint you. I hope it makes you feel better to know that others have been there, and are going through the same thing. And I want to find a way to comunicate with you directly because I do have so much to say. As I’ve stated in a previous response, I will have an email address on here soon.

    One thing I see that you’re doing that is incredibly right is you’re journalling. Make sure you give yourself a pat on the back for this! In this way (journalling) you are owning the situation, and processing through it, and also validating yourself. Whatever is happening in your life good or bad, you know that you are worth enough to put it all on paper. You’re also a good writer! Maybe all the journalling is the reason why. Like me, this could make you a professional writer one day! It will also get you through college a lot easier than others, so good for you!

    The rest of what you wrote is difficult to address. Perhaps the answers for you are different than for me. We older single ladies wonder, why can’t we have the one thing we desire? That thing we were made for? Is God playing tricks, does He really love me? Then why won’t He give me a good man to love me? He said He would give us the desires of or heart, when! Why not now! Again Wandering, there are no easy answers. But I think you’re doing the right thing, you’re bringing it to God. You’re processing through your emotions. I know you will find peace and comfort here. Above everything else you will find your relationship with God is better than anything else in the world.

    Let me make a suggestion that may really help you. Do you know any married people? Have you ever seen them fight? Worry about bills, or have concerns about their kids? Have you heard them say they were depressed or suicidal? I have seen all of the above. Are you aware of what God may be saving you from? Maybe you think like me, sometimes you would give everything you have just for a fight with your spouse. But I think you and I will have that soon enough. In the mean time, I believe the closer you get to God, the less important marriage will be to you, and you will be able to focus on all the important things in your life right now, like school, and Christian service, and other things which you may not have mentioned here.

    We single ladies think marriage is really important, among other things, because our culture idolizes it. As believers we have more wisdom. Sex and marriage are not everything. We just have to make sure we are not acting like the world. (II Cor. 6:17). Remember Wandering, we have been redeemed from this. For the world sex may be the best thing they have. We have a greater hope! You have a greater future than to be united with a man who treats you bad. And because of your faith thankfully, you were able to get out of that painful relationship, where you were less (for just a moment) than God sees you as. Praise God!

    There are a lot of ladies going through the same things that you are, including myself. Please stay in touch. I really appreciate you. And I affirm how valuable you are to God and His kingdom. And those suicide thoughts, that’s just the world being broken off of you. Let God come in and give you new life as it passes away. If the thoughts are serious PLEASE get help. But many of us in the kingdom, married and single have times that we feel life is too hard to live. You are not alone. I know you will come out of this victorious, if you have not already.

    May I recommend you read through all of II Corinthians? I will read through it with you. I know you will be so blessed, and I will too. Anyone reading this post, please feel free to join us.

    Again thank you so much for trusting us with your heart,
    Much love in Christ,
    CadyB
20. irene on January 11th, 2009 1:35 pm
    

    I know actually what you are going through. I’m so tried of crying and being depressed. I’m 29 years old and I have never had a boyfriend. It seems that every guy i meet is only interested in one thing ( mostly unbelievers). It’s really hard to meet saved men my age. They are mostly married by my age. It seems the closer I inch towards thirty , my desire to be a wife and a mother is getting glimpser by the moment. The last guy i was involved with ( who claimed to be saved) only wanted to use me for sex and unfortunently i gave in ,but to only get hurt AGAIN. His ex -girlfriend moved in with him and he pretty much dumped me. The bad part is I found out I was pregnant when i had a miscarriage ( i didn’t even know i was pregnant). Of course , he didn’t believe me. Right now I’m on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds . I ‘ve even been hospitalized for depression. Right now I am tried and I’m now starting to believe that their no one out their for me because I’m so messed up in the head . Most importantly, I don’t trust God in this area of my life anymore. I feel completely hopeless.
21. Lou on January 25th, 2009 10:06 am
    

    I’m wondering what is felt about two parents trying to make a relationship work. Unmarried, have a child and one parent recently became saved. They dated less than a year, got pregnant and have been on and off for several years now. They are discussing the possibility of reuniting but I fear that now that one is a believer and one is not that it would be extremely difficult. However, they feel they need to marry to ‘fix’ the problems they have had over the years. It’s difficult to know what to do when a child is involved.. should it be handled the same or different as a couple dating who have no children together?

    Thank You.. Lou
22. Francis J. on February 16th, 2009 12:20 pm
    

    Hello everyone. I just wanted to leave a word of encouragement to those who find it hard wainting for the right person from God. I am 34 and single, I have seen Him work mightily in other areas of my life and simply know that somehow, some day, he will provide.

    I was once engaged to a girl who had some aspect of her character that were not compatible with a Christian lifestyle. I was aware of it but secretely wished that she would somehow change. I managed to convince myself that God has a plan for that, but I eventually came to face the truth and had to break up, leaving a lot of scars on both sides. I later realised that it is not honest to claim to love someone when you secretely wish them to change.

    If we’re not comfortable with someone’s faith, then maybe we shouldn’t start dating them in the first place or see them as a possible recipient of our love. I know it is a tough decision to make because most of us want to have someone on our side to share things with.

    If, as Kit is suggesting, we think it’s okay that they are not Christian, then maybe we seriously need to work on our own fruits of the Spirit. We don’t have to observe 2 Cor 6:14 because it will grant or maintain our salvation. We already received salvation by grace (Eph 2:8), but we must show ourselves worthy of it and demonstrate the fruit of salvation (James 2:17-18).

    Waiting upon God is a fruit of the Spirit. They say “the choices we make determine the people we become”. Who do you want to become?
23. Grace on February 22nd, 2009 11:56 am
    

    some christians have married unbelievers and they have gotten saved true some after a time of hardship and suffering but they got saved. I have a close friend who was a very committed christian she was looking for a partner inthe christian community although she is pretty and a nice person. the guys wouldnt even look her way becuse women are supposedly jezebel. but outside the church they are sleeping with unsaved girls. After pain and suffering in the church she met the nicest guy ever true they did sleep together but are now happily married and he comes to church as well. he takes care of her well. now if she had remained looking for a partner in church she would have still been single and alone. I know bcuz i’m in the same boat. I have had many opportunities to date non christians and have stayed committed this has got me nowwhere. I am 33 and if a meet a guy i like i will date him regardless of faith. Besides theres no difference in the behaviour of christians and non christians many beat their wives or have affairs.
24. Monica on March 5th, 2009 6:18 pm
    

    My name is monica and 20 years old and engaged. I was in storm for a while with my partner. We were fighting and arguing. Beacuse I was putting him first and not god, which was wrong. Things were really bad and i was feeling unloved and not cared for. I was getting bads thoughts in my head, I thought he was cheating on me and getting supions. It was getting too much. One of my christains friends help me to get right with god again. Now I put god first and then him things are looking up. I feel I don’t get as much thoughts now. I’m stonger with god then i ever been now i know i’m loved by god, because other humans will let you down but god won’t. I’m helping him who is god, but it’s quite had sometime because his got a stubborn spirit, he wants to know god then his dosn’t. I don’t what to do, I don’t he really love or just lusting. I need some advice. Thank you.
25. Julie on March 15th, 2009 1:57 pm
    

    P.S. Monica…as for knowing whether it’s love or lusting…how will you ever know unless you know that your man is willing to give his life to Christ? To live for him and not for self!
26. chrissy on March 29th, 2009 8:16 pm
    

    Hello all singles,
    Well I am 31 years old and a believer who has been through the hurdles. I do ask myself the question why am I so desparate to get too intimate and sometimes I am eager to start or give unsave men a chance in my life. However the Devil doesn’t care who we are and endeavour to destroy us but I thank God for persons who encourage me along the way. It is always imperative to share these issues with someone who can provide spiritual guidance through Christ to help lead us back on track. God doesn’t want us to go back to the beggarly elements for we are bought with a price and our temple belong to the holy ghost. Therefore in all fairness may the Lord help us to wait because his best is yet to come. I remember when i stepped out of God’s will for the sake of having a boyfriend who was not a christian oh i feel like i didn’t want to loose him and sexual encounter was done but eventually I had to cut loose because it throw me offguard and I was totally devasted but to God be the glory who helped me to recover. Although I feel as if I am struggling with the flesh I know that God’s grace is sufficent to keep me. Singles let us save yourselves from unnecessary pain which come from impatience and desparation to get intimate. Stand firm. May God ever keep us holy until He is ready to disclose our mate or bless us otherwise.
27. Tesia Edwards on April 15th, 2009 3:39 am
    

    Hey everyone.
    I am 18 years of age and i have recieved the gift of salvation god has certainly worked wonders in my life. I have had to push so many bad influences out of my life. there was so many friends that i had to push away. a true friend was always hard to come by, for me. i didnt know how to part the ones i had and the ones i wanted. But i did so i gave that problem up to god and he helped me through it to me friendship is gods gift of having good faith for he has a gift for each person touched. giving and giving is a rare friendship. But i have recently became hurt in a situation and i dont know how to react that well to it. everyone i know now these days gets lonely well i do, i started talking to this guy and this guy was a saved guy that professed his faith, i really started to like this guy but he says he likes me as a friend “right now” that it could be possibe on down the road but for me not to focus on what could be and focus on what is in the moment. I was fine with it until he started to date and spend his time with a unbeliever its not forbidden but god says we give guidance to them but not date them. how could he do that?? i dont understand how he can do that, how he can tell me he is not ready for a relationship but yet do that? If he just started giving his life with the lord. how could he do that? How could he do that to me? I need guidance because i dont understand!!
28. Ashley Grenier on April 24th, 2009 5:05 am
    

    RE: Rozetta

    Not all nonbelievers will try to take your virginity away.
    I am a virgin and girl i gotta say you seem like you ride your horse a little tooo high. YOu need to calm down there. You are no better than the unbeliever. God will look at you no different if you keep feeling as if you are better than them. If a man respects you it doesnt matter whether he believes or not.
29. James on April 24th, 2009 12:15 pm
    

    Some of the account I’ve seen on here make me come to the conclusion that many singles will be single all their lives being alone, because those that they seek in the church have selfish desires like money, sex and that they want it ALL. there are too many of these fake people! No wonder there are more divorces and less marriages, cohabiting couples, singles parents and so on. This nation and the world will have more single people who will all die alone
30. Jess on April 29th, 2009 10:08 am
    

    This is a really random thing to do, but I am a non-christian girl in a relationship with a christian boy that is starting to struggle with my lack of faith. I came to this place looking for some insight, and am a little upset with the lack of tolerance for, and the way non-christian people are referred too. I dont want to corrupt anyone, I dont want to interfere with anyones commitment to God, im just in love. We are in love. I dont feel mature enough to commit to a belief system at this point in my life. But i dont want to lose him, he has inspired me to change, to look at my life differently, to be better. Im struggling for an answer.
31. Ruiva on May 3rd, 2009 2:19 pm
    

    Dear Jess,
    I wouldn’t normally do this, but I find myself in a similar situation here. I wouldn’t necessarily call myself Non-Christian, but I sure know that’s how Christians see me. I believe in God but not in all the ceremonies and superficial traditions of any given church(of course I haven’t been to all churches, this is just a generalization).
    I’m finding myself possibly in love with a Christian guy and I’ve been thinking a lot for the last two weeks or so. I ask myself should I give in and go along with his beliefs and turn to Christianity? Or maybe I should try and explain him my views and see if he likes me enough to try and make this work as it is. I have many Christian friends and so far we have had no disagreements when it comes to relationships, they all see my point and even though they disagree nobody’s tried to change my mind. I find it interesting that people online seem much less open to Non-Christians than in real life. And also the word “unbeliever” seems a bit insulting since I’m very sure I do believe. It’s just that I’m disappointed in religion, God still remains great, grand and wonderful for me. I might believe in my heart more than I believe in the average pastor/minister or whatever you want to call them.
    I think you should just talk this through with your guy and see if you can reach a compromise. If you plan on staying with him you have to know there will be many more compromises and that’s what relationships are. Just ask yourself if you really love him, and then figure out how fare are you ready to go in a compromise. It doesn’t have to be difficult, all you two need is to talk this through and set boundaries, and maybe create a rule list. For you to respect his beliefs and for him to understand what you two have and what it means to him.
32. Pal on May 5th, 2009 8:13 pm
    

    Hello Jess,

    You’ve have a huge choice in front of you if you want to keep him. He will get more distant the longer you are together if you do not at. Yes, you’ll have to FIND your beliefs and ask him to help you find what YOU believe in. If they are compatible then you have a chance at a future. There is no such age where you need a “belief system”…You are always living what you believe even if you can’t verbalize it. If you want to keep him , you’d better find out what the heck you believe in and learn to communicate that to him.

    If you don’t, you won’t keep him. That is a fact in the long run. Don’t be put off by people’s insensitive wording, take the chicken if you will…

    These are not relative “belief systems” to anyone who lives in them…they are fact…as much as gravity is fact to the science-only types.
33. lydibaby on May 16th, 2009 1:02 pm
    

    hi i’m at a point in my life where i believe that i am in love with an unbeliever. its almost nine months since i’ve been seeing him and i haven’t seriously commited to him just yet (well at least not officialy) because i would love to commit to him but i know that according to the bible which i totally believe in speaks against it.
    i’ve tried on several occasions to end it but the only reason that i want to and have to is because of my beliefs. he respects me, i’m still pure and he respects that i am waiting until marriage. sad thing is we work together and its strenuous to stay separated when i call it off. i don’t function in church the way i used to because i feel guilty for breaking the unequally yoked rule. any advice or help is truely appreciated. if there is someone out there who has been in a similar situation please share!!!
34. Jessie on May 27th, 2009 2:00 pm
    

    hi lydi,

    yes, i’ve been in the same experience when i fell in love w/a great man and he mutually was in love w/me as well. … but he wasn’t christian. in the beginning i made it clear to him that i would “casually date” non-christians but would never be exclusive w/a non-believer b/c that wouldn’t support my faith. i thought by stating that i’d be able to guard my heart, but i could not. basically we weren’t technically boyfriend & girlfriend, but in every way we were, waves of tension and anger about the situation would visit both of us. it caused us much anguish. i battled w/christian mentors about what that part of the bible really did mean- …”do not be yoked w/unbelievers”. my wise mentors knew that to leave it had to be MY choice and that i had to seek God myself and let the Holy Spirit guide my heart and mind. spiritually it was very clear to me and i felt to continue would not be in gods will for me. it was very very painful and still hurts when i think about it. but my choice, to choose god’s guiding, has really brought me closer to god and i do not doubt my choice b/c rather than taking someone elses answer i personally sought god out myself and have been given true counsel from Him. this is more concrete and was needed in order for me to face the pain of my heart. also, if you are a christian and have a relationship w/god, it is most likely that you would resent the unbeliever in the relationship b/c he is not your spiritual “leader” in the house and cannot share in the MOST critical relationship, the most satisfying and life-giving relationship. and there would be alot more tension accumulating with not honoring gods commandments- love the lord your god w/all your heart, mind, soul. i know it’s hard but the longer you wait, the harder it will be. seek god and ask him to speak to your heart and mind regarding the issue. that way it will be undeniable to you. god bless you and may his strength sustain you. your sister in Christ,
    Jessie
35. Anonymous on June 3rd, 2009 7:38 pm
    

    As a non-Christian. I would like to say I am rather offended by some of presumptions written above.
    I am attracted to a Christian girl I know and fully respect all her decisions and lifestyle options. I lead my life to be as morally pure as possible, as this is what I feel to be the most important thing in life.
36. bozo on June 15th, 2009 2:14 am
    

    Hey, I need help!!! I’m in a relationship with an Agnostic. We have been together for 4 months. Prior to that I just ended a 2 1/2 year relationship with someone in September. Because of that breakup, I found myself back on track with my faith and loving God more than ever. He has blessed me in so many ways with that breakup. Anyway, the guy I’m dating now, was a very close friend of mine, and we were on our college newspaper together in Fall 2007-Fall 2008 while I was still with my other ex. I made it clear many times that I would only date believers but he still persisted, like on Valentines Day, he left a teddy bear and a bag of Hot Cheetos (my fave. junk food) on my door, and I called and asked if it was him, and he told me to go outside and he was there playing a song for me on his guitar, and that’s how the relationship began. I went in that relationship thinking maybe he can come to Christ someday but he would tell me that he doesn’t think he could. Then a few weeks ago when the California Supreme Court rejected gay marriage, he was super-pissed and we were on the phone talking about it then started talking about religion, and he told me that he could never EVER believe in God or become a Christian, and that if he would ever go back to a religion, it would be Catholicism, which he grew up with. It really upset me and made me cry, because it tears me apart that he is not willing to have a relationship with JESUS, the BEST thing that happened to us humans, and God and Jesus are SOOOOO important to me, and I want to share that with someone, and it kills me inside that I can’t share that with him. He grew up in a devoutly Catholic family, went to church and did all those traditions, but as a teen started experimenting with all these other religions. He was at one point a Christian and believed in God, but never really felt His presence so strayed away because he never really believed. Then he became a hardcore Atheist, and it was only recently he became Agnostic. He says that one of the biggest reasons he stopped believing is because of prejudice against homosexuals in the church and anyone who isn’t a Christian (which is true a lot of times, but true followers of God will love and not prejudice). He also doesn’t want to view the world in one way, and thinks Christianity will limit him to that. He is very respectful of different beliefs though, even more so than other Christians, which I love about him. However, he says that if faith makes you a better person, great, but it’s not for him or everyone. And he thinks love is the only thing that matters in a romantic relationship (but God IS love!) Since then, I’ve been so conflicted. The longer I stay, the more and harder the Holy Spirit pushes me to break up with him because I’m seriously falling away from God. I really want out because I was so much happier single and I was on fire for the Lord. Now I still go to church, college group, small group, but I’m now always so hesitant because of the hints being dropped to me that I need to call it off. But I have so many fears in my head. I’m afraid of deeply hurting him, especially because he is kinda emo with low self-esteem and has never had a girlfriend before, and he will hate God even more . We also have so much fun and good times together, and we talk and connect in so many ways, but the fact he doesn’t have Jesus kills me and puts a thick wall between us. Also, he is actually more selfless and sacrificial than most Christians, and has done so much for me… we drove all the way from Sacramento where we live to SF to see my best friend and we dropped her off 30 minutes away from SF, and he did ALL of the driving. He got us tickets to see All American Rejects, one of my fave. bands, when I found out they were coming to Sacramento and wanted to go. He treats me soooo well. He will do anything for me even if I don’t expect or want him to. I’m also afraid that my friends, his friends and family, will be angry at me, especially his best friend who is a Christian, but she tells me how I’m sooo lucky to have a loving, caring guy like him, and that she would date him if she was straight. I don’t know, I’m just so confused, conflicted, depressed about it lately…I’ve told 2 of my best friends and a few people at my small group but I feel like I’m all alone, no one to turn to in this situation…and I feel super selfish and that I’m treating him like shit and disposable because of it, but that is not the case… I care about him but I don’t know that this can go any longer… I still wanna be friends but I worry that he won’t want to…
37. Neil on June 29th, 2009 12:40 am
    

    It’s such a hard decision whether to date a non christian or not. Everyone on this blog has different opinions, depending on how much they’re in love or heartbroken or lonely etc. Especially when you desire a loving relationship.
    I resisted going out with a female friend of mine for 2 years (I’m christian, she’s not) but ended up dating and sleeping with her. We fell in love. It lasted 6 months then we broke up & it broke both our hearts. Thankfully, we are still friends.
    I ended up sleeping with an old friend of mine to try and heal the heartbreak. Stupid. Meanwhile, she hooked up with another guy for the same reason. It lasted a month.
    We didn’t have any contact for about 6 weeks until she asked me to look after her daughter for an hour or so. We had missed each other so much and ended up sleeping together again. Stupid again!
    Anyway, the feelings of heartbreak came flooding back. We love each other but aren’t willing to commit to each other, for a variety of reasons.
    She does drugs and drinks heavily, part of the reason I don’t want to commit fully to her. I wonder what I was doing dating her. Am I crazy? I feel like an idiot compromising my faith for the sake of falling in love with what I now believe was the wrong woman. I struggled with my faith/obedience to God while in this relationship and feel God has said to let her go to save my faith.
    I’m 47 years old, she’s 37. I just wanted to let people know that love problems strike no matter how young/old people are.
    Now I’m living day by day and letting the Lord heal my heart. I pray for her, her mum & her daughter that the Lord will call them to salvation. We will always be friends and I do hope that she will change one day. What a lesson, you’re never too old to learn something new.
    I won’t give up on love, I’m trying to walk closer to the Lord. He knows the desires of our hearts. Amen to that.
38. sue on July 20th, 2009 9:47 am
    

    i have just split with my fiance who i was with for coming up to a year. i first meet him when i got a new job and he was and still is on the same team, so we hooked up and i made it clear i cant be with a non~believer and that one day i wanted to marry and have kids (he has two sons from previous relationship). so anyway he came to church and it was all going brill, really thought i had found “the one”, he would join in at church etc and stop going out drinking and stuff and had never been so happy in the whole of his life (hes 30) he said that and his family and friend said the same. we did get intimate and i did start to fall away from God and alway have on my mind that i would go to hell but i knew we were getting married and it would all turn out ok, pushing everything to the back of my mind. we got engaged booked everything i even got my dress for next year, then all of a sudend he just got down finished it with me for a day we got back together. he also started crying when i was talking about jesus and what hhe did for us. he then still went to church but started going out again with his mate, which i have never stopped him doing. well he split again with me a month later for about a month this time.he stopped going church with me, at which point i was falling from God only had him on my mind all the time and that i needed to have sex with him to keep him, be more worldy. we got back together again and deep down i knew it was wrong then he split again yesterday as he dont love me, dont want kids and he dont believe. i now feel a fool to everyone. i love this person more then anyone, he was my best friend as well as my lover, but i feel God took him from me for a reason, and i need to put \god at the centre now and learn from what happened, one day he may come to know the lord. I feel so lonely now and all i want to do is to settle down and have a family to card for. with his kids i feel i lost a family as well as just him. i know it gonna be tough but i will find strength,

    if any body can help me out
    please post

    blessing

    sue
    xxx
39. Angelica on July 21st, 2009 8:49 pm
    

    Wow…. well when you are “dating” you don’t know ANYTHING about the other person and 9 times out of 10 (if you are in FACT a christian) and you tell that person your beliefs…. THAT IS missionary dating and that is what GOD and Christ told you to do. Don’t deny the fact that you’re a christian. If they bolt, then great. If they want to know more, then great. If they want to keep seeing you and they want to learn more about your faith, then what the harm are you doing? NOTHING! My experience is…. and I have been single for a VERY long time is that almost EVERY date for me is a missionary date. I tell them off the bat my beliefs. I let the holy spirit GUIDE the evening and even if NOTHING comes of it. YOU planted the seed. Christ is VERY appealing I have found. Christ in you is more powerful than any of the “easy” girls or guys that your date will EVER encounter. You should enjoy being single. ENJOY the missionary dating scene. It’s fun. It’s encouraging. You’re sharing your faith. And heck, us girls can get a possibly free dinner out of it wink Oh and by the way… nobody is perfect… not even christians. We all know that. Unbelievers like to point the finger and call us hypocrites if they know of any of our trespasses. You are just going to have to deal with that. But, God will use our mistakes to His advantage. Believe that. God makes a way. Let Him use you in your life. Every time you meet someone, say… God please use me. They’re expecting a date…. YOU are on a mission!!!
40. cdj on July 31st, 2009 12:44 am
    

    I have just recently experienced a similar situation with an unbeliever who I shared a mutual attraction with. Because of the strong EMOTIONS & FEELINGS we shared for each other almost instanteously and his willingess to attend church, even get baptized, I mistook the relationship to be from the Lord. After dating for several months even with his being consistent in church attendance I never saw a genuine interest in the Word of God or the things of God, just church attendance. The lesson I have learned in this situation is IF IT DOES NOT LINE UP WITH THE WORD OF GOD, it’s not God, no matter how strong the emotions. We may not always understand the tryings of our faith or the things that we feel or why we feel them, but we can be assured that God does not contradict his word. Feelings change, but the word of God does not. If he says “be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers”, you best believe it’s in your best interest to obey & not question. If we always have to have all our questions answered before we will trust & obey God, we can be certain that unnecessary heartache & pain will be our experience. Save yourself a broken heart & take God at his word; understanding he’s not trying to withhold anything from us. He really does know what’s best. In the end you will see that!
41. Emma on August 2nd, 2009 11:08 am
    

    I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for nearly three months now. When I first met up with him, and we realised we liked each other, I was incredibly unsure about it and told him I’d sworn never to date a non-Christian. Disregarding these feelings however, I am now in a relationship. While he has high morals, more than some Christian guys I know, and says that he will never push me in anyway or tell me to give up my beliefs, I now feel like I’ve betrayed God. In the pat few days, I had been trying to determine what I was allowed to do physically according to the Lord in my relationship- he (my bf) said he didn’t mind what- it was all up to me. I found all this information on ‘being unevenly yoked’ and now feel like I’ve decieved myself. I’ve been talking to my bf for the past two days about it, and it is causing me such heart ache and pain. He doesn’t believe in God, and says that when God does show up he’ll pay 110% attention, but until then he has better things to do. The fact is, he and God are the most special things in my life at the moment and to think that they are both so seperate is causing many tears on my part, and little understanding on his. He keeps telling me to stop stressing, and how much he loves me, and how he wants a steady relationship with me but he can’t gurantee that until i ’sort the religious side out’. I want to be friends with him still and don’t want him to hate me, and I still have massive feelings for him. I can’t bring myself to admit to him that I’m thinking of ending it. I don’t know how to end it and still remain friends and that is causing me massive pain. I know what I’m meant to do. I just don’t know how to do it without making us both incredibly depressed.
42. Karin Read on August 8th, 2009 5:45 am
    

    I just got done dating a catholic. He believed in the Trinity, etc. but when I asked him if he was going to heaven, he said, “I’m a good person.” Over the course of the 4 months we dated, sarcasm came up. I started the relationship telling him I did not believe in sex before marriage or in dating an unbeliever, but he said he believed. We started to slip towards sex, and I told him we needed to slow down. And there were actually many times that he was the one who stopped things because he didn’t want me to feel guilty. But the sarcasm kept coming up. Three times, almost once a month. And each time I told him he was mocking me. And it hurt real bad, because Jesus is my life, he’s helped me so much. How do you explain that to an unbeliever, how can they share that joy with you? They can’t. He said he was sorry for being cynical, but he couldn’t mock if he believed. I would always wonder if he was just going to church for me, and how would he raise our kids. He wouldn’t look forward to going to Bible studies with me! But I was hoping he’d be saved. Well, we broke up. He ain’t going to church anymore. He ain’t changed. But it showed me WHY God doesn’t want us to date them. They are a curse to us, and we are a curse to them, straight up! Now that it’s over, I can see how I became more concerned about him getting saved and all the while I lost my joyful contact with God. Oh, I knew His will was NOT for me to be unequally yoked, but I was hoping God would change him for me, because God knew how much I wanted it. I didn’t break it off, because I felt foolish knowing the other person wouldn’t understand. But I had to go through this to understand why God says what He says. Hope this helps someone.
43. lana on August 9th, 2009 6:02 pm
    

    Hi,

    Just want to share… My current bf used to be a non-believer. We were together for 6 mnths then we broke up because of our different beliefs. Somehow, God touched his heart and he now trusts the Lord and has become a christian. He converted because he truely believes God and God has been quite real in his life…

    I guess my relationship is one of the “rare” success case? I just wish to encourage u guys to pray for ur other half..that God will touch his or her heart.

    However, now, we are still facing some problems… He is struggling to curb his sexual needs because I don’t wish to do it before marriage. It’s so tiring, one problem after another.
44. Cj on August 16th, 2009 9:53 am
    

    I started liking this girl thats an athiest, she doesnt understand why i told her we couldnt be together. Ive tried to explain it to her but its just not working. She says that i should be with someone who makes me happy, which she does. Ah so much. I dont know how i can explain to her why i cant be with her. I need help and guidence..because i feel like im getting angry at God because its so unfair, and it hurts so much. I am extremely discouraged and frustrated. I know im not supposed to date an unbeliever, but i want to know why..because i dont fully understand why christians can not? I mean i know its not a good idea and there could be some major conflicts, but i am looking for a straight reason to why God doesnt want believers dating unbelievers?

    Thanks
45. Jodi on August 19th, 2009 6:32 pm
    

    Dear Lana,

    You are absolutely right. We can never give up or stop praying for our non beleiver family, friends, or signigicant others. Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice while we were still sinners. Prayer is one of the most powerful tools we have.

    I can understand the difficulties you are having with your bf sexually. This is a major change in lifestyle to what he has always known. Encourage him that the reward will be great, in your relationship and more importantly in his personal relationship with God.

    Pray that he keeps his eyes on Him, and his heart will remain pure.

    God Bless,

    Jodi
46. Daniel on August 20th, 2009 1:29 am
    

    Every Christian woman I have dated has forced me to have sexual relations with her. I’m afraid I have turned my back on God. Also they have all cheated on me or have cheated on their boyfriends with me. What am I to do? I keep praying but I think I’m ready to call it quits on God. I’ve been much happier before I turned to God. I’m tired of being judged by fellow Christians because I’m not good enough for you! You look and judge all the time, I hate it! Christians have hurt me more than any other “NONBELIEVER”, they accept me and take me in. Christians want me to hate myself before God will accept me, I call BS on that! Thanks for ruining my life and I’m certain there is no hell or heaven! FU!
47. Daniel on August 20th, 2009 1:33 am
    

    I thought unequally yoked was a king james version, which means god didnt write it or preach it, get a hold of yourself and stop lying to the people. God loves all, and he wants us all to be happy, whether we have the same beliefs or not. LOVE IS GOD, What gives you the right to judge. Lest not be hypocrites!
48. Jodi on August 24th, 2009 1:53 am
    

    Dear Daniel,

    You are clearly very angry. You have run into some people that were not a good representation of Christianity. Anyone who has judged you is going against a very basic Christian principal. The only question I have for you is, if you feel so betrayed by Christians than why did you decide to come to a Christian website? I am hoping that the answer is that in your heart God has touched you. You can feel this and you are yearning to be close to Him. But you are finding it hard to reconcile. He is speaking to you. You have been chosen, and yet the people that you think are supposed to be representing Him have fallen short. Daniel, please do not give up. God is so clearly trying to reach you. He is knocking on your door, louder than most. Find someone to talk to. Don’t leave it to chance. Look online, talk to people. He is call you home. Don’t miss His call.

    Jodi
    Christian singles Blog Moderator
49. stine on August 28th, 2009 8:40 pm
    

    Hi Daniel, it’s ok you don’t have to be angry anymore… some people who call themselves Christians are not really true Christians at all you don’t have to be affected by what they say to you… what’s important is you are right with GOD. And you will know in your spirit if you are because then you will have the peace that transcends all understanding. I’d like to be your friend and try to help you with your situation the best way I can. you can email me at stineyu@live.com GOD bless!
50. Melinda on August 29th, 2009 4:55 am
    

    Irene, this is for you.. I feel bad that I came up to this website a little bit too late. I hope you can read me right now… God loves you much more than you can ever think.. It’s never too late for God. your time is not God’s time. Remember the promise God made to abraham? he had kids very late. Another thing Not everyone borns to have a family there is a reason for that too. Don’t forget what happened to Job. Job said the Lord gives the Lord takes may the name of the Lord be glorified.
    He still praise God. No matter what happens You still not going to give up on your God. Please don’t think negative. This is exactly what the ennemy wants you to think. Repent on your thinking. Make a turn around with your faith. In your situation like that, if you keep up your faith by praising God Just like it is, there is a blessing in it. I will pray for you to keep your head up. NOTHING is impossible to God!!!!
51. Melinda on August 29th, 2009 5:02 am
    

    Dear Daniel
    Yes God wants us to be happy that is the reason you can NOT be with a person who is NOT a believer. This is for your own good. The unbeliever don’t see things the way you see them. Can’t talk the way you do, can’t think the way you do,therefore Can’t walk the way you walk. when there is a misunderstanding things can NOT work out.
    there will be confusion and NO peace. would you like to have drama all your life? No God calls you to have PEACE more abundantly.
52. MELISSA on September 13th, 2009 12:36 pm
    

    Reading thru all the blogs I have so much compassion for both sides of the relationship. I know I have to press on with Gods word, God says to not be yoked unevenly, hes trying to protect our hearts because hes our Father….
53. aliesha ritter on September 28th, 2009 9:04 pm
    

    hey. I wanna share something with everyone who ever dated an unbeliever. Think of them as someone who is on a mission to bring you down in faith. (But they are so sweet, they have good morals, hes a great cook!…etc..) no there are some great quolity’s yes but you will always be the one to mend and bend to there ways of life. God is someone who loves you much more than you could ever imagine. He has someone so perfect for you. You wouldn’t have to bend to their lifestyles. You and your soulmate would bend together! I have just gotten out of a ungodly relationship! and had problems letting that person go because i gave myself to him. It creates that attatchment..dont let yourself be hurt like this. Make the right descission so you dont have to go through the pain and the heartache like i did. But God knows whats best for you! so trust in him and he will show you!
54. Ashley on September 29th, 2009 5:15 pm
    

    I need advice:

    I’ve been with a wonderful man for 14 months. He is incredible.
    He prays to God and believes in Jesus, but he isn’t seeking God everyday. He doesn’t go to church very often. He is more moral and responsible than I am, which is an eye-opener.
    I guess I worry that because he isn’t trying to seek God everyday and be a “man after God’s heart” that we are not meant to be. I am a sinner and not perfect by any means, but I do want to seek God and grow closer to Him every day.
    I do have this idea in my head that I want him to change and become more of a seeker of the Lord. I wish he would have a loving, every day relationship with God.
    Does loving someone and being in a relationship with them, while hoping they draw closer to God than they already are, fall into the category of being not really loving?
    I just want God to be the foundation of our relationship and our lives, and right now we are each other’s foundation. I have just as much to work on as he does. But I worry that I have more of a thirst and awareness of the changes we need to make, whereas he’ll just go along with it for me.
    I need thoughts and advice so badly.
55. cherry on October 29th, 2009 11:18 pm
    

    yes well i’ve meet this guy he has all the characterstics of a christian guy but he is not saved…….he is willing to become a christian..we are not together but i was wondering if its ok to allow him to become a christian and when he is ready we can have a relationship of the sort
56. Danny on November 18th, 2009 3:26 am
    

    We need to read through the old testament and take note of the many times God spoke to Israel concerning relations with the people of pagan nations and their beliefs. In every instance, the children of Israel left God and began serving idols of the pagan nations. Samson too, is a good example of what can happen when we enter into relationships with unbelievers. In his case we see he lost what God had given him. Samson was brought to an open shame before the philistines. However, Samson did repent.

    Please let us not allow Satan to deceive and distract us from what God has for us. I speak from experience. Pray for that unsaved person before entering into a relationship that the may come to know Christ as their Savior. Put God first and allow Him to do the work.

    Our love must always be for God first. Remember Satan is very crafty and can present someone to you that seems so right. But,
    we must abide in God’s word so we will know what is from Satan and what is from God.

    Proverbs also gives great illustrations about relationships with immoral women and the bad results of messing with such women.
57. R.V on December 1st, 2009 12:12 am
    

    Hi, I was reading through the posts, and there’s one case that brought my attention of this girl “WANDERING” who wrote her story…and u know what I started crying, because it was like if it was me writing that, her story is so similar to mine, but in my case is a little worse because the guy I’m seeing has a girlfriend, and as for me, I’m involved in the worship at my church, which makes me feel so dirty and that I don’t deserve to be up there singing. All the plans I had seemed like they were just taken away from me, and all the dreams I had in the Lord seemed like they will never take place. I also don’t know what to do, I do need help, a lot, but just like Wandering, I just cant go up to my paster or my parents, because people will just judge me, and that won’t help at all. I want to get out of it already, but dont know how, I don’t want to lose the person or hurt him. I don’t know what to do, I need someone to help me and guide me, and not leave me if I get to break up with him, because is gonna hurt so so much, that I don’t think I will make it. I know I’ll wanna die, and that’s why I’ll need the strenght from someone and a lot of prayer…. I would love to be contacted through e-mail if someone would be willing to help me out. Thanks a lot!!
58. Xica on January 4th, 2010 5:19 am
    

    I find his article extremely prejudice. I can’t believe such a big emphasis is made on people who go to church and the ones that don’t. LOVE does not care about religion or ethnicity. LOVE is a feeling and it cannot be explained or forced upon anybody just because of religion???? really??? I have dated both church and non church men and they were both wonderful people and family oriented. There is no such thing as salvation because you attend church just be a good person without expecting anything. Just be a good person because you feel in your heart is the right thing to do. Just be a good person because it feels your day with joy and someone will smile. Just be happy and enjoy life being a good person and not because you are expecting paradise after you die.
59. Jennifer on January 4th, 2010 5:20 am
    

    How are we to know what is Gods plan and what is not? What if God puts someone who isnt a christian in our path on purpose?
    Sometimes I feel as if people caution against dating nonbelievers because they assume that they will be the one influenced and not the influencer. What if a person is strong in their faith?

    I have been dating someone who is jewish for over a year. He is a wonderful person. He completely accepts me for who I am and my beliefs (such as waiting til marraige, no drinking, drugs, etc). He even has gone on a missions trip with me. I can see someone who is yearning to make a difference in the world and wants to know the truth but (being in young and in college) just hasnt put in the effort yet and decided what he believes regarding jesus. I feel like it is truly a healthy relationship- he treats me like a princess and i have learned so much and gained such a positive view on relationship (i was very cynical and bitter before). I can talk to him about faith and deep topics. He is even going to read the case for christ soon.

    Should I stick with it? According to most people here, no good can come of a relationship with a nonbeliever.
60. Mark on January 7th, 2010 1:13 pm
    

    I am 54 now and wasted almost a year of my life dating an unbelieving woman. She totally deceived me initially, telling me she was a Christian. Then I discovered her idea of being a Christian and mine were two different ideals. She had no Christ relationship and desired none. She never ever read her bible… and only went to church a couple times with me. I really fell for her, but the Holy Spirit prompted me several times to get out of the relationship, but I kept thinking she would turn around. She didn’t and after months I realized I was losing my walk with Lord over this woman. Praise God I got out of that situation. I still pray for her and she calls occasionally, but I do not want to have any more to do with her. I was married for 24 years and knew my wife 30 years, before my divorce. I was devastated when my wife decided she wanted to “spread her wings” and live her own life. My ex-wife walked away from me and Christ and married an unbeliever, which is still difficult to fathom. I mean leave me if that is what you want, but leave the Lord? Anyway, it is difficult for me to meet Christian women and I pray God will bring a Godly woman into my life, however, I am content to stay single until His timing. Stay close to Lord and enjoy His joy while you wait. He will see us through all things. God Bless – Mark
61. April on January 9th, 2010 2:20 pm
    

    Jennifer,

    I’m having the same thoughts. I’m semi-involved with someone who is not of another faith, but has what are in my opinion agnostic views. Everyone says Christians should not date non-believers, but I too question whether God sometimes brings these type of people into our lives for a purpose. Its great that your guy is open to learning more about Jesus, I would say thats a good sign. I think this is something that alot of people struggle with, myself included. So just know that you are not alone. I wouldn’t jump into marriage or anything, but I would stay stick it out for awhile, pray, and see what happens. I’m sure some will disagree with me though.
62. S on January 22nd, 2010 8:49 pm
    

    Man I met a girl over the Christmas break. I was lonely and she was very persistent and beautiful. I knew enough about her to know that her way of life bothered me. But I felt VERY strong in God and felt like she would have no power over me. I was completely frigging wrong. I though we could just chill and nothing would happen. I fooled myself. Within a week I fell in love with her. The whole time I knew I couldn’t be with her so I was torn. I shouldn’t have got in the relationship in the first place… but I did. The moral of the story… don’t get involved with non Christians. Be patient. I know it’s hard. But it will be much harder to live with someone the rest of your life who you were never meant to be with. Straight up. I pray for everyone here. Stay strong. Blessings.
63. Justin on January 24th, 2010 1:44 am
    

    Mark, I sympathise with your situation. I too married someone who I believed was a Christian (as did everyone I knew). A few years into our marriage she gave up on God. Mid-last year, after 12 yrs married, she decided she’d had enough of me too.
    Recently I started dating a non-Christian and things moved very fast, in part because having been married there were some aspects of the relationship that I had really missed. God has drawn me to this site today to help me understand that the feelings I have for her are just lust, not love. It is going to be painful to split up, in part because it will hurt her. To those considering or in the early stages of a relationship with a non-Christian, it is better by far to save both of you the pain and not even start. God bless
64. tanGM on January 30th, 2010 12:32 pm
    

    I dated a non-christian girl for four years. She is of taoism/buddisht believe though she didnt really practice it. On and off she will tell me that she went to temple or something that has to do with her believes, just to see what reaction I would give on the matter. I felt miserable evertime this was brought up. I could feel that I walked further and futher away from God. I tried to talk about what God’s love is about but she doesn’t seem to accept it. I decided not to commit myself in this relationship and so the relationship ended. I was devastated and still feeling the pain. At time I was just wondering if I made the right decision. Loneliness grips my heart. I regetted so much now I didn’t consider the point of not dating someone that does not belong to the same faith.
65. Sama on February 27th, 2010 7:19 pm
    

    When reading this entry and most of the reactions on it, I kinda feel like I should say something, though I don’t know what. Some stories are totally heartbreaking while others just make my blood boil. I myself am agnostic, but was raised, according to the cultural standard where I live, a Catholic and, well, it kinda bothers me God, who loves all His children, would actually forbid people with a different view on religion to get together. Isn’t that like saying Brits can’t mary the French because their language is different?

    I understand that it can be really frustrating when the one you are talking to, whether this concerns a girl-/ boyfriend or anybody else, does not share your ideas on the matter. The thing is, the other one IS able to understand and respect your vision. Not every non-believer or whatever will tell you you are wrong, but ofcourse they too will be very frustrated when they feel you are actually just trying to convert them instead of really wanting a proper relationship.

    A lot of my Dutch friends have a grudge against Christians, sometimes even stating they hate them. When asking why, I always get the reply they do because ‘they are annoying, they always want to convert me’. They feel as if those Christians they have met (thus the ones that are very open about their believes and go from door to door to tell people that) wanted to force their believes onto them. ‘What for’ is the next question. ‘Why would they want to do this’. It’s… hard for people to understand their doorbell is being abused by people that would want to save their soul. To them it’s the same as having someone at the door that is selling mobile phones, telling everybody that you HAVE to HAVE this type because else you will become a social outcast and end up a very lonely (wo)man, eventually dying in some empty house, only to be found by some unfortunate passerby a couple of months later.

    Where I live, we too have newborn Christians, though I wouldn’t know where they are based at. Anyhow, one day in the summer, some lady came knocking on the door, said some words and gave me a folder. I was surprised to see it was an invitation to a come-together, some kind of open day, literally open to everyone. I really wanted to go because I thought it could be interesting, but my dad didn’t think high about it (and since I still don’t have a driver’s license (I’m 22, stupid detail, living in the middle of Europe in a country you don’t need a DL to proof you’re over 18 since you already have an ID), this meant no ride). What I’m saying is: I was interested. Not because someone had told me I would burn in hell if I wouldn’t go and put my trust into God, but because they gave me a choice. I could go, get back home and have a thought about it, at my own pace instead of nearly having to decide on the spot.

    So, to ‘believers’ dating ‘unbelievers’, the only thing I can say is: just ’show’ your love how much it means to you. Show him or her that, whatever you believe, it makes you happy. Try to respect eachothers differences. If the other really loves you, he or she will see what your faith means to you and maybe, just maybe, they will also want to be part of that part of your life. Just don’t force them. How would you feel if your date would force you to do something that is against everything you believe in?

    I know it is said in all languages you shouldn’t be ‘yoked together with unbelievers’, but somewhere along the lines, I just think it’s saddening. Why can you be unequally yoked with other believers, but not with anyone else?

    Ah well, let’s face it: you have to feel good about your relationship, both your relationship with God as the one you may have with your partner. If something is not feeling right and talking doesn’t help, then yes, something might be pretty wrong.

    This is just me trying to say something meaningful. (I’m probably failing horribly X’D.)
66. Rehema on April 8th, 2010 10:01 pm
    

    i come to this site seeking some anwers i have leant a lot.I met unsaved man last year in all human terms he looked like the answer to my prayers because i have been waiting on God for a partner. My biological clock is ticking very fast and i need to have a baby before its late.i gave in had sex with him .He seriouly want to get married.i want to settle down as well But i know in my heart it will be against God’s will,he says he is ready to get saved but i know he will be doing it for the wrong reasons which is to get married.
    I have tried severally to break the relationship, i have even stopped all communication now.I miss him and i hurt a lot.Am scared i might not meet a christian man soon enough to be able to start a family am not young.Please encouage me and pray for me too.
67. ML Noubeg on April 19th, 2010 2:13 pm
    

    I’m a born again Christian, i’m almost dating a religieous christian, i’m praying for him. He told me he is looking for a church, and is coming with me to church since a couple of monthsnow . I don’t know him well, but he wants to get married and me too, i’m 36, i ‘ve had two relationships with christians than did not work.

    i’ve some examples of christians girls bringing a man to The Lord and then mary Him.

    that is what i wish for this relationship, my heart is so involved. But i want Him to beleive first.

    I want to remain pure till mariage. how can i evangelise him?
    thank you for helping me.
68. SAndra on May 9th, 2010 8:42 pm
    

    Hi i just came and read this articles and been encourage!
    Im a christian for about 10 years now, Im 29 years old and i only had 1 boyfriend and he is unbeliever. I met him online chat, get a long together and meet up personally. I been so decieved by his looks and kindness, to the point that i almost forgot i am a christian, we commited sexual immorality and a like. THen later on god put in my heart that all this things are wrong and againt his will. i realize then that im already making him my idol, Idol to the point that i put him first in everything that i think i cant live without him.
    I also invited him to church and he said it is so loud there and not so comfortable, in that point holy spirit talk to me that he is not the right person. I really love him and so is he.. But god told me to let go on the things that hinders me to worship him. Later on i broke up with him and so sad that he never even know why i do that cause he never do anything wrong with me . ITs hard to explain to him that god told me so and he never understand. I really hurt him so bad but i obey god and after that god blessed me so much.. Now im leading small group of single ladies, youth and Kids (preteen), Serving at kids church and singing at worship. I never knew i will be in this position where i am now, Although i dont have any boyfriend now i am excited and trusting god that in my waiting he is bringing joy in my heart that i learn to be content in any circumtances…… ALL GIRLS THERE….IN your waiting=—-just do the things that god want you to do and eveyday he will surprise you little by little.. have courage

    thanks
    sandy
69. RY on June 19th, 2010 6:39 pm
    

    I tend to agree with most of what the author said. However, I think there is a pitfall. God never promised that we will all have a wife or a husband. People who advocate for this is mistaken and cannot support this with the Scriptures. I think the age of optimistic thinking of the 90’s and early 2000’s is gone, and we as people, need to be realistic. Thinkings like this just breed heartaches and disappointments. And especially as Christians, we need to be grounded in the truth, teach others the same, and not give false hopes. With that said, I just want to point out the mistaken belief here. The Bible does not say all Christians will be married. What we need to realize is that God chooses who He blesses, and he chooses who he bestows mercy on. (Romans This is what we need to learn. A relationship with God, That is the focus, marriage is just a fringe benefit.

    With that said, I think the problem is one of practicality, Our God is a practical God. Many Christians have a delusion of granduer. I am sure there is someone out there for you, but if you keep looking for Bathshebas, you might be passing alll the Ruths. Reassess your standards, focus on qualities that really matters for a long lasting relationship. Are you looking for a romance or a life partner? By the way, I am 32 and dating a Christian girl, who is smart, cute, attentive, considerate, faithful and fun. I been through many relationships, dated numerous girls who looks like cheerleaders. I went through the same thing as most Christians out there did, praying, fasting, seeking the Lord for a mate. Nothing. It was when I sit down and reassess my criteria that I realized I am focusing on the wrong qualties for a wife. Now, after changing my standards and focusing on qualities that matters, I found my present girlfriend, her being pretty is a plus too, but it was the lasting qualities that made this relationship great.

    Perhaps you been praying and asking, then God has been pointing, but you are just not looking at the same direction He is?
70. LL on July 19th, 2010 6:39 am
    

    Most of us who find the Lord next struggle with the flesh and singleness and think the void and need can be filled by another human being…WRONG! God will never put us through that and actually we are being mislead in what it means to ’seeking first the kingdom’ because our culture has dictated that we need someone to marry, especially since we are Christian…and that is WRONG teaching. God said ‘First seek the kingdom and all things will be added’. God has equipped His children with GIFTS AND TALENTS we are to develop and use for His kingdom. Marriage or finding a mate should NEVER be a BELIEVERS goal unless they are sooo out of control in the flesh that they just can’t control themselves. Then find someone and get married for it is better to marry, but you will have other challenges to overcome now with added pressures. I know that when I sought God to reveal my gifts and where He wants to use me to bring people to Him, ALL MY NEEDS WERE FILLED AND MY NEEDINESS VANISHED!!! God is a God of Power and Sound Mind and do not let our culture, or family or anyone dictate that a mere human being will be able to meet our fleshly needs. God has much bigger and higher plans and He has chosen to USE US to bring Glory to Himself. Think out of the box and conquer souls for His glory and ALL THINGS WILL BE ADDED TO YOU!!!
71. Cristina on August 5th, 2010 6:20 am
    

    I’m 17 years old girl and my Christian best friend asked me to pray for a boy that she thinks she loves.The boy is a Buddhist.I prayed for her and God told me to stop it.When I told this to them they started arguing and I did not have words to reply to them.Now the boy is ready to become a Christin because of her and my friend is asking what to say to him.What should I say ?
    I will be really grateful if you can answer me.I’m in a really depressed situation and there’s no one around to help me
    Thank you very much
72. desde on August 16th, 2010 3:57 am
    

    you guys are stupid to dump ur fiances because theyre non-xtians. they would love you more than anyone or thing because they dont have to love the xtian god. they would be better for the world and never ever EVER leave you for something so superficial. you deserve to be lonely and single if your gonna be so shallow and judgemental. enjoy being alone.

Feel free to leave a comment...