Christian Singles Dating Unbelievers
If you are one of the many Christian singles dating an unbeliever, save yourself additional troubles by getting out of the dating relationship as soon as possible.
At the very least, the vast majority of Christians who date unbelievers or unsaved singles experience loss of sexual purity, loss of fellowship with the Lord and other believers, and heartache.
Additionally, all throughout the Bible God warns us for our own protection not to partner (be unequally yoked) with unbelievers (ex.:2Cor 6:14). History is littered with the ruined lives of those who have failed to obey this command. If even Solomon, the wisest dude ever, screwed up in this area, why do Christians think they can love Jesus and maintain romantic relationships (dating, marriage) with unbelievers?
Because we were so interested in this topic, Christian Dating Service PLUS! did our own survey to find out why a Christian might consider dating an unbeliever or non-Christian.
Reasons Christians Give For Dating Unbelievers
“If I date them they may come to Christ.”
This old standby is known as Missionary Dating. The logic here is that the unbelieving single girl or single guy the Christian is dating may become saved through their witness. What fuels this popular rationalization is that in very rare instances, this actually does occur.
“My boyfriend (girlfriend) is more moral than other Christians I’ve dated.”
This sad commentary on the evangelical Christian church is in line with findings of Josh McDowell and George Barna that show there is no real difference in the sexual behaviour of Christians and unbelievers. For example, they find that 55% of Christian teens have sexual intercourse by the age of 18. We can only assume that this number rises as single Christians get older and have more opportunities.
“There are no available Christians in my church or area.”
We got this one alot. Either all the good Christian men or women are taken, or the only available single ones are geeks or whackos. I’m sure you’ve met a few of these, right?
Christians Struggling With Dating Unbelievers
If you are a single Christian struggling with this issue, take courage! We are certainly not judging anyone because most of us have already been through it. Listen, the Lord deeply loves you, but wants you to make decisions that will make Him proud and prosper you at the same time. So think about and pray over the following points before making any dating decisions in this area.
God Keeps His Promises
That means He will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches. (Phil. 4:19, Psalms 37:4). Surrender to Him as you wait expectantly on Him. You will not be disappointed, but remember he makes things all beautiful in His time, not yours. Can you handle that?
Why Settle for Second Best?
Yes, there are some nice people out in the world who are more moral and cuter than some Christians you know. So what? The fact is there are multiple thousands of godly, attractive and passionate Christian singles waiting on God for the same thing you are. Got faith?
Remember What God Says
Don’t mean to be preachy, but I tend to conveniently avoid those parts of the Bible that go against what I am planning to do. So before going headfirst into a pile of crap, check out these verses carefully: 1 Cor. 15:33, 2 Cor 6:14-16.
Have You Exhausted All Your Resources?
Many singles in the church who feel there is no other alternative to dating an unbeliever, may have not looked at other options of where Christian singles meet other singles.
If you are a Christian single who has further insights on dating unbelievers, please consider helping other singles by sharing your experiences.
Related Posts:
Fears That Keep Women and Men Single
I am a single Christian who struggles with the question of “all the good ones are taken” and desperate not to feel discouraged by that sentiment. Not to knock those who are “taken” but, if it were just about being “good” none of us could be “taken” much less saved. I too have struggled with sexual issues in my past before I got saved. I still struggle with it, but my perspective has transformed. It is a gift for my wife when not if I find her, or she finds me, or we find each other. So don’t let so-called moral high grounds discourage you either. We’re saved because we were all sinners; He died on the cross while we were yet sinners some of us “worse” than others, which makes our salvation all that much sweeter. Don’t let others pull you down or criticize you for it.
Dear Mike-
Thanks for your thoughtful comments on the Christian single life. Let me encourage you by saying all the good ones are definitely not taken. I know that because we get thousands of Christian singles on this site every week praying for the same thing you are.
And remember..you only need to “find” one of those good ones, and with the Lord on your side, it’s only a matter of time, my brother..
God bless,
David
hi, actually now i struggle with this problem. i’ve date with a non christian guy for almost 2 years. for sure, i hope he can become christian one day. But unfortunately, after 2 years he follow me to church, he told me that he hardly can’t accept christian. So, now i don’t know what to do? Wonder to break up with him but i can’t do so, cause i still very love him.And so do him.
and your words >>> Why Settle for Second Best? This remind me of what my church youth leader told me before. why choose the 2nd best but not the best?
i still very confusing, as i’m a easily cry girl.. Almost everytime i cry when think of this problem.
hope to hear from you soon.
if possible, hope we can contact through e-mail. thanks
God bless~
love, yvonne from Malaysia
I am 31 and have been praying unceasingly for God to provide a christian man to me. Recently I met a muslim man who seems to be everything I have ever prayed for except of cause he is muslim. should I establish a relationship with him or not. What would be the pitfalls of engaging in such a relationship.I just cant seem to find any christian guys around, I have waited, fasted prayed and with 32 peakin around the corner I’m just begining to lose faith in the whole waiting for the Lord game.
re: caroline
follow your heart. it’s the 22nd century; if the man loves you as much as you love him, why not? good luck
For all yyou people who are crying over where it my mate. Remember God is God and that he will come through for you you have to wait on him and be obedient. When I say He is God I am saying He can do anything He can change a sinner. But you must pray, trust and do what He tell us to in His Word. Stop dating the sinner and start praying for God will and no ours to be done. If the sinners in your life never come back and get saved they just were not the one for you and God has something so much better for you. You will be glad you didn’t end up with the people you are in the relationship with now. Trust God and take Him at His word.
Hi, I am a strong believer in God and I could think of no other place to be than in the arms of God!! In regard to dating an unbeliever I just recently let someone go on the basis of my belief. It didn’t even last a month. I knew from the start that dating an unbeliever wouldn’t work but I persisted with it anyway. I let him know from the start how strongly I felt about God. He didn’t mind but I had a bad feeling every time we met up. Instead of feeling happy to see him I felt dreadful. I hated feeling like that and friends said “give it three months”, “just see if it will work”. I tried to but they weren’t the ones having to deal with dating an unbeliever. I hate to say it but I seen his flaws as soon as he opened his mouth. He tried to take my virginity, but I knew better than that! If I had come this far without “knowing a man” then I could go a little longer!! He got upset but I already knew it was time for him to go and me to move on. What a ride of my life!! We go through things to experience as well as learn, and I learned there is no rush in trying to find the right one when God is trying to shape me and mold me into the woman he wants me to be. I am still pure and whole and waiting on that one man who will bring joy to my life. I am being very careful about the men that try to approach me!!!! Beware dating an unbeliever!!!
Rozetta:
Thanks for your comments. We are praying for you. dating an unbeliever rarely works out because “missionary dating” rarely works. Fact. Kit: That’s risky and wrong advice in my book, but I do understand Caroline’s situation. Thanks for your comments.
Hey guys,
I just broke up with my unbeliever fiance, yup, I was about to get married, but the first day at counseling the issue came up, I felt really bad because I love her so much,
but my love for God is stronger, even though i did wrong, i end up living with her for a while. got involve sexually we broke up couple of times and this time it was because of faith i felt I was being to strong with her
I pray for strength specially because we work together
thanks
Desejo manter correspondencia Biblica o que devo fazer? agradeço ajuda de vossa parte
In regard to dating unbelievers: Hey, my best friend, who is a girl, has been dating an unbeliever for almost a year now. I have always felt uneasy about it but have never truly voiced it. About 3 or 4 months after they started dating, she suddenly felt that God was telling her to leave him because he is not a Christian, and this was tearing her up, but then she suddenly had an “It’s what God wants” attitude and continued to see him. Do you think God would be selective like this? Like he would say “It’s ok for this person, but not for this person,” type of thing??? I am a guy and I used to have VERY strong feelings for her and she knows it, so I have always felt that if I brought it up, she would think I am just being selfish, and I even question myself if I am just being selfish and still want to be with her. Is it even my place to bring it up? I just want the best for her and fear for her giving into sin, and don’t want her to miss God’s plan for her life.
Any advice would be great.
Thank you so much! God bless!
Chris
Hey, this is Chris from the last post with an update. Well, I had been praying A LOT about my Christian best friend dating an unbeliever, and it turns out, she just broke up with him! She said she knew it wasn’t God’s plan for her to be unevenly yoked to an unbeliever.
That’s it
Take care
-C
I’m attracted to a non christian guy, who keeps on asking me out. We connect in so many levels - intellectually and emotionally. I think he might be the one for me. I’m thinking that God is working on his heart right now, and someday we will cross paths again. FOr now I have to settle for being friends (because he doesn’t know God), but once the timing is right, and God gives me the Go signal, then the rest is history.
You have to be weary. When people are in love or want somebody we can trick ourselves in to believing they are saved when there is no fruit. Ah! But we convince ourselves that the maggot ridden apples are good fruit - they are not. Be not deceived.
If we are seeking a relationship or are in a relationship with an unbeliever they often “get saved” just to stay with us. there motive for “coming to Christ” is not pure and is at its core selfish. The only answer is to get out of that relationship and flee from it.
Often we mistake God’s will for our will because it is convenient. Be not deceived.
Pray for that person but firstly you must break up with that person. Otherwise you fall under the worst sin of all - hypocrisy.
Its hard but God will heal your broken heart.
In regard to dating an unbeliever: I want tolet you all know that i got saved 10 years ago aged 17, but had been sexually active b4 that due to bein a young insecure sinner, anyway i met the ‘man of my dreams’ at aged 21, i believed he would be saved, but instead i ended up backsliding, 6 years later (last year) he finished with me, wow, completely broken hearted, but i always knew that we had no real spiritual connection, as he was dead to Christ, and i was dead to sin etc, i humbled myself, repented went back to church, and God forgave me, even blessed me by making me choir leader, blessed me in my uni studies with a first class honours, wow, God is so loving, i beg, pleease do not be foolish and think that they will be saved, ‘be not unequally yoked’ ‘darkness and light have no fellowship 2gether’. I pray for my ex now, and after a lot of sacrifice and tears, i am believing that Jehovah Jirah my provider, will work it all together for my own Good, i am on fire 4 Him again AMEN, its only a matter of time b4 im walking up the aisle to be joined together to a strong devil chasing, prayer warrior mighty man of valor, handsome, ha, amen all things are possible to him who believes, God is mighty and it is not good for a man to be alone, he designed eve for adam, and he will make a ay for me and you also..GOD BLESS!
second best? who is to say just because they are christian they will further your faith or make you happy. you could be weary because its good to share common interests, but to leave somebody purely on the reason that they share different spirtial beliefs to you is absurd. Jesus spent most of his time being around sinners. God may have placed your bf in your life to strength your faith. or like so many stories ive heard, to witness to them and their friends. if you are in a happy loving relationship with a non christians, if it works, then stay with them.
Born again Christians John3:3 says we are are born of God, so how can a child of God even think about dating any body that is not born again. Not only that God said in His holy word, 2 Corinthians 6:14, “BE NOT UNEQUALLY YOKED WITH UNBELIEVERS: 4 WHAT FELLOWSHIP DOES RIGHTEOUSNESS & INIQUITY? OR WHAT COMMUNION HATH LIGHT WITH DARKNESS” Don’t take this scripture out of context, it simply means “yoked with a DIFFERENT yoke” It not only is true spiritually, but even in regards to our future.