Christian Singles Secrets

79 Responses to “Christian Singles Secrets”

1. Christian Teens, Dating and Sex « Christian Singles Radio Blog » Blog Archive on September 16th, 2006 8:01 pm
   [...] If you are a Christian teen/Christian single girl or guy who doesn’t feel like speaking with someone, but would like to make a secret confession, or just write about how you feel, you can e-mail us on this site. [...]
2. liz on November 19th, 2006 12:05 pm
   

   i cheated on my first real boyfriend once when i was 17, then if i hadn’t learnt my lesson i had a secret relationship with my best friends former love interest for six months, in the several years that i’ve been dating, i feel like i’ve done such a bad thing that i’ll never find a true love after trying so hard..
3. David Butler on November 19th, 2006 3:06 pm
   

   Dear Liz:

   Thanks for `sharing your heart. Okay, you made some mistakes…Hey, we all have secret sins. The important thing to remember is that Jesus promises to forgive and cleanse us from all the crap. So….ask for help (1John 19), forget your past and expect great things from your Saviour. Okay?
4. Edwin Gomez Antony on February 27th, 2007 12:00 pm
   

   Dear Liz:
   The Holy Blood of Jesus Christ will cleanse all your past sins and mistakes. Jesus don’t care about it because He already paid for it in The Mount of Calvary. At once you accept Jesus Christ as your savior and master (John 1:12) you’re a child of God and you are eligible for all the blessings of Abraham. You will find your true love in your life and your life will be happier in Jesus Name. What you had to do is to confess Jesus as your savior and Master. Then the things will start to change. Be cheerful
5. L.J on March 10th, 2007 9:30 am
   

   Let me just begin by saying that I Love God so much that it hurts me that I hurt him with my sinful lust. I have tried everything possible to get rid of it but it always seems to take back over. I’m tired of it…What do i do? My friends have very well matured in their walk with Christ and I cannot imagine revealing something like this to them. I am so ashamed and Ii do not know what else to do…
6. S.B. on March 11th, 2007 10:18 pm
   

   Hello,

   I was browsing the Internet when I came across your website. Out of curiosity, I decided to look into it a little further. I checked it out, and, for the most part, I agree with what you have stated. The “Christian Singles” page addresses the ethical problems faced by people today & is a great help to any who would take Christianity seriously.
   The first subject that I decided to check out was pornography. This is a problem that I myself struggle with at times, but not like I used to. At the age of 25½, I let the burden of my sins be borne by someone else, as I could not do so before the judgment of God. Accepting Christ as the Savior of sinners was the one thing that I wish that I had done sooner. I am 35 years old now, and have been on my own for about 10 years. For 9½ of them, however, I have to admit that I have not always met the moral standards of the Christian life.

   This problem of porn hasn’t gone away entirely. There will always be the temptation to do the wrong thing. I think the best way for anyone to deal with this
   type of thing is to have accountability partner(s) with whom he can share ideas, problems, feelings, etc. There is one thing that I do know for sure; trying to deal with a problem alone is far more difficult than sharing your burden with someone. Thank you for your time and attention to this matter. Keep up the good work.
7. Rhonda on March 13th, 2007 4:18 pm
   

   S.B.,
   First of all, thank you for honestly sharing. I have dated men with similar issues to the one you are battling and I have had difficulty understanding. Second of all, I will pray for your deliverance. Third, I wanted to address a couple of your questions:

   1. Yes, I agree that men are stimulated by what they see and women are stimulated by movies, books, etc. However, I have noticed an alarming trend of the enemy’s to give women equal opportunity to become ensnared in the trap of pornography. Just look at any Abercrombie and Fitch store window or catalog or the Tag Body Spray commercial. The message the media is sending to women is is similar to the one it is sending to men. As Christians, we need to stand against this trend. We are in this world, but not of this world.

   2. Yes, attractive women know they are attractive. Actresses/models are getting paid to entice you to desire them and to entice women to want to be like them (desirable). However, I believe that many women are hurt by participating in these acts of enticement. God made us in His image. We are beautifully and wonderfully made. We were not meant to give away our sexuality to the masses. It is special and meant to be shared with our husband (God’s best for us) within HOLY matrimony (a covenant between a man, a woman, and GOD). Many women do not understand that sexuality is God-given and should be treated with great care and respect. Sex is a holy union… a gift from God. Too many people cheapen it and hurt themselves and others.

   May the Holy Spirit work wonders of healing within you,
   Rhonda
8. Christian on March 13th, 2007 9:29 pm
   

   I am writing to confess my sins per James 5:6. I am a Christian single. I have never been married. I practice and teach abstinence until marriage to teen girls. I had sex outside of marriage once when I was 22 years old, before I was saved, and have not done so again since–over 15 years ago. I dated occasionally after my conversion; however, shortly thereafter, it was like God all of a sudden placed an “A” for abstinent on my forehead and men stopped looking my way! Although, I am a gregarious person and I have a lot of friends and associates, I have not been on a date in years–literally since 1993!

   Lately, I have a longing to be married and intimate with my husband. I have never had such strong desires in this regard. I have always wanted to get married and have a family and have left it in God’s hands to work it out in His timing and in His way. I do not know if it is my biological clock or what, but lately my thought life has been bombarded with thoughts of being married and having sex with my husband. Please note that I avoid TV and movies with sexual content. And, this is what I am writing to confess–these thoughts which have also lead me to masturbate. And, I am very displeased with myself and embarrassed because I am typically very self-controlled; and, I know these thoughts/fantasies led me to such sin. In addition, to my confession to my sisters and brothers in Christ, I have confessed this to the Father and I ask for your prayers. Thank you for your ministry and I will pray for you all as well.
9. David Butler on March 25th, 2007 3:18 am
   

   Dear brothers and sisters:

   Thank you for your honest sharing…I could only wish there was this level of confessing and sharing in our churches…

   The bottom line here is that we are all sinners in need of a Saviour…As we pray for each other..His Pirit will work in our lives…Please be encouraged…

   David
10. Myles J Mueller on March 27th, 2007 8:53 am
    

    I have been dating the girl of my dreams for two years now. She has always had a strong belief in Christianity and I believe she is my soul mate. I have never loved anyone more and I need her more then ever in my life right now, with everything that is going on. She has always believed in passing on premarital sex. Such a belief was definitely difficult for me to come to agreement with, but I did, because I love her more than anything.

    We have been somewhat sexually active since we starting dating though, just no intercourse. I love her more than anything, and holding her in my arms at night is a feeling I have ever felt before. I have had sex before in a previous relationship and she knows that, but that doesn’t affect us.

    She is one of the best things in my life and when I have her in my arms, it feels so right. My mind and conscious can finally come to rest from everything. While she has been in Italy though, she has decided that our presexual acts can no longer go on. She say’s that she can no longer sleep in my bed because she would be too tempted with her desires.

    I don’t know if I can continue to date a girl that won’t sleep in my arms. This is something that I feel like I need and feel strongly about. I know she is my soul mate and the women I want to marry, but right know is not the time. I want to finish college and establish a steady job so that I can support a family with her before marriage. Never mind the fact that her father is so strict I can’t even imagine him saying yes. Don’t get me wrong, he likes me, I just feel that he has sheltered his children so much through life, and it’s tuff for me to picture him letting them go.

    So the final point of this is I really don’t think I can date a woman for the next two years, if she feels guilty about sleeping in the arms of the man she wants to spend the rest of her life with. That just doesn’t seem right to me. I have sacrificed premarital sex as long as a lot of other things for her love, but this just might be too much.
    (Besides the Christian answer that I am going to get, what do you think personally?)
11. Rebecca W on April 3rd, 2007 9:42 pm
    

    One thing I have struggled relenlessly with is the idea of forgiveness. Is it good enough to ask God’s forgiveness and forgiveness of the one who you commited sin with? Do we have to make public confession to everyone? It is extremely difficult to confess to people, because they will make an embarassment of you, and you lose so much, just because you want to have a clear conscious. I feel sometimes I have no place to turn, except to God’s throne. Is public confession for mere external exposure, or does it grant you a closer walk with the Lord. I would say, most people desire a closer walk with the Lord, but does not confessing it to others hinder your walk?
12. pauki on April 13th, 2007 6:40 am
    

    Hi pray for me I am saved and 36 yrs and caught up with an affiar with a married man .ps help me cleanse and pray for me
13. david on June 2nd, 2007 1:41 am
    

    hi my name is David I have been married 3 times my wife now doesn’t give me any sex because she had a total histerextomy and is left with a bllood clot in her left leg she her dr. cannot give her any medcatio for her sex drive. when i was single and lonely i looked at porn male and female i look at porn malle and female but i don’t want to tell my wife about male porn because she’ll think im gay. all i every waanted is to have a wife to have good sex wife with good sex with now i have this guilt about this gay stuff which i have to get off my chest. i look at other women but with not comment any more sins i can get rid of the guilt that i looked at male porn all i want is to have sex with my wife. she doesn’t even touch me im going crazy. i repented for my sins but the guilt is eating me up.

    David
14. hyacinth mcdonald on June 27th, 2007 9:43 am
    

    l need special prayer l have daughter is 3 l never married and l was rape by a married man who was negeria man l know santan want to destory my life but in the name of jesus l can rise now that marriage must come first and a family l want to meet that special person who beleive in marriage in God creation. please send me more information on christian single parent dating services
15. Amy on July 9th, 2007 8:15 pm
    

    Hi I admit I have sinned I’ve stolen, and tried to hurt my mom with a knife. I haven’t gone to confession, and all this happened years ago when I was in elementary school. Is confession necessary to be cleansed and saved from hell? I pray almost every day to be forgive for my past sins, I am even going to start praying the holy rosary, but I don’t have an actually rosary but I have a cross. Will that work? Please pray for me, and reply back to my message when you can. I appreciate it very much. Thank you and God Bless.
    From, Amy
16. David Butler on July 24th, 2007 12:48 am
    

    Dear Amy:
    Thanks for being so real and sharing. In 1 John 1:9, God’s word says: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” That’s it! For a further understanding of how to become a Christian and avoid hell, please see:
    http://christian-dating-service-plus.com/how-to-become-a-christian/
17. Anna on July 26th, 2007 3:18 pm
    

    I was with him for a year and a half. He looked at me as a spiritual rolemodel. We were such great Christians in the Lord together, or whatever you would call it. We started struggling a little bit physically for a while. we were ashamed and sorry so we refrained from doing ANYthing. It all sort of built up and one night, out of nowhere, we just had sex. It didnt feel wrong though. It felt romantic. So two days later we did it again…afterwards it felt more wrong than anything. I was so ashamed and sorry. He was even MORE ashamed and sorry. Eventually he broke up with me, apologizing all the while for taking something so special from me. He started cutting, I begged him to stop, and now he’s drinking. I feel like his drinking is my fault. He has gone so far off the deep end, and my worry and guilt are about to eat me alive. I found a random youth pastor on the internet to try to ask him for help, for counsel. He told me i had put nails in the coffin of my relationship with God, and that I was a terrible sinner.
18. David Butler on July 26th, 2007 4:13 pm
    

    My Dear Anna:

    First off, let me just say thank you for sharing your heart secret sins. We love you and are praying for your healing, as well as that of your friend. Now, let’s get some facts straight:

    1)You DON’T have to “put nails in the coffin of your relationship with God” because Jesus took enough nails for EVERY sin we all every committed. Instead, please claim the wonderful forgiveness as found in 1 John 1:9. After that, walk with your head held high, knowing that you are clean.

    2)You are NEVER responsible for another person who chooses to do something harmful to themselves.

    3)Note to readers: I say the following in love, and if I lose readers, so be it: That youth pastor is acting like a donkey (I believe the KJV word is ass), and needs to understand the nature of God’s mercy and love. In my view he is doing more harm to Christian teens than helping them. There! I said it, and it feels good!

    Anna-Keep in touch. Remember-confess your secret sins-accept forgiveness-walk uprightly in the joy of knowing your Jesus did it all for you.

    David

    PS: Here is a following resource for Christian Teens with secrets:
    http://christian-dating-service-plus.com/blog/christian-teens-dating-and-sex.html
19. A.B. on September 22nd, 2007 7:50 pm
    

    Brothers and Sisters in Christ, I’ve got save like at 14 or 15 years old and I lived a life that was pleasing in his sight to the best of my ability. When I went off to school all kinds of things went on that kind of strayed me away my first year. I met a guy on line who was like 17 years older than me and though I never met him I received his phone number and we talked every night. I do believe that is when the sexual sins begin in my mind. I am a virgin and will remain one until marriage, but the guilt of having these wrongful thoughts is just to much. I’ve asked God to forgive me time and time again and yet they somehow still come to my mind. This man use to tell me what he would do to me and how he would do it and that got in my spirit. Then I started watching all kinds of crazy movies and shows that had sexual impurities with males and females in them and then that got my mind rolling more. I’m 22, I have now stop watching things that will make my mind go to that, but lately it still does. At night, I can be thinking about having sex with my husband and then it will go to my boyfriend, then a girl, then back and forward. I love God with all that’s within me and now one knows about this and when i saw the sight and read the comments, I knew I had to finally tell someone and let this go. Because I don’t want to keep holding on to it. Please pray with me that the devil will be defeated and I will pass this test. Thank you soo much.
20. Jessica on October 3rd, 2007 1:49 am
    

    [This is a serious situation and it contains information that some might be disgusted with but it's all true and I would appreciate true advice on this because I can't really talk about this with anyone I know in person.

    Background info about me:
    I'm college aged, I've been a "serious" Christian for about 2 years but was "saved" about 5 years ago...I am closer to God now than I have ever been.

    Here's something I've been thinking about a lot, but praying about a little only b/c I don't really know what exactly I should pray about.

    So about 4 years ago, I was talking to a fellow Christian online who was in a Christian band as well. We'll call him Tom.
    We talked online for a long time, you know just casual stuff.
    Eventually, I started talking to the drummer in his band...we'll call him Bill.
    So Tom has a serious girlfriend but he casually asked me if I wanted to see a picture of his penis. So I casually say sure and for the past 4 years it was an on and off thing for us to talk..."dirty" to each other. I know, it's repulsive and honestly I thought I would NEVER tell anyone this. But there's a serious reason why I am.
    As I talked to Bill about 3 years ago, he had asked me the same thing and about 3 or 4 times our conversation took a turn in the same direction as Tom's. Again, I know this is gross.

    Well, 4 years ago, I had also started talking to another band member...we'll call him Gavin. Our conversations were completely opposite. They were wholesome and friendly and fun. I ended up becoming extremely close to Gavin but as best friends only. We told each other everything and he knows EVERYTHING about me but this one thing. Well I moved to the state he lives in, and not for any reason other than to hang out with everyone and what not. Gavin is still my best friend...but a few months ago I fell hard for him. I'm head over heels and we're so close, I expressed this to him.

    He told me that he wishes he was romantically interested b/c we are pretty much perfect for each other...so he doesn't want to say "no we can't be together." Well this is all fine and well now. At first I had trouble accepting this b/c I like him sooo much and as said before we're perfect for each other. But the Lord lifted nearly all my burdens and I feel more comfortable with the fact I'm not with him. However, since I'm holding onto this hope that one day we MIGHT be together (I'm not dwelling on it, but it IS still a possibility), I have been pondering about the lying vs. withholding information thing.

    Let's say he does become romantically interested...that would be awesome and we'd make a great couple. But this is something I could and would never tell him. I could never tell him that I had the most disgusting and repulsive conversations with his friends/bandmates. Never. Not ONLY b/c it would make ME look bad, but b/c he'd be incredibly crushed. So this is what I'm asking.

    Is it sinful for me to keep this information from him? It happened in the "past" and it won't ever happen again, I've learned from it, etc...But if we end up together would it be sinful for me to not tell him about it?

    What do you think? I am in desperate need of advice.

    Thanks so much.
21. David Butler on October 13th, 2007 8:37 pm
    

    I’m still stuck on the fact that is is a Christian band? Wow!

    Jessica:
    We all have sins in the past that we are embarrassed of. If it’s under the blood of Jesus and it has not affected your relationship, why bring up old bones?
22. divine on October 18th, 2007 7:54 am
    

    I am a thirty year old christian female virgin, who struggles with mind masturbation, and porn. I don’t know how it entered my life or remember when. I have been struggling with this for a long time. I don’t know what to do. Every day I struggle with feels that I want to be in a relationship, but God has not blessed me with that, and I think it is because of what I am doing in secret. Everyday it seems as though my body is on fire, if I hear or see anything that has to do with sex I become aroused at once. I don’t want to live this way anymore, I want to be able to be normal again, to get rid of these sexual desires, and images in my head. I also have a guy friend who I know is not a christian telling me it is okay to masturabate, I have also masturbated online with him talking in a certain way. He keeps telling me it is natural, but I feel so ashamed, dirty, and lonely. I do have a friend who is also a male who is a christian and very wise. I want to talk with him about what I am going through but I don’t want him to stop talking to me after he finds out. Please help I have been up all night crying and trying to find what to do.
23. Lauren on October 20th, 2007 6:35 pm
    

    Divine:

    The best way to feel pure is to speak to another Christian via phone or face to face, where you can actually hear a human voice. Fellowship with other believers is imperative to our walk with Christ! Pray for forgiveness and strength from God to help you make it through each day and ask Him to help you be more like Him. Also, admitting to God that you are struggling is ok! He knows we are imperfect and born in sin, but His ways are not ours. Pray for strength to confess your sin to your friend, and you can also pray that He gives your friend guiding and understanding of your problem. Having a sexual desire is not wrong, it is healthy, but you must remember that what you see and surround yourself with is what you will become. “Garbage in, garbage out.” If you are truly determined to rid yourself of your sexual desires, you must force yourself to be around things that are of God. Just try one day at a time. For example, tell yourself that for one hour of everyday you will not look, listen, or speak of sexual things…you can take your mind off of your desires by watching something (tv, movies,etc) that are of a pure a wholesome nature. It takes time, patience, and effort to change our ways. BUT the best part of it all is that Jesus has already taken away all of our sins. The bible says in Psalm 103:12 that “He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west”. Therefore do not be ashamed of your shortcomings, bc He does not expect perfection, all He asks is for us to have faith and put forth a true effort. I hope I have been helpful to you and know that regardless of your sins, in Jesus’s eyes you are a beautiful, innocent, and pure soul.
24. meagan on November 27th, 2007 6:32 am
    

    Well, I am a 20 year old who was raised in church and taught that sexual impurity and premarital sex is a sin. When I was 17 I had premarital sex for the first time and continued to until I was 19 years old. I have not had sex since then but I have struggled with habitual masturbation, porn addiction, and my boyfriend and I struggle as well. We have not had sex but we continually struggle and it has been hard to say no. I know God has something better planned for me and I know that this is not a way to live because I feel depressed when I struggle like this. I don’t know how to overcome it…and it is really starting to affect my life. Please pray for me.
25. steve on November 28th, 2007 8:53 am
    

    Hi, i thought i would give this ago and get this stuff off my chest. I am 20yrs old and i have believed in God most of my life. From the age 15 i have been addicted to masturbation and pornography and i have had sex with a few female partners over the years. At first it was fun and pleasing but now i feel empty and ashamed.I have stopped having sex but keep going back to the masturbation and porn and each time feel worse afterwards. I would just like some advice on the situation and prayer. thank you.
26. David Butler on December 2nd, 2007 4:29 pm
    

    Steve:

    Thanks for the honest sharing.God is looking at your heart, and you appear to want to do the right thing. Outside of God’s design, sex IS fun, but empty. But this struggle is life long, so get used to it. Realizing who you are in Jesus, and what He offers can go a long way. Also, why not form a men’s singles group centered on sexual temptation. Sharing with others is quite helpful. We are praying for you. Let us know how you are doing.
27. repentive sinner... on December 26th, 2007 4:06 am
    

    i have struggled with porn a lot recently… and Ii am trying to stop it all for good through the power of Christ… please pray for me and my sins.
28. David Butler on December 29th, 2007 4:34 am
    

    Thanks for your posting your secrets and we are praying for you…
29. Kenneth on January 14th, 2008 5:20 pm
    

    My problem is not one of an inability to confess or ask God’s forgiveness. My problem, rather, is that when I confessed my sins to the woman I love she has not been able to forgive me. I’ll start with the sins I have committed. I am a 24 year old male, I have always believed in God, and all the way from the time i was a child through high school I did everything I could to live a good and righteous life. I did not drink, smoke, have sexual relations, etc. But when I got to college my life changed, I went from a fairly consevative upbringing to one of the most liberal schools in the country 1000 miles from anyone I knew. I fell in with many unbelievers and over time i began to question my faith in God. I turned away from God’s will for 4 years, during that time engaging in many sins, but perhaps the worst being those of sexual immorality. I the age of 19 I began a 2.5 year relationship with a woman who did not believe in God, and I was eventually stripped of my moral beliefs. I questioned God’s existence and wondered why I even tried to live righteously. I rationalized it believing that I wasnt hurting anyone, that the decisions I made didnt affect anyone but me and her. We eventually began a sexual relationship outside of marriage and despite the tremendous guilt I felt at first I continued on and eventually the guilt gave way to just not caring anymore. By the time this relationship ended I was a shell of my former self and I began another relationship with an unbeliever. Again we engaged in sexual activity and more because of lust than love we began talking of marriage, then suddenly, everything in my life came crashing down. This girl left me without so much as a reason why and at the time I was lower than I had ever been. I contemplated why I should even go on living. I hated myself. And then almost as suddenly as everything came crashing down I got back up. See after a few months of severe depression I picked up a Bible and started reading it. I found comfort in the words about God’s forgiveness of even the most wretched sinners if they are willing to repent their sins and I began looking at life in a new perspective. i prayed for God’s forgiveness and started living my life in the way commanded by the Bible. Despite my renewal of faith however, I still carried the burdens of my past. That is where my current girlfriend comes in. She is a very religious person, a member of the Church of Christ raised on the Bible in a good home with a wonderful family. Her faith is exceeding abundant. I believe that everything in our relationship is right with God, and that God put her in my life to show me His true will. After dating only a short time I decided to be baptised for the remission of my sins and amazingly I no longer felt the burdens of my past suffocating me, for the first time in 4 years I felt that all was right in my life with God. I truly believe that God has forgiven me my past and I have been born again, much like the prodigal son I was lost, but now I have come back to God. Which brings me to last night. Up until then I had not fully shared the details of my past with my girfriend. I believe my reasoning behind this was that I was embarrassed of my past and the time had never seemed right. She knew that I had dated unbelievers in the past and she asked me a simple question, “How did you go from dating to me?” A simple question, but with a long and difficult answer. I decided the time was finally right to confess to her the iniquities of my past. Knowing that this would be a difficult topic to discuss I began by telling her how ashamed I am of my past, and how I am no longer the person that committed these actions. I told her that I believe that God has forgiven my for what I have done, and above all I believe that when I was baptized i believe that my soul was born again, and that even though the earthen vessel which carries me through this life was the same that committed these acts the soul that dwells within is a new person. When I finally told her of the sexual immorality that I had committed her reaction wsa somewhat a surprise to me. We had spoken many times about forgiving the sins of those who harm us and how we are to forgive 70×7 times those who do us wrong, and moreover how it is not our place to judge the wrongs of other people, for by doing so so will we be judged even worse by God. But when I told her what i had done, two years before we had even met none the less, she told me that she is not sure she will be able to forgive me for this. She said she believes that I am right with God, but she doesnt know if she can accept my sins. We ended the conversation promising to try to work through this difficult time together and after we finished our talk, knowing that there was no way i was going to sleep I spent the majority of the night praying for God to give us wisdom and if it is His will to let us overcome this obstacle. I love this girl with all of my earthly heart and I believe she is truly a blessing from God. I know times will be difficult but can you provide any advice and please keep us in your prayers? God bless you!
30. Ash on February 7th, 2008 9:24 pm
    

    My secret sin is I do not feel beautiful unless someone is looking at me sexually.I have done things sexually that are despicable just so others would think I was cool or different or to make them love me. I’m addicted to sexual things
31. Katie on February 10th, 2008 5:16 am
    

    I am a 24 year old single female. My secret sine is this: Our church is extremely strict, and I’ve been taught to keep myself pure until marriage. I have never had sex, but I struggle with habitual masturbation and reading erotic stories online. Every time it happens, I cry to God, ask for his forgiveness and try to cleanse myself, but I still feel unworthy. I keep on falling into the same trap over and over. I want to live a pure and holy life for Him. I am also at an age where I really want to get married and have a family but I have feelings that God is somehow punishing me for my actions. Please pray for me so I can overcome this and serve God with my entire being.
32. Steve on February 13th, 2008 7:20 am
    

    I am 46 and I have problems dealing with my temper especially when try to stop masturbating. Perhaps this is caused by guilt or being able to forgive my past. But I do desire to live a chaste life i.e. to overcome this habit and learn to live a more spiritual life.
33. A on March 3rd, 2008 9:58 am
    

    My secret post is that I ave a chronic problem with Masturbation over many years and it has gone too far masturbating with other people on camera for the last few months, i know it is wrong but i have fallen so far and trapped.
34. Damaged Goods on March 25th, 2008 2:00 am
    

    I am 15. I have been in the church since I was 3 with a foster family. I live with my dad now. I got saved last year. I am having a very hard struggle with homosexuality, bisexual how can I work that out with God? I also have a very hard struggle with sex how do I keep from having the encounters? I have always had a battle with drugs alcahol and nicotene addiction I have been doing well but how do I keep from submitting to the temptations?
35. john on March 25th, 2008 4:02 am
    

    I have been a christian all my life (25 now) and am ashamed that I gave in to both masturbation and oral sex before marriage as I always believed I would be pure unti marriage. I feel as if I have failed and have given away a treasure God had bestowed upon me to share with my furture wife. I appreciate your prayers.
36. Simon on April 3rd, 2008 10:45 am
    

    This is scary stuff. Are you sure that the USA is the nation that should be “leading” the world. Are you people actually normal? You really should travel a bit more and see what “normal” really means! This is religious fundamentalism at its most extreme. Nature is God and God is nature. Get real, embrace the environment not a symbolic figure that was created to control you. Please do feel free to contact me for further liberation :-).
37. Nathan on April 26th, 2008 5:55 am
    

    I have been dealing with a pornography/masturbation addiction for the past 9 years now. Used to be almost daily but with God’s help it’s gotten much better. Everytime I do it I feel like i’ve destroyed my relationionship with God. Why I keep doing it, I don’t know. I’m getting so tired of disappointing Him but I feel as if it will always be this way.
38. Kevin on May 18th, 2008 6:57 pm
    

    I am surprised by the level of honesty here. I have had many sexual problems in my life as well. I have been divorced and I believe the sole cause was because I wasn’t strong in staying away from porn and the shame I carried for having premarital sex with my wife. Sad to say, things are beyond repair with my ex, but I still hope for a meaningful relationship with a woman one day. I ask for prayer since I’m on a deployment right now that I find friends and people I can confide in to help me with my porn problems and the great loneliness I feel inside at not having a woman in my life. May I find peace in Jesus and learn to be content as a person. Please I ask lift me up for I fear falling back into old habits and the black hole in my soul. Thanks!
39. Nicole on May 27th, 2008 7:13 am
    

    I am heartbroken but just broke up with my unsaved boyfriend of 1 year. We had fallen in to sexual sin and also having intercourse in non-traditional ways and I also struggled with masturbation. I have repented and I know it is God’s will for me to live a pure life and marry a Godly man. Please pray for me to be strong and grow in the Lord during this difficult time.
40. David Butler on May 28th, 2008 2:42 am
    

    Dear Guys:

    We are praying for all of you right now. the Lord is going to honor your heart sharing, and remember it’s not where you are, but what direction you are not headed in.

    David
    http://oasis-church-nj.com/
41. Rebecca on May 28th, 2008 3:53 pm
    

    i am feeling heart-broken, after
    the break up of a relationship of over 5 months with a guy i really liked. what started off well turned physical and from then on the pain of sexual arousal became a reality that made me miserable and isolated as i struggled in masturbation and depression alone, with noone to open up to. now that the relationship is past i see how i missed out on a great period of my life. i’m struggling with lust, masturbation and regret. when i speak to old good friends, i feel miserable because we’re not all pure anymore and i can’t tell them about the utterly stupid and secret life i lived for that time. as i pursue restored fellowship with God, not shallow as before, i feel i don’t deserve it, because of my secret sins and insincerity that let me attend church and listen to christian music, while at the same time having an unwholesome relationship. i also feel bad for not breaking up before and also leading the guy into sin.
42. Dave on June 2nd, 2008 10:08 am
    

    My beatiful wife of 13 years died in my arms 3 months ago due to cancer. I was with her every step of the way and she died in my arms. We are both strong Christains and were faithful until “death due us part”. Yesterday, for the first time, a woman neighbor who is very attracted to me it seems came by the house now that I am single again and one thing led to another and we had sex. Even thought she is not married and techicnially I am no longer married either, I am feeling both sinful and betrayal. Sinful of course becasue I had sex outside of marriage, (which I know is wrong) and betrayal to my wife. What I need is to confess my sin of having sex outside of marriage, which is a no-no.
43. C.B on June 10th, 2008 11:02 pm
    

    Hi there,
    really need to confess this situation as I just feel that it’s such a hinderance to me and my relationship with my saviour.
    I’ve been a Christian for 10 years, I’m 26 years old, black woman from the UK. I am a virgin, and I’ve always been happy being a Christian and trying my best to serve God in spirit and in truth and to minister and encourage others in His Word.
    My situation is that I masturbate, I want to hate the sin, and I pray about it, and I’ve fasted about it, but I still end up doing it. I’m very distressed about this, because it’s something I long to be delivered from. I long to hate the sin, and cry once I’ve done it, but I know it’s a stronghold. Any prayers, or scriptures to guide me would be greatly appreciated.
44. Cherisse on June 14th, 2008 4:01 pm
    

    Please pray THat I submit to the will of GOd in my relationship. My boyfriend struggles with Lust, even thinking about romantic encounters with his past relationships.It is quite painful………
45. JC on June 27th, 2008 7:57 pm
    

    Hi, I am dating a man who was raised conservatively but shys away from total “bible thumping”. I am attracted to his morals, passion and expressiveness, and I don’t find myself attracted to guys from church because they often seem repressed or boring to me. He and I seem to have a number of things in common and have good chemistry. We both say we’re “not in a hurry”, and I’m praying that we will be able to wait for sex. That we can build a deep spiritual connection. I do know that passion and physical touch are things we both really need, and sex is an important, integral part of a healthy marriage. Christian marriages can sometimes end because they don’t talk about their sexual needs– could be because they were so repressed about expressing their needs and desires in a sensitive way.
    Please pray for God to shape our conversations and interactions in such a way that we will move simultaneously toward God and each other. I have a feeling he could be thinking “long-term”, even though we’ve only gone out a couple of times so far. The connection feels strong and we really enjoy each other. I get the feeling he would like to touch and explore more, as I believe he is motivated by wanting to please me, not just himself. Touch is definitely a love language for both of us. I just pray that he will be drawn to God through as many sources as possible in the coming weeks and months without him feeling like I just want to change him. I want him to feel this natural pull towards God and me, and have seeds of His love planted in his heart. His name is David.
46. Pat on June 30th, 2008 2:12 am
    

    Praying for you guys. Please return the favor.

    I’m in the ministry, and had spent years of faithful celibacy in very patient waiting for the right woman (now 34). However, the last 1.5 years or so - I just flat out rebelled. I was just mad at God’s inaction towards my desires and needs and basically knowlingly slipped into sin with porn. It crept it’s way in. Sports articles had links to booky websites, which had adds to laddie magazines, which had links to soft porn, which had links to uglier stuff. It took months, but I eventually (usually with a tone of - ahh, just want to see what kind of stuff people are getting hooked on) fell. Before I knew it, I was visiting those sites myself.

    Now, I’ve met her. She is worth every minute of the wait - and I’m so disapponted in myself for having given up the good fight just months before meeting her. When she entered my life, I snapped into shape and went months without even a desire to look at the wrong stuff.. But, I had a tough week, was stressed, and ended up binging on some porn. I’m in unbelief at my actions and losing faith in myself. I’m repentant but scared that my heart has become caloused. I know God can deliver me, and can allow me to be intimate and share my soul with her but I feel I’ve built a wall to hide the ugliness of my slip ups. I to feel washed in grace, need to be freed.
47. Oscar on July 9th, 2008 3:39 pm
    

    Hi,

    I am 27 years old, A born again Christian living in kenya.
    I have dated for 6 years a lady who loves THE LORD JESUS CHRIST SO MUCH. However, for that last one year, we have been caressing, kissing and exciting each other sexually. Last week we fell into sexual sin and in a span of a week we did it thrice. We repented of it in all the occassions but now we both need urgent prayer and help since i am not too sure if she visits my house we shall be safe. we dont want to engage in this sinful act again. please pray with us.
48. Danielle on July 18th, 2008 8:19 pm
    

    Several years ago I was struggling a LOT with sexual sin in relationships and masturbation and sexual fantasies, etc. but the Lord really delivered me (I was a christian through this time) and brought me to a place where I was only satisfied with Him and disgusted with the thought of my old sinful habits. I barely even had desire to do those things for the past 4 years since my deliverance. Sure, I fell occassionally, but few and far between and I repented and got right back up. But lately for the past 3 months I have been struggling with masturbation, sex fantasies, etc. to the point that it is almost addictive and difficult to control. I know that this is sin even in small amts. but I just feel like…powerless…even though I know the power of Christ lives in me. Every DAY I recite scripture and pray and repent and ask for the Holy Spirit’s empowerment..and say I will be obedient and that I need to deny myself this pleasure, but as soon as I feel the slightest bit of “turned on” (and sometimes this doesn’t even take me trying to get this way) I feel like I have to “take care of it”. HELP! I have been praying for my husband to come along for years, (I am almost 22) and I don’t wnat to marry just anyone, but someone who really loves the Lord and lives life centered on the gospel…when will I find him so I can give in to all these awful cravings? (although then it will be a HOLY craving Please pray for me and my freedom from bondage.
49. Fayre Pawson on August 1st, 2008 4:48 am
    

    Hi to all on this site, I am so thankful that I am not alone in the sins of the flesh and know how it feels we have let ourselves down and our Lord and Saviour. I know I have fallen so much from grace over these past few years, but I want to do what is right, but temptation is always there waiting!! Please pray for me as well, we are all in this together, and may I say what a wonderful ministry you have David.
50. Stephanie on September 23rd, 2008 1:28 am
    

    Hi, my boyfriend of four months recently broke up with about a month ago. I really thought that I was in love with him and we started to care for each other deeply for that short period of time. God has always been a strong part of my life. However, I think that I lost touch with God during this relationship. I ended up giving up my virginity to my ex and I have regretted it since then. My ex has recently moved on and is dating someone else. I know what I’m going through right now is a learning experience that God wants to me go through and grow from. How can I rebuild my relationship with God so He can help me to rebuild my life?
51. sharmin on September 25th, 2008 5:44 pm
    

    i think that it is very commendable what you guys have written. it is  source of encouragement to me. please note that i am not happy because you failed. but i am happy that even after you failed you arouse. i remember suffering with the problem of masturbation ever since i was a child (8-9). and i battled with it until i was about 18.and i must say that it was not easy. there were days when i felt so guilty that i couldn’t stand myself. the truth is that we can overcome masturbation when we feed our minds with healthy things. i used to feed my mind with porn even as a young child. i want to say to ever one with this problem that you can’t rely on yourself to fix it you need God to help you. the truth is that i tried to fix it on my own many times but i only made it worst. trust in God He was able to help me overcome it and if i remember correctly He is still in the deliverance business.
52. Liz on October 7th, 2008 8:52 pm
    

    I am a 19 year old girl whose faith is the most important thing in my life. However, the sin of masturbation has had a hold on me for a long time. It has come and gone, but I really desperately want to be free of it. I don’t have anyone in this new city that keeps me accountable for anything and it feels like I am alone in fighting this, especially since I am a girl and girls aren’t supposed to struggle with this. I want to stop. I want God’s love to be enough to make me stop, but I keep coming back to this.
53. Fred on October 23rd, 2008 1:24 am
    

    Dear all who are suffering various kinds of sexual sins,

    I know a web site dedicated to people like us:

    http://www.settingcaptivesfree.com/home/

    They offer a 90 day Bible study for people to get freed from sexual sins and bondage. I personally have done the study and I’d highly recommend every Christian to try it out.

    God bless.
54. Uri on October 30th, 2008 11:21 pm
    

    My wife has recently as yesterday divorced me she is a believer it si part of her healing, it is un unusual circumstances as we do see each other and only 3 days ago spent a night together, we are both very compatible sexually so it is difficult for us to resist the temptation.

    I will continue to wait and pray that one day she is ready to have a relationship and I will be the one she would contact

    We are now committed not to do this and if we ever get together in future it will be based on God’s principles.

    During our final stage of separation when my wife applied for divorce I have started to look at the future relationships to see if my heart is willing to look at any one else, this has led me to a webcam sites for casual relationship where my hormones kicked in and I had un pure desires to satisfy my needs with who ever was willing on the webcam chat line, fortunately Holy Spirit has convicted me and now I have a 1TH: 4:3-9 printed in front of my computer to remained me God’s way.

    Please pray for us both thank you

    Uri & Victoria
55. fiona on November 26th, 2008 5:02 pm
    

    my boyfriend & i have been dating for 5 years.He asked me if I could strip. He dint force me. I want to know whether strippin is a sin?
56. terece on December 11th, 2008 3:33 am
    

    Thank you all for your encouragement and willingness to read along in this confession. Every time I enter into a relationship with a possibility of marriage, I give into sexual desires. I do this to release lust, to enter intimacy and produce a sense of security. I also choose sin this way because I am a pleaser and a giver to a fault and this trait goes no more clearly awry than in relationships. I want to love The Lord, I don’t want to grieve Him or our relationship. Therefore, I confess that I am in sin. I also confess with a great deal of remorse and frustration that I have not had the will power to stop. I fall short, please pray with me to turn this around.
    I also struggle with this as it appears to be a catch 22. Is it true prayers for strength can’t pass the ceiling when I am in sin, only when I have turned from and against them? When I was abstaining I felt worse physically (the wanting for touch), emotionally (pushing boyfriends away ‘withholding’) and spiritually ( Please God, are you listening really listening?) than I do now sinning. Thanks for the encouragement to be transparent and hopeful. T
57. Sarah on December 14th, 2008 2:46 am
    

    Hi…I am a 24 year old Christian. I am a virgin, but have always, even since childhood struggled with having sexual thoughts, viewing ponography, etc. Now I struggle with masturbation and with viewing porn. Recently I became “friends with benefits” with a guy I know. We haven’t had intercourse, but we have done everything else…and it is possible that we may be having sex in the near future. I know that I can get myself out of this, but I don’t. Its like I want to do this, but I don’t want to want to??? I have never justified myself in what I am doing. I know it is not good for me, or for the guy - who is not a Christian and does not know that I am. But I still want to do this. I can’t help myself. I keep thinking, well what if I never marry? Then I would still want to know what sex is like…I live in Newfoundland and there are hardly any Christians here, let alone people I could speak to about this. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know what the consequences will be in the end…I could really use advice and prayer.
58. anonymous on December 20th, 2008 7:19 am
    

    I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. We have spent some what of that time in a long distance relationship, however, the last three months we have been re-united, the distance and the love led to pre-marital sex, i am ashamed and embarrassed of what I have done.

    Recently my period was late and i confessed to my mum that i wasn’t a virgin and she freaked, we also thought that i may have been pregnant and i was extremely stressed, thankfully i wasn’t.

    Recently i told my boyfriend that i regretted what i had done and the whole situation. Mum doesn’t trust me the same and what i want is to be married so that we can be together in a loving way and to avoid the temptation that we have been struggling with already. he has told me that he want’s to get married and I believed him, his parents don’t agree with getting married young as we are both 20, and i’d like to get married at 21 0r 22 and abstain until marriage.

    I feel as though if I don’t get some sort of idea of when he wants to get married we will be in this un-pure relationship and end up in the same situation again, I don’t want that to happen. I am also scared as I feel as though he is making excuses, hiding behind his parents and I dont know what to do anymore, I am scared about sinning again and I fear that he doesn’t want to marry me, and all my wrong doing is leading to punishment and the ruining of my life. what an I meant to say in this situation to him. Would god punish me for my sin? Am I meant to be struggling and stressed all the time, I have been so un-easy that I’ve been dry-reaching and anxious all the time, how does this end? What do I do?
59. Jesse on December 20th, 2008 8:40 pm
    

    Dear sister:
    Thank you for sharing your heart with us. We have prayed for you in this situation. Please know, if you confess your sin to Jesus, He has forgiven you. He has already borne the punishment for this sin. You will need to decide what you will do next. God created sex to be enjoyed in the context of marriage so it can be the beautiful experience he designed without all the stress caused by doing it outside of his guidelines. Please don’t surrender this precious part of yourself to some one who has not taken the step of committing himself to you in marriage. God loves you so much, ask him to lead you to the man he has created to be with you. His choice for you will be beautiful and as you follow his will, he will give you his peace.
60. HOPE DEFERRED on December 22nd, 2008 11:01 pm
    

    I have just browsing the internet when I came across this website and have read a lot of stories about abstinence until marriage and I just wanted to share my story. I became a Christian when I was 30 and had previous relationships until then. When I gave my life to the Lord I did not have a relationship until I met my Christian husband. We fell in love, talked about having children, both attended fellowship weekly and were BOTH full on for God. We got married and it was not even 3 months after we were married he told me he did not want to have children with me, and he would also withhold from me sexually, physically and emotionally.

    This caused terrible STRIFE in our marriage. After nearly 10 years he finally left and moved overseas and now has a new wife. I however have been left heartbroken, with no children, no family (which was the desire of my heart), and left to sell the matrimonial home and all our possessions. Now I am very lonely and yearn for a partner in every way. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick”. I know that abstinence before marriage and to marry a christian partner, equally yoked is God’s way but it certainly did not work for me !!!!!!
61. C.D. on December 31st, 2008 4:51 pm
    

    I thank God for the opportunity to read the posts made by all those struggling with sexual sin like myself. I too was exposed to sexual immorality at a very young age and it has continued into my adulthood. I have two children and recently my nine-year old daughter was discovered visiting porn sites. It broke my heart and has left me spiritually depleted to know that the sins that I have committed and continue to commit have reached into my daughter’s life.

    I have stopped looking at porn via websites but I continue to masturbate as I am desperate to have a husband to relieve the lust that I feel. I have not dated since breaking up my childrens’ father two years ago and I don’t believe that I am entirely ready to. I have been fantasizing about a man I worked with that I had a crush on about five years ago I would like to end this hopelessness and destructive cycle of sin and guilt. It has reached into my child’s life and I want it destroyed.

    I know that God forgives every sin and every sinner. He lifted me up from a hopeless and pitiful state two years ago and has proven His faithfulness since, but I have failed so many times that coming to Him….I feel too ashamed and a hopeless case. I have joined a church but I have not been attending because I feel disconnected and lost in such a huge church (a mega church). My mother’s church is much smaller and intimate but I do not feel at home there either.

    Please pray for my deliverance in this and please pray for my children. The computer has been moved in an open area of the home and I monitor all that she views and everything on television, but the damage has been done and it is very painful to know that her innocent eyes have engaged in this type of sin. I dont want her view of sex to be completely abnormal like mine was! Please pray for us!
62. Kenneth on February 24th, 2009 9:18 am
    

    Hi, just wanna say been struggling recently with sexual sins like pornography and mastubation against myself. and I been really trying to discipline myself in this areas, by blocking out certain content on the internet, somehow, I just need more prayers to completely block out this sin of my, I wnana be pure for my future spouse and to God to. pls pray for me
63. Rather not say on March 5th, 2009 8:15 pm
    

    Thank you for making this available.

    I started spending time with a christian man at the end of 2007. At the time I was not saved… I surrendered my life to christ and accepted Him as Lord shortly after I met Him.

    This man lead me to Christ… in the midst of all of this we enganged in sexual acitivy for a short time after but we knew we had to stop… He was teaching the Word and I joined his bible study class. The holy spirit convicted me and as a result I have not engage in any sexual activity… but I struggle in my thought life, I frequently have thoughts about this person… I cry, pray, it grieves my heart to know that I am having these sexual thoughts and God knows my thoughts. I know God will deliver me from this… I have stopped communicating with this person, because now sometimes even hearing his voice triggers all these images and thoughts in my mind… I still desire him phisically and he is my brother in Christ! Please pray for me… My heart is broken for many reasons about this situation, I know God loves me no matter what I don’t feel like I am in the right place to date until my thought life is free and I can know myself better in the Lord.
64. Jerry on March 28th, 2009 12:54 am
    

    I am a young christian and was disconnected for a long period from church coz the country where I live now,people doesn’t mind at all about going to church but I still believe and know the gospel and enjoy myself sometimes with gospel music.I have my girlfriend and we handle a year relationship and we’ve decided to live together and we did without marriage but Now I keep in touch about the Bible’s requirement but I’m struggling about sex,cause she is not a christian and I’m running off a bad financial period and she does all for me and now I feel very bad when I have sex,and I want you to pray for me,in ordre that I can get marry as soon as possible,and I’d like that my fiancee knows about the words.Please I need your prayer
65. PS on April 7th, 2009 11:56 pm
    

    I am a born-again Christian who has struggled with masturbation since I was very young, at least 6 or 7 seven years old. When I discovered that it was wrong for me to put so much energy into fulfilling a sexual desire that God had intended to be shared between a man and woman, I became ashamed, and asked him for forgiveness. I have done so several times, and I am now at the point of despair where I honestly don’t know if I will ever get over this problem. Furthermore, I feel as if a man will never want to love me or marry me if he knew about this struggle…Right now I am just trying to hold on to the knowledge that Christ will help me, but I’ve messed up and repented so many times that sometimes I wonder if he won’t just give up on me.
66. Scott on April 11th, 2009 6:08 am
    

    i am a Christian man and i have been thru what most of you have been going thru all the sexual issues, having a serious relationship with a non believer which ended up in broken hearts all around NOT GOOD! i am 41 now still single backsliden but coming back to the Lord. all i can say at this point is this, life is short and we are all gonna die, or the rapture, so hey if i never get married or have kids that’s just what it is gonna be, look i could never even say that 10 yrs ago, but with time i realize hey in a few decade i will be dead anyways and in a million years from I will be on the golden streets i will not be trippin on these earthly issues. the lord say seek the kingdom first and all these things shall be added unto me. I hope to be married don’t get me wrong but, i just want true peace, joy and contentment on the real not just words! i have had many sexual adventures with men and women yes i have been crazy ; ) but i always ends up in feeling worse in the end! like i said i just want to have peace that passes all understanding thats my prayer at this point. i think in my case i just needed to mature i have had a chance with a girl who wanted to be my wife and she was cute and a christian but I blew her out, because i just not focused on the kingdom and just get caught up in the worldly lifestyle. You see my born again Christian friends when you are truly a child of the king, you can try to run away, you can try to do this life your own way and the Lord will let you be disobedient he will let you do your own thing, but because your his child he will get your attention thru circumstances and you will find yourself like me broken and on your knees asking for forgiveness, that’s the deal when you ask Christ in your heart and mean it! it is a relationship. so at this point we must wait on the Lord and seek the kingdom first! peace out brothers and sisters!

    S
67. eve on April 17th, 2009 9:22 am
    

    hello everyone! I am 30yrs old and a born again christian.. i never had sex ..a virgin technically but that does not mean i never had experience with the opposite sex….i am not into weird stuff,just an ordinary average girl. Of course,like everyone else here, I also want to be closed to someone physically but sad to say i have not meet him so what i do is go out with friends, study spanish but its too hard..haha…cook and massage.hehe….anything to occupy my time and stop thinking about sex….so far its working but still it does not stop me from feeling lonely…what keeps me going is i know that one day i will meet the one from god…good luck to all us.
68. Wayne on May 27th, 2009 10:47 pm
    

    I have a confession lusting is really a bad sin for me. I keep getting nasty pics and vids and I want to delete them but yet i find myself staring and when im done then I delete them… I had a vid and i deleted it and now i just think about it… I dont know what to do I want to stop lusting and what not I mean women are beautiful I know and its not my place to lust after them I need help please
69. L on June 11th, 2009 12:46 pm
    

    My ex boyfriend has a secret and im the only one who knows about it, and i guess in a way it hurt me emotionally and it burdened. i recently shared the secret to my brother… is this a sin? im not sure if i should feel guilty for it
70. BS on June 16th, 2009 3:00 pm
    

    Well, I am a youth leader serving in church and i totally agree with what the Bible says about not being equally yoked with non-Christians. As such, I do advocate that. But honestly, I struggle with it because of my few brushes with attraction to the opposite sex and a few of whom are non-christians. it feels like i am being hypocritical and am not really convicted about 2 Cor 6:14. sometimes i even wished that i wasnt a Christian or otherwise I think God will not really grant me this desire that I have or maybe i just have an issue.

    recently, i became rather emotionally involved with one of my non-christian guy friend. i like him because he seems to be the kind of guy who is able to make me laugh and we click rather well. i know i am treading on thin ice… and while i can see all the reasons why i shouldnt be with him: he claims to be a christian and yet he smokes and swears…. i still am attracted to him. maybe this is lust? and yet i dont want to lose him as a friend and i do wish i can convey the Christian beliefs about dating non-christians and purity in relationship… i find myself failing.

    and on the other hand, i know God has provided me with the kind of decent Christian guy I should be with, but I just seem so resistant to it for all the superficial reasons: that I think he doesnt have the kind of personality that i hope for- funny, good sense of humor, much less humor me. my Christian friends feel that he is a good guy as well.

    i am conflicted. and i just feel i need God’s direction and forgiveness for all my selfishness and sins.
71. David on July 17th, 2009 12:40 am
    

    Hello brothers and sisters! I’ve already confessed my sins to the LORD, and I’ve also tried to repent many times, but many times have I’ve fallen back into these sins. Porn, sexual images, lust, and masturbation. I had given my life to God at the age of 16, and everything was great. But then, I met a my first girlfriend from back in the 6th grade, and I fell deeply in love with her. I loved and respected her so much that I didn’t think of ever having sex with her. But, she brought the topic up on the phone one day, and it made me nervous but shamefully turned on. So I ended up having sex with her a week or two after the conversation. I felt horrible, destroyed. But after that first time, we did it many many times. We stayed together 2 and a half years, and we even have twin daughters. We broke up just about a month and a half ago, and I had rededicated my life to Jesus Christ, but the sexual thoughts with her are still there. Almost everyday I battle with these thoughts, and some days, I even masturbate. I feel so awful about this, Sometimes, I’ll even visit porn websites to look at a male and female engaging in sex. I’ve spent many days in prayer, and I’ve even went on a 3 day fast to try to overcome this problem with lust and sexual desire. I need everyone’s prayer, I don’t want to mess up anymore. I’m supposed to be a new creature in Christ, please everyone, pray for me. May God bless you all and may his mercy always be upon us.
72. aubree on August 3rd, 2009 9:02 am
    

    I am 33 yrs old now and for as long as I can remember, i have had a problem with masturbation. I started when I was about 10 yrs old and it just built from there. I was never told it was wrong. As a matter of fact, even though i was raised by God fearing parents, they never talked about it at all so i didn’t even know what it was called at the time. As i got older, i saw movies with sex scenes and noticed how it made me feel. Then one night i happen to notice a video tape sitting in someone’s bedroom and got curious. It looked like a cartoon so i thought it would be okay to watch. Little did I know it was a porn, but i kept watching and it made me want to touch myself. It just got worse from there. After a while, i didn’t even need videos to feel aroused, i had my own mind. After getting my first boyfriend at 17, I got curious about sex…not so much that i actually wanted to do it, i was scared. But all his pressure kind of pushed me to go ahead and try. It hurt like the dickens, but he only felt pleasure and didn’t think about me. It was then that I had “foolishly” promised God that I would never fornicate again. I held fast to that promise for 7 years after that. But then i met a man at my church who was full of Jesus and seemed to be everything I wanted in a husband and i thought he was the one. God was finally blessing me with a husband…i wouldn’t have to masturbate anymore either! Little did I know that this man was meant for somebody else because even though we had dated and ended up fornicating, and he told me he loved me(and he was the one who told me masturbation was sin, which was why i tried to stop), he broke up with me, which broke my heart to pieces…then got back with me…then broke up with me again, that time without saying it, he just started ignoring me, which angered me. It took a while for me to get over that and forgive him. I have since forgiven him but my masturbation problem has not gone away and he is now married with 2 little ones.
    I don’t do it as often anymore, nor do I ever plan it. But it hangs on like filth to garbage, just waiting to infect me where i find myself engaging in it at least once a month. I really hate it. What’s worse is, as a result of my sin almost 3 yrs ago, I am now a single mother. I cried and begged God to kill me when i found out. Not simply because i didn’t want a child out of wedlock but because the man with whom i concieved this child was/is married…he just neglected to tell me before hand…actually he lied to me about being divorced. I feel like a complete mess and that every time i sin this way, by masturbating, God will forever turn his back to me, strip me of the Holy Spirit, and leave me destitute. I feel really low right now and fear of what terrible thing God may have in store for me. I would confess this to my church so that they may pray for me but i feel so ashamed and embarassed that i just can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t even talk to my own parents about it. I feel destroyed, but i can’t allow myself to sink so low that i never recover, i have a little boy to think about and can only pray that he never has to struggle with this problem. I beg of you to pray for me that i overcome this staggering sin. I really appreciate your attentive…eyes in this matter. God bless you all.
73. Jodi on August 11th, 2009 12:59 am
    

    Dear Aubree

    I am so glad that you have written and expressed your needs. The pureness of your heart shows in that you are thinking about your little boy, even though right now you are not feeling very pure.
    The bible never specifically addresses masturbation, as we know it. You will find varied beliefs in the Christian community on this topic. I do not personally believe the act in itself is denounced as a sin. However, the motivating factors that lead us to that place can be sinful and destructive.

    The enemy is very clever in using some of God’s greatest gifts to destroy us. When you saw movies with sex scenes you noticed how they made you feel. You were created to have those feelings. You have hormones and a libido that He gave you. He intended them to be used in a way to glorify Him, through marriage and children. Nevertheless, you are not hard wired incorrectly and still God’s perfect design.

    You can repent for the way you may have misused those feelings. God is faithful and forgives all of our sins no matter how many times we commit them. Jesus said we are to forgive 70 times 7 (Matthew 18:21-22) In Jesus’ time, that number would have seemed infinite to the people. Jesus wanted us to know that his love and forgiveness are infinite.

    You may have started this behavior based on fleshly desires, I sense that what you now seek in masturbation is an escape. You are feeling bad & seek a quick, easy way to feel good again. When you feel like you are falling to temptation, get into a quiet place with God. Turn your heart and mind to Jesus, pray for the Holy Spirit to fill your you completely. Let Him fill you completely so that nothing else is allowed in that isn’t His will. We tend to be self reliant and that is when we fail most often. Tap into God’s power and HE will help you battle your temptations. I promise you the enemy will retreat in defeat.

    The guilt and self loathing you feel are lies. The enemy wants to keep you feeling that way and the longer you do the more he keeps you from doing God’s work. Our God is not one of retribution or punishment. If we believed that, Why did Jesus have to die on the cross? Was it all for nothing? Meaningless? Jesus’ blood was the payment for all of our sins. Our bill is stamped PAID IN FULL.

    Your desire to confess to your church and talk to your parents is natural. You want to feel unburdened and clean. God knows your heart, you need only to confess to Him. The most beautiful gift Jesus gave us was reconciliation and access to God. The Israelites did not have this relationship. That had priests and prophets to intercede for them. We have a direct line to God our father. You do not need human intercession to receive God’s grace.

    When we find ourselves in the pit of sin, it may seem impossible to climb out of it. So we wallow around a while, try to make it feel like it is ok, and in the end we still know we are in a pit. All things are possible in God, you need only ask. Believe that he will give it to you. The bible tells us “ if you ask for bread, will your Father give you a stone? (Matthew 7:9)

    If you are able try to find a copy of “Get out of that Pit” by Beth Moore. There is a video series too that is really great. Many church libraries will have this. Beth Moore was in the deepest of pits. She has experience sin of EVERY type including sexual sin. This book is a powerful tool that I know you will enjoy. I will be praying for you.

    God Bless,

    Jodi, Christian Singles Blog Moderator
74. Christine on August 12th, 2009 7:00 pm
    

    I am a young, single, Christian girl. I’m going to be a freshman in college in a matter of weeks. I’ve never dated, never courted, and have never even been kissed. I struggle with my sexual purity every day. (I say struggle, but some days I give up entirely.) Often times my mind is absolutely filthy and to make matters worse, I drag all my friends down with me- all in the name of fun. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good joke, but being the dirty comedian of the group just doesn’t seem like what God wants me to do.

    Additionally, I am gaining more and more independence in ever area of my life. I’m moving out. I’m going to have my own car. I’m going to live thousands of miles away from my parents. I have a laptop all to myself…with little to no adult content filters… That is what leads me to how I found this website.

    Last night I shamelessly watched porn at 2 am in my bedroom. I masturbated as many times as I could before I was tired enough to go to sleep. I’ve had trouble with insomnia for years and masturbating has been my outlet.

    I’ve seen sex before. So it wasn’t a shock. (Or was it?) What with movies and television and foul ads all the time- I thought nothing of it. Until this morning. Reruns of that porn kept going through my head- no matter how I tried to push it away. That one small innocent part of my mind that hadn’t seen real sexual intimacy has been ruined with porno smut.

    I have not asked forgiveness yet because I do not feel overwhelming guilt. I know what I have done is wrong, but I don’t feel right asking forgiveness without being REALLY sorry.
    What do I do? Do I go over in my head how terrible I am until I feel sorry enough to say it?

    Somehow I know that God is big enough to deal with all my big problems. But can I be big enough to let him have this one?

    My sexual purity is very important to me and I want to regain some of that innocence I’ve lost.

    Thank you very much for listening and God Bless.

    love, Christine.
75. Jodi on August 18th, 2009 5:05 pm
    

    Dear Christine,

    I can hear the sadness and confusion in you.We are human and we are sinful in nature. God would love to shield us from the pain that we cause ourselves, but that would defeat His purpose in giving us free will.

    It sounds like your natural curiousity has helped you push the limits. It starts out with off color jokes that seem harless and before you know it your are watching something you never thought that you would. Fighting temptation and living your Christian values is more difficult at this point in your life than most. The decisions you make now will shape your life and I think you already know this.

    There is no doubt in my mind that you have some spiritual warfare going on. As a Christian you know that this is very real and not imagined. Deep down you know what is right and wrong. The reason you are not feeling overwhleming guilt, is evidence that you have been lured in (temporarily) to worldly desires. The secular world is not God’s world. They do not abide by the same standards and pornography is rationalized as an individual right instead of the filth that it truly is.

    Call on God’s power to STOP replaying that vision of what you saw over and over in your head. I have had my own struggles in this same area. I never felt clean or pure until I accepted Jesus’ forgiveness. I had His forgiveness when I confessed and repented but I actaully had to ACCEPT it in my heart. I guess you could liken it to forgiving yourself. Once I did I could feel the Holy Spirit filling up all the holes in my heart that my sin had bore. I felt pure again. I went from feeling like scarlet to white a new snow (Isiah 1:18)

    His word is more powerful than a tw-edged sword. Ask th Holy Spirit to show the the words of God that you need to stand against the enemy. He will give you the victory just as He gave Jesus. (Hebrews 4:12)

    You are a bright young woman. God has blessed you. As you enter into the secular world with new found freedom, Remember, freedom isn’t our license to sin but your opportunity to glorify God.

    You may have many regrets if you live the ways of this world, you will never regret walking in His light.

    God Bless,
    Jodi
76. Charlotte on September 24th, 2009 11:55 pm
    

    Hi all,

    This site may be the answer to a prayer that I have prayed for awhile, a place to unburden my load…

    About 3 years ago, my husband of 27 years took off without any warning, he was gone for about a week without any word, did not answer my frantic calls. He travelled quite a bit for his job and was supposed to be on a business trip but this time he took off for out-of-state with a woman from his office. He eventually came back after it was revealed that, over the course of the last 8 years, he had had numerous affairs with women he met on the Internet. He was also involved with Internet porn, meeting with prostitutes and frequented nudist beaches. He also had opened no less than 12 credit cards and maxed them out, including one that we both shared. I am being totally honest here, please believe me that it is all truth.

    After he returned, he apologized and said he didn’t know what he was doing and wanted to try to “make things right”. We went for counseling thru our pastor and I continued to stress about whether or not he would come home each night, as he took off several times after that. Finally, after seeing the negative effects his actions were having on the kids (5 of them), when he called me from out-of-state one night after he took off I told him that he would have to either stay away or come back and seriously get the help he needed. That was his ticket to say that “I kicked him out” and he promptly moved into his girlfriend’s home in Florida. He then filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy, leaving me to face harrassing phone calls and letters from debt collectors. I also had to face being the sole supporter of 5 kids while maintaining a household and full-time job.

    After our divorce was finalized I felt as if I was in a state of numbness, desperately wanting support and for my church family to reach out to us. All that we received was meals (supper) for a week, dropped off “in a hurry” without anything more than a “hang in there, call us if you need anything”. After all of the years of my ministering to others with counsel, teaching, service, etc., not one individual came to us out of all of the churches I have helped. People didn’t even call to see how we were. I think that that was what sent me into a spiral of anger against Christianity. I was betrayed and rejected by my Christian husband and now rejected by my Church family. I am still carrying around feelings that I am not part of the family, I am not like them anymore, I am divorced, I do not belong and neither do my kids. I am tired of trying to fit in anymore and because of my divorce I never will, as my thinking goes.

    When a non-believer who had gone thru a similar situation asked me out, I accepted, as I figured no Christian man would ever want me, I am now tarnished goods. We eventually became sexually involved and, even though I’m struggling with guilt at least I am feeling appreciated for something, even if it is for companionship. I have been trying to keep up with all of the kids’ needs as well as keep the household running by learning to do repairs myself.

    Thru all of this, believe it or not, I have not blamed God or tried to figure it all out. I remember a line from one of Dan Allender’s books…don’t try to figure evil out, it is just evil. Now I just have to learn to forgive everyone, my ex, other Christians, myself, and to make things right in the Lord’s eyes. It is so hard, but thanks for letting me get all of this out.
77. Jodi on September 30th, 2009 2:52 pm
    

    My dear sister Charlotte,

    You have endured more pain in one lifetime than any ten people put together, I bought my mom a plaque one Christmas that hangs in her kiitchen “God only gives us what we can handle. I wish He didn’t trust me so much!”

    It is an unfortunate and sad that your church family didn’t rally around and give you the support you needed. I can hear in your words that this left you feeling more hurt and worthless than your husbands behavior did.

    It is very clear that your husband has multiple issues that he needs to deal with. You should pray for him. God does not want amyone to perish, but desires for all to come to repentance. (Psalm 145:9) Your husband is wandering around like a sheep without a shepard. (Matthew 9:36)

    As for your current relationship it sounds as if you are not comfortable in some choices you have made. You are looking for the Love and affirmation your heart was made for. Immerse yourself in prayer and allow Jesus to fill you up with HIS LOVE.

    As a deer pants for water our souls thirst to be filled with LOVE(Psalm 42:1-2) When we fill ourselves up with a substitute, we are still left thirsting. When we fill ourselves with Jesus’ love we are never left feeling empty again (John 4:13)

    It is clear that you Love God and have kept your heart open. There are many church communities available. Open your heart and ask God to lead you to a true family in Jesus. He will not abandon you. He will hear your prayer. (Psalm 4:1)

    Love,
    jodi
78. BGB on October 22nd, 2009 11:24 pm
    

    I too once had a problem with porn and masturbation. Thankfully, I am still a virgin. I would go on for a while, feel guilty, confess, and eventually fall back. I prayed, read the Bible, and set strict disciplines to prevent myself from falling back. However, I always did. Finally about two years ago, God helped me put pronography behind me. An as of this year the masturbation has stopped, and I do not entertain sexual thoughts anymore.

    There were several things that made the difference this time. First, an accountability partner. My best friend (a comitted Christian guy) and I call each other at least every other day and ask how we are doing that day in our areas of weakness. I had a lot of confessing to do at first, but with time it became more keeping tabs on temptation. This was absolutely vital. I do not know for sure if it works better for men to have a Christian brother, and women have a Christian sister as an accountability partner, but it is something to think about.

    The other thing to consider is that it says in the Bible that if somene cleans up their life, but does not replace the sinful actions with something else, “the demon will come in, and finding the house clean and in order brings seven other demons.” Basically what meant to me is that even if you clean up your act and attitude, but do not fill the resulting void with Jesus, the pressures of this world will force their way back in. You will fall again and be discouraged. Filling the void with serving God, and prayer was a huge first step. The next step filling the void came with an attitude adjustment from a book called Hero: Becoming the Man She Desires. Before this I had a hard time not believing that I was an unattracive loser for being single, and a virgin. This book told me that controlling your sexuality makes you more of a man (especially in God’s eyes) than any number of sexual relationships no matter what the world says. I do not even know if GREAT can desribe the work God has done in me. IMPOSSIBLE seems more appropriate, but God does the impossible. More to the point, this is one seeming impossibility that He longs to work in every life that suffers from the scars of sexual sin.

    Finally, I have learned that simply to say that we will struggle with this all our lives is correct, but maybe a little understated. Just like every other addictive problem, we will have days that we feel great, and days that some part of us would give anything to go back to our old ways. Again prayer, bible reading, accountability, and remembering our new Hero attitude make getting through those times doable, but not easy. Also for those of you who feel that you have sinned so much that God can not forgive you, just remember that Jesus died to forgive all our sins. Feelings are great at sensing what is going on inside of us, but are terrible guides to what is going on outside.

    I truly believe that God wants to heal every man and woman here who struggles with sexual sin. My part in my healing was miniscule, but very difficult. So keep praying, hoping, and fighting to be healed. I hope that my diatribe here is of some help to you all.

    Your brother in Christ,
    Bill
79. Ana on November 15th, 2009 5:02 pm
    

    I have been masturbating for about 6months now and the worst part about it is I’m a girl. I didn’t think that it was possible for girls to even do thisbut one day I got “curious” and did it and now it has been on and off. I can go several days without doing this sick thing to myself but then I do it anyways. And I know it’s wrong but I just can’t seem to help myself…And I started using bad picures to “get off” and it’s horrible. I don’t need them but I feel like this “need” for masturbation will never go away and it scares me.
    Also, my dad molested me when I was little. I can’t seem to forgive him for what he did. Well…I have but I don’t want to talk to him or see him or even acknowledge that he’s my father…so I guess you could say it’s not real forgiveness…but I just don’t want a relationship with the man who stole my innocence away.
    I’ve also lost my relationship with God…well not lost butI can’t seem to have the relationship with him I used to have. It’s all my fault too…I never seem to have the time for him my family doesn’t go to a church anymore, I don’t have someone Christian who I can talk to. I feel like no matter how many times I’ve saidthe prayer accepting God into my life I’m not good enough. And look at me…howcan I be? I masturbate, I’m a liar, I’m not nice all the time, Iscrew up. How can he love me? How can he even be in the same room as me. I’m so disgusting, he is so clean. I don’t feel good enough….Ijust need help. ButI don’t know where to go or who to turn to anymore. I feel like no matter how many times I pray God can’t hear me orhe’s not listening…like it’s too late to fix what I started. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I want to be happy, I want God back in my life again. I just don’t want to be lost anymore.

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