Do you have Christian singles secrets bottled up in your heart? Many Christian singles walk around with the burden of carrying personal secrets bottled up deep in their hearts. Whether the secrets are unconfessed sexual sins, painful memories, regrets, shame-filled experiences, or totally whacked-out thoughts, God did not design us to deal with such raw issues by ourselves.
From the Garden, the Lord created mankind for intimate fellowship with no room for secrets. Adam’s hiding from God after eating the fruit is the Bible’s first recorded secret. Do you ever wonder what God would have done if Adam and Eve confessed their little “secret” instead of hiding from their Lord? Anyway, we have been keeping secrets ever since, with negative consequences for ourselves and our relationships with others.
Christian singles secrets and confession
The Bible has a neat answer to secret keeping: It’s called confession. Over and over in Scripture, we see a connection between honest confession and spiritual, emotional, and physical healing:
- If you confess your sins to God, He promises forgiveness and spiritual cleansing (1 John 1:9).
- Lack of confession leads to physical and emotional turmoil; honest acknowledgment to God brings relief of guilt (Psalms 32-2-5).
- While only God can forgive, He wants us to confess our sins to each other so that we may pray for each other and experience healing (James 5:6)
Only recently has modern psychology caught up with the Bible in terms of connecting private confession with physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Dr. James Pennebaker, a psychology professor at Southern Methodist University, documents a study that found that confessing our secrets can be good for the soul, lower blood pressure, lessen depression, and increase your general sense of well-being.
There is certainly no reason why we should not confess our secrets to our Lord, who loves (John 3:16) and sympathizes with us despite knowing all about us (Hebrews 4:13-15).
Despite the fact that confession leads to healing, there are many reasons why single Christians fail to confess secrets to others, whether they be a lack of an appropriate outlet, fear, embarrassment, or unreal expectations from our own churches.
In light of the above, you are invited to confess your secrets anonymously to Christia. We don’t need to know your name in order to have our single Christian readers pray for you. You will never be contacted unless you desire follow-up prayer and counsel. Our prayer is that we will all be encouraged by each other’s words.
There are several ways to post your secrets or confessions:
- Simply leave a written comment right on this post
- E-mail us your written or recorded post secret via a mp3 file.
Christian Dating Service
68 Comments
Christine
I am a young, single, Christian girl. I’m going to be a freshman in college in a matter of weeks. I’ve never dated, never courted, and have never even been kissed. I struggle with my sexual purity every day. (I say struggle, but some days I give up entirely.) Often times my mind is absolutely filthy and to make matters worse, I drag all my friends down with me- all in the name of fun. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good joke, but being the dirty comedian of the group just doesn’t seem like what God wants me to do.
Additionally, I am gaining more and more independence in ever area of my life. I’m moving out. I’m going to have my own car. I’m going to live thousands of miles away from my parents. I have a laptop all to myself…with little to no adult content filters… That is what leads me to how I found this website.
Last night I shamelessly watched porn at 2 am in my bedroom. I masturbated as many times as I could before I was tired enough to go to sleep. I’ve had trouble with insomnia for years and masturbating has been my outlet.
I’ve seen sex before. So it wasn’t a shock. (Or was it?) What with movies and television and foul ads all the time- I thought nothing of it. Until this morning. Reruns of that porn kept going through my head- no matter how I tried to push it away. That one small innocent part of my mind that hadn’t seen real sexual intimacy has been ruined with porno smut.
I have not asked forgiveness yet because I do not feel overwhelming guilt. I know what I have done is wrong, but I don’t feel right asking forgiveness without being REALLY sorry.
What do I do? Do I go over in my head how terrible I am until I feel sorry enough to say it?
Somehow I know that God is big enough to deal with all my big problems. But can I be big enough to let him have this one?
My sexual purity is very important to me and I want to regain some of that innocence I’ve lost.
Thank you very much for listening and God Bless.
love, Christine.
Liz
I am a 19 year old girl whose faith is the most important thing in my life. However, the sin of masturbation has had a hold on me for a long time. It has come and gone, but I really desperately want to be free of it. I don’t have anyone in this new city that keeps me accountable for anything and it feels like I am alone in fighting this, especially since I am a girl and girls aren’t supposed to struggle with this. I want to stop. I want God’s love to be enough to make me stop, but I keep coming back to this.
Derek
Hello Liz ,
Sorry about what you are going through am very well sure it’s hard to do away with it , masturbation is caused by a spirit and that’s the reason it can’t just go no matter how you try to avoid unless you are totally delivered through prayer . Contact me and we discuss more I would love to share a lot with you..thanks
Martha
Hi,
I have been born again for almost 10 years now and I have committed the sin of fornication, and masturbation and now i have been watching porn on the net, it has been happening for the past 4-5 years now. Am I a sex addict? Every time it happens I would confess and get back to on track but then it happens again. i have sinned so much that at many points I am wondering whether I am destined for eternal life! all I want to do is to serve Christ Jesus who died for me on Calvary, to bring honor to Him with my body. Please pray with me, I want out from this detestable sin!
Sharmin
i think that it is very commendable what you guys have written. it is source of encouragement to me. please note that i am not happy because you failed. but i am happy that even after you failed you arouse. i remember suffering with the problem of masturbation ever since i was a child (8-9). and i battled with it until i was about 18.and i must say that it was not easy. there were days when i felt so guilty that i couldn’t stand myself. the truth is that we can overcome masturbation when we feed our minds with healthy things. i used to feed my mind with porn even as a young child. i want to say to ever one with this problem that you can’t rely on yourself to fix it you need God to help you. the truth is that i tried to fix it on my own many times but i only made it worst. trust in God He was able to help me overcome it and if i remember correctly He is still in the deliverance business.
Uri
My wife has recently as yesterday divorced me she is a believer it si part of her healing, it is un unusual circumstances as we do see each other and only 3 days ago spent a night together, we are both very compatible sexually so it is difficult for us to resist the temptation.
I will continue to wait and pray that one day she is ready to have a relationship and I will be the one she would contact
We are now committed not to do this and if we ever get together in future it will be based on God’s principles.
During our final stage of separation when my wife applied for divorce I have started to look at the future relationships to see if my heart is willing to look at any one else, this has led me to a webcam sites for casual relationship where my hormones kicked in and I had un pure desires to satisfy my needs with who ever was willing on the webcam chat line, fortunately Holy Spirit has convicted me and now I have a 1TH: 4:3-9 printed in front of my computer to remained me God’s way.
Please pray for us both thank you
Uri & Victoria
teresa
Thank you all for your encouragement and willingness to read along in this confession. Every time I enter into a relationship with a possibility of marriage, I give into sexual desires. I do this to release lust, to enter intimacy and produce a sense of security. I also choose sin this way because I am a pleaser and a giver to a fault and this trait goes no more clearly awry than in relationships. I want to love The Lord, I don’t want to grieve Him or our relationship. Therefore, I confess that I am in sin. I also confess with a great deal of remorse and frustration that I have not had the will power to stop. I fall short, please pray with me to turn this around.
I also struggle with this as it appears to be a catch 22. Is it true prayers for strength can’t pass the ceiling when I am in sin, only when I have turned from and against them? When I was abstaining I felt worse physically (the wanting for touch), emotionally (pushing boyfriends away ‘withholding’) and spiritually ( Please God, are you listening really listening?) than I do now sinning. Thanks for the encouragement to be transparent and hopeful. T
Lisa
I am 41 years old and have lost my way and want to get back on the right path and have a relationship with God that would be pleasing to him. I was brought up in a christian home and have always tried to live a christian way of life. I too started masturbating from an early age and felt a tremendous amount of guilt. I had a few boyfriends in my late teens and although tempted kept my virginity for my husband. although I gave into temptation on other sexual activities. I met my husband when I was nearly 18, we were very happy together and knew fairly soon into our relationship that we wanted to share our lives with each other. After 3 months we had sex. It wasn’t the wonderful experience I thought it would be. We married and stayed married for 17 years. Throughout our marriage sex had always been a problem, I never enjoyed it and he eventually stopped wanting it and our marriage just seemed to die. I did masturbate throughout our marriage without my husbands knowledge.
After my marriage ended, I have had a few sexual partners. Always wanting a relationship but they ended up being nothing but sex. Well in the last month a man has come into my life who I felt was sent from God. We have so much in common and most of all we have our faith. We have both been brought up in very similar homes with the same values and he also has been feeling lost since the breakup of his marriage and had quite a few sexual partners. I have come to care about this man very deeply and I felt the feeling was mutual. I prayed that I would be able to be strong and abstain from sex. We had a dinner date at his house one evening and he said I could stay, in separate rooms. I didn’t want him to leave I wanted him to hold me through the night and then before we knew it we had sex. I feel as though having sex has destroyed things for us, he is now very distant. I feel so upset that I have given into temptation and caused him to give into temptation also. Now I feel he doesn’t respect me or want to continue seeing me.
I think I have learnt a very valuable lesson from this experience. I am feeling very lonely and very unloved and want more than anything to have a wonderful christian relationship. I am so lost, I feel as though I am powerless when it comes to sex, I don’t like this feeling I want to live a pure life and attract the man God wants me to be with. I feel I have failed myself and God so much that I may not ever get what I long for as I don’t deserve it. I just want to confess the sins that I have been committing and feel cleansed and forgiven and try to live the life God had intended me to live. I want to start attending church again but feel so much shame for the life I have lived the past 2 years.
I thankyou for the opportunity to confess my sins.
W
Hey,
I am a 20 year old Christian male and I had an oral sexual encounter with a woman 2 years ago during my freshman year of college. However, this was an involuntary sin. How do I explain? Basically my roomate that year was a stereotypical ladies’ man and would party on weekends and at random times during the week, then come back drunk with a party girl and have sex. On this night, however, I had gotten drunk with some of my friends and called it a day earlier than usual that Friday, going to my room and getting into bed around 11:00-11:30ish at night. This is very early for freshman college bedtimes. Anyways, at some point probably a few hours later, he burst into the room like a SWAT officer and half-woke me up with a girl from our dorm who was in a bathrobe and not much else. He had a very low tolerance, so he was probably dangerously drunk at this point. Anyways, from what I can recall the girl helped him into bed and put a puke bucket next to it, since he was not, shall we say, “up to task”.
I fell back asleep as this happened and dreamed. The dream abruptly turned sexual and then I woke up puzzled and confused to find the girl performing oral sex at some time later in the night. Then from there things got worse, and I ended up reciprocating. She spent the night in my bed and woke up early the next morning and left. I didn’t piece this together that this wasn’t just a drunk dream I imagined until several months later, however, due to the large amount of vodka in my system at the time. She also may have been drunk, although I don’t remember. We had some sort of conversation and she said she was trying to get revenge on her boyfriend (probably for cheating) and wanted a new one, but I told her that this wasn’t the way to solve her problem and that I wasn’t ready for a relationship (yes, I do distinctly remember those specific details, for whatever reason). Anyways, I have asked for forgiveness, tried to minimize risky contact with her and moved on, but occasionally I will have flashbacks at random times. At times it is like I am in Tantalus, because these flashbacks are physical memories, not just mental, and I have remained abstinent since then. I am really starting to feel for drug addicts. I don’t know if that makes me a half-virgin or whatever, but it is what it is.
To top it all off, later that year and into the present, I have had people imply that I am gay and make fun of me for not having a girlfriend or screwing every woman I see, and the devil has used this to his advantage, alternatively using my memories and demonic gay attacks in my mind (that’s the best way I can articulate it). Ironically, I didn’t have a problem with pornography when this occurred (I had sporadic problems in high school, but that’s a different story) and haven’t had issues since in that area. I also don’t have any homosexual urges, so that’s a non-issue. I have sporadic, off and on issues with masturbation, particularly during summer months, but not to the point of addiction or habit. I should point out that some of my peers, particularly my roommates, have added to my general stress level and problem since they were more towards the direction of habit or addiction-level masturbation and thought I was a freak because of my generally good self-control in this area. Just to get my point across, one of them frequently had serious, adult conversations with one of my other roomates about scheduling “alone time” during the week, and had irritated and even sometimes angry arguments when there were disruptions in the schedule. Just for perspective.
Anyways, in the past year or so, I have had to reassure myself of my heterosexuality and larger identity as a man due to this double headed problem, which, in addition to many other personal and national events and problems, has left me fatigued. As a final note I will add that I didn’t date in high school except for one or two failed attempts and I still have yet to have had a girlfriend. Also, I’m frequently pushed into the friend zone. Advice?
-W
Sarah
Hi…I am a 24 year old Christian. I am a virgin, but have always, even since childhood struggled with having sexual thoughts, viewing ponography, etc. Now I struggle with masturbation and with viewing porn. Recently I became “friends with benefits” with a guy I know. We haven’t had intercourse, but we have done everything else…and it is possible that we may be having sex in the near future. I know that I can get myself out of this, but I don’t. Its like I want to do this, but I don’t want to want to??? I have never justified myself in what I am doing. I know it is not good for me, or for the guy – who is not a Christian and does not know that I am. But I still want to do this. I can’t help myself. I keep thinking, well what if I never marry? Then I would still want to know what sex is like…I live in Newfoundland and there are hardly any Christians here, let alone people I could speak to about this. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know what the consequences will be in the end…I could really use advice and prayer.
CD
I thank God for the opportunity to read the posts made by all those struggling with sexual sin like myself. I too was exposed to sexual immorality at a very young age and it has continued into my adulthood. I have two children and recently my nine-year old daughter was discovered visiting porn sites. It broke my heart and has left me spiritually depleted to know that the sins that I have committed and continue to commit have reached into my daughter’s life.
I have stopped looking at porn via websites but I continue to masturbate as I am desperate to have a husband to relieve the lust that I feel. I have not dated since breaking up my childrens’ father two years ago and I don’t believe that I am entirely ready to. I have been fantasizing about a man I worked with that I had a crush on about five years ago I would like to end this hopelessness and destructive cycle of sin and guilt. It has reached into my child’s life and I want it destroyed.
I know that God forgives every sin and every sinner. He lifted me up from a hopeless and pitiful state two years ago and has proven His faithfulness since, but I have failed so many times that coming to Him….I feel too ashamed and a hopeless case. I have joined a church but I have not been attending because I feel disconnected and lost in such a huge church (a mega church). My mother’s church is much smaller and intimate but I do not feel at home there either.
Please pray for my deliverance in this and please pray for my children. The computer has been moved in an open area of the home and I monitor all that she views and everything on television, but the damage has been done and it is very painful to know that her innocent eyes have engaged in this type of sin. I dont want her view of sex to be completely abnormal like mine was! Please pray for us!
Rather Not Say
Thank you for making this available.
I started spending time with a christian man at the end of 2007. At the time I was not saved… I surrendered my life to christ and accepted Him as Lord shortly after I met Him.
This man lead me to Christ… in the midst of all of this we enganged in sexual acitivy for a short time after but we knew we had to stop… He was teaching the Word and I joined his bible study class. The holy spirit convicted me and as a result I have not engage in any sexual activity… but I struggle in my thought life, I frequently have thoughts about this person… I cry, pray, it grieves my heart to know that I am having these sexual thoughts and God knows my thoughts. I know God will deliver me from this… I have stopped communicating with this person, because now sometimes even hearing his voice triggers all these images and thoughts in my mind… I still desire him phisically and he is my brother in Christ! Please pray for me… My heart is broken for many reasons about this situation, I know God loves me no matter what I don’t feel like I am in the right place to date until my thought life is free and I can know myself better in the Lord.
Jane
I am a born-again Christian who has struggled with masturbation since I was very young, at least 6 or 7 seven years old. When I discovered that it was wrong for me to put so much energy into fulfilling a sexual desire that God had intended to be shared between a man and woman, I became ashamed and asked him for forgiveness. I have done so several times, and I am now at the point of despair where I honestly don’t know if I will ever get over this problem. Furthermore, I feel as if a man would never want to love me or marry me if he knew about this struggle…Right now I am just trying to hold on to the knowledge that Christ will help me, but I’ve messed up and repented so many times that sometimes I wonder if he won’t just give up on me.
Aubrey
I am 33 yrs old now and for as long as I can remember, i have had a problem with masturbation. I started when I was about 10 yrs old and it just built from there. I was never told it was wrong. As a matter of fact, even though i was raised by God fearing parents, they never talked about it at all so i didn’t even know what it was called at the time. As i got older, i saw movies with sex scenes and noticed how it made me feel. Then one night i happen to notice a video tape sitting in someone’s bedroom and got curious. It looked like a cartoon so i thought it would be okay to watch. Little did I know it was a porn, but i kept watching and it made me want to touch myself. It just got worse from there. After a while, i didn’t even need videos to feel aroused, i had my own mind. After getting my first boyfriend at 17, I got curious about sex…not so much that i actually wanted to do it, i was scared. But all his pressure kind of pushed me to go ahead and try. It hurt like the dickens, but he only felt pleasure and didn’t think about me. It was then that I had “foolishly” promised God that I would never fornicate again. I held fast to that promise for 7 years after that. But then i met a man at my church who was full of Jesus and seemed to be everything I wanted in a husband and i thought he was the one. God was finally blessing me with a husband…i wouldn’t have to masturbate anymore either! Little did I know that this man was meant for somebody else because even though we had dated and ended up fornicating, and he told me he loved me(and he was the one who told me masturbation was sin, which was why i tried to stop), he broke up with me, which broke my heart to pieces…then got back with me…then broke up with me again, that time without saying it, he just started ignoring me, which angered me. It took a while for me to get over that and forgive him. I have since forgiven him but my masturbation problem has not gone away and he is now married with 2 little ones.
I don’t do it as often anymore, nor do I ever plan it. But it hangs on like filth to garbage, just waiting to infect me where i find myself engaging in it at least once a month. I really hate it. What’s worse is, as a result of my sin almost 3 yrs ago, I am now a single mother. I cried and begged God to kill me when i found out. Not simply because i didn’t want a child out of wedlock but because the man with whom i concieved this child was/is married…he just neglected to tell me before hand…actually he lied to me about being divorced. I feel like a complete mess and that every time i sin this way, by masturbating, God will forever turn his back to me, strip me of the Holy Spirit, and leave me destitute. I feel really low right now and fear of what terrible thing God may have in store for me. I would confess this to my church so that they may pray for me but i feel so ashamed and embarassed that i just can’t bring myself to do it. I can’t even talk to my own parents about it. I feel destroyed, but i can’t allow myself to sink so low that i never recover, i have a little boy to think about and can only pray that he never has to struggle with this problem. I beg of you to pray for me that i overcome this staggering sin. I really appreciate your attentive…eyes in this matter. God bless you all.
timmy butler
Thank you for your honesty
Susan
I am a 23 year old born-again Christian woman. I have never been in a relationship with another person because I wish to wait for God to lead me to the right man. I have been masturbating since I was 18. I’ve never used pornography. I rarely use anything other than my hands to masturbate. I always masturbate to orgasm. I masturbate for two reasons:
1) to relieve my sexual desires. If I go for more than a month without masturbating, I start fantasizing about people I am not attracted to and sometimes, (this is even worse), I get dirty dreams.
2) to fall asleep! Believe it or not, an orgasm puts me to sleep right away! If I’m tossing and turning in bed and I know that I need a good night’s sleep in order to be functional the next day, then I will masturbate even though I don’t particularly want to.
Whatever the reason, I always struggle with guilt when I wake up the next morning. I know that my body is a temple of God. I want to reserve my sexual feelings for the person I marry (If God wants me to marry). But my desires are too strong for my will power. I have tried to ‘quit’ several times, but eventually the need always returns. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. I know that I can only free myself from masturbation if I completely surrender to the power of the Holy Spirit. Please pray for me.
Thoughts?
Rhonda
I am writing to confess my sins per James 5:6. I am a Christian single. I have never been married. I practice and teach abstinence until marriage to teen girls. I had sex outside of marriage once when I was 22 years old, before I was saved, and have not done so again since–over 15 years ago. I dated occasionally after my conversion; however, shortly thereafter, it was like God all of a sudden placed an “A” for abstinent on my forehead and men stopped looking my way! Although, I am a gregarious person and I have a lot of friends and associates, I have not been on a date in years–literally since 1993!
Lately, I have a longing to be married and intimate with my husband. I have never had such strong desires in this regard. I have always wanted to get married and have a family and have left it in God’s hands to work it out in His timing and in His way. I do not know if it is my biological clock or what, but lately my thought life has been bombarded with thoughts of being married and having sex with my husband. Please note that I avoid TV and movies with sexual content. And, this is what I am writing to confess–these thoughts which have also lead me to masturbate. And, I am very displeased with myself and embarrassed because I am typically very self-controlled; and, I know these thoughts/fantasies led me to such sin. In addition, to my confession to my sisters and brothers in Christ, I have confessed this to the Father and I ask for your prayers. Thank you for your ministry and I will pray for you all as well.
Karen
One thing I have struggled relentlessly with is the idea of forgiveness. Is it good enough to ask God’s forgiveness and forgiveness of the one who you committed sin with? Do we have to make public confession to everyone? It is extremely difficult to confess to people, because they will make an embarrassment of you, and you lose so much, just because you want to have a clear conscious. I feel sometimes I have no place to turn, except to God’s throne. Is public confession for mere external exposure, or does it grant you a closer walk with the Lord? I would say, most people desire a closer walk with the Lord, but does not confessing it to others hinder your walk?
Pauki
Hi pray for me I am saved and 36 years old and caught up with an affair with a married man .ps help me cleanse and pray for me
John
hi my name is David I have been married 3 times my wife now doesn’t give me any sex because she had a total hysterectomy and is left with a blood clot in her left leg she her dr. cannot give her any medication for her sex drive. when I was single and lonely I looked at porn males and females I look at porn male and female but I don’t want to tell my wife about male porn because she’ll think I’m gay. all I ever wanted was to have a wife to have good sex wife with good sex with now I have this guilt about this gay stuff which I have to get off my chest. I look at other women but by not commenting on any more sins I can get rid of the guilt that I looked at male porn all I want is to have sex with my wife. she doesn’t even touch me I’m going crazy. I repent for my sins but the guilt is eating me up.
Amy
Hi I admit I have sinned I’ve stolen, and tried to hurt my mom with a knife. I haven’t gone to confession, and all this happened years ago when I was in elementary school. Is confession necessary to be cleansed and saved from hell? I pray almost every day to be forgiven for my past sins, I am even going to start praying the holy rosary, but I don’t have an actual rosary but I have a cross. Will that work? Please pray for me, and reply to my message when you can. I appreciate it very much. Thank you and God Bless.
From, Amy
Oasis Singles
Dear Amy:
Thanks for being so real and sharing. In 1 John 1:9, God’s word says: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” That’s it! For a further understanding of how to become a Christian and avoid hell, please see:
https://christian-dating-service-plus.com/how-to-become-a-christian/
Sue
I was with him for a year and a half. He looked at me as a spiritual rolemodel. We were such great Christians in the Lord together, or whatever you would call it. We started struggling a little bit physically for a while. we were ashamed and sorry so we refrained from doing ANYthing. It all sort of built up and one night, out of nowhere, we just had sex. It didn’t feel wrong though. It felt romantic. So two days later we did it again… afterward, it felt more wrong than anything. I was so ashamed and sorry. He was even MORE ashamed and sorry. Eventually, he broke up with me, apologizing all the while for taking something so special from me. He started cutting, I begged him to stop, and now he’s drinking. I feel like his drinking is my fault. He has gone so far off the deep end, and my worry and guilt are about to eat me alive. I found a random youth pastor on the internet to try to ask him for help, for counsel. He told me I had put nails in the coffin of my relationship with God, and that I was a terrible sinner.
Oasis Singles
My Dear Sue:
First off, let me just say thank you for sharing your heart secret sins. We love you and are praying for your healing, as well as that of your friend. Now, let’s get some facts straight:
1)You DON’T have to “put nails in the coffin of your relationship with God” because Jesus took enough nails for EVERY sin we all every committed. Instead, please claim the wonderful forgiveness as found in 1 John 1:9. After that, walk with your head held high, knowing that you are clean.
2)You are NEVER responsible for another person who chooses to do something harmful to themselves.
3)Note to readers: I say the following in love, and if I lose readers, so be it: That youth pastor is acting like a donkey (I believe the KJV word is ass), and needs to understand the nature of God’s mercy and love. In my view he is doing more harm to Christian teens than helping them. There! I said it, and it feels good!
Anna-Keep in touch. Remember-confess your secret sins-accept forgiveness-walk uprightly in the joy of knowing your Jesus did it all for you.
David
PS: Here is a following resource for Christian Teens with secrets:
https://christian-dating-service-plus.com/blog/christian-teens-dating-and-sex.html
AB
Brothers and Sisters in Christ, I was saved like at 14 or 15 years old and I lived a life that was pleasing in his sight to the best of my ability. When I went off to school all kinds of things went on that kind of strayed me away my first year. I met a guy online who was like 17 years older than me and though I never met him I received his phone number and we talked every night. I do believe that is when the sexual sins begin in my mind. I am a virgin and will remain one until marriage, but the guilt of having these wrongful thoughts is just too much. I’ve asked God to forgive me time and time again and yet they somehow still come to my mind. This man used to tell me what he would do to me and how he would do it and that got in my spirit. Then I started watching all kinds of crazy movies and shows that had sexual impurities with males and females in them and then that got my mind rolling more. I’m 22, and I have now stopped watching things that will make my mind go to that, but lately, it still does. At night, I can be thinking about having sex with my husband and then it will go to my boyfriend, then a girl, then back and forward. I love God with all that’s within me and no one knows about this and when I saw the sight and read the comments, I knew I had to finally tell someone and let this go. Because I don’t want to keep holding on to it. Please pray with me that the devil will be defeated and I will pass this test. Thank you so much.
Oasis Singles
I am a thirty year old christian female virgin, who struggles with mind masturbation, and porn. I don’t know how it entered my life or remember when. I have been struggling with this for a long time. I don’t know what to do. Every day I struggle with feels that I want to be in a relationship, but God has not blessed me with that, and I think it is because of what I am doing in secret. Every day it seems as though my body is on fire, if I hear or see anything that has to do with sex I become aroused at once. I don’t want to live this way anymore, I want to be able to be normal again, to get rid of these sexual desires, and images in my head. I also have a guy friend who I know is not a Christian telling me it is okay to masturbate, I have also masturbated online with him talking in a certain way. He keeps telling me it is natural, but I feel so ashamed, dirty, and lonely. I do have a friend who is also a male who is a Christian and very wise. I want to talk with him about what I am going through but I don’t want him to stop talking to me after he finds out. Please help I have been up all night crying and trying to find what to do.
Lauren
Divine:
The best way to feel pure is to speak to another Christian via phone or face to face, where you can actually hear a human voice. Fellowship with other believers is imperative to our walk with Christ! Pray for forgiveness and strength from God to help you make it through each day and ask Him to help you be more like Him. Also, admitting to God that you are struggling is ok! He knows we are imperfect and born in sin, but His ways are not ours. Pray for strength to confess your sin to your friend, and you can also pray that He gives your friend guidance and understanding of your problem. Having a sexual desire is not wrong, it is healthy, but you must remember that what you see and surround yourself with is what you will become. “Garbage in, garbage out.” If you are truly determined to rid yourself of your sexual desires, you must force yourself to be around things that are of God. Just try one day at a time. For example, tell yourself that for one hour of every day you will not look, listen, or speak of sexual things…you can take your mind off of your desires by watching something (tv, movies,etc) that are of a pure wholesome nature. It takes time, patience, and effort to change our ways. BUT the best part of it all is that Jesus has already taken away all of our sins. The Bible says in Psalm 103:12 that “He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west”. Therefore do not be ashamed of your shortcomings, bc He does not expect perfection, all He asks is for us to have faith and put forth a true effort. I hope I have been helpful to you and know that regardless of your sins, in Jesus’s eyes, you are a beautiful, innocent, and pure soul.
Amy
Well, I am a 20-year-old who was raised in church and taught that sexual impurity and premarital sex is a sin. When I was 17 I had premarital sex for the first time and continued to until I was 19 years old. I have not had sex since then but I have struggled with habitual masturbation, porn addiction, and my boyfriend and I struggle as well. We have not had sex but we continually struggle and it has been hard to say no. I know God has something better planned for me and I know that this is not a way to live because I feel depressed when I struggle like this. I don’t know how to overcome it…and it is really starting to affect my life. Please pray for me.
Kenneth
My problem is not one of an inability to confess or ask God’s forgiveness. My problem, rather, is that when I confessed my sins to the woman I love she has not been able to forgive me. I’ll start with the sins I have committed. I am a 24 year old male, I have always believed in God, and all the way from the time i was a child through high school I did everything I could to live a good and righteous life. I did not drink, smoke, have sexual relations, etc. But when I got to college my life changed, I went from a fairly consevative upbringing to one of the most liberal schools in the country 1000 miles from anyone I knew. I fell in with many unbelievers and over time i began to question my faith in God. I turned away from God’s will for 4 years, during that time engaging in many sins, but perhaps the worst being those of sexual immorality. I the age of 19 I began a 2.5 year relationship with a woman who did not believe in God, and I was eventually stripped of my moral beliefs. I questioned God’s existence and wondered why I even tried to live righteously. I rationalized it believing that I wasnt hurting anyone, that the decisions I made didnt affect anyone but me and her. We eventually began a sexual relationship outside of marriage and despite the tremendous guilt I felt at first I continued on and eventually the guilt gave way to just not caring anymore. By the time this relationship ended I was a shell of my former self and I began another relationship with an unbeliever. Again we engaged in sexual activity and more because of lust than love we began talking of marriage, then suddenly, everything in my life came crashing down. This girl left me without so much as a reason why and at the time I was lower than I had ever been. I contemplated why I should even go on living. I hated myself. And then almost as suddenly as everything came crashing down I got back up. See after a few months of severe depression I picked up a Bible and started reading it. I found comfort in the words about God’s forgiveness of even the most wretched sinners if they are willing to repent their sins and I began looking at life in a new perspective. i prayed for God’s forgiveness and started living my life in the way commanded by the Bible. Despite my renewal of faith however, I still carried the burdens of my past. That is where my current girlfriend comes in. She is a very religious person, a member of the Church of Christ raised on the Bible in a good home with a wonderful family. Her faith is exceeding abundant. I believe that everything in our relationship is right with God, and that God put her in my life to show me His true will. After dating only a short time I decided to be baptised for the remission of my sins and amazingly I no longer felt the burdens of my past suffocating me, for the first time in 4 years I felt that all was right in my life with God. I truly believe that God has forgiven me my past and I have been born again, much like the prodigal son I was lost, but now I have come back to God. Which brings me to last night. Up until then I had not fully shared the details of my past with my girfriend. I believe my reasoning behind this was that I was embarrassed of my past and the time had never seemed right. She knew that I had dated unbelievers in the past and she asked me a simple question, “How did you go from dating to me?” A simple question, but with a long and difficult answer. I decided the time was finally right to confess to her the iniquities of my past. Knowing that this would be a difficult topic to discuss I began by telling her how ashamed I am of my past, and how I am no longer the person that committed these actions. I told her that I believe that God has forgiven my for what I have done, and above all I believe that when I was baptized i believe that my soul was born again, and that even though the earthen vessel which carries me through this life was the same that committed these acts the soul that dwells within is a new person. When I finally told her of the sexual immorality that I had committed her reaction wsa somewhat a surprise to me. We had spoken many times about forgiving the sins of those who harm us and how we are to forgive 70×7 times those who do us wrong, and moreover how it is not our place to judge the wrongs of other people, for by doing so so will we be judged even worse by God. But when I told her what i had done, two years before we had even met none the less, she told me that she is not sure she will be able to forgive me for this. She said she believes that I am right with God, but she doesnt know if she can accept my sins. We ended the conversation promising to try to work through this difficult time together and after we finished our talk, knowing that there was no way i was going to sleep I spent the majority of the night praying for God to give us wisdom and if it is His will to let us overcome this obstacle. I love this girl with all of my earthly heart and I believe she is truly a blessing from God. I know times will be difficult but can you provide any advice and please keep us in your prayers? God bless you!
Oasis Singles
Kenneth…please feel free to inbox us…
Katie
I am a 24-year-old single female. My secret sin is this: Our church is extremely strict, and I’ve been taught to keep myself pure until marriage. I have never had sex, but I struggle with habitual masturbation and reading erotic stories online. Every time it happens, I cry to God, ask for his forgiveness, and try to cleanse myself, but I still feel unworthy. I keep on falling into the same trap over and over. I want to live a pure and holy life for Him. I am also at an age where I really want to get married and have a family but I have feelings that God is somehow punishing me for my actions. Please pray for me so I can overcome this and serve God with my entire being.
A
My secret post is that I ave a chronic problem with Masturbation over many years and it has gone too far masturbating with other people on camera for the last few months, i know it is wrong but i have fallen so far and trapped.
Cody
I am 15. I have been in the church since I was 3 with a foster family. I live with my dad now. I got saved last year. I am having a very hard struggle with homosexuality, and bisexuality how can I work that out with God? I also have a very hard struggle with sex how do I keep from having the encounters? I have always had a battle with drugs alcohol and nicotine addiction I have been doing well but how do I keep from submitting to the temptations?
Nathan
I have been dealing with a pornography/masturbation addiction for the past 9 years now. Used to be almost daily but with God’s help it’s gotten much better. Every time I do it I feel like I’ve destroyed my relationship with God. Why I keep doing it, I don’t know. I’m getting so tired of disappointing Him but I feel as if it will always be this way.
Kevin
I am surprised by the level of honesty here. I have had many sexual problems in my life as well. I have been divorced and I believe the sole cause was because I wasn’t strong in staying away from porn and the shame I carried for having premarital sex with my wife. Sad to say, things are beyond repair with my ex, but I still hope for a meaningful relationship with a woman one day. I ask for prayer since I’m on a deployment right now that I find friends and people I can confide in to help me with my porn problems and the great loneliness I feel inside at not having a woman in my life. May I find peace in Jesus and learn to be content as a person. Please I ask lift me up for I fear falling back into old habits and the black hole in my soul. Thanks!
Oasis Singles
Moderator:
Hi, I am praying for all of you. I really hope this site is a blessing to you, and that you can see that many others who seek the Lord struggle with similar things.
David
david@Oasis-Singles.com
Nicole
I am heartbroken but just broke up with my unsaved boyfriend of 1 year. We had fallen in to sexual sin and also having intercourse in non-traditional ways and I also struggled with masturbation. I have repented and I know it is God’s will for me to live a pure life and marry a Godly man. Please pray for me to be strong and grow in the Lord during this difficult time.
Rebecca
i am feeling heart-broken, after
the break up of a relationship of over 5 months with a guy i really liked. what started off well turned physical and from then on the pain of sexual arousal became a reality that made me miserable and isolated as i struggled in masturbation and depression alone, with noone to open up to. now that the relationship is past i see how i missed out on a great period of my life. i’m struggling with lust, masturbation and regret. when i speak to old good friends, i feel miserable because we’re not all pure anymore and i can’t tell them about the utterly stupid and secret life i lived for that time. as i pursue restored fellowship with God, not shallow as before, i feel i don’t deserve it, because of my secret sins and insincerity that let me attend church and listen to christian music, while at the same time having an unwholesome relationship. i also feel bad for not breaking up before and also leading the guy into sin.
Dave
My beatiful wife of 13 years died in my arms 3 months ago due to cancer. I was with her every step of the way and she died in my arms. We are both strong Christains and were faithful until “death due us part”. Yesterday, for the first time, a woman neighbor who is very attracted to me it seems came by the house now that I am single again and one thing led to another and we had sex. Even thought she is not married and techicnially I am no longer married either, I am feeling both sinful and betrayal. Sinful of course becasue I had sex outside of marriage, (which I know is wrong) and betrayal to my wife. What I need is to confess my sin of having sex outside of marriage, which is a no-no.
Susan
Hi there,
really need to confess this situation as I just feel that it’s such a hindrance to me and my relationship with my saviour.
I’ve been a Christian for 10 years, I’m 26 years old, a black woman from the UK. I am a virgin, and I’ve always been happy being a Christian and trying my best to serve God in spirit and in truth and to minister and encourage others in His Word.
My situation is that I masturbate, I want to hate the sin, and I pray about it, and I’ve fasted about it, but I still end up doing it. I’m very distressed about this because it’s something I long to be delivered from. I long to hate the sin, and cry once I’ve done it, but I know it’s a stronghold. Any prayers, or scriptures to guide me would be greatly appreciated
JC
Hi, I am dating a man who was raised conservatively but shys away from total “bible thumping”. I am attracted to his morals, passion and expressiveness, and I don’t find myself attracted to guys from church because they often seem repressed or boring to me. He and I seem to have a number of things in common and have good chemistry. We both say we’re “not in a hurry”, and I’m praying that we will be able to wait for sex. That we can build a deep spiritual connection. I do know that passion and physical touch are things we both really need, and sex is an important, integral part of a healthy marriage. Christian marriages can sometimes end because they don’t talk about their sexual needs– could be because they were so repressed about expressing their needs and desires in a sensitive way.
Please pray for God to shape our conversations and interactions in such a way that we will move simultaneously toward God and each other. I have a feeling he could be thinking “long-term”, even though we’ve only gone out a couple of times so far. The connection feels strong and we really enjoy each other. I get the feeling he would like to touch and explore more, as I believe he is motivated by wanting to please me, not just himself. Touch is definitely a love language for both of us. I just pray that he will be drawn to God through as many sources as possible in the coming weeks and months without him feeling like I just want to change him. I want him to feel this natural pull towards God and me, and have seeds of His love planted in his heart. His name is David.
John
Praying for you guys. Please return the favor.
I’m in the ministry, and had spent years of faithful celibacy in very patient waiting for the right woman (now 34). However, the last 1.5 years or so – I just flat out rebelled. I was just mad at God’s inaction towards my desires and needs and basically knowlingly slipped into sin with porn. It crept it’s way in. Sports articles had links to booky websites, which had adds to laddie magazines, which had links to soft porn, which had links to uglier stuff. It took months, but I eventually (usually with a tone of – ahh, just want to see what kind of stuff people are getting hooked on) fell. Before I knew it, I was visiting those sites myself.
Now, I’ve met her. She is worth every minute of the wait – and I’m so disapponted in myself for having given up the good fight just months before meeting her. When she entered my life, I snapped into shape and went months without even a desire to look at the wrong stuff.. But, I had a tough week, was stressed, and ended up binging on some porn. I’m in unbelief at my actions and losing faith in myself. I’m repentant but scared that my heart has become caloused. I know God can deliver me, and can allow me to be intimate and share my soul with her but I feel I’ve built a wall to hide the ugliness of my slip ups. I to feel washed in grace, need to be freed.
Oasis Singles
Hi John:
Praying for you. Read this article and listen to this podcast:
https://christian-dating-service-plus.com/how-to-stop-porn-addiction-as-christian-singles.htm
Here for you,
David
Oscar
Hi,
I am 27 years old, A born again Christian living in kenya.
I have dated for 6 years a lady who loves THE LORD JESUS CHRIST SO MUCH. However, for that last one year, we have been caressing, kissing and exciting each other sexually. Last week we fell into sexual sin and in a span of a week we did it thrice. We repented of it in all the occassions but now we both need urgent prayer and help since i am not too sure if she visits my house we shall be safe. we dont want to engage in this sinful act again. please pray with us.
Danielle
Several years ago I was struggling a LOT with sexual sin in relationships and masturbation and sexual fantasies, etc. but the Lord really delivered me (I was a christian through this time) and brought me to a place where I was only satisfied with Him and disgusted with the thought of my old sinful habits. I barely even had desire to do those things for the past 4 years since my deliverance. Sure, I fell occassionally, but few and far between and I repented and got right back up. But lately for the past 3 months I have been struggling with masturbation, sex fantasies, etc. to the point that it is almost addictive and difficult to control. I know that this is sin even in small amts. but I just feel like…powerless…even though I know the power of Christ lives in me. Every DAY I recite scripture and pray and repent and ask for the Holy Spirit’s empowerment..and say I will be obedient and that I need to deny myself this pleasure, but as soon as I feel the slightest bit of “turned on” (and sometimes this doesn’t even take me trying to get this way) I feel like I have to “take care of it”. HELP! I have been praying for my husband to come along for years, (I am almost 22) and I don’t wnat to marry just anyone, but someone who really loves the Lord and lives life centered on the gospel…when will I find him so I can give in to all these awful cravings? (although then it will be a HOLY craving 🙂 Please pray for me and my freedom from bondage.
Fayre Pawson
Hi to all on this site, I am so thankful that I am not alone in the sins of the flesh and know how it feels we have let ourselves down and our Lord and Saviour. I know I have fallen so much from grace over these past few years, but I want to do what is right, but temptation is always there waiting!! Please pray for me as well, we are all in this together, and may I say what a wonderful ministry you have David.
Liz
I am a 19 year old girl whose faith is the most important thing in my life. However, the sin of masturbation has had a hold on me for a long time. It has come and gone, but I really desperately want to be free of it. I don’t have anyone in this new city that keeps me accountable for anything and it feels like I am alone in fighting this, especially since I am a girl and girls aren’t supposed to struggle with this. I want to stop. I want God’s love to be enough to make me stop, but I keep coming back to this.
Allison
My boyfriend & I have been dating for 5 years. He asked me if I could strip. He didn’t force me. I want to know whether stripping is a sin.
Oasis Singles
Allison:
If you were married that would be fine! But you’re not. If your man wants to see you naked, tell him to “man up” and marry you. Otherwise, I fear you are wasting your time
David
Sarah
Hi…I am a 24 year old Christian. I am a virgin, but have always, even since childhood struggled with having sexual thoughts, viewing ponography, etc. Now I struggle with masturbation and with viewing porn. Recently I became “friends with benefits” with a guy I know. We haven’t had intercourse, but we have done everything else…and it is possible that we may be having sex in the near future. I know that I can get myself out of this, but I don’t. Its like I want to do this, but I don’t want to want to??? I have never justified myself in what I am doing. I know it is not good for me, or for the guy – who is not a Christian and does not know that I am. But I still want to do this. I can’t help myself. I keep thinking, well what if I never marry? Then I would still want to know what sex is like…I live in Newfoundland and there are hardly any Christians here, let alone people I could speak to about this. I just don’t know what to do. I don’t know what the consequences will be in the end…I could really use advice and prayer.
Anon
I have just browsing the internet when I came across this website and have read a lot of stories about abstinence until marriage and I just wanted to share my story. I became a Christian when I was 30 and had previous relationships until then. When I gave my life to the Lord I did not have a relationship until I met my Christian husband. We fell in love, talked about having children, both attended fellowship weekly and were BOTH full on for God. We got married and it was not even 3 months after we were married he told me he did not want to have children with me, and he would also withhold from me sexually, physically and emotionally.
This caused terrible STRIFE in our marriage. After nearly 10 years he finally left and moved overseas and now has a new wife. I however have been left heartbroken, with no children, no family (which was the desire of my heart), and left to sell the matrimonial home and all our possessions. Now I am very lonely and yearn for a partner in every way. “Hope deferred makes the heart sick”. I know that abstinence before marriage and to marry a christian partner, equally yoked is God’s way but it certainly did not work for me !!!!!!
PS
I am a born-again Christian who has struggled with masturbation since I was very young, at least 6 or 7 seven years old. When I discovered that it was wrong for me to put so much energy into fulfilling a sexual desire that God had intended to be shared between a man and woman, I became ashamed, and asked him for forgiveness. I have done so several times, and I am now at the point of despair where I honestly don’t know if I will ever get over this problem. Furthermore, I feel as if a man will never want to love me or marry me if he knew about this struggle…Right now I am just trying to hold on to the knowledge that Christ will help me, but I’ve messed up and repented so many times that sometimes I wonder if he won’t just give up on me.
Angie
Hi all,
This site may be the answer to a prayer that I have prayed for awhile, a place to unburden my load…
About 3 years ago, my husband of 27 years took off without any warning, he was gone for about a week without any word, did not answer my frantic calls. He travelled quite a bit for his job and was supposed to be on a business trip but this time he took off for out-of-state with a woman from his office. He eventually came back after it was revealed that, over the course of the last 8 years, he had had numerous affairs with women he met on the Internet. He was also involved with Internet porn, meeting with prostitutes and frequented nudist beaches. He also had opened no less than 12 credit cards and maxed them out, including one that we both shared. I am being totally honest here, please believe me that it is all truth.
After he returned, he apologized and said he didn’t know what he was doing and wanted to try to “make things right”. We went for counseling thru our pastor and I continued to stress about whether or not he would come home each night, as he took off several times after that. Finally, after seeing the negative effects his actions were having on the kids (5 of them), when he called me from out-of-state one night after he took off I told him that he would have to either stay away or come back and seriously get the help he needed. That was his ticket to say that “I kicked him out” and he promptly moved into his girlfriend’s home in Florida. He then filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy, leaving me to face harrassing phone calls and letters from debt collectors. I also had to face being the sole supporter of 5 kids while maintaining a household and full-time job.
After our divorce was finalized I felt as if I was in a state of numbness, desperately wanting support and for my church family to reach out to us. All that we received was meals (supper) for a week, dropped off “in a hurry” without anything more than a “hang in there, call us if you need anything”. After all of the years of my ministering to others with counsel, teaching, service, etc., not one individual came to us out of all of the churches I have helped. People didn’t even call to see how we were. I think that that was what sent me into a spiral of anger against Christianity. I was betrayed and rejected by my Christian husband and now rejected by my Church family. I am still carrying around feelings that I am not part of the family, I am not like them anymore, I am divorced, I do not belong and neither do my kids. I am tired of trying to fit in anymore and because of my divorce I never will, as my thinking goes.
When a non-believer who had gone thru a similar situation asked me out, I accepted, as I figured no Christian man would ever want me, I am now tarnished goods. We eventually became sexually involved and, even though I’m struggling with guilt at least I am feeling appreciated for something, even if it is for companionship. I have been trying to keep up with all of the kids’ needs as well as keep the household running by learning to do repairs myself.
Thru all of this, believe it or not, I have not blamed God or tried to figure it all out. I remember a line from one of Dan Allender’s books…don’t try to figure evil out, it is just evil. Now I just have to learn to forgive everyone, my ex, other Christians, myself, and to make things right in the Lord’s eyes. It is so hard, but thanks for letting me get all of this out.
Sharon
HI there,
I stubbled on this website by chance…. I was Looking for help.
I am a single Woman in my Early 30?s . I am asking God why am I single…all I think about is being married….
I have struggle for the Past 18 years with Porn. My Friends showed me is when I was a school and it has been a horrible curiousity in my life since then.
I want so much TO be married and sometimes I haev felt Angry With God… for not having that someon To share intimate time and be my Friend an dHave kids and laugh etc… inmyb mind I wonder if @ 45 I will be single and I feel like I am gonna burn with all the sexual feelings all pent up inside and I wonder how to Get rid of them. In the Bible it talks about Lust adn That thinking it is As Bad as doign it [paraphrase] so I have been thinking…why not just Do it.
I love the Lord and Being a Christian but I wonder if I shoudl just leave church coz this Sin is Too bad I keep the time and I am ashamed of myself… I keep asking for forgiveness but I wonder how long he is gonna keep listening to me. Maybe all the Bad stuff happening in my life is a curse because of my sins
Recently, I met a man online we met and although we didn’t Go all the way, we did enough (if you get my meaning) He has been very lovely and in some respects it was good but the fact is I don’t think God is happy coz we are not Married. I am Scared I will do something like this again and Go the whole way because I am Lonely and I want someone to love me someone To wake up to, someone to hug me someone to talk to, Someone I can be there for, someone who will want me to be part of their life
I my mind I have started to wonder (stupidly so) does this whole no sex before Marriage apply to single Christians over 30, Over 40, and Over 50…. How Do people deal with this? Everyone keeps saying he’s busy Doing something for the Lord…. I am busy…but at night in my bed and when I wake up there is still no one there… although I have a lot of friends, I am Still on my own and I feel envious when Friends tell me abut their relationships, or they are getting married. and ask God when is it going to be My turn…Am I such a bad person or so ugly that I am unloveable? Or is my sin preventing me from meeting anyone?
Sorry my thoughts are not in a coherant chain of words… But Today, my Struggle has been extra hard… if you single, over 30, No men in your church (well single men That you woud want o marry) , no-one in the pipeline for you to marry, not dating anyone, SINGLE SINGLE. How does one Cope with their Sexual side? How do you get these feelings to go away…. PLEASE CAN SOMEONE HELP ME
Ana
I have been masturbating for about 6 months now and the worst part about it is I’m a girl. I didn’t think that it was possible for girls to even do this but one day I got “curious” and did it and now it has been on and off. I can go several days without doing this sick thing to myself but then I do it anyways. And I know it’s wrong but I just can’t seem to help myself…And I started using bad pictures to “get off” and it’s horrible. I don’t need them but I feel like this “need” for masturbation will never go away and it scares me.
Also, my dad molested me when I was little. I can’t seem to forgive him for what he did. Well…I have but I don’t want to talk to him or see him or even acknowledge that he’s my father…so I guess you could say it’s not real forgiveness…but I just don’t want a relationship with the man who stole my innocence away.
I’ve also lost my relationship with God…well not lost but I can’t seem to have the relationship with him I used to have. It’s all my fault too…I never seem to have the time for him My family doesn’t go to a church anymore, I don’t have someone Christian who I can talk to. I feel like no matter how many times I’ve said the prayer accepting God into my life I’m not good enough. And look at me…How can I be? I masturbate, I’m a liar, I’m not nice all the time, I screw up. How can he love me? How can he even be in the same room as me? I’m so disgusting, he is so clean. I don’t feel good enough….Ijust need help. But I don’t know where to go or who to turn to anymore. I feel like no matter how many times I pray God can’t hear me or he’s not listening…like it’s too late to fix what I started. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I want to be happy, I want God back in my life again. I just don’t want to be lost anymore.
Isis
Hi Ana
I don’t know why or how I found this but I did and now I feel obligated to write to you. From your letter, it’s painfully obvious that you are hurting and you need not be. Jesus came to die for sinners, not saints. You, like all of us screw up. I’ve been a Christian for 21 years and I screw up; that’s not what makes us Christian. A Christian is a follower of Jesus, not a perfect, clean, person. Let me explain. Have you heard of David, like in the guy who killed the giant? Well, he screwed up. He committed adultery and murder. God called him a man after His heart. Read Romans 7:14-21, Paul was the guy who wrote 13 of the New Testament books, he said he was a mess. Isaiah the prophet said he was screwed too, read Isaiah 6:1-9. My point is you have a false sense of what a Christian is. If you love Jesus He promises to wash away all your sins even masturbation )1John 1:9). I am sorry about what was done to you by your father, and I feel for you. But God is not like your father, he sees you not as an object but as a child, a child whom he loves and wants to protect and hold and cherish. You don’t overcome your masturbating by stopping it, you stop by replacing it with something better; like your walk with God, worship, bible ready, and seeking God’s help through prayer. You might also want to find a Christian woman who can help you process your feelings. Believe me, God loves you and there is nothing you can ever do to make Him love you any less!! Now get on your knees and tell him how you feel, tell him the pain that brings you to this habit, and ask for his forgiveness and help. Read 1cor. 10:13.
God loves you, child, He wants to show you his love–reach out to Him you will be surprised how loved you are.
David
Hello my name is David, and God bless you for your encouraging words. I must confess I masturbate and at the moment am slipping back into the usage of pornographic material. I know this is wrong, but I always feel I will overcome it. There will always be time to deal with it in the future and am secure about my salvation. It is just so plain to me, do not be deceived the sexually immoral will not inherit the kingdom of God. Dont by nature we realize masturbation is sexually immoral. How can I witness to a fornicator, or a homosexual and tell them to repent if the plank in my eye is so big you could walk across it? I want to be able to control myself, but this feeling comes over me “Just one more time” and a couple of days and weeks then bam I do it again. I have the same problem with smoking cigarettes, I’ve felt this nagging on my heart to quit, but am so secure in my salvation, that it’s like well I’m not going to hell, might as well light up. But truely I want to please God not with lip service but in deed. Thank you for giving me a forum to spill my guts, please pray for me I know the prayers of the righteous availeth much.
Thank you and God Bless
Michelle
Hi, I am a 29-year-old female and a virgin. I started having cybersex with a friend I had feelings for, I felt it was the only way to be connected to him since he did not feel the same way about me. We both get off during these sessions and it gives me temporary pleasure, but makes me feel guilty after. I am not in a relationship with anyone else and feel so lonely sometimes that in my mind I feel its okay.
Tess
Hi Ann,
I remember once hearing at youth group years back that “Girls give sex to get love and guys give love to get sex” and it stuck with me as a warning bell. Sadly it can be all too true. We men and women are wired so differently! I think the hard part about what you have experienced is that you have allowed yourself to be used unwisely by a selfish guy. My mentor recently said to me “Guys don’t care what the mantlepiece looks like as long as the fire is hot” and although this is not true of all men, they don’t always see how they are hurting you by feeding their desires. I would suggest that you avoid communicating with him online – it very hard to stop the cybersex if you keep up the contact as you will slip back into old habits, and as you have discovered, your justifications do make you end up feeling empty (the devil sure loves to fuel that fire that we are lonely and God is taking too long to bring someone into our lives so we’ll take slaking our desires into our own hands). You deserve the best! A real guy who has a real, deep, passionate love for you and will treat you well – in the real world. Take care – you’re worth it!
Machaela
Help Me!! I thought that I was over this masturbation problem that I had, but sometimes it just comes back so forcefully. Sometimes I just feel like I just want to be married and done so I don’t have to deal with it anymore. I am currently in a long-distance relationship with a guy that I used to do sexual things with, but we have had a lot of conversations and we have tried to put those things behind us and not do them anymore. Sometimes when I go back to visit we slip up once or twice.
It first started when I started dating him and our relationship got hot and heavy and we started touching and stuff and I also used to watch pornography. I have gotten over that part. However, I am still struggling with masturbation. Sometimes I will go for months at a time without doing anything but then i fall back into the trap, especially when I think about my boyfriend and the things we used to do.
Sometimes I don’t even have to think about him, but my body just starts to act up and I just can’t seem to get over it. Sometimes for days I really struggle and I pray and ask God to deliver me and sometimes after a week of struggling, I just give in. Sometimes I feel like breaking it off with my boyfriend but we are also thinking about getting married within the next year.
God has begun doing something in my life but every time I slip up I feel so far from him. I am at the point where I plan on telling one of my very good friends, everything and admitting everything to her. I am a very secretive person but I can’t handle this anymore, please pray for me.
Elana
Hey Sarah:)
Aw, you sound like you’ve been through quite a bit. I read your blog…but one of the comments that really struck me was at the end when you said you don’t know if you can resist the temptation. I know exactly how you feel.
I grew up in the church and went to a private Christian school-and high school. I was always rebelling against what i was brought up to learn and love. Now at 19, I realize how important Christ is in my life. Unfortunately, I’ve made quite a few mistakes that are now taking a toll on my struggle with leading a righteous life for God.
I envy you for even finding these Christian men! I never once have dated a man who’s a believer. I’ve had 3 boyfriends since i started high school. My most recent one (let’s call him Nathan :p:) and i have just recently broken up. I keep telling myself there is no point in dating or pursuing these guys (unbelievers) because i know deep down in my heart i would never marry someone who doesn’t have faith so so many reasons.
Nathan and I ended things on a good note, but i find it so hard to resist the temptation of going to his house for dinner, or going out for a late coffee at his house and ending up spending the night. he’s introduced me to so many new things sexually and i fear that im never going to experience them with anyone else again. But i feel so ashamed when i come back home from him.
Im trying so hard to get my life back on track. I want conviction and forgiveness. I know it will be given to me but Im in so much pain from displeasing God I’ve started a ten-day fast. I feel i need to humble myself and really listen for God’s voice.
I can totally relate to how you feel. I wish I hadn’t been so foolish when i was younger, or even in the past six months. I let myself fall in love with desire and the world. Now I have to focus so hard to hear God in the midst of all my chaos.
I;ll pray for you this week while I fast.
Stay focused,
Elana Clair
Billy
I have masturbating for a year and had viewed pornography for four years. I’m a shame. When I discovered these two activities, I didn’t know what they were and how harmful they can be. I repent constantly, but dwindle in hope or faith due to relapses. Sometimes I believe I’m a burden towards the lord. I sometimes believe I do severe harm against him. Each time I pray I beginning to believe there is no point because I think god won’t answer my prayers. Prayers to drop the porn as well a masturbation and follow him, to have a magnificent relationship with him.
I can not accept being called a Christian because I can’t be righteous in private unlike being who I need to be in public. I can’t accept being called a great son, brother, or friend like my family says, because I live a lie each day. I lie to them each day. It saddens me horribly, to not really be who people perceive me to be. I get scared to go to anyone for help even my brother and sisters or even, fearing that I would be rejected or transformed into a permanent outcast.
I would really appreciate if you pray for me. I want to be who God wanted me to be, not the boy who views trash on the internet within the darkness. I no longer want to be the boy who participates in an activity perceived as normal by the world. I declare in the name of lo
Ella
Wow. It feels great to know I am not the only one.
Isabelle
Hi all,
I am so blessed to come across this site. I struggled with sexual chats with strangers, porn, and masturbation while living in the dorms in college about 7 years ago… this continued until 4 years ago. I felt sooooo guilty afterwards every time. And I kept praying for repentence. Finally I ended up moving in with my family, and with no real alone time, I ended up giving up the habit which was great. When I had the house to myself, I had to face the temptation again, but God helped me through it.
Ever since I have had only pure thoughts, because I listen to Christian music, or classical, read the bible or christian fiction, pray and DO NOT watch ANY movies that talk about sex, sexual parts, or implied sexuality. Also, I have been single the entire time…
Fast forward to 2 months ago. I met an awesome Christian guy. We have been dating for only a month (we hung out a month before dating) and the most we have done is hold hands. However, that itself is too much for me, and all of the lustful thoughts that I felt dissappeared years ago have allllll come back. Just being close to him (because I really like him and he’s attractive) gets me ‘turned on’ and holding his hands or caressing hands is wayyy too much for me.
I am a technical virgin but did stuff with other guys years ago before vowing to abstain and now I can’t stop thinking about my boyfriend sexually. I feel HORRIBLE about my thoughts because he is a new Christian and I worry that I will lead him into sin if I don’t learn how to control my lustful thoughts which may become lustful actions. Please pray for me because I think he could end up being my husband in the future but since we are not married now, these thoughts are just lustful and defiling to God, and if we don’t get married, I would hate to cause him to sin sexually or even get his lustful thoughts rolling again (he confessed to being addicted to porn in the past). thanks for letting me confess and please pray that I replace these horrible thoughts with Godly ones.
Tiffany
I am 17, and well I’ve been struggling for the past 5 years with pornography, and masturbation, it is taken a toll on my life and it seems like I have nowhere to run, or hide. After reading a few of these letters i can’t help it, im writing. my grandparents are the most godly people i know and the church they go to, the pastor, and God’s message. i miss out on that I wished many times i would of never started. All I’m asking is for prayer,
Ash
My secret sin is I do not feel beautiful unless someone is looking at me sexually.I have done things sexually that are despicable just so others would think I was cool or different or to make them love me. I’m addicted to sexual things
Katie
I am a 24 year old single female. My secret sine is this: Our church is extremely strict, and I’ve been taught to keep myself pure until marriage. I have never had sex, but I struggle with habitual masturbation and reading erotic stories online. Every time it happens, I cry to God, ask for his forgiveness and try to cleanse myself, but I still feel unworthy. I keep on falling into the same trap over and over. I want to live a pure and holy life for Him. I am also at an age where I really want to get married and have a family but I have feelings that God is somehow punishing me for my actions. Please pray for me so I can overcome this and serve God with my entire being.
Damaged Goods
I am 15. I have been in the church since I was 3 with a foster family. I live with my dad now. I got saved last year. I am having a very hard struggle with homosexuality, bisexual how can I work that out with God? I also have a very hard struggle with sex how do I keep from having the encounters? I have always had a battle with drugs alcahol and nicotene addiction I have been doing well but how do I keep from submitting to the temptations?