Dating Advice: How to Break Up
A famous 50s break up song gives us this little bit of dating advice on how to break up: “Breaking up is hard to do.” No, ya think?
Whether you are a Christian single couple in a courtship or an online dating relationship, how you break up a relationship will be emotionally painful for both of you. If you are contemplating a break up of your dating relationship, considering the following dating advice may help you avoid a wrong decision, while making it as easy and painless as possible.
6 Dating Advice Tips on Break Ups and Ending a Relationship
Ask the Lord for wisdom ( see James 1:5)
As a single Christian, praying for guidance and wisdom in the matter of a break up should be the very first course of action before making any dating decisions. You will be less likely to make a mistake if you do so.
Discuss the break up possibility with family and friends
God often leads through our parents’ dating advice, even if they are not Christians. Proverbs teaches that there is wisdom in using a multiplicity of counselors, so also discuss the possibility of a break up with trusted Christian friends. They may very well give you some much needed advice that helps you make a decision, or puts the relationship in a completely different light. Be sure to use these valuable resources.
Be honest, but speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15)
Never bash your dating partner personally, which will only hurt them even more and affect their self worth for quite some time. Do you really want to do that? Instead, tenderly explain why you feel God’s leading you to end the relationship. As you do this, remember the “Golden Rule”, and how it would feel if someone was breaking up with you.
While face to face conversation allows for far better closure, if that is not possible, a handwritten letter is the next best thing. A typed or emailed “Dear John” letter is seen as cold and mean.
Don’t delay the inevitable
Okay, you’ve prayed over the break up. You’ve discussed the issues with family, minister and friends. You know what you need to do. Delaying the obvious now will not only cause more pain for both of you, but will delay the healing process. By acting now, you give the Lord opportunity to begin leading both of you to the soulmates He has in mind.
Many delay break ups because they may be using the other person until “something better” comes along. Another reason for delayed break ups is that the other person is manipulating by putting the person who wants the break up on a “guilt trip” to remain in an unhealthy dating situation.
Make a clean break
Right, this is going to be hard, but you must be strong here because it is in the best interests of both to move forward. This means after the break up there should be no face to face meetings (if possible), no emails, telephone calls, letters, etc. While some couples may agree to remain friends, the data suggests that in over 90% of breakups, this fails miserably, and only lengthens the healing process.
Learn from the dating experience
Use this dating experience to learn from your mistakes, and build on the future. What has the Lord taught you about yourself? What has he taught you about what you need in a husband or a wife? If you’ve sexually sinned in this relationship, remember Jesus forgives and cleanses (1John 1:9). Finally, thank Him for the bright plans He has for you (Jer. 29:11).
Are you single with dating advice to share about break ups? Feel free to comment here.
Related Posts:
Dating Tip: Learning How to Argue and Fight
Dating Advice: When to Dump a Dating Relationship
How should you handle your first relationship after a big break-up?
-Don’t compare
-Slowly but sure
-Do it differently
-Don’t make trouble
-Learn from the past
Ending a relationship is never easy but the pain does go away. It goes away faster if you start dating again. You’ll find you feel better about yourself and your confidence is boosted right away.
what if we attend the same church?
What if we’re in the same band and attend the same church?
Like people have written before, what if you are at the same church, club, band, whatever? Asking for a clean break completely, forever is a little impractical.
I also have no idea where you got the 90% failure rate of friendships. I would say it’s more around 50% or less, if there is some time taken at the beginning to start the healing process separately.
I would suggest you try and make a clean break and completely cut contact (as much as you can) for 1-2 months. This means personal contact between the two of you. You might want to avoid going to church or home group during this time too, but this isn’t always necessary, especially if you civily agree between the two of you that it is not necessary - you will just be civil in those situations.
After the agreed time get together, in a public space and give yourselves some closure. There might be a few questions that you might want answered, and closure is good for peace of mind. Then see if you can work on friendship from that point. If you had been together for a long time and the break up wasn’t messy they CAN become a friend. It might be a bit tricky at first, but you will adjust to them being a friend if that is something you both want. In my personal experience ALL the instances where the for desire friendship has been mutual, friendship has been achieved (it takes time! So give yourselves space and time)
What is in world is all this about being civil and “trying” to be friends after a break? Where is the love of CHRIST? Where is the AGAPE that we all strive for? If it isn’t present in a relationship, then a break is warranted. How can two walk together unless they agree? Come now people, if you are walking on eggshells or are unable to be a sister or brother in Christ to one that you once shared many of your waking hours with, what kind of a relationship did you have to begin with? It certainly wasn’t a biblical courtship. The relationships many of you speak of seem to swing more towards the carnal and not the spiritual. In biblical courtship, you weigh each other with God’s word. Not to be confused with judgment or finding faults, but you weigh them according to God’s word and His will for walk and ministry in His Kingdom.
Tricky? Since when does something that God has put together have remnants of trickery? If you are a friend to someone, there are no tricks in solidifying what God has put together.
Public space? Closure? This is all so secular? Who gave you a spirit of fear? Who gave you the need to “seek” closure? The ENEMY. Our relationships with one another should never be closed, but open to pray, one unto another. I pray for the men I have parted with and even the father of my children. I do not fear them, despise them, or wish them ill will. I love them as Christ loves me.
Be elevated in your faith and your way of thinking. God’s thoughts are not our thoughts, but it is His desire for us to line ourselves up with Him and seek counsel on what to say with wisdom and on each and every step we are to make in our lives.