Dating After Divorce

dating after divorce

Dating after divorce for Christians is wrought with theological and emotional minefields. So before discussing dating tips for the newly divorced, let us express our simple views on what we feel the Bible teaches about divorce and remarriage. A future article will discuss this in depth.

The bottom line is God hates divorce (Mal. 2:16), and desires couples to reconcile if at all possible. However, under certain circumstances where there has been unrepentant infidelity, the offended party may divorce and remarry. Of course, no one remarries without first going through a dating or courtship process.

Finally, we believe dating after divorce should never be an end in itself, but should be part of a process that leads toward a lifelong commitment in marriage. Okay, ready to talk about some dating tips?

Dating After Divorce Tips

Take it Slow

Hello? You’ve just experienced the death of a relationship that you thought would last forever. You NEED time to grieve and heal. What we teach folks in Family Divorce Court classes is that they should do their best to avoid a dating after divorce relationship for at least one year after their divorce. Why?

Because you need to reacquaint yourself with who you are as a single person. For so long you may of thought in terms of “us”, but you are now alone. It’s a time for soul searching, taking stock of what went wrong and seeking the Lord for new direction in your life (Proverbs 3:5,6).
Not dating during this period of adjustment will save you from making stupid, impulsive mistakes. Remember, whether you admit it or not, you are in a vulnerable, needy state, and your self esteem has taken a beating. You could be taken advantage of during this time, and hearts could be further broken.
Even though you may be doubting your appeal to the opposite sex at this time, getting into rebound relationships will only delay your healing process. That’s a fact. Furthermore, statistics show that the vast majority of people who date shortly after a separation and/or divorce have a difficult time remaining sexually pure, make regrettable moral choices and tend to repeat prior relationship mistakes.
When you are finally ready to date again, you may want to consider the benefits of online dating. By starting online, you can proceed at your own pace in the safety of your own home.

Think of your children first

If you have children, the very worst thing you could inflict upon them is dating before you and they have properly healed and acclimated to a new way of life. Most kids dream about mommy and daddy getting back together again. That’s why they need time to face reality. When the time does come to introduce the children to your dating partner, this article on single parents dating and their kids may help.

Join a support group

There are many Christian singles groups specifically designed for the newly divorced, whether they have children or not. These can be a wonderful help to you and your family. Groups like DivorceCare.com meet all over the world and offer emotional and spiritual support. Here you can also meet people in your area who are struggling with similar dating issues.

If you are a single divorcee or Christian with views to share on dating after divorce, please help other singles by voicing your comments.

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Comments

8 Responses to “Dating After Divorce”

Bill on June 2nd, 2007 6:59 am

Your statement:
“under certain circumstances where there has been unrepentant infidelity, the offended party may divorce and remarry”
raises many issues. Can you recommend further resources to explore in more depth?
Divorcee on September 6th, 2007 6:16 am

Someone to share intimacy with is a human biological necessity. Just make sure you are already ready for it so that you will not be taken advantage of.
Divorce not final yet on October 22nd, 2008 3:11 pm

Dating after divorce? I am going through the process now and i say to anyone divorcing pray for your ex and yourself so that you may both be healed yes you feel torn,distroyed,hurt,discouraged etc You have to remember God through prayer can bring you to a place of peace and restoration.I will continue to pray for my ex and others going through.Be blessed
Jossy on February 18th, 2009 9:46 am

Actual divorce is one of the painful experience a couple can have.
Some people even killed themself because they can not live to face the circumstances that is the reason God Himself hates it because it shatters the spirit,Divides the soul and Destroys the body of the party involve.
But if happens all we can do is to get back to God,He knows where things went wrong ofcourse everything lays bare before Him including the broken marriage.I believe He knows Yea.He knows and Him alone can make it good if He desires.And He knows how to heal our brokeness.So all we need is to confide on God He can .Thnks God bless u
Myrna on May 6th, 2009 12:55 pm

Hi am separated and soon to be divorced. I have 2 wonderful kids 10 & 12years old, a boy and girl. They are struggling because they also would like us to be reunited but it is impossible. Their dad has decided he wants the single life and I’ve prayed about it but he will not change his mind. He is blind to the fact that he has torn our family apart. He has always been a self-centered person and I’ve probably known all along that this would occur but I wanted to keep my family intact. After a healing period I do want to love again and be in a loving committed relationship and show my children how remarkable and gratifying it could be and how wonderful to be able to share that with them. Unfortunately their dad has thought it would be beneficial to separate himself from them as well.
beaner on May 17th, 2009 11:04 am

Regarding dating after divorce, I wasn’t expecting to be ever in this situation. But I am. Life does go on. One thing has help me, is not to feel sorry for myself. Trust in the promises of God. He doesn’t leave you. He knows the hurt and pain that goes along with divorce. Take time to heal. Don’t give up. There someone out there you will want to live the rest of his/her life with you. We are made for marriage and we need intimate companionship which bring fulfillment to the life we live. Hope this little note give you comfort and encouragement. blessings
Edith Noriega on May 18th, 2009 12:15 am

I am also divorced and think these things happen for a reason. I was a non-believer and was married to one. After 10 yrs of marriage our marriage failed because of Adultery on his part. After the divorce my life felt empty like there was no hope nothing to live for. Until one day my sister invited me to Church she was a Christian before I was. So I thought sure I will go this time and I won’t go back well needless to say I never stopped going to Church from that day on and I’ve been saved by the Grace of God and now I am a Christian it took 37 yrs for me to get saved I realized God has a plan for us and makes us go through trials and tribulations for a reason and he also put it in my heart it I wouldn’t of gotten a divorce I would have never gotten saved. So I say to you I would much rather loose a husband then loose my salvation a man can’t get you saved, but our LORD JESUS CHRIST can. I thank the LORD everyday for making me go through what I went through so I can finally get to know him on a more personal level and let me tell you the LORD has been faithful. Remember Vengeance is mine the LORD says it sure is ask my ex-husband he has shown me and has been so faithful in his words. So I encourage you to think of all the hard times you are going through and just remember GOD has something better for you in your life. So I thank the LORD for saving me from my sins and for being such a merciful father with us his sinning children. Thank you JESUS for being my LORD and SAVIOR. GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
wendy on January 13th, 2010 11:14 pm

Dear friends! Thank you so much for sharing! It has inspired me to share my experience, too. When I, as a Christian had todivorce 4 and a half years ago from my christian ex husband, I was totally devastated. He left me in a very cruel and traumatic manner, which I resented. But still I loved him, so I prayed for us to get together. That never happened. After my extreme grief, I felt dead, so even suicide didn’t make sense. I was already dead inside. During all this pain God never left me. Some people did and there was a lot to forgive. The forgiving process started very soon, otherwise I would have tried to avenge. The pain was so extreme, that I could not think properly. So God took me inti His arms of love, and told me: “You will forgive him today”, so I did. This was a few weeks after he mooved from what was supposed to be our home. And ever since I have prayed for him. Blessings, restitution, love, godlyness, everything. It healed me more then I could have dreamed of. It was like a huge baggage going off with every little prayer. For years I was scared for relationships. Some days I just kept saying “I forgive. I forgive” and I named everything I forgave him for. Now after all these years, I still do that, when I remember something that hurts me, but it’s very seldom now.
My advice to you: FORGIVE. It will set you free and God will take care of the rest. I am dating a very sweet man now, but I do not pretend to even kiss him for a long time. My heart is very awaken and wise up, since I do want the man God has for me. His way is perfect (even though neither my husband to be, nor I am). God can use perfectly imperfect people, restitute, heal and lead into a good marriage!
It has taken me so many years to finally begint o date, because I thought I was not supposed to. Even though my ex husband wanted me back after 6 months, I could not trust him anymore. My forgiveness wasn’t finished at all by then. So I clearly let him know that it was too late. Specifically I saw his character was still shalow, so I felt unsafe with him.
After years, wat made me open up for christian dating was reading I Corinthians 7. The whole passage about marriage or singlehood (=not marriage, as in ministry for the Lord). There are so many persons in this passage: men, ladies, husbands, wives, and “virgins”. In prayer I felt, that the healing process the Lord had started in me, was producing the state of “virginity” in my life. So, as a virgin I may marry. I want to and I believe I will, in Christ!
By the way, isn’t it interesting that the words of marriage in Ephesians 5: 22-33 are right before the chapter of Spiritual warfare? This is no coincidence, I believe. The evil one is delibeartely destroying marriages and the best way of stopping it is by marrying the one God has for us! Seek FIRST His Kingdom! (Not your hormones, not your lust, not your self, not your ego, not your instinct, not your will, not your plan, not your own idea).

In Christ alone,

Sister Wendy of God´s grace