As a divorced, Christian male in his late 40’s I have observed that in Western culture we have lost respect for and a Godly perspective of the institution of Christian marriage itself. I am very disappointed with the direction our culture is going and I think the Apostle Paul saw some of the same problems in his time that we see today.

There are many competing philosophies and attitudes today that make the dating/marriage landscape somewhat harder for singles to navigate. Here is a few of them: its okay to shack up, anti-male attitudes, unfair divorce laws, if it feels good do it promoted by media, social prejudices towards singles, and so on.

Paul, I believe wanted Christians to see that ideally marriage was an institution that God constructed to benefit men and women by being married and loving each other faithfully.

On the other hand, Paul knew that because of sin and social changes and upheaval that men and women who are Christians should always walk very carefully and see if and how marriage can fit into their lives. May God bless you and show you His plan for your life whether single or married!!!

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In addition to those feelings, another sign of a codependent relationship in dating is that the one or both daters will be seeking constant approval from the other, and feel worthless if they don’t receive it.  Having a codependent relationship means that you feel you cannot live without this person and seek constant approval towards you actions.

Avoiding Codependent Relationships

If you are a single Christian interested in avoiding codependent relationships, try the following:

• Allow for time away from your date in order to develop your own self worth and value.  If you have to spend every waking hour with the other person, you are in a codependent relationship.
• Never stay in a dating relationship out of fear of being alone
• Never stay in a relationship with someone who has struck you…even once. People stay in abusive dating relationships due to codependency.
• Allow your closest friends and family members to objectively examine whether you are with the other person because you “want to” or because you “need to”. If you are in a dating relationship with that other Christian single person because of the latter, this is a codependent dating relationship, and needs to be terminated if you wish to avoid future pain.

Overall, codependent relationship are always  unhealthy, and impede personal and interpersonal growth. However, if you practice the above points, you will go a long way toward avoiding a painful codependent relationships.

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In light of the above our advice is to save your time, and go with the top three  largest Christian dating services out there, which means you will pay something, but your chances of meeting a  lifelong soulmate ( which is why you’re on this  free Christian dating advice  site to begin with, right :)) are vastly improved.  There are simply more Christian dating pros using these kinds of services than getting frustrated with the others. At least that’s the word out there from other Christian singles who have  been there and done that with so called 100 percent free online Christian dating services.

Top Paid Christian dating services:

eHarmony
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Christian Cafe

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1)

“I just want to ask for your prayers. I am a born again Christian and have been for almost 10 years. I attend church regularly and have a relationship with God inside and outside of church. I am a born leader and have spoken to many singles for the past 5 years about the advantages of abstinence and how God desires us to wait until we marry to have sex. I have encouraged people and helped many of them to stop fornicating, with the Lord’s help.

“I feel like the first two years of my abstinence was a struggle, but with God’s help I have been pretty strong for about 10 years. Now that year 10 is upon me, I feel so weak.

I am not in a relationship right now and havent really had one in 10 years because once guys realize that sex isnt part of the relationship, they first try to convince me that it is not a sin and then when I don’t give in they leave. Some of them have even tried to talk down to me stating that I am going to grow old and alone because of my choice. (these are “Christian” guys saying this)

“I’m tired now. I love God more than anything and I don’t want to disappoint Him, but I am getting older and I have such a desire to love and be loved. I play the role of a happy person, but I am not happy at all. Don’t get me wrong, I still have joy because God has been so good to me, but I’m not happy with my current status.

“I cry every night because I am lonely. I ask God to hold me and I do feel His presence, but the desire for companionship is still there and is still strong. I’m not going to sleep with anyone because I would prefer to have love than lust for someone. I was also hurt enough in the past to know that sex does not mean love and it does not make a man stay with you. I have asked God to take my desire for sex and a relationship away. I try to stay busy so I won’t think about how alone I feel, but nothing is working…..I guess the thing that bothers me is that I dont ask for a lot. I’m not a user, I don’t take advantage of people, I’m not looking for riches, fame, fortune, or material things.

“I just want to be loved by someone who isnt bound to love me due to them being a family member or friend. I want to be loved by someone who gets to know me and sees me as someone worth loving. The thought of spending yet another Thanksgiving, Christmas, Valentines day or birthday alone is starting to be too much to bare. Watching all of my nieces and nephews as well as my cousin’s children grow up is a blessing, but it also reminds me that I have no children of my own.

“I’ve tried refocusing. I read my word as well as other books. I watch many ministry videos and/or television shows that are rated PG. I love to laugh so I watch as many comedy shows as possible.

“My heart hurts so much and I feel like no one really sees me. I sometimes ask the Lord “Lord why hasn’t my husband found me.” “when you created me, you made me for someone, didn’t you?” “you put the desire in me to take care of others, to be a nurturer and here “I am in my mid 30’s with no children and no husband.” “I know Paul stated that he wishes everyone would be like him, a single person focusing only on building the kingdom and I want to help to bring souls to you, but I don’t want to be single like Paul the apostle.”

“The Lord hasn’t really said much to me about this. I know He hears me and no matter how long it takes, I will wait on Him because He knows best, but please pray for me. Pray for peace of mind for me and I’ll do the same for you. My friends say that they pray for me too.

“I have had so many people come to me and say that they think I would make a great mother, but they don’t know anyone that they feel would be good enough for me. I guess that should be a compliment, but it doesn’t feel much like one. Bottom line…..I don’t want to feel this loneliness anymore and I really need God to restore my heart and my faith in relationships. Sorry so long, I knew I needed to write something but wow! I wrote a lot.

God Bless,

Anonymous

There is no such thing as “soul mate” in the sense of there being one person on earth that God has already picked for you and now you are on this journey to find them.

On the contrary, there are several possible mates that can fit into your life and help you walk out the purpose God has already ordained for your life. This idea of a soul mate violates our free will. If God will not choose who we worship, he certainly will not choose our mate for us. However that does not mean we are left alone in our choosing.

God is very much a part of the selection process because the Holy Spirit is the one who influences us to make the right choices. Yes, God already knows who we will choose because He is sovereign, but it is still our choice to make. God will send people into your life and it is your choice where you place them. Some people are better suited for friends and others for mates. God has given you intellect, free will, life experiences and the Holy Spirit to help you make the right choices.

The idea of trying to find that ONE special person God has made can be overwhelming and frustrating. Realistically, only spiritually mature people should be seeking a serious relationship. Feel free to add your comments.

We wait in line to get into the newest Saturday night hangout. We will even spend hours waiting in line to get on the best thrill rides. We are willing to wait with excitement filled days before our birthdays or Christmas. The amount of time we are willing to wait often speaks volumes as to how valuable we view
something.

Dating Game-Waiting Game Blues

Why are we less patient in waiting to hear God in certain areas like dating? Maybe we do not want to really hear what he has to say? We have already made up our minds on what we want to do.

We don’t have that kind of time. I am lonely and I don’t want to be alone. It is the beginning of the month and I can’t stretch out my bank account any longer. We need an answer and we need it now.

If we value hearing from God and are assured that we will hear His voice we can muster the determination to wait patiently for His voice. Waiting to hear from God is never easy. Especially when we are hurting in the area of Christian dating relationships. We wonder why can’t God just make this better NOW?

Part of the process of waiting is often as important as the message itself. As we wait our faith is strengthened. We prepare ourselves to receive what God is telling us and respond with obedience. As we immerse ourselves in prayer and devotion God is drawing us closer. We experience an intimacy with Him that we wouldn’t have otherwise.

Most important we need to know that God does have a specific plan and future for us. (Jeremiah 29:11) He does want to be part of every step for our life. (Psalm 37:23) That is why before we rely on our own understanding; we need to ask God what He would have for us.

It isn’t easy but we must remain faithful in prayer and in the secure knowledge that God will speak to us. His timing is perfect, even when our patience is not. (Acts 1:7) Often much can happen while we are waiting on the Lord. Sometimes he changes pride into humility; doubt into faith and peace; sometimes lust into purity. The Lord can and will do it.

I can finally pay those bills each month that I used to dread. My relationship with my family has been restored. My heart is at peace and I can feel complete without having a partner at my side. Then a large gust of wind comes along and all of the things that we struggled so hard to get into place are scattered.

How will I have the strength to pick up all these pieces again? What did I do wrong, or not do that I find myself seemingly back to where I first started? Did I disappoint God? Did He forget that I was here?

These are questions we all as single Christians may ask as we search for some explanation for our crisis. Part of our human condition is that we can’t understand the big picture in God’s entire plan. Our vision is limited and short sighted. We can only focus on what is directly in front of us at the time.

If you looked at a large tapestry up close, it would seem like a bunch of jumbled up threads without any sense of order. Step back a few feet and your eyes would behold the beauty of a magnificent work of art.

Only God can see our lives as that magnificent work of art and know that all that jumbled up messiness is woven together into a beautiful creation. Romans 8:28 tells us that all things work together for good. That is fine, you may say, but how do I deal with my jumbled up mess and have faith in God’s promise in the meantime?

Fortunately we are not left without a resource to navigate this life. We have God’s word and guidance in His word. First we must be assured in God’s unconditional love for us as His children. The trials we face in this life are not punishment for anything we have done. That is not the nature of our God. There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1)

You may feel like you have already suffered so much. You have turned to God, repented for your sins so why are you forced to suffer more? Jesus promised eternal salvation for all who believe in Him, he never said that it was going to be an easy road.

Our faith in God will give us the strength to endure these times. God is faithful; he will not let you experience a crisis, beyond what you can bear. He will give you a way out so you can stand up under it. (1 Corinthians 10:13)

One of the biggest things I have learned about why God allows us to be tested in this world is to bring us closer to Him. We tend to put God on the back burner until we need Him. We check in weekly just to say “Hi, things are good and everything is pretty under control down here”

Are they really good? Do you have things under control or are you allowing God to be in control? Maybe God is just trying to get your attention. We are all God’s children. He wants to be part of our lives each and every day.

As a Christian single going through storm s of life pray continuously and give thanks in your circumstances (1 Thessalonians) that doesn’t mean that God expects us to be thankful FOR the storm we are in. We are just called to remember that we serve an awesome God who will deliver us out of the storm and restore us in Him.

The great news today is that God created each of us for a mission in this world. He has given each of us a unique SHAPE. What we mean by this is that He has given each of us special gifts and talents that He wants us to use for Him and others. Guess what? When we find our SHAPE and live by it, we find that elusive purpose and joy wev’e been yearning for our entire lives.

Oasis-Church-NJ.com is proud to bring you today’s Christian podcast from Pastor Nelson Nelson Searcy the Journey Church on the subject of finding your SHAPE for a purposeful life. I guarantee you’ll get alot out of it.

Looking for a new church in New Jersey where you can use your gifts and talents? Why not check out Oasis Church NJ, a new and upcoming contemporary Christian Church serving Union, Morris, Essex and Somerset Counties. Go to our site for times and directions.

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Last year, I was applying for a job and sent my resume to different consultants. I was excited to see a website by a Trainer who posted verses and included Christian messages. He interviewed me online and then met personally for an “interview”. Later on our relationship developed into a romantic one, but the business venture didn’t push through. He said he had cancer and so I felt time may be against us, and soon the relationship went very fast.

He said he was a Christian and wanted to honor God in all he does - which made me fall in true love with him even more. I had always prayed and waited on God for a soulmate, a  man who will be my spiritual partner.

The first red flag I ignored was when he said that God wanted us to be - one - and that God actually wanted us to sleep together. I told him that we can wait until after we were married but I was already being manipulated to be with him in a place we can “talk and not be disturbed and have quality time”.

Even if I knew better, the relationship soon became an “idol” and I willingly succumbed to his lie. He said, from the moment he met me he knew I was to be his wife because God predestined us. He said I was the reason he wanted to live. I went to bed with him. He would come once in awhile in my hometown because he lived far away. A year of guilt, suffering, doubts and breakdown of communication took place - I never met any of his friends and family and he always had excuses and even made me feel guilty when I asked questions and he said I was being selfish when his reasons are because of his “health” or family.

Yet, I felt I couldn’t leave him because he had cancer and I genuinely loved him and wanted to spend my life with him.

I asked him the last time we were together, whether he believed that LOVE and TRUTH can not coexist without each other after he told me continuously he loved me while in bed. However, a few days after he didn’t even greet me on my birthday, and I was made to believe that it was because he became unconscious and had to be brought overseas for treatment.

That was when I decided to deactivate my yahoo account, and end it. But still, I loved him. Then I found a website where he posted an address and home phone number. yesterday, I went to this address and couldnt find it.

But truth unfolded when I left a message to the person who answered the phone and told her that I left a package for him. Today I just received a call from his WIFE. I was crying and told her I didn’t know about her. I told her if I knew, I would not have entered into the relationship because I saw my mom go through the pain when she found out about my dad’s extramarital affair.

Overall, I am heart broken and i cant believe a man who claims to love God and his country, can do such a thing to his wife - and me. It also dawned on me, that how much he has hurt me is how much I hurt the God when I “left my first love” (Jesus).

I don’t know where to start and begin to pick up the broken pieces and rebuild my shattered life. I used to be so close with God before this man entered my life. Do all you can to avoid dating married people.

please pray for me.

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