Love-Shy Singles: How to Overcome Shyness

A love shy girl

Are you one of those love-shy single who doesn’t date because you’re timid? Wish you knew how to overcome shyness? If you do, don’t be bashful about it because you’re in good company. According to Dr. Phillip Zimbardo, a Stanford psychologist, nearly 40% of singles are shy about asking someone out on a date.

A single person who is shy is often anxious (some have even been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder) or uneasy around the opposite sex and dating situations. Many shy singles wrongly get tabbed as being “stuck up” or weird, when in fact they are simply lacking in self-confidence and uncertain how to communicate their feelings.

Many feel a love-shy single’s self-consciousness over finding a date stems from being afraid of rejection, which sadly is one of the fears that keep women and men single.

If you are a love-shy single Christian who has struggled with timidity in dating relationships, the following tips may help you conquer and overcome being shy:

Tips on Overcoming Shyness

Address the Origin

Understanding why someone is shy makes it easier to treat and heal, both clinically and spiritually. Although some psychologists feel shyness has genetic and environmental causes, many singles can trace their bashfulness to one or more embarrassing incidents that utterly ruined their self worth.

Think about your own past. Were you a shy boy? A shy girl? A shy teen? Was there anything that happened in your childhood that made you withdraw? Talking about these experiences with a qualified Christian counselor and/or understanding pastor can foster healing.

Imitate How Others Do It

Take note of how other singles communicate with the opposite sex. How do they introduce themselves? What topics do they discuss? What kind of body language is going on? Knowing how to have good conversation starter skills can help a love-shy person break the ice.

Enjoy Mixed Company

A low pressure way for a shy person to meet other single men and women is by joining clubs where people have a shared common interest, such as sporting activities, reading clubs, christian singles groups, etc. In this type of environment, dating relationships can occur naturally.

Remember It’s Not About You

Understand that shyness is, ultimately, a whacky form of self-centeredness. Instead of keeping your eyes on yourself, worrying what other people are thinking, practice taking a proactive interest in them: Seek out what they think, how they feel, how you can make them feel comfortable and relaxed.

It may be difficult for a shy person at first, so if you need to, pray for boldness in this area. If you do this, you will see your social skills improving, and find it much easier to converse with and meet others.

When we take our eyes off of ourselves, we can do amazing things with God’s help. Remember, Peter walked on water as long as his eyes were not on his own fears.

Consider Using an Online Dating Service

Many love-shy singles have found there are many benefits to using online Christian dating services like eHARMONY because they are able to meet a date in their own way, and at their pace. This can also occur in the safety of their own homes. For some reason people find it far easier to initiate conversations online rather than in person. Whatever works for you is what you should try.

If you are a shy woman or man who is interested in online Christian dating, this resource on how to meet more single Christians online may be helpful.

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16 Responses to “Love-Shy Singles: How to Overcome Shyness”

  1. Christian Singles: Making Peace With Your Past « Christian Singles Radio Blog » Blog Archive on October 13th, 2006 3:21 am

    [...] Love Shy Singles: How to Overcome Shyness Lonely Women Who Are Single Single Dads Dealing with Grief and Loss [...]

  2. RM on August 4th, 2007 6:36 pm

    I doubt if I would find a compatible woman using your service. You see, even though I am a very decent, quiet and courteous man (I have always kept my nose clean), I AM NOT A CHRISTIAN AND HAVE NO DESIRE TO BECOME ONE OF YOU PEOPLE. I believe in freedom of religion, but I am not religious. Also, I have an aversion to others who presume to impose their sense of morality upon others, which is why my nearly twenty year friendship ended with a born again christian. If I did meet a christian woman, she would have to accept me for who and what I am and refrain from bringing me into the fold because I will not tolerate that under any circumstances. Naturally, I would gladly accept her for what she is, but I would not subscribe to her status as a christian, and that is final. Goodbye.

  3. Mr. Nice Guy on August 19th, 2007 4:10 pm

    Hi. I’m a 28 yr old man who has never had a girlfriend. Aside from a few prostitutes,one of whom I lost my virginity with, I’ve only had 1 sexual relationship that lasted a month back in 2000. Grew up a lonely child, parents got divorced,moved to a new high school,and became a fat pothead.But it’s not unusual to be a virgin after high school and I always told myself hot chicks don’t dig fat guys. But then I got in shape after the army. thought I would get all the ladies. But I’ve been rejected over and over by what I thought were prospects.over 10.Let’s just be friends is the story of my life. I discovered I have love shyness. My interest in religion started before my love shyness, but now it seems to go hand in hand. ALL I WANT IS TO LOVE. TO SHARE MYSELF. Thanx for listening to me whine.

  4. Cheikh on November 24th, 2007 8:32 am

    you haven’t love shyness, you give up the fight versus shyness.

  5. dani on December 3rd, 2007 10:14 pm

    Mr. Nice Guy you have no idea how much i understand you man… i hope you will manage to figure things out and have a lovely family

  6. Joe on February 12th, 2008 8:50 am

    I can’t believe that you used a woman in your picture regarding love-shyness. While women may be love-shy, the problem does not affect them the same way it does men, due to societal rules saying that men must make the first move. Love-shyness has virtually no effect on the ability of a woman to date and get married. With men it does. You should replace the picture with one of a man.

  7. Me on August 26th, 2008 12:24 pm

    Sorry Mr. Nice Guy, but your story does not sound like a love-shy person..

    A real love-shy person is afraid of relationship and intimacy..

    By definition you need to be a virgin to be love-shy.

    True love-shyness men even feel uneasy or completely ignore girls who are making moves of them.

  8. Cristian S. R. on July 5th, 2009 6:16 pm

    Sorry if my english is bad.
    I’m 22 and I’ve never had a girlfriend, even a kiss, I’m also virgin. Many people tell me that I’m handsome, and some girls stare at me, but I don’t know how to approach to them, I too serious and just don’t know what to tell them, and that makes me nervous. I can be months exchanging looks with a girl and never saying a word, and that is frustrating.
    Some weeks ago I read in Wikipedia about love shyness, and I got identified with it, actually I shared all the characteristics of a love-shy man such as “rarely goes out socially with women”, “He has no history of any emotionally close”, “the love-shy tended to prefer vocal love ballads such as Broadway theatre music, brassy jazz music, easy listening, film soundtracks, and light classical music but not traditional classical music…Rock music of almost every kind is disliked..”, “love shy men would like to have daughters instead of sons”, and many other characteristics that when I read them I felt very sad. Now Im trying to overcome this shyness through self-help books, learning to dance, and going out more.

  9. TheGoat on July 31st, 2009 4:36 am

    Aye. Its so frustrating to have this problem makes me wanna pull my brains out. Parents say I look good and I have occasionally noticed the odd girl watching.Never had a gf never even been close.Never mucked around with sex. I wait paitiently each year im disapointed.Unfortuantely about 3 years ago I took a nasty blow from trying to get a girl [despite trying to fix it up she now treats me like a horrible evil dangerous person even though I did nothing wrong] and its completely ruined me. I want just one girl to love but I am incapable of doing anything about it and its so frustrating. I know if nothing is done that ill probably never find anyone. Seeing whats happened to the older love shys is not encouraging. For all I know there might be one who does like me but I cant do anything and its driving me mad.

  10. Annonymous on August 11th, 2009 11:17 am

    You know it infuriates me to see how this problem is so widespread, yet society doesn’t give a hoot.. i am not supposed to curse on a Christian Website I guess, right? LOL… anyway! As I was saying, society really does a number on people who are “Love-Shy” – can I ask an innocently and mind you, stupid question? – Where did the term, “Love-Shy” come from anyway?! I believe that men, and I do mean men!, who are Love shy are really trying to meet someone of the opposite sex, but – and excuse me Ladies for saying this – yes i am a man and I know what I’m talking about here!!! Men who are love shy are just victims of a society which quickly likes to label and categorize everyone into some kind of REDICULOUS LABELING STRATA.. get me? Love Shy?? No, no, no.. men who are lonely and have tried over and over and over and over and over and over to get a date or be with a woman, only to be rejected over and over and over and over… again, makes one feel self-pity and self concious and feeling like – “LOVE IS NOT FOR ME” and ” I’m a big fat loser when it comes to love”.
    As a Christian, I can remember when I went to Church the last time – about 1 year ago – YES, NEWS FLASH, NOT ALL CHRISTIANS GO TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY!!!.. when I was there last year a priest got up on the alter and began to give the sermon, after a few minutes, he began to speak about the “Love” that Christ has for all of us.. then suddenly he spoke about how they’ve noticed (the Church has noticed) a drop in the numbers of young people getting married!!! – WELL EXCUSE ME!!! and he went on to say, “well, we don’t know what’s going on…” ‘Come on now!!! WAKE UP!!! Smell the coffee burned quite some time ago!! You – the priest in the church, don’t know what’s going on??!!! – Why don’t you ask the “Ladies” – what’s going on? Why every time a MAN asks them out – they instinctively say – NO and “Let’s just be friends”. Am I squarely placing the blame on women, no I am not, however, men are not GOD and we can’t – as in the Motion Picture movie, “What Women Want” staring Mel Gibson, intuitively know what a woman is thinking at any given moment in time. This is a dream all of us guys have, to be able to read a woman’s mind and know if she’s truely into us and know, GOOD HEAVEN’S – if when we make our “MOVE” on her, if she’ll be the next one to say NO! or will she be moved beyond our wildest dreams to say YES!
    I am not “Love Shy” by definition, however, as a divorced man myself, now 1 year and 2 months after getting divorced, I don’t go out with women, I have no social contacts with women and I certainly don’t have a girlfriend. I have friends that are women, however, and I speak with experience here, being friends with women is not the same as being in a committed relationship with one! Some women just want to be friends and others want more than friends, our job as MEN is to get a sense as to which one’s are the “Marrying” kind and which one’s are not. I am not “Love shy” however, I’ve been alone for more than one year now and I feel very alone, post divorced it is a very lonely feeling. However, last year I went out with several women, but – I WAS NOT ABLE TO BREAK THE FRIENDS BARRIER – so, even going out with women is no – NO GUARANTEE that you’ll get anywhere near 1st, 2nd or 3rd base! I’ve been married once before and I am very serious here!! I will NEVER EVER REMARRY EVER AGAIN!!! and mind you, I’m a Christian… go figure that one out! So, it is possible that being hurt in ANY relationship with a woman, can make a MAN become like a kind of “Love shy”??!!! YOU BETCHA my find feathered friends, YOU BETCHA! Well, anyway, that’s my speach. Oh and Ladies if a man has the guts to ask you out, be nice and let him down easy if you don’t want to go out with him. And for us Guys, don’t worry, as they say, no guts, no glory. The worst that will happen is she’ll say no.
    The views expressed here are my own and no one else’s. I share my experiences with you without any reservation whatsoever.

  11. Love-Shy-Girl on December 23rd, 2009 5:02 am

    I am a love-shy girl. I’m 26 and have never been in a serious relationship. I used to be very shy in every way, but I’ve worked on it and now am properly assertive in my job, though some still describe me as meek.
    I’ve tried hard to overcome my love-shy ways, but I still need a lot of work. I read a great book that helped me a lot just in the way I approached dating — How to Get a Date Worth Keeping.
    I’ve tried to implement the advise of that book into my life, but it is very difficult for me.
    Each year I hope and pray that God would bring me someone to love, someone that would take care of me, and someone that we could make each other happy. But it just hasn’t happened.
    I don’t know how to get a guy’s attention. I’m a good girl, and I know I’m beautiful and get compliments all the time, but guys just don’t ask me out.
    I often feel very very sad because I am single. But I don’t know what to do to change my situation.

  12. Enrique on February 13th, 2010 1:56 am

    The solution to all your problems of love and social shyness is very simple, you just have to stop using products containing chemicals such as deodorants and perfumes, believe it or not these chemicals create an alteration in the brain by creating this kind of feelings of shyness, so the solution is simple, do not use deodorants and perfumes, deodorants can be replaced by lemons because these are natural deodorants without chemicals, well, i gave you the solution, try it and start flirting.

  13. love-shy girl13 on March 6th, 2010 9:11 pm

    I’m also a love-shy girl. I’m 20 and never had a boyfriend or even had a date. A lot of people ask me how come I don’t have one yet. They said I’m good-looking. I’ve had some guys who asked me out, but I just do not go with them because I don’t know how I will act. Making eyecontacts with other people is kinda hard for me but I find it more difficult to make eye contact and make conversations with potential partner. I’m very frustrated about this because I feel like they will feel bored and they might think I’m weird because I don’t know how to interact with them. I hope I can overcome this real soon. I feel like our society really pressure singles like us.

  14. Cirrus on March 19th, 2010 5:51 pm

    Shyness is NOT a form of self centeredness.I,myself a love shy,am constantly wondering if I could be with someone I like because I’ve established that no one wants to see me happy,allow me to be happy,or I don’t think I’m allowed to be happy.Shyness is not healthy.Shyness is NEVER good.

  15. Shy boy on March 26th, 2010 3:55 am

    I’m a 16 year old boy who is a real shy guy. I don’t know much of all this Christian stuff but I have all the charaterisics of being shy. Don’t get me wrong I have. Lot of friend and make a lot of people laugh but Sorry for any misspelling words…when it comes to girls it feels as if my body won’t let me treat them as any regular person. I am really nice to them and do my best to not be hated. I just can’t be my regular self around them. I have found this girl in my life Which i have te biggest crush on. Every time I think of her it rips me apart knowing I am a shy kid who doesn’t know how to cop with all this love. Love is a very mysteryous thing. Without it life is worthless. If I didn’t care about love so mug I wouldn’t be here writeing this probably boreing you. I hope one day I will find out if the love of my life has the same feelings for me. If you read all of this thank you. It means a lot more to me than you think.

  16. anonymous on April 12th, 2010 12:23 am

    Sorry for my bad English.
    I’m a 18 years old girl and I think I might be love-shy. I never had a boyfriend and I never been kissed. My friends and familly tell me that I’m pretty and even some guys that were interested in me. But when I’m with a boy I get really nervous and I turn really really red!! It’s so frustrating!!!

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