Love-Shy Singles: How to Overcome Shyness
Are you one of those love-shy single who doesn’t date because you’re timid? Wish you knew how to overcome shyness? If you do, don’t be bashful about it because you’re in good company. According to Dr. Phillip Zimbardo, a Stanford psychologist, nearly 40% of singles are shy about asking someone out on a date.
A single person who is shy is often anxious (some have even been diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder) or uneasy around the opposite sex and dating situations. Many shy singles wrongly get tabbed as being “stuck up” or weird, when in fact they are simply lacking in self-confidence and uncertain how to communicate their feelings.
Many feel a love-shy single’s self-consciousness over finding a date stems from being afraid of rejection, which sadly is one of the fears that keep women and men single.
If you are a love-shy single Christian who has struggled with timidity in dating relationships, the following tips may help you conquer and overcome being shy:
Tips on Overcoming Shyness
Address the Origin
Understanding why someone is shy makes it easier to treat and heal, both clinically and spiritually. Although some psychologists feel shyness has genetic and environmental causes, many singles can trace their bashfulness to one or more embarrassing incidents that utterly ruined their self worth.
Think about your own past. Were you a shy boy? A shy girl? A shy teen? Was there anything that happened in your childhood that made you withdraw? Talking about these experiences with a qualified Christian counselor and/or understanding pastor can foster healing.
Imitate How Others Do It
Take note of how other singles communicate with the opposite sex. How do they introduce themselves? What topics do they discuss? What kind of body language is going on? Knowing how to have good conversation starter skills can help a love-shy person break the ice.
Enjoy Mixed Company
A low pressure way for a shy person to meet other single men and women is by joining clubs where people have a shared common interest, such as sporting activities, reading clubs, christian singles groups, etc. In this type of environment, dating relationships can occur naturally.
Remember It’s Not About You
Understand that shyness is, ultimately, a whacky form of self-centeredness. Instead of keeping your eyes on yourself, worrying what other people are thinking, practice taking a proactive interest in them: Seek out what they think, how they feel, how you can make them feel comfortable and relaxed.
It may be difficult for a shy person at first, so if you need to, pray for boldness in this area. If you do this, you will see your social skills improving, and find it much easier to converse with and meet others.
When we take our eyes off of ourselves, we can do amazing things with God’s help. Remember, Peter walked on water as long as his eyes were not on his own fears.
Consider Using an Online Dating Service
Many love-shy singles have found there are many benefits to using online Christian dating services like eHARMONY because they are able to meet a date in their own way, and at their pace. This can also occur in the safety of their own homes. For some reason people find it far easier to initiate conversations online rather than in person. Whatever works for you is what you should try.
If you are a shy woman or man who is interested in online Christian dating, this resource on how to meet more single Christians online may be helpful.
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I doubt if I would find a compatible woman using your service. You see, even though I am a very decent, quiet and courteous man (I have always kept my nose clean), I AM NOT A CHRISTIAN AND HAVE NO DESIRE TO BECOME ONE OF YOU PEOPLE. I believe in freedom of religion, but I am not religious. Also, I have an aversion to others who presume to impose their sense of morality upon others, which is why my nearly twenty year friendship ended with a born again christian. If I did meet a christian woman, she would have to accept me for who and what I am and refrain from bringing me into the fold because I will not tolerate that under any circumstances. Naturally, I would gladly accept her for what she is, but I would not subscribe to her status as a christian, and that is final. Goodbye.
Hi. I’m a 28 yr old man who has never had a girlfriend. Aside from a few prostitutes,one of whom I lost my virginity with, I’ve only had 1 sexual relationship that lasted a month back in 2000. Grew up a lonely child, parents got divorced,moved to a new high school,and became a fat pothead.But it’s not unusual to be a virgin after high school and I always told myself hot chicks don’t dig fat guys. But then I got in shape after the army. thought I would get all the ladies. But I’ve been rejected over and over by what I thought were prospects.over 10.Let’s just be friends is the story of my life. I discovered I have love shyness. My interest in religion started before my love shyness, but now it seems to go hand in hand. ALL I WANT IS TO LOVE. TO SHARE MYSELF. Thanx for listening to me whine.
you haven’t love shyness, you give up the fight versus shyness.
Mr. Nice Guy you have no idea how much i understand you man… i hope you will manage to figure things out and have a lovely family
I can’t believe that you used a woman in your picture regarding love-shyness. While women may be love-shy, the problem does not affect them the same way it does men, due to societal rules saying that men must make the first move. Love-shyness has virtually no effect on the ability of a woman to date and get married. With men it does. You should replace the picture with one of a man.