Pathological Liars: Are You Dating a Liar?

75 Responses to “Pathological Liars: Are You Dating a Liar?”

1. Tiffany on September 2nd, 2006 1:11 pm
   

   If only I would have read this post 3 months ago. Well 3 months ago I thought I had met the guy of my dreams. He was handsome, nice,fun and and so on. The first time we talked we clicked ,so there was a second date then a third. It developed into a realtionship. I thought everything was ok. But to my surprise on Aug 17, 2006 I recieved a text message reply saying surprise this is his wife….I had a feeling he was lying so me and my mom went to the house and there was his wife and we talked. There\’s so much to this story but that doesn\’t even matter because the whole relationship was a lie, thank God I governed myself accordlingy, and followed God commands that christians should do when dating.

   I learned that when pathological liars get caught up in their lies they will do anything to cover their self even if it\\\’s to hurt someone they supposely care about. So Christian be careful with this. I\\\’ve learn you can\\\’t give your heart to everyone/ Ask God to show you things and if you ever find yourself questioning or having doubts, leave the person alone. It will save you from being hurt like I did. This was my first love and first serious boyfriend and being hurt isn\\\’t fun. God Bless, and remember that if we wait on God, all things will be added unto us if it is according to his will.
2. David Butler on September 2nd, 2006 7:04 pm
   

   Tiffany- We are sorry you got caught up with a pathological liar. We will pray for your heartbreak, and future relationships
3. Kristan on January 13th, 2007 7:55 pm
   

   I could have saved myself from alot of crap that happened to me! Gee, I always knew there was something wrong with that guy. He sure built up his credibility by telling me half-truths [that sounds like an oxymoron].
   I have pretty much recovered from all of this, but I dont know if that person wil ever feel guilty…
   Come to think of it I have met like 3 pathological liars up to now, but He was the one who affected me the most because he rushed everything. I know now that I am an emotional fool.

   Thanx alot for sharing this info here, people are sure gonna learn and hopefully they will follow it through, rather than giving their relationships second chances or guesses.
4. David Butler on January 27th, 2007 3:38 pm
   

   Kristan-

   Thanks for sharing your heart. We have ALL made some bad dating decisions. The neat thing about all this is we can learn from our mistakes, as we trust the Lord to guide us into the relationship He is preparing for us.
   -David-
5. ken on February 12th, 2007 12:47 pm
   

   Some of your assessments may be off the mark. at least three of the symptoms you describe could just be SHYNESS or LACK OF SELF CONFIDENCE!
6. David Butler on February 12th, 2007 5:15 pm
   

   Ken-
   Thanks for sharing. Of course, as with anything else in life, we need to look at things with perspective and balance. We ourselves, or our date may have one or two of these “pathological liar” signs. The key here is whether they are cumulative and/or persistent rather than an isolated incident.

   Blessings,

   David
7. teresa on March 2nd, 2007 6:01 am
   

   Hi i have met someone who twists and turns stories to thir own advantage, with ego inflation watch out as these people can really make you feel you are the one in the wrong you are mad its not them its you dont be fooled by this everyone has difficult experiences it does not mean you are at falt get out give yourself a break and the truth will come
   this person wont leave me alone and they are already in a relationship and the lies just flow from their mouth, convincing me that its the truth fantacy mixed with reality well ending of story they are dumped, sometimes we stay in relationships as we get caught up in lonelyness but turn to a god of your understanding be fulfilled and move forward. the best is yet to come
8. Marie Perez on March 11th, 2007 5:57 pm
   

   For all of you Christian young females or young males out there. Do not rush into a relationship without first getting to know the person very well. I am Christian woman that married a Christian man church goer that has a huge issue with lieing and making up stories. We went to therapy for this I tried to save my marriage. And four years later I have learened things that I never knew he kept from me. My point is that liars dont change.If you see someone with a lieing pattern RUN. I didn’t because I loved him he cried he begged me to give him a chance.Now we are heading for divorce. It is EXTREMELY PAINFUL for me.

   However how can you stay with some you don’t trust? that you are going to question everything they do or say. When A person has a lieing problem it is just like a homosexual or a pedophile I don’t believe they can change and it gets worse with time.

   Unless GOD does somthing radical and there is a true repentance they will never change. It is something they will have to fight with for the rest of there lives.

   And it is sad for the person that has to deal with something of this calibar. You feel violated and extremely hurt when you fall in love and give it 100% and then you find out the person you married has been lieing to you from day one.

   It’s like sleeping with a stranger.

   I encourage anyone that is reading this if you are dealing with a new relationship and you see that the person is lieng from the beginning it gets worse.

   My husbad was living a separte life from me. When I came to find out everything I did he still lies to me and denies everything that I have copies and evidence of.

   A pathiological liar will never admitt to his lies. And end up lieing about everything. Then they lie with one lie to cover up for another lie. It is a HUGE WEB which once you are in this web you can get out.

   Very sad. A liar of this calibar lies to everyone,I saw this pattern with my husband he lied to our business partner and to customers, he also lied to his family, his ex wife and ex girlfriends. This I learned throughout or relationship. It never ends.

   I hope this can be of help to some of you out there. If I would have known this from the beginning I would have cut my loses and Moved on. Instead I stayed hoping and praying for a better outcome. The end results were hopless desperation on my part.

   I got very hurt at the end.
9. LITTLE DEBBIE SUE POWERS (DODD) on March 17th, 2007 11:52 pm
   

   Hi, I have benn married three times to those who physically and emotionally abused me Just knowing someone out there is praying for me gives me new strength to be encouraged.
10. Christia on March 20th, 2007 8:36 pm
    

    Well one thing is for sure: If you are in love with a Pathological Liar, and you are trying to work things out, trust me its not worth it. I also was dating a Pathological Liar, and she told me storys after story. She had cheated on me with two men and could still come home and act and love me the same as if nothing was wrong. Pathological Liars are scary people because they feel no guilt from their lies and can keep the lies up until you call them out.
11. nell on March 25th, 2007 12:14 am
    

    I was surprised to see how so many people were affected by pathological liars. I to was affected by one. I went on to match.com to find a relationship. I soon found myself dating a man that I knew through some of his friends. He told me on the first date that he had a psycho ex-girlfriend…I believed him and began a serious relationship. Months went by and then one of my friends found his supposely “psycho ex-girlfriend’s” myspace account. I looked at it and found out he was cheating on me with her. When I confronted him he denied it… It has almost been a year since we broke up and I’m still heartbroke. He still calls me and once has come to my house crying and telling me he is going to change, but he never does…I just keep praying that I will be able to find my true love and that I can trust my heart with another.
12. David Butler on March 25th, 2007 1:49 am
    

    Dear Nelly:

    We are praying for you. Thanks for sharing this heart breaking story. Just remember, the Lord has a plan for your life, including the person he wants you to be with. Please hang in there.
13. David Butler on March 25th, 2007 2:01 am
    

    Theresa, Marie and Chris, Nell…Boy we could start our own small group here! Okay…we’ve all been affected by liars. I am praying that our Saviour heals us from this pain we are feeling. My other prayer is that our fears of running into another pathological liar will not keep us from becoming vulnerable in the future…
14. Brittany Pander on March 28th, 2007 2:38 am
    

    I have been off and on dating a liar scine freashmen year in High school. He would tell some big lie about him getting into a fighgt with somebody. I believed it, and then I would hear from somebody that it wasn’t true. I would alsways be heart broken. Then he was always there for me. When ever I would try to move on and date somebody else he would comeup with another lie to make me feel sorry for him. It always worked. I have gotten back together with him thinking that hes changed. We have ben together for about a year now , and I just found out that all hes been telling me in this relationship about friends dieing and one of my ex’s beating him up was all a lie. I’m still really shocked and don’t know what to think. I’m really numb and don’t have any feelings about all of this. Then today at school one of me best friends got hurt by one of the lies that he told. And was trying to talk to it about with me. She felt that I didn’t care for her because I didn’t have anything to say back. So I wrote her a letter explaining what I think about all of this. He did tell me that he wants to get help. He doesn’t want to loose me. I believe that he will do whatever it takes. So I’m willing to stay with him ans suffer the because there is a good side that I fell in love with and is still in love with. I just hope and pray that everything will work out and he will get the help that he needs and will stop the lieing and just be better. Be aware that hes lieing. So if any of you are reading this and want to give me some advice as of what to do I will take any of it.
15. Jenn on April 1st, 2007 3:31 pm
    

    I was dating this girl for 4 years and i caught her in so many lies..she lied about her age and what she did for a living…right now we are trying to get back together but she keeps on having this girl stay over at her place on the weekend, i asked her to stop letting this happen because it makes me feel stressed…she still has this girl over infact she over at her place right now as i type and shes staying the weekend. I dont know if i want to do this to myself again but i love her and i want to be with her but i can’t believe a word that comes out of her mouth.
16. Holly on April 1st, 2007 7:27 pm
    

    Hi. I am not dating but I am a christian. I had a pathological liar stay in my house for at least a year. While she was there she gave away one crucial sign that she was manipulating men on a christian dating service. She gleefully described going to her ex’s house and smashing all his dishes in revenge after dumping him,(by the way he was a chef). She geniunely laughed at his pain! Then she would go to multiple churches where she would dress up, boast and exaggerate stories, and pretend to be the perfect christian. Not only that but she refused to come to my church but insisted on going to another one. This was so she could lie and boast without any witnesses. Be careful of people who lack remorse and boast often!
17. Holly on April 1st, 2007 7:39 pm
    

    Hi Brittany this is for you. Living with a pathological liar for over 2 yrs has given me amazing insight. #1 The person will lie, exaggerate often and will believe in their own lies at the same time. #2 If you confront them about a lie they can easily become aggressive and violent. #3 They make up a lot of stories to garner sympathy because they have low self esteem. On the last day of having this woman in my house I confronted her about all the lies. She then started screaming and threatening to send one of our male house guests to jail for molestation. The final blow was when she said, “I never liked your family anyways”. I asked why did you stay here then? . . .”Oh, I needed the money and a place to stay”. So you see, a lot of liars only care about themselves, and how to get sympathy and money. They care nothing about you! So just cut them out of your life!!
18. Taylor on April 11th, 2007 12:20 am
    

    I’m 19 and I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost a year and a 1/2. He lies all the time. I’m always finding out new things that aren’t true.. They could be little things like he said once that he had to get off the phone because he had to weed whack when really he was just taking a shower then he lies about big things like where he went to college. He said he went to this one college but then his parents wouldn’t pay for it anymore but in reality he went to a different school and failed out. He went as far as to make up a roomate. Once he said he didn’t have the movie that we wanted to watch because it was at his dorm…. the school he ACTUALLY went to didn’t even have dorms… I don’t understand it… I know I have to get out of this relationship but it seems hard.
19. BLOODFLOWER on April 16th, 2007 11:12 am
    

    I STARTED HANGING OUT WITH THIS GUY. HE HAD A GF, AND SAID HE BROKE UP WITH HER. LATER I FOUND OUT HE WAS MAKING LOVE TO ME,THEN TO HER THE NEXT DAY. WEVE BEEN TOGETEHR FOR 4 MONTHS AND I FOUND OUT FROM HER THEY HAVE BEEN TALKING THE WHOLE TIME.

    I’M WEAK, AND I ASK GOD TO HELP ME BE STRONG AND LET HIM GO, BUT I FEEL THAT I NEED HIM … I THINK IT WILL GET WORSE BECAUSE HE’S SO MEAN AND EVIL, BUT YET SO CHARMING
20. Lisa on April 23rd, 2007 2:14 am
    

    I also dated a path. liar. He told a web of lies , added one lie on top of another. Once he got caught he promised to get help. He also had a severe substance abuse problem. He finally attended some AA meetings but then stopped. He lied about what he did for a living, he said he was a narcotics officer. But he wasn’t, it was a good lie though because he could be gone for long periods of time and use his job as an excuse. I would also recommend to get out as soon as possible these people are scary. He would say he would get help but then would not follow through.
21. David Butler on April 24th, 2007 4:39 pm
    

    Taylor and Bloodflower:

    Do yourselves some good by simply getting out of these relationships as soon as possible. Both of you are being abused by liars, and the longer you stay, the more painful the consquences. Do you need this this kind of guy?
22. nikki in NC on May 11th, 2007 6:41 pm
    

    I myself married a guy who is a pathological liar.. We’ve been married for 2 years and its taken ever bit of struggle in me to fight for this marriage. I married him after only 2 mths of dating so I didnt take the time to stop and get to know who he really was.. I wish i would have so I wouldnt be where Im at today. I have a 6 mth old son who will be witness to it off if I dont find my strength soon enough to get out.. Please help me pray that I find my way out, back to God.. Its tore me down long enough and he will never change..Always lying about things, from getting the oil changed in the car, saying he did when he didnt, to paying the ins. on our vehicles..saying he did when he didnt.. from going to his moms ..saying he didnt when he did.. all kinds of lies.. please help me pray…
23. Annie on May 15th, 2007 9:28 pm
    

    Firstly, I’m a Christian and my boyfriend is the son of pastors. It’s actually shocked me how you people lack forgiveness on this site. I’m sorry if I offend, but sometimes you need to learn to HELP those who are really in need, and these people are in need. Don’t turn your back on them even though it’s hard, they still need help. They lack self esteem and sometimes love. Are we going to turn our backs on them

    Here’s my story; I’m 18 years old and have been with a pathological liar four years now. I only figured him out about 8 months ago and have been encouraging him to seek help. He cheats (by getting emotionally attached to other girls). He seeks attention and pity from these persons as well as his family and friend by slandering my name. He even told them I was more evil that Satan! In fact, HE was the one who didn’t care about our relationship and would constantly hurt it, then lie to his friends and say I was the cause.

    At this point he’s been seeking psychological help and I’m here for him. I guess in the end of the day, it’s all up to the person and you. My boyfriend didn’t think he needed help, but I stood there, showing him the signs and the ill effects of his lifestyle. He finally came to the realisation that he had a problem. In fact, I told him he was a compusive liar and it was him who actually did research and corrected me by saying he shows signs of pathological lying.

    My point? It’s up you and the person involved. It all boils down to whether they realise they want help and are making a conscious effort and YOU have the will power and the endurnce to withstand hittin rock bottom and working all the way back up, for your fellow man. WWJD?
24. fred on May 17th, 2007 12:07 am
    

    some people think im a liar but i think im always telling the truth. who should i believe?
25. HEATHER on May 23rd, 2007 3:12 pm
    

    I have been dating a guy for 2 years. He has a tarnished past(prison, abandoned by adoptive parents,gambling, theft). I try to understand and be forgiving with him since he trying to put all this behind him. He has never had a real family but he lies a lot. Most of the time it is about un-important things like not being at the golf course or a bar. I know he loves me and my kids that is no lie but I cant help but think maybe if he’d lie to me about small things he would lie about big things. Everyone who knows him says if his lips are moving he is lying. There have been quite a few instances that make me think he might be lying about another woman/women. I have never caught him but I have this strange FEELING he may be lying about not one but more than one. I love him dearly even though he is not truthful. I dont know what to do. His lies are stupid lies to cover more lies that lead to more lies. How he keeps up with the stories I will never know. I take pity on him and I am scared that is why I stay with him. Please pray that I figure out the right thing to do. He is not a “bad” guy. I just think he is really confused. He wants to get married and have a “family life” but I am scared to go this far until I am sure that he is not a pathological liar and a cheat.
    Again please pray for me that I can find my way to the truth
26. David Butler on May 24th, 2007 11:24 am
    

    Heather:

    Thanks for your comment. Well, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and if others think it’s a duck….chances are it is a duck..or a big fat liar! You stay in the relationship because you are fearful? We are praying for the Lord’s wisdom…be encouraged!
27. HEATHER on May 24th, 2007 3:52 pm
    

    Well, the decision has been made. He didnt come home last night. He stayed out gambling and lost $3000. Why are some people so horrible and mindless of others feelings? Everything I have read on this post sounds so familiar to me. All of us should realize we are to good to be treated this way. Just because we are caring individuals people seem to take advantage of us. yES I AM FEARFUL OF HIM. He has had me followed and has spied on me before when we have split up. I plan to leave the house and get me and the kids out but he knows everyone in town and I am sure to be followed no matter where I go.
28. Marie Yolanda on June 17th, 2007 6:41 pm
    

    I have been with a patholigical liar for 2years,we break up off & on due to betrayal and recently because he got someone pregnant& he said he ” is facing his responsiblity”. This 28 year old w/ 5yr old boy only dated him about 2 1/2 months &he told me only slept w/her twice..a lie..of course. He says he loves me but he has to be with her since she is now pregnant. The girl does not believe that he has been seeing me at the same time and I have been w this guy …I can’t speak fluent spanish to tell her. This guy I have been seeing is wanting to have this family now because he just lost custody of his other child 5 year old fr previous relationship. I can’t have any more children…I already told him if he can be faithful to this girl then go for it..he has my blessing…but I think he just have the need at this time to have a kid of his own because he does not see his 5 ear old anymore…he was dealing w/ drugs and is alcoholic..but the other girl..helen does not know this…I feel responsible to warn her if she believes me…should I ????
29. Marie Yolanda on June 22nd, 2007 2:17 am
    

    Would like to get together with ladies experiencing same to start group therapy…yg906@aol.com
30. Teresa on July 7th, 2007 4:49 pm
    

    Recently I met a guy at work. I have been hurt before and even though the red flags went up i stupidly ignored them. I believe he is married he has been staying at a motel room close to were I live and work. Just cant seam to put my finger on it but its bothering me
31. David Butler on July 20th, 2007 6:56 pm
    

    Theresa- If in doubt, leave him out….
32. mdb on August 6th, 2007 7:41 pm
    

    What a dumb article. Most of your “tells” are attributes commonly displayed by nervous people, shy people, socially anxious people, introverts, etc, whatever you want to call them.

    Telling people that they are signs of lying is just going to make it that much harder for the socially inept to reach out to others.
33. Holly on August 28th, 2007 5:27 pm
    

    Hahaaa. What a dumb response. Unless you think its okay for me to lie to you and cheat on you and take all your money, well I could just say, Oh I’m just a normal non nervous person! What? Are you upset I took advantage of you? You should just be happy I’m not socially inept! lmao you’re pathetic mdb.
34. James on September 7th, 2007 12:19 am
    

    I met a girl on the internet, we chatted for quite sometime then finally met, we went out a few times and really hit it off, we started telling each other about our families, she told me about a previous abusive relationship she had and also that she had a child in that relationship. This girl needs help and I don’t know how to go about helping her.
35. April on September 14th, 2007 3:35 pm
    

    I am a Christian single mom of two grown children and grandmother of 3 children. I was married to a “pathological liar” and sex addict. My father was also a sex addict. (I’ve gone to many, many classes on Christian counseling for recovering addicts, and have learned much about addicts of different types.)

    My daughter is now married to a pathological liar and a sex addict. They have 3 children. He has cheated on her from the very beginning, and has even bragged about having slept with over 100 women, some of them family members. His treatment of her and my grandchildren has broken my heart time and again. She knows he lies, and she knows he cheats on her, but she won’t divorce him. She’s left him and lived with me a couple of times, but she never actually starts divorce proceedings.

    I remember, even before they got married (at the age of 18), advising her not to become “unequally yoked” with a non-Christian.
36. Queen on September 17th, 2007 5:07 am
    

    Wow, I just got ride of a suspected liar- he lied about money and prestige and even borrowed money and made promises and never kept them. Started arguments and wanted to be right all the time. I have never seen his house and then he asked to use my address- very suspicious- of course he claimed he had b een a victim of identy theft- yeah right
37. K on September 27th, 2007 7:03 pm
    

    I was dating a man who told a lot of lies until two weeks ago, when I found out he’d also been lying to and hitting on a woman less than half his age. I can’t change him, but I wish I could, because he does have some good qualities. I’m trying to figure out why I ignored so many red flags, and sat quietly while I watched him tell others things that I knew were untrue. What makes it worse is that we both attend the same AA meetings, and he sits there night after night saying, “I don’t cheat; I don’t lie; I do the Tenth Step every night.” The Tenth Step is when a person admits to whom he has hurt during the day and takes steps to make amends. When I caught this guy in the lie involving the other woman, I calmly asked him for an apology and he refused. Ouch.
38. Back up-girl on September 29th, 2007 12:31 am
    

    I just find out the man I loved so much is married and has a girlfriend. He charmed me off my feet the first few months of knowing him. He was involved in a plane crash and had a kidney transplant. My heart really went out to him. As time past I noticed his stories had changed. He lied to me so much I still cannot believe it and don’t understand why I was his victim. He said he had been divorced for three yrs when I first met him, 11 months later he said two years. He said his ex-wife lived in a different state with their son, later I found out there was no truth to that and they just separated in June because his wife caught him having an affair with another woman. His wife moved out of the house and his girlfriend moved in. He said his kidney belong to his mother, later I found out it belonged to his father in-law. I prayed for three weeks asking God to reveal the truth about this man because in my heart I knew something was not right. He lied about where he lived, gave me his brother’s address. He told me there was no one else in his life and that I was the only one. After confronting him he continued to lie even more and at the end became really angry with me and said “how about you don’t call me anymore.” Needless to say I’m very hurt and don’t understand why he chose me to lie to. I know the Bible says to love but, at this point I feel hate for him. After finding out the truth , it’s almost as if the man I once loved no longer exists.
39. K on October 1st, 2007 5:12 pm
    

    In reading the messages posted in this site, and others, I realize that falling in love with a chronic liar happens to a lot of us. I need to address codependency issues within myself, because even though I ended the relationship with my ex-boyfriend after his latest round of lies, there’s still part of me that wants him back. I’d appreciate any advice or prayers any of you could give me. Thank you.
40. jacob on October 12th, 2007 6:57 pm
    

    Well here is my out put on it:

    I hate liars as well but to be honest find myself doing the same as them. I’m 27, white male. I had a nervous breakdown over my first GF. My family has never been one for much support (save but for my mother, but she just didnt have time for me or my brother after my parents divorced when i was 7).

    I dont know when to realy tell the truth because I fear no woman will want what I offer. I am working on bettering myself. Ii not saing im right to lie or even justified for it. I hate myself for it every time I do it cause it feel it lessens me as a man and my vow to God. but I can’t tolerate this perpetual isolation. Anyone got any ideas?
41. Holly on October 13th, 2007 10:45 am
    

    I also recently was involved with a pathological liar. I am a single mom - haven’t dated anyone in about 2 1/2 years and was definitely not seeking anyone or anything. I’ve had the most wonderful couple of years with my little son and growing my online business. I’ve been really focused on it and on being an honest person with my business and LIFE. So I met this man - he was so charismatic, just glowing and radiating. He acted like a Christian. He PRAYED with me. He sang my Christian music - he planned to move overseas with me (which is where I am currently living). The lies go on and on and on. Turns out I started noticing things and when he left here a week ago (left my house to return to the States where he has two kids and his job). …he left his email acct opened on my computer. THANK GOD for that. Turns out he is married and has been for 7 years.

    It’s just really affected me. The worst thing - the thing that makes me the most upset and saddened is that he PRAYED WITH ME. He used God - acted like he was a Christian - as far as I am concerned he is evil. I have no idea who he was praying to but it makes me sick that he would use God in his lies and to get me to believe him 100%. Anyone else have experiences with someone like this? THe other crazy thing is that this guy is well-known online and in the motivational speaking market (like similar to Tony Robbins) and he goes around the world speaking and preaching about living a balanced honest fulfilled life. It makes me sick - it is so fake.
42. David Butler on October 13th, 2007 8:02 pm
    

    Dear Back-Up Girl, K and Holly:

    Man, I am so SORRY you have been abused by a pathological liar. Know that our Team is praying for you all, and if you need referrals, or to talk to a counselor, please contact us through our site, and we will get in touch. God is in control and not the pathological liars of the world.

    David
43. David Butler on October 13th, 2007 8:04 pm
    

    By the way, isn’t this weird that all the pathological liars so far here have been men? Or are we on to something?
44. David Butler on October 13th, 2007 8:14 pm
    

    Jacob, please email me, and I will refer you to someone who can do one on one counseling.
45. Holly on October 19th, 2007 5:19 pm
    

    Thank you David. Do you recommend any reading materials online or anything to help me work through this? I know my situation is not bad compared to people who have been stuck in relationships or struggling for years - but this man is the only person I’ve ever trusted completely and opened up to. I was in love with and completely devoted to a non-existant fabricated person.

    I also wanted to say that I think it’s very good that Jacob posted on here. It takes guts - and I think he’ll be so much better off for dealing with these things. You take care Jacob!
46. K on October 26th, 2007 6:51 pm
    

    Jacob, it seems to me like you’re not being MALICIOUS in your lying, and you want to quit being dishonest, and that tells me there’s a lot of good in you. Good luck in your endeavor!
47. Kat on November 6th, 2007 8:23 am
    

    Hi, I just wanted to expand on the point one fellow made about your assessments. I myself could easily be said to have the first FOUR of your “symptoms”, and the last as well if you consider only the “have a hard time giving a simple and short, direct answer” part of it. I am NOT a compulsive liar, in fact i lie very rarely. For me, it is all nerves. I am not good with people and in fact may have social anxiety disorder — which is something that appears to be more common than I had previously realized.
    My point is, I think people need more than anything to trust their instincts and watch for inconsistencies, because if you meet someone that shows even most of the other symptoms, it doesn’t necessarily make them a liar, even if the symptoms persist. It may just mean they’re nervous.
    I guess all a person can do is to trust oneself, because I believe that someone who is nervous from lying probably “feels” different to one’s instincts than someone who is merely socially anxious.
    Perhaps I should ask some people how I come across to them, it would be interesting to know.
48. jacob on November 18th, 2007 2:48 pm
    

    jacob, do yourself a favor and live an honest life if a girl doesn’t want you because you have had emotional trouble you don’t want her. Everyone if they are willing top admoit has had emotional trouble and has not told the truth about something we are human we all fall short. but know that a relationship that starts with a lie will always lead to devastation on both parts. i myself have also lied on occasion to people about my husband or my past. my husband is a path liar and it embarasses me so sometimes i chose to believe his lies so i don’t have to deal with it and that is also lying. i have noticed my children do it sometimes too and i want to stop the cycle it is so hard because they love him. he causes me pain now just to be in the same room with him I am a christian but i have very hard time forgiving especially when i know ther is no way this will end only that i continue to act in a way that supports his lies and causes me to abandon what i know to be right. oh whwat a tangeled web we weave when we attempt to decieve. the truth is you cannot decieve the soul.
49. jacob on November 27th, 2007 5:33 pm
    

    well forgive if this post is a little odd. as i am typing it off my phone.

    Why do women feel like they can tell you all of there problems and can be critical of your actions. but when you are honest with them in return is a big deal? Anyone hear the song called “policy of truth”? Why do women treat me like crap?
50. Kharesea Beckworth on December 6th, 2007 9:21 pm
    

    I dated a man that was a huge liar he lied to me about his whole life. I welcomed him into my home and into my family he just doesn’t know the damage that he has did.
51. Harold Mosher on January 24th, 2008 6:12 am
    

    help me i lie so bad
52. m. christos on February 11th, 2008 9:44 pm
    

    For all those ever involved with a pathological liar, I know and I understand.
    I was married to a pathological liar and did not know it for 10 years. He had the worst temper and used it to deflect what he was really doing. I was just a cover, a front because he is so into the depths of hell and depravity that I was totally shocked and disgusted. When you hear of women married to serial killers, you wonder, how come they didn’t know. Of course, now I can understand so completely. Pathological liars will stop at nothing to get their way. It is totally all about them and they do it by manipulating others into feeling sorry for them and by any other means they can. They will throw out so many stories, until one sticks and catches their prey. Predator is a more exact description of these dregs of society.

    When we were getting divorced , he even lied about where I worked. It was insane as of course that is so easily provable. The point is , pathological liars are only out for themselves, they are narcissists. They have lied and conned people for so long, they feel they can say anything and people will believe them because they have been getting away with their lies for years. Do be careful because pathological liars have no moral compass. They love getting over on people, especially people who do have moral values and are trustworthy. And remember, Our Father, will take care of pathological liars and will restore the years the locusts have eaten.

    Revenge is mine. I shall repayeth, saith the Lord.
    Let God be God and handle them. He knows exactly what is a fitting and perfect justice.

    Thank God our eyes were open.
    The truth is painful at times but it sets us free not to live in captivity anymore.

    There are good men out there as not all are pathological liars!
    Trust in God.
53. Gary Wills on February 22nd, 2008 9:26 am
    

    I have cheated lied backstabbed everybody around me and I need help.
54. candice on February 25th, 2008 12:07 am
    

    i need help i have lied to everyone.
55. grace on March 27th, 2008 8:19 pm
    

    I think I might have just dodged a CANNONBALL (ie, relationship with a pathological liar.)

    Thank you for this site!
56. Msimprove on May 1st, 2008 10:59 am
    

    Hello! Reaging pathological liars, I’m training to be a psychologist. Must people lies from time to time. Alot of time people know the truth, and because lying have become such a habit people find themselves lying regular and alot of time the lying becomes out of control. Then what?It destroys you,eventually as a person, and alot of times it Hurts the people thats close to you(Your Heart). For all the people who really looked deeply in themselves and realize that Lying is a big issue in your life and you want to get help. That is a great step, the number one thing is you must admit and come to realization that hey I am hurting myself more and I am destroying myself and others. There is help and you can change that part about yourself if you really want to, its hard work but you can do it.
57. Tish on May 31st, 2008 1:09 am
    

    In regard to Pathological Liars, I feel so stuck, I have been dating this guy for almost 3 years and we have 2 kids together, he has been lying to me ever since we got together andI never know what to believe from him. He recently lied to me and I am so fedup, but I love him so much. I feel stuck and I dont know what to do. I know he is a good person, he has had a lying problem since a child and he openly admits it, please help.
58. mi on June 5th, 2008 10:21 am
    

    Well i dated a pathological liar for 8 years…only caught him now… and he is Christian…my heart is constantly breaking… it was a break up I was not prepared for but had to do for my own sanity. Kindly lift me up in prayer, as there are days that i am just without hope.
59. Leena on July 6th, 2008 11:39 pm
    

    Sorry it ain’t that easy!I became married 23yrs ago to a pathologicla liar.I just discover his true colors after 23years!!!!!!He can llok me STRAIGHT in the face and not flinch.His parents were worship leaders.they also lerd a Bible study and I meant him through there…

    Here is my wisdon so HEED IT ladies!!! The Holy Spirit was tellling me “NO!!!” ButI just thought it was gear and I didn’t want to be like my non commital brother…
    Now my little boy is starting tyo lie[age 10]….

    the good news is I htink my husband can change.I have had Crhitian proffesionals tell me he can..but he has to get honest.Please pray for him.I cannot reveal his name in here of course.

    He is doing pyscological abuse to me which I consider worswe than a fist on my face because it makes you doubt your sanity.

    thank you for your prayers if anyone is listening..
60. Tommy on July 21st, 2008 5:18 pm
    

    i was engaged to pathological liar. i dated this girl for almost 2yrs and engaged for last 6 months. she made me feel like so special. but time to time i know something wasn’t right. she was lying about a lil things. and always worrying about me, when i was at work. keep calling me everyday 5 or 6 times day. after we moved in together she called me, if i was 5 min. late coming home. she is all mad and said “what are you doing why you are not home yet”. soon as i got home she is just fine and said “i’m sorry that i got mad at you. i just missed you so much”. i knew something wasn’t right, but she made me think that she really love me. i send her to school and even paid her daughter’s daycare so that she could go to school. i did everything for her. so that we could have good life together after she finsh school. about 2 weeks before she was done with her school. she moved out on me. when i was at work. and about two weeks after she moved out, she called my friend and said she just got married. i don’t understand why she have to call my friend. she got married to a guy that going to iraq with in month or so. and her ex husband called me up few days after that and said she told him that i was abusing her and her daughter and she just moved out so he doesn’t have to worry no more, because she is with someone that wonderful to her and her daughter. he said he know she is lying and she told everybody about he was abuive husband, too. so i don’t have to worry about it. he told me thanks for raising his daughter, she was doing good when i was in her life. and he also said she is been married twice before she met me. witch i didn’t know about. 2nd guy was in army, too and she married him right before he went iraq and when he got back she was gone. i don’t know how some people could live life like that. now i know who she really is but its still hard to let it go. just keep thinking about good memories that i had been with her.
61. Amy on August 30th, 2008 11:48 am
    

    I lost my kids because I beleived a narcissist liar. I can’t beleive I just spent 3 years being the victim of a narcissist at such a great cost.I hope my kids will forgive me. I am so sorry.
62. Marilyn on September 19th, 2008 1:40 pm
    

    In regard to pathological liars, the first meeting there was a connection, a lot of chemistry, with this man i did notice his eyes would constantly move from side to side when he spoke to me and he has shaky hands, it sorta made me back off, i thought maybe drugs/alcohol addiction. He was constantly working on my heart, constant texts, emails, phone calls, he worked on me for 3 mths until finally he got me hooked, even took me to a jewelry store wanting to buy me a ring, he wanted to leave his wife and marry me..i should have listened to the red flags in the beginning. , I am still wondering how someone could do this to me and how stupid could i have been..I almost contacted his wife, but decided it was not worth it. This man even got my family involved had lunch with my son, told my Daughter in law how much he loved me and would be in the family soon. This man is 53 yrs old and I am 58 yrs old. I still am hurting. My heart would not survive another relationship and I won’t trust anymore.
63. Jessica R on December 21st, 2008 9:29 pm
    

    I’ve read through all of these posts about pathological liars and have realized my situation is soooo much worse than I thought. My husband of 4 yrs has betrayed me too many times and it has changed the person I truly am. He talks to other women… via phone, text and instant messaging. When I confront him and I have physical proof of it, he still denies it. It’s unreal! His stories or versions are always so absurd and he starts getting mean when I confront him. He usually lies to me about things that he thinks will upset me. I know when he lies he is not trying to make me feel bad, he is just making himself feel better for his actions. I honestly think that he starts to believe his lies. I get more upset about the lying than the actual event or whatever. Do these pathological liars actually think that we believe all this? I guess the real problem is that we (people with actual morals) let them keep doing this to us. Maybe we are the ones with the problem.

    I know it is not as simple as just walking away. We love these people… give them the benefit of the doubt time and time again and actually believe them when they finally break down and they tell us they will get help.

    I’m so torn because I absolutely, truly love the man. I know he loves me. He’s never cheated… talked dirty or anything like that to these women. He just talks to them…. for attention maybe and he hides it. The hiding and lying makes it sooo suspicious. We have fought over this issue the past 3 yrs and he isn’t getting any better. My heart cannot take anymore surprises like this. Now he wants to go to counseling for his lying. But after reading all these posts it sounds like they will never change. And even if he does, I don’t know how long I will have this sick feeling in my stomach not knowing truly what is going on.

    What to do? Any advice from those who have been here? Should I give therapy a run or just walk away? There is a little one involved. If she wasn’t in the picture I know i wouldn’t have lasted this long. Be compassionate or have I been forgiving enough?
64. Karen on December 30th, 2008 2:31 pm
    

    Hi, I just found out after two years of being with my fiance and 1 year of being engaged he lied to me about his employment. Apparently an ex girlfried got him fired and in the beginning of our relationship I had some emotional issues and treated him unfairly until I realized how I was treating someone that didn’t do anything to me. He felt I was emotionally unsable and everytime he would tell me something I was critical and judgemental. After I got help and on the right meds I began to realize this man was a good hearted person and he wasn’t going to take my abuse anymore, so after 2 years of being together I found out he wasn’t employed at where he first told me. Some days it bother’s me and some days I remember how crazy and emoatinal I was. Help I don’t know what to do. I do love him very much and I do 100% know he feels the same. thanks, K
65. Samantha on January 13th, 2009 9:05 pm
    

    I was dating a pathological liar up until very recently when he broke up with me and that night was out with his ex-girlfriend. Simply because I caught him in more lies and confronted him he wanted to run away, like always. Turns out he’s been seeing his ex for the past few weeks(about two weeks before he and I broke up). Then he called me and told me how sorry he was, only to be back out with her spending the night at her place again. His mom even tells me to move on and that I deserve better. But I love him. I can’t escape from that. Part of me really wants to make it work, but the other part of me is saying it’s not going to because he will not change. I hope to God he does. Because I love him. And life is nothing to me without such. If that means I have to put him before myself until he gets better, I will, I suppose. I can’t help it — I love him with all of my heart.
    ~Samantha
66. jewell on January 15th, 2009 2:23 pm
    

    Samantha
    I truly feel your pain and even down to cracks in your heart. Please do not waste any more tears on him. Pray for his soul and his ex girlfriends and move on. It will hurt it will tear you to pieces but fortunately Jesus is there waiting to put your broken heart back together. Ask him to help your loneliness and your feeling of insignificance because you do matter to Christ and since he never leaves or forsakes you you are never alone.
    Please dont give in to Satans trash, I did for so long and it only wronched my heart even more. I do know it is hard but Christ can overcome it for you.
    Love you soul
    Jewell
67. Mickey on January 25th, 2009 10:04 pm
    

    I broke up with a pathological liar 1 year ago and am still struggling to let the anger go. It is something I pray about a lot. I sympathise with everyone else who has been in this situation. At the time I knew his stories didn’t add up but he was so good at arguing back and turning it on me and making me feel ot trusting him that in the end I would give up to keep the peace. EVen when I broke up with him it was months and months of phone call stalking telling me that he had brain tumours and was going to kill homself.

    In those points up the top of this page it says that you can pick a liar by the way they figit and don’t make eye contacty and stutter. I’m afraid that is not always the case. A true pathological liar becomes so involved in their lies that they don’t flinch when they lie or are covering that lie with another lie. My ex could look me straight in the eye and lie.

    Thank you to everyone for sharing on here. It has helped me to not feel so alone in this.
68. mina on January 28th, 2009 10:42 pm
    

    well I can definitely agree with that. Pathological liars lie so well until you almost become aware that it’s an addiction just like a addict of substance, an addict of food and any other addiction. I think they believe their own lies so it dosen’t matter if you believe them or not because in their mind “it’s the truth”. I feel the only way for them to be helped is through the divine power of prayer (lots of prayer). I almost feel sorry for a person whos whole life consist mostly lies until they don’t even understand that they have a serious problem that most likely result in major issues if they don’t @ some point learn how to be truthful.
69. Mickey on January 30th, 2009 10:30 am
    

    I need to say to Samantha that you need to get away from that guy. I know you love him now and you are still emotionally attached but that will subside one you get away from hima and move on. You deserve better that that for youself and you need to love yourself enough to believe that you do deserve better than that.

    He has cheated on you and lied to you. He won’t change that unless he really wants to and it sounds to me like he doesn’t. He will keep treating you like crap because you let him.

    I felt sorry for my pathological lying ex for a couple of weeks and now I don’t at all. He has made those decisions for his life and he can deal with it and without me being in his life.

    Please be strong.
70. Rider on March 15th, 2009 8:03 am
    

    I think a ton of this stuff if very wrong and really damn hurtful. You do not understand the first thing about pathological liars. There is a big difference between a pathological liar and an ass of a man or woman who lies all the time to be unfaithful or for any other harmful/deceitful reason.

    I came to terms with the fact that I was a pathological liar a few years ago, and it was a problem that I had since I was young. My memory is often patchy, and every now and then I realize that certain memories that I had (not very big or important ones mind you) didn’t actually happen. It is very scary when you realize that memories you had were actually constructs of your own mind. I only realized and accepted it as a problem when I realized that my first instinct to answer many questions asked to me was to lie. Things like shifting the time five minutes ahead or lying about what I ate for dinner a few nights ago. These kinds of things don’t matter, and it makes no sense to lie about them! I make myself stick to all promises I make, so that was my loved ones have a fail-safe to know that I am being genuine. Having adult ADHD/ADD combination doesn’t really help things along, especially when people use wrong “lie detection techniques” as stated in your “Pathological Liar Symptoms.” You have a few points of truth in that list, but i guarantee you that if you are dealing with a pathological liar, most of that list won’t apply to them. If you reject someone that the above list “applies” to, then you have either just alienated an ass that isn’t worth dating, or more likely by your list, a quality person with attention or nervousness issues with whom you could have had a connection.

    It is not an easy thing to tell anyone, let alone someone you are dating and/or love, that you are a pathological liar or once had a problem with it. Often when you put your trust in people to open up about this kind of problem, from that point on they walk on eggshells all the time wondering whether or not they are being truthful or faithful. If that person was truly that deceitful and wrong, he/she wouldn’t have mentioned that they had the problem in the first place! They would have kept it to themselves to continue getting away with lying. Even if they don’t open up about it, that doesn’t mean they are deceitful, mean, or evil. It is hard to realize when it is a real psychological problem, and even harder to tell anyone for fear of never being trusted with ANYTHING ever again. I didn’t want to lie to my girlfriend about anything, and I have to continue to fight not to do so. When I first told her I had a problem with pathological lying, I was hesitant and scared to death that she was going to leave me and never talk to me again. If that would have happened, I would have lost one of my closest friends, my partner, and the love of my life. She didn’t judge me, and she agreed that she believed if I was trying to deceive her, I wouldn’t have told her I had a problem. I believe that has made us closer.

    I am not condoning lying or cheating by any means. Honestly, I think that being unfaithful in a relationship is one of the worst things possible, because the act of cheating directly hurts the one person who gave their heart away only to have it crushed by the one they loved. I am just pointing out that pathological lying is commonly used to describe a person who lies frequently and isn’t trustworthy because they are deceitful. This is not the case. If you want to reword this article “Demon in the Flesh: Are You Dating a Liar?” or simply just “Are You Dating a Liar?” I would be perfectly fine and supportive. However, if you are going to put up a medical/psychological condition of which someone doesn’t have full control over and then rant about how these people are worse than actual liars and cheaters, I pray for you as you are casting judgment upon others and incorrectly at that.
71. Peaches on April 2nd, 2009 7:25 pm
    

    Dear Rider, I agree with you that some of the comments posted doesn’t necessarily sound like the people they dealt with were pathological liars. You say you were one and have worked through it with your girlfriend. Maybe your case wasn’t as severe. You probably had a compulsive lying disorder. This is different from being a being a pathological liar. I’m no shrink by any means, but I dont think a pathological liar can cure his or herself. Not on their on anyway. If you are truly cured, congratulations. Now, to Mickey, I hope you read this, as it’s been a while since you last posted. I completly understand where you’re coming from. Your comments sound so much like what I went through and still have problems with but it’s tapered down a bit. I dont know how long that is going to last. My ex was a pathological liar or should I say is a pathological liar. These liars are good at making you feel guilty when you know you are not guilty. I’ve been through what you’ve been through. They are so good at getting what they want and they could care less who they hurt in the process. They lie about any and everything. My ex would call me repeatedly too. Making up story after story trying to make me feel bad. Sometimes I feel like an idiot for falling for him, but I believe everthing happens for a reason and one day I will understand. My ex knew how to con people including me. He was emotionally and verbally abusive at times. He always claimed he loved me and would never leave me. The longer I stayed with him, the harder it was to get out. He still calls me at work telling more lies trying to get me back. I’ve have not heard from lately though. To end this, my advice to anyone involved with a pathological liar is to get out fast! I was hurt emotionally and finacially. I could write a book.
72. Amanda Monette on April 11th, 2009 9:40 pm
    

    I can relate, my son’s father is a pathological liar also, and the bible states that Stan’s native tongue is lying and that pretty much sums it all up.

    God Bless all for staying strong.
73. JDP on May 5th, 2009 10:39 am
    

    You are wrong about the signs pathological liars show when lying. They are not nervous or uncomfortable and they have no problem looking you in the eye. In fact, they often sound more convincing than a “normal person” who is telling the truth, since the normal person may be worried about not being believed.

    Contrary, a pathological liar is not worried about being caught lying. It’s like they can not grasp the possible consequences of getting caught.
74. CB on May 19th, 2009 3:26 pm
    

    For those who are pondering leaving a liar - Yes, it’s difficult. I did it, though, and if I can do it anyone can. I’m weak, gullible, extremely naive. But, I did it. I made it through emotionally by planning ahead to fill those times with replacements. One good to break a bad habit (treating a bad relationship like a bad habit) is to replace it - like replacing cigarettes with gum. Not magic, but it sure helps.

    Figure out, when are you going to feel the most lonely? Right after work? Arrange to meet friends for supper after work, or invite friends over if you can’t afford to eat out. If you have kids, find others with kids and it will be easier to make play dates for the kids while the adults talk. But, beware, it will be difficult and painful. What I truly see now is what I thought before was difficult WAS HELL. I thought I was in a difficult relationship, that I should just try harder, stop complaining, etc. But, now that I”ve been out of it for years, I realize now that I was going through complete hell that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy (even him). He kept calling after I left, but as my life started to improve, was starting to be around NICE people, life was beginning to get just so much better that the longer it went on the less tempting his phone calls and emails became. I changed my phone number, rejected his emails, didn’t even read, sought CARING people (they’re so much more fun to be around!!!), and listened to the advice of older people with experience. BEWARE of advice from people who are in relationships that they have to try hard at. There are many people who say that if one works hard on a relationship it will eventually work. That only works if the other person is genuine, and people who have no guilt conscience will NEVER care, and the relationship will NEVER, unless you consider accepting cheating and lying as a working relationship. Work all you want and you will only be drained, depressed, and die very young.

    So, how do you spot a liar? The signs given above are good, yes they are sometimes for nervous people who are telling the truth. But, sometimes you can tell a lie if someone does those things and usually is a calm person. HOWEVER< a truly pathological liar is very charismatic and their lies are told with more calm and confidence than their truth. It’s weird, but serial killers and pathological liars are not like other people and you really cannot tell when they are lying by their mannerisms. Truly pathological people often pass even a lie detector test. BUT, if you notice when their stories don’t match up, that’s the only way to tell. Have you called their work, found out they weren’t there, then asked them how work was? If they lie like THAT, when you have evidence that they were NOT at work and later they say that they were, that is the only way to find out a pathological liar. EVIDENCE.

    We all want to blame the victim, see signs, because if we can blame the victim it feels like we are more in control. Like rape victims, even WOMEN will say, “she was dressed scantilly” or whatever, because they want to believe that if they dress a certain way it won’t happen to them. But the truth is, oftentimes victims were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. The sad truth is, we can’t tell a pathological liar from an honest person by their mannerisms, no matter how much we may want to. They’re good at what they do. They only way is to keep your eyes open for inconsistencies and evidence of lies.

    Like the woman in this post who checked the email, sometimes we have to check stories to find out if people are liars. However, if you check stories and you find someone that tells the truth consistently, it is time to trust.
75. Luka Magnotta on June 9th, 2009 2:31 am
    

    All I wanted was to have a mature enough boyfriend to include me in his life. Im so tired of fighting to have a normal relationship.

    I just want a boyfriend that couldve stood up for me.

    I wanted a boyfriend who WANTED to go for walks with me, play basketball with me, go to the beach with me, go to movies with me, suppers with me and spend quality time with me and FORGET about his friends and what they were doing….but enjoy ME!

    I guess that was too much to ask, all I got was him asking me to have sex with strangers in bathhouses and on craigslist and lies.
    His one retarded friend was jealous of our relationship and friendship and so he tols everyone he say me on T.V and ruined any of my chances of having a friendship with his buddies.

    My boyfriend is too blinde to see that his “best friend’ was jealous of our friendship/relationship and he was spreading rumors.

    My boyfriend always cared more about his friends feelings then mine.

    I always felt like I loved him more then he loved me and I always had to fight to make him warmer to me. I remember in the beginning he would love to lay and look into my eyes. now its a chore and an argument. That’s how I know he’s a phony.

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