Comments on: Rebound Relationships Dating Advice

By: sally

sally — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 02:33:03 +0000

i went out with my ex boyfriend for 4 and a half years from the time i was 17-21. I loved him very much and he loved me very much. He tried his best but addiction got the hold of him and he could not put in the effort required to maintain a good relationship. Also being very young he was influenced by those other males around him and how they were living their lives (mostly all were single) he cheated on me and covered it up for 3 months until i eventually found out. I dumped him and went through the most pain i have ever experienced in my life. I was physically ill, could not eat and could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. I ended up moving out with one of his close friends and another couple of friends. Everything was innocent enough at first but it grw into a sexual relationship and then into a serious relationship. we have been dating for 4 months. I have read all of your comments and i am really stuck as to what to do in my situation..the boy im with now is caring, loving, understanding, he would do anything for me, he gives me security and we are nesting now-just like I wanted with my other boyfriend but he could not give me that. do you think i am doing the wrong thing? we both have lost many friends over us being together. however i feel us as a couple are very well suited and we share the same common goals in life. he is someone i picture myself marrying and he says the same thing to me. however….i still think about my ex. even though he hurt me so much we were together for so long and he still is in contact trying to get me away from my current boyfriend. i dont want to hurt either of them-or myself.

By: Insanity

Insanity — Fri, 03 Oct 2008 17:47:39 +0000

In regard to rebound dating relationships, I was in a 9 year relationship and found out my ex had cheated on me once while drunk. He didn’t tell me about it for a long time, but I couldn’t forgive him and we separated. While we were separated, I started hanging out with a guy from work, and things got serious. I got a divorce and soon after, I got remarried. Now I keep thinking I have wronged my ex, that I should have been there for him, and that I don’t know what I am doing. I love my husband, but at times my love for my ex outweighs that love. I know that my husband loves me very much, and is afraid that I am going to leave him, and at this point I have thought about it so much that I have a hard time believing myself when I tell him I am not going anywhere. He has done nothing wrong except for wanting to be with me and to love me, and all I can do is think of my ex and how much I still love him. I don’t know what to do, and wish desperately that I had not opened the door to a relationship until I was ready. At the time I felt that God was bringing us together to heal my hurt over my ex, but now I am not sure at all that I have done the right thing.

By: thalan

thalan — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 03:18:34 +0000

In regard to rebound dating relationships, I sat here and read everyone comments. All I can say is I finally found people who understand where I come from. For some reason guys who are the rebound are attracted to me. They date me for a while and they either end back with their girlfriend or find someone else. I really don’t deserve this!!!I’ m a good person who is looking for love as well and I’m so tried of having my heart broken by selfish men who are only looking oout for their needs and not thinking how it will effect other people. I just wish for once that someone will take me seriously instead of view me as just a friend.

By: Zafod

Zafod — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 19:43:00 +0000

Wow you so called christians have very loose morality, you’re all fooling around without being married. I guess that is what Jesus meant in Matthew 15:8 “This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.”

By: Tara

Tara — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 18:20:53 +0000

I just got out of an almost 4 yr relationship. The guy is my best friend and we still hang out and have sex occasionally. 1 week after we broke up he decided to talk to another girl, and they got really close really quick, but me and this guy are still having sex, do you think that i should warn the girl about what is going on? or leave it be?

By: Richie

Richie — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 15:48:32 +0000

In regard to rebound relationships, how do you pray for someone that is victim to lies and manipulation. my fiancee got confused, conflicted over marriage in general and a guy she works with. she told me about it and told me she needed space, i accepted that expecting her to come around. my exwife got a hold of her and told her a bunch of lies about me. my now ex-fiancee will have nothing to do with me and is with the other guy. he is an emotional predator and used manipulation to get her attention in the first place

we did go fast, but i’m not sure this is a rebound dating relationship since we were friends from the past. there was chemistry then but we were so young. when i got back in touch with her she was living with a guy. she said that the relationship was emotionally dead for months and she just didn’t have a reason to ask him to leave, they were living as roommates in separate rooms.

By: kel

kel — Fri, 27 Jun 2008 15:19:50 +0000

In regard to rebound relationships, I dated this guy for about 8 months. He was in a 5 year relationship and we started dating 6 months after. I had been in an awful relationship with my son’s father and ended it 2 months before him and i met. My son’s father verbally and physically abused me. When the new guy and I started dating he talked about his ex a lot. She also would drop by his house saying they are just really good friends now. She has a boyfriend and I was there when she stopped by. Everything was fine in the start. He worked out of town a lot so we only really seen each other when he was in. I realized I was starting to neglect my parental responsabilities. He drank almost every night he was in and i drank along with him. In the end everyting was my fault and even after we broke up. He hardly ever called me only texted me. I started getting it together, started picking upo the pieces. After we broke up i was an emotional mess trying to contact him. He started believing things one of his friends were telling him, so he text me telling me I’m such a liar and I need to stop being messy and lying. I pretty much figured this was a rebound relationship for both of us. When they start shift blaming saying its your fault you fault all you can do is walk away. You dont want to end up like that. Walk away with some pride and worry about you!

By: Wendy

Wendy — Thu, 01 May 2008 02:27:47 +0000

Regarding rebound dating relationships, I just got out of a almost 3 year relationship. I had to leave the relationship because some of my needs were not being met. I’m a little hurt sure. I know its only going to take me about 2 months to get “over” this. Over all the relationship was great compared to all the others and we are friends.

Now I do like a guy that I meet not to long ago. But in no way are we serious. At least not yet. We have a lot in common and I dont want this to be a rebound dating relationshp, and I’m sure it wont be.I have been in rebound relationships before and everything moves way to fast.

By: Krista

Krista — Sat, 12 Apr 2008 02:17:30 +0000

In regard to rebound dating relationships, I have been dating a guy for over 2 years, we are both Christians we met a hospital fundraiser a few months after he had been through a divorce. The only problem I have is the fact that he will mention something his ex did to him that was very mean, or talk about how she had affairs, etc. I usually just let it go and after he mentions it – he lets it go. A few nights ago, he said something again; I told him it upset me and he just looked at me and didn’t say a word. I quietly left and went home. The next day I talked with his mom and she already knew what happened because he called her. She told him that he needs to let the past go or let me go. He talks about marriage sometimes and then other times he says he isn’t going to marry ever again. Three days have passed since that night and we yet to speak. It’s like all the sudden it’s over. He told his mom that he loves me but he doesn’t want to be married again. What do I do? – am I a rebound?? Do I give him some time? Or do I move on?

By: Christina

Christina — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 00:29:53 +0000

In regard to rebound relationships I had a long-term relationship with a Deacon. I lost my virginity to him after his repeated pressuring. He left me after a year, because he said he “just had a feeling” that our rebound relationship “was not meant to be.” Of course, that did not stop him from calling me at night, and sleeping with me post-breakup. I just found out a few days ago that he started seeing a twenty-year old girl who works at a fast food restaurant. Throughout our post-breakup get-togethers (rebound relationships) he always told me there was no one else he was with… but now I know that he was seeing that girl just a few days after he left me. I feel so stupid for believing his lies.

Part of me wants to tell his church about the real kind of person he is. But he always tells me that no one will believe me, and they’ll just think I’m a psycho ex-girlfriend. I probably won’t ever say anything, because I’m worried that it would be more out of vengeance than concern, anyway.

By: stacey

stacey — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 20:54:41 +0000

Hi well right now i think im a rebound relationship because i still have feelings for my ex, and also my current boyfriend has feelings for me too, but people say im using him in this rebound relationship to get over my previous relationship but im not.

By: Sarah

Sarah — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 07:50:58 +0000

OK about rebound relationships my ex-fiance and I dated for 3.5 years and broke up in July. I met my new bf in November and now we are in love. I dated a couple of people shortly after my ex and I broke up but nothing serious. My new bf and I are getting more and more serious and I don’t this to be a rebound relationship. It’s not that I am afraid of being alone-I actually enjoyed being single and dating around for awhile but then I met my boyfriend and he is simply everything I ever wanted. How do I prevent us from being another rebound statistic?

By: Kenneth

Kenneth — Tue, 26 Feb 2008 14:59:25 +0000

Regarding rebound relationships I guess I am trying to pick up the pieces of myself right now. I was in what I thought was a serious relationship (not a rebound relationship) with a girl who I really loved for 1 yr. She just came off a 17 yr marriage in which he was cheating on her. Well you guessed it, as we approached a year, she dumped me. I was devastated. Still am for the matter. I realize there is nothing i can do. I let my heart open to disappointment. But, what’s funny is, she is now seeing someone else already not even a month after we broke up. So is there a pattern here? Can someone really be healed from what i gave her and ready for another love that quick? Or is she rebounding off my rebound? Do I stop any type of contact and seem mean? Thanks for any shared thoughts. I am writing this from my heart that has been bruised. I need the strength of God and friends to move on.

By: David Butler

David Butler — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 00:40:11 +0000

Dear Sanity Check..This is hard to say, but you are in a rebound relationship. It’s too fresh for him and you are in danger of getting hurt. We suggest separating for a time until he gets his life together. Dating after divorce is tough enough without dealing with a rebound dater.

By: Sanity Check

Sanity Check — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 22:57:39 +0000

regarding rebound relationshipa, Sanity check, please! My boyfriend and I are “serious”, i.e., exchange I Love You’s, and it appeared clear that we’ve embarked on what could be a very long and happy relationship. He’s wonderful (with 1 exception).

Here’s the thing. We’re both divorced. Me many years and he only 5 mos (separated 1 yr before). His ex calls him often, and often times the calls have nothing to do with his son. I don’t ask him what they talk about (I often walk away so I don’t seem nosey), so I can’t give specifics. He does misc favors for her, too, which have nothing to do with the child.

What’s more, recently he and I were snuggling on the couch, watching tv, and she called. I imagine she asked “what are you doing”, because his first word (post-“hey there”) was “nothing”. Then, we went into the other room and talked in whispers. It upset me and he picked up on it. He asked to talk about it (good sign) and I explained my concern was with him telling her he was doing “nothing” (rather than “[My name] and I are watching a movie”) and then trying to talk so I could not hear. He said “[he doesn’t] want to hurt her feelings”.

Before this, he told me that he truly believed that she was “the love of [his] life” for last 20 years. If she were a lesser ex, I don’t think it would bother me so much. But between the “love of my life” comment, the child (which he absolutely adores) and the fact a new girlfriend makes an ex-husband far more appealing, I’m struggling.

So, my questions are: How much contact with the ex is too much contact? And why can’t he be honest with her about his new relationship? My personal opinion is that, if you intend to have a successful new relationship, the feelings of your partner should be paramount to the feelings of your ex (consideration given to the relationship for the sake of the child). If our relationship hurts her feelings, so be it. Right?