Rejection Hotline: Dating Advice for the Dumped

rejection

Rejection hotlines often offer this bit of dating advice that we all already know: Rejection is one of the hardest things to deal with as a single person.

Getting rejected in connection with dating is absolutely the worst kind of rejection because it touches us on such a personal level. It doesn’t matter whether the rejection occurs while asking someone out on an initial date, or in the middle of a long term relationship. Rejection hurts. Period.

In fact, the “after effects” of being rejected, dumped or dissed (take your pick) by the opposite sex can linger around for years. I can still recall that lost, empty feeling I had as a teenager after my first girlfriend pushed the rejection button on our dating relationship of one week. I didn’t even get a rejection letter. Sigh.

Rejection Hotline Tips on Handling the Pain of Being Rejected

If you are a single Christian who has suffered rejection in your dating life, and has experienced accompanying depression and loneliness, be encouraged by considering the following:

Know That God Is Working It All For Your Good

You know, I hate it when people quote Bibles verses to me when I am going through a painful moment. Just shut up and be with me if you wish, but don’t get preachy until I have time to process.

Anyway, I suppose most of you already know this wonderful promise from Romans 8:28. If we love God, He really will work everything (even rejection) for our good, even if it doesn’t feel possible at the time.

By way of example, I can share stories of singles who were heartbroken because their girlfriends or boyfriends broke up with them. However, months later they were thanking God for having been rejected because had that not happened, they never would have met their present soulmates. It’s really amazing how your Lord works, so just hang in there, okay?

Understand That Everyone Experiences Rejection.

Rejection is not something just poor little you has to suffer. The rejection bug infects all of us from time to time. That’s just the way it is. If you have read the news recently, you’ll see that even outwardly beautiful and famous people like Christine Brinkley and Jennifer Aniston suffer rejection. Even our dear Saviour, Jesus, suffered rejection by others (Isaiah 53:3).

Learn From The Experience

None of us like to experience rejection. But when it does come, we should take the opportunity to take stock of what has just occured. You may never know all the whys, but let the following rejection hotline questions guide your own soul searching process:

Will I allow rejection to make me a bitter person or will I look for the positives in my experience to build on in the future?
Do I need to make any changes in my life physically, emotionally or spiritually?
Can I forgive the person who rejected me?

Know Where Your Self Worth Comes From

It doesn’t matter what others think of you. What a trap to base your self-esteem on that! It doesn’t even matter what you think of yourself. The real issue is that our true worth comes from what God thinks about you. The true fact is He loved you enough to die for you, and considers you very valuable (Luke 12:7).

Are you a single person who has something to share about rejection?

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Comments

19 Responses to “Rejection Hotline: Dating Advice for the Dumped”

Kristi on May 21st, 2007 2:03 am

Being rejected doesn’t bother me. I am a christian. I have God. What else do I need? Nothing and nobody. I have God. If God doesn’t think it is right for me, he will lead me in the right direction. That is how you all should feel if anyone reading this has gone through that. Hope it helps. I am on Yahoo IM if you need to talk… ANYBODY. kristiusaf07@yahoo.com

Also on Myspace: http://www.myspace.com/kristiscoville
David Butler on May 24th, 2007 11:28 am

Kristi:

What a wonderful attitude on rejection, and you are absolutely right! Kristi, we are praying for you..By the way, feel free to write an article on rejection so others can be encouraged…

David
Manders on November 12th, 2007 5:04 pm

It’s too bad NOT everyone is at the same point you are at. I agree you don’t need anyone else but it doesn’t hurt to have friends.
Bruce on November 17th, 2007 1:34 pm

Being rejected is very painful and depressing for me.I am an older Christian divorced man, and have been getting rejected for the last 11 years. The pain never leaves, and as I see friends get their lives restored by finding mates, the pain deepens. It feels like God has shut the door on my life. I have asked Him to fill the deep “void” in my life, but nothing happens. I’ve been to two Christian counselors,and they say I just need to date, and find someone,but all I get is rejection. I don’t know what else to do at this point. Someone please help…..
dave on November 26th, 2007 4:47 pm

Rejection does come from all sources, teenage kids are good teachers. Whether an x,or a date, I go back to my identity in Christ. Romans 6 !1-14, It is more important to understand what He thinks about us and who we are rather than what others think. I have found a great web site on the exchanged life, We are new creations. exchangedlife.org. Two great books which have helped me. ” The Marvelous Exchange” by Flatten, and the “Rest of the Gospel” by Stone.
Feel free to contact me if you have any questions or comments.
Velichka on January 10th, 2008 10:12 am

Bruce, am an older christian mother divorced with 3 kids and after 7 years of rejection I met a wonderful guy at church and we had a godly relatonship for 1 year. its over now and am hurting that’s how I found this site. trying to heal. But don’t give up hpe. God knows you and he knows that he hasn’t found the girl worthy of you yet. He will find her and you will be happy again. Even in my tears I know he will. Take heart and don’t give up. vomukuba@gmail
beverly on January 27th, 2008 8:10 pm

OMG MY BF JUST GOT REJECTED AND DUMPED ME! IM SO SAD I NEED HELP…
Henry on February 2nd, 2008 10:42 am

I have read what you said, Bruce. I am very sad to hear about being you being rejected and dumped in your dating relationship.

Maybe God is teaching you something? Maybe He wants you to recommit to him wholeheartedly and Love him with all your heart, soul and strength?
He wants you to Love him first, because he has been waiting eagerly to give you a Godly partner that he has designed for you?
Maybe you need to recommit?
Please dont quote me here.. I’m guessing this might be the case..

you can do it, Bruce
Bruce on February 9th, 2008 2:57 am

Yes, I have suffered rejection, but thank you all for your encouragement and admonitions. I have now wholeheartedly (that’s the key) recommitted my total life to Christ. I have been overwhelmed with joy and peace,…something I have not had for years. I now trust God for a mate, and even if I get rejected and don’t get one, I still have peace in Christ. I thought I could never arrive at this point! A miracle!! God Bless you Dave,Velichka, and Henry. I have learned that when painful circumstances are out of my control like in rejection….He is in control, and I can give ALL the baggage to Him!!
Kimberly on May 25th, 2008 5:24 am

I need a Rejection Hotline-My husband began showing his true self being verbally and emotionally abusive a month into our marriage. After just 3 years he’s rejected me and has filed for divorce. I have suffered rejection. I’m heartbroken at his choices but respect God’s given us all a free-will choice. The good news is Jesus’ love and truth offers us restoration and healing. Many turn away when we allow Jesus’ light to shine brightly from within our hearts. They reject us and run away as the light of Christ holds us accountable for our sins. We are all sinners saved by grace but we can only be accountable for and change ourselves. I’ve come to understand God needs to be in total control of every aspect of my life for me to be fruitful and healed. My value is not found in being loved by others but in loving others as Jesus did. In forgiving and letting go of dreams, promises and vows which were broken not with bitterness but forgiveness. I hold fast to God’s awesome promise He will never leave me or forsake me. I pray you find God’s perfect peace in holding onto the fact He created you, adores you and wants the best for your life. God’s timing is not ours but is always perfect. Although you faced rejection, remember you are a priceless treasure and are deeply loved!
H. Mickey Gill on September 18th, 2008 3:39 am

In regard to rejection hotline: Who’s kidding who here?!? Women can’t stand men, and are quick to blame every man for everything gone wrong in women’s lives.

The sexes are so polarized in this day and age, and male bashing has replaced baseball as the national pastime. It seems now that anytime a man wants to seek female companionship, here’s what happens:

1) He gets laughed at.
2) He gets cursed at.
3) He gets sued for sexual harassment.
4) He’s automatically branded as an oppressor and sexual predator.
5) All of the above.

The end result appears to be that, on average, women tend to think of men as worthless at best, and horrible as usual. With all the man hating vitriol that’s out there, is it any wonder that a lot of guys have completely given up on love and romance?

I admit this up front: I DO NOT BELIEVE that there is a soulmate out there and I’ve long since lost all hope that men and women are supposed to be on the same team.
Jackie on December 23rd, 2008 10:51 pm

Rejection Hotline: Will someone please help me? I just had a break up with my boyfriend. We are both Christians and go to the same church. He broke up with me without giving me a reason. We were together for over 2 years and now he’s gone. I really don’t know what to do. Should I have hope? should I talk to him?Ii really don’t know.
David on December 24th, 2008 2:01 pm

I just ended like 5 hours ago a Christian dating relationship of 4 1/2 years…. we were both in high school when we met and now into college are apart. she goes to school across the country and tells me before she goes (2 1/2 years ago) she cant do this without me… I was going to let her go and enjoy her college experience cause I didn’t wanna grow apart and end up heartbroken and now she tells me she wants to experience the world and not worry about me in across the united states in. she tells me its not me but her. that she doesn’t know… she said she wants to to be apart and pray about it… so i have but i still believe this is the girl for me… by the way she has been my only relationship and I’ve been her only relationship as well. so is it that we just grew apart or now god wants us to grow individually? i don’t know what to do… go after the girl or just let it be… move on.
Fab on January 30th, 2009 10:32 pm

Hello Jackie and David,
I’m sorry for your pain and I can relate. A month ago my bf told me he was going back to his ex (who wasn’t even his last gf) you can imagine how heartbroken I was. I crawled my way back to God and that is where I’ve always found strength before we broke up and now more than ever.
My advice to you both is that, go back to the Word, find strength and encouragement in the Word. Be sincerely honest with God, He already knows your pain but you have to open your mouth and tell Him exactly how you are feeling. Submit everything you are feeling to Him. If you were meant to be with your ex-es you’ll be. It’s hard but you’ll be fine. That’s hard to believe now but trust God. I also want my ex back because I love him and I know he loves me too but he’s confused….but with God all things are possible.
For now, work on yourself and put God first, always!
Jeff on February 1st, 2009 7:25 am

My christian girlfriend just broke up with me and I feel very alone. I know God is with me but sometimes I wonder. I know many Christians mean well when they say just get back with God, read the bible and get back into fellowship but sometimes I just feel like letting go. I know he has someone better out there for me right? Where? Do I look or just wait for it to happen? He’s got miss perfect out there for me, will he drop her on my doorstep so we can just skip the whole process of getting to know someone just to end up breaking up later? Do I have to lose that one too to learn some bigger lesson in life that I just don’t care about anymore? It was God’s will in the beginning but at the end it just wasn’t?! So many Christians say after the fact well they didn’t think that it was meant to be. So easy to say after the breakup. Let me just say if your a single man do yourself a favor, even if the girl is Christian but has a divorce and kids, don’t date her. AVOID her. You won’t be able to trust a word that comes out of her mouth because all she’s thinking of is getting married, someone to take care of her and the kids and it doesn’t matter who it is as long as he has money. I know ladies this is terrible generalization but for the most part it’s true and you know it. This type of woman is just not worth your time. This is the best advice I can give you single men-tell her from the beginning your not going to spend any money on her until a marriage if there is one. See if she sticks around after that bombshell. If she hasn’t left you I suggest before you pop the question, make sure to go with her for at least a year or two before asking her to marry, and if she’s still there get a prenup! I bet at that point she runs from you. AVOID SINGLE MOTHERS
H. Mickey Gill on February 6th, 2009 6:55 am

I’m with you, Jeff. I would not date a single mother either. I’m single, have no alimony to worry about, no child support to worry about, and I do not want the burden (however blessed) of raising kids. No way, no how, no chance, no kidding. So, if I do not want any children of my own, I’m not about to get into ANY situation that would involve raising SOMEBODY ELSE’S KIDS!!!. There are too many horror stories along those lines.
M. Lawrence on February 16th, 2009 10:49 pm

I think the main thing in getting rejected is NOT to generalize everyone else. Don’t get lost in bitterness and resentment. As said in Hebrews, “14Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. 15See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”

Don’t let a painful rejection cause you to take offense and steep yourself in bitterness and resentment. That will just separate you from God and prevent you from being in the place you need to be to have a healthy relationship. Don’t decide that all men are dogs. Don’t declare that all single women are gold-diggers, etc.. None of that attitude is of God - and you’re essentially sinning by wallowing in the bitterness. For those of you struggling with this issue, pick up a book entitled ‘The Bait of Satan’ - which talks about how becoming offended can lead you down the road to bitterness and resentment and how that can essentially deny you Christ’s forgiveness - because if you don’t forgive, then you won’t be forgiven.

Rejection hurts. It’s humiliating (I’m going through it right now) and painful. But in the end, you’ll probably be thanking God that it happened to save you from a situation that apparently wasn’t going to work.

Additionally - God’s Will never changes. But people have free will. I think that in cases where someone’s free will gets in the way of His will for you, God will make a way or He will give you something better. But often, we think there is nothing better - even though what we have is the equivalent of pig slop, lol. This is where trusting God to know best comes in.
Katie on February 22nd, 2009 6:25 pm

I was married 29 yrs and had a mutaul divorce. Remarried a preacher 10 yrs later and he was verbally abusive and divorced after 9 months. Went through breast cancer and divorce at the same time. During my radiation treatments I met a guy from a friend and married hm 4 months later. He was a Godly man at first but changed 7 months ago. I was so happy and I thought he was. He was good to me and my family but was 10 yrs older and health not great either. He just told me he was overwhelemed by being married and did not like married life. He was single 15 yrs before me. He is retired military and does not like to be questioned about anything. If I had a difference of opinion he took it personally. I tried so hard, but he quit wanting to go to church and the money got tight and we could not travel as much, and he liked to have lots of money to blow, and I was more conservative, but these things are workable. I am receiing counseling and he moved back to Fla. Just packed up and left. He attempted to do that several times but I begged him to stay and let’s work ot with counseling. He has already changed his mailing address and gotten his things, al in the course of one week. My family and his is devastated. We all thought we were perfect for each other. I am sad and embarrassed about 3 marriages. Any advice. He says he is in no hurry to get the big D and he is supposed to start counseling next week. But I am so confused and now I am not sure if I can trust him again. What if he came back and left again. What kind of life is that?
Sheri on April 26th, 2009 2:37 am

This is my first time on the website. I would like to comment on the two posts from February about not dating single mothers. I would encourage those two…and anyone else…to not judge people before you know them. I am a divorced single mother. I was married to an abusive man. It was very hard to get out and two years later I still have a lot of healing to do. While I would like a relationship, I’m not looking for someone to raise my child. That is my responsibility. All I care is that they treat my child with respect. I also am not looking for someone to take care of me. I support myself financially and have my own home. I don’t need a man to take care of me. I just want someone to share my life with. Anyone can think whatever they want about me for getting divorced but until you have walked in my shoes, don’t be so quick to judge me. I’ve been a Christian for a very long time and I prayed long and hard before I left and I know God still loves me!