How to Be a Sensible Fool in Love

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love means never having to say you’re sorry unless you don’t heed the advice you are about to read. My friend David runs this site and I asked him if I could pen (who pens anymore in the age of computers?) an article for his readers.

In my professional life in the court system, I have observed these 10 truisms many times over the years. This advice seems like things everyone should know, but sometimes you need to hear it again. All of the following apply to men as well as women:

• If your relationship began as the result of an affair, you need to ask yourself why would my significant other not then cheat on ME sometime in the future? You should not expect to make a life with someone who did not take their marriage vows or commitment to a relationship seriously. A tiger doesn’t change its stripes people!
• If your significant other has a child from another relationship that they do not see, investigate the situation thoroughly before committing to a relationship with them. If the other parent is withholding the child, it is probably for a good reason that you have not yet experienced.
• Having children will never save a marriage or improve a relationship. You should bring children into the world because you want them, have a happy home, and are willing to put their needs ahead of your own. To bring them into a dysfunctional situation so you won’t be lonely is cruel. If you don’t want to be lonely, get a puppy!
• Not everyone is meant to be a parent or has the ability to be a parent. There is no shame in not having children. You may be scarred from a bad childhood yourself, have addiction issues, or may be getting pressured into it. Society should not dictate perhaps the most important decision in your life.
• If you know you are in a bad relationship and already have one child with your significant other, you might want to take steps so that you will not have any more. I have had many women tell me over the years that they knew their marriage was bad right from the beginning, yet continued to make a bad situation worse by having more children.
• If you marry someone with children from another relationship, the best thing to do to make it successful is adopt the attitude that this is your biological child and treat them as such. If you are marrying their parent, you are marrying them! Always be mindful that they have a mother or father and respect their role as much as possible. If the non-custodial parent does not mind you being hands on, embrace that role. If they prefer to take the lead, you support the child from the sidelines; define your role early on.
• The first time that someone strikes you in a dating relationship, walk away. There is NO excuse for it or apology that can be offered to make the pain of that experience go away. If the person does not follow your wishes and leave you alone, seek information about whether you are eligible to obtain a restraining order.
• If your current beau has a restraining order against them from someone else, that should raise a red flag for you and make you seriously consider whether you want to stay involved with them.
• If you find yourselves constantly fighting and you are only dating, what do you suppose will happen after you get married? As hard as it is to be by yourself, it is better to be alone than to continue in a dysfunctional relationship. Every day that goes by that you are miserable in a bad relationship is a day you are never going to get back. Additionally, it keeps you unavailable to find that special someone. Love and relationships shouldn’t have to be constantly difficult and if it is, maybe you are in it for the wrong reasons.
• When you fight with your significant other, fight fairly. Do not curse or degrade them. Make your point and explain how your feel. Do not bring up past mistakes or incidents that the other person might have done wrong that have nothing to do with you or why you are arguing. A thousand compliments after the fact almost never makes up for a cheap shot. You can never lose yourself in taking the high road!

Mike Johnson, the author of this article, is a mediator in family court.

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Love, Sex and the Bible: Christian Dating Podcast

Love, Sex and the Bible. These are topics most all Christian singles find most interesting. This week our first Christian dating podcast features Pastor Tim Lucas, from Liquid Church in Morristown, NJ. His message, “Love, Sex and the Bible”, is an awesome talk about Christian dating. In addition to this Christian podcast, “Love, Sex and the Bible” can also be listened to via MP3 format on our on site media player (see below) or downloaded through your own computer. Enjoy!

Love, Sex and the Bible: Our First Christian Singles Dating Podcast!

By the way, each week Christian Dating Service PLUS! will be featuring a different podcast/MP3 with Christian singles messages, music or video from churches and Christian singles groups all over the world. “Love, Sex and the Bible” was just our first. Hooray!

Every week we reach thousands of Christian singles, so if you want your church’s or Christian singles group’s message, song or video podcasted on our site, please feel free to contact us.

Are you a single person with something to share about the Christian dating podcast, Love, Sex and the Bible?

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Courtship Love or Casual Dating

The casual dating versus courtship love debate rages on in some conservative Christian circles. Ever since Joshua Harris’ bestselling book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye came out, this question has come to the forefront: Should Christian singles interested in the opposite sex practice casual dating or Christian courtship?

But let’s pose another question that cuts to the heart of the matter: Which model, casual dating or courtship, has better end results viz-a-viz pre-marital sex, domestic violence, infidelity and divorce rates?

Both sides voice their highly dogmatic views, but the raw truth of the matter is that we simply don’t yet know the answer. It’s going to take several decades before Christian social scientists can measure what real difference, if any, the modern courtship love movement has made on marriages and families. Until then, I believe both sides should put James 1:19 into practice: “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to listen, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”

By the way, what do most single Christians feel about the issue? They’re mostly apathetic and the vast majority date in traditional ways as their parents and grandparents did.

For our part, Christian Dating Service PLUS does not believe in the concept of casual dating because we feel:

• A romantic relationship should never be an end in itself, but should have the goal of working toward marriage. Additionally, if the couple are single Christians, we would expect that this relationship would be under the lordship of Jesus.

However, we also believe there is a place for traditional dating outside the teen years, and so don’t feel the courtship and dating issue needs to be couched as an either/or proposition. The best of dating and courtship can be combined.

Are you a singles pastor or Christian single with a different take on casual dating and courtship? Please help other singles sharing your views on courtship and love.

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