What Christian Guys Need in a Wife

Christian Single Couple

Most Christian single guys are familiar with the proverb: “Whoever finds a wife finds a good thing.” Amen! In fact, this is a main reason why many single Christian guys seek out online Christian Dating Services. Since the beginning of time, it’s been a good deal for a single man to have a wife. Remember, in Genesis the Lord said, “It’s not good for man to be alone. I will make him a suitable helpmate.” So when the average single Christian guy starts praying for a “suitable helpmate”, what are the top 3 qualities he actually needs?

Christian Guys’ Helpmate/Wife

I know I’m going to get in trouble in some circles for saying this, but the first thing a Christian guy needs in a wife is sex. Lots of sex. Why? Without sex two people cannot become one flesh. God created sex as a wonderful form of intimate communication for procreation and pleasure. He also put an intense desire in man to want to often make love to his wife. He thinks about it frequently, and may even write songs about it (see Song of Solomon). Ladies, the man who tells you he does not have a huge interest in sex is not practicing heart level communication, or is simply not normal.

Therefore, a suitable helpmate is one that understands her man’s God- created needs, and goes out of her way to satisfy them in godly ways. First Corinthians 7:5 implies that the husband (or wife for that matter) who is satisfied in the marital bedroom is less apt to be tempted elsewhere in other sinful ways.

In my profession and ministry, I cannot tell you how many marriages I saw destroyed on account of the woman under-estimating her husband’s need for sex and/or the husband’s lack of communication on the topic.

A second thing a Christian guy needs in a wife is for her to respect him (Ephesians 5:33). For some reason (I guess we can call it ego) man has this innate need for his wife to respect him, especially in the area of his being able to provide for and protect the family. A man will feel like a total failure if he is lacking in these areas.

If a husband is going through particularly difficult straights in his career and life (ie: job loss, health issues), the wife should take special care of his feelings during this time. When a Christian guy has the respect of his wife, he is energized and can soar to heights unknown. Without respect, his passion fades and he withdraws from life.

The top third quality a Christian guy needs in a wife is for her to encourage him, facilitating a safe haven from the storms of life. From folks like Ruth Graham to Laura Bush, this cliche holds true:”Behind every great man is a great woman.” This kind of woman will not have to worry about her husband wandering because she knows how to “make her house a home” in which her kids and husband love to be (Proverbs 31).

If you are a Christian woman reading this article, you may be feeling like, “Hey, how about my needs in marriage?” Remember, the Christian husband is also called to be a helpmate, and to love his wife as Christ loved the church. By the way, in a previous article we also addressed what Christian single girls want in a man.

Okay, as a single Christian woman or man, you don’t presently have a suitable helpmate. That could be a bummer unless God has specifically gifted you for singleness. However, you can begin to prepare yourself and your future mate by taking some practical steps by faith:

Pray for your future husband or wife on a daily basis, that God would bless them, and cultivate in them just the right qualities that will complement you.
Pray for wisdom, guidance, purity and understanding as the Lord leads you in dating/courting relationships.
Thank the Lord in advance that He will provide for all your needs (Phil 4:19; Psalms 37:4).

Are you a single or married Christian with a different take on what a Christian man needs in a wife? Feel free to share your comments.

Comments

18 Responses to “What Christian Guys Need in a Wife”

Jen on August 5th, 2006 12:38 am

I am 31 Christian woman and have been looking for a nice Christian guy to date, in which hopefully the relationship will lead to marriage.

Although, every where I turn, the guys I seem to like turn out to be married every time, which then leaves me feeling like all the good ones are taken. Then I know there are single guys that seem interested in me…but they don’t ever approach me to ask me out for a date. I guess I’m a little old fashioned and think it should be the guy who should ask if they’re interested. And I guess I shouldn’t have put my career ahead of my personal life for as long as I did…because now that I’m ready to look for my soulmate…the pickings are quite slim.

Needles to say, I’m getting rather discouraged and thinking I’m doomed to single-dom for the rest of my days.

I realize that the Bridget Jones movies are “R” rated…so please don’t judge me for watching them. Yes…there are things in the movies that I could do without…mainly the language and some of the content…but if you get passed all that, one of the reasons I like the movie(s) so much is because I can relate to the character of Bridget in many ways. There is a scene when Bridget has to go to a home of married friends and everyone else there is either married or there with a date. She arrives alone and feels like the 5th wheel…so to speak. I often feel like that in social situations like, for example, the company picnic. There are a few of us single gals just sitting around trying to fit in but feeling left out as the couples all group together and talk…or the families all go off by themselves to do their own thing, leaving the single person sitting there alone to twiddle their thumbs. Yes, some of single gals talk but needless to say…it’s still a little depressing and lonely.

Then there are the statistics that say…”If you didn’t marry early, chances are you never will”. Great. Thank you so much for that wonderful piece of information. You have greatly increased my hope of ever finding my soulmate (note my sarcasm).

I’m also a little skeptical about the Internet dating game because…well…I hate to say it…and I know it’s now a growing trend…but I still have this idea in the back of my head that says if I do Internet dating, it’s like I’m acting out of desperation and it’s no better than putting an ad in the local newspaper personals. Might as well put a sign on my forehead saying, “Desperate woman in search for a husband.”

And then I heard from someone else that attended the local Christian singles group say, “Don’t go there, they’re all old divorcees or widowers.” So I’m thinking, great…I’ll be the only 31 year old woman in a room full of 50-70 year old single men. Wonderful. I’d really like to find someone closer to my own age very much thank you.

I do pray for my soulmate to come into my life and I feel that if it happens…it will just happen like everything else has in my life and I’ll never see it coming. But right now I don’t understand why I have to go thru this time of lonliness. I don’t know if the Lord has me here in this place for some purpose. I’m sure there’s a reason I can’t comprehend, and perhaps in the future all will be revealed…but getting from point A to point B is quite discouraging.

Any advice you might give me that might brighten my day?

Sorry this has gotten so long…I guess I just needed somewhere to vent my frustrations.

Thank you for “listening”.
John on October 4th, 2007 5:18 am

Glad to see there are sites like this to help believers in their search for their “Lid for every pot” as my mother used to put it. Wish I had known about these sites before I found my “christian” woman who fails all criteria in above article (especially sex!) Doomed to a life of “quiet desperation”. I scream inside daily- to all -take your time-be sure God’s in it or enjoy swimming in the cesspool.
David Butler on October 4th, 2007 12:35 pm

Dear Jen-
We are definitely praying for you..In the meantime, I really suggest you read this article Christian Dating and Waiting on God. Jen, we must walk by faith, not by sight. That includes taking faith filled risks when it comes to your dating life. Please email us if you wish to sspeak further.

John:

Nothing is impossible with God. I know many couples who HAD a rotten sex life, and God turned it around. What you need to is honestly and lovingly communicate your feelings to your wife. Pray with her over the issue, seek counseling if need be. I know what you’re thinking, and that’s not an option. God bless.

David
Robert on December 27th, 2007 6:09 pm

I am a fourty one year old
man
I watch bridget jones too

and how to lose a guy in ten days and any other movie

we are NOT UNDER THE LAW
we are free in christ

I am a man i want to marry a woman
I want to have passionate regular sex with the woman i love
i want to go grocery shopping
I want to read the bible together make a snow man
garden together

but where are the woman that want to be married
to one man
have sex with one man
LIVE for god
have a family

I am so tired of crying tired of being alone
tired of being the persistant prayer man and saying to god
PLEASE GIVE ME MY OWN WIFE

i have suffered alot in my life
and even after all that
my strongest desire is to love one woman

why cant a christian man
find a woman that wants to be loved?

Robert
Jane on December 31st, 2007 4:04 am

As a single Christian woman looking to meet a single Christian man I am looking for someone who will be assertive and will smile at me, say hello and show interest and make that first move. After that, I will definitely show my interest. But, guys, if you see someone you would like to meet, smile and say hello. It is really discouraging when in a roomful of people and not one guy tries to catch your eye, probably due to shyness. Maybe the Lord is waiting on us to do our part and then He will turn our watery efforts into wine.
Terri on January 18th, 2008 3:51 am

Jen: I really understand where you are coming from. In my situation, I’m college-educated but have developed a disability that has really isolated me from meeting people. I have OCD, but try to appear as normal as possible. Now that I’m 47, it feels like it’s pretty much over as far as meeting any potential educated marriage-minded Christian. (even though I look much younger). I do the best I can as a recovering anorexic taking one day at a time. Still, it’s very difficult seeing your siblings and peers from college with their established careers and families. You’re still young so hang in there. I feel young at heart and remember to keep dancing. Terri
DavidDT on February 11th, 2008 6:05 am

Jen,

When I read your long comment in what Christian single guys want in a wife, it made me crack up, NOT because I am laughing at you, but because everything you said about not feeling comfortable with the online dating services or going to singles meeting at church where older people usually attend are thoughts I have had myself. BTW, I am a single, never been married, no kids, 34 yr. old MAN. I also would like for you to know that just like you think all the ‘good men’ are taken, well, I sometimes think that all the ‘good women’ are taken too. Let me tell you something that is giving me hope and maybe it will give you hope also.

All of a sudden, I am going to three or maybe four weddings this year. Three are family members and one is a friend, who is a brother in Christ. This friend(33), I thought, was wasting wasting his time with a long distance relationship. He found someone else and all of a sudden, he asked me to be his best man. Two of my three family members are cousins, one female(33) who I was worried she wouldn’t find some one and one male(36) who I was also worried about, because his ex-fiancee broke it off a few weeks before their wedding that never happened. Both or these cousins are Christins too. The third one is younger, in her 20’s, but I do remember she was an ugly duckling who became a beautiful swan.

Check this out, I used to pray for the older cousins to find a mate, and to be honest, I stopped after a while because I ‘thought’ God maybe wanted them to be single. Next thing I know, this year, I hear the news and I was like WOW, praise GOD!
I have faith that I will also be blessed the same way!!!!
LAL on April 14th, 2008 7:52 pm

Christian single guys: keep the faith! i’m a newly converted born-again christian… i do believe there someone out there for me and for everyone else too! how patient will you be? keep your eyes on the prize, just remember it’s not the woman or the man it’s CHRIST!
Michael Osei Akoto on June 24th, 2008 1:08 pm

How can I meet meet a devoted
christian who wants to married
a Pastor. More to be tell later.
sally on October 8th, 2008 6:32 am

Just a tip….. Yes, men do enjoy sex (love making), as do women. HOWEVER, there are times in the lives of women AND MEN when sex actually isn’t the FIRST thing on one’s mind. Keep that in mind after you get married.
dream to on July 6th, 2009 4:01 pm

Hi, I am 27 years old and have yet to find a man that wants to take responsibility and/ or get married. I date really nice guys, that are nice looking but after 2-3 yrs in a relationship they escape the marriage word frequently. I do want to be married and have a family. I don’t have any kids and i do want them but i want to be married first. I end up breaking up with my boyfriends for the simple fact that i want to be married and they act as if they don’t want to be. I was engaged at the age of 19 and relized that i wasn’t ready for that so decided not to. Now it seems as if i have everything together, career, finances, weight, looks, it seems as if it doesn’t work well for me. I know i have to be patient and wait for God, but yet and still i don’t want to remain a guys girlfriend for 6 years, don’t understand, any advice???
Dave on September 6th, 2009 7:20 am

Hey everyone

I identify with a lot that’s been said here.
I’m 33, and have travelled quite a lot, having lived in 3 countries in the last ten years. I’m now back home, in a part of the world most likeminded people have left. I’ve placed a lot of emphasis on educating myself, and am I know what I’m looking for in a wife. My most recent interest was not a Christian, and I probably handled it badly, but have hopefully learnt form it. We had a very close firendship for two years, but nothing more, and that was three years ago now.
I believe I am emotionally mature, and really want to find a wife and have children. I have been praying for a wife over the years, and recently have started raying for God to make me into a husband. I’m not sure if there’s a real difference, but I hope He will identify areas of my life that need work. I believe this has been happening.
Meeting single Christian women is a challenge, both because of my work and the recent exodus from this part of the world.
I recenty met a lady who I was really keen to pursue, but she lives in another city. I’ve visited every few months, and kept in touch, but I think I’m getting very clear messages that she’s not looking for anything more than friendship from me. This is a bit tough, as I felt she could have been the one. I’m not sure if my ego has been bruised, or if my heart is sore - either way, it hurts.
I’m definitely a slow mover, but I think that’s just part of my personality. That’s not to say I don’t ned to be more bold and willing to make myself vulnerable.

Over the years, I have developed a few habbits which have anaesthetised my “soul” to deal with my loneliness
I’ve been working on them recently, and have felt theloneliness much more keenly. It’s painful, but I’ve been thnking God for it, as it’s allowed me to “feel” fully again.
I seem to move between the conviction that God will bring the right woman into my life, and the feeling that I need to be more focussed on going out and finding her.
I get despondent at times, as I think we all do, but Glorifying God must be my top priority in all my decisions.

Nice to find people that can relate. sorry for rambling a bit
Law on December 2nd, 2009 2:30 pm

Hi

I have been praying that God leads me to my wife for a while now. I am 32 (never married no kids not on the DL, etc). I know a lot of awesome women. However, the ones I am most attracted to are taken or too old. Sometimes times the woman is muslim. Are there any Christian women who do not drink or smoke , who are not consumed with being involved in every part of pop culture for Christ? I’d like to meet a woman who has some godly wisdom and discernment with knowledge of God beyond being saved by grace.
My problem is that I am too shy. The perfect (looks and countenance) woman practically through herself in my path the other night in Target. She had the ethiopian accent and everything. But all I could say was, “excuse me”. Then I kept walking. I’m still kicking myself lol. I try to say that God has not opened the door. This is why I have not approached anyone. But deep down I hear a resounding, YOU PUNK! LOL

Ill keep praying and looking.
Kathryn Young on December 7th, 2009 4:12 am

I have been praying for a spouse for the longest time. I have dated “Christian” men in my church only to find out they are only after one thing and when i won’t give in they leave. I have found out that the reason why this happens is because i am a single mother. I am raising my three kids by myself and trying to raise them in a loving Christian home. However, it does get frustrating when a man who proclaims to love the lord enters my life and ultimately my childrens lives only to find out that it is not the case. Are there any Christian men that are my age (30s) that are not married, who truly love the Lord with their entire being, and do not mind that i am a single mother? There have been Christian men that i have been interested in but as soon as they find out that i am a single mother they distance themselves from me. What is wrong with being a Christian single mother??? Is this really going to keep me from being with the man i am supposed to be with?
Marie on December 12th, 2009 8:53 pm

Kathryn,

I know how you feel. I am in my 40s.

First, let’s not assume just because a man goes to church he is a true Christian. My husband had all the right upbringing and went to church all the time when the doors were open. On our third date, he brought condoms. I tried to get us to stop, however he seemed intent on sex. No, it was not right. We dated for three years, and I love him immensely. He turned out to be self centered and jealous of the kids to the point of abusive behavior toward them because he wanted all my time and to have me give minimal time to the kids. I think it was a sign.
Now, I have been single for quite awhile and I have been distanced by everyone because I am divorced. Divorce and true Christianity do not agree. At any rate, I was with the man I thought I would be with for the rest of my life. It did not work out and therefore, I will have to remain as I am. I have (almost) come to terms with this, though I am still finding myself in love at times with other men, and fighting to keep my distance. So, keeping the distance is a two way street for me.
I wish you luck if you are not in my situation. If you are a single mother because you were never married, then yes - the guy is going to assume you are a loose woman, no matter that you are attending church and trying your best to serve God. Perhaps you may want to come forward in church services and confess to sinning, ask for prayers and also help from sinning again. Just be sure to not engage your children in the mix until you are sure of the guy. That way, your kids do not continue to get attached and detached. That is an emotional ride that they should not be a part of. Tell the guy straight up that you want to wait for marriage before sex. I know, I keep wondering myself how that works because what if the sex is bad between you, then you are stuck. However, that is the Christian way to abstain until marriage. The bottom line - be straight with the guy and let him know that you are dating to find the right person to marry. I hope this helps.
CarpeDiem on December 13th, 2009 1:23 am

I did exactly what your article said a woman needs to give her husband. I gave him lots of sex – everyday – whenever he wanted it. I enjoyed it too and prioritised what he desired, even when I was tired from work or not feeling my best. I recognised that men need sex to feel loved and connected with their wife. I kept things exciting, I spoke words which made him feel loved and manly, I showed him how much I enjoyed what he did to me. I respected him and encouraged him. Even when he struggled with his many issues which hurt me, I forgave him and supported his progress. I was always kind to him with my words and loving actions – I never stopped trying and always did my best to emulate the ‘Biblical Woman’. I was utterly devoted and faithful. I put him first and forgave him graciously.

However, he still engaged in porn. He still sought out other women to stroke his ego, he still abused me verbally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.

I guess what I am trying to say is that a woman can be all that you suggest and give it all in a godly way to her husband, but unless that husband TRULY serves the Lord (and knows that love is a verb and that actions speak way louder than words) then that is not a recipe which ensures success.

Hopefully next time around (God willing) I will find a man who deserves me.
Jayne on December 15th, 2009 12:21 pm

I read the last few posts and it seems that there is a common thread, nice people looking for real relationships based upon respect and friendship in a world thats all about sex, here and now. I believe a physical relationship is special and it shoul add to the the interpersonal desire for companionship. Yet in the dating world, it appears to me that the opposite sex is just in it for what I can get tonight. I am not knocking men, but if there is an expectation for that so quickly, obviously some women are encouraging that expectation! I am not looking for a superficial relationship. I treat my ownself with respect. Does anyone know where I can find a nice man that respects himself and wants a friend and partner first?
Ivy on December 20th, 2009 4:54 am

Re: Robert,
I know that you sound exactly how I feel. In Feb. 09 I married, May he was locked up for 6 months on aggravated robbery, by July my mom died while my fake christian husband was in jail, by Sept. I had swine flu and two weeks ago divorced. I thought I had the man God sent me. I was so not listening to God. I am 44, tired of Mr. I’ll be him, I want a man that is singing for god, and praying for others, kind, honest, compassionate, wants to sit and watch a good movie or go look at art. One that is not jealous because he knows that I love him so much and I am so happy w/him that others don’t even cross my mind. I am so lonely, sad and broken that all I can do is cry, pray and prepare myself for that one that I know God is sending me.
Ivy