In this #MeToo era, Abusive relationships are not uncommon among dating single Christians. Some singles have been in an abusive relationship, and know the pain that goes with it. Sadly, other single Christians reading this article right now are presently in an abusive relationship, but may not know it or be in denial over it. While in the rest of this article we will designate the victim as a “she”, over 10% of abusive relationships consist of women against men. Abusive relationships come in all sizes and shapes, which at times could make it difficult to realize you or one of your friends are actually in one. Would you know it if you were dating an abuser?
Abusive Dating Relationships Are About Power and Control
The victim of an abusive relationship may suffer one or more of the following forms of abuse:
Abusive Relationships and Isolation
In an abusive relationship the abuser is obsessively possessive and jealous.He has tight reigns on what the victim does, where she goes or who she talks to on the cell phone.
Abusive Relationships and Emotional Attacks
The abusive dating partner will often make the other party feel inept, stupid or crazy. He accomplishes this through manipulative words or acions. He may accomplish this through putdowns about her appearance or intelligence. He may also inexplicably withdraw affection, using it as a weapon. All of this wreaks havoc on the abused’s self esteem.
Abusive Relationships and Intimidation
In an abusive relationship there are often subtle forms of intimidation by the use of body language (facial expressions, gestures, etc). An escalation in this area would also include yelling, ranting and smashing items precious to the victim. This a bad scene all around. Abusive Relationships and Threats
If the perpetrator in an abusive relationship is not getting his way, he may resort to making threats of physical violence against the other person, their children or even themselves: “If you leave me I will kill you and myself.”
Abusive Relationships and Physical Violence
In this most dangerous stage of an abusive relationship, physical violence could very well include beatings and/or sexual abuse. The abuser will often apologize afterwards through tears and promises, and the victim will usually forgive them or be afraid to report the incidents, even to the local church leaders.
Proactive Steps to Take in an Abusive Relationship
- Never give up outside relationships with family, your local church pastor and trusted friends who can give godly advice in time of need. In this regard, the benefits of being involved in a Christian singles small group cannot be overstated. Remember, since the victims in abusive relationships tend to be co-dependent, keeping contacts with the outside world will help them maintain realistic thinking.
- Educate yourself on the resources available for victims in abusive relationships. A good place to start in the US is the National Domestic Violence Hotline. They can be accessed via the web at ndvh.org. In the UK, you may want to check out hiddenhurt.co.uk. In Australia, a great abusive relationship resource can be found at dvirc.org.au/HelpHub/HelpIndex.htm
- Seek professional Christian counseling to help guide you through the issues that caused you to get into an abusive relationship. This is important because unless you learn why you got into such a relationship, you will likely repeat the process.
Are you a single Christian stuck in an abusive relationship? Related Articles: Christian Single Girls Who Date Bad Guys Pathological Liars-Are You Dating a Liar?
A quase um ano estou namorando com um rapaz, ele passou 1 ano tentando namorar comigo e eu não queria mais ele ensistiu tanto que eu não resisti. Eu gosto dele mais, ele muito me decepciona, apesar de nunca faltar na igreja ele ainda não tem uma vida ministerial e eu já tenho a minha melhor amiga é muito amiga dele e sempre brigamos porcausa dela o nosso relacionamento ta muito estranho eu tenho muitas duvidas e a minha vida espiritual esta abalada e eu não sei como resolver este problema e nem posso conversar com ninguém que conheço. Ajude-me
I don’t know how to get out of this relationship. This man mentally abuses my children and myself. If my kids wake up to early, around 8 or 9 he yells and screams. This morning he ruined my daughters doll house and she started crying, she is only 6 yrs old. He sits there laughing in an evil way. I cannot deal with this anymore. I feel like I’m going nuts, and have some crazy tendencies then wonder what it is that I am doing. This isn’t normal. My whole life my dad abused my mom and I can remember it hurting, he tried to kill my dog in front of me and my sisters. He hurt my mom, I don’t know what to do and no one will help me. I feel sometimes like God is punishing me in some way. Why can’t I get any help. Last time he choked me and I sprayed cleaner in his eyes, this was because that was the only thing I could find. I got arrested for it and he got to stay in my apartment. They made me leave. I was the one screaming, I was the one with bruises around my neck and I was the one in pain. No one came!
I hate the whole submissive requirement by Pseudo Christian men. I left a relationship after I was choked once too often. He would also leave bruises on my body and thought that was a sign of his lust for me. If I told him he was hurting me, he would tell me to be submissive. What hurts the most is that this man goes to church and acts the perfect servant of christ. It is such a betrayal to find out someone is a false christian. I wish the fundamentalist churches would take a bigger stand against this kind of abuse.
Denise..You are not crazy. You MUST get out. God is not punishing you, you are punishing yourself and your kids by staying with this abusive man. You need to find a safe place for yourself and your kids and get out now, before it gets worse. He is sick and needs help, he feels like a man doing what he’s doing to you. Be strong help is around you but you have to make the 1st step. Your kids and youself deserve better.
God is not punishing you. I can only say the same as DD. Leave him as fast you can. He might be a sociopath and they can turn real dangerous. I am man and i believe in God, but i dont believe that women ought to stay with abusive and evil men to please God and a outdated fundementalistic church norm.
I think God intends us to live full and rewarding lives also in relationships. I have tried abusement myself, i just left my female friend because she was very jealous. She always in all circumstances saw evidence that nourished her suspicions. Day after day i had to hear her accusations. But i broke free i had to for my own sake and mental health. Nobody shall accept abusement in a relationship. Break free for your own and your children’s sake. Find the courage and act!!
God doesn’t pick favorites! Philips daughters prove that God loves women as much as men,& I do believe some shady characters who have called themselves christians have tampered with God’s word,the bible! For those that have re-writen God’s words for him & added false things,they shall surely be punished,& the bible warns of such people!
God is not a sexist! No one deserves to be abused except those who are abusive & wicked!!! Get out of abusive relationships ASAP! No one can abuse you if you don’t allow it & if you love & respect yourself,it won’t happen unless you are kidknapped & have no way of escape! Other than that,Get Out & help others to do the same! males & females are equal to God,so don’t be fooled by the liars & the haters!!!
If you learn to love yourself,you won’t be abused & you will save lives & others with your new found knowledge!!!
You an’t truly & honestly Love anyone until you Love yourself! The scripture that says ” Love others as you would Love yourself” proves that. It starts with self love first so you can love another when you first love yourself! we love God because God first loved us! Someone who has no love for themselves cannot easily accept a Great & Mighty God’s Love! Love yourself & you cannot be abused,at least not if you are free to get out & have free will,& if it means leaving with no money or clothes,so be it,at least you have life which is a great gift! Teaching others is a great thing to do so don’t be selfish,go help people so they learn to love themselves & trust God!
God help me. I am in an abusive relationship, I have bad dreams, I have tried.