Abusive Relationships-Are You Dating an Abuser?

Abusive Relationships-Are You Dating an Abuser?

Are you a single Christian in an abusive dating relationship? In 2023, Christian abusive dating relationships are not uncommon among dating single Christians. Some singles have been in an abusive relationship, and know the pain that goes with it. Sadly, other single Christians reading this article right now are presently in an abusive relationship, but may not realize it or be in denial over it. While in the rest of this article, we will designate the victim as a “she”, over 10% of the relationships consist of women against men. Abusive relationships come in all sizes and shapes, which at times could make it difficult to realize you or one of your friends are actually in one. Would you know it if you were dating an abuser?

As we delve into this sensitive topic, it is crucial to remember that abuse is never justified and goes against the core principles of Christianity, which emphasize love, compassion, and care for one another. In this article, we will explore the signs of an abusive Christian dating relationship, aiming to create awareness and foster healthier connections.

Abusive Dating Relationships Are About Power and Control


The victim may suffer one or more of the following forms of abuse:

Abusive Relationships and Isolation

The abuser is obsessively possessive and jealous. He has tight reigns on what the victim does, where she goes, or who she talks to on the cell phone

Abusive Relationships and Financial Control

In certain abusive Christian dating relationships, one partner may exert financial control, restricting the other person’s access to money or using finances to assert dominance. This manipulation can lead to dependency and make it challenging for the abused partner to leave the relationship.

Abusive Relationships and Emotional Attacks

The abusive dating partner, often a narcissist, will often make the other party feel inept, stupid, or crazy. He accomplishes this through manipulative words or actions. He may accomplish this through putdowns about her appearance or intelligence. He may also inexplicably withdraw affection, using it as a weapon. All of this wreaks havoc on the abused’s self esteem.

Abusive Relationships and Intimidation

In this scenario, there are often subtle forms of intimidation through the use of body language (facial expressions, gestures, etc). An escalation in this area would also include yelling, ranting, and smashing items precious to the victim. This a bad scene all around.

Abusive Relationships and Threats

If the perpetrator in an abusive relationship is not getting his way, he may resort to making threats of physical violence against the other person, their children, or even themselves: “If you leave me I will kill you and myself.”

Abusive Relationships and Physical Violence

In this most dangerous stage of abuse, physical violence could very well include beatings and/or sexual abuse. The abuser will often apologize afterward through tears and promises, and the victim will usually forgive them or be afraid to report the incidents, even to the local church leaders. At this point, you really need to end the abusive dating relationship.  The National Domestic Violence Hotline number is  737-225-3150 Need help on how to end a dating relationship?

Proactive Steps to Take in an
Abusive Relationship

  1. Recognize the Signs of Abuse:

The first step towards healing is recognizing that you are in an abusive relationship like gaslighting. Abuse can manifest in various forms, including emotional, verbal, physical, and even spiritual abuse. Watch out for signs like constant criticism, manipulation, isolation from friends and family, control of finances, and undermining of your self-worth. In Christian dating relationships, it’s essential to distinguish between religious guidance and abuse masked as a spiritual authority.

  1. Stay in Touch With Family and Friends:

Breaking free from an abusive relationship is not something you have to face alone. Reach out to friends, family members, or support groups within the church community that you trust. Openly discuss your concerns and fears with them, and don’t be ashamed to ask for help. Sometimes, external perspectives can offer valuable insights and encouragement.

  1. Evaluate Your Safety:

Prioritize your safety above all else. If you feel physically threatened or fear for your life, don’t hesitate to contact local law enforcement or a domestic violence hotline. Your well-being should always be the top priority. If possible, have a safety plan in place before taking any steps to end the relationship.

  1. Establish Boundaries:

When you have decided to end the relationship, establish clear boundaries with your partner. This may include cutting off all contact or, if necessary, communicating through a third party. Stick to your boundaries and avoid giving in to emotional manipulation or guilt trips.

  1. Seek Professional Help:

Professional counseling or therapy can be immensely beneficial during and after leaving an abusive relationship. A therapist can help you work through the emotional trauma, rebuild your self-esteem, and provide guidance on making healthy relationship choices in the future.

  1. Engage in Self-Care:

Abusive relationships can take a toll on your mental, emotional, and physical well-being. Focus on self-care activities that bring you peace and joy. Engage in hobbies, spend time with loved ones, meditate, or practice mindfulness to nurture your inner strength.

  1. Find Spiritual Support:

Abuse can often lead to questioning one’s faith or feeling distant from God. Remember that the actions of an abusive partner do not reflect the true essence of Christianity. Seek out a spiritual leader or counselor who can provide support and help you reconnect with your faith in a positive and healing manner.


Recognizing and escaping an abusive Christian dating relationship is a brave and empowering journey. Remember that you deserve love, respect, and support in a relationship, and any form of abuse is unacceptable. Reach out to trusted friends, family, or professionals for help and support during this challenging time. With time, self-care, and perseverance, you can break free from the chains of abuse and rebuild your life, moving towards healthier and more fulfilling relationships in the future.

Are you a single Christian stuck with an abusive partner?

Related Articles:

10 Ways to Destroy a Christian Dating Relationship

Signs of a Bad Christian Dating Relationship

When to Leave a Relationship

Biblical Signs of an Evil Person

Boundaries in a Christian Dating Relationship

Christian Single Girls Who Date Bad Guys

Pathological Liars-Are You Dating a Liar?

Christian Singles Resources

Christian Dating Advice

 Christian  Dating Service

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    • m...

      A quase um ano estou namorando com um rapaz, ele passou 1 ano tentando namorar comigo e eu não queria mais ele ensistiu tanto que eu não resisti. Eu gosto dele mais, ele muito me decepciona, apesar de nunca faltar na igreja ele ainda não tem uma vida ministerial e eu já tenho a minha melhor amiga é muito amiga dele e sempre brigamos porcausa dela o nosso relacionamento ta muito estranho eu tenho muitas duvidas e a minha vida espiritual esta abalada e eu não sei como resolver este problema e nem posso conversar com ninguém que conheço. Ajude-me

      • Densie

        I don’t know how to get out of this relationship. This man mentally abuses my children and myself. If my kids wake up to early, around 8 or 9 he yells and screams. This morning he ruined my daughters doll house and she started crying, she is only 6 yrs old. He sits there laughing in an evil way. I cannot deal with this anymore. I feel like I’m going nuts, and have some crazy tendencies then wonder what it is that I am doing. This isn’t normal. My whole life my dad abused my mom and I can remember it hurting, he tried to kill my dog in front of me and my sisters. He hurt my mom, I don’t know what to do and no one will help me. I feel sometimes like God is punishing me in some way. Why can’t I get any help. Last time he choked me and I sprayed cleaner in his eyes, this was because that was the only thing I could find. I got arrested for it and he got to stay in my apartment. They made me leave. I was the one screaming, I was the one with bruises around my neck and I was the one in pain. No one came!

        • marie

          I hate the whole submissive requirement by Pseudo Christian men. I left a relationship after I was choked once too often. He would also leave bruises on my body and thought that was a sign of his lust for me. If I told him he was hurting me, he would tell me to be submissive. What hurts the most is that this man goes to church and acts the perfect servant of christ. It is such a betrayal to find out someone is a false christian. I wish the fundamentalist churches would take a bigger stand against this kind of abuse.

          • DD

            Denise..You are not crazy. You MUST get out. God is not punishing you, you are punishing yourself and your kids by staying with this abusive man. You need to find a safe place for yourself and your kids and get out now, before it gets worse. He is sick and needs help, he feels like a man doing what he’s doing to you. Be strong help is around you but you have to make the 1st step. Your kids and youself deserve better.

            • Nanoq

              Dear Densie

              God is not punishing you. I can only say the same as DD. Leave him as fast you can. He might be a sociopath and they can turn real dangerous. I am man and i believe in God, but i dont believe that women ought to stay with abusive and evil men to please God and a outdated fundementalistic church norm.

              I think God intends us to live full and rewarding lives also in relationships. I have tried abusement myself, i just left my female friend because she was very jealous. She always in all circumstances saw evidence that nourished her suspicions. Day after day i had to hear her accusations. But i broke free i had to for my own sake and mental health. Nobody shall accept abusement in a relationship. Break free for your own and your children’s sake. Find the courage and act!!

              Good luck
              Nanoq (Greenland)

              • Diana

                God doesn’t pick favorites! Philips daughters prove that God loves women as much as men,& I do believe some shady characters who have called themselves christians have tampered with God’s word,the bible! For those that have re-writen God’s words for him & added false things,they shall surely be punished,& the bible warns of such people!
                God is not a sexist! No one deserves to be abused except those who are abusive & wicked!!! Get out of abusive relationships ASAP! No one can abuse you if you don’t allow it & if you love & respect yourself,it won’t happen unless you are kidknapped & have no way of escape! Other than that,Get Out & help others to do the same! males & females are equal to God,so don’t be fooled by the liars & the haters!!!
                If you learn to love yourself,you won’t be abused & you will save lives & others with your new found knowledge!!!

                • Diana

                  You an’t truly & honestly Love anyone until you Love yourself! The scripture that says ” Love others as you would Love yourself” proves that. It starts with self love first so you can love another when you first love yourself! we love God because God first loved us! Someone who has no love for themselves cannot easily accept a Great & Mighty God’s Love! Love yourself & you cannot be abused,at least not if you are free to get out & have free will,& if it means leaving with no money or clothes,so be it,at least you have life which is a great gift! Teaching others is a great thing to do so don’t be selfish,go help people so they learn to love themselves & trust God!

                  • Connor Delco

                    Even though it may seem too hard and painful, the best thing to do once you notice the signs of an abuser, especially if you are in a relationship, is to get out.You’ll be glad you did as time passes.

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