Anger at Being Single-Dealing with Anger in Relationships

I appreciate that someone is writing about all this – I found this blog through one that talked about how Christian singles avoid activties and such at the church because it is all married couples and everyone is fascinated at why you are still single and that it must be something wrong with me and that they have no answers. Seriously, like I haven’t tried dating and praying about all this – they could maybe rack their brains of possible matches for me, right? Of course not, they have to worry about themselves. (Wow, maybe I do have a bit of anger..or bitterness or something about all this).
Anyway, I appreciate you writing this, and I dont think it is anger that I necessarily deal with, but loneliness and exhaustion from this journey. The verses of God’s plan and perseverance I believe, but are not really comforting anymore. Any suggestions on how to deal with loneliness while being single and waiting?

I am with you Nicky! I feel the same way, but I am a bit angry at God. I am dealing with that though. I have been saved since 15 yrs old and I have kept myself pure. I am now entering perimenopause in my mid 30s sooooo yeah, I am a little upset. What is going on? Is God asleep up there? lol j/k Funny thing is it wasn’t a real concern until I started getting older and my biological clock started ticking. I can understand when you’ve only been saved a few years but it is going on 19 years! Hellloo! I am not content with being single anymore. It is also difficult because I am in a church of 3, one of which is me! So, no single people there and I am finding it difficult b/c I feel left out of all their mens and marriage couples’ seminars. I either need to be a man or a couple…I am neither so I am left w/o fellowship. I am trying to find a singles group to fellowship with but it is difficult. 🙁 If God wants me alone forever I wish he would take this cup from me and let it pass already. This is torture!

Hi,
I would have to agree with Niki, Corina and Jake….I am 37 single..and i have been cheerful about it so far….but of late I have been unable to “pretend” to be happy.
I do feel God is sleeping too. i wonder if there needs to be blog for singles like us !!

Dear Linda,

Your love of the Lord shines through in your words. Sometimes it feels like our lives are slipping away, like watching sand fall through the hourglass, it tests our faith and we wonder if God really has a plan for us. When we give our lives over to Jesus we expect things to be different. From a worldly view, often they are not. That perfect job isn’t waiting for us, we are overburdened with responsibilities, and where is the Godly Christian man to be by our side?

God has a definite plan for you (Jeremiah 29:10-12) all be it difficult, we must be joyful in our hope and patient during the process. (Romans 12:12) Open your heart up to hear God’s will for you. He is preparing you for His purpose and in His perfect timing your Ezer (soul mate, helper) will be revealed. We must stay in the faith and keep our eyes focused on Jesus or we can miss some of the most beautiful gifts He has for us.

You have missed a part of your childhood during your journey and those years cannot be retrieved. You can rest on the truth that you are still a little girl to Abba (your heavenly Father). When the love of God tears down the walls your worldly experiences have built up, it reveals a little girl that didn’t experience the natural maturation process. Instead you were catapulted right into an adult life and role. God can fill that emptiness completely. When you close your eyes and pray, picture laying your head on Jesus lap. He will comfort you and never leave your side.

God Bless,

Jodi

I feel extreme pressure to marry and have a quiverful of children. I have a hard time worshiping God because he is angry all the time and scary. I feel like I have too marry because that is what Biblical Manhood is based on and a man must be able to lead his family or God will condem you.

I’m single but I consider myself married to the cross. Life does get lonely at times and church folks can make it worse but God is so faithful. He carries me when my heart is heavy and listens to every word and catches every tear. I am learning to trust him and not be angry or feel less than but to choose the path of peace every time.

Oh Where Oh Where has our *little* /Big/ God gone?

Seriously:

Seems to me lately that we are in a MAJOR drought for miracles and it sounds like I am not the only one with problems wondering where God is.

Second of all:

After reading about other people’s comments and realizing I am not the only one Christain single that gets angery at God when our plans go to pot I have come to a possible/partial conclusion which still needs a few patches.

I think part of this answer about anger may be cause we have committed blasemphy *which is an unpardonable sin* where we curse God or say angry things to him………even after we have been saved so now we are in a limbo punishment state. 🙁

“We now have to go thru this dangiling either a carrot before our nose or a sword above our head” I have noticed.

Yes I borrowed that phrase from a Chineese Hexagram index which describes various changes in life which are also usually pretty accurate and you can feel that ‘Hey this is Me!”

I think the next part of the answer is trying to find a way to deal with being punished when we have commited a sin as a Christain and realize it too late.

I am surprised no body has ever come up with that issue where you are ‘saved’ but you have done a sin where you don’t recognize the signs of it until the *S–t hits the fan* and you are on your knees.

I’ve just read several of the blogs posted here and although I’m somewhat relieved to know I’m not alone in my struggle, it’s still very painful to be alone.

As long as I can remember I’ve dreamed of being a wife and mother, you know the usual “American Dream” . . . , a house, with a white picket fence, a husband and two children . . . I have been blessed with the two children, but at 42, soon to be 43, I still have not experienced the rest of the dream. I know that the pain I’m feeling is nobody’s fault but my own, I did not wait for the Lord to send my mate and since realizing that, (10 years ago), my prayer has been continually, that the Lord would send a Godly man to me. God blessed me with a large heart, because even after all the rejection, abuse and neglect I’ve allowed to enter into my life, my heart still longs to love that special man. So why would God make me wait so long and suffer this never ending pain and emptiness?

I try to busy myself with other activities and take comfort in giving thanks for the things I do have, but i always end up coming back to this point . . . a pain so deep that I don’t want to go any further. At times I feel life is no longer worth living when I hurt like this. I guess you could say I give into a pity party. It doesn’t last long, but it never fails to take over.

Please keep me in your prayers as I will do the same for you. I’m thankful to find this place where I can share my feelings and hear from others regarding their experiences and feelings.

May God Bless and keep you and your families always.

Dee

Reading some of these messages I felt the pain that people are going through. I was angry at God, I’ve been speaking to him about it and when I do, I feel better. I believe that God is not on a mission to torture you and If he loves you as much he says he does because he doesn’t lie, then he has someone great in store for you.

The truth is that not everyone will get married as the Bible talks about people being given the gift of singleness, I believe that if it is God will for you to be single you will know it and if he has someone for you, you will know it also in the depths of your heart.

I believe God is always speaking to us but we are not listening because we are preoccupied with finding “the one” and most times he\she is right under our nose.

Ask God about his plans for you concerning a spouse and he will tell you (most times he will start by teaching you to hear his voice), the same way a good parent won’t give their child the “silent treatment”, God won’t ignore you when you cry out to him, but you have to listen and obey. I find that if God tells you to wait and you are getting frustrated… ask for something to hold on to and most times he will give you something it might be a word, vision, dream or an encouraging word from someone.

Moses, Isaac and Jacob all found their spouses when they went to the “well”.The church is our modern day “well”. Allow the Holy Spirit to lead you to the right church and “get involved in a ministry” by doing that you are positioning yourself to be used by God and he will give you the living water like he told the woman at the well. Most times your future spouse will be in the same ministry. Let God order yours step and he will lead you to him/her like he did for Adam and Eve, Isaac and Rebekah, Jacob and Rachael, Ruth and Boaz etc.

Believe me this works and remember that God loves you more than you can imagine!!

Blessings!

andy I know what you mean and I don’t believe that it is only when you have GOOD relationship with God that you’ll find someone, you can meet someone regardless. But I believe a Good relation ship with God is essential because it gives you an advantage by opening your eyes to things like the “Right Man”, directing and guiding your steps to be at the right place at the right time.

Another reason why a good relationship with God is important is the early stages of a great relationship needs some God given wisdom to navigate and having the Holy Spirit by your side is a fantastic tool :).

God is all you need as a whole being but because we were made in God’s image we have different parts to us and these parts need different things. The need for a spouse is not bad, actually God put it in us and has made provision for that need by having a compatible partner for you!

I agree with what others are saying. I am 52 years young. I have been saved for the pass 10 years. Before, being saved I was married at 17 and divorce by 29 with four children, since then I have been in various relationship.Live in abusive relationship with one guy for 6 years, got pregnant and right after my child was born, I fled, because Ididn’t want my child to grow up in an abusive family. Stayed by myself until my child was 5 years old. I started dating and found myself in dead ended relationship. Thinking back now, throughout those relationships, I was searching for someone to validate who I was as person, looking for love when I should have love myself, even in my marriage I had search for this love. Before and through-out the next 10 years of my life, there have been a battle going on in my life. The majority of this battle is of a financial nature. I feel whatever attempt I have made to improve my life financially turn into a failure. I have all the degrees, but yet cannot find a job. I went back to school got my BS. degree, relocated to a new home and couldn’t find a decent job, went back to school for certification in education, that didnt’ work out. I continued on to a Master degree, yet still no decent jobs. I felt as though I have wasted years of my life pusuing something that will never be. In 2007, I gave up seeking the career to fit my degrees and sought to seek the Lord and all he have to offer. I have learned to be peaceful in the Lord. My financial situation have somewhat change, but not much. The career I seek was me working for other people, but I had to face reality, and that reality was, I didn’t enjoy working for other people. I really want to work for the Lord and to find Joy in doing so. I have been single know for the pass 10 years, I mean when I first accepted the Lord, I didn’t change over night, so I still had some of my old ways in me. Dating guys just to date, and really these guys were non christians and no good. I have content myself to be happy and being single and have done so for the past 8 years, But I have to face reality, the fact is, I don’t like being alone, I know the Lord is with me. I dont like being without a earthly partner. I pray that God send me a man of God, who love the Lord with all of his heart and so would treat and love me the way Jesus would, with kindness and respect. I get tired of having to do things alone. The marority of people in my church are married so there are only a few single men and they have their own issues to deal with. Although, I am involve in church activities, I can’t help but to feel lonely most of the time. I’m praying that the Lord will take this feeling away from me. If I am to be alone, take the lonely feelings away from me and fill my heart with his joy and peacefullness. I don’t mind being single, after all I have been through, but I don’t like feeling lonely. How can I deal with these feelings. I just keep praying and believing in the Lord to do his work in my life.

Pease and God bless you all.

Just wanted to chime in to say that I can completely empathize with many of you here. I just turned 34, am still a virgin, and have been asking God for a mate for three years. I don’t want kids, so my options are limited. I’m so sick of the depression and loneliness I feel. I have this terrible fear of being alone for the rest of my life, asking God “Why?” when I die, and having Him respond with “Who are you to question me?” they way He did with Job. He’s given me a great life and many blessings otherwise, but as others have said, there are days like this when I wish my desire for a mate and sex drive were non-existent.

Who knows better what’s best for me than me? Ask and you shall receive? Yeah, right. I’ve been asking and still haven’t received.

My heart breaks for all of you! I can understand why you feel ripped-off, cheated and ready to give up on life. Still, I think a lot of what is happening however, is a consequence of modern day life which God never intended to inflict upon us. Take the movies as an example: How many of us are focused on the perfect face? Well shaped figures? The rich, successful and of course, handsome leading male? Do we have inflated expectations? Has physical attraction taken over emotional and spiritual compatibility?

Then today, more and more women are so highly educated, skilled and successful and while I know this has been wonderful in giving women more choices for their lives, has this limited the number of prospective partners? Even the most ‘liberated’ of my women friends admitted to me that she would never marry a man beneath her social standing. I’m sure church ladies are no different: I’d love to be told I’m wrong on this one though! Then on the opposite side of the fence, do men feel intimidated by women who rank higher in society?

I know several unmarried women in their 30’s. Men too. It’s a psychological epidemic! It’s an emotional plague! Can I offer some advice? Men – maybe you belong in another country or culture that values you. Let’s be honest – you are not being valued where you are. If you were, you’d be married as you want to be. Are you being called to live somewhere else? Ladies – You’re in a very different situation from the past. My cousin was a Psychiatrist, yet married a woodwork instructor. Yes, he was of a lower social standing, but she followed her heart, not societal norms. Society has changed. Many men are not as successful as women financially or socially. Can you change as well? Hope this helps. I don’t think God is going to just find someone for you without you doing something very different from before. Go on a trip somewhere. Put yourself into a different situation. Experience another culture. What you’re doing now isn’t working. You’ve got to do something else! You are suffering the consequences of major changes in our society. Now you have to make major changes! Bless you all. Much love regardless of your situation.