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Born-Again Christian Singles and Sex Struggles

The following was written by one of the many born-again Christian singles who write us weekly dealing with struggles over sex.  Some people have complained  that this “type of stuff” should not be on a Born-Again Christian singles blog. Our answer to these good folks is that if singles had  local churches they could go to to share their burdens, they wouldn’t have to come here:

I am a 23 year old born-again Christian woman. I have never been in a relationship with another person because I wish to wait for God to lead me to the right man. I have been masturbating since I was 18. I’ve never used pornography. I rarely use anything other than my hands to masturbate. I always masturbate to orgasm. I masturbate for two reasons:

1) to relieve my sexual desires. If I go for more than a month without masturbating, I start fantasizing about people I am not attracted to and sometimes, (this is even worse), I get dirty dreams.
2) to fall asleep! Believe it or not, an orgasm puts me to sleep right away! If I’m tossing and turning in bed and I know that I need a good night’s sleep in order to be functional the next day, then I will masturbate even though I don’t particularly want to.

Whatever the reason, I always struggle with guilt when I wake up the next morning. I know that my body is a temple of God. I want to reserve my sexual feelings for the person I marry (If God wants me to marry). But my desires are too strong for my will power. I have tried to ‘quit’ several times, but eventually the need always returns. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. I know that I can only free myself from masturbation if I completely surrender to the power of the Holy Spirit. Please pray for me.

Thoughts?

Bible Verse of Day

~Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ~ Galatians 6:2

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26 Comments

  1. I haven’t been in a relationship in4 yrs.I found GOD thru my cousin,who was a wild woman in her youth.Now she has M.S.and has gotten even closer to GOD than ever. I talk with her openly ,about my sexual urges. They’re very strong because I am also disabled-and it’s very easy to fall into negative thinking.Porn on-line is a problem for me,I t’s very hard to fight it.I need a good Christian woman who understands.

  2. Rick

    We need to pray for this young woman’s deliverance from her masturbation addiction. Demonic influence and torment creates addictions like this and makes them hard walk away from.

    She will get free by understanding that Jesus already freed us from every kind of bondage and oppression, including sexual addiction and sin. Once she accepts this deliverance in the name of Jesus, she needs to pray and ask the Lord to work in her mind and soul, healing the emotional wounds that opened the door to this habit in the first place.

    There are many great spiritual warfare websites that help people deal with demonic oppression. The following have helped me:

    Keyministries.org (the audio & video messages on deliverance basics are helpful)
    Porn-free.org (this site includes spiritual warfare courses on quitting masturbation and pornography).
    Demonbuster.com

  3. maxi

    HELLO 23 YEAR OLD CHRISTIAN THE REASON WHY IT IS SO HARD TO STOP IS BECAUSE IT HAS BECOME A STRONGHOLD IN YOUR LIFE. IF SATAN CAN GET US TO SIN IN OUR MIND THEN HE HAS OUR BODY TO AND HE HAS CONTROL OVER US. THE REASON WHY U ARE SO EXHAUSTED AFTERWARDS IS BECAUSE U ARE BEING SPIRITUALLY DRAINED. THE ENEMEY WANT US TO THE WE ARE TIRED BECAUSE OF THE ORGANSM BUT REALLY WE HAVE GIVEN A PIECE OF OURSELVES TO SATAN AND SATAN IS OUT TO KILL STEAL AND DESTROY.WE OPEN THE DOOR TO DEMON TO COME IN AND ATTACK US,BECAUSE OF OUR SINS. NOTHING CAN SEPARATE US FROM GOD BUT SIN AND MASTURBATION IS A SIN,BECAUSE WE FIRST SIN IN OUR MIND AND THE BIBLE SAYS THAT IF WE THINK(PROVERBS 23;7) SISTA BIBLE SAYS WE CAN DO ALL THING THROUGH CHRIST. SIN (SATAN)HAS US THINKING THAT WE NEEDTO MASTURBATE IN ORDER TO GET TO SLEEP I KNOW I HAVE BEEN THERE.(A LIE FROM THE PIT OF HELL). GOD WANTS US TO BE FREE. EVERYTIME U FALL TO YOUR FLESH AND MASTURBATE U FEEL VERY BAD ABOUT YOURSELF AND U CAN NOT DO THE WILL OF GOD BECAUSE U FEEL BAD ABOUT MASTURBATING. SISTA IF SATAN CAN KEEP U FROM DOING GOD’S WILL HE WILL. SISTA U CAN GO TO CHURCH AND WORK IN THE CHURCH AND STILL GO TO HELL FOR THAT ONE SIN.SATAN JUST WANTS TO KEEP US DISTRACTED SO WE CAN BELONG TO HIM. SISTA I KNOW THIS FOR A FACT BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN THERE. TALK TO ABOUT YOUR MASTURBATION AND TALK AND TALK AND TALK AND LISTEN TO GOD AND READ YOUR WORD AS MUCH AS U CAN. WATCH YOUR MOVIES AND TV SHOWS U WATCH THAT CAN TRIGGER THOSE FEELING AND BOOKS THEY JUST REMIND U OF WHO OR WHAT U DO NOT HAVE. GOD BLESS U SISTA AND BE ENCOURAGE

  4. david

    Honey Im so blessed by your honesty. Be;ieveme I have struggled with musturbation since i was 14. I am now 37.

    I am involved in christian ministry. born again and my testimony is available on request. i think you donot have to worry. All your sins past, present and future were nailed at the cross and are forgiven by God.

    Try to ask God for a husband and believe for the right man to fulfill the God given desires to have sex and procreate n reproduce.

  5. Joan h

    It’s not a sin to mastubate it’s natural and healthy and normal. That’s a load of crap with Satan stuff

  6. Sister in Christ

    if masturbation is not a sin, then why do people feel guilty about doing it? is it not God’s Holy Spirit telling us it’s wrong? i think the best thing for a born-again Christian who is struggling with celibacy to do is make an effort to find another born-again Christian to marry and make love to. masturbation is not worth going to hell over. no sin is worth dieing and going to hell. it’s not the will of God for people to masturbate until He sends them that special someone. There’s nowhere in the bible that says it’s “healthy” to masturbate. Satan is lying to people about masturbation to fill up his kingdom. The act of masturbation is spiritually damaging to people who are trying to live a holy life. It is a stumbling block that Satan uses to hinder Christians from having an honest relationship with Christ. Jesus will always forgive you of your sins no matter what it is, but if you’re constantly struggling with the sin of masturbation, then you need to repent and ask God to help you find a husband/wife immediately. the bible encourages people who are struggling with celibecy to marry.

    In 1 corinthians 7:8-9, Paul says “I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I (celibate). 9But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn.”

    Even if you don’t feel that you are ready to marry for whatever reason, you should do it if you are struggling with celibacy to save your soul from going to hell. I believe that it is OK for two Christians to marry if they are struggling with celibacy which may enable Satan to lead them to the sin of masturbation. Pray God gives you a partner who will satisfy your sexual desires so that you will never masturbate again. I believe that God will help your marriage in other areas as well.

  7. Esther Dickerson

    I can certainly identify with many women on this page. I am a 21, single, born-again believer. I have been struggling constantly for 2-3 years with masturbation. I am having so many problems because of it, both physically and emotionally, as well as spiritually, but I believe it has gone into the realm of being an addiction. I struggle with the guilt that comes afterwards, but the flesh is indeed so week and I have a hard time fighting off the temptations. I am a believer, like I said, but I am right now fighting off both these temptations and also the very real fear that I have become, as James the apostle stated, “a double-minded man”. The latter thought scares me, and increases the guilt. I know it is very wrong, but I think I sometimes feel afraid that I am going to always be single, no guy is ever going to notice me because of physical reasons, combined with the fact that there are very few Christian guys in my area that I have ever met, iand I am going to end up alone, with no one to be friends with or anything. I am also having a very hard time because I have nowhere to go for Christian counseling, I have not really got any friends right now that I can talk to about this, so I am basically stranded, one might say. I don’t know exactly where to turn right now, but I am so glad to see a Christian site that talks about this issue, and encourages believers in their fight. Please pray for me!! I would greatly appreciate your prayers during this time 🙂 I am sorry I had such a long post! :/

  8. Frank Castle

    Once you decide that you want to give up masturbation, you have to identify why. And as a guy who struggled with masturbation for a long time, I can tell you that once you make it up in your mind that you are going to do the will of God and follow His commands, it becomes easier. I decided that I would rather obey our Father in Heaven than continue to feed to the cravings of my flesh. Cutting away the people and material that influence you are crucial. That means watching no more pornography, no more inappropriate internet searches, and just cleaving away sexual temptation from your eyes and hands. It gets easier! Days turn into weeks, weeks into months, and months into a lifetime. Don’t let satan keep his grip on you. Save your purity and do away with the old guilt. God forgives you if you repent, but the key word is ‘repent’ meaning to change. I’ve been celibate and sexually inactive for over a year now and I couldn’t feel better. I feel so strong in Christ Jesus and His strength and grace is sufficient enough for you as well to overcome the same obstacle. Be blessed.

  9. Patricia

    Wow, I am so glad that there are sites like these where a Christian (like myself) can go and recieve advice from their Christian brothers and sisters about their struggles! I am too struggling, my struggle is with sex before marriage. I am dating a Christian man that I met before becoming a Believer. He and I have been intimate lots of times and when I accepted Jesus-Christ as my savior we became celibate and really got in to his word. Its been hard since then I have to admit, my boyfriend and I failed to keep our word once and right after we sinned I cried I felt so guilty and asked for forgiveness he did the same also! When I feel those wrong urges I try to turn to the Lord and ask for guidance as much as possible because only He can vanish the demons that want me to fail. Please mention me in your prayers, God Bless and Thank you!

  10. Child of the Most High

    I know this is an old post, but just wanted to express my thankfulness. I too have been struggling with masturbation and would appreciate prayer. Just knowing there are other Christians who have experienced this struggle, and more importantly overcome is so refreshing and encouraging. Thank you all for your bold honesty. If any of you who posted before have testimonies of success, please share them here. I will be checking back in hopes of more inspiration and will continue praying for all of us. Many blessings in Christ to ya!

  11. Gerrie Pretorius

    Natural I don’t think so. With mastutation ALWAYS comes thoughts of immorality and The bible is clear that even thinking impure is a sin. Futher more when Looking at any thing that can not be controlled in not natturally from God. It became an addiction. All kinds of sin becomes an addiction because that is how Satan gets us to commit to the sin into believe that the “nicer things” in life is sin. But when you break that addiction then you break the hold of the sin. Sin works in you Live on contracts that satan has in the live of you. Now it is like buying a house and the contract is signed. when some one chase you out the house the moment that person leaves you are going to claim that place back right? yes why because it is yours. The only thing is that you are going to upgrade your security am I right? yes. The same way every time you try to break with that sin what hammens it seem to get worse and the feeling gets more right. The Bible teaches us that if a demon is chased outit will go around the earth seeking a place to stay and when he comes back and see “the contract” is still in his name” he wil go and find 7 stronge than him to come and spice up the security. Nou sin is the influance of satan in our lives therefore the same principal works when sin is applicable. The problem with this is that because I call it the hidden adiction it makes it so much more difficult to overcome because if people see what I am doing it is easier to stop because of there judgement but it is easy to hide. Therefore it is also the biggest addiction today. To break with this is to cancel the contract. If you need more info on this you can contact me at ilanzag@webmail.co.za

  12. Redeemable

    Am happy havin read all these comments. Its over 7 yrs i started masturbating before i got born again last year, although is no more regular now but to say the truth, atleast i masturbate once in two weeks sometimes once a month just to reduce sexual tension. And i know i need to stop totally cos am just satisfying my own flesh and not the holy spirit. May God help us as we are frank and want total control of God over our lives.

  13. struggling as well

    I’m sorry to the lady who stated she basically has no one to talk to. I appreciate this site! I know its a sin and I know its not all hormones. Satan didn’t make me do it but he does know my weakness and abuses it. I also struggle in this area. I’ve struggled with this since I was in 3rd grade….. Yes with all honesty 3rd grade I’m now a sophomore in college. I too feel like the group of people I’ve surrounded myself with won’t understand. I struggle in the act of repenting so fellow believers will you pray for me?

  14. Ivan H

    Thoes who are againt masterbation and resolve to marriage as the answer. I would like to know your view of having sex with your spouse for reasons other than the intention of reproducing.

    If it is a sin then why do you suggest that marriage is the answer since you need to be abstinent for the approx 3 weeks in a month that a woman is not able to concive, plus the time during pregnancy and after you have decided to have enough babies. Will you still not burn with desire during these abstinent periods.

    If however sex is allowed even for reasons other than procreation i.e. for pleasure or intemancy, then why is masturbation a sin?

  15. Greyilin

    Am 37year old born again christian woman , still single and celibate but am really struggling with sexual desires I sometimes masturbate but I always feel guilty afterwards and hate the whole act..I know it’s good for me to marry than to burn with passion but I haven’t found a christian man that I can settle down with. The only men who chase me are non Christians and I don’t think I will be happy marrying the wrong person now just for the sake of quenching my sexual desires. Am really drained as I want to live right before God .

  16. Tanya

    The Christian anti-masturbation doctrine is a contender for the most sadistic concept ever devised by man. To deny singles and the lonely the right to relieve overwhelming hormonal pressure upon the body, (lest the God of OMNIBENEVOLENT, UNCONDITIONAL love sends them to an eternity of torture should they fail to repent – and after he has imbued them with those desires, independent of their own request and without providing them with a partner simultaneously) is truly unconscionable.
    Of course this is the same God who endorsed slavery, the beating of slaves to death, copious acts of genocide, infanticide, smashing little babies against rocks and the destruction and displacement of others, the rape of innocent women, animal cruelty and let’s not forget the aforementioned torturing people eternally for failing to believe absurdities during a FINITE life!
    What angers me more than anything is that so many innocents are duped into embracing this Bronze Age totalitarianism whilst living in, and enjoying the privileges laid down by a democracy. Traumatized minds or not, can’t you see that this is the practice of Jesus’ ultimate peeve – HYPOCRISY?
    Preaching to highly libidinous teenagers that masturbation is sinful and should be abstained from is evil! It has to be one of the most twisted BDSM fantasy scenarios I have ever heard of. Let us not forget Kip Eliason and other children who have been driven to suicide by this horrendously cruel teaching.
    The idea that you have no right to your own body and no right to your own mind is as far as tyranny can go!

  17. Me

    YOUR NOT ALONE! Masterbation is a horrible addiction, and people can become slave to it. I believe pray and reading God’s Word will help a lot. Fellowship is important as well as having godly friends.

  18. ren

    i read in a book and sermons by derek prince saying masterbation is a demon and needs to be casts out and i believe it, am also a nicotine addict and he says thats too a demon, just by will power we give up this habits and months years pass by but the urge is still there from time to time because the demon is still there, need a strong experienced christian to help me but no one in my area …

  19. tuff

    hey there..i am a born again christian struggling with masturbation I have been addicted to it for about five years.Every time I am connected to wifi i find myself in pornographic site.please help me on ways to quit the act and also pray for me.

  20. Woman Called

    @Tanya God is love and we cannot perceive God through human lense because of what we have done in our existance here on earth.He is a gracious loving God even when we want to scream our lungs out.He is gracious and will recieve us even in our trembling rage…our part is to trust that He in His infinate wisdom will sort us out…marstubation, even without saying that it is forbidden…the guilt the comes after is a big sign…and the guilt is not only rooted in the fact that it is forbidden it is rooted in the fact…yes the fact that masturbation carries with it a deep loneliness which births and equally deep guilt…lets us not submit to the power of sin because it takes a fight for us to overcome…Even Paul admited he struggled with the thorn in his side…this brilliant man of God admited he struggles with a sin…Salvation has points of struggles…and because it is a fight to rid it does not mean that is a sign we should just let go and give in to its power…its a struggle…this world is not our home and I know we get tired and think ‘this is just one issue and am not hurting anyone’…is it possible to pray after this…you feel like going into a cave for two days…you re-enact Adam and Eve andbthe shame they felt…even if you wantbto pray and read the bible you feel remived separated…This is a real issue for many… we are called to be perfect as he is and that does not mean after salvation we perfect…its a journey and we fall and He knows…and when we say sorry He hugs us and cheers us on in the walk…May we remember His love brothers and sisters…He knows the journey is tough and with knowledge we should not think that He can be decieved…He knows our heart and the difference between us beingbovercome and us submitted to our sin…We have the amour and May we take it up and wear it in this fight…He shall work in us and fight for us…BUT we must not faint…God help us sometimes it can be hard…BUT I wouldnt want to loose His presence, His covering and His companionship in my life…We all know that, that can be cold inside…May God give us strength…its important as @FrankCastle has indicated you must identify the why…because the why exists for everyone of us…and this applies for every sin its just that one is a secret sin and it seriously forces one to make a soul pledge…@Esther please dont give up, purpose to verbally kill the power…

  21. John

    This is a Christian forum, if you don’t agree with Christian beliefs, you have no business commenting at all. These people have made the decision that they don’t want it in their lives anymore, respect it.

  22. Amen

    I my name is amen… I just wanted to share my inner feelings and guilt which have been breaking me down:( I am a born again Christian… I have excepted Christ as my Lord and Saviour.. I always keep myself away from sexual temptation for all this years but now m unable to control myself I started masturbathing since 4 years back.. I always thought I would keep myself away from sexual relationships because I always wanted to follow God’s plans… But now everything suddenly changed I felt in love with a person who never loved me but I gave him all he physically wanted thinking that the person will always love me not only for my body but spirituals but it never happened and now m feeling very guilty about myself don’t know what to do… please help me

  23. Walter

    In this life I will never be entirely free of sin. We (all) struggle with something. Sex is just one of many things we have problems with. Paul said it effects the body like no other sin, was he speaking from experience? Who knows? What I do know is that all my sins from beginning to end are forgiven. My sins are not greater than Gods grace. No one who loves the Lord likes to sin. My guilty conscience proves that to me but I cant base my relationship with Him on whether or not He helps me overcome a particular sin in my life, He may or may not. Paul was given a thorn in his flesh to keep him humble. Nothing keeps me more humble than my struggles with my own personal sins. God gave himself for me in Jesus Christ to prove once and for all time His love for me. Do the best that you are (able) to do and leave the rest to Him, He knows your struggles and mine. If He said “Thou shalt not pick your nose”! I would be covertly picking my nose, watching online videos of people picking their nose and seeking to pick noses of woman I’m not married to, its just part of my old nature that still raises its ugly head from time to time. Jesus saved me but I still have the thoughts, feelings and memories of having once been fallen. Paul says that I have the mind of Christ the Messiah and do hold the thoughts feelings and purposes of His heart but its a process carried out over the entirety of my life. My prayers are with you all =)

  24. Bobbie Bentley

    Wow I thought I was the only one Desiring to be loved hugged and pleased at the same time but unfortunately I don’t have anyone either and I’ve been searching and looking and I’m about to just give up I was reading the other email from a young lady and she is right only men that do come after you as the ones that’s not Godly men and you don’t know how they are going to treat you and that scares The Living Daylights out of me I do not mess the bait nor do I fornicator commit adultery but I do have those desires but I play games on my phone try to watch a little TV and read the Bible to get it off my mind and then my day goes well and I sleep good at night but it still is that longing to have a mate but all I can say ladies don’t give up

  25. Mike

    I’m a Christian man in my early 30s. And I have been able to finally quit masturbation and porn. I am still a virgin, and have never been with a woman. Masturbation has been a very difficult struggle for almost 2 decades. But I have been free for several months months now. During my 20s I tried to quit many times but with almost no real effort. But in the last year with lots of prayer to Christ, and LOTS of of re-trying I was able to go longer and longer without masturbating. Don’t listen to worldly people of this world who burn in their fleshly desires with pride. And please, for anyone out there, don’t give up, pray to Christ so that the Holy Spirit may guide you through your struggle.

    With God, anything is possible. I pray for everyone that has commented thus far.

  26. MIRIAM KARANJA

    hi its good to be encouraged by others testimonies am a single mum 40yrs old and at this point in my life i guess am feeling very lonely and i have been convincing my self that i can make it alone ,but its clear no man is an island.after along time of being delivered form sexual sins ,i have found myself today fallen into musturbation am not happy i wish God would bring someone in my life for Adamic completion its true God created Eve for Adam and Adam for Eve so where is my ADAM? 🙂

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