Choosing the right kind of person for a relationship is kind of like choosing that perfect piece of fruit at the farm. I recently went apple picking, and I saw some friends going for the low-hanging fruit. Now that low-hanging fruit might look good, but you have to be careful. You’re going to have to pay for that fruit, right? And you don’t want to take it home, only to find it’s rotten inside with worms. This is exactly how it feels when we think we’ve picked a person we thought was a good choice, only to end up realizing they weren’t right for us.
The Importance of Picking the Right “Fruit”
Just like my Italian nanny would carefully pick and smell the fruit at the market to ensure she was getting the best, we need to be wise and intentional about picking our partners. She would sometimes even taste a grape to see if it was good. It’s a little weird, I know, but she had a method to her madness. And it worked – she made the best apple pie!
In relationships, many of us aren’t as wise or intentional. We might spend more time choosing an outfit for the day or deciding what college to attend than on selecting the right person to date. Without the right foundation, we end up making poor choices and experiencing heartache.
Wisdom in Choosing a Partner
One critical aspect of choosing the right partner is exercising wisdom. Proverbs 1:7 tells us, “The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and instruction.” Wisdom starts with reverence for God.
Here are some practical steps:
- Seek God’s Guidance: Pray and ask God for wisdom. James 1:5 encourages us, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
- Look for Godly Character: Assess whether the person reflects Christ-like qualities. Galatians 5:22-23 lists the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. These traits indicate someone who walks closely with God.
Intentionality in Dating
Intentionality is key in Christian dating. Dating with a purpose means having a clear vision and end goal. Amos 3:3 asks, “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?”
Here’s how to date with intentionality:
- Define the Relationship: Early on, discuss your goals and expectations. Are both of you seeking a long-term, committed relationship that could lead to marriage? Clear communication helps avoid misunderstandings and wasted time.
- Set Boundaries: Physical and emotional boundaries are essential to maintain purity and respect within the relationship. Discuss and agree on boundaries to ensure both parties feel respected and valued.
- Evaluate Compatibility: Consider compatibility beyond physical attraction. Discuss important topics such as faith, family, finances, and future goals. Understanding each other’s views can prevent future conflicts.
Practical Tips for a Healthy Relationship
Building a healthy, God-centered relationship requires effort and intentionality. Here are some tips:
- Community and Accountability: Surround yourself with a supportive community that can offer guidance and accountability. Proverbs 11:14 states, “For lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers.” Trusted friends and mentors can provide valuable perspectives.
- Patience and Timing: Trust in God’s timing. Ecclesiastes 3:1 reminds us, “There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens.” Be patient and trust that God will bring the right person into your life at the right time.
- Focus on Personal Growth: Use your singlehood as a time for personal and spiritual growth. Strengthen your relationship with God, pursue your passions, and develop into the person you aspire to be.
Avoiding Common Pitfalls
Many people fall into the trap of rushing into relationships or ignoring red flags due to loneliness or pressure. Here are some pitfalls to avoid:
- Ignoring Red Flags: Pay attention to any warning signs or inconsistencies in behavior. Don’t ignore issues hoping they will resolve on their own. Seek counsel if you’re uncertain.
- Recreational Dating: Avoid dating for the sake of dating. This can lead to emotional entanglements and distract you from finding a meaningful, godly relationship.
- Unequally Yoked Relationships: 2 Corinthians 6:14 warns, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers.” While it’s possible to influence someone positively, it’s crucial to prioritize spiritual alignment from the start.
Conclusion to Choosing the Right Kind of Person
Choosing the right person to date and marry is one of the most significant decisions you will make. By seeking God’s wisdom, being intentional in your approach, and surrounding yourself with a supportive community, you can navigate the dating journey with confidence and faith. Remember, the foundation of a successful relationship is built on mutual respect, shared values, and a deep connection with God. Trust in His plan for your life, and He will guide you to the person who complements your journey in faith and love.
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