Christian Singles Dating Unbelievers

Christian Singles Dating Unbelievers

dating unbelieversIf you are one of the many Christian singles dating unbelievers in a missionary dating sort of way,  save yourself additional troubles by getting out of the dating relationship as soon as possible.

At the very least, the vast majority of Christians who date unbelievers or unsaved singles experience loss of sexual purity, loss of fellowship with the Lord and other believers, and heartache.

Additionally, all throughout the Bible God warns us for our own protection not to partner (be unequally yoked) with unbelievers (ex.:2Cor 6:14). History is littered with the ruined lives of those who have failed to obey this command. If even Solomon, the wisest dude ever, screwed up in this area, why do Christians think they can love Jesus and maintain romantic relationships (dating, marriage) with unbelievers?

Because we were so interested in this topic, Christian Dating Service PLUS! did our own survey to find out why a Christian might consider dating an unbeliever or non-Christian.

Reasons Christians Give For Dating Unbelievers

“If I date them they may come to Christ.”

This old standby is known as Missionary Dating. The logic here is that the unbelieving single girl or single guy the Christian is dating may become saved through their witness. What fuels this popular rationalization is that in very rare instances, this actually does occur.

“My boyfriend (girlfriend) is more moral than other Christians I’ve dated.”

This sad commentary on the evangelical Christian church is in line with findings of Josh McDowell and George Barna that show there is no real difference in the sexual behaviour of Christians and unbelievers. For example, they find that 55% of Christian teens have sexual intercourse by the age of 18. We can only assume that this number rises as single Christians get older and have more opportunities.

“There are no available Christians in my church or area.”

We got this one a lot. Either all the good Christian men or women are taken, or the only available single ones are geeks or whackos. I’m sure you’ve met a few of these, right?

Christians Struggling With Dating Unbelievers

If you are a single Christian struggling with this issue, take courage! We are certainly not judging anyone because most of us have already been through it. Listen, the Lord deeply loves you, but wants you to make decisions that will make Him proud and prosper you at the same time. So think about and pray over the following points before making any dating decisions in this area.

God Keeps His Promises

That means He will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches. (Phil. 4:19, Psalms 37:4). Surrender to Him as you wait expectantly on Him. You will not be disappointed, but remember he makes things all beautiful in His time, not yours. Can you handle that?

Why Settle for Second Best?

Yes, there are some nice people out in the world who are more moral and cuter than some Christians you know. So what? The fact is there are multiple thousands of godly, attractive and passionate Christian singles waiting on God for the same thing you are. Got faith?

Remember What God Says

Don’t mean to be preachy, but I tend to conveniently avoid those parts of the Bible that go against what I am planning to do. So before going headfirst into a pile of crap, check out these verses carefully: 1 Cor. 15:33, 2 Cor 6:14-16.

Have You Exhausted All Your Resources?

Many singles in the church who feel there is no other alternative to dating an unbeliever, may have not looked at other options of where Christian singles meet other singles.

If you are a Christian single who has further insights on dating unbelievers, please consider helping other singles by sharing your experiences.

Related Posts:

Christian Singles Advice

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    • Mike

      I am a single Christian who struggles with the question of “all the good ones are taken” and desperate not to feel discouraged by that sentiment. Not to knock those who are “taken” but, if it were just about being “good” none of us could be “taken” much less saved. I too have struggled with sexual issues in my past before I got saved. I still struggle with it, but my perspective has transformed. It is a gift for my wife when not if I find her, or she finds me, or we find each other. So don’t let so-called moral high grounds discourage you either. We’re saved because we were all sinners; He died on the cross while we were yet sinners some of us “worse” than others, which makes our salvation all that much sweeter. Don’t let others pull you down or criticize you for it.

      • David Butler Author

        Dear Mike-

        Thanks for your thoughtful comments on the Christian single life. Let me encourage you by saying all the good ones are definitely not taken. I know that because we get thousands of Christian singles on this site every week praying for the same thing you are.

        And only need to “find” one of those good ones, and with the Lord on your side, it’s only a matter of time, my brother..
        God bless,


        • yvonnesam

          hi, actually now i struggle with this problem. i’ve date with a non christian guy for almost 2 years. for sure, i hope he can become christian one day. But unfortunately, after 2 years he follow me to church, he told me that he hardly can’t accept christian. So, now i don’t know what to do? Wonder to break up with him but i can’t do so, cause i still very love him.And so do him.
          and your words >>> Why Settle for Second Best? This remind me of what my church youth leader told me before. why choose the 2nd best but not the best?

          i still very confusing, as i’m a easily cry girl.. Almost everytime i cry when think of this problem.

          hope to hear from you soon.
          if possible, hope we can contact through e-mail. thanks

          God bless~

          love, yvonne from Malaysia

          • caroline

            I am 31 and have been praying unceasingly for God to provide a christian man to me. Recently I met a muslim man who seems to be everything I have ever prayed for except of cause he is muslim. should I establish a relationship with him or not. What would be the pitfalls of engaging in such a relationship.I just cant seem to find any christian guys around, I have waited, fasted prayed and with 32 peakin around the corner I’m just begining to lose faith in the whole waiting for the Lord game.

            • kit

              re: caroline
              follow your heart. it’s the 22nd century; if the man loves you as much as you love him, why not? good luck

              • Joanne

                For all yyou people who are crying over where it my mate. Remember God is God and that he will come through for you you have to wait on him and be obedient. When I say He is God I am saying He can do anything He can change a sinner. But you must pray, trust and do what He tell us to in His Word. Stop dating the sinner and start praying for God will and no ours to be done. If the sinners in your life never come back and get saved they just were not the one for you and God has something so much better for you. You will be glad you didn’t end up with the people you are in the relationship with now. Trust God and take Him at His word.

                • Rozetta

                  Hi, I am a strong believer in God and I could think of no other place to be than in the arms of God!! In regard to dating an unbeliever I just recently let someone go on the basis of my belief. It didn’t even last a month. I knew from the start that dating an unbeliever wouldn’t work but I persisted with it anyway. I let him know from the start how strongly I felt about God. He didn’t mind but I had a bad feeling every time we met up. Instead of feeling happy to see him I felt dreadful. I hated feeling like that and friends said “give it three months”, “just see if it will work”. I tried to but they weren’t the ones having to deal with dating an unbeliever. I hate to say it but I seen his flaws as soon as he opened his mouth. He tried to take my virginity, but I knew better than that! If I had come this far without “knowing a man” then I could go a little longer!! He got upset but I already knew it was time for him to go and me to move on. What a ride of my life!! We go through things to experience as well as learn, and I learned there is no rush in trying to find the right one when God is trying to shape me and mold me into the woman he wants me to be. I am still pure and whole and waiting on that one man who will bring joy to my life. I am being very careful about the men that try to approach me!!!! Beware dating an unbeliever!!!

                  • David Butler Author

                    Thanks for your comments. We are praying for you. dating an unbeliever rarely works out because “missionary dating” rarely works. Fact. Kit: That’s risky and wrong advice in my book, but I do understand Caroline’s situation. Thanks for your comments.

                    • Diego

                      Hey guys,
                      I just broke up with my unbeliever fiance, yup, I was about to get married, but the first day at counseling the issue came up, I felt really bad because I love her so much,
                      but my love for God is stronger, even though i did wrong, i end up living with her for a while. got involve sexually we broke up couple of times and this time it was because of faith i felt I was being to strong with her
                      I pray for strength specially because we work together

                      • João Manuel Teixeira Júnior

                        Desejo manter correspondencia Biblica o que devo fazer? agradeço ajuda de vossa parte

                        • Chris

                          In regard to dating unbelievers: Hey, my best friend, who is a girl, has been dating an unbeliever for almost a year now. I have always felt uneasy about it but have never truly voiced it. About 3 or 4 months after they started dating, she suddenly felt that God was telling her to leave him because he is not a Christian, and this was tearing her up, but then she suddenly had an “It’s what God wants” attitude and continued to see him. Do you think God would be selective like this? Like he would say “It’s ok for this person, but not for this person,” type of thing??? I am a guy and I used to have VERY strong feelings for her and she knows it, so I have always felt that if I brought it up, she would think I am just being selfish, and I even question myself if I am just being selfish and still want to be with her. Is it even my place to bring it up? I just want the best for her and fear for her giving into sin, and don’t want her to miss God’s plan for her life.

                          Any advice would be great.

                          Thank you so much! God bless!

                          • Chris

                            Hey, this is Chris from the last post with an update. Well, I had been praying A LOT about my Christian best friend dating an unbeliever, and it turns out, she just broke up with him! She said she knew it wasn’t God’s plan for her to be unevenly yoked to an unbeliever.

                            That’s it
                            Take care

                            • Grace

                              I’m attracted to a non christian guy, who keeps on asking me out. We connect in so many levels – intellectually and emotionally. I think he might be the one for me. I’m thinking that God is working on his heart right now, and someday we will cross paths again. FOr now I have to settle for being friends (because he doesn’t know God), but once the timing is right, and God gives me the Go signal, then the rest is history.

                              • Simon

                                You have to be weary. When people are in love or want somebody we can trick ourselves in to believing they are saved when there is no fruit. Ah! But we convince ourselves that the maggot ridden apples are good fruit – they are not. Be not deceived.

                                If we are seeking a relationship or are in a relationship with an unbeliever they often “get saved” just to stay with us. there motive for “coming to Christ” is not pure and is at its core selfish. The only answer is to get out of that relationship and flee from it.
                                Often we mistake God’s will for our will because it is convenient. Be not deceived.

                                Pray for that person but firstly you must break up with that person. Otherwise you fall under the worst sin of all – hypocrisy.

                                Its hard but God will heal your broken heart.

                                • Lisa Leonard

                                  In regard to dating an unbeliever: I want tolet you all know that i got saved 10 years ago aged 17, but had been sexually active b4 that due to bein a young insecure sinner, anyway i met the ‘man of my dreams’ at aged 21, i believed he would be saved, but instead i ended up backsliding, 6 years later (last year) he finished with me, wow, completely broken hearted, but i always knew that we had no real spiritual connection, as he was dead to Christ, and i was dead to sin etc, i humbled myself, repented went back to church, and God forgave me, even blessed me by making me choir leader, blessed me in my uni studies with a first class honours, wow, God is so loving, i beg, pleease do not be foolish and think that they will be saved, ‘be not unequally yoked’ ‘darkness and light have no fellowship 2gether’. I pray for my ex now, and after a lot of sacrifice and tears, i am believing that Jehovah Jirah my provider, will work it all together for my own Good, i am on fire 4 Him again AMEN, its only a matter of time b4 im walking up the aisle to be joined together to a strong devil chasing, prayer warrior mighty man of valor, handsome, ha, amen all things are possible to him who believes, God is mighty and it is not good for a man to be alone, he designed eve for adam, and he will make a ay for me and you also..GOD BLESS!

                                  • aaron

                                    second best? who is to say just because they are christian they will further your faith or make you happy. you could be weary because its good to share common interests, but to leave somebody purely on the reason that they share different spirtial beliefs to you is absurd. Jesus spent most of his time being around sinners. God may have placed your bf in your life to strength your faith. or like so many stories ive heard, to witness to them and their friends. if you are in a happy loving relationship with a non christians, if it works, then stay with them.

                                    • Lisa Leonard

                                      Born again Christians John3:3 says we are are born of God, so how can a child of God even think about dating any body that is not born again. Not only that God said in His holy word, 2 Corinthians 6:14, “BE NOT UNEQUALLY YOKED WITH UNBELIEVERS: 4 WHAT FELLOWSHIP DOES RIGHTEOUSNESS & INIQUITY? OR WHAT COMMUNION HATH LIGHT WITH DARKNESS” Don’t take this scripture out of context, it simply means “yoked with a DIFFERENT yoke” It not only is true spiritually, but even in regards to our future.

                                      • Wandering Around In the Desert

                                        This is the first place that I have been to that does not make me feel worse than I already do…so I will pour out everything here. Six months ago, I met a guy who was not a christian. I fell for him the first day I met him. He didn’t have to do much to get me, Just ask me out on a couple of dates. Before you know it we were boyfriend and girlfriend and were sleeping together. Almost as bad as not being a christian, he treated me awful. Now it has been about six months. I was writing in my Journal all along about what a bad idea this was, but i kept ahead with it. Now I am in love with him, but at the same time, know that it can’t work. I just recently stopped talking to him about 80 hours ago. I broke up with a christian before this non-saved guy who was just not on the same page with me, and was really upset about it and depressed. I had been celibate 5.5 years and was doing good presumably. I lost everything so quickly. I was (am?) trying everything to make it work. I don’t know why. It is as if something has taken over me. I went from being this confident leader in so many aspects in my church to this lump of a person who can barely see what God has for her anymore. I am about to start school and was blessed to have a full ride, but I am so mad that I don’t have/ can’t find a good mate for me. One who is a Christian, and who has it together. I am in my late twenties, and even though that is not old…I want to be married. I know that I can be alone, but I am so tired of being alone. I was not unhappy single, I just don’t want to be. I feel like God is playing some sort of trick on me. I am thankfully not too heart broken, but I am sad that I am craving this man, and not craving the Lord like I used to. I am so afraid of going to hell, that I am inching my way back…I just don’t want to fall again…it hurts badly and it is very scary. I don’t know what to do to stop the cycle. I am too afraid to talk to my friends from church, or even my pastor that I am close to and definitely not my mom or dad. I know it is a trick of the enemy but I am still scared. I am depressed, I cry all the time, I have thoughts about suicide a lot, and this was even before the sexual relationship– they have just intensified since then. Please help me. I don’t want to feel like this anymore…I want to be happy again. And I also want to get married soon, so that I can stop feeling like a big sinner. This is an area of pure defeat for me. I feel like I can control everything else, but not this. Every time I give it to the Lord, even after years, it comes back to haunt me. It is depressing me. I am not free. Please help.

                                        • CadyB

                                          Dear Wandering,

                                          Wow, there is so much I want to say to you. First of all, I identify with so much that you have said. It appears that God is doing the same work in many of His children. I also feel honored that you would trust us where you would not trust others, so I want to be faithful with that and not disappoint you. I hope it makes you feel better to know that others have been there, and are going through the same thing. And I want to find a way to comunicate with you directly because I do have so much to say. As I’ve stated in a previous response, I will have an email address on here soon.

                                          One thing I see that you’re doing that is incredibly right is you’re journalling. Make sure you give yourself a pat on the back for this! In this way (journalling) you are owning the situation, and processing through it, and also validating yourself. Whatever is happening in your life good or bad, you know that you are worth enough to put it all on paper. You’re also a good writer! Maybe all the journalling is the reason why. Like me, this could make you a professional writer one day! It will also get you through college a lot easier than others, so good for you!

                                          The rest of what you wrote is difficult to address. Perhaps the answers for you are different than for me. We older single ladies wonder, why can’t we have the one thing we desire? That thing we were made for? Is God playing tricks, does He really love me? Then why won’t He give me a good man to love me? He said He would give us the desires of or heart, when! Why not now! Again Wandering, there are no easy answers. But I think you’re doing the right thing, you’re bringing it to God. You’re processing through your emotions. I know you will find peace and comfort here. Above everything else you will find your relationship with God is better than anything else in the world.

                                          Let me make a suggestion that may really help you. Do you know any married people? Have you ever seen them fight? Worry about bills, or have concerns about their kids? Have you heard them say they were depressed or suicidal? I have seen all of the above. Are you aware of what God may be saving you from? Maybe you think like me, sometimes you would give everything you have just for a fight with your spouse. But I think you and I will have that soon enough. In the mean time, I believe the closer you get to God, the less important marriage will be to you, and you will be able to focus on all the important things in your life right now, like school, and Christian service, and other things which you may not have mentioned here.

                                          We single ladies think marriage is really important, among other things, because our culture idolizes it. As believers we have more wisdom. Sex and marriage are not everything. We just have to make sure we are not acting like the world. (II Cor. 6:17). Remember Wandering, we have been redeemed from this. For the world sex may be the best thing they have. We have a greater hope! You have a greater future than to be united with a man who treats you bad. And because of your faith thankfully, you were able to get out of that painful relationship, where you were less (for just a moment) than God sees you as. Praise God!

                                          There are a lot of ladies going through the same things that you are, including myself. Please stay in touch. I really appreciate you. And I affirm how valuable you are to God and His kingdom. And those suicide thoughts, that’s just the world being broken off of you. Let God come in and give you new life as it passes away. If the thoughts are serious PLEASE get help. But many of us in the kingdom, married and single have times that we feel life is too hard to live. You are not alone. I know you will come out of this victorious, if you have not already.

                                          May I recommend you read through all of II Corinthians? I will read through it with you. I know you will be so blessed, and I will too. Anyone reading this post, please feel free to join us.

                                          Again thank you so much for trusting us with your heart,
                                          Much love in Christ,

                                          • irene

                                            I know actually what you are going through. I’m so tried of crying and being depressed. I’m 29 years old and I have never had a boyfriend. It seems that every guy i meet is only interested in one thing ( mostly unbelievers). It’s really hard to meet saved men my age. They are mostly married by my age. It seems the closer I inch towards thirty , my desire to be a wife and a mother is getting glimpser by the moment. The last guy i was involved with ( who claimed to be saved) only wanted to use me for sex and unfortunently i gave in ,but to only get hurt AGAIN. His ex -girlfriend moved in with him and he pretty much dumped me. The bad part is I found out I was pregnant when i had a miscarriage ( i didn’t even know i was pregnant). Of course , he didn’t believe me. Right now I’m on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds . I ‘ve even been hospitalized for depression. Right now I am tried and I’m now starting to believe that their no one out their for me because I’m so messed up in the head . Most importantly, I don’t trust God in this area of my life anymore. I feel completely hopeless.

                                            • Lou

                                              I’m wondering what is felt about two parents trying to make a relationship work. Unmarried, have a child and one parent recently became saved. They dated less than a year, got pregnant and have been on and off for several years now. They are discussing the possibility of reuniting but I fear that now that one is a believer and one is not that it would be extremely difficult. However, they feel they need to marry to ‘fix’ the problems they have had over the years. It’s difficult to know what to do when a child is involved.. should it be handled the same or different as a couple dating who have no children together?

                                              Thank You.. Lou

                                              • Francis J.

                                                Hello everyone. I just wanted to leave a word of encouragement to those who find it hard wainting for the right person from God. I am 34 and single, I have seen Him work mightily in other areas of my life and simply know that somehow, some day, he will provide.

                                                I was once engaged to a girl who had some aspect of her character that were not compatible with a Christian lifestyle. I was aware of it but secretely wished that she would somehow change. I managed to convince myself that God has a plan for that, but I eventually came to face the truth and had to break up, leaving a lot of scars on both sides. I later realised that it is not honest to claim to love someone when you secretely wish them to change.

                                                If we’re not comfortable with someone’s faith, then maybe we shouldn’t start dating them in the first place or see them as a possible recipient of our love. I know it is a tough decision to make because most of us want to have someone on our side to share things with.

                                                If, as Kit is suggesting, we think it’s okay that they are not Christian, then maybe we seriously need to work on our own fruits of the Spirit. We don’t have to observe 2 Cor 6:14 because it will grant or maintain our salvation. We already received salvation by grace (Eph 2:8), but we must show ourselves worthy of it and demonstrate the fruit of salvation (James 2:17-18).

                                                Waiting upon God is a fruit of the Spirit. They say “the choices we make determine the people we become”. Who do you want to become?

                                                • Grace

                                                  some christians have married unbelievers and they have gotten saved true some after a time of hardship and suffering but they got saved. I have a close friend who was a very committed christian she was looking for a partner inthe christian community although she is pretty and a nice person. the guys wouldnt even look her way becuse women are supposedly jezebel. but outside the church they are sleeping with unsaved girls. After pain and suffering in the church she met the nicest guy ever true they did sleep together but are now happily married and he comes to church as well. he takes care of her well. now if she had remained looking for a partner in church she would have still been single and alone. I know bcuz i’m in the same boat. I have had many opportunities to date non christians and have stayed committed this has got me nowwhere. I am 33 and if a meet a guy i like i will date him regardless of faith. Besides theres no difference in the behaviour of christians and non christians many beat their wives or have affairs.

                                                  • Monica

                                                    My name is monica and 20 years old and engaged. I was in storm for a while with my partner. We were fighting and arguing. Beacuse I was putting him first and not god, which was wrong. Things were really bad and i was feeling unloved and not cared for. I was getting bads thoughts in my head, I thought he was cheating on me and getting supions. It was getting too much. One of my christains friends help me to get right with god again. Now I put god first and then him things are looking up. I feel I don’t get as much thoughts now. I’m stonger with god then i ever been now i know i’m loved by god, because other humans will let you down but god won’t. I’m helping him who is god, but it’s quite had sometime because his got a stubborn spirit, he wants to know god then his dosn’t. I don’t what to do, I don’t he really love or just lusting. I need some advice. Thank you.

                                                    • Julie

                                                      P.S. Monica…as for knowing whether it’s love or lusting…how will you ever know unless you know that your man is willing to give his life to Christ? To live for him and not for self!

                                                      • chrissy

                                                        Hello all singles,
                                                        Well I am 31 years old and a believer who has been through the hurdles. I do ask myself the question why am I so desparate to get too intimate and sometimes I am eager to start or give unsave men a chance in my life. However the Devil doesn’t care who we are and endeavour to destroy us but I thank God for persons who encourage me along the way. It is always imperative to share these issues with someone who can provide spiritual guidance through Christ to help lead us back on track. God doesn’t want us to go back to the beggarly elements for we are bought with a price and our temple belong to the holy ghost. Therefore in all fairness may the Lord help us to wait because his best is yet to come. I remember when i stepped out of God’s will for the sake of having a boyfriend who was not a christian oh i feel like i didn’t want to loose him and sexual encounter was done but eventually I had to cut loose because it throw me offguard and I was totally devasted but to God be the glory who helped me to recover. Although I feel as if I am struggling with the flesh I know that God’s grace is sufficent to keep me. Singles let us save yourselves from unnecessary pain which come from impatience and desparation to get intimate. Stand firm. May God ever keep us holy until He is ready to disclose our mate or bless us otherwise.

                                                        • Tesia Edwards

                                                          Hey everyone.
                                                          I am 18 years of age and i have recieved the gift of salvation god has certainly worked wonders in my life. I have had to push so many bad influences out of my life. there was so many friends that i had to push away. a true friend was always hard to come by, for me. i didnt know how to part the ones i had and the ones i wanted. But i did so i gave that problem up to god and he helped me through it to me friendship is gods gift of having good faith for he has a gift for each person touched. giving and giving is a rare friendship. But i have recently became hurt in a situation and i dont know how to react that well to it. everyone i know now these days gets lonely well i do, i started talking to this guy and this guy was a saved guy that professed his faith, i really started to like this guy but he says he likes me as a friend “right now” that it could be possibe on down the road but for me not to focus on what could be and focus on what is in the moment. I was fine with it until he started to date and spend his time with a unbeliever its not forbidden but god says we give guidance to them but not date them. how could he do that?? i dont understand how he can do that, how he can tell me he is not ready for a relationship but yet do that? If he just started giving his life with the lord. how could he do that? How could he do that to me? I need guidance because i dont understand!!

                                                          • Ashley Grenier

                                                            RE: Rozetta

                                                            Not all nonbelievers will try to take your virginity away.
                                                            I am a virgin and girl i gotta say you seem like you ride your horse a little tooo high. YOu need to calm down there. You are no better than the unbeliever. God will look at you no different if you keep feeling as if you are better than them. If a man respects you it doesnt matter whether he believes or not.

                                                            • James

                                                              Some of the account I’ve seen on here make me come to the conclusion that many singles will be single all their lives being alone, because those that they seek in the church have selfish desires like money, sex and that they want it ALL. there are too many of these fake people! No wonder there are more divorces and less marriages, cohabiting couples, singles parents and so on. This nation and the world will have more single people who will all die alone

                                                              • Jess

                                                                This is a really random thing to do, but I am a non-christian girl in a relationship with a christian boy that is starting to struggle with my lack of faith. I came to this place looking for some insight, and am a little upset with the lack of tolerance for, and the way non-christian people are referred too. I dont want to corrupt anyone, I dont want to interfere with anyones commitment to God, im just in love. We are in love. I dont feel mature enough to commit to a belief system at this point in my life. But i dont want to lose him, he has inspired me to change, to look at my life differently, to be better. Im struggling for an answer.

                                                                • Ruiva

                                                                  Dear Jess,
                                                                  I wouldn’t normally do this, but I find myself in a similar situation here. I wouldn’t necessarily call myself Non-Christian, but I sure know that’s how Christians see me. I believe in God but not in all the ceremonies and superficial traditions of any given church(of course I haven’t been to all churches, this is just a generalization).
                                                                  I’m finding myself possibly in love with a Christian guy and I’ve been thinking a lot for the last two weeks or so. I ask myself should I give in and go along with his beliefs and turn to Christianity? Or maybe I should try and explain him my views and see if he likes me enough to try and make this work as it is. I have many Christian friends and so far we have had no disagreements when it comes to relationships, they all see my point and even though they disagree nobody’s tried to change my mind. I find it interesting that people online seem much less open to Non-Christians than in real life. And also the word “unbeliever” seems a bit insulting since I’m very sure I do believe. It’s just that I’m disappointed in religion, God still remains great, grand and wonderful for me. I might believe in my heart more than I believe in the average pastor/minister or whatever you want to call them.
                                                                  I think you should just talk this through with your guy and see if you can reach a compromise. If you plan on staying with him you have to know there will be many more compromises and that’s what relationships are. Just ask yourself if you really love him, and then figure out how fare are you ready to go in a compromise. It doesn’t have to be difficult, all you two need is to talk this through and set boundaries, and maybe create a rule list. For you to respect his beliefs and for him to understand what you two have and what it means to him.

                                                                  • Pal

                                                                    Hello Jess,

                                                                    You’ve have a huge choice in front of you if you want to keep him. He will get more distant the longer you are together if you do not at. Yes, you’ll have to FIND your beliefs and ask him to help you find what YOU believe in. If they are compatible then you have a chance at a future. There is no such age where you need a “belief system”…You are always living what you believe even if you can’t verbalize it. If you want to keep him , you’d better find out what the heck you believe in and learn to communicate that to him.

                                                                    If you don’t, you won’t keep him. That is a fact in the long run. Don’t be put off by people’s insensitive wording, take the chicken if you will…

                                                                    These are not relative “belief systems” to anyone who lives in them…they are fact…as much as gravity is fact to the science-only types.

                                                                    • lydibaby

                                                                      hi i’m at a point in my life where i believe that i am in love with an unbeliever. its almost nine months since i’ve been seeing him and i haven’t seriously commited to him just yet (well at least not officialy) because i would love to commit to him but i know that according to the bible which i totally believe in speaks against it.
                                                                      i’ve tried on several occasions to end it but the only reason that i want to and have to is because of my beliefs. he respects me, i’m still pure and he respects that i am waiting until marriage. sad thing is we work together and its strenuous to stay separated when i call it off. i don’t function in church the way i used to because i feel guilty for breaking the unequally yoked rule. any advice or help is truely appreciated. if there is someone out there who has been in a similar situation please share!!!

                                                                      • Jessie

                                                                        hi lydi,

                                                                        yes, i’ve been in the same experience when i fell in love w/a great man and he mutually was in love w/me as well. … but he wasn’t christian. in the beginning i made it clear to him that i would “casually date” non-christians but would never be exclusive w/a non-believer b/c that wouldn’t support my faith. i thought by stating that i’d be able to guard my heart, but i could not. basically we weren’t technically boyfriend & girlfriend, but in every way we were, waves of tension and anger about the situation would visit both of us. it caused us much anguish. i battled w/christian mentors about what that part of the bible really did mean- …”do not be yoked w/unbelievers”. my wise mentors knew that to leave it had to be MY choice and that i had to seek God myself and let the Holy Spirit guide my heart and mind. spiritually it was very clear to me and i felt to continue would not be in gods will for me. it was very very painful and still hurts when i think about it. but my choice, to choose god’s guiding, has really brought me closer to god and i do not doubt my choice b/c rather than taking someone elses answer i personally sought god out myself and have been given true counsel from Him. this is more concrete and was needed in order for me to face the pain of my heart. also, if you are a christian and have a relationship w/god, it is most likely that you would resent the unbeliever in the relationship b/c he is not your spiritual “leader” in the house and cannot share in the MOST critical relationship, the most satisfying and life-giving relationship. and there would be alot more tension accumulating with not honoring gods commandments- love the lord your god w/all your heart, mind, soul. i know it’s hard but the longer you wait, the harder it will be. seek god and ask him to speak to your heart and mind regarding the issue. that way it will be undeniable to you. god bless you and may his strength sustain you. your sister in Christ,

                                                                        • Anonymous

                                                                          As a non-Christian. I would like to say I am rather offended by some of presumptions written above.
                                                                          I am attracted to a Christian girl I know and fully respect all her decisions and lifestyle options. I lead my life to be as morally pure as possible, as this is what I feel to be the most important thing in life.

                                                                          • bozo

                                                                            Hey, I need help!!! I’m in a relationship with an Agnostic. We have been together for 4 months. Prior to that I just ended a 2 1/2 year relationship with someone in September. Because of that breakup, I found myself back on track with my faith and loving God more than ever. He has blessed me in so many ways with that breakup. Anyway, the guy I’m dating now, was a very close friend of mine, and we were on our college newspaper together in Fall 2007-Fall 2008 while I was still with my other ex. I made it clear many times that I would only date believers but he still persisted, like on Valentines Day, he left a teddy bear and a bag of Hot Cheetos (my fave. junk food) on my door, and I called and asked if it was him, and he told me to go outside and he was there playing a song for me on his guitar, and that’s how the relationship began. I went in that relationship thinking maybe he can come to Christ someday but he would tell me that he doesn’t think he could. Then a few weeks ago when the California Supreme Court rejected gay marriage, he was super-pissed and we were on the phone talking about it then started talking about religion, and he told me that he could never EVER believe in God or become a Christian, and that if he would ever go back to a religion, it would be Catholicism, which he grew up with. It really upset me and made me cry, because it tears me apart that he is not willing to have a relationship with JESUS, the BEST thing that happened to us humans, and God and Jesus are SOOOOO important to me, and I want to share that with someone, and it kills me inside that I can’t share that with him. He grew up in a devoutly Catholic family, went to church and did all those traditions, but as a teen started experimenting with all these other religions. He was at one point a Christian and believed in God, but never really felt His presence so strayed away because he never really believed. Then he became a hardcore Atheist, and it was only recently he became Agnostic. He says that one of the biggest reasons he stopped believing is because of prejudice against homosexuals in the church and anyone who isn’t a Christian (which is true a lot of times, but true followers of God will love and not prejudice). He also doesn’t want to view the world in one way, and thinks Christianity will limit him to that. He is very respectful of different beliefs though, even more so than other Christians, which I love about him. However, he says that if faith makes you a better person, great, but it’s not for him or everyone. And he thinks love is the only thing that matters in a romantic relationship (but God IS love!) Since then, I’ve been so conflicted. The longer I stay, the more and harder the Holy Spirit pushes me to break up with him because I’m seriously falling away from God. I really want out because I was so much happier single and I was on fire for the Lord. Now I still go to church, college group, small group, but I’m now always so hesitant because of the hints being dropped to me that I need to call it off. But I have so many fears in my head. I’m afraid of deeply hurting him, especially because he is kinda emo with low self-esteem and has never had a girlfriend before, and he will hate God even more . We also have so much fun and good times together, and we talk and connect in so many ways, but the fact he doesn’t have Jesus kills me and puts a thick wall between us. Also, he is actually more selfless and sacrificial than most Christians, and has done so much for me… we drove all the way from Sacramento where we live to SF to see my best friend and we dropped her off 30 minutes away from SF, and he did ALL of the driving. He got us tickets to see All American Rejects, one of my fave. bands, when I found out they were coming to Sacramento and wanted to go. He treats me soooo well. He will do anything for me even if I don’t expect or want him to. I’m also afraid that my friends, his friends and family, will be angry at me, especially his best friend who is a Christian, but she tells me how I’m sooo lucky to have a loving, caring guy like him, and that she would date him if she was straight. I don’t know, I’m just so confused, conflicted, depressed about it lately…I’ve told 2 of my best friends and a few people at my small group but I feel like I’m all alone, no one to turn to in this situation…and I feel super selfish and that I’m treating him like shit and disposable because of it, but that is not the case… I care about him but I don’t know that this can go any longer… I still wanna be friends but I worry that he won’t want to…

                                                                            • Neil

                                                                              It’s such a hard decision whether to date a non christian or not. Everyone on this blog has different opinions, depending on how much they’re in love or heartbroken or lonely etc. Especially when you desire a loving relationship.
                                                                              I resisted going out with a female friend of mine for 2 years (I’m christian, she’s not) but ended up dating and sleeping with her. We fell in love. It lasted 6 months then we broke up & it broke both our hearts. Thankfully, we are still friends.
                                                                              I ended up sleeping with an old friend of mine to try and heal the heartbreak. Stupid. Meanwhile, she hooked up with another guy for the same reason. It lasted a month.
                                                                              We didn’t have any contact for about 6 weeks until she asked me to look after her daughter for an hour or so. We had missed each other so much and ended up sleeping together again. Stupid again!
                                                                              Anyway, the feelings of heartbreak came flooding back. We love each other but aren’t willing to commit to each other, for a variety of reasons.
                                                                              She does drugs and drinks heavily, part of the reason I don’t want to commit fully to her. I wonder what I was doing dating her. Am I crazy? I feel like an idiot compromising my faith for the sake of falling in love with what I now believe was the wrong woman. I struggled with my faith/obedience to God while in this relationship and feel God has said to let her go to save my faith.
                                                                              I’m 47 years old, she’s 37. I just wanted to let people know that love problems strike no matter how young/old people are.
                                                                              Now I’m living day by day and letting the Lord heal my heart. I pray for her, her mum & her daughter that the Lord will call them to salvation. We will always be friends and I do hope that she will change one day. What a lesson, you’re never too old to learn something new.
                                                                              I won’t give up on love, I’m trying to walk closer to the Lord. He knows the desires of our hearts. Amen to that.

                                                                              • sue

                                                                                i have just split with my fiance who i was with for coming up to a year. i first meet him when i got a new job and he was and still is on the same team, so we hooked up and i made it clear i cant be with a non~believer and that one day i wanted to marry and have kids (he has two sons from previous relationship). so anyway he came to church and it was all going brill, really thought i had found “the one”, he would join in at church etc and stop going out drinking and stuff and had never been so happy in the whole of his life (hes 30) he said that and his family and friend said the same. we did get intimate and i did start to fall away from God and alway have on my mind that i would go to hell but i knew we were getting married and it would all turn out ok, pushing everything to the back of my mind. we got engaged booked everything i even got my dress for next year, then all of a sudend he just got down finished it with me for a day we got back together. he also started crying when i was talking about jesus and what hhe did for us. he then still went to church but started going out again with his mate, which i have never stopped him doing. well he split again with me a month later for about a month this time.he stopped going church with me, at which point i was falling from God only had him on my mind all the time and that i needed to have sex with him to keep him, be more worldy. we got back together again and deep down i knew it was wrong then he split again yesterday as he dont love me, dont want kids and he dont believe. i now feel a fool to everyone. i love this person more then anyone, he was my best friend as well as my lover, but i feel God took him from me for a reason, and i need to put \god at the centre now and learn from what happened, one day he may come to know the lord. I feel so lonely now and all i want to do is to settle down and have a family to card for. with his kids i feel i lost a family as well as just him. i know it gonna be tough but i will find strength,

                                                                                if any body can help me out
                                                                                please post



                                                                                • Angelica

                                                                                  Wow…. well when you are “dating” you don’t know ANYTHING about the other person and 9 times out of 10 (if you are in FACT a christian) and you tell that person your beliefs…. THAT IS missionary dating and that is what GOD and Christ told you to do. Don’t deny the fact that you’re a christian. If they bolt, then great. If they want to know more, then great. If they want to keep seeing you and they want to learn more about your faith, then what the harm are you doing? NOTHING! My experience is…. and I have been single for a VERY long time is that almost EVERY date for me is a missionary date. I tell them off the bat my beliefs. I let the holy spirit GUIDE the evening and even if NOTHING comes of it. YOU planted the seed. Christ is VERY appealing I have found. Christ in you is more powerful than any of the “easy” girls or guys that your date will EVER encounter. You should enjoy being single. ENJOY the missionary dating scene. It’s fun. It’s encouraging. You’re sharing your faith. And heck, us girls can get a possibly free dinner out of it 😉 wink Oh and by the way… nobody is perfect… not even christians. We all know that. Unbelievers like to point the finger and call us hypocrites if they know of any of our trespasses. You are just going to have to deal with that. But, God will use our mistakes to His advantage. Believe that. God makes a way. Let Him use you in your life. Every time you meet someone, say… God please use me. They’re expecting a date…. YOU are on a mission!!!

                                                                                  • cdj

                                                                                    I have just recently experienced a similar situation with an unbeliever who I shared a mutual attraction with. Because of the strong EMOTIONS & FEELINGS we shared for each other almost instanteously and his willingess to attend church, even get baptized, I mistook the relationship to be from the Lord. After dating for several months even with his being consistent in church attendance I never saw a genuine interest in the Word of God or the things of God, just church attendance. The lesson I have learned in this situation is IF IT DOES NOT LINE UP WITH THE WORD OF GOD, it’s not God, no matter how strong the emotions. We may not always understand the tryings of our faith or the things that we feel or why we feel them, but we can be assured that God does not contradict his word. Feelings change, but the word of God does not. If he says “be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers”, you best believe it’s in your best interest to obey & not question. If we always have to have all our questions answered before we will trust & obey God, we can be certain that unnecessary heartache & pain will be our experience. Save yourself a broken heart & take God at his word; understanding he’s not trying to withhold anything from us. He really does know what’s best. In the end you will see that!

                                                                                    • Emma

                                                                                      I’ve been going out with my boyfriend for nearly three months now. When I first met up with him, and we realised we liked each other, I was incredibly unsure about it and told him I’d sworn never to date a non-Christian. Disregarding these feelings however, I am now in a relationship. While he has high morals, more than some Christian guys I know, and says that he will never push me in anyway or tell me to give up my beliefs, I now feel like I’ve betrayed God. In the pat few days, I had been trying to determine what I was allowed to do physically according to the Lord in my relationship- he (my bf) said he didn’t mind what- it was all up to me. I found all this information on ‘being unevenly yoked’ and now feel like I’ve decieved myself. I’ve been talking to my bf for the past two days about it, and it is causing me such heart ache and pain. He doesn’t believe in God, and says that when God does show up he’ll pay 110% attention, but until then he has better things to do. The fact is, he and God are the most special things in my life at the moment and to think that they are both so seperate is causing many tears on my part, and little understanding on his. He keeps telling me to stop stressing, and how much he loves me, and how he wants a steady relationship with me but he can’t gurantee that until i ‘sort the religious side out’. I want to be friends with him still and don’t want him to hate me, and I still have massive feelings for him. I can’t bring myself to admit to him that I’m thinking of ending it. I don’t know how to end it and still remain friends and that is causing me massive pain. I know what I’m meant to do. I just don’t know how to do it without making us both incredibly depressed.

                                                                                      • Karin Read

                                                                                        I just got done dating a catholic. He believed in the Trinity, etc. but when I asked him if he was going to heaven, he said, “I’m a good person.” Over the course of the 4 months we dated, sarcasm came up. I started the relationship telling him I did not believe in sex before marriage or in dating an unbeliever, but he said he believed. We started to slip towards sex, and I told him we needed to slow down. And there were actually many times that he was the one who stopped things because he didn’t want me to feel guilty. But the sarcasm kept coming up. Three times, almost once a month. And each time I told him he was mocking me. And it hurt real bad, because Jesus is my life, he’s helped me so much. How do you explain that to an unbeliever, how can they share that joy with you? They can’t. He said he was sorry for being cynical, but he couldn’t mock if he believed. I would always wonder if he was just going to church for me, and how would he raise our kids. He wouldn’t look forward to going to Bible studies with me! But I was hoping he’d be saved. Well, we broke up. He ain’t going to church anymore. He ain’t changed. But it showed me WHY God doesn’t want us to date them. They are a curse to us, and we are a curse to them, straight up! Now that it’s over, I can see how I became more concerned about him getting saved and all the while I lost my joyful contact with God. Oh, I knew His will was NOT for me to be unequally yoked, but I was hoping God would change him for me, because God knew how much I wanted it. I didn’t break it off, because I felt foolish knowing the other person wouldn’t understand. But I had to go through this to understand why God says what He says. Hope this helps someone.

                                                                                        • lana


                                                                                          Just want to share… My current bf used to be a non-believer. We were together for 6 mnths then we broke up because of our different beliefs. Somehow, God touched his heart and he now trusts the Lord and has become a christian. He converted because he truely believes God and God has been quite real in his life…

                                                                                          I guess my relationship is one of the “rare” success case? I just wish to encourage u guys to pray for ur other half..that God will touch his or her heart.

                                                                                          However, now, we are still facing some problems… He is struggling to curb his sexual needs because I don’t wish to do it before marriage. It’s so tiring, one problem after another.

                                                                                          • Cj

                                                                                            I started liking this girl thats an athiest, she doesnt understand why i told her we couldnt be together. Ive tried to explain it to her but its just not working. She says that i should be with someone who makes me happy, which she does. Ah so much. I dont know how i can explain to her why i cant be with her. I need help and guidence..because i feel like im getting angry at God because its so unfair, and it hurts so much. I am extremely discouraged and frustrated. I know im not supposed to date an unbeliever, but i want to know why..because i dont fully understand why christians can not? I mean i know its not a good idea and there could be some major conflicts, but i am looking for a straight reason to why God doesnt want believers dating unbelievers?


                                                                                            • Jodi

                                                                                              Dear Lana,

                                                                                              You are absolutely right. We can never give up or stop praying for our non beleiver family, friends, or signigicant others. Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice while we were still sinners. Prayer is one of the most powerful tools we have.

                                                                                              I can understand the difficulties you are having with your bf sexually. This is a major change in lifestyle to what he has always known. Encourage him that the reward will be great, in your relationship and more importantly in his personal relationship with God.

                                                                                              Pray that he keeps his eyes on Him, and his heart will remain pure.

                                                                                              God Bless,


                                                                                              • Daniel

                                                                                                Every Christian woman I have dated has forced me to have sexual relations with her. I’m afraid I have turned my back on God. Also they have all cheated on me or have cheated on their boyfriends with me. What am I to do? I keep praying but I think I’m ready to call it quits on God. I’ve been much happier before I turned to God. I’m tired of being judged by fellow Christians because I’m not good enough for you! You look and judge all the time, I hate it! Christians have hurt me more than any other “NONBELIEVER”, they accept me and take me in. Christians want me to hate myself before God will accept me, I call BS on that! Thanks for ruining my life and I’m certain there is no hell or heaven! FU!

                                                                                                • Daniel

                                                                                                  I thought unequally yoked was a king james version, which means god didnt write it or preach it, get a hold of yourself and stop lying to the people. God loves all, and he wants us all to be happy, whether we have the same beliefs or not. LOVE IS GOD, What gives you the right to judge. Lest not be hypocrites!

                                                                                                  • Jodi

                                                                                                    Dear Daniel,

                                                                                                    You are clearly very angry. You have run into some people that were not a good representation of Christianity. Anyone who has judged you is going against a very basic Christian principal. The only question I have for you is, if you feel so betrayed by Christians than why did you decide to come to a Christian website? I am hoping that the answer is that in your heart God has touched you. You can feel this and you are yearning to be close to Him. But you are finding it hard to reconcile. He is speaking to you. You have been chosen, and yet the people that you think are supposed to be representing Him have fallen short. Daniel, please do not give up. God is so clearly trying to reach you. He is knocking on your door, louder than most. Find someone to talk to. Don’t leave it to chance. Look online, talk to people. He is call you home. Don’t miss His call.

                                                                                                    Christian singles Blog Moderator

                                                                                                    • stine

                                                                                                      Hi Daniel, it’s ok you don’t have to be angry anymore… some people who call themselves Christians are not really true Christians at all you don’t have to be affected by what they say to you… what’s important is you are right with GOD. And you will know in your spirit if you are because then you will have the peace that transcends all understanding. I’d like to be your friend and try to help you with your situation the best way I can. you can email me at GOD bless!

                                                                                                      • Melinda

                                                                                                        Irene, this is for you.. I feel bad that I came up to this website a little bit too late. I hope you can read me right now… God loves you much more than you can ever think.. It’s never too late for God. your time is not God’s time. Remember the promise God made to abraham? he had kids very late. Another thing Not everyone borns to have a family there is a reason for that too. Don’t forget what happened to Job. Job said the Lord gives the Lord takes may the name of the Lord be glorified.
                                                                                                        He still praise God. No matter what happens You still not going to give up on your God. Please don’t think negative. This is exactly what the ennemy wants you to think. Repent on your thinking. Make a turn around with your faith. In your situation like that, if you keep up your faith by praising God Just like it is, there is a blessing in it. I will pray for you to keep your head up. NOTHING is impossible to God!!!!

                                                                                                        • Melinda

                                                                                                          Dear Daniel
                                                                                                          Yes God wants us to be happy that is the reason you can NOT be with a person who is NOT a believer. This is for your own good. The unbeliever don’t see things the way you see them. Can’t talk the way you do, can’t think the way you do,therefore Can’t walk the way you walk. when there is a misunderstanding things can NOT work out.
                                                                                                          there will be confusion and NO peace. would you like to have drama all your life? No God calls you to have PEACE more abundantly.

                                                                                                          • MELISSA

                                                                                                            Reading thru all the blogs I have so much compassion for both sides of the relationship. I know I have to press on with Gods word, God says to not be yoked unevenly, hes trying to protect our hearts because hes our Father….

                                                                                                            • aliesha ritter

                                                                                                              hey. I wanna share something with everyone who ever dated an unbeliever. Think of them as someone who is on a mission to bring you down in faith. (But they are so sweet, they have good morals, hes a great cook!…etc..) no there are some great quolity’s yes but you will always be the one to mend and bend to there ways of life. God is someone who loves you much more than you could ever imagine. He has someone so perfect for you. You wouldn’t have to bend to their lifestyles. You and your soulmate would bend together! I have just gotten out of a ungodly relationship! and had problems letting that person go because i gave myself to him. It creates that attatchment..dont let yourself be hurt like this. Make the right descission so you dont have to go through the pain and the heartache like i did. But God knows whats best for you! so trust in him and he will show you!

                                                                                                              • Ashley

                                                                                                                I need advice:

                                                                                                                I’ve been with a wonderful man for 14 months. He is incredible.
                                                                                                                He prays to God and believes in Jesus, but he isn’t seeking God everyday. He doesn’t go to church very often. He is more moral and responsible than I am, which is an eye-opener.
                                                                                                                I guess I worry that because he isn’t trying to seek God everyday and be a “man after God’s heart” that we are not meant to be. I am a sinner and not perfect by any means, but I do want to seek God and grow closer to Him every day.
                                                                                                                I do have this idea in my head that I want him to change and become more of a seeker of the Lord. I wish he would have a loving, every day relationship with God.
                                                                                                                Does loving someone and being in a relationship with them, while hoping they draw closer to God than they already are, fall into the category of being not really loving?
                                                                                                                I just want God to be the foundation of our relationship and our lives, and right now we are each other’s foundation. I have just as much to work on as he does. But I worry that I have more of a thirst and awareness of the changes we need to make, whereas he’ll just go along with it for me.
                                                                                                                I need thoughts and advice so badly.

                                                                                                                • cherry

                                                                                                                  yes well i’ve meet this guy he has all the characterstics of a christian guy but he is not saved…….he is willing to become a christian..we are not together but i was wondering if its ok to allow him to become a christian and when he is ready we can have a relationship of the sort

                                                                                                                  • Danny

                                                                                                                    We need to read through the old testament and take note of the many times God spoke to Israel concerning relations with the people of pagan nations and their beliefs. In every instance, the children of Israel left God and began serving idols of the pagan nations. Samson too, is a good example of what can happen when we enter into relationships with unbelievers. In his case we see he lost what God had given him. Samson was brought to an open shame before the philistines. However, Samson did repent.

                                                                                                                    Please let us not allow Satan to deceive and distract us from what God has for us. I speak from experience. Pray for that unsaved person before entering into a relationship that the may come to know Christ as their Savior. Put God first and allow Him to do the work.

                                                                                                                    Our love must always be for God first. Remember Satan is very crafty and can present someone to you that seems so right. But,
                                                                                                                    we must abide in God’s word so we will know what is from Satan and what is from God.

                                                                                                                    Proverbs also gives great illustrations about relationships with immoral women and the bad results of messing with such women.

                                                                                                                    • R.V

                                                                                                                      Hi, I was reading through the posts, and there’s one case that brought my attention of this girl “WANDERING” who wrote her story…and u know what I started crying, because it was like if it was me writing that, her story is so similar to mine, but in my case is a little worse because the guy I’m seeing has a girlfriend, and as for me, I’m involved in the worship at my church, which makes me feel so dirty and that I don’t deserve to be up there singing. All the plans I had seemed like they were just taken away from me, and all the dreams I had in the Lord seemed like they will never take place. I also don’t know what to do, I do need help, a lot, but just like Wandering, I just cant go up to my paster or my parents, because people will just judge me, and that won’t help at all. I want to get out of it already, but dont know how, I don’t want to lose the person or hurt him. I don’t know what to do, I need someone to help me and guide me, and not leave me if I get to break up with him, because is gonna hurt so so much, that I don’t think I will make it. I know I’ll wanna die, and that’s why I’ll need the strenght from someone and a lot of prayer…. I would love to be contacted through e-mail if someone would be willing to help me out. Thanks a lot!!

                                                                                                                      • Xica

                                                                                                                        I find his article extremely prejudice. I can’t believe such a big emphasis is made on people who go to church and the ones that don’t. LOVE does not care about religion or ethnicity. LOVE is a feeling and it cannot be explained or forced upon anybody just because of religion???? really??? I have dated both church and non church men and they were both wonderful people and family oriented. There is no such thing as salvation because you attend church just be a good person without expecting anything. Just be a good person because you feel in your heart is the right thing to do. Just be a good person because it feels your day with joy and someone will smile. Just be happy and enjoy life being a good person and not because you are expecting paradise after you die.

                                                                                                                        • Jennifer

                                                                                                                          How are we to know what is Gods plan and what is not? What if God puts someone who isnt a christian in our path on purpose?
                                                                                                                          Sometimes I feel as if people caution against dating nonbelievers because they assume that they will be the one influenced and not the influencer. What if a person is strong in their faith?

                                                                                                                          I have been dating someone who is jewish for over a year. He is a wonderful person. He completely accepts me for who I am and my beliefs (such as waiting til marraige, no drinking, drugs, etc). He even has gone on a missions trip with me. I can see someone who is yearning to make a difference in the world and wants to know the truth but (being in young and in college) just hasnt put in the effort yet and decided what he believes regarding jesus. I feel like it is truly a healthy relationship- he treats me like a princess and i have learned so much and gained such a positive view on relationship (i was very cynical and bitter before). I can talk to him about faith and deep topics. He is even going to read the case for christ soon.

                                                                                                                          Should I stick with it? According to most people here, no good can come of a relationship with a nonbeliever.

                                                                                                                          • Mark

                                                                                                                            I am 54 now and wasted almost a year of my life dating an unbelieving woman. She totally deceived me initially, telling me she was a Christian. Then I discovered her idea of being a Christian and mine were two different ideals. She had no Christ relationship and desired none. She never ever read her bible… and only went to church a couple times with me. I really fell for her, but the Holy Spirit prompted me several times to get out of the relationship, but I kept thinking she would turn around. She didn’t and after months I realized I was losing my walk with Lord over this woman. Praise God I got out of that situation. I still pray for her and she calls occasionally, but I do not want to have any more to do with her. I was married for 24 years and knew my wife 30 years, before my divorce. I was devastated when my wife decided she wanted to “spread her wings” and live her own life. My ex-wife walked away from me and Christ and married an unbeliever, which is still difficult to fathom. I mean leave me if that is what you want, but leave the Lord? Anyway, it is difficult for me to meet Christian women and I pray God will bring a Godly woman into my life, however, I am content to stay single until His timing. Stay close to Lord and enjoy His joy while you wait. He will see us through all things. God Bless – Mark

                                                                                                                            • April


                                                                                                                              I’m having the same thoughts. I’m semi-involved with someone who is not of another faith, but has what are in my opinion agnostic views. Everyone says Christians should not date non-believers, but I too question whether God sometimes brings these type of people into our lives for a purpose. Its great that your guy is open to learning more about Jesus, I would say thats a good sign. I think this is something that alot of people struggle with, myself included. So just know that you are not alone. I wouldn’t jump into marriage or anything, but I would stay stick it out for awhile, pray, and see what happens. I’m sure some will disagree with me though.

                                                                                                                              • S

                                                                                                                                Man I met a girl over the Christmas break. I was lonely and she was very persistent and beautiful. I knew enough about her to know that her way of life bothered me. But I felt VERY strong in God and felt like she would have no power over me. I was completely frigging wrong. I though we could just chill and nothing would happen. I fooled myself. Within a week I fell in love with her. The whole time I knew I couldn’t be with her so I was torn. I shouldn’t have got in the relationship in the first place… but I did. The moral of the story… don’t get involved with non Christians. Be patient. I know it’s hard. But it will be much harder to live with someone the rest of your life who you were never meant to be with. Straight up. I pray for everyone here. Stay strong. Blessings.

                                                                                                                                • Justin

                                                                                                                                  Mark, I sympathise with your situation. I too married someone who I believed was a Christian (as did everyone I knew). A few years into our marriage she gave up on God. Mid-last year, after 12 yrs married, she decided she’d had enough of me too.
                                                                                                                                  Recently I started dating a non-Christian and things moved very fast, in part because having been married there were some aspects of the relationship that I had really missed. God has drawn me to this site today to help me understand that the feelings I have for her are just lust, not love. It is going to be painful to split up, in part because it will hurt her. To those considering or in the early stages of a relationship with a non-Christian, it is better by far to save both of you the pain and not even start. God bless

                                                                                                                                  • tanGM

                                                                                                                                    I dated a non-christian girl for four years. She is of taoism/buddisht believe though she didnt really practice it. On and off she will tell me that she went to temple or something that has to do with her believes, just to see what reaction I would give on the matter. I felt miserable evertime this was brought up. I could feel that I walked further and futher away from God. I tried to talk about what God’s love is about but she doesn’t seem to accept it. I decided not to commit myself in this relationship and so the relationship ended. I was devastated and still feeling the pain. At time I was just wondering if I made the right decision. Loneliness grips my heart. I regetted so much now I didn’t consider the point of not dating someone that does not belong to the same faith.

                                                                                                                                    • Sama

                                                                                                                                      When reading this entry and most of the reactions on it, I kinda feel like I should say something, though I don’t know what. Some stories are totally heartbreaking while others just make my blood boil. I myself am agnostic, but was raised, according to the cultural standard where I live, a Catholic and, well, it kinda bothers me God, who loves all His children, would actually forbid people with a different view on religion to get together. Isn’t that like saying Brits can’t mary the French because their language is different?

                                                                                                                                      I understand that it can be really frustrating when the one you are talking to, whether this concerns a girl-/ boyfriend or anybody else, does not share your ideas on the matter. The thing is, the other one IS able to understand and respect your vision. Not every non-believer or whatever will tell you you are wrong, but ofcourse they too will be very frustrated when they feel you are actually just trying to convert them instead of really wanting a proper relationship.

                                                                                                                                      A lot of my Dutch friends have a grudge against Christians, sometimes even stating they hate them. When asking why, I always get the reply they do because ‘they are annoying, they always want to convert me’. They feel as if those Christians they have met (thus the ones that are very open about their believes and go from door to door to tell people that) wanted to force their believes onto them. ‘What for’ is the next question. ‘Why would they want to do this’. It’s… hard for people to understand their doorbell is being abused by people that would want to save their soul. To them it’s the same as having someone at the door that is selling mobile phones, telling everybody that you HAVE to HAVE this type because else you will become a social outcast and end up a very lonely (wo)man, eventually dying in some empty house, only to be found by some unfortunate passerby a couple of months later.

                                                                                                                                      Where I live, we too have newborn Christians, though I wouldn’t know where they are based at. Anyhow, one day in the summer, some lady came knocking on the door, said some words and gave me a folder. I was surprised to see it was an invitation to a come-together, some kind of open day, literally open to everyone. I really wanted to go because I thought it could be interesting, but my dad didn’t think high about it (and since I still don’t have a driver’s license (I’m 22, stupid detail, living in the middle of Europe in a country you don’t need a DL to proof you’re over 18 since you already have an ID), this meant no ride). What I’m saying is: I was interested. Not because someone had told me I would burn in hell if I wouldn’t go and put my trust into God, but because they gave me a choice. I could go, get back home and have a thought about it, at my own pace instead of nearly having to decide on the spot.

                                                                                                                                      So, to ‘believers’ dating ‘unbelievers’, the only thing I can say is: just ‘show’ your love how much it means to you. Show him or her that, whatever you believe, it makes you happy. Try to respect eachothers differences. If the other really loves you, he or she will see what your faith means to you and maybe, just maybe, they will also want to be part of that part of your life. Just don’t force them. How would you feel if your date would force you to do something that is against everything you believe in?

                                                                                                                                      I know it is said in all languages you shouldn’t be ‘yoked together with unbelievers’, but somewhere along the lines, I just think it’s saddening. Why can you be unequally yoked with other believers, but not with anyone else?

                                                                                                                                      Ah well, let’s face it: you have to feel good about your relationship, both your relationship with God as the one you may have with your partner. If something is not feeling right and talking doesn’t help, then yes, something might be pretty wrong.

                                                                                                                                      This is just me trying to say something meaningful. (I’m probably failing horribly X’D.)

                                                                                                                                      • Rehema

                                                                                                                                        i come to this site seeking some anwers i have leant a lot.I met unsaved man last year in all human terms he looked like the answer to my prayers because i have been waiting on God for a partner. My biological clock is ticking very fast and i need to have a baby before its late.i gave in had sex with him .He seriouly want to get married.i want to settle down as well But i know in my heart it will be against God’s will,he says he is ready to get saved but i know he will be doing it for the wrong reasons which is to get married.
                                                                                                                                        I have tried severally to break the relationship, i have even stopped all communication now.I miss him and i hurt a lot.Am scared i might not meet a christian man soon enough to be able to start a family am not young.Please encouage me and pray for me too.

                                                                                                                                        • ML Noubeg

                                                                                                                                          I’m a born again Christian, i’m almost dating a religieous christian, i’m praying for him. He told me he is looking for a church, and is coming with me to church since a couple of monthsnow . I don’t know him well, but he wants to get married and me too, i’m 36, i ‘ve had two relationships with christians than did not work.

                                                                                                                                          i’ve some examples of christians girls bringing a man to The Lord and then mary Him.

                                                                                                                                          that is what i wish for this relationship, my heart is so involved. But i want Him to beleive first.

                                                                                                                                          I want to remain pure till mariage. how can i evangelise him?
                                                                                                                                          thank you for helping me.

                                                                                                                                          • SAndra

                                                                                                                                            Hi i just came and read this articles and been encourage!
                                                                                                                                            Im a christian for about 10 years now, Im 29 years old and i only had 1 boyfriend and he is unbeliever. I met him online chat, get a long together and meet up personally. I been so decieved by his looks and kindness, to the point that i almost forgot i am a christian, we commited sexual immorality and a like. THen later on god put in my heart that all this things are wrong and againt his will. i realize then that im already making him my idol, Idol to the point that i put him first in everything that i think i cant live without him.
                                                                                                                                            I also invited him to church and he said it is so loud there and not so comfortable, in that point holy spirit talk to me that he is not the right person. I really love him and so is he.. But god told me to let go on the things that hinders me to worship him. Later on i broke up with him and so sad that he never even know why i do that cause he never do anything wrong with me :(. ITs hard to explain to him that god told me so and he never understand. I really hurt him so bad but i obey god and after that god blessed me so much.. Now im leading small group of single ladies, youth and Kids (preteen), Serving at kids church and singing at worship. I never knew i will be in this position where i am now, Although i dont have any boyfriend now i am excited and trusting god that in my waiting he is bringing joy in my heart that i learn to be content in any circumtances…… ALL GIRLS THERE….IN your waiting=—-just do the things that god want you to do and eveyday he will surprise you little by little.. have courage 🙂


                                                                                                                                            • RY

                                                                                                                                              I tend to agree with most of what the author said. However, I think there is a pitfall. God never promised that we will all have a wife or a husband. People who advocate for this is mistaken and cannot support this with the Scriptures. I think the age of optimistic thinking of the 90’s and early 2000’s is gone, and we as people, need to be realistic. Thinkings like this just breed heartaches and disappointments. And especially as Christians, we need to be grounded in the truth, teach others the same, and not give false hopes. With that said, I just want to point out the mistaken belief here. The Bible does not say all Christians will be married. What we need to realize is that God chooses who He blesses, and he chooses who he bestows mercy on. (Romans 8) This is what we need to learn. A relationship with God, That is the focus, marriage is just a fringe benefit.

                                                                                                                                              With that said, I think the problem is one of practicality, Our God is a practical God. Many Christians have a delusion of granduer. I am sure there is someone out there for you, but if you keep looking for Bathshebas, you might be passing alll the Ruths. Reassess your standards, focus on qualities that really matters for a long lasting relationship. Are you looking for a romance or a life partner? By the way, I am 32 and dating a Christian girl, who is smart, cute, attentive, considerate, faithful and fun. I been through many relationships, dated numerous girls who looks like cheerleaders. I went through the same thing as most Christians out there did, praying, fasting, seeking the Lord for a mate. Nothing. It was when I sit down and reassess my criteria that I realized I am focusing on the wrong qualties for a wife. Now, after changing my standards and focusing on qualities that matters, I found my present girlfriend, her being pretty is a plus too, but it was the lasting qualities that made this relationship great.

                                                                                                                                              Perhaps you been praying and asking, then God has been pointing, but you are just not looking at the same direction He is?

                                                                                                                                              • LL

                                                                                                                                                Most of us who find the Lord next struggle with the flesh and singleness and think the void and need can be filled by another human being…WRONG! God will never put us through that and actually we are being mislead in what it means to ‘seeking first the kingdom’ because our culture has dictated that we need someone to marry, especially since we are Christian…and that is WRONG teaching. God said ‘First seek the kingdom and all things will be added’. God has equipped His children with GIFTS AND TALENTS we are to develop and use for His kingdom. Marriage or finding a mate should NEVER be a BELIEVERS goal unless they are sooo out of control in the flesh that they just can’t control themselves. Then find someone and get married for it is better to marry, but you will have other challenges to overcome now with added pressures. I know that when I sought God to reveal my gifts and where He wants to use me to bring people to Him, ALL MY NEEDS WERE FILLED AND MY NEEDINESS VANISHED!!! God is a God of Power and Sound Mind and do not let our culture, or family or anyone dictate that a mere human being will be able to meet our fleshly needs. God has much bigger and higher plans and He has chosen to USE US to bring Glory to Himself. Think out of the box and conquer souls for His glory and ALL THINGS WILL BE ADDED TO YOU!!!

                                                                                                                                                • Cristina

                                                                                                                                                  I’m 17 years old girl and my Christian best friend asked me to pray for a boy that she thinks she loves.The boy is a Buddhist.I prayed for her and God told me to stop it.When I told this to them they started arguing and I did not have words to reply to them.Now the boy is ready to become a Christin because of her and my friend is asking what to say to him.What should I say ?
                                                                                                                                                  I will be really grateful if you can answer me.I’m in a really depressed situation and there’s no one around to help me
                                                                                                                                                  Thank you very much

                                                                                                                                                  • desde

                                                                                                                                                    you guys are stupid to dump ur fiances because theyre non-xtians. they would love you more than anyone or thing because they dont have to love the xtian god. they would be better for the world and never ever EVER leave you for something so superficial. you deserve to be lonely and single if your gonna be so shallow and judgemental. enjoy being alone.

                                                                                                                                                    • Susan

                                                                                                                                                      I agree with many of you, but at the same time unfornately have been hurt by men who are christians. It is sad thot those who are not christians call us hypocrites, but at the same time I think there is some truth to that. I know that it is wrong to date a unbeliever but it does get so very lonely. I was sexually abused so that does not help either. I know that the Lord is the only one who can fill that empty void in me. I know that I have been stubborn and bullheaded, about wanting my own way but at the same time have been trying to be open to the Holy Spirit.
                                                                                                                                                      I met a guy online who is not a christian. He has been easy to talk to. We want to get together this weekend. I am concerned cause I know I have been vulnerable, and don’t want it to get out of hand. He likes me and wants to see where it goes. I sent him e-mail, let him know that I don’t think we could have a relationship beyond friendship cause he is not a christian. I feel torn cause he is really is nice. He seems like a gentleman, but that is what I thought before about previous men I have met.
                                                                                                                                                      I met someone else online who is a christian. We have not been able to meet in person cause he lives out in Ohio. We want so much to see each other. We have known each other for more than a year, so obviously I think it is about time for us to meet in person. He loves the lord. He too is lonely. I know we all have to set our boundaries and stay faithful to the Lord. It is very hard. I know and believe that we all have a loving God who shows us grace despite our actions and thoughts that are not of him. I am truly grateful for that. I am trying not to make a decision cause I am so lonely, and then end up falling farther away from the Lord. I have made mistakes in the past, and regret it till this day. I have to pick myself up and keep going.
                                                                                                                                                      I guess I just want a friend, even if he is a male and a man who is not a christian. I would love it if he came to know the Lord, but it is up to him not me. I will not get into a relationship with a unbeliever hoping he will become a christian cause that may not happen. I have been growing closer and closer to my friend who is in Ohio. My heart longs to see him and be with him. WE all struggle with singleness. Sometimes, it just does not make sense but the Lord knows our hearts.

                                                                                                                                                      • Naja

                                                                                                                                                        I love this guy that I have known for over 10 years (we’ve been friends for that long), we recently were reconnected after 6 years of being physically seperated. we started seeing each other again and have begun to get closer. The thing is is that I am a Christian and he is not. He has (on a few occassions) told me that he enjoys smoking weed, watching porn, believes that the Bible is just a book of stories, that he doesn’t go to church, and has this “thing” about religion (he has taken alot of what he has heard and formed his own opinion/beliefs). I know all of these things yet I still allowed my heart to go there for him.

                                                                                                                                                        He treats me very very well. I know that makes no difference but…I mean, I WANT him but I don’t NEED him. Today we had a talk about the future of our relationship and he mentioned that he wasn’t able to give me what I wanted (a commitment-why I still wanted one, I don’t know, I loved him). It hurt but at the same time I knew better than to want that anyway. He isn’t able to give me what I want/need because truthfully he isn’t even linked up to the Father so how would he know what I need especially spiritually.

                                                                                                                                                        I know I don’t need him, but I struggle with wanting to be with him. Sometimes I wonder if I could ever meet anyone that treats me the way he does, makes me smile as big as he does, BUT be a Christian! I admit, early on in our dating relationship I’ve called my self saying well I can get him to Christ. It didn’t work then, and he is still in the same place now. Though I know I shouldn’t be with him, I still pray for his soul. Because through it all he is still and will always be my friend first (dating or not)..I want to spend eternity with Heaven. I want his soul connected with Christ before any and everything else. Who cares if we never become a couple, his salvation is most important… honest!

                                                                                                                                                        Now, God I just pray that you would help me to see and know that you want what is best for me, to give me what I NEED in a healthy, holy, happy relationship. One that is balanced, where I will grow and feel the extension of you through him. Heal my broken heart, dry my tears where I have cried myself to sleep at night because of lonliness, broken hearts, disappointment, and rejection. arrest these thoughts I’ve had of wanting to end my life because the pain of lonliness and rejection, heartbreak have been too much to handle. Fill me with you so that I won’t feel empty and search for people that don’t even like you or want to know you and be with. Open my eyes to help me to see my own beauty and worth. Help me to wait on you for the best. Help me to move forward. I need you God, only you are my life line. thank you for the best that is coming my way and the way of my brothers and sisters in Christ. In Jesus name, Amen.

                                                                                                                                                        • isaac

                                                                                                                                                          Dear Naja,

                                                                                                                                                          My heart goes out to you. I feel your love for this guy, and I know it’s real. The Lord dwells in everyone, or they wouldn’t be alive or kind or fun. However, of the Lord’s mercy, we have to choose Him or our own way, because heaven has nothing in common with hell. We can’t be 98% good and 2% foul and lusting and abusive once we cross over. We have to be willing to trust and give everything to God.

                                                                                                                                                          I offer you that the very deepest and eternal way to love someone is to love the way you love the Lord together. If you don’t have that yet with this guy, better to just love him as a sister, determinedly and openly ending the boyfriend/girlfriend illusion and resting in hope and faith. If he truly loves you, he will examine himself and open his heart to the Lord, for it will be the Lord’s love stirring in him. If he is just with you because you make him feel like no one has ever made him feel before, then when you stop giving him that sacred space in your heart reserved for your husband in Christ one day, then he will feel resentful, and may go on to someone else. If this is to happen, it is better to happen soon, then perhaps the hurt will not be so great in him that he cannot be ministered to by you in Christ.

                                                                                                                                                          Indeed, as you have prayed, the Lord is with you and will guide your footsteps into a way of peace.

                                                                                                                                                          Brother Isaac

                                                                                                                                                          • Jayson

                                                                                                                                                            Oh boy. I hardly know where to start.
                                                                                                                                                            I’m not going to say that “I’m a christian”, because sadly enough, that has become a very relevant term in today’s society. I’ve accepted that Jesus Christ died on the cross for our sins, and that he wants to have a relationship with us. I try everyday to get closer to him. So in that context I am a christian.
                                                                                                                                                            I have been interested in a girl, that does not share my beliefs in life, for four years. The first year, I just secretly liked her, and we were just friends. The second year, I found out she liked me too. Two years ago, we started dating off and on. I kept on ending it because I knew what God’s word said about dating a non believer. The last time I ended it, we didn’t date again for about a year. Just after I ended, I started to fall away from God. I probably fell away from God before that, but after we broke up, I started doing things with other girls, non Christians as well. She kept hearing about the things I was doing, and this tore her heart out. Amazingly she still cared about me very deeply. Over the next year, I started to draw closer to Christ, and we still cared about each other, but were not in a relationship. About four months ago, it kinda started up again. This time we’ve talked about God a lot. She still hasn’t asked God into her life though. Over the last four months I’ve grown closer to God than ever. I know that God can do anything, so I just wish he’d work in her life, and that she’d come to him. My pastor, and a bunch of my friends keep telling me I should end it, but I’ve done it before on the same account that she’s not a christian, and i don’t think God wants me to do it again. I pray about it everyday. I have to go now, but I’d really apreciate some feedback. Thanks

                                                                                                                                                            • DA

                                                                                                                                                              I have battled with this sort of question for quite some time and have never been able to open up about it to anyone because I don’t really have many friends…
                                                                                                                                                              I have always grown up in attending church but when I left for college I strayed away from the lord. I never stopped believing in God but I began to do things that I knew were not appropriate. I pushed my faith to the back burner. Recently, with seeing all of the things that are happening I have realized that the coming of Jesus is near and that I can no longer ignore it.
                                                                                                                                                              However… during the time I began to stray away from God I met my boyfriend of almost two years. We often talk about plans of getting married, children,etc. He is a wonderful caring person who respects my beliefs.(i.e. I am celibate and he respects/honors that) Only problem is that he believes in God but doesn’t do things like read the Bible or attend church or pray in other words I son;t see a relationship with God. I have spoken to him maybe three times before telling him that I don’t know if we can be together based on my beliefs and have explained to him that I am in no way judging him. We are still together but my problem is that although I very much do believe in God I struggle with praying as much as I should and not reading my Bible and attending church like I should (having an actual relationship with God). Because of this I feel as though I confuse him because I tell him we can’t be together because of my beliefs yet I do not act in ways that I know I should. I do not want to make him think that christians are hypocrites because of my actions and also I fear that he may resent God because of my news. I asked him to be honest with me when I asked him the question of whether or not he believed in God (Yes), whether or not he could ever see himself becoming a CHristian (yes). My problem with this is that even if this is true, How would I know that I have helped him by showing him the light or if he is only doing it because of me. But because I am not what I would call a good definition of a Christian (yet) I do not know what to do. Help?

                                                                                                                                                              • Jay

                                                                                                                                                                DA, I’ll be praying for you. My advice for you would be to continue growing in your relationship with God. Make sure that’s the focus of your life. You should also offer the situation up to him if you haven’t already. God is amazing and has a plan for everybody. You have to be patient with him, and trust that he has a plan. Read his word whenever you have a chance!

                                                                                                                                                                • DA

                                                                                                                                                                  I have waited and waited for someone to give me an answer
                                                                                                                                                                  here… but I guess the real answer is I have to find one within
                                                                                                                                                                  myself. I am happy for your advice… and I know that I should
                                                                                                                                                                  continue growing my relationship with God but I guess I was looking
                                                                                                                                                                  for an answer that told me that I couldn’t do this while dating my
                                                                                                                                                                  boyfriend… Being that when I met him I wasn’t what I would
                                                                                                                                                                  consider s christian I am confused on where he comes into play. I
                                                                                                                                                                  will continue to pray about this myself and hopefully will get an
                                                                                                                                                                  answer along with some real guidance… Thank you

                                                                                                                                                                  • kim

                                                                                                                                                                    i m in the same situation with u all….u r not alone. i m still struggle to get through it. i m still friend with my boyfriend ..but i haven’t seen him for three month now since we broke up. We still love one another n chat on messenger..i still can’t get over him yet.
                                                                                                                                                                    When i was with him…my faith fall away from God..i have fear if i keep doing this…I will go to hell..suffer now for good in the future.I keep pray to God…if he is for day God will bring him back to me with new him.
                                                                                                                                                                    Be strong to u all….God has best for u all… Thank u

                                                                                                                                                                    • shawna

                                                                                                                                                                      I am about to break up with my nonchristian boyfriend today. I should never have said yes when he asked me out. So far there has been nothing wrong with our relationship besides the fact that he is nonchristian and that it is hurting me. He was my first and I was his. God give me the strength to do this… I can’t believe I’m breaking up with him on Valentine’s day…

                                                                                                                                                                      • Mike

                                                                                                                                                                        I dated a nonChristian for a little over 2 years before I ended the relationship. It was the toughest thing I think I have done in my 22 years old life. The worst part was I tried to maintain contact with my exgirlfriend and that caused so many problems. Continuing to talk like normal kept us from truly being able to move on.

                                                                                                                                                                        I know that breaking up is hard to do, especially when you care deeply about the person. But honestly what it comes down to is the person doesn’t share your ultimate joy, that is God. As “compatible” as my ex and I were, she never would have been able to understand my joy and that inhibits two people from growing close together. It would be like someone who loved soccer (or anything really) so much that it was completely entwined in their life, dating someone who hated soccer. They would never be able to fully understand and appreciate each other.

                                                                                                                                                                        Kim – I know it’s tough, but cutting off all contact is the best the thing you could do right now. That includes messenger, texting, etc. Once I finally did that, I soon stopped regretting and questioning my decision. It was like a giant burden had been lifted from me. You can do it!

                                                                                                                                                                        Matthew 6:25-34 was such a great comfort my breakup. And over a year later, it still is. The Lord promises to provide us with the things we need. We’re told not to worry about what to eat or wear because God loves us so much more than birds and flowers, who don’t worry about such things. The only thing Christ tells us to do in this passage is to seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. Although I sometimes miss having a dating relationship, I cherish so much more the improved relationship with God and feel tremendous bless because of it!

                                                                                                                                                                        • Mike

                                                                                                                                                                          Oh, and being single is scary at first, it’s great!! Truly. I have so much more time to build meaningful relationship with guys (cause I’m a guy), spend more time in the Word and in prayer, and I have so much more time to give to my church. It use to be that a lot of my Friday and Saturday nights were taken up by my ex, but my plans are more fluid. I can spent a couple hours hanging with a friend going a rough time, without putting anyone else out. Generally, I just feel that God has been able to use me so much more since I have been single; it’s great! (That is of course NOT to say that God can’t use people who aren’t single)

                                                                                                                                                                          • kim

                                                                                                                                                                            Mike, sorry about my english cos this is my second language .it’s true all what u said. i keep thinking n hoping he will change one day. At this time ..very hard for me to get back to God…cos my heart divide. When i was dating him…i could not come to God…i felt ..i m not faithful to God n disobedience. I didn’t do what God word to say.i can’t hardly to hear God voice anymore. it’s hard to become true christian.Satan knows well my weaknest point. There is so much i like to say here about my life journey before n after know the Lord Jesus Christ. He is always there n help me….the only thing when come to my own desire this…i want to do my own way. i still love God n fear God…there for we broke up…but we still friends. Thanks for the scriptures, matthew 6:33. it always keep coming in my mind . I hope n wish to know u so we can share words one another. Thanks for ur advice. God bless every one here.

                                                                                                                                                                            • lovlygirl

                                                                                                                                                                              Hello. I am in the same situation as most. I am dating an unbeliever now and have been for the past like 10 months.Me and him have been through so much stuff like he has always helped me out through so many troubles that I have went through.When guys hurt me he was there to stand by my side.He isn’t a christian but I am, but I have been struggeling.I don’t know what to do, because I had to move out of my house for safety reasons, and I now live with him, and he has been paying for my rent.We live with our friend and his mom, and he works 6 days a week for hours upon end, just to afford me and him.I love him to bits, but I feel bad, because God already told me not to be with him, and if I focused on him, than he would bring me a christian guy in the next 6 months(this was around december) and now its March and I am still with this guy.I have been having sex and I know its wrong, but I continue to do it, because I want to do it.When I was told to stay focused on god I really tired.I met some guy and than dated him, but couldnt live without the guy I am dating now.My feelings always come back, and I know if I break up with him than I will just be depressed, and God doesnt want me to be unhappy, but without this guy I am with now I am unhappy. Mind you ive dated all non chritians cept 2, and I broke up with those 2 because I still had feelings for another ex boyfriend.non chrsitians keep asking me out, and if I am not dating this guy I am with now, and give into the other non believers.This guy I am dating now loves me to bits, and I love him, but how can I date him, when God told me not to? and I feel bad because I lost my virginity not to tbhis guy but to another guy(wasnt my fault shoukdnt of happened mu curiosity got to me, and i was confused and didnt know what to do) but anyways sorry if this is confusing, and I really want a christian man, but how can i when I truly love this guy I am with now? oh and he already said he is getting me a promise ring…………help please? I jeep giving into sin, and as long as I am dating a non christian i will continue to get into sexual acts not just sex, but four play and what not.

                                                                                                                                                                              • Tony


                                                                                                                                                                                I read and understand your situation well. I am a Christian man being raised Catholic and saved by grace through Christ Jesus in my middle 20’s. I have walked with the Lord for now 35 years.

                                                                                                                                                                                The scriptures are very clear about being Unequally “yoked” with a NON-Believer. This means even thinking about dating NB’s much less having sex with NB’s.

                                                                                                                                                                                I have been in many prayer meetings early in my Christian life where women were consistantly praying about their married situations. They started dating and falling in love with a NB, thinking he will get saved sometime after marriage (well, that’s up to the Lord). In most cases like this, the women suffer in their lives due to the fact that their husbands are NB’s…..and this is why the wives are in prayer meetings cring to God to help them.

                                                                                                                                                                                Many women take chances in marriage. It doesn’t mean getting married to a Christian man, you will never have problems or divorce. But when you go against the word of God to begin with, you are asking for trouble.

                                                                                                                                                                                Sorry to be so blunt, but these are the facts. Even Sarah had to wait a long time to have a baby. You may need to wait to get that Christian man ….. but the wait will be worth it!!


                                                                                                                                                                                • Help pleasse

                                                                                                                                                                                  hi…theres this guy ive known for 3 yrs now and we just recently just started dating. I am a christian but the guy isnt an everyday christian. I like this guy a lot but i have had many ups and downs in my mind on whether i should be with him or not. my long time friends have even excommunicated from me because of my decision to be with this guy…
                                                                                                                                                                                  any advice

                                                                                                                                                                                  • Erica

                                                                                                                                                                                    Hi, I have learned a lot today – received many wonderful advice. Like many others, I am currently in a very similir situation as well. I am a christian and I recently meet a wonderful man who is not saved. He grew up in the church but lost his way a few years back. This man has a good heart, goes to church – he is trying very hard to re-connect with the Lord again. I love this man because I see potential in him – so I encourage him and I have seen changes in him. He had a hard life growing up- so many people have disappointed him. He is now surrounding himself with christians and i let him know that God will never let him down and that he needs to trust God completely. Recently, I have been keeping my distance from him because I do not want to compromise and just really allowing God to work things out. I want him to fully commit to Jesus when he is ready for himself – I can only encourage him in the process and I don’t want him to do it for me but because he feels its the right thing to do.
                                                                                                                                                                                    I know we met for a reason and if nothing else happens, I just pray that this man will surrender his life to Jesus very soon. If this is the person for me then I strongly believe that God will work things out for good.

                                                                                                                                                                                    I crave your prayers,


                                                                                                                                                                                    • Jessica

                                                                                                                                                                                      In regard to dating unbelievers, I came to this sight to read everything that I already know. I was engaged to my ex boyfriend who was not a Christian. We had been together for a total of 2 years and it’s now been a year since we broke up. I broke up with him because he wasn’t a Christian. He could never relate to my unending hope in Christ and he could never relate to the faith I had. He hated God and I learned exactly why we ought not to be yoked to an unbeliever. It’s not meant to be an offensive thing either to those who are unbelievers reading these posts. I loved my fiance with my whole heart but there was a disconnect in spirit that could not be ignored. He would never understand my passion to share Christ, he would never understand my conviction to not speak against people, to honour people even when they didn’t deserve it and to give to others to the point of sacrifice. I couldn’t communicate with him the things that moved my heart and my spirit or any revelations I would get when I read the scriptures. He would listen and respect what I recieved from the Lord but never understand it to the point of being joyful with me or sharing with me in the experience. As the Christian in the relationship I found myself feeling incomplete in my union with him. I found myself feeling a bit alone and unable to fully give myself to him in love and in commitment because of it. So I left him and in the last year I went through the pain of trying to get over him and move on. My relationship to Christ reached new heights that I never knew possible. He was there in the thick of it all when the pain of breaking up was at it’s worse. Now more than a year later I have found myself in a place where life is going really well for me, I have dreams that I am pursuing and I am perfectly content as a single woman. My value has been found in Christ and I am zelous for Gods will to be done on earth as it is done in heaven. What is troubling is that as I tried to forget my exfiance i would experience dreams about it him all the time. I went through breaking soul ties and throwing away anything leftover from our relationship. I prayed every day for his salvation that somehow God could call his name so that he would hear and come to know Christ. I prayed for his well being and for Gods hand to be in his life. I prayed for anyone to show up in his life that could share the gospel. A few days ago for the first time I admitted to myself that he will likely never contact me even though i wanted him to. I admitted that it was possible that i would never hear from him again. I told God that it was a good thing that my ex never tried to stay in my life even as a friend because I would not be strong enough to resist the temptation of getting back together again. That night I had a dream that he popped back into my life again after such a long time of not speaking. I didn’t want to wake up. I stayed in bed for 12 hours just so that the dream wouldn’t end. I didn’t want to let go. The next day I received a message from my ex. I foolishly responded and now it’s been about a week where I have been talking to him again. My heart is soaring with happiness to be able to speak with him and to laugh because of him and to hear him talk of memories with me. My heart is also in comlete devastation as I know that I’m going to have to once again let him go for the sake of the Lord. I have to repeat the hardest thing I have ever done again. The super sad thing is this is actually the 3rd time. I am shocked that the Lord is allowing this, and I am broken that I have to give my ex up again. Luckily he is in another province so we have not actually seen eachother. We have only communicated via text messages and emails. We are planning to see eachother at the end of this month. I am disobeying the Lord and I know it. I am so torn right now. I have 3 weeks to muster up the courage to let my ex down and cut it off or to go through with it. I don’t actually want to get together again only because he will want me to leave my life here and I can’t do that. I have major job opportunities that I don’t want to give up and my who family is here with me. To leave here would mean giving up on everything that the Lord has given me this last year. But I realize that when in love, we can do almost anything no matter what the cost is. Anyways, it’s better never to get involved with an unbeliever to begin with. There is almost certain pain and you will have to choose between them or the Lord. If you think you can do it without choosing one or the other then you will for sure be securing for yourself a life with someone whom you cannot be fully intimate on all levels, mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Imagine being intimate with someone on all those levels. It would create a bond so much stronger than if you are missing even one of them. I keep thinking about that fact. I pray I can muster up the strength and the courage to do the right thing, again!

                                                                                                                                                                                      • dan

                                                                                                                                                                                        I am still a male virgin @46. Waited all these years, got dumped by christian girls who had sex before marriage and ended up marrying and are now blessed and revered in church. Premarital sex obviously did the no harm to them, whilst my obeying God did me a lot of harm! I listened to the preacher, but those who did not are doing much better. God loves his people selectively, and I am one of those suckers he likes less, we obey him but he favours those who don’t. Pls. don’t preach to me, I want practical advice and no longer endless scripture which sounds right but yields no results over decades.

                                                                                                                                                                                        • SW

                                                                                                                                                                                          I read your comment and I just wanted to say, God loves YOU just as much as he loves those girls who appear to be so revered in the church. He is not selective in His love, He has no “favorites” please know you are deeply loved by Him.
                                                                                                                                                                                          Also, I understand how sometimes it may seem that people who do as they please have all the fun, but things are not always as they appear. I would bet you that those girls feel a lot of guilt and like they are hypocrites for their actions, and if they don’t. Well one day they will be judged for that. I don’t know what that will look like for them, and I don’t need to…I’m not the judge (fortunately! I wouldn’t want that job).
                                                                                                                                                                                          As for why you’re still single at 46, I can’t answer that, you said you wanted practical advise? Ask your friends if they might know why…maybe they can see something that you can’t. Are you pursuing girls that are quality? Are you doing your best to listen to them? Making them feel important when you’re together? Are you confident in yourself? Would you want to date you if you were a girl? Why? why not? Think about these things. I don’t say any of that to judge, just to help you think through these things a little. Dating is not always fun…but I will say that quality christian women want quality Christian men who are sincere, kind, thoughtful, good listeners, and FUNNY! I can’t tell you how important funny is…women like funny men…even not great looking ones. Can’t tell you how many times I found a man attractive after I discovering that he was funny! Also it’s flattering to a woman if she finds out a man is interested in her, often times a women will become attracted to a man after she finds out he’s interested…so don’t be shy to give some hints and be tactful…and above all..FUNNY! ok….hope that was a little bit helpful.

                                                                                                                                                                                          • sam

                                                                                                                                                                                            I was dating a saved guy for 6months. I am also a christian I believe that Jesus did die for our sins and only through him can we enter heaven. Me and this guy were introduced by a mutual friend we were talkn via BBM and phonecalls here and there. It was a long distance relationship. The 1st and only meeting we had I went to see him we had an amazing day and he treated me well. Fastforward the next month I was supposed to go see him I had bought tickets and everythng he cancelled on me cos he had church commitments. So I spent the day crying in my bed. The following month he was supposed to come see me and he said he forgot the ticket so he missed the train again stood me up. The following 4months it was always I can’t see you because of other commitments like family or church. I finally let him have it via a long text about how cold he was and how I was putting in all the effort which was true every month except the one he forgot the ticket it was me throwing tickets in the bin cos eveytime he would have an excuse of why he couldn’t see me. Long story short he ended it with me said apparently I was looking for the best n tht wasn’t him and it was over. Was I wrong to show fustration about not seeing a supposd bf for 6mnths he also hardly called main form of communication was text or bbm.

                                                                                                                                                                                            • kim

                                                                                                                                                                                              To jesicca n every one here.


                                                                                                                                                                                              Hi, i v the same story as u, just wonder is everything with u. if u don’t mind to share ur next story. my ex wants me back, i m tempted , It is very hard n its true. it’s better never to get involved with an unbeliever to begin with as i did.
                                                                                                                                                                                              Thanks for sharing with me, my email is
                                                                                                                                                                                              God bless everyone.

                                                                                                                                                                                              • Nataya

                                                                                                                                                                                                I was a christian when i started dating by husband who wasn’t a christian but was very God-fearing and quite supportive of my faith. He got baptized and after three years of dating we got married. Now after eight years am still happily married with two beautiful children ,thanks be to God, it could have gone the other way but God promises never leave us nor forsake us. Not because some one isn’t a christian doesn’t mean that they donot believe in God. When the right one comes along whether he’s a christian or not you will know, am sure many believers have date believer and the relationship didn’t work out as well. I think whatever situations we might find ourselves in we still need to let God be the captain of our ship as once we take our eyes off im we are going to sink.

                                                                                                                                                                                                • Trinity

                                                                                                                                                                                                  First I didn’t read all your comments I read most of the first half.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  I am a Christian and I find half of you offensive. First a rule above rule is this God loves everyone it is never selective. And He teaches us to love everyone as we want to be love.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  I am not a promoter of dating non christian. I believe God should be the main thing and above everything in all respect of our lives. But I’m a little taken that most Christians advice would be to quit the relationship and not seek God about it. Have you thought that God might have another plan? I’m not saying that the relationship will work but sometimes God is reaching out to bring this couple to new heights. All I’m saying is this, believer or not, if you are in doubt, pray. He will listen. His Will will be the best you can hope for, trust in Him, He will probably be the only one that will never fail you.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  I strongly don’t agree with anyone whose first advice is to breakup. Pray to God for He listens and He will leave you. Trust in Him and His ways for you but keep praying. For what He seek is a relationship with you not blind fearful obedience.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  • Charles

                                                                                                                                                                                                    i am having a relationship with a muslim right now..i’m having trouble to break up with her because she’s a really nice girl..she accepts me as a devouted christian and doesn’t care if i’m not a muslim..before i dated her, i prayed to God and red the Bible..somewhere at the new testament, i think it was Apostle Paul wrote it, “for those who have a wife which is a non-believer, don’t leave them because they could be a blessing to save her”..i don’t know if i’m getting it please help me realize what God really wanted to tell me..any comment would be a great help..thanks and God Bless us all..

                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Charles

                                                                                                                                                                                                      I’ve already found the verse..its in 1Cor. 7:12-16..i think it contradicts with other text..please help me to fully understand these..i would be really grateful 4 any help..tnx and God Bless..

                                                                                                                                                                                                      • C

                                                                                                                                                                                                        I’m not sure how I came across this site, but have been mesmerized by these testimonies of pain, loss and healing.i can relate to many of you being a Christian woman seeing (falling in love) with a non-believer in Christ. I feel I was not a shining example of the Proverbs 31 woman. But I am convicted by the Holy Spirit to sever the relationship. This guy is God fearing, but not ready to call himself a Christian. He wants to study and get educated on other religions first in order to make an intellectual decision. I respect his thirst for knowledge, but as I told him, I couldn’t allow myself to be submitted to someone that didn’t know Jesus as his savior. He says I’m being close-minded and fanatical. I really want to be a witness to him, but feel I have done more harm than good at this point. But despite it all I have to trust that God has my/his best interest at heart. I just need to take that step of obedience and allow God to do things His way instead of trying to make things happen on my own.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        • Veronica

                                                                                                                                                                                                          It is so easy to hurt sensibilities when speaking about this topic. I personally think that as in many other passages Paul is a bit harsh here, but it is because he is so clear and passionate about the whole picture and possible consequences that he is so hard on the topic. I also think the main principle is not about being worth more or not, about holding the monopoly on truth or not, nor about unbelievers being maliciously evil or unworthy. It is mainly about being DIFFERENT, different worldview, priorities and life mission. Differences regarding how we use our money, time and energy. I ask, is it convenient to marry a non-Christian? Do you love the other person and your future children enough to spare them of ensuing pain although you wish with all your heart to be married to him or her? I also look at the it the other way around, to many unbelievers we are wackos, ignorant and/or judgemental fanatics, so why would they want to date us, have children with us and raise them with us? If you can marry an unbeliever (and a “believer” for that matter) and be true to your purpose and the cause of Christ, then go ahead, but I think it is pretty unlikely. Someday they will be jealous about how you spend your time, money energy, someday the thought will cross their mind that you are wacko, ignorant, judegemental or a fanatic, or someday they will resent what you are teaching your children. I sometimes think that if I find someone who agrees on not having children, then we could be fine, but what if we have children? And what about the other issues?

                                                                                                                                                                                                          I have dated and almost married a non-Christian and I have dated and almost married a quasi-Christian. Both have been scarring experiences. In the first case we loved each other dearly and were a great team, I moved to be with him, lived together for over a year, but the breaking point came when we talked about our children, his stance: “you will not teach our children such rubbish!” What? raising my children as unbelievers while I am a believer? Impossible.
                                                                                                                                                                                                          In the second case, he seemed to love the Lord deeply and looked like a match made in heaven, there were sooooo many “concidences” it raised the hair in the arms of my counselors when I told them about it. But after a while, I realized he was passive-aggressive towards me, smoked pot, fiercely defended his habit, and I think overall he had a war induced mental illness. Scary situation.

                                                                                                                                                                                                          So now I am 36 trying to be intentional about dating, scared and sometimes skeptical. I haven’t given up, my heart still longs for a life partner, but I am clear that if so many have given their LIFE for the cause in the past, I can for sure be willing to give up marriage for my life’s purpose and the cause, so help me God!

                                                                                                                                                                                                          • Sarah

                                                                                                                                                                                                            Ugh! These posts are breaking my heart. I was married for four years to a supposed Christian. We just filed our dissolution papers today. He abused me in every way possible. Screeched about the Bible and God, then went out and got drunk, cheated on me with hookers and co-workers, and beat me up. I was lucky to get out, but my life is in shambles and probably will be for a long time. During the separation I met a very nice agnostic guy and he treated me well in every possible way. It was like I had found my soul mate. However I told him early on that I didn’t feel right being with a non-Christian and I had a teary break up with him. The next morning, he called me back up and said he wanted to make the relationship work and he said that he wanted to go to church with me every Sunday. I was so hopeful I thought things were going to work out for us, but after almost 3 months he said he didn’t think he was going to become a Christian, and he just couldn’t wrap his mind around Jesus, creationism, and basically everything I can’t imagine living without in spite of all of the hell I have been through. God convicted me and told be I would not be happy if I stayed with this guy, and I knew I couldn’t ignore that again. We broke up again, but for right now we are still maintaining a friendship. I have been praying night and day and am worried sick about him going to hell, whether I ever get back with him or not. My whole life I have only associated with Christians and I have been hurt by nearly all of them, guys and girls alike. I know how it feels to be betrayed by God’s people in His own house. But if I can help any of you let me just say that you should never ever be impatient with God. Let Him give you the best. Remain single, and have fun! Be happy! Enjoy time with your friends and family! Take up hobbies! Travel! It doesn’t have to be anywhere fancy, just enjoy time in nature. Marriage to the wrong person (being unequally yolked counts) is pure hell. You wish every day you could go back to being single. The sex isn’t worth it, and neither is the supposed companionship. God wants people to be comfortable on their own before he introduces them to the perfect one.

                                                                                                                                                                                                            • Nicholas Boissonneault

                                                                                                                                                                                                              Hey guys!

                                                                                                                                                                                                              Read through almost everyone of these posts. First off, we must understand and be empathetic for peoples situations. God is an amazing God. The life we live should always be to seek Him. I am dating a non-Christian girl who believes in God, but doesn’t seek any relationship with Christ. I went through a hard time of guilt from church members over this, but it wasn’t until I went to the Lord that I found peace, as always. I prayed for an opportunity to speak with my girlfriend about Christ. I have faith in my God and have faith that an opportunity will come forth.

                                                                                                                                                                                                              While I would recommend that dating Christians is probably best, I think with a strong faith and continual, daily, trust in God, dating non-Christians is not a sin. Marriage is another discussion. Dating is supposed to be the time where you figure out what you want in a partner, and if comes to be that you want a Christian, than you will figure that out. Have trust that God is working through everything in your life. His power is made perfect in our weakness.

                                                                                                                                                                                                              In love,


                                                                                                                                                                                                              • Ophelia

                                                                                                                                                                                                                Hi,I’m dating a non-believer for almost 2 years now… We are living together and he even comes with me to church yet he STILL goes to his prayer (Tamil). I always tell myself that he will change and that I need to have more faith but it seems like the longer I’m in the relationship the more I see how much he loves HIS gods. I love him and his family has been a blessing to me and has never forced me to perform any rituals. My problem is that I don’t know if I should have faith and hold on n believe that his going to change or just let go… If I back out and if God put there for a reason then I’ll feel like I failed my mission.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                Pls help with advice!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                • go2

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Well to Ophelia:

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  You are going against God’s will by LIVING with and being with a non believer. You’re not dating him you’re living with him without the benefit of marriage.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                  God didn’t put you there for a reason. Satan put you there for a reason. It’s easy to delude ourselves when the Bible is clear on this subject. I would check my own motivations for being with a non believer never mind Living with one or living with anyone without the benefit of marriage.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  • Launeice

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    Great advice, I dated an unbeliever for 7 years. I hoped he would accept Christ because he was a good man and I really enjoyed his company, we were best friends and I really loved him. However, there was always some level of guilt on my part because I knew what the bible said about being unequally yoked. Needless to say, the relationship ended badly because I told him I needed to move on for a number of reasons. But eventhough I ended the relationship, I still loved him and from time to time think about him. I know I made the right decision but it was one of the hardest decisions I could have made. I only wish I would have listened to my family and not dated him in the first place.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • laura

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      I’ve been into a relationship with a man who does not believe in Christ. it was my sin and my fault because I knew I had to wait till marriage. the point is that he is my first and only man and we have been also into a physical relationship. now he is fine with me being a chriztian.and he would like to pursue the relationship even if he has Im scared and sad because I know marriage needs God to be.tied and healthy grow kids in the God’s word. even if Im not married I know before God we are one because of intimacy.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Im scared. he loves me and treats me well. Im scared of hurting bad..Im also his first and only girlfriend. please I need a mentor. I need help. I dont know what I love God but got into a loving relationship I would not leave

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      • Daisy


                                                                                                                                                                                                                        I am in a relationship with my non-believer boyfriend of six years. I had known him since high school and I made a vow to love him. During this time, I was already a believer in Christ, but I backslided and got confused. He treated me with love and respect (and always cave to my every wish) though I cheated on him once. I promised to marry him and yet I cheated on him. What should I do? I am very confused, what is God’s will for me by the way? Should I marry him or not? Even though I cheated on him, he still loves me and does not want to eat anything unless I stay with him. What should I do? Feels guilty and just returned back to Christ a couple of weeks ago from backsliding. Very confused, please help!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        • Rafiqul Islam

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Hi I’m Rafiqul Islam. I’m from Bangladesh. And I living in Saudi Arab. I’m interested of Christian. But I’m a Muslim. I want to change my religion? What I need to do. Or if I change my religion? That’s time a good Christian girl Merry me or not?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          • Katie S

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            I don’t know what to do. My heart is absolutely breaking. My story is very similar, but also very different from many of these stories. Last summer I was really pursuing God, but got to my freshman year of college and got caught up in popularity and guys. I was with a bunch of different guys. However, I ended up actually meeting a wonderful young man. We got into physical intimacy way too soon, as I wasn’t following Jesus at the time. After six months, I knew God wanted me to stop having sex, so I told him. He does believe in God and Jesus, but he isn’t truly living for Him. His mom is very Christian and prays for him all the time. We broke up, and I wrote prayers for him every day. My whole outlook on life has changed. I started praying to God for divine appointments on campus, and broken people came to me and I witnessed to them about Jesus, using him in my testimony to other girls my age saying that God has someone for them that will wait and will love them. Two months we had no contact together. But then one day he came up to me in the campus center. And he sat down with me and said “Katie, I’ve heard you’ve used me in your testimony. The reason we broke up wasn’t because of sex to me. I am sorry I hurt you; I never meant to do that. I’ve been here without you for two months without sex and I still love you just as much as I did with it, so that isn’t factoring into it. I don’t want to be painted as the bad guy. I have never stopped loving you.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            He left and I sat crying there. Several days later I was outside at 11 at night on campus, writing and praying for a divine appointment. And exactly at that time he skateboarded by (he never is out at that time let alone in the exact spot I was). He said “I don’t know why I’m out, but I feel like I’m supposed to be skateboarding right now.” He sat down with me at the table and told me how much he truly loved me and cared about me. I’m thinking about possibly transferring colleges, but I’m still not 100% sure as I do feel that God is with me either way. Anyways, he said “I want you to follow the path God has for you. I care about you and love you deeply. God hasn’t called to me yet, but if/when he does I’ll go.” I witnessed to him about Jesus and the true sacredness of sex for over an hour, and he truly listened and sat. I explained to him that God is always relentlessly pursuing us; we need to pursue Him. He said he’s going to try to go to church this summer. He’s been praying and asking his mom to pray.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            I called his mom and did very strong intercessory prayer for him. She cried on the phone. She said “I’m blessed that my son has someone praying so strongly for him. I feel such peace with you in his life. I don’t know if God has you as just a seed planter or an actual future permanent relationship with my son, but I love you and am so grateful for you.”

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            So he says he’s unsure about the wait for sex until marriage, and he’s scared of that commitment. I’m 19 and he is 20. I want to get married young. I’ll be a sophomore in college next year and he’ll be a junior in college. I still don’t know what I’m doing- I’ve had advice from Christian mentors to transfer to let him find God on his own, but I don’t think that should be a reason to transfer. I truly love him. He knows my boundaries. We have gone to church together before. It’s difficult because we both crossed the sexual boundary early in the relationship when I wasn’t following Jesus. I voiced my concern to his Christian mom about being unequally yoked, and she said “I’d really be wary or the judgment. He’s not an ‘unbeliever.’ He was baptized, accepted Jesus Christ as Savior, and attended Sunday School when he was young. He is a critical thinker. He may not be walking the walk right now, but I’d be careful using Scriptures out of context. He is loyal to a fault and he always fears disappointing others.” It really spoke to me when she said this. Now he and I are talking again. We have kissed, but we aren’t boyfriend and girlfriend. It’s a very difficult situation with a lot of mixed emotions. He knows where I stand now with God. He also said that sometimes I come across judgmental and too preachy, and he gets overwhelmed. And I realized this and truly apologized. He said “show people the love of Christ through your actions and peace in Him, not laying down all these rules on them right away.” And regardless of whether he knew it or not, the Holy Spirit was speaking through him to me. I have cried out to God for him every day. I’ve prayed for him every day, and am in touch with his Christian mother. I can’t leave him. I can’t do that, not after everything we’ve been through. And when I left he said he felt like he was turning from God because he wondered why God would have us break up. He knows God is there and he believes Jesus Christ is Savior, so he is saved. He’s just not walking the walk right now. He’s caught up in parties, drinking, swearing, and his rugby team. Yet there’s so much fruit in him. He’s not perfect; neither am I by any means. I still swear like a trucker if I stub my toe! But I see more fruit in him than any man I’ve ever known. He puts others before himself. He is truthful. He supports and encourages those around him. He tried to prevent a girl friend of his from dropping out. He’s had a very difficult college experience freshman year of college with a roommate on acid who tried to kill him and was arrested. He became depressed for a period of time and has body dysmorphia, even though he is extremely muscular and looks like Superman.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            I am so torn. Christian mentors and people are telling me to not be with him (“unequally yoked”). But they don’t know the full story. They don’t know his life and his desires. I truly know God is calling out to him. His mom is taking him to a male Christian bodybuilder chiropractor this summer which I pray will become his mentor because he needs Christian men in his life. I agree that a lot of Christians are extremely judgmental towards people they assume to be or call “unbelievers” when they don’t know their hearts or lives, and saying this to someone who doesn’t have a personal relationship with Jesus actually makes them feel condemned and turns them away from God. Our job as Christians is to love EVERYONE. Please keep me and this man in your prayers and feel free to give any advice. Thank you!

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