The following article, Sexual Feelings of Christian Single Women, was written by a single Christian woman who is also a mental health professional. The writer thought it important that single Christian men, in their fight against lust and quest for sexual purity in dating relationships, understand how the sexual feelings of Christian single women work:
I just want to say to all the Christian men who think single Christian women don’t think as much about sex as you do – we do. We also struggle with masturbation as you do. We just romanticize and emotionalize it a bit more. Romance novels are an emotional stimulus that has an end result similar to porn; so do Cosmo and Glamor magazines. This is because emotional and intellectual connections are generally more of what turn women on.
As a woman who was sexually abused in her own home at a very young age, I have struggled a lot with sexual impurity and guilt that my mind fantasizes about my current Christian boyfriend. Long before I met my boyfriend, I went to counseling for years (because of the abuse) and now am a mental health professional. Yet, I know from my professional background that in spite of all my healing, there are just some changes in my brain and my chemistry from childhood that just make me a more sexual person than I otherwise would have been.
I was tired of the guilt and just spoke to my boyfriend about my sexual fe fantasies and he told me he has similar fantasies. We prayed together that God would help us remain in control of ourselves and our sexual urges because we want to save sex for marriage. We also set up rules for ourselves that would keep us from getting into situations that would give us means and opportunity (because the motive – temptation – is there). Everyone’s different, so details of this are micromanagement, but I think every couple that is dating exclusively (especially Christian couples) should have a sex talk, and share what their insights are as far as setting up fences long before the cliff as not to tip toe until over the edge.
When a Christian single girl learns over time to trust a man that is willing to work with her for the sake of putting Christ first in the relationship (e.g., above sexual feelings and impulses), she is much more free to experience herself and her man as who they fully are, relaxing and knowing that he does not intend to pressure her into sex, either directly or just by exploring her with his hands in ways that tempt her.
For Christian single women, when we deeply connect with a man on other levels (emotional, intellectual, spiritual) we feel a strong need (our own yearning) and obligation (to please) to reciprocate, sexually. Our temptation is to use sex to get more love (remember how much we women romanticize) from a man and validate the love we are already feeling from him. As leaders, Christian men can reassure us of their love, commitment, and devotion that will not fade when we choose not to go all the way during temptation. That is, the world tells we women if we don’t have sex with a man, we’ll lose him to someone else who will, or that we owe men sex in return for pursuing us and sweeping us off our feet. It’s a crock (if the men are decent and worth being with anyway), but some of it sinks in now and then.
A Christian man who puts Christ and participating in Christian service/ministry might see dating as an opportunity to show a woman that he is willing to devote himself to her like Christ did to the church. This perspective might come from knowing that Christ gave to the church more (= to love, devotion, romantic pursuit from a man to a woman) before expecting the church to understand how to receive and give back to Him (= to sexually giving from a woman to a man) and it was all in the context of the deepest of commitments (= to marriage).
God bless all you men who care enough about your relationships with women and with Christ to read this feminine perspective. I hope I have helped you see a little more into what women need and that you can be the best men God intended you to be.
Related Articles:
Looking to Find a Christian Wife
Sex Life of Christian Singles
Christian Dating Service
38 Comments
Kamille
I can definitely relate to and agree with this story on sexual feelings. As a Christian single woman I recently broke up with my boyfriend for the 80th time and it’s because I was not sure about God’s will for our relationship. So now I am in a place where I just want to know God’s will for my life in this area, and I told him we should just be friends. I know that putting God first is the most important thing I can do and maybe this is a test so that He can teach me to lean on him for the answers in my life instead of my own understanding. I welcome any wise replies.
Cell
I feel like you as well.. hopefully you’ve been able to fix the problem since Feb. I am recently with a guy who I am also not sure of. We have broken up several times too. He is a really nice guy and loves the Lord. He has also proven to me that he loves me and respects me alot. We’ve been in many situations of almost being completely intimate and he’s respected me 100% but I do feel quilty when we fore play. I know we should wait unto we are married but it is really hard. Especially I that I have not had sex yet. If you get this comment please feel free to write to me. God BLess 🙂
Menow
First let me respond to you Cell on Sexual Feelings of Single Women…..
All things are possible through God. When he comes into your life and takes control he will remove all those sexual desires from your heart. Now that you are on the right road don’t let Satan turn you around by letting your earthly desires cause you spiritual pain.
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and when we started dating we were having sex. In just a year God has changed that for me. I have always wanted to do what was right but it was Hard. So i prayed and i prayed and i just let God have his way in my life. Since he came in, he has removed all sexual desires from me. I thought it was just amazing to see how he works. It is something when someone tells you about his works, but when you can see it firsthand it really makes a difference.
Now my bf, on the other hand is not on the same spiritual level that i am on. that is causing a major problem in our relationship. He says that he understands but he still continues to ask me for sex. just two weeks ago i told him that i didn’t want to be with him anymore because i was tired of telling thim the same thing over and over and over. He begged and pleaded and said that he understood and i gave him another chance and he is already getting back on my bad side. But i am being strong for ME!
So much for him………………!
I want you to really pray and ask God for strength so that you can overcome this sex thing. Take it one step at a time and believe in The Lord and yourself. You CAN DO IT!!!
HE tells us in the word that he will give us our heart desires, so if your heart desires to wait for sex until marriage, pray for it and watch him work.
Okwee
This is a great article especially coming from a lady. Am a guy and most of the time we think its only the guys who fantasize about sex in the relationship. What ladies dont know is that guys are also inundated with severe guilt once they have sex otuside marriage. Regret sets in and they begin avoiding the girl. God has called us all to purity. If you value something, you will protect it and take good care of it. Some time back i always used to look at women from a sexual perspective. Then i read a book called “Gift Wrapped by God”(..which incidentally is written for single ladies). This completely changed my perspective of women. The woman/or man close to your heart is Gods gift to you. A precious gift that will last a lifetime. Dont ruin the party before time. God bless you all.
Charles
Hi Menow….
Say, I’d like to offer some input on this discussion…..
In regard to sexual feelings, I think that the idea that we are just to pray that sexual desire should go away is not quite the biblical approach. The bible has two solutions….. One: Marriage. That’s the first thing it recommends for sexual temptation, and many of the catechisms list “undue delay of marriage” as a sin against the seventh commandment.
Second: Mortification. Mortification implies not that the desire just goes away. I might as well pray that the desire for food will go away, and if your desire has truly gone away, then there is perhaps something physically malfunctioning, because God made that part of us, and He made it to work. But mortification implies that I still have the desire, and so have to PUT IT TO DEATH…. that is… completely deny it. “If ye, through the Spirit, do mortify the deeds of the flesh ye shall live”. Also…. I totally understand about failing in this area. Back in 2003 I failed in this area on three occasions during a months time. But there are many verses which speak of how we will not inherit the kingdom of God if we live in fornication, (ICor.6:9, Eph.5:5-7, Gal.5:17-21, etc), and I came to the point where I had to apply this to myself, and tell myself… “Charles, if you are going to live in this sin, then I must call in question the safety of my spiritual state”. It was shortly after that that God gave me true repentance, which I have walked in ever since, despite having pushed some of the borders of chastity in times of weakness. But even that eventually went by the way-side.
Rather than think that we can get our desires to go away, I am proposing that the bible solution is to have to constantly put them to death… to be yielded to the Holy Spirit who gives us life and power to DIE, and say NO to sin, as impossible as that can seem in ourselves. I hope this is a blessing to the believers here.
Charles
SistahM
Sex is a gift from God and is for marriage. Yes, single folks have sexual desires, and here is a way to deal with them;Thank God for showing you that you have desires for a mate that He will introduce you to,, but as Him to quiet them down or put them to sleep until you are married. These desires will wake up from time to time but you can overcome them with the same request, and by keeping your focus on God. This is bringing the flesh under subjection. Don’t pray for the desire to die or be killed off…why would you want to kill a gift from God? What do you think will happen when you get married and you have no real desire for your mate? Can you say NOTHING? Thank You God for the sexual feelings that let me know that I have feelings and desires for my mate, and am desired by him (whenever he comes into my life). In Jesus name i pray. Amen
Mike hucul
Hi my name is Mike and I’m grateful for this article. I’m so glad that a female was able to shed some light on this topic, that can be for the sake of being a “christian” be so misunderstood and misrepresented.
I too was abused as a child and the bio chemical reaction my body and mind has when it comes to sex is amazingly different. It tries to bring balance to the trauma I suffered through the sexual experience. All the intense feelings God created for me to have are used to try and heal me also.
I also believe its important to discuss these particulars when getting involved in a relationship. I think it’s important to stress that I would prefer to not have sex before marriage. This tends to take the pressure off the. Thanks,
God bless
Mike
esme
Seriously, I don’t mean to sound like a hater but this is ridiclulous. When are we christians going to tell the truth about the issues with sex. Yes I know that the word states you are to wait until marriage befor sex. 90% of people have had sex before marriage. 90%!. This senseless preaching about holding out is waste of time. We need ton be teaching our kids that it is okay to marry at 21 if you have a chance to. I not saying that you should marry anyone but don’t wait for the “perfect” scenario. It ain’t going to happen. Sex is a natural thing and the desires we have are real. Just don’t hold yourself to the point where you are doing perverted things. It will come out!
Angela
Thank you for the article. I too was raped as a teenager, when it cmes to sex. I have always thrown myself to men so cheaply, and become wounded and hurt after the act. Now as a christain, I am much better, I know Christ took away my pain and shame. I believe sex between couples should be after marriage. It is worthwhile waiting even when is not so pleasant to wait.
Chased
By the Grace of God, I was never sexually abused growing up. And by that same Grace, I have maintained virginity as a Christian woman. That isn’t to say that sexual desires are not in me though. I was glad to read the prospective of other Christian singles that agree that our desires are a gift from the Lord. Also that they ought to be completely denied before the time is right to fulfill them within the protection of marriage. I think of God as a manufacturer who equips us physically with all that we need for our mate when we come into this world. Our character has to be built up in the mean time and so we must learn to deny the feelings that are reserved for our mate. In doing so, we are able to give them everything they deserve and vice-versa (sp?)
Disclaimer~ “This is easier said than done”
Esther
My name is esther,am 20, born again xstian and am single.i dont want to get involved with anyone coz i want to take time investing in ma personal growth,so that i wil hav so much more 2 give 2 someone someday but ma sexual feeling and desires are very strong.how do i overcome this temptation coz going agaist Gods will is wot hurts me most. Please advise!
Faye
I agree with Charles. In the fact that those sexual desires do not just go away. I had to stop reading christian, yes christian, romance novels because I could no longer keep my thoughts pure. The only time that I didn’t struggle with these thoughts was when I was concentrating on my college degree and told myself that a guy would make me lose focus on graduating. But I’ve been done for a while and that doesn’t work anymore. I’m at the point that I do want to settle down and those sexual desires are more prevelent now that I’m in a relationship. We’ve talked about boundaries but it’s still a struggle. And for the amount of time that I have been waiting it is harder and harder to say no because I want to give in. I want to experience what other married couples are experiencing.
Women struggle with sexual desires just as much as men but we can’t divulge this to anyone because its a taboo subject. And if we do bring it up we are less of a person because we struggle with these desires and only guy’s have these kinds of problem. We have to be real with each other and stop slapping the perfect christian answer bandaid on the issue. Its a daily walk that we should take with eachother and not be afraid to ask the hard questions and be willing to not judge because of their struggle but to walk along side of them and encourage them and love on them.
I also agree that in whatever relationship you are in you should have the sex boundary talk and stick to them. Because for me when I feel comfortable and safe around someone I let my guard down and it is really easy to go there without having an internal alarm go off to stop me.
Through all of this a book that gave me a different perspective on us as sexual beings was “Sex God” by Rob Bell.
biruk
I also agree that in whatever relationship you are in you should have the sex boundary talk and stick to them. Because for me when I feel comfortable and safe around someone I let my guard down and it is really easy to go there without having an internal alarm go off to stop me.
Narda
about not being sure of who is God’s will for you:
scripture says:
Do not conform any longer to the patterns of this world but be transformed by the renewal of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is – His GOOD, PLEASING & PERFECT will. Romans 12:2 (NIV)
hope that helps.
sophya l.
i have been struggling with this and would like to know what others think. i’m 42 years old and have been doing just that waiting …and waiting …and waiting for The Lord to send me the right perso- but years go by and all the prayers that i’ve prayed for most of my adult life in this regard have never been answered. Everyone thinks that i’m such a catch and so moral but …it’s very very hard to see others even much younger than i get married and have a family but the thing is they do have sex before marriage and go on to have wonderfully full & rich lives filled with happiness and love. i on the other hand can’t seem to find that because most men won’t even bother with me once they know that i have had & still have certain boundaries in this regard. i really am romantically lonely and tired of waiting & mentally it’s affecting my confidence as an adult woman…sorry to sound so negative but it’s the way i have been feeling for years. any insights…
Phidelia
What i would like to say is that keep waiting on God and he will fulfill his promise am not saying it is easy but he will help you. those you think had sex before marriage would not come and tell you the some things are not going right because some people pretend. as far as am concerned there are consequences if you do sleep before marriage according to Hebrews:4:13 and other several passages in Proverbs so it would be better to obey the word of God because if you dont get the consequences now your children would. I was born out of wedlock and I faced challenges for what was not my fault until I was prayed for in church. Though am single i believe God that the man is on the way besides I have submitted my body to the holyspirit to help to avoid sexual temptations so any time I face such an issue he give me the strength to stay away. this is the little I have to say. you can also contact KICC.org.uk and ask the CD called lets talk about sex and once you have the knowledge you can deal this.
Goa
I jx turnd 26 n stil a virgin.I admit i hav strng sexual desires esp durin my ovulatn.Sexual desire is normal n nt devilish,i agree wit Rom 12:2.we hav 2 renew our minds n its a daily practice.i hav made up my mind neva 2 hav sex no mata e desire until marriage n am trustin God 2 marry soon.Lets focus on the crown of life 4 our God is faithful.God bless y’all.
James
I very much agree with Phidelia, If some one is real a born again Christian, God will help you to get away from sex. It does not mean that you can not come across with temptations, what you need to do is pray to God and ask the Holy Spirit to show the tactics satan uses, for example satan may use a very beautiful lady to come to you, and definitely she will flirt to you leading to sex.
Let me be clear, I am not saying that normal talk between men and women should be avoided). But, the Holy Spirit will guide you and sometimes tell you that satan is using the lady to get you trapped.
Generally, when you see a lady may depend on how she appears you can show appreciation in your heart, it is like the way you can say some one has got a nice car, but it does not mean that you want it. It will be a sin if on your mind you strip someone necked and take her to bed, that is sin.
And sex before marriage, it is sin. Please, wait until God gives you the right partner and through prayers you can stay for years and abstain from sex.
May God Bless you.
WinCe
Just an encouragement to all the guys reading this regarding pornography…if I am right, the majority of Christian guys struggle with this and totally hate it too! I am in my mid-thirties now and have been involved in it since my teens. It ranges from struggling with it multiple times weekly to one period when I did not do it for 10 months! If you’ve tried just about everything and failed, the tried and tested solution is ACCOUNTABILITY. When things are hidden in the dark they cannot be properly addressed, but when things are exposed by the light there is no hiding. I recently started dating several months ago a wonderful Christian girl with a heart of gold. When we got to a certain point in our relationship I felt that this issue had to be out in the open. In the past I’ve had trouble even telling my closest Christian buddies because of the shame, but somehow I felt I could be totally honest with this girl and that she would still love and accept me. While she was shocked at first, she quickly affirmed her support for me to get over this. It’s been about a month now and I’ve been in the clear! Guys I encourage you to be open with your partners. They may get angry at first, but if you are genuinely willing to work towards a porn-free life, they should be supportive of this. Ladies, if he is genuine about quitting, show your support, he needs your help.
So confused
I have been saved for little longer than a year now and have not been single in that time. I am in a relationship. I would kill to be single because if there is no one in your life, the temptation is less.
Sometimes i wish i could break up with my boyfriend but then i dont know how. We are intimate, and it really kills me because of the guilt. I wish that i could be a single lady.
It’s better to be away from the temptation. Once there is a guy in your life the pressure will be too much.
An Unmarried Christian Woman Who Cares
Dear So Confused,
I am praying for you and rejoice that you are saved. It is easier not to be tempted when you are not in a relationship but since you are I will pray that God gives you the wisdom and strength to do what is right. Please pray to God also for this same wisdom and strength.
Your Sister in Christ.
Okada
Hello!
Thank you all for this article and comments – they helped me because it was only today that I wondered if my occasional sexual desires were OK.
I am a 18-year old female, and I’ve been in Lord for less than a year… Earlier I’ve dated one Christian guy for several months but now that it’s over I feel much better(in terms of sexuality and temptations). We didn’t even kiss (except for cheeks) but we did hug each other and sometimes he massaged my ears – and this was really tempting to me that I even got aroused a couple of times…
After we broke up I spent some time reading 1 Corinthians 7 where Paul writes about the choice between celibacy and marriage. I understand that celibacy is better because one can TOTALLY devote oneself to the Lord, but these sexual desires and the fight between Spirit and flesh leads me to think I’d like to get married… So now I don’t plan anything and just pray that God will do HIS will, which will be the best for me, either it be marriage or celibacy…
It is widely accepted that women are stimulated by their feelings or touches, not by the sight. I also thought it was so until yesterday. One guy from my university was wearing very tight jeans and a tight T-shirt and this caused a new battle inside of me… So, guys, be careful with your clothes, too! Be graceful towards us your sisters!)
May God support you in your inner struggles!
mandy
Uh, hmm. the Word of God is really clear on this folks, its a Christian no brainer–no sex outside of marriage–in otherwords, no fornication, no adultery, no living together outside of marriage, no fooling around. Sexual feelings getting the best of you, drop to your knees and pray. go to Christ. make up your mind to be in His path, follow His lead, you will never have to worry about STD’s, hurting someone you love, feelings of guilt, shame. there are plenty of great things to do and life to be enjoyed without sex. trust me. I am abstinent for over 9 years–since my divorce and haven’t felt like I am missing anything-except guilt, shame, sadness and the emptiness doing things outside of Christ always leads to.
Jenna
Women have been brought up to put emotion into sex but this is not innate.I know so many women that have outright sexual needs and even look at porn and also ojectify the men.Women have the same problems that men do about desire but churches hold on to all the old myths about women.This needs to be addressed because so many women have the same exact problems men so.Women don’t talk about though because of fear of ridicule especially by other women who are usually very uptight about sex.
Women are visual also and have this same issue as men.Let’s get rid of the old myths and live in reality.
Rachel
That is a myth.A healthy woman does not romanitze sex,a neurotic one does.There is nothing innate in a woman that makes her want love more,it’s a sterotype.Women especially Christian women have been brought up to deny sexual needs because Christian men can’t stand a sexual woman,they see her as too strong willed for them.It’s sad that people think this way because it ruins relationships.We are all from Earth,no more Mars and Venus because that is a pop psychology lie.
Also this thing about women not being visual is nonsense too.
Connie
Every church I have attended believes men struggle with sexual needs while women do not.I’m extremely frustrated by this attitude.They tell the women,”your relatioship is with Jesus,but the men get help with temptation.The scenario is “women can life without sex because sex is for men to cement a relationship to a woman but women only need leadership,therefore the women are told “pray pray pray”.The churches also tell women we aren’t visual but only interested in finding love.I’m sick of it.There isn’t help out there in the church for the women.I’m sick of Christianity really because the religion refuses to view women as sexual people.
mia
Charles,
I know you wrote your comment a few years ago, but if you ever re-read this page, just want to say thanks for the encouragement from scripture.
I absolutely agree that sexual desire doesn’t just go away; I think it will always be a struggle to put to death fleshly desires, and a part of our need to take up the cross in our daily walk.
Faye, it is such a sad truth that even to this day, sexual desire is thought to be a predominantly male trait amongst many church leaders-especially talks coming from happily married men, which is incredibly frustrating sometimes.
I’ve had a happy, normal childhood, no abuse, and yet I struggle with sexual desire to the point where I try not to have male friends, especially those that aren’t Christians, because the temptation to sin is so strong. That doesn’t make me abnormal, I’m sure different people have different levels of sex drive for whatever reasons, or whether that’s just how God made them.
Thanks for the article, it was quite an eye-opener for me to realise (or at least, be reminded) that forming a connection with a guy on an emotional, intellectual and/or spiritual level could lead to the development of deeper sexual desire…as a result I will be on my guard a bit better in future so as to avoid walking down that road of temptation.
Cheers,
Mia
Sharon
I am 64 year old born again Christian, still waiting on God to provide me my mate.
No longer am I waiting so that I can have a family, but
now I am waiting for someone to grow old with.
Due to abuse when I was younger, I went until I was 40 years old with not an ounce of sexual drive or need for the opposite sex, other then my wanting and praying for my soul mate. (Yes I did have a physical need, but not an attraction for a man or any other for that mater, therefore I will not explain further, other then to say I self contained.)
When I turned 38, realizing that God intended me to be alone all my life, I spent 24 years in growing with God and
attempting to suppress natural physical urges. It was not easy and I was not always successful.
When I turned 62, that all came to an end and I developed feelings that are totally natural and normal
and directed toward the opposite sex.
When this happened I began to look for the mate that God would provide for me to grow old with.
I had 3 stipulations.
1. He had to be a widower, never yet married, or divorced because she cheated on him.
2. He had to be a Christian.
3. He had to respect my wishes for no sex before
marriage.
Now…. can you possibly imagine a 50 + man going to respect #3?
It does not matter.
I have such a mental hangup on this point that I have
developed a problem called vaginismus. (Google it)
A very real problem as it seems that from my youth and trouble there, and now with my desire to remain chaste
until marriage, my mind is blocking any possibility for
sex before marriage.
Yes it is treatable, but will require my partners help… and for me meaning husband… and I ask you, what man in his right mind would marry a woman who needs help in that department, much less in the 50+ age group.
I say this only because while it is tremendously wonderful for you girls to strive to remain pure until marriage, don’t let your quest cause you anything like
I have.
I am lonely and I have with… and will be a very lonely old woman.
Rach
Christian men don’t think women need sex in marriage or otherwise.The Bible Studies and churches don’t help either when they help men with sexual temptation but discount women as the desired but not desirer.Then they put the gult trip on women when they say women don’t need sex as much as men…wrong!Another thing is it’s a myth that women romantize more about sex.In reality women think about it the same way men do but feel uncomfortable telling anyone about this.
Also Christian men always think women aren’t as visual,,,wrong! of course women are AS visual plus it differs from individual to individual not gender related.
There’s too many obstables to get through with Christian guys because they are SO SEXIST!
Rach
Connie,whow are you right! It’s a problem with most churches.I’ve come to my witts end with the Christian male attitude that sex is just for males because they believe women are a sexless childish weaker vessel who needs love but not sex.There’s nothing in the Bible which gives me any notiion that women need sex too.The whole “love your wives ” thing is blah and boring to me and I find it rather insulting,because it gives me a notion that the Bible thinks women are empty love junkies with no sex drive.
In chatts online the Christian males are always whining about women not being dressed modestly enough,but men should be modest too! Then the guys whine about how they can’t controll themselves but women can.No it’s just as tough for women to controll ourselves.This just frustrates me to no end!
Rach
Sharon, God didn’t attend for you to be alone.Just because you didn’t find someone yet,doesn’t mean you never will.Many women I know didn’t find marriage til they were 50.No kids but marriage doesn’t have to be about having kids.Don’t give up.:) There’s someone out there for you,just keeping trying.
Love
Am feeling so terrible,guity and sinful.i’v been in this relationship for the past 7 years.we’r both virgins,we’ll be 30 yrs old by may.but we’v been intimate and we foreplay.if not for His grace we would hav had sex.i really want to stop but i keep finding myself in it.and we cant continue sin and grace should abound.pls help me out.
don waltman
Praying for your soul mate and waiting years? Where in scripture does it say “do nothing” while waiting? Yes we hear those stories about how God just brought these two eternally happy people together. That doesn’t mean that is going to happen for the rest of us. Christians should be actively searching for a partner as well as improving strategies to make the search most effective.
God gave us the ability to think, act and to be shrewd in so doing- use it.
forrest rainwater
love is a feeling, it is what you search for that isn’t inside
or out, love is not athing it is what you hold in your heart. love is the medecine for a broken heart, love is the girl who a man cares for is a gift within the heart. love is from the only lord the the savior that saved us from sin but, most of all it’s love at first site
DAVID ENOBUN
i am ayoung man of 34yrs, not yet married. a pastor by calling and biziness man by profession, iam presentely in a finicial mess bisiness wis. but every were i go for counceling, they keep telling me my blessing is hooked to the woman i will mayy, so i am using this medium to look for that woman. i am decipline, God fearing, but i just need to settle down. can this be possible on the internet.
James Edmundson
I’m I’m looking for a ne for a new wife I am separated right I am separated right now listeooki looking soon to get a divorce Google women come from a good Christian woman can help me speak read the Bible really teach me picnic what I’m saying is help me study if I got a question and she knows what I need to know she can tell me
L
I am a christian single mom, and have never since I came to know the Lord stopped struggling with this issue. Before I was saved I was a sex addict, having been abused in childhood I was constantly handing myself over to men and women trying to fix the hurt I felt. Even after becoming saved I fell many times over this temptation, which is how I became a single mother.
Anybody who has been in this position of ‘fighting’ the temptation can probably relate that there is a cycle of feeling the temptation, struggling with it and inevitably giving in to it (whether it be through passive action ie porn or aggressive action ie having sex with someone), and then the guilt that comes afterwards tearing you away from God. I came to learn that it is this guilt, not necessarily the sin itself, that puts the wedge between myself and God. This helped me to realize that I was looking at the situation all wrong. As Charles stated, the urge is natural and most likely will never leave. The question we need to ask ourselves is, where in our lives are we in need of God’s love, yet are not turning to Him for fulfillment? Are we turning to this temptation because we are lonely? Are we bitter because we have been praying so long for a mate and God hasn’t ‘delivered’? Are we angry at God for not taking the desire from us? Perhaps our life isn’t going as we had hoped and planned and this sin is the only constant we know that will make us feel alive/beautiful/in control? Turn to God, ask Him to show you where you have been putting something else before Him, because in the end that is the root of all sin. I have noticed that when I strive to make God my number one focus, the temptation fades and loses its sting. 1 corinthians 10:13 says “No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it”.
Most of all, don’t turn to the world for justification. Everyone else will tell you that sex is the cure, the answer, the new way, that the Bible is outdated. God created us, He created our sex drives, and He knows what they are there for. Wrestle with Him over it, question Him, but most of all seek Him first and everything else will follow. I am so not perfect, this is almost a daily fiery battle for me lol, but His grace is sufficient and it helps me remember how much I need Him.
Daisy
hello
I am really struggling in the fornication sin
my boyfriend is 28yrz am 20
.We talked severally with my bf about this and made decisions to stop it ,sometime i set a strong decision by my self without telling Him but still i fall back to sin because my bf isn’t saved but he goes to church. i love him so much. i have reached to a point and pray to God to forgive us and also to view us as married couple.
Guys Help