The casual dating versus courtship love debate rages on in some conservative Christian circles. Ever since Joshua Harris’ bestselling book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye came out, this question has come to the forefront: Should Christian singles interested in the opposite sex practice casual dating or Christian courtship?
But let’s pose another question that cuts to the heart of the matter: Which model, casual dating or courtship, has better end results viz-a-viz pre-marital sex, domestic violence, infidelity and divorce rates?
Both sides voice their highly dogmatic views, but the raw truth of the matter is that we simply don’t yet know the answer. It’s going to take several decades before Christian social scientists can measure what real difference, if any, the modern courtship love movement has made on marriages and families. Until then, I believe both sides should put James 1:19 into practice: “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to listen, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”
By the way, what do most single Christians feel about the issue? They’re mostly apathetic and the vast majority date in traditional ways as their parents and grandparents did.
For our part, Christian Dating Service PLUS does not believe in the concept of casual dating because we feel:
- A romantic relationship should never be an end in itself, but should have the goal of working toward marriage. Additionally, if the couple are single Christians, we would expect that this relationship would be under the lordship of Jesus.
However, we also believe there is a place for traditional dating outside the teen years, and so don’t feel the courtship and dating issue needs to be couched as an either/or proposition. The best of dating and courtship can be combined.
Are you a singles pastor or Christian single with a different take on casual dating and courtship? Please help other singles sharing your views on courtship and love.
Related Links:
Kissing an Online Christian Dating Service Hello
5 Comments
Christian Teens, Dating and Sex « Christian… Pingback
[…] One of my friends who ministers to Christian Teen girls and boys recently lamented: “Christian teens are confused. They get preached to endlessly about things like courtship and dating, and the dangers of having sex before marriage, but have little real leadership by example from those at home or in the church. No wonder a large number of Christian teens get discouraged, and leave the church when they go to college.” Hello! If you are a Christian teen (or older Christian single) who feels like you really blew it with God, and don’t know where to turn, remember the Heavenly Father is always willing to accept you where you are (1 John 1:9). You can also go to Him 24/7. Really. […]
Larry Phillips
The biggest issue that Christians are forgeting about is this: It is not about us, or our happiness, it’s about God. When we surrender our lives to God, He will call all the shots in your life. Every part of your life belongs to the Lord Jesus. Your lovelife, worklife, sexlife, homelife, churchlife, everything. If your life is committed to serving Jesus, and He determines you need a helpmate, He will send one.
funlovingguy
Casual dating or courtship dating can suit different single Christians at different stages in their lives. It’s not something to feel ashamed about as long as it doesn’t go against your beliefs or the laws that govern a sane and proper society. Enjoy your casual dating adventures to the fullest because there are a lot of worse things than that.
jojo
well, casual dating 2 me has 2 come b/4 courtship dating (though not in all cases), so i really don’t know wot d arguement is all abt, but i think in any kind of dating we engage in, sex shld be completely ruled out. try n imagine if jesus wld like wot ur doing with ur date.
M.D. Smith
I can harmonize with some of the comments here.
Being a man who was born again at the age of 18 and married shortly before my 22nd birthday and still happily blessed married to my wife of almost 20 years and three kids in their teens, The best advise I can give to singles (of which I did when I was) is to love Jesus first and foremost. Christ is the giver of life and life is what we christians seek. Seek Him, find Him, love Him, trust Him and adore Him. Once you are in that place, where Christ is your true love, will He not give you your hearts desire since your heart’s desire is to love Him and His eternal ways? The Lord knows your deepest hearts desire and needs.
A few months ago, my 17 year old son met a young christian maiden of 14. He brought her to the house to introduce us to her.
After a few weeks of talking on the phone and spending supervised time with her, he told me that she is the one, the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. We prayed together for some time and I would daily ask him if he is sure about her and is the Lord giving him a peace about her. I would occasionally ask her how she felt about marriage and if she felt the same for my son and I asked her to seek the Lord about it. After more weeks had passed I gave him permission to announce his intentions to her parents and to give her a promise ring. We’ve since then had many talks at the dinner table, she and her family have been going to the same Sunday and Wednesday church with us and our son has been spending time with her family and she with us and both families spending time together as one big family. Both of our families are comitted to help these two young folks with their walk with the Lord, management of time, supervised visitations and to each other. Raising teens is hard enough, raising two courting teens is a downright challenge, but it’s Christ centered and the labor involved can be very hard and we know that the outcome, if we all stay focused on God’s word, will be life more abunduntly.
What I have told my kids, and this is what I learned and did as a young man, was to make friends with both brothers and sisters in the Lord, and one day, the Lord will reveal to you something special about one of your friends of the opposite sex, something that sets them apart from the rest, Pursue godliness and that beauty of the inner man. Give that person whole heartedly to the Lord as your own heart and likewise the other and God will not dissapoint.
Love in Christ,
Michael