Whether you are a Christian single couple in a courtship or an online dating relationship, how you break up a relationship will be emotionally painful for both of you. If you are contemplating a break up of your dating relationship, considering the following dating advice may help you avoid a wrong decision while making it as easy and painless as possible.
6 Christian dating Advice Tips on How to BreakUp and Ending a Relationship
Ask the Lord for wisdom ( see James 1:5)
As a single Christian, praying for guidance and wisdom in the matter of a breakup should be the very first course of action before making any dating decisions. You will be less likely to make a mistake if you do so.
Discuss the dating break-up possibility with family and friends
God often leads through our parents’ dating advice, even if they are not Christians. Proverbs teach that there is wisdom in using a multiplicity of counselors, so also discuss the possibility of a break up with trusted Christian friends. They may very well give you some much-needed advice that helps you make a decision or puts the relationship in a completely different light. Be sure to use these valuable resources.
Be honest, but speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15)
Never bash your dating partner personally, which will only hurt them even more and affect their self-worth for quite some time. Do you really want to do that? Instead, tenderly explain why you feel God’s leading you to end the relationship. As you do this, remember the “Golden Rule”, and how it would feel if someone was breaking up with you.
While face-to-face conversation allows for far better closure, if that is not possible, a handwritten letter is the next best thing. A typed or emailed “Dear John” letter is seen as cold and mean.
Don’t delay the inevitable
Okay, you’ve prayed over the breakup. You’ve discussed the issues with family, minister, and friends. You know what you need to do. Delaying the obvious now will not only cause more pain for both of you but will delay the healing process. By acting now, you give the Lord opportunity to begin leading both of you to the soulmates He has in mind.
Many delay breakups because they may be using the other person until “something better” comes along. Another reason for delayed breakups is that the other person is manipulating by putting the person who wants the break up on a “guilt trip” to remain in an unhealthy dating situation.
Make a clean break
Right, this is going to be hard, but you must be strong here because it is in the best interests of both to move forward. This means after the break up there should be no face-to-face meetings (if possible), no emails, telephone calls, letters, etc. While some couples may agree to remain friends, the data suggests that in over 90% of breakups, this fails miserably, and only lengthens the healing process.
Learn from the dating experience
Use this dating experience to learn from your mistakes, and build on the future. What has the Lord taught you about yourself? What has he taught you about what you need in a husband or a wife? If you’ve sexually sinned in this relationship, remember Jesus forgives and cleanses (1 John 1:9). Finally, thank Him for the bright plans He has for you (Jer. 29:11).
Dating after a breakup of a serious relationship can be a tricky experience for any single, Christian or not. Self esteem issues, rejection, and the ever lurking possibility of rebound relationships are things singles need to be cognizant of after reentering the dating world after a breakup.
Do you think you are ready for dating after a breakup? Most experts in the field suggest daters wait at least a year after they break up, whether you’re thinking about dating after a divorce or coming out of a dating relationship that lasted for more than 1 year. Consider the following questions as you ponder if you are ready for dating after a breakup.
DATING AFTER A BREAKUP TIPS
- Do you hold bitterness or an unforgiving spirit toward your ex-dating partner?
- Were you sexually active during your relationship?
- Do you have dreams of getting back with him or her?
Answering yes to any of the above means you are DEFINITELY not ready to get back into the dating market. If you feel you pass the test and are ready to date again, here are some tips:
First of all, now that you are single take some time to enjoy your freedom. Whatever you do, don’t rush to get into another relationship just because you want to be in one. You will only cause hurt feelings and broken hearts. Take some time to move on and think about what you are looking for in a relationship.
Remember to accept other people that you date for who they are. Some people look for somebody exactly like their ex and reject everyone who is different. Other people try to avoid anybody who reminds them of their ex. Just accept people for who they are and if you feel a connection, don’t be scared to enter a relationship, and do not compare people to your ex.
Don’t expect a date to end up in a long-term relationship. If you do this, you will be setting yourself up for another fall. Remember that you cannot act the same way with a new person as you did with your ex, but don’t hesitate to enjoy yourself and do the same activities that you did with your ex before the relationship became very serious.
Above all have fun. If you cannot enjoy yourself because you are still too hurt, then you should hold off on dating for a while more.
Believe it or not, instead of dating issues the topic of relationship break ups takes up most of the mail we receive at Christian Dating Service Plus! I guess the reason for this is that relationship break ups are one of the most painful experiences to endure, right up there with unrequited love.
The fact is, relationship breakups cause lots of heartbreak, even when we know it wasn’t a healthy relationship and we probably should have dumped it a while back. Why do relationship breakups cause so much pain? It’s simple. Whenever we invest our time, money, and heart into someone it turns into major disappointment if a relationship breakup occurs.
Relationship Break Ups cause singles to grieve the loss in a number of ways:
- A relationship break up means loss of friendship
- A relationship break up involves the loss of a vision of “things that could have been”
- A relationship break up could entail loss of self esteem
Overall, no one should go through the break up of a serious relationship without help.
Are you single with dating advice to share about break ups? Feel free to comment here.