Knowing the top red flags in a Christian dating relationship is important, The problem is that many Christian singles ignore the silent red flags in a relationship and so stay longer than they should have. The top three reasons daters give for overstaying a romantic or dating relationship are as follows:
- Fear of being alone
- Fear and/or guilt over what the other person will feel or do
- Fear of exchanging the familiar for the unknown
Navigating the waters of dating and relationships can be a challenging endeavor. As Christians, we are called to approach this journey with intentionality, prayer, and discernment. While everyone’s dating experience is unique, there are certain ‘red flags’ to be aware of that may indicate an unhealthy or potentially harmful relationship. Recognizing these early on can save us heartache and guide us toward relationships that honor God and nourish our souls.
Red flags in a relationship
Here are some significant red flags to be aware of:
Unequally Yoked: 2 Corinthians 6:14 reminds us, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?” If your partner does not share your faith or shows disdain for your Christian beliefs, this can lead to significant challenges. A shared faith provides a foundation of mutual values and goals.
Lack of Respect: Proverbs 19:22 says, “What is desired in a man is steadfast love…” Respect is fundamental in any relationship. If your partner belittles your beliefs, mocks your choices, or tries to change fundamental aspects of who you are, it’s a clear sign of a lack of respect You may in fact be in an abusive relationship and not know it. An abusive relationship works in a cycle like this: The abuser commits the act, but then apologizes profusely. The other dating single forgives the incident, and the dating relationship continues. Unfortunately, the abuse cycle repeats itself over and over again.
Secrecy and Dishonesty: Proverbs 12:22 reads, “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in those who tell the truth.” Secrecy, especially about past relationships or current friendships, is concerning. Honesty is a cornerstone of trust, and without it, it’s challenging to build a solid relationship.
Avoidance of Community: It’s said, “It takes a village,” and this is true for relationships too. If your partner avoids or is resistant to meeting your family, friends, or church community, or if they isolate you from yours, this can be a warning sign. A healthy relationship thrives in community, drawing wisdom, support, and accountability from it.
Uncontrolled Anger: Proverbs 29:11 says, “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.” Occasional disagreements are natural, but if they’re frequently accompanied by explosive anger, aggressive behavior, or any form of abuse, it’s a serious red flag. Such behaviors can escalate, and it’s essential to prioritize your safety.
Lack of Boundaries: Boundaries are essential to protect our hearts and bodies. Song of Solomon 2:7 says, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” If your partner consistently pressures you to compromise your boundaries, especially in areas of physical intimacy, it shows a disregard for your convictions and comfort.
Uneven Commitment Levels: Relationships thrive on mutual commitment. If there’s a significant imbalance—whether one partner is rushing into a serious commitment too fast or is reluctant to commit at all—it can indicate underlying issues or a mismatch in relationship expectations.
Financial Irresponsibility: While money isn’t the foundation of love, financial irresponsibility can be a red flag. Proverbs 3:9-10 tells us to “Honor the Lord with your wealth…” Being responsible with resources, avoiding excessive debt without plans to address it, and being transparent about financial habits are vital for a healthy relationship.
Obsessive or Possessive Behavior: Love is not about possession but about mutual respect and freedom. If your partner becomes excessively jealous, checks on you obsessively, or tries to control where you go or who you meet, these are warning signs of possessive behavior.
Ignoring Spiritual Growth: A relationship that honors God should encourage spiritual growth. If time together detracts from personal devotions or church involvement, or if your partner is indifferent to spiritual disciplines, it might be cause for reflection.
Red Flags in a Christian
dating Relationship Questions
Does your dating partner verbally and/or physically abuse you?
Is your guy or girl overly controlling, possessive, or jealous? An example of this type of behavior: She wants to go out with her girlfriends, but he “won’t allow it”, or makes her feel guilty for doing so.
Do most of your family members and friends think you are making a huge mistake? Harmful dating relationships are easy to spot–unless you are the one in them! That’s why it’s important to listen, however difficult, to what the people close to us are saying.
Does either dating party lack trust in the other? No dating relationship, let alone a marriage, can survive without implicit trust and faithfulness.
Have you caught your dating interest lying about insignificant details? Remember, if your date finds it easy to lie about “little things”, he or she will certainly do so about the biggies.
Does the other person never seem to have time for you, or make excuses why you cannot be together? If this is the case you can be sure that there is either boredom or disinterest in the dating relationship.
Is he or she helping you get closer to Jesus, or causing you to sin and fall away? Have you fallen into sexual sin and/or lost your passion for Christ and His word?
Overall, remember the Lord is the one ultimately in charge of your dating relationship, and He promises to meet your every need (Phil. 4:19). He will lead you to the right person as you surrender to Him, but He also wants us to use our common sense. So use the above dating tips as common sense advice to help guide your dating relationship or situationship
Are you a single Christian with other dating relationship red flags to share? Please consider helping others by sharing your dating advice here.
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