Knowing the top red flags in a Christian dating relationship are important, The problem is that many Christian singles ignore the silent red flags in a relationship and so stay longer they should have. The top three reasons daters give for overstaying a romantic or dating relationship are as follows:
- Fear of being alone
- Fear and/or guilt over what the other person will feel or do
- Fear of exchanging the familiar for the unknown
Navigating the waters of dating and relationships can be a challenging endeavor. As Christians, we are called to approach this journey with intentionality, prayer, and discernment. While everyone’s dating experience is unique, there are certain ‘red flags’ to be aware of that may indicate an unhealthy or potentially harmful relationship. Recognizing these early on can save us heartache and guide us towards relationships that honor God and nourish our souls.
Red flags in a relationship
Here are some significant red flags to be aware of:
- Unequally Yoked: 2 Corinthians 6:14 reminds us, “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?” If your partner does not share your faith or shows disdain for your Christian beliefs, this can lead to significant challenges. A shared faith provides a foundation of mutual values and goals.
- Lack of Respect: Proverbs 19:22 says, “What is desired in a man is steadfast love…” Respect is fundamental in any relationship. If your partner belittles your beliefs, mocks your choices, or tries to change fundamental aspects of who you are, it’s a clear sign of a lack of respect You may in fact be in an abusive relationship and not know it. An abusive relationship works in a cycle like this: The abuser commits the act, but then apologizes profusely. The other dating single forgives the incident, and the dating relationship continues. Unfortunately, the abuse cycle repeats itself over and over again.
- Secrecy and Dishonesty: Proverbs 12:22 reads, “The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in those who tell the truth.” Secrecy, especially about past relationships or current friendships, is concerning. Honesty is a cornerstone of trust, and without it, it’s challenging to build a solid relationship.
- Avoidance of Community: It’s said, “It takes a village,” and this is true for relationships too. If your partner avoids or is resistant to meeting your family, friends, or church community, or if they isolate you from yours, this can be a warning sign. A healthy relationship thrives in community, drawing wisdom, support, and accountability from it.
- Uncontrolled Anger: Proverbs 29:11 says, “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.” Occasional disagreements are natural, but if they’re frequently accompanied by explosive anger, aggressive behavior, or any form of abuse, it’s a serious red flag. Such behaviors can escalate, and it’s essential to prioritize your safety.
- Lack of Boundaries: Boundaries are essential to protect our hearts and bodies. Song of Solomon 2:7 says, “Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires.” If your partner consistently pressures you to compromise your boundaries, especially in areas of physical intimacy, it shows a disregard for your convictions and comfort.
- Uneven Commitment Levels: Relationships thrive on mutual commitment. If there’s a significant imbalance—whether one partner is rushing into serious commitment too fast or is reluctant to commit at all—it can indicate underlying issues or a mismatch in relationship expectations.
- Financial Irresponsibility: While money isn’t the foundation of love, financial irresponsibility can be a red flag. Proverbs 3:9-10 tells us to “Honor the Lord with your wealth…” Being responsible with resources, avoiding excessive debt without plans to address it, and being transparent about financial habits are vital for a healthy relationship.
- Obsessive or Possessive Behavior: Love is not about possession but about mutual respect and freedom. If your partner becomes excessively jealous, checks on you obsessively, or tries to control where you go or who you meet, these are warning signs of possessive behavior.
- Ignoring Spiritual Growth: A relationship that honors God should encourage spiritual growth. If time together detracts from personal devotions, church involvement, or if your partner is indifferent to spiritual disciplines, it might be cause for reflection.
7 Relationship Red Flag Questions
The dating advice here is that if you have one or more of the following dating relationship red flags, you should seriously reconsider whether this person is your lifetime soul mate:
Does your dating partner verbally and/or physically abuse you?
Is your guy or girl overly controlling, possessive or jealous? An example of this type of behavior: She wants to go out with her girlfriends, but he “won’t allow it”, or makes her feel guilty for doing so.
Do most of your family members and friends think you are making a huge mistake? Harmful dating relationships are easy to spot–unless you are the one in them! That’s why it’s important to listen, however difficult, to what the people close to us are saying.
Does either dating party lack trust in the other? No dating relationship, let alone a marriage, can survive without implicit trust and faithfulness.
Have you caught your dating interest lying about insignificant details? Remember, if your date finds it easy to lie about “little things”, he or she will certainly do so about the biggies.
Does the other person never seem to have time for you, or make excuses why you cannot be together? If this is the case you can be sure that there is either boredom or disinterest in the dating relationship.
Is he or she helping you get closer to Jesus, or causing you to sin and fall away? Have you fallen into sexual sin and/or lost your passion for Christ and His word?
In conclusion, dating from a Christian perspective is about more than just finding someone with whom you’re compatible. It’s about seeking a partner with whom you can grow closer to God, honor Him in your relationship, and reflect the love of Christ. Recognizing red flags is not about judgment but about discerning what’s best for both individuals involved. Always turn to prayer, Scripture, and trusted advisors for guidance. Remember, God’s plans for us are always for good, and His timing is perfect.
Overall, remember the Lord is the one ultimately in charge of your dating relationship, and He promises to meet your every need (Phil. 4:19). He will lead you to the right person as you surrender to Him, but He also wants us to use our common sense. So use the above dating tips as common sense advice to help guide your dating relationship or situationship
Are you a single Christian with other dating relationship red flags to share? Please consider helping others by sharing your dating advice here.
Christian Dating Service
11 Comments
Deborah Smith
I thank God for this website. I came read to get some encouragement and some information. God loves us, and is concern about our personal struggles. We must continue to pray and fast. And God will give us the strength that we need. God bless us Single, In the Name of Jesus
Liz
I found this article not only very insightful but also very helpful t a time when I need it the most…
Thank you for publishing it!
David Butler Author
Thanks sisters…we really try to give sound dating relationship advice
Sara
Very helpful insights. Although I need to add that some self proclaimed Christians are absolutely the worst deceivers of all. They are in christian dating networks portraying themselves as Mr. Righteous who loves the Lord. Always listen to your gut. When you feel that sheep your with might be a wolf, chances are he is. Get out and have nothing to do with him.
See Titus 3: 10 – 11
Paul
My girlfriend has accused me of lying on several occations. I do not lie and she won’t hear my reasoning. She has taken my words out of context. I think she has a trust issue.
Andrea
I think that this is a very helpful article. I have been in a unhealthy and unchristian relationship for seven years. I have tryed to leave him but he convinces me to stay. Now I have a daughter with him and I do not know what to do because I do not have no where to go. I advice especially for young people, to really give your whole life to God and not to let your emotions guide you. Please pray for me so God can give me wisdom on this matter.
maddie
i have only one red flag here…. he doesn’t have time for me. He can always find time for his friends though. It has even gone to the point wherein he has to cancel time with me to go out with his friends. that really was the last piece. Because everything went downhill afer that. I couldn’t understand why he could easily put me off. I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t just bring me when they hang out. Some bring their girlfriends along but he doesn’t do that. Makes me feel like he’s ashamed of me or something. i just don’t understand it.
john
i have a question can anyone please answer this one
i am currently in a relationship with someone who just accepted jesus as her savior i was the one who shared the gospel to her before that i didn’t want to jump into a relationship with her because i knew it was wrong
but my question is how do i really know if she accepted jesus
she cant go to my church cause her mom wont allow her to go and so she hasnt been really fed spiritually yet and before she accpeted jesus she was also a good person too so how can i distinguish the change and i want to know if what im currently doing is right.
Elsa
I found this article very helpful, it showed me that my relationship with my boyfriend, is not a good one. Our relationship points to all of these red flags 🙁 . Please pray for me, so I could have the strength to move on. & for God to heal my broken heart, & for him to soon put my soulmate in my life . God Bless You ! <3
Amos
I really appreciate this site, I know its God’s design that I opened this page.
I am currently undregoing tremendous stress as a result of heartbreak. Most things stated above really applied to me. My fiance left me some months back because she feels I am insultive, very authoritative and prone to anger.
She loved me so much for the past five years until now that she made up her mind that it is over. Though for the fear of God we never had sex, we were really close to God. We have always been source of encouragement to each other. Though she has her shortcomings which make me take certain stands on her.
I have learnt greatly from my pitfalls, I pray God forgive me, because she said she has forgiven me. I wish we are still together in love till we get married and till Christ come to take us home.
Let His will be done in my life in Jesus’ name. Amen!
Amos, Nigeria
Kate
I am struggling with deciding whether or not to end a relationship that I have been in for a year and a half.
Four of the red flags listed above exist in our relationship – abuse/forgiveness cycle, parents/friends warnings, lacking trust, and sin/falling away from Jesus.
I truly love him, and am willing to forgive. But I have reached the point where I need to get out, or we need to make some serious changes. I am afraid to give up on the hope that the Lord can change hearts. When do I know when its too much?