Dating a Married Man? Things You Should Know

Dating a Married Man? Things You Should Know

This article is about why a Christian woman should avoid dating a married man and secondly,  how to spot a dating married man. The sad but true fact according to an MSNBC dating tips survey is that 30% of men using online dating services are married! Surprised by the number of cheating, married rats? Don’t be

In fact, whether a single woman meets her date through an online dating service, or at offline places like church or the market down the street, the 30% rate remains constant. With this being the case, the chances are good that somewhere down the dating road, she will run into a dating married man.

The following are some careful considerations of why a single Christian woman should think twice before dating a married man.

Warnings About Dating a Married Man

Christian Principles and Infidelity

One of the Ten Commandments clearly states, “You shall not commit adultery” (Exodus 20:14). From a biblical perspective, dating a married man is a direct violation of this commandment. It disrupts the sanctity of marriage, a sacred covenant before God. When a Christian woman engages in such a relationship, it contradicts her faith’s core values.

Emotional Repercussions

Aside from the spiritual consequences, there are emotional dangers to consider:

  1. Hidden Relationship: A relationship with a married man often remains concealed, leading to feelings of isolation and insecurity. A lack of public acknowledgment can erode one’s self-esteem over time.
  2. Unequal Relationship: The clandestine nature of the relationship can result in an imbalance of power, as the woman is often expected to conform to the man’s availability and circumstances.
  3. Guilt and Anxiety: The knowledge of being part of an affair can lead to persistent guilt and anxiety. It can affect one’s mental health and overall well-being.

Spiritual Consequences

  1. Sinful Act: Dating a married man is considered a sinful act, creating a spiritual barrier between the individual and God. It might lead to feelings of spiritual guilt and estrangement from the faith community.
  2. Violating Trust: This relationship violates the trust of the man’s spouse, damaging the unity of their marriage. As Proverbs 6:32 states, “But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself.”
  3. Failing to Respect the Marriage Covenant: Marriage is a sacred union, blessed by God. By engaging in an affair with a married man, a woman may be disregarding this sacred covenant.

Moving Forward

If you find yourself in such a situation, remember there’s always a path toward healing and redemption. First, end the relationship to stop perpetuating the harm. Seek forgiveness from God, and if possible, those directly impacted by the affair. Utilize the support of your faith community or a Christian counselor to navigate through this challenging period.

In conclusion, the dangers a Christian woman faces when dating a married man are both spiritual and emotional. It not only compromises her relationship with God but can also inflict emotional harm. As Christians, we’re guided by a moral compass rooted in love, respect, and faithfulness. Straying from these principles can lead to damaging consequences. It’s crucial to remember our faith’s tenets and uphold the sanctity of marriage, ultimately safeguarding our spiritual and emotional well-being.

Remember, 1 Corinthians 6:18 teaches us to “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.” Let this guide your actions in honoring your faith and the sanctity of others’ marriages.

How to Spot a Dating Married Man

A dating married man will rarely share his real last name with you.

Most cheats know that if they ever share their real names, they open themselves up to the possibility of exposure. In order to ensure you are dealing with the “Real McCoy” (no pun intended), our advice here is to take out your driver’s license, and playfully ask to see his. If he recoils at the idea, you may have a dating married rat.

A dating married man will not tell you where he lives and/or you will never visit his home.

Of course, it’s natural and understandable on the first few dates if he does not share such information, especially if the man is a single parent dating with kids at home. However, as the dating relationship goes on, a cheat will come up with many creative reasons why you can’t even see the residence. Note: Getting hold of his license will solve this issue as well.

 A married dating guy will never share his home telephone number.

The invention of the cell phone has made it easier for marital cheats to hide their real lives from from those they are dating. Sharing his home number with you opens up the possibility that you will call when “wifey-poo” is at home. Our dating advice here is to listen to his reasons for not sharing or having a home number, and determine if it rings true or not.

 A dating married man has strange phone habits

Does he hang up unexpectedly at times, calling you back later with excuses as to why he could not speak? Do you only get his answering machine at certain times of the day when you know he should be home or available? Does he call you at whacky times? These are signs that he may be busy with his family.

 If a dating married man posted an ad online, he most likely will not post a photo with a full-face view.

The reason for this is obvious: He doesn’t want that puss in full view for the whole world to see.

You will not meet a dating married man’s immediate family.

Get this straight: You are simply not his priority. A decent single guy will be more than happy, even honored, to have his family meet you. Not so with a dating married guy.

Overall, dating is a wonderful, fun experience, and you only end up marrying those whom you first date. However, there are lots of risks out there whether a person uses online dating services or goes the traditional dating route. The key is not to be naive but to use the wisdom God has given you. Remember Jesus’ words: “Be as wise as serpents, but as gentle as doves.”

Are you a single person with dating advice tips to share? Anything further to share about  Dating a Married Man? Feel free to leave your comments.

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    I googled ‘christian healing after a relationship with a liar’ and your site came up. I am a christian who had been a single parent for five years. I read all the books on being single, Elisabeth Elliott, etc. I followed all the advice. Then I met this man who was ‘wonderful’. In a nutshell. I married him, moved my family across the country to be with him, and it turned out he was a manipulative, controlling liar. I ‘felt’ something was wrong, but could never put my finger on it. He had had numrous affairs on his first wife, I found him meeting with ex-girlfriends behind my back, hiding money from me, etc. He was abroad this past year and I caught him on-line dating (saying he was divorced and had only one child- we had seven between us!!).

    Anyhow- listen to that voice inside. My parents loved him, my friends loved him, I was hesitant to get married, but I thought that I was just scared to get married – normally your friends can spot those losers!

    Yes, these people exist. Poker faced liars who really don’t have the capacity to empathize. They play to win, they play for power, they play because they have to be pulling the wool over someone’s eyes or they don’t feel in control. Wierd- yes, make sure you run away if you meet one!!!!!


    I met this one man in particular after getting almost 300 replies to my profile. He told me after talking for only a week that he was falling in love with me.Told me that I was going to become his wife. He pushed himself to come and visit on his own invitation. We ended up in bed together. The guilt still lingers over putting him before my relationship with the Lord. I fell into a deception that last for almost 2 years .Just for him to turn his back and tell me more lies to go along with all the others. I was never invited to meet his family or allowed to go there for a visit. Just want to warn other women to be careful for the Wolves in Sheep`s clothing.It takes time and patience to find the right one.


    At first we were friends. I had been to his house and even met his wife a few times. Then we started to talk on the phone often. His wife started to complain about me calling so much, so he had me call him blocking my phone number. That was the first RED FLAG. Then he started complaining to me about his wife and their marriage. Suddenly, he said that they were getting a divorce. That made it okay to move our relationship forward. I never asked for proof of divorce papers filed. RED FLAG. He started to complain more and more about how she didn’t fulfill him or respect him. I wanted to make it up to him, so I started having sex with him- anywhere and everywhere, it was wild and sometimes crazy.

    I had meanwhile shared my past relationship issues with him (I had been married and had children, too). In hindsight, he was feeling me out, seeing where I was vulnerable. Having been divorced already and been in bad relationships, I was prime for picking. He saw me coming and took full advantage! He knew how to reel me in, what to promise. He helped me with my kids, talking to them. He promised we would get married after the divorce. He always promised to buy me things and spend money on me and the kids, it never happened. In the beginning he promised to spend more time with me, more than the 3 or 4 hour visits every 2-3 weeks. He would stand me up so many times and always have an excuse to quiet me. RED FLAG.There was always some grand excuse, usually involving that so-called evil wife of his nd her elaborate plans to break us up (I found out that she didn’t know for a whole year that he was seeing me).

    Needless to say, I waited 2 years for the so-called divorce before I got smart and left. He always had an excuse about why it was taking so long. Delay after delay. I finally asked for proof and he lied his way around that. I didn’t press it. RED FLAG. He always blamed everything on his wife, she was dragging it out for more money and fighting the settlement. Women love to hear horrible news about another woman, don’t we? I was blinded by love and greed, sticking in there believing the lies (they were so obvious and I let him explain them away when I knew better!) so that I could quit my job and work alongside him and let him take care of me. He told me about how much money he had, his fabulous job travelling all over (he never left town, I later discovered-it was a tactic to keep me from begging him to see me- to keep his wife happy he was close by), all the businesses that he owned and all of the people who worked for him were lies. I NEVER ASKED FOR PROOF! RED FLAG. He had me hating his wife, she was stopping us from being together! He told me to hang up on her if she called, that she was was crazy and ‘spying’ on him. If I would have talked to her, she would have told me (and proved, I am sure)that they were still together and that we were both being used- after she found out he was lying to her, too. She started following him to my house, he told me that she was fighting to keep him. That she was crazy. I didn’t realize that she finally knew that he was cheating with me and going home to her. I would have understood where she was coming from and sent him packing. But he told me she was the enemy. I believed it although it didn’t sound like the woman I had met. RED FLAG. If it doesn’t make sense, it isn’t true! It would have saved me a lot of grief. He made her out to be horrible and that he hated her, when in fact it was a ploy to keep me from talking to her. RED FLAG.

    After I wasted 2 years of my life being faithful and waiting for him, I discovered it was all a lie! He was living with his wife the whole time! They went out every weekend and he started spending less and less time with me after she put pressure on him to leave me. He was telling me how much he hated her and how she didn’t live there and how much he loved me when in fact, he was going to bed with her every night! I knew better, I let him talk me out of what I saw and heard and knew in my gut to be true; I heard her voice in the background when talking to him, she would call me from their home phone, I couldn’t go to his house or call him on the home phone because of so-called surveilance or phone tapping. I couldn’t meet his family just yet, but they liked me. I met some of his friends who were in on what he was doing. I am sure they all had a laugh when they discussed how he was able to hang on to two stupid women for so long. The signs about how to spot a cheating man were all there, I had been down this road before…. But I let him talk me out of reality.

    He is a sociopath/psychopath I have come to learn after reasearching. He lied every time we talked, because he was still with her. He told me about being home alone and cooking alone and going out with his buddy’s while I stayed home and waited for him to call. I could hear the music in the background. He was living a full social life with his wife while I sat at home with my kids stupidly. He crushed my spirit. I don’t want to date for a while. My instincts are not good at all. I heard that his wife eventuakky left him and that he was already dealing with a few other women that he was dealing with all along! Women, we need to rise up, smarten up and trust our instincts! Men will do what we let them do to us!


    i am a christian and i know that my husband is cheating. and feels he has the right to do it. he is in the military and those kind of men don’t really care. it hurts so much and i want the Lord to teach me what to do and to continue to love him. what can i do


    Cheaters never win,
    I cheated on my wife on 2 seperate occasions with the same woman who is an ex-girlfriend, I did it because I wasn’t getting any at home, no love, no attention, no affection, and no sex. My wife always put her family and the kids in front of my and I’m tired of it. I have no excuse for what I did even though it was just presidential sex(Bill Clinton) I know it’s still wrong. Maybe I should have married a nympho instead of a virgin.


    From a single guy’s perspective (36yo), one who has been doing the online dating thing for a while now: I think this is an issue women really need to be aware of with online dating and spotting a married man. You do need to take time, lots of time, to get to know someone. The advice given here is good, but it worries me personally (in a joking way, almost) because…

    1. My last name is Smith. No, really it is!
    2. Showing a woman my “house” would do very little to impress her. I live in a 1-bed apartment with no furniture (sofa, table, bed, etc). I sleep on the floor because it is comfortable. No, I’m not a cheap bum. I am rarely at home, so why waste money on stuff I will never use?
    3. Because I am rarely home, I do not have a “home phone” – just a mobile phone.
    4. If I post a photo, I get few responses (I’m bald and overweight). No photo in my profile means better chances of women actually taking the time to know me as a person.
    5. My immediate family lives on the other side of the country. I have few friends where I live, since I just moved here.
    According to the advice given in the column, there is 90% chance that I am really a married man! This is not good. :O


    I met this “classic” man online and asked ALL those questions he didn’t want to answer. I asked him at least three times if he was married. For four months I gave him the benefit of the doubt even though everything inside of me was telling me the real truth. I did not want to be assumptive or pushy because of the online venue, but for my own feelings, I should have listened to my instincts. He was great looking, sweet, interesting, humorous, gentlemanly, all the things we women hope for. After the most basic of information was denied me I went to greater lengths than asking for his driver’s license to discover the truth about him. I eventually terminated the relationship, but not soon enough. I wasn’t being unintelligent, just stupidly hopeful. I wonder if I have any responsibility to expose his extramarital pursuits to his wife. I want to warn others to save them this heartache. If you see any of these classic signs, listen to your instincts and for heaven’s sake, don’t stifle the Holy Spirit. I did, and for that I suffer. Good luck Fred.


    yesterday i found out the man i was seeing is married. he is a devout christian, but i have never met anyone as evil and mean as him. everything he had said was a lie. he had used me like an object without any real regards for my feelings or worries. if something does not feel right and someone seems too good to be true, follow your own instincts. unbelievable that he is so hypocritical. i am so happy to have found out and have him out of my life now.


    OMG! In regard to how to spot a dating a married man, I went through the EXACT thing that Carrie above did, it was too good to be true, but when I was at his house, a few things had me investigating. So luckily his sister and I had a mutual friend and he was able to get the scoop so that is how I found out. But I’m 23 and he is 29, how someone could be so cruel to not just me but their wife, and he even had me out in public. That makes me look like a town slut.


    investigated my online boyfriend of 2 months; he was returning to florida for 3 weekends in a row and not taking my phone calls. i asked him if he was married, he said no. my friends and family kept saying he’s too good to be true, so at the insistence of my family i found out that he was married, he still denied and i asked for divorce papers and county clerk office of filing, he finally fessed up but swears they’re divorcing. Christian guy…hugghhh, devil in disguise. broke my heart.


    Wow! i just ended a relationship with a man I believe to be married too. I had gone through one of those dating websites and encountered one of the warning signs, which at the time didn’t seem like a warning sign, no photo posted. I just figured he’s not a gorgeous model and may not be confident about his picture. Boy was I wrong. After looking back I realize all our dates were just a few hours long, during the week and not on the weekends and he had no intergrity and would cancel plans last minute. He would claim to be in love with me from our first date, which was a red flag, but I just took it to be a compliment, however luckily I have good friends around me to help me compare stories and his odd behavior with constant texting and limited or dwindling phone calls. I even had a friend have her cop husband run a background check, however he wasn’t able to check marital status. In the end , this guy was all talk and had no integrity, no common courtesy and a bonafide liar. What amazed me was he lied right to my face 2x I had asked him about all the pertinent detail upfront, “How old are you? Are you or have you ever been married? Do you have kids?” He lied about his age and lied about having ANY kids!! He said No!! He claimed his Uncle he lived with had 2 kids. One of the other signs was deteriorating communication. I dumped his sorry butt, he wasn’t giving me the courtesy, respect or honesty I made known at the start of our short relationship. And the clincher is he professed about going to Church every Sunday and being a Christian. Well the Lord, showed me I made the right decision, because just last night, my voicemail had recording this guys conversation with his small children for 2 minutes ( I think one of his kids hit redial on his phone and as a result my voicemail pickup the activity and the kids’ calling ” dadddy, daddy”) So Sick. Sorry for the lenghty rant, however I hope my comments like the others posted on here will help other women ( or men too) become better aware of some signs to look out for. I’m just thankful to God our short relationship was exactly that and hadn’t reached the next level. God Bless and good luck single people in your search for love.


    I had been in relationship with a guy for 15 months, he proposed to me and even met my family. Few days back his wife messaged me that her husband is fooling me. But he told me someone played a prank but later he confessed. I am hurt, he spoiled my life


    Hi my name is Cady and I am on staff at Oasis church which hosts this site.

    I wanted to write a note to the ladies out there who have found themselves in this situation which one writer rightfully described as “sick,” being that this is the way it felt for you, and I am SO sorry. I know that feeling!

    First of all, it may help you to google the term “Narcissistic Personality Disorder,” NPD, or Narcissism. It will comfort you to see that there is actually a name for it, and that it really is he who has the problem, and not you. On that note, please find it in your heart to say a prayer for his poor wife, especially now that you’ve made it to the other side of this disaster, and are starting to see things a little more clearly.

    Secondly, you may wonder, what is that “sick” feeling that you feel that is so horrible? Consider the fact that you were so generous in going along with his lie. You let yourself believe the very best about this person. Maybe you even knew or suspected he was married, but thought it must be so horrible for him in his marriage that he really needed you. Whatever the case, you now have to face that it was all a lie. As a Christian you know who is the father of lies. It may help you to see that your life is so important to God that the devil was really working over-time on you! As you process through the painful feelings (and please allow yourself to cry over this incredibly disappointing situation), also use this time to increase your self-awareness.

    Ask yourself why it is you allowed yourself to go along with this. Were you really totally innocent? Did you perhaps make an idol out of the idea of having a relationship, or possibly getting married (as I often have)? Did you allow yourself to lose your first love (Rev. 2:4)? If any of this was true for you, this moment may symbolize not just the ending of something which seemed so wonderful, but the beginning of a new you, with a new sense of awareness, and a new dedication to God, where you are even closer than before this guy came into your life. Remember “All things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.(Rom. :28)”

    Let me also say that if you feel some anger towards God, this is okay too. Let yourself feel that, and express it to God. He can handle it. He made you and knows you intimately. The Bible says He loved us “while we were yet sinners.” This expression toward God of sorrow and disappointment will likely also help you to draw closer to God in the long run, as He takes a part not only in your mind, but in your emotions also. And He promised to give you wisdom and understanding if you ask Him for it (Js. 1:5).

    In addition to all this, it is my hope and prayer for you that you also have some wonderful Christian friends you can turn to. This can be incredibly helpful. If not, thank you for putting your trust in this site, so that we can help you.

    Please let me know if I can help further. I will soon have my own email address attached to this site. Until then I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    love in Christ,


    Great article, I have known a man for a year now, met him on MySpace rather than dating service, said he wouldnt normally approach someone but after reading my profile he just had to get in touch. Pretty much a few weeks later, before even meeting him he was telling me he was sure I was his one, he just knew. Odd being he had never met me and at that point I wondered if he was a fantasist or a sociopath (sociopaths are classic run in people, full of huge compliments about your amazing intellect, beauty etc etc).

    Anyway, in a year, I have been kept at absolute distance. We have broken up around 10 times, he can only go two to four weeks before he gets back in touch as his life just isnt the same without me. I have never been invited to his home, I dont know where he lives, I have never met any friends, or ever felt even part of his life. He always comes to me, he has been part of my life….hence I keep ending it and he happily leaves knowing I am asking to be part of his life, or not at all….but then comes back but nothing ever changes.

    He told me a week ago that he has been lying to me for six months, no not about being married, but claims he has been lying about wanting to be with me. He has been telling me he has been having some emotional issues, that he is mentally a bit of a mess and he wants to sort himself out, but that it was me he wanted to be with, that there wasnt another woman like me and all that jazz……….however, he has told me it was a lie and in fact, that he just didnt want to lose my friendship so has been lying for six months, as he knew I couldnt just be friends with him.

    I am glad I read the article, as at first, I thought maybe I was dating a married man, now I am sure I was dating a sociopath.

    Great article, thank you.


    I came here to find answers after 2 years of being in a relationship that has gone nowhere. I met this guy online, well actually he found me. He lives cross country and after a few months of talking on the phone, he had me come visit him in January 2007. He lives in Texas, he had me stay in a motel not in, but near his town. His excuse was his house was a mess, he was fixing it up or something like that. He knew all the right things to say and do to seduce me. He said he wanted to be with me again as I did him, so I traveled down to Texas to be with him. We’ve not seen each other since, but he keeps calling me and telling me how much he still loves me and wants to be with me FOREVER, to HANG IN THERE. He tells me how complicated his life is, that he has an EX-WIFE, and when he get’s things straightened out then we will together. I’ve been hanging in there for almost 3 years now, and nothing has changed. The worst part about it is this man has been conning me out of money and favors. I have a feeling that there is no ex-wife, that she is still his wife and that he has no intentions of getting a divorce. Most likely he has other girlfriends across the country that he is decaying their minds with the same set of lies, and taking their money too. I feel sick to my stomach that my money most likely is being used to buy his wife guilt presents. There are monsters out there that are much bigger than any rat could ever be, and sad to say, I ran across one!


    Dear Mary,

    Being “online” sure has changed the dynamics of dating and relationships. We can meet more people, connect faster and find people who have the same interests as us. One negative that has come from this is the ability to deceive and be deceived. When people type away from the security of their desk, they are much less accountable. We also have less tools to spot the deceiver. You can’t look into their eyes and see their true heart. Their body language doesn’t provide us the clues that we get in person.

    Even when we meet up with the person face to face, our hearts are longing to beleive what we want and we can stay blinded.

    I think your assessment of this man is correct. All the signs of this not being a productive relationship are there. I am so sorry that you were taken advantage of. That is a hurtful and embarassing feeling. Know that there is no shame in having a pure heart, which was your only fault in this situation. Sometimes we need to experience things that aren’t pleasent and we grow out of them. Even in hurtful things we know with confidence that God works all things together for good. (Romans 8:28)

    Pray for discernment. Ask the Holy Spirit to live in you and help you recognize those who are false. Do not let this experience harden your heart. Stay open and willing to receive love as you give love in His name.

    God Bless,



    i didnt know people who date married men actually feel guilty about it. i lost my husband to a fellow churchmate. My husband, the other woman and myself all come from deeply christian backgrounds – or so i thought, but she still ignored the fact that they were breaking up a family and went on to marry him. it hurt a lot especially as they went on to prosper and my child and i are struggling, still with Gods grace i have forgiven totally and am moving on. has anyone experienced something like this?


    I agree with these article, I am a young christian woman who tried a popular online dating site, and the person I was matched with was married, I dont know, what to think, he claims he is getting a divorce finalizing in a few months, but I thought it was rather deceptive to be thinking of dating when you’re technically still married and has not had healing after your divorce. The part about hiding the face in the photo is soooo true, I also noticed this about men who are maried, yet they try to prey on an attractive single woman. Needless to say, I unsubscribed from the website, but Im not sure if online dating is for me, I am also still friends with the guy who is getting a divorce, because I dont kno if he may be using me for a rebound out of desperation, I think he needs time to heal, he even mentioned recently that he broke down after his wife came into town, which suprisingly she is engaged to another man. Im not sure I will date him, even after the divorce, it would be long distance. He wont tell me what happen, but Im assuming she may have rejected him, or fussed him out, if he tried to reconcile, why would he cry over it, if he is supposedly separated from her for at least 2years. Is he lying? Should I end all ties…friendship with this man? (Honeslty, he initiated communication when we were matched online, and it seemed like a great match), but now that i know he is married, should I just end all communication with him, even though the divorce should be finalized in April? Help please, Im really trying not to covet or disappoint God in any way, i want His best in my life partner, my soulmate.


    Totally understand. Hazel, yes, I am glad some women who date married men feel guilt.

    Great article but remember rewarded behavior is repeated.

    There are ALOT of church-going women out there who justify a mans behavior and continue to date/spend time with/do things with/and apprently even sleep with him. The reality is they DONT CARE the man they’re pursuing or being pursued by is deceptive– which is why men keep it up.

    The biggest reason women justify bad behavior? They want a MAN more than they want God. They want to feel needed and important, money spent on them, to feel they’re better then someone else. That’s why some even keep it up, knowing! They figure his wife must just be a bad person who deserves what she gets….right? If you have an “inkling” there’s a problem, and don’t “run from sin” its because you don’t want to. YOU ARE NOT A VICTEM! When we refuse to really examine a situation its usually because we’re benefiting from it somehow (All his affection, time, money, we’re so much better then that bad bad woman, etc). PRIDE & SELFISHNESS. PERIOD!

    I was married for 19 years to a Narcissist. After we’d been dating for 2 months, I was “the One” and he proposed. I was the greatest thing and wonderful. His family seemed perfect and never seemed to have any conflict…..2 MAJOR Warning signs.

    It was never a good marriage. I dealt with pornography, deceit, mental, physical and emotional abuse, unethical business behavior and constant critisism. After we had our got worse! I actually thought at one point, I was crazy, while everyone thought he was a wonderful loving husband-not so. 9 years into the marriage he began attending “singles” groups at CCV a mega church in Glendale, AZ, dating to “find that right woman”. He’s good looking, charasmatic, fun & charming.

    We were always involved in youth ministry together and all of his friends are “ministers” -ALL told him he wasn’t doing anything wrong to separate, date and later divorce, because “God wanted him to be happy after all”, we were separated and I wasn’t a good wife. I became the “reason” for his behavior. Matthew 7:22-24 (ESV) On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’

    After moving to a small NE Arizona town, he proceeded to date several “christian” (small “c”) women. Each time he would tell them I was bi-polar, violent or crazy, his parents backed him up. EVERY ONE of the women knew he was separated (WHICH MEANS MARRIED!!) had no problem spending time alone with him or going out with him or bringing him home to spend time with their KIDS!…they didn’t call it dating, just going to a dance or dinner or watching a movie with him. They felt since they were “just friends” it was okay…. “rescuing” him from a terrible wife and lonliness. Besides he’s spending money on them.

    Now he and his then mistress now openly girlfriend/fiance lead worship, teach the youth, spend weekends & vacations together and are the “pillars” of their church and seem to have the perfect relationship. They appear to be prospering and so does the pastor of his church who KNEW what was going on! His “christian” parents live with him, knew he was dating her while married and pay all his bills. All his money is dedicated to lavishing on the mistress/fiance and himself.

    So you ladies out there who are looking for Mr Right. Be bold. Put God first. Stop making excuses when your radar goes off! Sin is NOT an accident! Rather the result of us taking our eyes off God and justifying not the guys behavior, but rather OUR OWN!

    A woman’s heart should be buried so deeply in Christ that any man that wants her must go through HIM To get to it. …Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge HIM and HE will make your path straight….


    How do you confront a “Missionary” in the church about the situation she has put herself in with a married man? It is evident that they have been dating and both have shared this information openly with someone else as well as have been seen out on a date and in intimate cuddling. She is a leader in the church and her ministry is being tainted for the youth do not respect her and is also aware of the issue at hand but she is decieved and thinks it’s under cover as she is still attempting to cover it up because she is aware that he is married and wants to tell certain individuals in the church that they are just friends but have been out with the man on several occasions till 1 or so in the morning?? Again, how do we address this issue after she has been address and she passes it off as ‘just friends’ but truly that is not the case. Do we involve other ministerial staff to intervene?


    It saddens me to find this website and find that so many of us have been tricked by men claiming to be single and Christian. I met a guy online. He claimed he was Christian, divorced and had 2 kids. He was generous, and I thought honest and sweet. It turns out he lied about everything, he was still married and had given me a fake name. We dated for almost 3 months, and he claimed to be in love with me, and want to marry me and have children with me. Looking back warning signs were: he never took me to his place, paid only in cash, freaked out when I wanted to meet his friends or have him meet mine, freaked out when I asked where he lived, and worked. At first I thought it was early I didn;t want to be pushy but after 2 months I started being pushy about wanting to make sure he was who he said he was and needing to see some ID, he kept putting me off until finally he confessed. I wish I had been pushier sooner it would have saved me a lot of heartache. Anyone reading this learn from my mistake put yourself and your heart first. If there are warning signs don’t be afraid to ask to see proof, if a guy has nothing to hide and really cares about you he will not hesitate to bring you into his life.


    I met a man who moved to michigan from germany and he was a horrible rotten player and most likely was married.
    He has been on plentyoffish for over 5 years now.
    His old profile was Andy12345a and now his new profile name is ThomasTomi and he lies about his age and just about everything.
    His old profile said he is 39, he deleted the andy12345a profile and made the new one claiming he is 37 but he is not 37.
    He posted a far away photo of himself but any woman who has met him can recognize it as him from his old profile.
    He lies about his name, age, location, intentions, everything.
    in over 2 years that he was seeing me, i never was invited to see his home, never was told his real name, never got a real phone number from him and he lied to me about his intentions..he would call me with his phone number blocked and ask if he could come over to have sex with me during lunchtime.. my guess is he has done this to many other women..ladies be careful and dont fall for a man untill you make sure he isnt a player, married or will spare yourself less grief and drama.


    Hi I am a Christian also my spouse has been cheating for twenty five years his name is Dave and I can assure all you ladies they never change they get worse. My husband is 59 years old and still acting like a immature teenager.

    You all deserve better than worrying when will I get that disease from his partner or her other ones. If I knew years ago I was going to be with pathological liar I would have run in the other direction. I have used the best years of my life in misery not a fun place to be.

    I see others traveling, smiling, and living life to the fullest. All I have ever had is debt from his spending on his flings and doing without ladies. Paying all the time and no enjoyment. Run Run run if you still can. There is someone who will treat you better than a degraded individual under there regime. Hope, Faith love understanding what your needs are will help you to make a better choice.


    I found your web site while searching for healing. I fell in love with a man I knew (and previously dated) in high school. I had broken up with him 25 yrs ago b/c he cheated on me (I could never prove it, but I knew in my heart) and lied a lot. So….I run into him 25 yrs later…he and I were going through (supposedly) the exact same life situation…bad marriage on the verge of divorce, unsympathetic spouse, pain, loneliness, etc. The only difference was his marriage was totally done (they had the talk, agreed on the date…as soon as she had finished her last college degree) and mine was not. It started as him emailing and calling as ‘a dear old friend.’ He would tell me how much he prayed…how much he had changed. I was smitten. I believed in him 100% b/c I was desperate for the attention and the romance. I compromised everything I believed in. My marriage almost ended. Our two children were a mess, as I was in ‘heaven’ with this guy occupying almost every thought (can you say idolatry?). Things started to self destruct when that ‘odd feeling’ in my gut told me that he was a liar (like he used to be). The date of his impending divorce came and went, and he started to get very snippy and defensive if I even so much as inquired about his wife or his divorce. The more I started to inquire, the more he started to back-track. He ended up totally throwing me under the bus. If my husband would have left me, I would now be living alone…probably without my children. Like the other women said, trust your gut…ask the questions…if a guy gets ticked off, then he’s not the one (he’s also probably a liar and/or a narcissist). And if a guy really is Christian, he would not lead you to commit adultery, nor justify why he does it. There is NO justifying it. And if he’s doing it with you, he’ll do it TO you. I found out in my quest for answers that this guy has a problem with pornography, has girlfriends in at least 3 states, and is looking for more (and is STILL married). And yes, his wife knows about me. I doubt their marriage will survive, but that’s up to them (and God).

    I know much of this is my own fault. I erroneously thought that somehow I was helping to lead this guy to the Lord, when in fact, he was leading me into the pit of hell. On the other hand, I am so BLESSED that my husband decided to stick in there with me. We are rebuilding our marriage and it is better than ever. For people who say that when the feeling is gone, your marriage is over, I say NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD. That is a lie society has told us.

    And for any of you contemplating any kind of relationship of any kind with a married man, I tell you this: RUN!! That is God’s word to “…run from sexual sin.” The reason is b/c it will tear your heart and soul to pieces. Also know that God gives us His Word to protect us, not for some twisted type of control used to keep us from really enjoying life as satan would have us believe. It is not o.k. for you to be friends either. That’s how it all starts….small compromises. We all know that there are two paths in this world–the one of light and the one of darkness. There is no middle ground. Satan likes to convince us otherwise. Read your Bible people…it’s the best weapon against ‘the great deceiver’. And PRAY PRAY PRAY. Tell the guy to look you up if and when he actually does get a divorce (and I don’t just mean filing the papers). If it’s so ‘inevitable’ and ‘upcoming’, it shouldn’t take long. Even then, I would be extremely cautious. Make sure the guy’s lines (and actions) match up with scripture….that’s the real test.

    Also, what’s so bad being by yourself? Enjoy your “singlehood”. You’re better off that way…and remember to “Seek first His Kingdom, and you will be given the desires of your heart.” That’s actually how I met my husband :). I finally had given up on dating…on finding a man myself. I gave it to God, and took a chance on a very nice man who wasn’t the “charmer” or the “bad boy” I usually dated (and was thinking I was missing out on something later on). But guess what? His heart makes him more and more attractive to me every day, and here is a man who would stay by me through anything….even adultery, and even though it took everything he had to stay. God bless him for that (I know He will!). And praise be to God for delivering me from that horrible, deceitful situation and mindset, and for giving me another chance.

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