There are many fears that keep women and men single. Paradoxically, many single women and men who yearn to get married often allow fears and phobias to keep them from that very goal. Furthermore, instead of meeting the love of their lives, they end up battling feelings of loneliness and frustration.
So just what are some of the top fears single women and men face? A survey of several hundred singles revealed the following:
Top 3 Fears of Single Women and Men
Fear of Rejection
Some single women and men are scared of reaching out to singles of the opposite sex for fear of being rejected by them.
Most singles who have this kind of fear and trepidation are gentle and sweet people. Unfortunately, they often transfer their own negative feelings about themselves onto others, thinking that the person they are interested in dating feels the same way.
Everyone is a loser with this kind of fear. The other single guy or girl the fearful person is attracted to will never know it, and the single with the fear of dating will never experience what he or she is missing.
Fear of Being Vulnerable
Closely connected to the fear of rejection, some single Christians hold their feelings so close to themeselves that others can never get to truly know them. Did you ever meet someone like that? They will only let you get so close, and then they mysteriously back away. You may have had an interest in getting to know them better, but their fear of being vulnerable precludes any possibility of a meaningful relationship.
This kind of fear keeps a single person from connecting emotionally and spiritually with others. Since the ability to be vulnerable is a necessary ingredient in successful dating or marriage relationships, the person who is afraid in this area experiences many missed opportunities or shallow and short, unsatisfying relationships.
Many Christians singles who are fearful of opening up to others on a heart level come from abusive backgrounds, such as adult children of alcoholics.
Fear of Change
Many single women and men alike remain single because they fear moving out of their comfort zones by taking faith filled risks. Singles who fear change are creatures of habit, and feel safe with the “same old” ways of meeting people to date. For example, using online dating services, even if shown to be beneficial, would be a very scary experience if they never tried one before.
We all would agree that change can be a scary experience. However, single women and men who have a fear of change naturally limit themselves in the ways they can meet a mate or date.
What God Says About Fear
The Lord has an awful lot to say about fear. One of the main things that jumps out at you as you read the Scriptures is that God continually admonishes us not to fear.
For example, in a New Testament passage in Mark 5:36, Jesus encourages a father whose daughter was ill: “Don’t be fearful, just believe.” How interesting! On the one hand we have fearfulness; on the other we have belief and trust. If you really think about it, faith and fear cannot coexist. One will have to give way to the other.
Overall, if you are a single Christian woman or man struggling with fear issues that are holding you back from from meeting your soul mate, take cheer! You are definitely not alone in your fears, and there is help for you. We suggest you pray over the following suggestions:
Talk about your fears with a reputable Christian counselor, singles group pastor or trusted friend. Oftentimes, speaking about our fears with someone else brings us back to reality and gives us hope for the future. The advice they offer could also be liberating.
Let God’s word and Spirit soothe your heart and fears as you look up and meditate on what He says on the topic. Here are a few paraphrased verses to get you started:
Psalm 34:4: The Lord is able to deliver you from all your fears.
Isaiah 51:7: Do not fear the reproach of others or be terrified of their insults
Proverbs 29:25: Fear of men (whether they be single or not) is a snare.
Joshua 1:8: Don’t be afraid or discouraged because God is with you.
1John 4:18: God has a perfect love that casts out all fear.
Finally, if you are a single woman or man with further advice on the topic of fear and dating, please consider helping other singles by sharing your comments about fear.