I received this question from a Christian single woman who asked the question, “How many dates should I wait before having sex?” Coming from a Christian single person, it’s a question that sparks controversy and curiosity, especially when society seems to place an increasing emphasis on physical intimacy early in relationships. But when you’re striving to follow biblical principles, the answer is about more than just numbers or timing—it’s about honoring God’s design for intimacy.
So, let’s approach this with a little humor and warmth, like a conversation you’d have over coffee with a close friend. You’re not alone in wondering about this, and believe it or not, God has quite a bit to say on the subject, which is where we’ll find our guidance.
The Question of Dates: Is There a Magic Number?
Some people might throw out numbers: “Three dates is enough.” “No, wait until date ten.” Or, “You have to wait at least six months.” But is there a magic number that dictates when it’s “appropriate” to have sex? Spoiler alert: the Bible doesn’t mention anything about three dates, six dates, or 100 dates before getting intimate.
Instead, God’s word is very clear about reserving sexual intimacy for the covenant of marriage. That’s right—no arbitrary number of dates will change what the Bible encourages. So, the real answer to the question of how many dates is simple: Wait until after the wedding!
But why? What’s the reasoning behind this seemingly countercultural idea? Let’s break it down from a biblical perspective, with some humor and grace sprinkled in for good measure.
God’s Top 10 Reasons to Wait Until Marriage
Here’s a little tongue-in-cheek look at why God, in His wisdom, calls us to save sex for marriage. While it’s a serious topic, a little light-heartedness can help us understand these profound truths in a more relatable way!
1. True Commitment is Made Before a Crowd, Not Just on the Couch
Marriage is a public declaration of commitment, blessed by God and witnessed by your family, friends, and the community. It’s not something you whisper in someone’s ear on date number five. God designed sex to be a beautiful and private expression of that public commitment. So, when you wait, you’re saying, “I’m reserving this deep connection for someone who has pledged to be with me for life.”
2. Because ‘What Would Jesus Do?’ Doesn’t Involve Awkward Goodbyes After Breakfast
We know Jesus led a life of purity, and He called us to follow Him. It might sound funny, but when you ask yourself, “What would Jesus do?” in the context of dating, you’re not picturing Him navigating awkward morning-after situations or casual hookups. He gave us the example of living with integrity, honor, and respect for ourselves and others. Plus, think about avoiding those post-breakfast awkward silences.
3. The ‘No Regrets’ Policy
Waiting until marriage eliminates the heartache of wondering, “Was that the right choice?” or dealing with emotional baggage from relationships that didn’t work out. There’s something freeing about knowing you’ll enter your marriage without regrets, having honored God’s standards. No need for those cringeworthy “Oops, what did I just do?” moments!
4. Intimacy Should Be Built on Communication, Not Just Chemistry
Let’s be real: chemistry is great, but it’s not what keeps a relationship together. Waiting until marriage allows you to focus on building a solid foundation based on communication, trust, and mutual respect. It’s easy to get swept up in physical attraction, but long-lasting love is built on understanding and growing together—not just sparks and fireworks.
5. Sex is Like a Fine Wine – It Gets Better with Time and the Right Conditions
Here’s a fun analogy: sex is like a fine wine—it gets better when aged in the right environment, which in this case is the safety and commitment of marriage. Rushing into it is like cracking open a bottle too soon—it’s just not going to taste as good! Waiting gives you the assurance that you’re experiencing intimacy the way God intended, and with the person committed to sharing a lifetime with you.
6. You Don’t Want to Confuse Butterflies with Commitment
The initial fluttery feelings when you meet someone can make you think this is “the one,” but feelings fade. Commitment lasts. God’s plan for sex within marriage is like the seal on a lifelong commitment, not something you experiment with based on fleeting emotions. Waiting helps you discern true commitment from just infatuation.
7. It’s a Gift You’ll Never Regret Giving to Your Spouse
Think of sex as a gift, and like any gift, it’s special when given at the right time. By saving that gift for your spouse, you’re offering something deeply personal that will be a blessing to both of you. There’s no feeling like knowing that you’ve saved something sacred just for them. Imagine the joy of unwrapping that gift together in the context of a committed, God-honoring marriage.
8. No Worries About Becoming a Relationship Statistic
It’s a sad fact that many relationships that become physically intimate too soon often struggle with issues of trust, insecurity, or disconnection later. Waiting until marriage offers the security of knowing you’re entering a relationship where both parties have been intentional about keeping God’s best for the right time. You’re not just another statistic of “couples who rushed in and fizzled out.”
9. Sex is Sacred, Not Casual
In today’s world, it’s easy to think sex is no big deal—it’s just a fun thing people do when they’re in a relationship, right? But God sees sex as sacred, not something to be treated casually. It’s not a recreational activity; it’s a spiritual and emotional bond that connects two people in a deep way. Treating it with the reverence it deserves by waiting until marriage helps us honor God’s design.
10. God’s Way is the Best Way—No Assembly Required
God’s instructions aren’t meant to ruin your fun or make you miss out on life. Instead, His way is the blueprint for living a life that’s fulfilling, joyful, and without unnecessary complications. Waiting until marriage isn’t some outdated rule—it’s God’s loving guidance to protect our hearts and help us experience the fullness of intimacy the way He designed it. No confusing instructions or assembly needed—just trust His plan!
But What If I’ve Already Had Sex?
You might be reading this and thinking, “But I’ve already crossed that line. Does this mean it’s too late for me?” Absolutely not! God’s grace is abundant, and He offers forgiveness, healing, and a fresh start to anyone who seeks it. It’s never too late to make the decision to honor Him in your relationships going forward.
If you’ve already experienced sexual intimacy outside of marriage, take heart in knowing that God can redeem any situation. You can make a commitment today to honor God’s design for sex in the future, trusting in His grace and forgiveness. Your past doesn’t define you; God’s love and plan for your life does.
Final Thoughts: Waiting is Worth It!
In a world that seems to move faster and faster, the idea of waiting can feel countercultural—and sometimes downright difficult. But as a Christian single woman, your commitment to following God’s design for sex and marriage is not only a testimony to your faith but also a powerful way to build a healthy, lasting relationship.
Remember, there’s no magic number of dates before having sex because the Bible’s guidance is clear: wait until marriage. It might not be the easiest path, but it’s the one that will ultimately bring you peace, joy, and fulfillment in your relationships.
So, how many dates before sex? Let’s go with one. Just make sure it’s the wedding date!
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