So, you’re a Christian single navigating the totally normal world of dating, trying to figure out just how many dates you need to go on before calling someone your “boyfriend” or “girlfriend.” Ah yes, the age-old question! Spoiler alert: There’s no Bible verse that tells you how many coffee dates, church services, or awkward family dinners it takes to make it official. But hey, let’s dig into this journey together with a lighthearted (and faithful) approach!
The Purpose of Dating – It’s Not Just for the Free Food
Before we dive into how many dates it takes to make a relationship “Facebook official,” let’s get one thing straight. As a Christian, you’re probably not dating just for the endless cycle of brunches and lattes (though let’s be honest, the free food is a bonus). Dating is meant to help you figure out if this person is someone you can see yourself serving God with, for the long haul. That’s right: the “M” word—Marriage—is the endgame.
So no, you’re not just looking for someone to swap cheesy Christian pick-up lines with (e.g., “Is your name Faith? Because you’re the substance of things I’ve been hoping for”). You’re looking for someone who gets what it means to follow Jesus—and who won’t be weirded out when you talk about praying over big life decisions, like whether to adopt a dog together (because of priorities, right?).
Okay, But Seriously, How Many Dates?
Alright, you’re here for answers, and I’m here to dish them out… kind of. The truth is, there isn’t a magic number when it comes to how many dates before you enter a relationship. But let’s break down some real-life factors that could help you figure it out:
- First Date: The “Is This Person Actually Normal?” TestThis one’s just to see if the person is a weirdo or not. Are they nice? Did they pay for your coffee without making it weird? Did they talk about their ex more than once? If you leave the first date not cringing, maybe there’s a second one in your future. But don’t put too much pressure on it—you’re just trying to gauge whether you want to see this person again without feeling like you’re going to need to pray for extra patience.
- Second Date: The “Do We Actually Have Things in Common?” QuizThis date is a little more telling. You’re starting to dive deeper into things like, “So, what church do you go to?” or “What’s your favorite worship song?” Bonus points if you’re both secretly on the same side of the never-ending debate over whether Hillsong or Bethel has the best worship music.At this point, you’re trying to figure out if you actually have shared values. Do they like the same Bible podcasts you do? Can they appreciate a good Christian meme? If you find yourself thinking, “I could totally see this person serving at church with me,” you might be onto something.
- Third Date: The “Can I Pray With This Person?” MomentThis is where things start to get real. You’re probably comfortable enough by now to bring up deeper topics—maybe even share what you’ve been praying for in life. If you can ask this person to pray with or for you, it’s a big green flag. Plus, if they can respectfully handle that level of spiritual intimacy without getting freaked out, you’re definitely getting closer to relationship territory.
- Fourth Date: The “Do I Like You, or Just the Idea of You?” CheckSometimes, especially as Christian singles, we can get caught up in the idea of someone. They love Jesus, they’re kind, and they make you laugh—what more could you ask for, right? But hold up. Ask yourself: Do you like this person, or do you just like that they check off some important boxes? If you’re truly interested in who they are beyond their church-going self, and you’ve enjoyed these four dates, then you’re probably getting close to making it official.
Trusting God and Taking Your Time
Now, let’s get real: there’s no rush to define a relationship by the third or fourth date. Or even the tenth! One of the best parts of Christian dating is that it’s not about following a worldly timeline but about discerning God’s will for your life. Pray about it. Seek counsel from your friends and mentors. Heck, even talk to your mom if that’s your thing.
Philippians 4:6 reminds us, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” Yep, that includes your love life.
Sometimes, God might call you to take things slower to build a solid foundation of friendship first. Other times, things just click faster than you expected. And both scenarios are completely okay.
How to Tell If You’re Ready for That “DTR” Talk (Define the Relationship)
By now, you’ve probably been on a handful of dates, and maybe you’re starting to wonder if it’s time to have that conversation. The infamous DTR. No pressure! But here are a few signs that you might be ready to chat about being “exclusive” (and no, I don’t mean exclusively sharing your favorite worship playlist).
- You’ve Prayed About It and Feel Peaceful If you’ve spent time praying for guidance and feel a sense of peace, that’s a pretty good sign. Relationships based on prayer are way more likely to thrive. Plus, when God’s at the center, you’ve got the best foundation.
- You’re Not Afraid to Talk About the Future Not saying you should plan the wedding just yet, but if you can comfortably talk about life goals (and how they align with God’s purpose for you), you’re probably ready to make things official.
- You’ve Introduced Them to Your Friends or Church Community If you’ve already brought them around your people and there’s no glaring “This person is a red flag” feedback from trusted friends, then it’s a green light.
Bottom Line: There’s No Perfect Number
At the end of the day, how many dates you go on before entering a relationship isn’t about hitting some magical milestone. It’s about pursuing a relationship with God’s guidance, fostering mutual respect, and making sure you’re both on the same page spiritually and emotionally.
In the Christian dating world, it’s more about the journey than rushing to the finish line. So, whether it’s after five dates or twenty, just remember to be patient with the process and trust that God’s got a plan for your love story—even if it involves a few awkward first dates and too many cups of coffee along the way.
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