Alright, let’s get real for a second. You’re dating, you’re Christian, and things got a little heated—like, “Oh no, we crossed that line” heated. If you’re reading this, chances are you’re feeling a mix of guilt, confusion, and maybe even a bit of panic. First off, let’s take a deep breath together. Inhale… Exhale… Okay, now let’s talk about how to reset those sexual boundaries, sprinkle in some biblical wisdom, and find hope in the midst of this situation. Ready? Let’s dive in!
7 tips to reset sexual boundaries
for Christian singles
1. Acknowledge What Happened – Without the Guilt Trip
First things first, let’s be real about what happened. Yes, you crossed a boundary you didn’t plan to cross. But before you start building a little guilt shrine in your head, remember this: nobody is perfect. Not me, not you, and certainly not the couple sitting three pews ahead of you on Sunday morning.
The Bible says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). Notice it says “all”—that’s you, me, and everyone else. So, no guilt-tripping yourself into a spiritual abyss. Instead, acknowledge what happened and bring it to God in prayer. Say something like, “God, we messed up. Help us get back on track.” Simple, honest, and to the point.
2. Have an Awkward Conversation—It’s Necessary
Now comes the fun part: talking about it with your significant other. Yes, it’s going to be awkward. No, there’s no way around it. But here’s the thing—awkward conversations are where growth happens. So, grab some coffee, sit down together, and be open about what happened and how you both feel about it.
Start by asking, “How did we get here?” Was it lack of boundaries, emotional vulnerability, or maybe just the fact that your hand-holding escalated into a full-blown cuddle fest? Whatever it was, identify the triggers so you can avoid them in the future.
Be honest but gentle with each other. This is not the time to point fingers or play the blame game. Instead, focus on how you can move forward together, stronger than before.
3. Revisit Your Boundaries—And Make Them Stronger
Now that you’ve had the awkward conversation, it’s time to revisit those boundaries. Think of it like re-drawing a map after getting lost in the wilderness. What boundaries did you have in place? Were they specific enough? If not, this is your chance to tighten them up.
For example, if you previously said, “We won’t be alone together after 10 PM,” but you found yourself pushing the envelope, maybe it’s time to move that curfew up a bit. Or, if you’ve been watching movies together that always seem to lead to, well, more than just watching movies, maybe consider changing your date night activities.
Proverbs 4:23 tells us, “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Setting stronger boundaries is one way of guarding your heart—and each other’s too.
4. Seek Accountability—No, You’re Not Too Cool for This
If the idea of accountability makes you cringe, hear me out. Having someone who can check in on you, pray for you, and offer support can be a game-changer. It doesn’t have to be weird or overly intense—just someone you trust who can encourage you to stick to your boundaries.
This could be a pastor, a mentor, or even a close friend who’s also in a relationship and understands what you’re going through. The Bible encourages us to, “Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed” (James 5:16). Accountability brings healing and helps you stay on the right path.
5. Give Yourself Grace—Like, a Lot of It
If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this article, it’s this: give yourself grace. It’s easy to beat yourself up over past mistakes, but that’s not what God wants for you. Remember, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9). God’s grace is bigger than any mistake you’ve made.
So, instead of dwelling on what went wrong, focus on what you’re doing right now to make things better. You’re acknowledging your sins and mistakes, you’re setting new boundaries, and you’re seeking God’s guidance—those are all amazing steps in the right direction.
6. Keep the Fun Alive—Because Relationships Shouldn’t Be All Serious
Just because you’re resetting boundaries doesn’t mean your relationship has to become a bore-fest. On the contrary, this is a great time to get creative and find new ways to connect without crossing those lines.
Plan fun dates that don’t involve sitting alone in a dark room. Think outdoor adventures, board game nights, or even volunteering together. The goal is to keep the romance alive while still respecting the boundaries you’ve set.
And hey, a little humor goes a long way. Laugh at yourselves, make silly jokes about your “curfew,” and remember that love is supposed to be fun, even when you’re working through tough stuff.
7. Stay Connected to God—He’s Got Your Back
Last but definitely not least, stay connected to God. Prayer, Bible study, and worship are crucial in keeping your relationship on the right track. When you’re both seeking God, it’s a lot easier to stick to those boundaries and support each other spiritually.
Make it a point to pray together regularly. It doesn’t have to be a long, drawn-out affair—just a few minutes to thank God for each other and ask for His guidance in your relationship. Trust me, it makes a world of difference.
And when you’re feeling down or tempted, dive into the Word. There’s a lot of encouragement in there for couples who are striving to honor God with their relationship.
Conclusion: Resetting Sexual Boundaries
So, there you have it—a compassionate, humorous, and biblical guide to resetting sexual boundaries after they’ve been crossed. Remember, you’re not alone in this. God is with you, offering grace and guidance every step of the way.
Don’t let a slip-up define your relationship. Instead, let it be a stepping stone to a stronger, more Christ-centered bond. You’ve got this!
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