Picture this: you meet someone new, and suddenly the world feels brighter, every love song on the radio seems written for you, and you’re pretty sure the angels are arranging mood lighting just for your grocery-store run. Is this love? Or are we paddling in the much shallower waters of infatuation? For Christian singles, the difference between the two can make or break your journey toward a God-centered relationship. Let’s break this down—laughs, lessons, and maybe a few “aha” moments included.
Infatuation: The Glitter of the Heart
Infatuation is like a sparkler on the Fourth of July. It’s bright, exciting, and you feel like a kid again—until it fizzles out in your hand, leaving nothing but a wisp of smoke. That’s infatuation: a temporary emotional high based on idealized notions of someone.
Here’s the deal: infatuation often focuses on the surface. Their dazzling smile, the way they quote obscure Bible verses (or just know when to bring you coffee), or that absurdly good hair day they always seem to have. Infatuation thrives on fantasy, filling in the blanks with what you hope this person is, not necessarily who they are. In other words, you’re crushing on potential, not reality.
Love: The Steady Flame
Now, love? Love is the candle that burns steady. It illuminates, warms, and endures even when the room gets drafty. Love sees the person—flaws, quirks, and all—and chooses them anyway. It’s rooted in commitment, not convenience, and looks a lot like 1 Corinthians 13: patient, kind, selfless, and enduring.
Love doesn’t just ask, “How do they make me feel?” but, “How can I serve them and grow with them in God’s design?” It’s less about the butterflies and more about the foundation you’re building together.
How to Tell the Difference
So, how do you figure out if you’re giddy with infatuation or standing on the precipice of true love? Here are some markers to help you navigate the great divide.
1. Timing: The 90-Day Rule
If you’re overwhelmed by your feelings two weeks in, you might want to pump the brakes. Infatuation is often impulsive, racing ahead without a pit stop for reflection. Love, on the other hand, takes time to grow. It’s not just a sprint—it’s a marathon with God as your hydration station.
Quick Tip: Give yourself 90 days before labeling any intense feelings as love. This time lets the initial buzz settle, allowing you to see the person for who they really are, not who you imagined them to be.
2. Focus: Me vs. We
Infatuation asks, “How do they make me feel?” Love wonders, “How can we grow together in Christ?” Infatuation tends to revolve around personal gratification, while love seeks mutual edification. It’s not just about their charm or your heart’s acrobatics; it’s about whether you both inspire each other to be better for the Kingdom.
3. Depth: Surface or Soul?
Ask yourself: what do you actually know about this person? Infatuation clings to superficial qualities—looks, charisma, or how their laugh makes you feel. Love digs deeper. It asks about their values, their walk with Christ, and how they handle life when the going gets tough. Real love is more interested in their soul than their Spotify playlist (even if they do have great taste).
4. Conflict: Handle With Care
Infatuation avoids conflict at all costs, living in a perfect bubble where nothing goes wrong. Love doesn’t fear tough conversations. Love knows that conflict is inevitable, and it’s willing to work through differences with grace and understanding. Infatuation’s answer to disagreement is often to flee; love digs in, saying, “Let’s figure this out together.”
5. God at the Center
Here’s the clincher: is God a part of your relationship, or is this all about you and them? Infatuation often puts the person on a pedestal, creating an idol out of the relationship. Love keeps God in the driver’s seat, seeking His wisdom, guidance, and blessing every step of the way. Proverbs 3:5-6, anyone?
Biblical Wisdom for the Journey
Let’s sprinkle in some Scripture. Love as defined by God is beautifully depicted in 1 Corinthians 13. It’s not boastful or proud, it doesn’t keep a record of wrongs, and it always protects, trusts, hopes, and perseveres. Notice that none of these qualities sound like infatuation, which is fleeting, self-centered, and often blinds you to red flags.
Proverbs 4:23 also offers sound advice: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Infatuation can cloud judgment, leading you to open your heart too soon or to the wrong person. Love, however, aligns with wisdom and discernment.
Personal Anecdotes: Because We’ve All Been There
Raise your hand if you’ve ever fallen for someone based on a single conversation, or, worse, the way they led worship that one time. ???? Been there. Infatuation whispers, “This is it! They’re The One!”—even when you’ve only exchanged five texts and a high-five after church.
I once thought I was in love with a guy because he casually quoted C.S. Lewis in conversation. Turns out, he just memorized one quote to sound impressive. Lesson learned: don’t mistake intellectual chemistry for divine confirmation.
Practical Tips for Christian Singles
- Pray for Discernment: Ask God to reveal whether this connection is His will or just a fleeting crush. Sometimes, the Holy Spirit gives clarity where emotions only cause chaos.
- Seek Counsel: Talk to trusted mentors or friends who know you well and can offer an unbiased perspective.
- Observe Their Fruit: What’s their character like? Are they living a life that reflects Christ’s love, or are they just charming their way through interactions?
- Pause Before the Pedestal: Don’t idealize them to the point where they can’t meet your expectations. Remember, only God is perfect.
- Focus on Friendship: Before rushing into romance, build a foundation of genuine friendship. It’s amazing how much clarity you gain when you’re not blinded by romantic notions.
The Humor in the Haze
Infatuation might make you check your phone every five seconds for their text, while love will make you grateful when they ask if you need prayer for something specific. Infatuation leaves you jittery and distracted during Bible study; love reminds you to focus on the Word first, then them.
Infatuation feels like a romantic comedy where everything’s perfectly scripted. Love feels like real life—beautiful, messy, and blessed, with God directing the story.
Conclusion: Choose Love, Rooted in Christ
As Christian singles, navigating the line between infatuation and love is about more than just avoiding heartache—it’s about seeking relationships that honor God and His design for love. Infatuation is thrilling, yes, but fleeting. Love? Love lasts, grows, and glorifies.
So, the next time your heart starts racing, take a step back. Ask yourself if this is a sparkler moment or the beginning of something truly God-ordained. And remember: true love is worth the wait, the work, and the wisdom it takes to discern.
Now, go forth and love wisely. But maybe leave the C.S. Lewis quotes out of it—just in case.
Christian Singles Dating Advice
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