Pathological Liars: Are You Dating a Liar?

Pathological Liars: Are You Dating a Liar?

Pathological liars: Are you Dating a liarPathological liars are so good at lying that I pity the poor soul who is dating one, whether through an online Christian service like eHarmony, or some other way. What makes a pathological liar so different from every other big fat liar in a dating relationship?

Psychologists feel the answer is found in a paradox: Pathological liars may actually believe the twisted stories they tell their dates, but at the same time know that what they are doing is lying. What? Don’t worry about it, I don’t get it either.

All I do know is that to avoid heartbreak or worse, Christian singles should do their best to avoid such manipulative, compulsive liars. And some of these people are not just liars, they are crooks and liars. That’s what makes them so dangerous.

Singles who familiarize themselves with the schtick of a pathological liar have the best shot at evading becoming one of his or her “suckers.” Of course, since pathological lying is so believable, even if a person knows the tell-tale signs of a liar, they may still fall prey to this kind of jerk. Nevertheless, here is our “liar, liar, pants on fire” checklist of 7 liar signs to look for in your dating partner.

Pathological Liar Symptoms

  • Liars fidget a whole lot while they talk with somebody. Shifting foot positions, touching their face and mouth area, swaying, rapidly moving hands, and the like, are signs that the person feels uncomfortable while speaking with you, and could very likely be lying.

  • Liars find it almost impossible to stare you in the eyes while speaking with you. Rapid eye movements, and shifting them downward and to the right while the are talking are a strong keys they are not being truthful.

  • Liars tend to hesitate or stutter before answering a question. Often a bad liar will ask you to repeat your question in order to give them more time to make up a lie.

  • Pathological liars are extremely defensive when you question them. If they get overly defensive, asking a question in response to your question, proceed with caution.

  • Liars, especially if they are married or cheating on you, will mysteriously be unavailable for phone calls or e-mail responses. The will also exhibit other inexplicable behavior that makes you wonder if they are telling the truth. Believe your instincts if you feel this way.

  • Liars, no matter how pathological, will eventually get caught up in their own inconsistencies on things like employment, past relationships, talents, financial staus, etc.

  • All types of liars have a hard time giving a simple and short, direct answer. Most pathological liars love to spin stories mixed with truth and untruth in order to build credibility.

Ultimately, whether a single person meets a date through one of the top Christian dating services like eHarmony, ChristianMingle or Christian Cafe, or through a traditional dating path, it’s their responsibility to keep themselves from getting hurt or being deceived by a pathological liar.

Let’s keep our hearts open to romance and love, but let us also use godly wisdom. That’s why the Bible states in Proverbs 4:23: “Above all else, guard your heart, for out of it flows all the issues of life.”

Are you single with some dating experiences to share about pathological liars?

Related Posts:

Safety Dating Tips for Christian Singles
Dating Tip Advice: How to Spot a Dating Married Man
Good Christian Dating Relationship Signs
Dating Advice: When to Dump a Dating Relationship
Christian Singles Dating Unbelievers

Christian Dating Service

123 Comments

    • Tiffany

      If only I would have read this post 3 months ago. Well 3 months ago I thought I had met the guy of my dreams. He was handsome, nice,fun and and so on. The first time we talked we clicked ,so there was a second date then a third. It developed into a realtionship. I thought everything was ok. But to my surprise on Aug 17, 2006 I recieved a text message reply saying surprise this is his wife….I had a feeling he was lying so me and my mom went to the house and there was his wife and we talked. There\’s so much to this story but that doesn\’t even matter because the whole relationship was a lie, thank God I governed myself accordlingy, and followed God commands that christians should do when dating.

      I learned that when pathological liars get caught up in their lies they will do anything to cover their self even if it\\\’s to hurt someone they supposely care about. So Christian be careful with this. I\\\’ve learn you can\\\’t give your heart to everyone/ Ask God to show you things and if you ever find yourself questioning or having doubts, leave the person alone. It will save you from being hurt like I did. This was my first love and first serious boyfriend and being hurt isn\\\’t fun. God Bless, and remember that if we wait on God, all things will be added unto us if it is according to his will.

      • Kristan

        I could have saved myself from alot of crap that happened to me! Gee, I always knew there was something wrong with that guy. He sure built up his credibility by telling me half-truths [that sounds like an oxymoron].
        I have pretty much recovered from all of this, but I dont know if that person wil ever feel guilty…
        Come to think of it I have met like 3 pathological liars up to now, but He was the one who affected me the most because he rushed everything. I know now that I am an emotional fool.

        Thanx alot for sharing this info here, people are sure gonna learn and hopefully they will follow it through, rather than giving their relationships second chances or guesses.

        • David Butler Author

          Kristan-

          Thanks for sharing your heart. We have ALL made some bad dating decisions. The neat thing about all this is we can learn from our mistakes, as we trust the Lord to guide us into the relationship He is preparing for us.
          -David-

          • ken

            Some of your assessments may be off the mark. at least three of the symptoms you describe could just be SHYNESS or LACK OF SELF CONFIDENCE!

            • David Butler Author

              Ken-
              Thanks for sharing. Of course, as with anything else in life, we need to look at things with perspective and balance. We ourselves, or our date may have one or two of these “pathological liar” signs. The key here is whether they are cumulative and/or persistent rather than an isolated incident.

              Blessings,

              David

              • teresa

                Hi i have met someone who twists and turns stories to thir own advantage, with ego inflation watch out as these people can really make you feel you are the one in the wrong you are mad its not them its you dont be fooled by this everyone has difficult experiences it does not mean you are at falt get out give yourself a break and the truth will come
                this person wont leave me alone and they are already in a relationship and the lies just flow from their mouth, convincing me that its the truth fantacy mixed with reality well ending of story they are dumped, sometimes we stay in relationships as we get caught up in lonelyness but turn to a god of your understanding be fulfilled and move forward. the best is yet to come

                • Marie Perez

                  For all of you Christian young females or young males out there. Do not rush into a relationship without first getting to know the person very well. I am Christian woman that married a Christian man church goer that has a huge issue with lieing and making up stories. We went to therapy for this I tried to save my marriage. And four years later I have learened things that I never knew he kept from me. My point is that liars dont change.If you see someone with a lieing pattern RUN. I didn’t because I loved him he cried he begged me to give him a chance.Now we are heading for divorce. It is EXTREMELY PAINFUL for me.

                  However how can you stay with some you don’t trust? that you are going to question everything they do or say. When A person has a lieing problem it is just like a homosexual or a pedophile I don’t believe they can change and it gets worse with time.

                  Unless GOD does somthing radical and there is a true repentance they will never change. It is something they will have to fight with for the rest of there lives.

                  And it is sad for the person that has to deal with something of this calibar. You feel violated and extremely hurt when you fall in love and give it 100% and then you find out the person you married has been lieing to you from day one.

                  It’s like sleeping with a stranger.

                  I encourage anyone that is reading this if you are dealing with a new relationship and you see that the person is lieng from the beginning it gets worse.

                  My husbad was living a separte life from me. When I came to find out everything I did he still lies to me and denies everything that I have copies and evidence of.

                  A pathiological liar will never admitt to his lies. And end up lieing about everything. Then they lie with one lie to cover up for another lie. It is a HUGE WEB which once you are in this web you can get out.

                  Very sad. A liar of this calibar lies to everyone,I saw this pattern with my husband he lied to our business partner and to customers, he also lied to his family, his ex wife and ex girlfriends. This I learned throughout or relationship. It never ends.

                  I hope this can be of help to some of you out there. If I would have known this from the beginning I would have cut my loses and Moved on. Instead I stayed hoping and praying for a better outcome. The end results were hopless desperation on my part.

                  I got very hurt at the end.

                  • LITTLE DEBBIE SUE POWERS (DODD)

                    Hi, I have benn married three times to those who physically and emotionally abused me Just knowing someone out there is praying for me gives me new strength to be encouraged.

                    • Christia

                      Well one thing is for sure: If you are in love with a Pathological Liar, and you are trying to work things out, trust me its not worth it. I also was dating a Pathological Liar, and she told me storys after story. She had cheated on me with two men and could still come home and act and love me the same as if nothing was wrong. Pathological Liars are scary people because they feel no guilt from their lies and can keep the lies up until you call them out.

                      • nell

                        I was surprised to see how so many people were affected by pathological liars. I to was affected by one. I went on to match.com to find a relationship. I soon found myself dating a man that I knew through some of his friends. He told me on the first date that he had a psycho ex-girlfriend…I believed him and began a serious relationship. Months went by and then one of my friends found his supposely “psycho ex-girlfriend’s” myspace account. I looked at it and found out he was cheating on me with her. When I confronted him he denied it… It has almost been a year since we broke up and I’m still heartbroke. He still calls me and once has come to my house crying and telling me he is going to change, but he never does…I just keep praying that I will be able to find my true love and that I can trust my heart with another.

                        • David Butler Author

                          Dear Nelly:

                          We are praying for you. Thanks for sharing this heart breaking story. Just remember, the Lord has a plan for your life, including the person he wants you to be with. Please hang in there.

                          • David Butler Author

                            Theresa, Marie and Chris, Nell…Boy we could start our own small group here! Okay…we’ve all been affected by liars. I am praying that our Saviour heals us from this pain we are feeling. My other prayer is that our fears of running into another pathological liar will not keep us from becoming vulnerable in the future…

                            • Brittany Pander

                              I have been off and on dating a liar scine freashmen year in High school. He would tell some big lie about him getting into a fighgt with somebody. I believed it, and then I would hear from somebody that it wasn’t true. I would alsways be heart broken. Then he was always there for me. When ever I would try to move on and date somebody else he would comeup with another lie to make me feel sorry for him. It always worked. I have gotten back together with him thinking that hes changed. We have ben together for about a year now , and I just found out that all hes been telling me in this relationship about friends dieing and one of my ex’s beating him up was all a lie. I’m still really shocked and don’t know what to think. I’m really numb and don’t have any feelings about all of this. Then today at school one of me best friends got hurt by one of the lies that he told. And was trying to talk to it about with me. She felt that I didn’t care for her because I didn’t have anything to say back. So I wrote her a letter explaining what I think about all of this. He did tell me that he wants to get help. He doesn’t want to loose me. I believe that he will do whatever it takes. So I’m willing to stay with him ans suffer the because there is a good side that I fell in love with and is still in love with. I just hope and pray that everything will work out and he will get the help that he needs and will stop the lieing and just be better. Be aware that hes lieing. So if any of you are reading this and want to give me some advice as of what to do I will take any of it.

                              • Jenn

                                I was dating this girl for 4 years and i caught her in so many lies..she lied about her age and what she did for a living…right now we are trying to get back together but she keeps on having this girl stay over at her place on the weekend, i asked her to stop letting this happen because it makes me feel stressed…she still has this girl over infact she over at her place right now as i type and shes staying the weekend. I dont know if i want to do this to myself again but i love her and i want to be with her but i can’t believe a word that comes out of her mouth.

                                • Holly

                                  Hi. I am not dating but I am a christian. I had a pathological liar stay in my house for at least a year. While she was there she gave away one crucial sign that she was manipulating men on a christian dating service. She gleefully described going to her ex’s house and smashing all his dishes in revenge after dumping him,(by the way he was a chef). She geniunely laughed at his pain! Then she would go to multiple churches where she would dress up, boast and exaggerate stories, and pretend to be the perfect christian. Not only that but she refused to come to my church but insisted on going to another one. This was so she could lie and boast without any witnesses. Be careful of people who lack remorse and boast often!

                                  • Holly

                                    Hi Brittany this is for you. Living with a pathological liar for over 2 yrs has given me amazing insight. #1 The person will lie, exaggerate often and will believe in their own lies at the same time. #2 If you confront them about a lie they can easily become aggressive and violent. #3 They make up a lot of stories to garner sympathy because they have low self esteem. On the last day of having this woman in my house I confronted her about all the lies. She then started screaming and threatening to send one of our male house guests to jail for molestation. The final blow was when she said, “I never liked your family anyways”. I asked why did you stay here then? . . .”Oh, I needed the money and a place to stay”. So you see, a lot of liars only care about themselves, and how to get sympathy and money. They care nothing about you! So just cut them out of your life!!

                                    • Taylor

                                      I’m 19 and I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost a year and a 1/2. He lies all the time. I’m always finding out new things that aren’t true.. They could be little things like he said once that he had to get off the phone because he had to weed whack when really he was just taking a shower then he lies about big things like where he went to college. He said he went to this one college but then his parents wouldn’t pay for it anymore but in reality he went to a different school and failed out. He went as far as to make up a roomate. Once he said he didn’t have the movie that we wanted to watch because it was at his dorm…. the school he ACTUALLY went to didn’t even have dorms… I don’t understand it… I know I have to get out of this relationship but it seems hard.

                                      • BLOODFLOWER

                                        I STARTED HANGING OUT WITH THIS GUY. HE HAD A GF, AND SAID HE BROKE UP WITH HER. LATER I FOUND OUT HE WAS MAKING LOVE TO ME,THEN TO HER THE NEXT DAY. WEVE BEEN TOGETEHR FOR 4 MONTHS AND I FOUND OUT FROM HER THEY HAVE BEEN TALKING THE WHOLE TIME.

                                        I’M WEAK, AND I ASK GOD TO HELP ME BE STRONG AND LET HIM GO, BUT I FEEL THAT I NEED HIM … I THINK IT WILL GET WORSE BECAUSE HE’S SO MEAN AND EVIL, BUT YET SO CHARMING

                                        • Lisa

                                          I also dated a path. liar. He told a web of lies , added one lie on top of another. Once he got caught he promised to get help. He also had a severe substance abuse problem. He finally attended some AA meetings but then stopped. He lied about what he did for a living, he said he was a narcotics officer. But he wasn’t, it was a good lie though because he could be gone for long periods of time and use his job as an excuse. I would also recommend to get out as soon as possible these people are scary. He would say he would get help but then would not follow through.

                                          • David Butler Author

                                            Taylor and Bloodflower:

                                            Do yourselves some good by simply getting out of these relationships as soon as possible. Both of you are being abused by liars, and the longer you stay, the more painful the consquences. Do you need this this kind of guy?

                                            • nikki in NC

                                              I myself married a guy who is a pathological liar.. We’ve been married for 2 years and its taken ever bit of struggle in me to fight for this marriage. I married him after only 2 mths of dating so I didnt take the time to stop and get to know who he really was.. I wish i would have so I wouldnt be where Im at today. I have a 6 mth old son who will be witness to it off if I dont find my strength soon enough to get out.. Please help me pray that I find my way out, back to God.. Its tore me down long enough and he will never change..Always lying about things, from getting the oil changed in the car, saying he did when he didnt, to paying the ins. on our vehicles..saying he did when he didnt.. from going to his moms ..saying he didnt when he did.. all kinds of lies.. please help me pray…

                                              • Annie

                                                Firstly, I’m a Christian and my boyfriend is the son of pastors. It’s actually shocked me how you people lack forgiveness on this site. I’m sorry if I offend, but sometimes you need to learn to HELP those who are really in need, and these people are in need. Don’t turn your back on them even though it’s hard, they still need help. They lack self esteem and sometimes love. Are we going to turn our backs on them

                                                Here’s my story; I’m 18 years old and have been with a pathological liar four years now. I only figured him out about 8 months ago and have been encouraging him to seek help. He cheats (by getting emotionally attached to other girls). He seeks attention and pity from these persons as well as his family and friend by slandering my name. He even told them I was more evil that Satan! In fact, HE was the one who didn’t care about our relationship and would constantly hurt it, then lie to his friends and say I was the cause.

                                                At this point he’s been seeking psychological help and I’m here for him. I guess in the end of the day, it’s all up to the person and you. My boyfriend didn’t think he needed help, but I stood there, showing him the signs and the ill effects of his lifestyle. He finally came to the realisation that he had a problem. In fact, I told him he was a compusive liar and it was him who actually did research and corrected me by saying he shows signs of pathological lying.

                                                My point? It’s up you and the person involved. It all boils down to whether they realise they want help and are making a conscious effort and YOU have the will power and the endurnce to withstand hittin rock bottom and working all the way back up, for your fellow man. WWJD?

                                                • fred

                                                  some people think im a liar but i think im always telling the truth. who should i believe?

                                                  • HEATHER

                                                    I have been dating a guy for 2 years. He has a tarnished past(prison, abandoned by adoptive parents,gambling, theft). I try to understand and be forgiving with him since he trying to put all this behind him. He has never had a real family but he lies a lot. Most of the time it is about un-important things like not being at the golf course or a bar. I know he loves me and my kids that is no lie but I cant help but think maybe if he’d lie to me about small things he would lie about big things. Everyone who knows him says if his lips are moving he is lying. There have been quite a few instances that make me think he might be lying about another woman/women. I have never caught him but I have this strange FEELING he may be lying about not one but more than one. I love him dearly even though he is not truthful. I dont know what to do. His lies are stupid lies to cover more lies that lead to more lies. How he keeps up with the stories I will never know. I take pity on him and I am scared that is why I stay with him. Please pray that I figure out the right thing to do. He is not a “bad” guy. I just think he is really confused. He wants to get married and have a “family life” but I am scared to go this far until I am sure that he is not a pathological liar and a cheat.
                                                    Again please pray for me that I can find my way to the truth

                                                    • David Butler Author

                                                      Heather:

                                                      Thanks for your comment. Well, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and if others think it’s a duck….chances are it is a duck..or a big fat liar! You stay in the relationship because you are fearful? We are praying for the Lord’s wisdom…be encouraged!

                                                      • HEATHER

                                                        Well, the decision has been made. He didnt come home last night. He stayed out gambling and lost $3000. Why are some people so horrible and mindless of others feelings? Everything I have read on this post sounds so familiar to me. All of us should realize we are to good to be treated this way. Just because we are caring individuals people seem to take advantage of us. yES I AM FEARFUL OF HIM. He has had me followed and has spied on me before when we have split up. I plan to leave the house and get me and the kids out but he knows everyone in town and I am sure to be followed no matter where I go.

                                                        • Marie Yolanda

                                                          I have been with a patholigical liar for 2years,we break up off & on due to betrayal and recently because he got someone pregnant& he said he ” is facing his responsiblity”. This 28 year old w/ 5yr old boy only dated him about 2 1/2 months &he told me only slept w/her twice..a lie..of course. He says he loves me but he has to be with her since she is now pregnant. The girl does not believe that he has been seeing me at the same time and I have been w this guy …I can’t speak fluent spanish to tell her. This guy I have been seeing is wanting to have this family now because he just lost custody of his other child 5 year old fr previous relationship. I can’t have any more children…I already told him if he can be faithful to this girl then go for it..he has my blessing…but I think he just have the need at this time to have a kid of his own because he does not see his 5 ear old anymore…he was dealing w/ drugs and is alcoholic..but the other girl..helen does not know this…I feel responsible to warn her if she believes me…should I ????

                                                          • Teresa

                                                            Recently I met a guy at work. I have been hurt before and even though the red flags went up i stupidly ignored them. I believe he is married he has been staying at a motel room close to were I live and work. Just cant seam to put my finger on it but its bothering me

                                                            • Rebecca

                                                              I was in a relationship with this Guy for 14 mths. Throughtout the relationship, I have the suspicion about him lying as he is not available via phone and keep a lot of things to himself since he moved interstate to work. I finally found love SMS on his phone when he came for a visit. Long story…he also keeps close contact with his ex (what he claimed). I confronted him, he claimed the other girl knew about me and know we will get marry. Out of surprise, I called the other girl and found out she did not know about me at all, being hidden in the dark by him as well. I am devastated, but thank God for revealing his truth self to me before marraige. I praise God for loving and caring about me even though my heart is far away.

                                                              • mdb

                                                                What a dumb article. Most of your “tells” are attributes commonly displayed by nervous people, shy people, socially anxious people, introverts, etc, whatever you want to call them.

                                                                Telling people that they are signs of lying is just going to make it that much harder for the socially inept to reach out to others.

                                                                • Holly

                                                                  Hahaaa. What a dumb response. Unless you think its okay for me to lie to you and cheat on you and take all your money, well I could just say, Oh I’m just a normal non nervous person! What? Are you upset I took advantage of you? You should just be happy I’m not socially inept! lmao you’re pathetic mdb.

                                                                  • James

                                                                    I met a girl on the internet, we chatted for quite sometime then finally met, we went out a few times and really hit it off, we started telling each other about our families, she told me about a previous abusive relationship she had and also that she had a child in that relationship. This girl needs help and I don’t know how to go about helping her.

                                                                    • April

                                                                      I am a Christian single mom of two grown children and grandmother of 3 children. I was married to a “pathological liar” and sex addict. My father was also a sex addict. (I’ve gone to many, many classes on Christian counseling for recovering addicts, and have learned much about addicts of different types.)

                                                                      My daughter is now married to a pathological liar and a sex addict. They have 3 children. He has cheated on her from the very beginning, and has even bragged about having slept with over 100 women, some of them family members. His treatment of her and my grandchildren has broken my heart time and again. She knows he lies, and she knows he cheats on her, but she won’t divorce him. She’s left him and lived with me a couple of times, but she never actually starts divorce proceedings.

                                                                      I remember, even before they got married (at the age of 18), advising her not to become “unequally yoked” with a non-Christian.

                                                                      • Queen

                                                                        Wow, I just got ride of a suspected liar- he lied about money and prestige and even borrowed money and made promises and never kept them. Started arguments and wanted to be right all the time. I have never seen his house and then he asked to use my address- very suspicious- of course he claimed he had b een a victim of identy theft- yeah right

                                                                        • K

                                                                          I was dating a man who told a lot of lies until two weeks ago, when I found out he’d also been lying to and hitting on a woman less than half his age. I can’t change him, but I wish I could, because he does have some good qualities. I’m trying to figure out why I ignored so many red flags, and sat quietly while I watched him tell others things that I knew were untrue. What makes it worse is that we both attend the same AA meetings, and he sits there night after night saying, “I don’t cheat; I don’t lie; I do the Tenth Step every night.” The Tenth Step is when a person admits to whom he has hurt during the day and takes steps to make amends. When I caught this guy in the lie involving the other woman, I calmly asked him for an apology and he refused. Ouch.

                                                                          • Back up-girl

                                                                            I just find out the man I loved so much is married and has a girlfriend. He charmed me off my feet the first few months of knowing him. He was involved in a plane crash and had a kidney transplant. My heart really went out to him. As time past I noticed his stories had changed. He lied to me so much I still cannot believe it and don’t understand why I was his victim. He said he had been divorced for three yrs when I first met him, 11 months later he said two years. He said his ex-wife lived in a different state with their son, later I found out there was no truth to that and they just separated in June because his wife caught him having an affair with another woman. His wife moved out of the house and his girlfriend moved in. He said his kidney belong to his mother, later I found out it belonged to his father in-law. I prayed for three weeks asking God to reveal the truth about this man because in my heart I knew something was not right. He lied about where he lived, gave me his brother’s address. He told me there was no one else in his life and that I was the only one. After confronting him he continued to lie even more and at the end became really angry with me and said “how about you don’t call me anymore.” Needless to say I’m very hurt and don’t understand why he chose me to lie to. I know the Bible says to love but, at this point I feel hate for him. After finding out the truth , it’s almost as if the man I once loved no longer exists.

                                                                            • K

                                                                              In reading the messages posted in this site, and others, I realize that falling in love with a chronic liar happens to a lot of us. I need to address codependency issues within myself, because even though I ended the relationship with my ex-boyfriend after his latest round of lies, there’s still part of me that wants him back. I’d appreciate any advice or prayers any of you could give me. Thank you.

                                                                              • jacob

                                                                                Well here is my out put on it:

                                                                                I hate liars as well but to be honest find myself doing the same as them. I’m 27, white male. I had a nervous breakdown over my first GF. My family has never been one for much support (save but for my mother, but she just didnt have time for me or my brother after my parents divorced when i was 7).

                                                                                I dont know when to realy tell the truth because I fear no woman will want what I offer. I am working on bettering myself. Ii not saing im right to lie or even justified for it. I hate myself for it every time I do it cause it feel it lessens me as a man and my vow to God. but I can’t tolerate this perpetual isolation. Anyone got any ideas?

                                                                                • Holly

                                                                                  I also recently was involved with a pathological liar. I am a single mom – haven’t dated anyone in about 2 1/2 years and was definitely not seeking anyone or anything. I’ve had the most wonderful couple of years with my little son and growing my online business. I’ve been really focused on it and on being an honest person with my business and LIFE. So I met this man – he was so charismatic, just glowing and radiating. He acted like a Christian. He PRAYED with me. He sang my Christian music – he planned to move overseas with me (which is where I am currently living). The lies go on and on and on. Turns out I started noticing things and when he left here a week ago (left my house to return to the States where he has two kids and his job). …he left his email acct opened on my computer. THANK GOD for that. Turns out he is married and has been for 7 years.

                                                                                  It’s just really affected me. The worst thing – the thing that makes me the most upset and saddened is that he PRAYED WITH ME. He used God – acted like he was a Christian – as far as I am concerned he is evil. I have no idea who he was praying to but it makes me sick that he would use God in his lies and to get me to believe him 100%. Anyone else have experiences with someone like this? THe other crazy thing is that this guy is well-known online and in the motivational speaking market (like similar to Tony Robbins) and he goes around the world speaking and preaching about living a balanced honest fulfilled life. It makes me sick – it is so fake.

                                                                                  • David Butler Author

                                                                                    Dear Back-Up Girl, K and Holly:

                                                                                    Man, I am so SORRY you have been abused by a pathological liar. Know that our Team is praying for you all, and if you need referrals, or to talk to a counselor, please contact us through our site, and we will get in touch. God is in control and not the pathological liars of the world.

                                                                                    David

                                                                                    • Holly

                                                                                      Thank you David. Do you recommend any reading materials online or anything to help me work through this? I know my situation is not bad compared to people who have been stuck in relationships or struggling for years – but this man is the only person I’ve ever trusted completely and opened up to. I was in love with and completely devoted to a non-existant fabricated person.

                                                                                      I also wanted to say that I think it’s very good that Jacob posted on here. It takes guts – and I think he’ll be so much better off for dealing with these things. You take care Jacob!

                                                                                      • Back-Up Girl

                                                                                        David Butler,

                                                                                        Thank you for your offer on the counseling however I’ve placed this in God’s hands. After doing some research I believe I was dealing with a sociopath. I saw the “clinical traits” of a sociopath
                                                                                        listed online and Paul fits every trait I have listed below. I spoke to his brother for the first time a few weeks back and his own brother said “you will never in your entire life meet anyone with a darker soul”. This truly scares me that I was involved with a person like this and feel my only choice is to walk away very fast. I’m thanking God every day for revealing the truth to me about Paul. I pray with all my heart that God brings Paul to conviction, that He teaches him His ways and shows Him his path. This will be the only way I will feel what I went through was worth well. I pray that God stops him in his tracks when he sees another victim to prey upon. I pray that God protects every women Paul comes in contact with and I thank our Lord Jesus for answering my prayer. I hope know one has to go through what I went through but, I hope God makes good out of it.

                                                                                        I would not have been able to get pass this without God.

                                                                                        “clinical traits” of a sociopath

                                                                                        1. SUPERFICIAL CHARM — the tendency to be smooth, engaging, charming, and slick. Not in the least shy, self-conscious, or afraid to say anything. He never gets tongue-tied and has freed himself from the social conventions about taking turns in talking, for example.

                                                                                        2. GRANDIOSE SELF-WORTH — a grossly inflated view of one’s abilities and self-worth, self-assured, opinionated, cocky, a braggart. An arrogant guy who believes he is a superior human being.

                                                                                        3. NEED FOR STIMULATION (PRONENESS TO BOREDOM) — an excessive need for novel, thrilling, and exciting stimulation; taking chances and doing things that are risky. Often has low self-discipline in carrying tasks through to completion because he gets bored easily.

                                                                                        4. PATHOLOGICAL LYING — can be moderate or high; in moderate form, and will be shrewd, crafty, cunning, sly, and clever (in extreme form, he will be deceptive, deceitful, underhanded, unscrupulous, manipulative, and dishonest).

                                                                                        5. CONNING AND MANIPULATIVENESS — the use of deceit and deception to cheat, con, or defraud others for personal gain; distinguished from Item #4 in the degree to which exploitation and callous ruthlessness is present, as reflected in a lack of concern for the feelings and suffering of one’s victims.

                                                                                        6. LACK OF REMORSE OR GUILT — a lack of feelings or concern for the losses, pain, and suffering of victims; a tendency to be unconcerned, dispassionate, coldhearted, and unempathic. This item is usually demonstrated by a disdain for one’s victims.

                                                                                        7. SHALLOW AFFECT — emotional poverty or a limited range or depth of feelings; interpersonal coldness in spite of signs of open gregariousness.

                                                                                        8. CALLOUSNESS and LACK OF EMPATHY — a lack of feelings toward people in general; cold, contemptuous, inconsiderate, and tactless.

                                                                                        9. PARASITIC LIFESTYLE — an intentional, manipulative, selfish, and exploitative financial dependence on others as reflected in a lack of motivation, low self-discipline, and inability to begin or complete responsibilities.

                                                                                        10. POOR BEHAVIORAL CONTROLS — expressions of irritability, annoyance, impatience, threats, aggression, and verbal abuse; inadequate control of anger and temper; acting hastily.

                                                                                        11. PROMISCUOUS SEXUAL BEHAVIOR — a variety of brief, superficial relations, numerous affairs, and an indiscriminate selection of sexual partners; the maintenance of several relationships at the same time; a history of attempts to sexually coerce others into sexual activity or taking great pride at discussing sexual exploits or conquests.

                                                                                        12. LACK OF REALISTIC, LONG-TERM GOALS — an inability or persistent failure to develop and execute long-term plans and goals; a nomadic existence, aimless, lacking direction in life.

                                                                                        13. IMPULSIVITY — the occurrence of behaviors that are unpremeditated and lack reflection or planning; inability to resist temptation, frustrations, and urges; a lack of deliberation without considering the consequences; foolhardy, rash, unpredictable, erratic, and reckless.

                                                                                        14. IRRESPONSIBILITY — repeated failure to fulfill or honor obligations and commitments; such as not paying bills, defaulting on loans, performing sloppy work, being absent or late to work, failing to honor contractual agreements.

                                                                                        15. FAILURE TO ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR OWN ACTIONS — a failure to accept responsibility for one’s actions reflected in low conscientiousness, an absence of dutifulness, antagonistic manipulation, denial of responsibility, and an effort to manipulate others through this denial.

                                                                                        16. MANY SHORT-TERM RELATIONSHIPS — a lack of commitment to a long-term relationship reflected in inconsistent, undependable, and unreliable commitments in life, including marital.

                                                                                        • K

                                                                                          Jacob, it seems to me like you’re not being MALICIOUS in your lying, and you want to quit being dishonest, and that tells me there’s a lot of good in you. Good luck in your endeavor!

                                                                                          • Kat

                                                                                            Hi, I just wanted to expand on the point one fellow made about your assessments. I myself could easily be said to have the first FOUR of your “symptoms”, and the last as well if you consider only the “have a hard time giving a simple and short, direct answer” part of it. I am NOT a compulsive liar, in fact i lie very rarely. For me, it is all nerves. I am not good with people and in fact may have social anxiety disorder — which is something that appears to be more common than I had previously realized.
                                                                                            My point is, I think people need more than anything to trust their instincts and watch for inconsistencies, because if you meet someone that shows even most of the other symptoms, it doesn’t necessarily make them a liar, even if the symptoms persist. It may just mean they’re nervous.
                                                                                            I guess all a person can do is to trust oneself, because I believe that someone who is nervous from lying probably “feels” different to one’s instincts than someone who is merely socially anxious.
                                                                                            Perhaps I should ask some people how I come across to them, it would be interesting to know.

                                                                                            • jacob

                                                                                              jacob, do yourself a favor and live an honest life if a girl doesn’t want you because you have had emotional trouble you don’t want her. Everyone if they are willing top admoit has had emotional trouble and has not told the truth about something we are human we all fall short. but know that a relationship that starts with a lie will always lead to devastation on both parts. i myself have also lied on occasion to people about my husband or my past. my husband is a path liar and it embarasses me so sometimes i chose to believe his lies so i don’t have to deal with it and that is also lying. i have noticed my children do it sometimes too and i want to stop the cycle it is so hard because they love him. he causes me pain now just to be in the same room with him I am a christian but i have very hard time forgiving especially when i know ther is no way this will end only that i continue to act in a way that supports his lies and causes me to abandon what i know to be right. oh whwat a tangeled web we weave when we attempt to decieve. the truth is you cannot decieve the soul.

                                                                                              • jacob

                                                                                                well forgive if this post is a little odd. as i am typing it off my phone.

                                                                                                Why do women feel like they can tell you all of there problems and can be critical of your actions. but when you are honest with them in return is a big deal? Anyone hear the song called “policy of truth”? Why do women treat me like crap?

                                                                                                • Kharesea Beckworth

                                                                                                  I dated a man that was a huge liar he lied to me about his whole life. I welcomed him into my home and into my family he just doesn’t know the damage that he has did.

                                                                                                  • m. christos

                                                                                                    For all those ever involved with a pathological liar, I know and I understand.
                                                                                                    I was married to a pathological liar and did not know it for 10 years. He had the worst temper and used it to deflect what he was really doing. I was just a cover, a front because he is so into the depths of hell and depravity that I was totally shocked and disgusted. When you hear of women married to serial killers, you wonder, how come they didn’t know. Of course, now I can understand so completely. Pathological liars will stop at nothing to get their way. It is totally all about them and they do it by manipulating others into feeling sorry for them and by any other means they can. They will throw out so many stories, until one sticks and catches their prey. Predator is a more exact description of these dregs of society.

                                                                                                    When we were getting divorced , he even lied about where I worked. It was insane as of course that is so easily provable. The point is , pathological liars are only out for themselves, they are narcissists. They have lied and conned people for so long, they feel they can say anything and people will believe them because they have been getting away with their lies for years. Do be careful because pathological liars have no moral compass. They love getting over on people, especially people who do have moral values and are trustworthy. And remember, Our Father, will take care of pathological liars and will restore the years the locusts have eaten.

                                                                                                    Revenge is mine. I shall repayeth, saith the Lord.
                                                                                                    Let God be God and handle them. He knows exactly what is a fitting and perfect justice.

                                                                                                    Thank God our eyes were open.
                                                                                                    The truth is painful at times but it sets us free not to live in captivity anymore.

                                                                                                    There are good men out there as not all are pathological liars!
                                                                                                    Trust in God.

                                                                                                    • grace

                                                                                                      I think I might have just dodged a CANNONBALL (ie, relationship with a pathological liar.)

                                                                                                      Thank you for this site!

                                                                                                      • Msimprove

                                                                                                        Hello! Reaging pathological liars, I’m training to be a psychologist. Must people lies from time to time. Alot of time people know the truth, and because lying have become such a habit people find themselves lying regular and alot of time the lying becomes out of control. Then what?It destroys you,eventually as a person, and alot of times it Hurts the people thats close to you(Your Heart). For all the people who really looked deeply in themselves and realize that Lying is a big issue in your life and you want to get help. That is a great step, the number one thing is you must admit and come to realization that hey I am hurting myself more and I am destroying myself and others. There is help and you can change that part about yourself if you really want to, its hard work but you can do it.

                                                                                                        • Tish

                                                                                                          In regard to Pathological Liars, I feel so stuck, I have been dating this guy for almost 3 years and we have 2 kids together, he has been lying to me ever since we got together andI never know what to believe from him. He recently lied to me and I am so fedup, but I love him so much. I feel stuck and I dont know what to do. I know he is a good person, he has had a lying problem since a child and he openly admits it, please help.

                                                                                                          • mi

                                                                                                            Well i dated a pathological liar for 8 years…only caught him now… and he is Christian…my heart is constantly breaking… it was a break up I was not prepared for but had to do for my own sanity. Kindly lift me up in prayer, as there are days that i am just without hope.

                                                                                                            • Leena

                                                                                                              Sorry it ain’t that easy!I became married 23yrs ago to a pathologicla liar.I just discover his true colors after 23years!!!!!!He can llok me STRAIGHT in the face and not flinch.His parents were worship leaders.they also lerd a Bible study and I meant him through there…

                                                                                                              Here is my wisdon so HEED IT ladies!!! The Holy Spirit was tellling me “NO!!!” ButI just thought it was gear and I didn’t want to be like my non commital brother…
                                                                                                              Now my little boy is starting tyo lie[age 10]….

                                                                                                              the good news is I htink my husband can change.I have had Crhitian proffesionals tell me he can..but he has to get honest.Please pray for him.I cannot reveal his name in here of course.

                                                                                                              He is doing pyscological abuse to me which I consider worswe than a fist on my face because it makes you doubt your sanity.

                                                                                                              thank you for your prayers if anyone is listening..

                                                                                                              • Tommy

                                                                                                                i was engaged to pathological liar. i dated this girl for almost 2yrs and engaged for last 6 months. she made me feel like so special. but time to time i know something wasn’t right. she was lying about a lil things. and always worrying about me, when i was at work. keep calling me everyday 5 or 6 times day. after we moved in together she called me, if i was 5 min. late coming home. she is all mad and said “what are you doing why you are not home yet”. soon as i got home she is just fine and said “i’m sorry that i got mad at you. i just missed you so much”. i knew something wasn’t right, but she made me think that she really love me. i send her to school and even paid her daughter’s daycare so that she could go to school. i did everything for her. so that we could have good life together after she finsh school. about 2 weeks before she was done with her school. she moved out on me. when i was at work. and about two weeks after she moved out, she called my friend and said she just got married. i don’t understand why she have to call my friend. she got married to a guy that going to iraq with in month or so. and her ex husband called me up few days after that and said she told him that i was abusing her and her daughter and she just moved out so he doesn’t have to worry no more, because she is with someone that wonderful to her and her daughter. he said he know she is lying and she told everybody about he was abuive husband, too. so i don’t have to worry about it. he told me thanks for raising his daughter, she was doing good when i was in her life. and he also said she is been married twice before she met me. witch i didn’t know about. 2nd guy was in army, too and she married him right before he went iraq and when he got back she was gone. i don’t know how some people could live life like that. now i know who she really is but its still hard to let it go. just keep thinking about good memories that i had been with her.

                                                                                                                • Amy

                                                                                                                  I lost my kids because I beleived a narcissist liar. I can’t beleive I just spent 3 years being the victim of a narcissist at such a great cost.I hope my kids will forgive me. I am so sorry.

                                                                                                                  • Marilyn

                                                                                                                    In regard to pathological liars, the first meeting there was a connection, a lot of chemistry, with this man i did notice his eyes would constantly move from side to side when he spoke to me and he has shaky hands, it sorta made me back off, i thought maybe drugs/alcohol addiction. He was constantly working on my heart, constant texts, emails, phone calls, he worked on me for 3 mths until finally he got me hooked, even took me to a jewelry store wanting to buy me a ring, he wanted to leave his wife and marry me..i should have listened to the red flags in the beginning. , I am still wondering how someone could do this to me and how stupid could i have been..I almost contacted his wife, but decided it was not worth it. This man even got my family involved had lunch with my son, told my Daughter in law how much he loved me and would be in the family soon. This man is 53 yrs old and I am 58 yrs old. I still am hurting. My heart would not survive another relationship and I won’t trust anymore.

                                                                                                                    • Jessica R

                                                                                                                      I’ve read through all of these posts about pathological liars and have realized my situation is soooo much worse than I thought. My husband of 4 yrs has betrayed me too many times and it has changed the person I truly am. He talks to other women… via phone, text and instant messaging. When I confront him and I have physical proof of it, he still denies it. It’s unreal! His stories or versions are always so absurd and he starts getting mean when I confront him. He usually lies to me about things that he thinks will upset me. I know when he lies he is not trying to make me feel bad, he is just making himself feel better for his actions. I honestly think that he starts to believe his lies. I get more upset about the lying than the actual event or whatever. Do these pathological liars actually think that we believe all this? I guess the real problem is that we (people with actual morals) let them keep doing this to us. Maybe we are the ones with the problem.

                                                                                                                      I know it is not as simple as just walking away. We love these people… give them the benefit of the doubt time and time again and actually believe them when they finally break down and they tell us they will get help.

                                                                                                                      I’m so torn because I absolutely, truly love the man. I know he loves me. He’s never cheated… talked dirty or anything like that to these women. He just talks to them…. for attention maybe and he hides it. The hiding and lying makes it sooo suspicious. We have fought over this issue the past 3 yrs and he isn’t getting any better. My heart cannot take anymore surprises like this. Now he wants to go to counseling for his lying. But after reading all these posts it sounds like they will never change. And even if he does, I don’t know how long I will have this sick feeling in my stomach not knowing truly what is going on.

                                                                                                                      What to do? Any advice from those who have been here? Should I give therapy a run or just walk away? There is a little one involved. If she wasn’t in the picture I know i wouldn’t have lasted this long. Be compassionate or have I been forgiving enough?

                                                                                                                      • Karen

                                                                                                                        Hi, I just found out after two years of being with my fiance and 1 year of being engaged he lied to me about his employment. Apparently an ex girlfried got him fired and in the beginning of our relationship I had some emotional issues and treated him unfairly until I realized how I was treating someone that didn’t do anything to me. He felt I was emotionally unsable and everytime he would tell me something I was critical and judgemental. After I got help and on the right meds I began to realize this man was a good hearted person and he wasn’t going to take my abuse anymore, so after 2 years of being together I found out he wasn’t employed at where he first told me. Some days it bother’s me and some days I remember how crazy and emoatinal I was. Help I don’t know what to do. I do love him very much and I do 100% know he feels the same. thanks, K

                                                                                                                        • Samantha

                                                                                                                          I was dating a pathological liar up until very recently when he broke up with me and that night was out with his ex-girlfriend. Simply because I caught him in more lies and confronted him he wanted to run away, like always. Turns out he’s been seeing his ex for the past few weeks(about two weeks before he and I broke up). Then he called me and told me how sorry he was, only to be back out with her spending the night at her place again. His mom even tells me to move on and that I deserve better. But I love him. I can’t escape from that. Part of me really wants to make it work, but the other part of me is saying it’s not going to because he will not change. I hope to God he does. Because I love him. And life is nothing to me without such. If that means I have to put him before myself until he gets better, I will, I suppose. I can’t help it — I love him with all of my heart.
                                                                                                                          ~Samantha

                                                                                                                          • jewell

                                                                                                                            Samantha
                                                                                                                            I truly feel your pain and even down to cracks in your heart. Please do not waste any more tears on him. Pray for his soul and his ex girlfriends and move on. It will hurt it will tear you to pieces but fortunately Jesus is there waiting to put your broken heart back together. Ask him to help your loneliness and your feeling of insignificance because you do matter to Christ and since he never leaves or forsakes you you are never alone.
                                                                                                                            Please dont give in to Satans trash, I did for so long and it only wronched my heart even more. I do know it is hard but Christ can overcome it for you.
                                                                                                                            Love you soul
                                                                                                                            Jewell

                                                                                                                            • Mickey

                                                                                                                              I broke up with a pathological liar 1 year ago and am still struggling to let the anger go. It is something I pray about a lot. I sympathise with everyone else who has been in this situation. At the time I knew his stories didn’t add up but he was so good at arguing back and turning it on me and making me feel ot trusting him that in the end I would give up to keep the peace. EVen when I broke up with him it was months and months of phone call stalking telling me that he had brain tumours and was going to kill homself.

                                                                                                                              In those points up the top of this page it says that you can pick a liar by the way they figit and don’t make eye contacty and stutter. I’m afraid that is not always the case. A true pathological liar becomes so involved in their lies that they don’t flinch when they lie or are covering that lie with another lie. My ex could look me straight in the eye and lie.

                                                                                                                              Thank you to everyone for sharing on here. It has helped me to not feel so alone in this.

                                                                                                                              • mina

                                                                                                                                well I can definitely agree with that. Pathological liars lie so well until you almost become aware that it’s an addiction just like a addict of substance, an addict of food and any other addiction. I think they believe their own lies so it dosen’t matter if you believe them or not because in their mind “it’s the truth”. I feel the only way for them to be helped is through the divine power of prayer (lots of prayer). I almost feel sorry for a person whos whole life consist mostly lies until they don’t even understand that they have a serious problem that most likely result in major issues if they don’t @ some point learn how to be truthful.

                                                                                                                                • Mickey

                                                                                                                                  I need to say to Samantha that you need to get away from that guy. I know you love him now and you are still emotionally attached but that will subside one you get away from hima and move on. You deserve better that that for youself and you need to love yourself enough to believe that you do deserve better than that.

                                                                                                                                  He has cheated on you and lied to you. He won’t change that unless he really wants to and it sounds to me like he doesn’t. He will keep treating you like crap because you let him.

                                                                                                                                  I felt sorry for my pathological lying ex for a couple of weeks and now I don’t at all. He has made those decisions for his life and he can deal with it and without me being in his life.

                                                                                                                                  Please be strong.

                                                                                                                                  • Rider

                                                                                                                                    I think a ton of this stuff if very wrong and really damn hurtful. You do not understand the first thing about pathological liars. There is a big difference between a pathological liar and an ass of a man or woman who lies all the time to be unfaithful or for any other harmful/deceitful reason.

                                                                                                                                    I came to terms with the fact that I was a pathological liar a few years ago, and it was a problem that I had since I was young. My memory is often patchy, and every now and then I realize that certain memories that I had (not very big or important ones mind you) didn’t actually happen. It is very scary when you realize that memories you had were actually constructs of your own mind. I only realized and accepted it as a problem when I realized that my first instinct to answer many questions asked to me was to lie. Things like shifting the time five minutes ahead or lying about what I ate for dinner a few nights ago. These kinds of things don’t matter, and it makes no sense to lie about them! I make myself stick to all promises I make, so that was my loved ones have a fail-safe to know that I am being genuine. Having adult ADHD/ADD combination doesn’t really help things along, especially when people use wrong “lie detection techniques” as stated in your “Pathological Liar Symptoms.” You have a few points of truth in that list, but i guarantee you that if you are dealing with a pathological liar, most of that list won’t apply to them. If you reject someone that the above list “applies” to, then you have either just alienated an ass that isn’t worth dating, or more likely by your list, a quality person with attention or nervousness issues with whom you could have had a connection.

                                                                                                                                    It is not an easy thing to tell anyone, let alone someone you are dating and/or love, that you are a pathological liar or once had a problem with it. Often when you put your trust in people to open up about this kind of problem, from that point on they walk on eggshells all the time wondering whether or not they are being truthful or faithful. If that person was truly that deceitful and wrong, he/she wouldn’t have mentioned that they had the problem in the first place! They would have kept it to themselves to continue getting away with lying. Even if they don’t open up about it, that doesn’t mean they are deceitful, mean, or evil. It is hard to realize when it is a real psychological problem, and even harder to tell anyone for fear of never being trusted with ANYTHING ever again. I didn’t want to lie to my girlfriend about anything, and I have to continue to fight not to do so. When I first told her I had a problem with pathological lying, I was hesitant and scared to death that she was going to leave me and never talk to me again. If that would have happened, I would have lost one of my closest friends, my partner, and the love of my life. She didn’t judge me, and she agreed that she believed if I was trying to deceive her, I wouldn’t have told her I had a problem. I believe that has made us closer.

                                                                                                                                    I am not condoning lying or cheating by any means. Honestly, I think that being unfaithful in a relationship is one of the worst things possible, because the act of cheating directly hurts the one person who gave their heart away only to have it crushed by the one they loved. I am just pointing out that pathological lying is commonly used to describe a person who lies frequently and isn’t trustworthy because they are deceitful. This is not the case. If you want to reword this article “Demon in the Flesh: Are You Dating a Liar?” or simply just “Are You Dating a Liar?” I would be perfectly fine and supportive. However, if you are going to put up a medical/psychological condition of which someone doesn’t have full control over and then rant about how these people are worse than actual liars and cheaters, I pray for you as you are casting judgment upon others and incorrectly at that.

                                                                                                                                    • Peaches

                                                                                                                                      Dear Rider, I agree with you that some of the comments posted doesn’t necessarily sound like the people they dealt with were pathological liars. You say you were one and have worked through it with your girlfriend. Maybe your case wasn’t as severe. You probably had a compulsive lying disorder. This is different from being a being a pathological liar. I’m no shrink by any means, but I dont think a pathological liar can cure his or herself. Not on their on anyway. If you are truly cured, congratulations. Now, to Mickey, I hope you read this, as it’s been a while since you last posted. I completly understand where you’re coming from. Your comments sound so much like what I went through and still have problems with but it’s tapered down a bit. I dont know how long that is going to last. My ex was a pathological liar or should I say is a pathological liar. These liars are good at making you feel guilty when you know you are not guilty. I’ve been through what you’ve been through. They are so good at getting what they want and they could care less who they hurt in the process. They lie about any and everything. My ex would call me repeatedly too. Making up story after story trying to make me feel bad. Sometimes I feel like an idiot for falling for him, but I believe everthing happens for a reason and one day I will understand. My ex knew how to con people including me. He was emotionally and verbally abusive at times. He always claimed he loved me and would never leave me. The longer I stayed with him, the harder it was to get out. He still calls me at work telling more lies trying to get me back. I’ve have not heard from lately though. To end this, my advice to anyone involved with a pathological liar is to get out fast! I was hurt emotionally and finacially. I could write a book.

                                                                                                                                      • Amanda Monette

                                                                                                                                        I can relate, my son’s father is a pathological liar also, and the bible states that Stan’s native tongue is lying and that pretty much sums it all up.

                                                                                                                                        God Bless all for staying strong.

                                                                                                                                        • JDP

                                                                                                                                          You are wrong about the signs pathological liars show when lying. They are not nervous or uncomfortable and they have no problem looking you in the eye. In fact, they often sound more convincing than a “normal person” who is telling the truth, since the normal person may be worried about not being believed.

                                                                                                                                          Contrary, a pathological liar is not worried about being caught lying. It’s like they can not grasp the possible consequences of getting caught.

                                                                                                                                          • CB

                                                                                                                                            For those who are pondering leaving a liar – Yes, it’s difficult. I did it, though, and if I can do it anyone can. I’m weak, gullible, extremely naive. But, I did it. I made it through emotionally by planning ahead to fill those times with replacements. One good to break a bad habit (treating a bad relationship like a bad habit) is to replace it – like replacing cigarettes with gum. Not magic, but it sure helps.

                                                                                                                                            Figure out, when are you going to feel the most lonely? Right after work? Arrange to meet friends for supper after work, or invite friends over if you can’t afford to eat out. If you have kids, find others with kids and it will be easier to make play dates for the kids while the adults talk. But, beware, it will be difficult and painful. What I truly see now is what I thought before was difficult WAS HELL. I thought I was in a difficult relationship, that I should just try harder, stop complaining, etc. But, now that I”ve been out of it for years, I realize now that I was going through complete hell that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy (even him). He kept calling after I left, but as my life started to improve, was starting to be around NICE people, life was beginning to get just so much better that the longer it went on the less tempting his phone calls and emails became. I changed my phone number, rejected his emails, didn’t even read, sought CARING people (they’re so much more fun to be around!!!), and listened to the advice of older people with experience. BEWARE of advice from people who are in relationships that they have to try hard at. There are many people who say that if one works hard on a relationship it will eventually work. That only works if the other person is genuine, and people who have no guilt conscience will NEVER care, and the relationship will NEVER, unless you consider accepting cheating and lying as a working relationship. Work all you want and you will only be drained, depressed, and die very young.

                                                                                                                                            So, how do you spot a liar? The signs given above are good, yes they are sometimes for nervous people who are telling the truth. But, sometimes you can tell a lie if someone does those things and usually is a calm person. HOWEVER< a truly pathological liar is very charismatic and their lies are told with more calm and confidence than their truth. It’s weird, but serial killers and pathological liars are not like other people and you really cannot tell when they are lying by their mannerisms. Truly pathological people often pass even a lie detector test. BUT, if you notice when their stories don’t match up, that’s the only way to tell. Have you called their work, found out they weren’t there, then asked them how work was? If they lie like THAT, when you have evidence that they were NOT at work and later they say that they were, that is the only way to find out a pathological liar. EVIDENCE.

                                                                                                                                            We all want to blame the victim, see signs, because if we can blame the victim it feels like we are more in control. Like rape victims, even WOMEN will say, “she was dressed scantilly” or whatever, because they want to believe that if they dress a certain way it won’t happen to them. But the truth is, oftentimes victims were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. The sad truth is, we can’t tell a pathological liar from an honest person by their mannerisms, no matter how much we may want to. They’re good at what they do. They only way is to keep your eyes open for inconsistencies and evidence of lies.

                                                                                                                                            Like the woman in this post who checked the email, sometimes we have to check stories to find out if people are liars. However, if you check stories and you find someone that tells the truth consistently, it is time to trust.

                                                                                                                                            • Luka Magnotta

                                                                                                                                              All I wanted was to have a mature enough boyfriend to include me in his life. Im so tired of fighting to have a normal relationship.

                                                                                                                                              I just want a boyfriend that couldve stood up for me.

                                                                                                                                              I wanted a boyfriend who WANTED to go for walks with me, play basketball with me, go to the beach with me, go to movies with me, suppers with me and spend quality time with me and FORGET about his friends and what they were doing….but enjoy ME!

                                                                                                                                              I guess that was too much to ask, all I got was him asking me to have sex with strangers in bathhouses and on craigslist and lies.
                                                                                                                                              His one retarded friend was jealous of our relationship and friendship and so he tols everyone he say me on T.V and ruined any of my chances of having a friendship with his buddies.

                                                                                                                                              My boyfriend is too blinde to see that his “best friend’ was jealous of our friendship/relationship and he was spreading rumors.

                                                                                                                                              My boyfriend always cared more about his friends feelings then mine.

                                                                                                                                              I always felt like I loved him more then he loved me and I always had to fight to make him warmer to me. I remember in the beginning he would love to lay and look into my eyes. now its a chore and an argument. That’s how I know he’s a phony.

                                                                                                                                              • California

                                                                                                                                                Wow! Talk about pathological liars! Everything happens for a reason, like coming across this page. Where do I begin? Well, I have known this pathological liar/guy since I was in grade school, lost touch for years and got back into contact. We were friends and somehow a romance developed. He lied about getting his education, getting into a car accident(calling me always stating he was in the hospital), having a kid, and his occupation. When I found out he was lying, I called him out on it and asked him why he’s lying about those things. He seemed as if it was nothing and excuse was, I am embarrassed and so it’s like he had to create it to make him sound so much more appealing to impress me.

                                                                                                                                                BUT there is no excuse, you shouldn’t take severe lying as an excuse. 6 months later it seems he doesn’t lie anymore, but the problem is that lack of trust. You know it in your gut when he starts lying again about stupid stuff. So ask yourself, when you marry this person someday can you honestly deal with the lying? That would be a life in hell. A couple of my friends married pathological liars, 10 years into it they can see a ‘slight’ change, but everything is still uncertain. Plans still change, lies still creep in. So as hard as it is, you need to do the right way and keep faith in God. It’s all in your gut and intuition. Love does not lie, it is patient and kind. Emotional abuse, tempers, lying…that’s the work of evilness. God put this pathological liar in our life for a reason to magnify something within ourselves, so take that lesson..have no hatred or regrets and RUN before you invest years of your life.

                                                                                                                                                • Jodi

                                                                                                                                                  Dear California,

                                                                                                                                                  You are right in everything that you are saying. Is the person that you are speaking about a Christian? It doesn’t sound like it. We all make mistakes. Christians are no exceptions. From your comment though, it doesn’t seem like this person has any regret or repentance in his heart. The best thing you can do is pray for him and minister to him. Romance with this person is not a good idea until he comes closer to God and invites the Holy Spirit into his heart.

                                                                                                                                                  God Blesss,
                                                                                                                                                  Jodi

                                                                                                                                                  • tina

                                                                                                                                                    Pathological liar! I thought I was the only victim. I am a person who is in relationship with a pathological lair for 9 years, I got married to this person 4 years back. Everyday he kept telling small and big lies. but I didn’t know what to do. I was in a stage that I couldn’t live without him. Whenever I confronted his lies he used to lose his temper and slowly started emotionally and physically abusing me. I was trapped. I couldn’t tell this to my family. and I still love him deeply.

                                                                                                                                                    • California

                                                                                                                                                      Thanks Jodi. He is not a Christian and doesn’t really believe in God–so what on earth am I doing? I guess I fell in love with him and because I’ve known him since grade school.

                                                                                                                                                      Tina–wow. I really need advice because he says he’s going to do whatever it takes to be with me and marry me. However, he is using the same tactic. Is there any possible way we can all email each other for support?? Try to get in touch with me ladies, I think we could use talking to each other for support.

                                                                                                                                                      • tina

                                                                                                                                                        hi california,
                                                                                                                                                        I can very well understand your situation.you know he has lied to you and still lying to you.you are stuck between your love for him and his character.

                                                                                                                                                        If your instinct say don’t marry this guy,follow that.always follow your instinct,because evenafter you get married to him hoping he would change,your instincts will come up whenever he lies to you and that will spoil the relation.both of your life wil get ruined.

                                                                                                                                                        Have you heard the story about a frog and a scorpion.its the best example for our situation.no one changes their behaviour,one day or the other it will show up.

                                                                                                                                                        From my experience I’m telling u,Just run away from him,never mind what he says,it your life your future.you will definitely get a god fearing man.I never listened to my instinct and now I’m suffering,i surrender everything to god.

                                                                                                                                                        Think well and act wise.
                                                                                                                                                        I wish you get the best.
                                                                                                                                                        God bless

                                                                                                                                                        Tina

                                                                                                                                                        • Alexis

                                                                                                                                                          Okay well, im 16 years old and my boyfriend is 17. I do believe he is a pathological liar. He says so many crazy and insane stories, I just want to smack him in the face! My friend even agrees. And he’s the one who showed me this site, and said my boyfriend could be like this. I looked at the symptoms and I started to cry because Jason fit almost all of them. One of his stories is he fought a tree, and lost. Also that he has a squirrel friend running around the neighbordhood wit a knife and pirate eye patch. He also lies about how many friends he had on myspace, that was an easy lie to figure out. He even makes up the weirdest comments to people… i can’t think of any right now though, sorry. And when i try to say something to him, it’s like he’s trying to get me to be quiet and let him do the talking still. HE’S BASICALLY THE ONLY ONE WHO TALKS IN THE RELATIONSHIP!! We have been dating for almost 6 months now. I try to get a word in and when I do, he sucks in his breath and says, No.. and blah blah blah. I don’t know what to do with him. I want to bring this up to him, but I don’t know how. I know that if I dont tell him this, this will lead to our downfall, and I don’t want to break up with him. We say we love each other with all our hearts, and that we won’t leave each other.. but honestly, I don’t think we know what love is.
                                                                                                                                                          And in his other relatioship, he did the same thing and he even got engaged to her and he said he will always be with her. Well, it was a bitter end to that relationship.
                                                                                                                                                          Please??!! help me someone. tell me what to do…im desperate

                                                                                                                                                          • Violet

                                                                                                                                                            Oh, dear, I fit pretty much all the outward symptoms of a pathological liar except the inconsistencies part, and even that I might fit if I told a person only a small part of a story for brevity’s sake and the a different part of the same story another time when it became relevant–yet I really try very hard to be honest in all my dealings with others! I’m a very timid, perfectionistic person–with mild audio dyslexia on top of it that makes it challenging to HEAR what people asked/said to me and almost impossible to “go with the flow” of conversation–and I really hope I do not end up simply looking dishonest when I am trying my hardest to communicate with others. I guess it doesn’t matter in a dating context at this point because I’m not in a relationship and I doubt any of the local men want to date me or they would have asked already.

                                                                                                                                                            I know a little bit about pathological–or is it compulsive?–liars due to my sister’s tendency to date them. They tell her exactly what she wants to hear, even when she has already caught them lying about both extremely unnecessary little things (like how late they stayed up playing a video game) and huge messes (like cheating with a man, drug dealing…). So many lies unraveled, so many tears of betrayal shed… Even if the person she finds out she’s dating is completely different from the mask she fell in love with, she’s so eager to forgive and go back for more. I don’t understand!
                                                                                                                                                            I wish I understood. Then maybe I could say something helpful to Alexis and the others above. I don’t understand what kind of love holds together people whose relationship does not even allow them to express themselves to one another mutually. Maybe I’m too inexperienced with other people to understand things like this? I hope your lives all play out well regardless.

                                                                                                                                                            • CarpeDiem

                                                                                                                                                              From my very recent and painful experience, I have learnt that liars are totally smooth operators. Under the guise of honesty,
                                                                                                                                                              they can tell you ‘truths’ and because it seems so wonderful that they are voluntarily being so ‘honest’ about their murky past. I was too trusting, because I was impressed by the ‘honesty’ and thought ‘this guy may have done terrible things in his past, but at least I know about them and how repentant he is for them’. I was sucked in and I learnt the very hard way. There were far worse truths that he hid from me, and ultimately this has led to my heart being broken repeatedly and my life being endangered.

                                                                                                                                                              One lesson I have learnt is: Do not trust a man who does not trust you. He is untrustworthy – a liar. If he spends his time asking suspicious questions (often with an air of interest in you, but he is really trying to discover any nasty things in your past), I have found it is because he has many suspicious things to hide himself. He is deflecting the blame. It is very hard for a liar to believe another person is telling the truth, as he can’t help but tell frequent lies himself. He thinks you are like him. It is extremely exhausting to deal with. Ultimately you get extremely hurt, because the ‘truths’ you get told are the convenient ones which won’t jeopardise the relationship, and the real truth is so much worse, and in my case, dangerous.

                                                                                                                                                              If a person seems too good to be true, sadly that is likely to be the case. A persons’ good intentions do not mean that they actually are a good person. Words are cheap but actions are telling. It is very hard to gauge the latter if you have a long-distance or web-based relationship. A bad egg may want to become a good one, but it’s very difficult to change after years of pathological lying – even for those who have come to know God. Good things take time – do you want to suffer in the meantime for all of his bad choices? Do you want to be repeatedly hurt? It’s not a place I ever wish to go back to. Our lives are worth more than that. Don’t sacrifice yourself at the altar of someone else’s evolution – I don’t believe that is God’s plan for us.

                                                                                                                                                              • lori

                                                                                                                                                                i had an exboyfriend for 5 years and this guy lied more than anyone i ever knew.this one ruined me financially, physically(pacemaker now) emmotionally. my doctor saw the signs and told me to get out fast. This man played the role to get a large sum of money out of me and then told me when i asked for it back he told me that i was a fool to even lend it to him. The love i thiught we had was a lie also, and other things i could go on & on. we have a child together so i still have to listen to his lies. and i have proof for all his lies and now he is going to be put to a stop. stealing from me like he did is stealing from my children too. you don’t do that. i wish i could go back and change things so this would have never happened. HE WILL GET CAUGHT TRUST ME. God Bless and a Happy New Blue moon year.

                                                                                                                                                                • Rachel

                                                                                                                                                                  I wish I’d found this site sooner, though I was in love and probably wouldn’t have believed the man I loved would keep lying constantly.

                                                                                                                                                                  I married him, married for 7 years, together for 11 years and 3 children. I knew he lied a lot. He was very promiscuous before meeting me. He was sexually agressive with me, always trying to get me to do more sexual things while dating and even while married (he’s the only man I’ve ever been with).

                                                                                                                                                                  He just dropped a bomb 5 weeks ago that he had sex with 8 people last year! Some were men, some were women, all unprotected!! Praise God the STD tests have been negative!

                                                                                                                                                                  He is a sex addict, has done something sexual with our dog (whom we no longer have) and did something sexual with ou daughter when she was almost 2 years old. He is highly intelligent and hid EVERYTHING! My parents are shocked and he may end up in prison over what happened with our daughter. She is 6 now and has no knowledge of the incident thank goodness!

                                                                                                                                                                  He lied up until last week about what happened exactly with our daughter. The detective brought the whole truth out when I listened to his confession.

                                                                                                                                                                  He is a lost lost man and he is really seeking God. I asked him to read The Shack last fall and this is what started making him feel guilty about all he’d done, up to that point he lied to himself that he had not really done all of these terrible things. The Shack made it all real.

                                                                                                                                                                  I understand about forgiveness, and I do feel sorry for him. I am angry however and we are getting divorced as I CAN NOT be with a man who sexually abused my daughter, as he may again some day. We are not living together anymore, but I still talk with him as he was the love of my life even though he didn’t always treat me well emotionally. He’s always had flat emotions, like never really that happen nor sad.

                                                                                                                                                                  Please for the poster passing judegment on some of us choosing divorce…remember all of us are in different situations than you. Some of us (like me), have NO choice to go back to our spouses. Legally, my husband may never have unsupervised visitation with our children again. I do not plan to ever leave him alone with him.

                                                                                                                                                                  I am now delving into single parenthood, and since he may be a registered sex offender, he may never even get another job (and he had a 5 year college degree), so I will never get any type of financial support. I’m 31 years old and met him when I was 19 years old.

                                                                                                                                                                  In spite of all of this, the pain is at times unbearable. I get angry, sad, frustrated, I’m very very hurt. I still love him, but I will be going to counseling as I need to know how to get away emotionally from this man whom I loved so unconditionally.

                                                                                                                                                                  So please, be aware that while your spouse may pass moral borders, they may also pass legal ones. My spouse also paid someone for sex, had sex in public places with other people while we were married, etc….he never was caught and I am glad because I would not want to have found out about all of this from the police.

                                                                                                                                                                  Lying points to huge spiritual issues….I know for me if I ever date again (which just seems so strange to me as I truly promised myself only to my husband when we wed), if a man lies to me, I will NOT be with him.

                                                                                                                                                                  Also, pornography is incredibly evil! The incident with my daughter happened when he was looking at adult porn. If you catch a spouse looking at it, they need help, immediately! My spouse is a software engineer and he was able to hid anything he looked at on the computer from me and I never suspected it anyhow.

                                                                                                                                                                  I actually saw spiritual warfare in play just 3 days after he told me everything that happened. Our pastor came to our house and he witnessed it as well. It was scary, and I’ve read that porn can bring demons. My husband is seeing counselors, and a pastor exerienced in spiritual warfare and attending sex addiction meetings. He’s trying, yet, because of all he’s done (especially with our daughter), I can never go back…let alone with a relapse with sleeping with people, I cannot risk contracting HIV!

                                                                                                                                                                  I now will be a single mother who has recently recovered from a chronic illness (well, I am in remission, relapse is possible), no job, and if he goes to prison, I will be forced to file for Bankruptcy as I was a stay at home mother for our children. It’s been 3.5 years since I’ve worked, I am an RN and I’ve submitted resumes, but have not found a job to date. My life is in shambles, yet God has been good…my brother and his wife opened their home to me and my children, I have no STD’s, the kids have a great new school, ect. God has held me and I’ve felt his power and his love.

                                                                                                                                                                  I feel for all of you caught up in this twisted lying web of your loved ones….please let this be a wake up call for what can and MAY happen!

                                                                                                                                                                  • in love with a liar

                                                                                                                                                                    I recently got rid of the man who lied to me, and everyone around him, over and over and over again. I realize now its his illness and I pray for him daily.
                                                                                                                                                                    The biggest lie was a lie of ommission….he waited 14 months into our relationship to inform me that he’s HIV positive. I’m the mother of 4 kids, under the age of 13.
                                                                                                                                                                    I’m negative so far, but have to test again in 3 months.
                                                                                                                                                                    Keep me in your prayers.

                                                                                                                                                                    • Dominic

                                                                                                                                                                      Can anybody help me deal with this by giving me any bible verses that speak of pathological liars me and my girlfriend have been datin for a year and I come to find out recently when she was going out with her friends she was actually going to parties on guys houses I don’t know if she has cheated. And we are planning on getting back together we are both just depressed and need guidance through this. We were perfect, she just made some bad choices. 🙁 does anybody have any bible verses for her to change her ways and me to forgive her?

                                                                                                                                                                      • Lisa

                                                                                                                                                                        Like most. I wasn’t prepared for the damage I have face living with a liar for five years (breat cancer, ulcer) The relationship started of great “so I thought”. He and his actions appeared sincere and honest. He wasn’t a drinker, a smoker and loved kissing and cuddling watching movies. Then the lies started unvailing (his mail, his phone, his ex. etc), and when he could know longer hide the real him…booy did the DEVIL show himself. This man lied about being divorced. When we first meet he told me that he had been divorsed for 3 yrs. He was still married for the first 1 1/2 of our relatiohship and had just departed from his exwife a few months prior to meeting me. I saw know sign of this…..he was living alone when I meet him. Later, I found out he lied about his children, his work ( a plumber), his finances…the list goes on and on. I realized this person does not love me. I’m just another prey for his selfishness. These kind are all about themselves. They will lie to anyone, even their on parents, childredn, anyone for the benefit of self. The liar will never change. Never! One day at a time……GET OUT!! Save yourself. You deserve better.

                                                                                                                                                                        • Ditto

                                                                                                                                                                          I won’t say much – given the experience I had was with someone who googles the living daylights out of my email addresses. Anyway all the signs you reference in the article above are spot on -whatever may be the label may be for this “type” of dishonest person. In my experience though the closer you get to the person the less they display the physical signs – but many of the behaviors continue – constant questioning of your honesty while blowing up anytime you dare to question them on the silliest little thing. I think they may get into a comfort zone or something once they have lied to a person over time which makes many of the above behaviors more frequent and intense. That said – listen to those around you who meet them as well. In my case nearly all of my friends and family, co-workers who met this person had a very consistent poor first impression given they did not ever look them in the eye and something seemed “peculiar – definately hiding something”. On several occasions they also observed aggressive defensiveness and possessiveness. That should have been warning enough for me – but like many people I tend to keep looking for the good in people before casting them off and this person was charming and outgoing and fun to be with. Unfortunately I gave the benefit of the doubt for far to long to a person who was living at minimum a double life -cheating on their spouse (not divorced as they pretended to be, or getting one as the story changed to once found out) and me with each other and multiple others while lying to everyone in their life about many many things. Over time some of the truth came out but it was too late and life altering damage was done which affected many people and will for the rest of our lives. After having your complete life irreversably altered – by someone else’s deception – it is very hard to not be angry. That said, I try to remember that they are a child of God just like the rest of us – I think prayers are in order on both sides – the hurt someone must have felt to become that way – and for the collateral damage done to others as a result. Good luck to all on the post. I hope you are able to find peace and happiness and trustworthy people to spend the rest of your life with.

                                                                                                                                                                          • joan

                                                                                                                                                                            I am a Roman Catholic with high morals and standards. Because of my trusting nature, as one would naturally expect of another supposedly good person, I became a victim in a relationship where my ex-partner turned out, as I had discovered, to be a pathological liar. The breakup has caused me a lot of hur and pain, and it has taken me almost 2 months to figure out what happened, why it happened, and the logic behind it. If you look up wikipedia, you will find a true decription of the behavioural patterns of a pathological liar. From my experience, my gosh, I think he has a mental problem, but having said this, he never truely cared for me, or for my welfare. We broke up because he realised I was onto his B–Sh-t talk. I’ve spent weeks crying, and trying to piece everything that has happened together, and I have finally done it. He deserves no mercy from God, nor from me. He caused my family a lot of distress too, you see we planned to get married etc. Naturally my parents and siblings were devastated when the relationship ended in a split second. It was never my fault, I know I was good to him, I treated him unlike any other boyfriend previously, I was too perfect. I just hope I can move on, erase him from my memory, and hope to meet my true soulmate, someone who’ll treat me like I treated him (for he was truely undeserving). Anyone who mentions on here that these pathological liars need our prayers, to be honest, I prayed and prayed for him, he used to tell me lies about being ill etc, and he really took advantage of my caring and loving nature, they don’t need prayers, they need to be buried in a cemetary where they can cause no other person harm. Sorry, but you know, if you treat me bad, I hope you get treated 100x bad of what you treated me.

                                                                                                                                                                            • Jessica

                                                                                                                                                                              I am a Christian and I must say that I am extremely hurt by this site. Pathological Lying is a medical disorder in the front of the brian. What this means is that Pathological Liars have more “white” areas in the front of their brian, causing them to lie more. Autism has very little “white” in the front of the brian, causing them to not be able to lie, or lie very little. These people cannot help that they are lying. They are not trying to hurt anyone, it is mostly done because, one, they cannot help it, and two, they have low self esteem. As Christians, we should try to reach out and help those in need and guide them. Where’s the forgiveness? This is not how Jesus would treat or talk about anyone. Instead of ridiculing people, why not try to help?

                                                                                                                                                                              • Molly

                                                                                                                                                                                Literally 2 days ago I just finally ended things- he continues to send me messages and beg for forgiveness and admits to his problem and says he would do anything.
                                                                                                                                                                                He’s handsome, funny, smart, we had the best times ever. he was undoubtedly the first man i ever fell in love with.. he sent me poems and made me feel like a princess and on top of the world. he had his controlling moments and had issues because he said he was a navy seal and had gone to Iraq. we were only together 7 months-long distance. then things got rough and one weekend i was busy and his ex fiance (4 years) called me and just told me everything. this man was so manipulative, he put you under a spell. it was disgusting. he was never a navy seal, he never went to iraq (he had 3 tattoos for his friends that died there) um he got kicked out of the navy in a few months for a DUI and all his money went to probation when he told me he came home for his mom who has MS. it was just a string of lies…then i found out he cheated and he even had people that were there call me and deny it…but i know he did. he cheated on his ex constantly. im still coping but i’ve become good friends with his ex (we went to high school together) and shes making sure i dont fall back because he has a way of brainwashing you. its so hard–i still miss him and i still want to be with him, it’s crazy how he is such a sweet talker. but i know i gotta get away from all of it. he lies about every detail of his life and when i found out about a few he admitted that it made him feel better about himself. now i wonder if i can help him–but subconsciously i know that that’s most likely not going to happen.

                                                                                                                                                                                • kellie

                                                                                                                                                                                  i just got out of a 2month long relationship with a pathological liar. in those 2 months i believed he was a throat cancer survivor, self employed doing graphic design, his ex was a coked out prostitute, his grandma was sick and dying in the hospital, was not doing drugs and quitting drinking, his family disowned him because they want to talk to his ex, he lost his license because of his ex.. oh they go on. one week before we broke up he was staying with me at my house and i began to notice he was trying to isolate me and control me, and he even TRIED to impregnate me! he slapped me “playfully” but too hard. (dont worry, i got some good shots in after that) he would withhold affection as punishment for my “disobeying” him. he finally told me there was something “sexy about death!” i waited until he was safely back in his home 40 some minutes away and ended it. he continues to threaten me and harass me online, of which i have put in a police report, deleted and blocked him. ladies and gentleman, i began to wake up when one of the christian magazines i subscribe to came in the mail and read “what or who is preventing you from focusing on god?” and i remembered in the 2 months we have been together, i hadnt been to church! he mocked me when i studied my bible at home. do not take your focus off the lord. when man fails, the lord does not! he never disappoints, and he always has your best interest. if you cannot pursue the lord in your relationship, if you cannot grow in all areas of intelligence, spirituality, physical health, mental health even finances… it is time to reevaluate whether you are in a healthy relationship that promotes the welfare of both parties involved!

                                                                                                                                                                                  • Mayflower

                                                                                                                                                                                    I wish we could all be sensitive to these pathological liars, but teaching them to be empathetic only teaches them more manipulation skills. I am a psychology grad and we learned that for psychopathic traits, treatment only makes them worse. They are almost a lost cause. I dated a pathological liar and it was very painful and confusing. The love you feel for them is lies, based on the image they created specifically for you. These people don’t have consistent personalities or self images. They really just adapt to what will get them what they want, as sad as it is. DO NOT TRUST THEM and offering them help only makes you more of a target.

                                                                                                                                                                                    • Mayflower

                                                                                                                                                                                      JESSICA: If you justify these people by a medical disorder, are you suggesting we have no free will at all??

                                                                                                                                                                                      There is still lots of information lacking in autism research and psychopaths. No one knows why someone is autistic, and all autistic people vary. They do not all have the same symptoms in the brain otherwise it would be a more predominant theory. As of now they don’t really know much. Same with psychopaths.

                                                                                                                                                                                      my point is I am an extremly sympathetic person, I am training to be a therapist. Which is why I’m saying from an educated point of view…. YOU CANNOT HELP A PSYCHOPATH. HELP MAKES THEM WORSE. it is proven.

                                                                                                                                                                                      • Jackie C.

                                                                                                                                                                                        Yes…I married one and tried to stay married for 20 years. He moved me away from Family, then he told me that No one liked me, and as and after the children grew up…he told them, “No one likes your mother.” He lied to us and was off traveling and involved with prostitutes, and told me “I’m just helping those poor women that need money.” Then he told me I was not considerate of these women neededing money, so that meant he would have to take my children away from me. It meant I was not being a good mother.” He was gone alot, and earned enough money to support us. I was torn between leaving him, or staying so that the children could have what they need. I did not know what to do or where to turn. On divorcing him, his abuse got much worse….he threatened to ruin my life, and told my son that he could do whatever he wanted to do….including be abusive to me and his sister, like his Dad did. This is a sick story of trying to stay with this type of a person….he’s not a man. There is no human being as a man inside this type of person. He says things such as “You are lucky to have me…you are nothing, and look what I am.” And that I was jealous of him, or others were jealous of him, and that he had this talent where he could “Always get what he wanted in life.”….he would do harmful things to me, and put our lives in harm, and then laugh about how badly it upset me.

                                                                                                                                                                                        I realize I needed the strength to go to the police long ago, but was so afraid of him, because he would not behave this way in from of others. Others would see him going to church, regularly….and that he provided well for us, and would only doubt what I said. In the end you feel like your identify has been ruined, and your rights as a person, a wife a mother, have all been abused by this man, including my rights with my family or origin. All of it was abuse.

                                                                                                                                                                                        I live in sadness still, that my son now thinks and behaves like this man. My daughter will not have a relationship with her brother due to his behavior. This son is obviously lonely and has no one but his abusive father, whom he adores. My ex remarried, and is off living his abusive life with someone else. I assme she must know something, but he always finds ways with money to get beyond it when people notice his lies….he simply buys them more things. This can be flattering to a woman, and he knows it, so does it. They are almost impossible to escape from.

                                                                                                                                                                                        Be ware….these people will ruin EVERYTHING IN YOUR LIFE, AND YOUR CHILDREN’S LIVES AS WELL, and you will find it near impossible not to live as “their victim.”

                                                                                                                                                                                        • Nikki

                                                                                                                                                                                          3.5 years ago I met a man who had been down on his luck in life but claimed he wanted to change & make his life better. I believed him and was happy to help. He was engaging and easy to talk to. We talked for hours everyday. We spent a lot of time together. Well after 3 months of dating I started to find out a couple of hurtful lies. Instead of leaving him I stated with him like a dumb-dumb because I believed that he needed time to break his bad patterns. After all I had seen a lot of growth in him during that short time period.

                                                                                                                                                                                          Anyway, 3 years later, 4 therapists later, I realized that although he was the first love of my life I can’t keep sacrificing myself for him. He has lied so much. He has cheated (don’t have proof if he slept with anyone) but, phone numbers, emails, pictures, texts, voicemail messages to other women, men and transvestites. It has all been a very shocking and hurtful experience, but, it has been a valuable learning experience for me. This man comes across as being charming and personable. He got SAVED while we were together. We read the bible together every night and go to church most Sundays. I believe that he wants to do well I just think that his demons are more powerful than his will.

                                                                                                                                                                                          He has drained me. He has 2 children from different women and has put me in confrontations against them. After 3 months of dating him I was contacted by a woman who claimed she had just given birth to his son (this is the 2nd child). She ended up being his former girlfriend that he never told me about and NEVER told me that some woman was pregnant with his child. Eventually I had to file harassment charges against her because she would hunt me down, i.e., find out my phone numbers and call my house and cell constantly, find out where I wanted to move to and eventually where I moved to, threaten to come to my job, found out my email address, came to some cookouts and bbq’s that I was invited to. She always made a scene accosting him and I on the public street. It was crazy! I can’t blame her completely because she had also been one of his victims but was taking her anger and aggression out on me instead of him. She still loved him and just had his baby.

                                                                                                                                                                                          I had to hide so much of what he did from my family. I’ve been anrgy, hurt and enraged. Many times it has taken me from the path that God has set for me, but thanks to the Holy Spirit I was always redirected back to my path. He has a violent nature which brought out a violent nature in me because of all the anger and pain.

                                                                                                                                                                                          Please, please, please do research and take time in dating your future Mr. or Mrs. Right. The devil is so busy. Many people are dishonest and/or sick. They hide their true nature and manipulate the relationship for their advantage. They suck you in like vaccuum.

                                                                                                                                                                                          I’m not nieve. I met this man when I was 33yrs old. I’m now 37yrs old. So I’ve dated plenty of men before him and have shared in my portion of heartaches and heartbreaks. I fell in love with this man. He became the the first love of my life and I lost myself. In the bible it says ‘Guard your heart”. Rememeber to do that. Many times in this relationship I did not recognize this woman that was me. I don’t want anyone else to go through this. Pray and be careful in this world. We are fighting evil, demonic spirits everyday. Remember the expression ‘a wolf in sheep’s clothing’.

                                                                                                                                                                                          • me

                                                                                                                                                                                            well, I was reading some of the letters, I’m a “victim” as well.. I meet him on a site, eharmony ( the site has no fault whatsoever) he had this profile of “perfection” and he contacted me, he is from Brazil, ( later on, he told me that I contacted him) ha!.. I never did that.. I’m an old fashioned girl, I let that the men take the lead.
                                                                                                                                                                                            we started talking via skype, and he looked like a good person, but he wasn’t… all that he said was lies, and more lies. ( I realized that later)
                                                                                                                                                                                            he told me that he worked, that he was responsible etc.. he is 29 years old and live with his parents!.. he plays word of warcraft like 4-5 hours a day!!.. he plays drums.. and doesn’t earn a dime..
                                                                                                                                                                                            he came to my city, and I paid for every meal, every movie, everything.. because I was too brainwashed… why?.. because I thought that it was “fair”. just because he bother to come here.
                                                                                                                                                                                            17 hours plain trip.. ( and every day he was here he was like – hey.. I deserve this.. just because.. etc it was a vacation to him, no more)
                                                                                                                                                                                            I treated him so good,, like a king or something like that..
                                                                                                                                                                                            he lost the best thing that could ever happened to him.. I broke up with him like 5 times.. and he never let me.. I was too good!
                                                                                                                                                                                            I’m mad with myself for wasting my time with him.
                                                                                                                                                                                            now he is “out” there, claiming more victims.. he isn’t capable of love.. he just loves himself. not even his family he didn’t care, never talked to them.. etc..
                                                                                                                                                                                            it’s my fault as well I should have said see you later, when he was here.. but my “kindness” stopped me.
                                                                                                                                                                                            he only wants sex, he was insisting so much, that’s the reason why I didn’t do it mostly, even if I didn’t do it, I feel bad because he is so disgusting, now that I see things in a different way..
                                                                                                                                                                                            he feels superior, even when in reality it’s very inferior.
                                                                                                                                                                                            I feel sorry for him and for the next one,
                                                                                                                                                                                            he only wants sex.. and I’m glad that I didn’t do it with him.. I have peace of mind, I really learned a lot.. never thought that this could happen to me… be with somebody so unworthy of living so cruel to people..
                                                                                                                                                                                            I could put his name here, and everything, but it would make me like him..

                                                                                                                                                                                            • Annie

                                                                                                                                                                                              I am in the same “boat”. I have been with the same guy for 3 years and I recently found out about others. He lies to me all the time to my face. I am leaving the relationship, but have one question. I know one of the women with whom he was with while also with me. I am not angry with her because I realize this is his BIG problem, but I would like to email or call this woman (a very sweet, gentle and kind lady) just to let her know that she is not alone (she had a nervous breakdown). I also want to know what types of lies he told her. (She knows of me and I know of her, but we have never met). I have written a very nice email to her, because I just want to know what types of things he told her. I want to know the truth. We are both Christian women.
                                                                                                                                                                                              I have a feeling she would love to talk to me. Please don’t say, “let it go”. Others have told me to contact her, just to get this off my mind and get resolution. I actually have a feeling she would like to talk to me too. Opinions…. please,

                                                                                                                                                                                              • Pauline

                                                                                                                                                                                                Don’t even know where to begin. Got swept off my feet by a sweet, loving man (or at least thats what I was lead to believe). Had been so cautious and would look for red flags when I first met someone because did not want to get hurt again. My boyfriend treated me better than anyone has ever treated me but then he asked me to move in with him and I said yes. Wow, what an eye opener it was. I have caught him in so many lies regarding: money, other women, stupid things that really are little things. When I ask him questions about what he told me, he becomes angry and makes it out to be my fault. I have realized he is not who I thought he was. Really want out of this situation but I quit my job so that I could move in with him and start a new life (how stupid was I). Now, I am trapped until I can find a job and get back on my own. Have a broken heart that can’t even let mend right now. Wanted to believe that he truly loved me.

                                                                                                                                                                                                • Christine

                                                                                                                                                                                                  Hi Pauline,

                                                                                                                                                                                                  I know it must be hard to be in that situation, feeling trapped. You will find a job and be able to move on.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  When he tries to tell you it’s your fault when you ask questions, don’t ever believe it, it’s just him trying to take the blame off himself. Don’t let him bring you down, you don’t deserve that.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  As for your mending heart, give it to God, He can help fix your broken heart wherever you are. Keep praying and remember God loves you and wants the very best for you. He can and will use any situation for good. I’ll be praying for you.

                                                                                                                                                                                                  • Jason K

                                                                                                                                                                                                    I met a girl in wal-mart parking lot asking for food. I gave her money cuz she said she needed money to pay light bill. I believed her. She broke down onetime at wal-mart another time saying she wanted to die. I was trying to get God in her life. She was pretty. I thought God could help her. I asked her out. We started dating. She said she needed rent money to keep from moving out of state, she said she wanted to stay wit me. She showed feelings for me. But when I saw eviction notice on her apartment after not hearing from her for days, I called their landlord and he never met her or got any money from her. She would be very defensive, would not be able to get ahold of her. And yes God always catches people in their lies. I was going to try and take her to civil small claims court for lying about what she needed the money for . About 900 dollars. I know God is just, I just pray she repents and serves christ for her own salvation and happiness. Now they have her cousin calling my mom telling lies that shes 15 and all kinds of crap. Bible says liars will burn in lake of fire. If you have any sin in your life, for your own happiness and salvation forsake all evil and turn to jesus that you might get forgivnen. The book of mormon says,”only unto those who show faith unto repentance shall have claim of mercy, unto those that do not shall the full justice of the law be applied.” Jesus also said,”whoever would repent and come unto me with a broken heart and contrite spirit I shall recieve them.” He also said that he suffered those things in the flesh that those that would repent wouldn’t have to.

                                                                                                                                                                                                    • leanne

                                                                                                                                                                                                      I am so thankful i came onto this site tonight. i have such a heavy heart. my daughter got sucked into a relationship with a boy who we have caught in lies many times in only the 4 weeks of knowing him. (when she brought him over to our house over Christmas break) I love my girl so much and i cant believe she doesn’t see the lies that he is telling her. She goes back to him and tells him the lies we have caught him in and he will twist the story and come back with a new one and she believes he was just mistaken and now this new story she believe also. I am just sick to my stomach about this. He said he had skin cancer even and his kid never had skin cancer. she told him i said he lied and he now says he said he only had skin cancer tendencies, and he didnt say he can cancer, which before he did and now he story changed. I am so sad to think she just let him go from one lie to the next. He said he was addicted to porn also but now he isnt and she is ok with that. and believes he is ok now. but she has only known this boy a few months and is convinced he is so truthful about everything. i didnt have a clue my girl would be so needie that she would fall for this kind of person. I am pray that she will see him for who he is and she will break it off for good but he really know how to pour on the sugar and tell her how wonderful he is and how much he loves and needs her.. and she falls for it.
                                                                                                                                                                                                      from a mothers heart could you guys please say a prayer for me today. and for my daughter to find a real good Christian man..
                                                                                                                                                                                                      my heart is just aching.. i cant even believe she is with him and cant see it

                                                                                                                                                                                                      • halie

                                                                                                                                                                                                        I have also been dating a pathological liar for almost 2 years now. I was and still am in love with him. I strongly believed God had brought us together. i cought him in several lies and there were red flags here and there throughout our relationship that i should have paid more attention to but i let them go. We got engaged last october and i started having a strong feeling that something was not quite right. I knew he was hiding something and so when he took his phone in the bathroom i followed him and asked to see what he was doing. He wouldnt and i finally said you can either give me the phone or ill give you my engagement ring. HE said fine took the ring and left. I fionally found out by looking through his email that he was getting on craigslist personals hitting on girls and lying about himself which he has been doing from the beggining of our fairytale relationship. He also said that he had gone into the bathroom to email a girl from his class and then reized that was weird when i walked in. he says he is going to get help and wants to be with me when he gets better. I am afraid that he will end up doing this sort of thing again though and may even have an affair latter in mairrage. Please give some advice on what to do.

                                                                                                                                                                                                        • Hadda

                                                                                                                                                                                                          @ Rider,
                                                                                                                                                                                                          I can understand where you are coming from, but I disagree. Are you suggesting that people should offer themselves to these sociopaths because they are victims of something they cannot control? Most sociopaths do not have any empathy, gving them any makes it worse. It will always come back to bite the one who is trying to help. I tried and I payed for it big time, I am still crying till this day (sometimes). Because sociopaths feel sorry for themselves they should be cuddled? I understand that they are actually very lonely people looking for love and attention, but they are also narcissists who will harm you if they get the chance. why would any body volunteer for that? Like drug addicts they can only change when they want to, not because you or anybody else wants them to or because it is better. Only when they hit rock buttom. Ohh no no I want to scream from the rooftops to run run as fast one can away from these people. Every body does something wrong from time to time,, but when they don’t feel anything or even thean try to take advantage of the situation they are sick and only God can help them. They cannot do anything about it, neither can anybody else. Even if they do not mean to hurt others, they know they do, because everytime they are they arrive somewhere, someone gets hurt, they KNOW THAT. When they want to change, change will come. I’ve learned my lesson! Who says that admitting (I don’t mean to get personal) is some way of these people to get sympathy? I’ve tried so hard and I am doing better bla bla. Nope never again. To many promises none where kept. life is just to short to be carrying someone elses cross on top of my own.

                                                                                                                                                                                                          • Kasey

                                                                                                                                                                                                            I dated a pathological liar for almost 6 years! He was my first relationship so I have gotten so much practice for the next one. I watched him for years lying and manipulating other people. He always cared about being the best and never took responsibility for anything he did. I realize now that he had been lying to me the whole time we dated. My dumb self dated him for 2 years while he was 1600 miles away. He did God knows what and would have an excuse for everything I found ( I had resorted to looking through his stuff). If I hadnt have started looking through his stuff I wouldnt have realized the type of person he really was. I learned that liars do not have morals at all. THey feed on attention…..and bad mouth those who they are suppose to caring about….how do I know this? because after we broke up, he immediately started dating his now fiancee and cheated on her and talked about her like crap the whole time they dated….I realized he was talking to her behind my back while we were having problems….and they only dated for like 6 months before he proposed…after I threatened him that if he ever contacted me again I would tell her everything he had done……He doesnt know what true love is….and not only that, but he is a charmer….he knows what to say to a female and he showers her with his money and gifts. I cant believe I almost married him!!!! Thank God I got tired of that mess and said I didnt want to marry him because I didnt trust him anymore. Now everyone think Im the one who lost a “good man” and think he is so great and that I am the reason we broke up. Sometimes I want to tell his fiancee the truth but if she thinks she knows him after 8 months then whatever…I knew how he was and I was in love with him till the end. And honestly I still care about him…he hurt me so bad…and ended up just blocking me out of his life when I decided I wasnt going to be there for him anymore..I feel like I was just a possession to him now. I feel sorry for his fiancee cuz I doubt he is going to change. That whole relationship was based off lies…….and he is a preacher’s son!

                                                                                                                                                                                                            THank God I am out of that relationship! My stress levels has gone down 100%!!

                                                                                                                                                                                                            • swear0002002@yahoo.com

                                                                                                                                                                                                              I don’t want to be unkind, but I try to live my life in a state of
                                                                                                                                                                                                              equanimity. If you don’t know what the word means perhaps you should look it up. Some of the things you said to me when I first met you, this was after I gave you my business card were inappropriate as far as I am concerned. You sound like a party boy, and there are plenty of wild women in Honolulu. I am not one of them. Regardless from that We are not on the same page, and never will be. When you sent me the text saying you literally just got back from a trip to Japan- that was ABSURD. Please read the article- I am not sending it to hurt you, but to help you. Oh and by the way- you don’t text someone you just met after 12:30 am. Please do not text-email me or call me again.

                                                                                                                                                                                                              Thank you,

                                                                                                                                                                                                              A

                                                                                                                                                                                                              A

                                                                                                                                                                                                              • Rebecca mills

                                                                                                                                                                                                                Hi i know how it feels to feel angry being angry at someone can mean you care still and your hurt it doesnt nessasarily mean you hate someone or will not forgive them in time, you can and with the help of god you can so seek gods face hun and tell him how you feel ask him to restore your emotions and thoughts so that you have all your focus on god, your fam and friends the ones who will always be there for you NO MATTER WHAT ^_^

                                                                                                                                                                                                                I dont have to know you to say this if i call myself a true follower of god i love you very much sister in christ and i know you will find a good mature godly charecterd man who will treat you well just trust god and enjoy your life with the lord, fam, freinds.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                I am in a simular situation however he is not my boyfriend i really like hima dn he is talking to someone else he says he is godly charectered doesnt beive in the term christian because of the history it holds constinetine etc. I know i have to tread carefully and i should seek god i care for him he hasnt always treated me well he was talking to this lady he says the reason he is not with her is because he like me.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                However he has met her and gone cinema with her and they have had lunch and go for walks its possible he is lonely as he has no christian friends and she is a beliver but im still praying and being cautious and not commiting to him at all do you see where im going with this men are not our whole life they are not all bad but they are a part of life created to bless people and be blessed and serve god sincerely i promise your not loseing a lot if he couldnt do this or give you the love and respect god has told him to in the bible then he is JUST NOT WORTH YOUR TEARS OR ALL YOUR FOCUS AND THOUGHTS EVERYDAY HE IS WORTH YOUR PRAYERS, GODLY LOVE, AND FORGIVENESS THOUGH.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                Ask god to help you forgive him i promise lovely in time you will seee how it helps you more than anyone if you release him to the lord and gradually with gods help forgive him (: i love u all the best xxx BECKY.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                • Mike Roger

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  Sadly i am a pathological liar too. To every girl, family friends and colleagues. I can’t help it. I need help bad..- Mike

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  • StrongerEveryDay

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    This is a great site! I wish I had more time to write, but I do want to ask ‘the group’ one thing. Have any of you, after confronting the person you’re in a relationship with about lies he or she has told, been told THIS by them? “Well, if you go looking for trouble, you’re probably going to find it.” That used to baffle me! Dude, I wasn’t looking for trouble, I was on a quest for the TRUTH! GEEZ! If there’s anyone reading this who can’t decide whether or not they should get out of a relationship with a liar, let me help you out: GET OUT ASAP! Time spent with a liar is time wasted in SO many ways! My ex-fiance (who’s in his 50’s) went to treatment, mental health hospitals, was prescribed medications, hit rock bottom in many ways, has been cut off by all of his family members; they want nothing to do with him, and STILL, he lies.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • leah olding first named chaned for portection on…

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Hi I going to attempt to tell all the young woman and men out there that if your dealing with a pathological liar you must stop yourself from being their prey. They are manipulative not to mention controlling and very cold personalities. They will never be faithful, kind or considerate and yes you will always come last in their life.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      How do I know that because I married a man twenty five years ago and he is actually worse now than when I married him. Why is his condition worse because lying is a way of life not even a bad habit.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      You will definitely know the definition of the word HURT. Here’s mine Hell U Really Tried if you have to experience this over and over again you will become cold yourself with little or no patience for anyone and you don’t even realize you have changed more like the liar even though you probably don’t lie. These people are aggressive and love to degrade others for their imperfections. Most of these people inflate their ego to a standard that is false.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      You must leave your soul outside the door if your going to venture into a relationship with a pathological liar and pick it up on the way out the door when you finally have had enough of untruth.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      I have wasted the better part of my life with a man that has been emotionally cruel who has had threesomes with his best friends just to kick me in face for a laugh at my expense. He was used by a cruel girl who was married to his best friend and she was sexually abused as child and will do anyone for sex and even her husbands friends. This girl does threesomes on the internet videos and also with anyone who is willing.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      No ladies or gentlemen you do not want to experience these types of issues in your relationships. My spouse has also ran around every chance he got. Run from them they will destroy your desire for lust of life.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      Why did I stay, well my Husband is very Narsisttic and leaving would mean years in court for a divorce costing me every dime I have to live on. I worked for lawyers in divorce and believe it or not through experience sometimes it is easier to let them believe their lies than to get away.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      You kind of move forward with your own life and still have some money to live on. These people don’t hold down jobs very long so you know who will be supporting them you. They are excellent at clutching your heart in the palm of their hand and squeezing the life out of it in the future. Please leave as soon as they start lying and being unfaithful or you will need more faith than you could of ever imagined. Sincerely

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      • Lorraine

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        I beblieve my son is dating a pathological lier. He is in-live with her and has moved out and is living with my sister and his gf. I am on good terms right now with both of them but I have caught her in many tangled lies. She twist storys around and blames family members, She has my son believing her lies and we all see it but him. One of my other sons said that one day the mask she wears may become who she is..the fake her, the kind her..but still I pray for my son to see the truth sooner then later!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                        • Watchout

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          Aj Arbes mackey is on these websites praying on women and feeding them lies and dreams he uses women and will jump right in a relationship telling you he loves and paints a picture of being a hardworking great man but really is a pathilogical liar with several other girlfriends and always on the hunt.
                                                                                                                                                                                                                          This man is so convincing and has fooled many women including me thingsto look for:hiding phone,wont bring you to house,claims hes always working,wont answer phone after certain time and always talks to you on the phone in his car,wont answe phone but will text,he is very sneaky and cant be trusted.his whole life is a lie

                                                                                                                                                                                                                          • Josie Leeves

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            I think I am dating a pathological liar. I’m 18 and he’s 24.. He started lying a while ago and i just thought he was a general liar.. but things got weird when it was consistent, and within the space of 10 minutes he could make me believe one thing fully, and then change the story and lie to cover it up so i’d believe that :S its so weird. He’s the nicest guy I’ve ever met… and recently he snapped and just wasn’t himself.. – i had to ring the police on him because i was scared or worried that he was on drugs. – he went to hospital and they gave him anti-deppresants because apparently he was suicidal.. but i don’t know if this is really the case. without saying goodbye he has gone somewhere hours away to stay.. and left me with all the baggage. He blaims his lying on stress or says he didn’t mean to lie. but its too much now. Him being away right now is worse than him actually being here! because more lies seem to be unfolded now that he’s away and he keeps saying he’s going to come back a changed man but i doubt it very much! I’m hurting so much and the fact he’s not here and even if he was – i don’t believe anything he says.. is he a pathological liar?.. p.s – he has dyslexia and his mum left him as a child.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            • Carol

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              I am married to a pathological liar for two years and finally left him so I could recover my sanity. I met this jerk on a dating site. Over time I found out he had been married eight times and has two kids. When I first met him he told me he was married once and that his wife died in childbirth and that later on his daughter died in a car accident when she was 18. Liars usually play the sympathy card just to win you over. He used to go on dating sites while I was at work and recently he started getting calls in the middle of the night. Whenever I confronted him about his cheating on me, he would tell me I was crazy. He would always bad mouth my family and then act really sweet when he was around them. Everything he tells me is a lie and now I suffer with stomach ulcers because of the aggravation he put me through. If a person tells you he loves you without getting to know you “Run.” These liars will say anything to win you over and then they will ruin your life.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                              • Maxine

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Christian? this? this blog above is sick, teaching women how to be neurotic about every little move the man makes. Of course you trust your instincts about people, but don’t let this bitter dry prune who writes here get you to be like she is: pre-judging people, looking for shit in everything the other person says or does. This isn’t christian, or even smart. It’s bitter, wrong, ugly crap.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                • Karol

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  I don’t think I would call the man that I was involved with a “pathological” lier. I think that he may have had a personality disorder. But, that doesn’t take the hurt away. We were actually friends for about 6 months before we started dating. I think I fell in love with him a little while we were friends. But, even in the beginning, my gut told me something wasn’t right and I just didn’t trust him, although at that time, I didn’t know why. But, I thought they were my issues, so I talked myself out of my gut telling me something. About a month and a half of dating, I caught him in a lie. We talked about it, he apologized. This happended several times. It was never over anything “big”, but they were still lies. We would break up for a short period of time, but I would always go back because he would tell me that he lied because he was afraid of losing me and he loved me. Finally, I just couldn’t ignore my gut anymore, and I did something totally unlike me, I went through his phone. I found out for at least two months, he was communicating with what I believed to be his ex-wife. I started to piece little things together. When I confronted him, he tried to lie. But when I started to call her, he finally admitted that he was still married!! They both swear that nothing sexual was going on and that they were just discussing their divorce, but I was broken. It is so hard to believe that he did this to me. I gave him everything. He told me that I made him happier than he had ever been in his life. He was so loving and sweet. So, I sit here and struggle with still loving him and realizing that he lied to me pretty much from day one. How do you get your heart to stop loving him?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                  • non christian

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    OMG I am not a christian but came across your site whilst searching re how to leave pathological liar. I got involved 18 months ago with a guy via the internet. we commenced weekend relationship. He was very into seeing me for the whole weekend – which in retrospect I found a bit much as I wanted time for my other friends and hobbies (I am not a youngerster mature with grown up children). Told me he owned his house, had been bankrupt once and was now very careful with money, had been in army , told me stuff about that as “he wanted me to know what I was dealing with”. told me love of his life died in his arms at 18 from leukemia: etc etc. then “sold his house” and “rented it back ” doh why was I so stupid . Moved into my house, now I am discovering all sorts of things suspicions aroused when Irealised he always burnt his mail, ; never has any cash, but also talks about buying next expensive boy toy. He is in my house, acts very loving, but can change in a flick of a second/switch. Has not physically or emotionally hurt me but tries to control by being quietly angry if Ido something that displeases – go out to do my hobby for instance. I have found out through various means that he has significant debts and it is looking as though he never owned his house, he has also lied to me about something he said my father said to him. I am quite frightened as I feel that he could turn very very nasty if I confront him. Am treading water while I figure out what to do. he has installed all his work equipment (he programmes computers) , his pets etc., into my house; Please please do background checks before getting involved, I felt that I should be trusting, nice etc., etc. he despises people that are “nice” regards them as weak.I can see how as christians you are extra vulnerable as there is all the turn the other cheek stuff, see the christ in every one etc. etc. I would say to anyone here do not think you can change others; and onlylooking for the good in people gets us in serious trouble. Also I guess allowed some pretty dubious priests to get into positions of power. I have no arguement with Christ by the way and think it is a good way to live, just dont happen to believe it is the only way. Good luck all of you I need to go back to plotting my exit strategy, and yes the emotional part of me still loves him.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    • Sabrina Norstram

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      There are two types of liars, those that are compulsive and those that are sociopaths. I married a sociopath. I knew he lied, he acted as if he could not help it, he even said things such as “what if I can’t quit lying” Then it escalated after his daughter got married, then his one sister died. he lies about everything big and small and pulls me in and I have been noticing he does get satisfaction when he can win me over. He told his daughter I am crazy and on drugs. I was the one who brought up giving money to her for her wedding, she is not young by the way. I did make a major mistake talking about Jehovah’s witness not knowing the new son in law was one, but it was one sentence as in people on my road should keep their doors shut due to they are coming door to door. My husband lies about money and awhile back he almost bankrupted us, I made a plan with a company who helps people in debt, it took six years to do it but we did. Now he is gambling, I found he owed $75.00 to a work friend. I have had spine surgery and did not want to go to a bar with him and his sister, he said he would not be gone long, 5 hours later and then he said the only thing he did wrong was not be realistic with telling me the time that was needed to get there and home. He went to a motel, I guess he did that thinking that was my worst fear, losing him. He lost his wedding band somewhere at the motel, he said he looked for it but not like I would have being out there in sunlight the next day, he bought a new one. He is going on a golf outing, he even told me I ok’ed it, no I did not. Then he said he already gave them the $50 deposit of the almost $500 for the 4 days and 3 nights. he told me there is a stripper club some of the guys go to but he won’t go, I shouldn’t worry. He said yesterday he would rather take care of things for himself only in foul words than touch me. I went to my Dr and I am situationally depressed, which I knew but I also wanted to make sure that the medication I need to take isn’t the problem because that is what he is telling people, that it makes me crazy. My sister had a stroke and now needs a cardiac catheterization, I am worried about her. He asked yesterday after calling me names and screaming if I loved him because I used the past tense of love, I don’t member saying love to him! He then said if I don’t love him then what’s the point, yes it is my fault in his eyes, again. I refuse to be scared because now I know he feeds off it. He told me I was his friend and his lover and he would never go out to a bar or on a vacation without me, even insulted the guys he works with that they live near each other and go to social events together and he would never be like that, but here he is going “golfing” which is on his “bucket list” He actually used that term. That must have took at least 15 minutes of his drive home to think that one up. I could vomit in his “bucket list” Brett Gyllenskog is learning to lie better, lower toned voice etc. he acts as if he has me figured out. Like with the gambling, he just didn’t tell me the amount. The bar, “I didn’t factor in the time and you are ridiculous thinking an hour when it takes that long to get to and from our house. He said he would spend a “short time” at the bar. Then I said to him “about an hour” Bar, not driving and even then I gave in due to his sister died. Oh and he used a term I had the florist put on the flowers it was something like “sister first, mother always”. He had to sound good on facebook. He throws his arm down like the king when he has to stop watching golf or football, in fact he enjoys making me wait to talk until commercials. That is easily seen. The think that made me understand that he is a sociopath was when he went back on me being his friend. That was my lightbulb moment and it hurt. Now I am in limbo, not sure what is next except like I said I have my sister to worry about and taking care of myself, I had to retire due to my spine, which reminds me, instead of saying I have a spinal cord injury which is the truth he told his daughter it was my medications that are the problem. I am not “allowed” around her by her own words because she doesn’t feel comfortable “yet” and then she skirted around the time I took getting ready and about medications. My husband was to straighten things out before this and he came home and said too many people there, on faceboook, one other person who stayed an hour. He had time to talk to them, instead he made things much worse by yes lying about me to his own daughter. He was eating wings and hanging out, facebook again, he is incapable of seeing himself for what he truly is and apparently he has told everyone in his family lies about me. I realized that because he had me convinced I talked about his daughter to a niece of his. when I brought it up she told me not to worry about it, she is sick of the gossip! So yes, it took years, I knew he lied but I didn’t know he was a sociopath until he was willing to take the one thing way I thought we had, friendship and we would enjoy vacations and going out together because friends do that. See in this clique who he claimed he did not like and would never hang around with, they are not taking their wives. It is bad, not sure what is next. I wrote him an email and was pretty civil and I was angry and crying, he is not home from work. I texted him. what is the point of being afraid. I read where the one who doesn’t care is the one who wins, well I want him to stop being a lying sociopath and I will not be called names. I was married before and he was abusive in all ways. Looks like I did it again except he is a liar, he did push me once but I flew hard into cabinets and if I would have been hurt he would have lost his job. I do not think he was concerned about my health or if I was hurt, but he has not of yet pushed or hurt me physically again. He does not want me to have an affair, he obsesses about his first wife having an affair when he was sleeping but yet they went on to have a daughter then HE had an affair after playing some strip game, not strip poker. I doubt his wife even had an affair and when I finally said so, his eyes showed, this one time, yes he lied. there is more but I am feeling angry and he will be home soon so I am going to stop. Praying for this evil to stop.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                      • Andrea

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        My boyfriend is a sociopathic liar.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        He has ruined his own life, mine and the life of our children. He puts his interests above everyone and everything.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        He lies when the truth will do.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        He has found himself in deep financial and probably criminal trouble. He wants us all to sacrifice for him. He’ll get off with no down side, I’ll be lumbered with another debt. There’s no remorse. And it will happen again. And again. And again.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        And yet when you put it to him that his behaviour is abhorrent, he becomes defensive and pushes it back.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        And he’s threatening to kill himself if I don’t agree to help him “undo” all his lies. Lies, upon lies, upon lies, upon lies.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        When will this ever end?

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        • Clover

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                          I have been dating my boyfriend for 2 years and have been friends with him for over 4 years beforehand. I recently broke up with him due to his lies and lies. I always knew he lied but only a little bit and I overlooked them because I just love him so much. It never really directly affected me until now when he dropped off the face of the Earth for a week without contacting me even once. I had been calling daily and leaving text messages but he never responded so I had to resort in sending him an e-mail. He finally replied telling me that he had been really depressed because his friend from Korea was in a coma. He had mentioned this friend before but I always had a feeling it was just a lie to sound cool to have friends from different countries because I have seen him sign on her email and her facebook page with had very few friends which all played a similar facebook game. In addition I had never seen her number stored into his phone, or a number with an Area code from Korea or out of country number. It all seemed to suspicious but it wasn’t a big deal to me at the time. I told him that if he needed some time to himself he didnt have to avoid me and could have responded to a message saying he was going through something and needed time to himself. But instead he made up a wild story saying he was depressed over a friend in Korea. I then told him he should visit her since she is in a coma and may die at any second. Then he replies saying that he has visited her. We both live in the US and still live with our parents. So I just didn’t see how he could have left town without anyone knowing. SO i asked when he left to see her, and he said it was a few weeks ago when I know for sure he was in town and at work during that time.. SO i ask for his passport and plane ticket. He claimed someone else bought the ticket and had his passport. If that wasn’t enough he just kept insisting this friend of his was real! I was so fed up with him putting lies on top of each other that I had to end it. Now he is still avoiding me and won’t meet up to speak about our relationship and is still holding onto my items as a way to keep a hold on me. I am so upset and angry. Most of all I feel numb because I don’t know what to beelive and without trust, how can love survive? I am so numb, I do not know what to feel.

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