Rebound Relationships Dating Advice

Rebound Relationships Dating Advice

What exactly is a rebound relationship or dating on the rebound? Rebound relationship dating is an intense dating relationship that begins very soon after a long-term relationship goes south. As one experienced single person described it: “A rebound relationship is kinda like jumping from one moving train to another. There’s no time for thinking about what you are about to do. Rebound dating is both exciting and dangerous at the same time.” Now that sounds intense!

The fact is, rebound relationships get bad marks from most single women and men who have tried them. The reason is that instead of being that perfect medicine for mending a broken heart, most rebound relationships fail, and consequently cause more pain for both dating partners.

If you are in a rebound dating relationship now, or just thinking about entering one, consider the following dating advice tips in order to protect yourself:

Rebound Relationship Advice for Those Dating on the Rebound

Rebound Relationships Tip 1: Only Fools Rush In

Ending one relationship and rebounding immediately into the next one, is not healthy for you, or fair to the other person. The reason for this is that you need time to grieve and heal before truly being emotionally ready for a new person.

While it’s natural to feel vulnerable and needy immediately after a breakup or divorce, fight the temptation to rebound so quickly into a new dating situation. It may dull your pain, but slow your healing.

Instead, take this time to evaluate what went wrong in the previous relationship, and think about how you can improve yourself for the next.

Rebound Relationships Tip 2: Get Counsel and Accountability

Before taking the plunge into a rebound relationship, get wise counsel from people who know and love you, and who can keep you accountable to making sound judgements.

Unfortunately, people involved in rebound relationships often seek a “quick fix” for their pain and damaged self-esteem. This leaves the rebound dater open for sexual and emotional manipulation by unsavory types who actually prey on the broken hearted.

Another problem with dating on the rebound is that people who do this tend to seek out the same type of person in the previous relationship, which predictably ends with the same results. That’s why it’s important to have several people who can help keep you centered during your healing process.

Rebound Relationship Advice for the Person Dating the Rebounder

Know the Odds

If you’re looking for a long-term commitment, dating in a rebound relationship is definitely not the thing to do. We counsel against entering a dating relationship with someone you know who:

  • Has been out of their previous relationship less than a year
  • Has shown by their words and behavior that they are not over their previous relationship

If you are dating a rebounder as decribed above, the chances are great that you a just a “transitory” person. Once the rebounder in the rebound relationship emotionally heals, they usually end up leaving the other person.

Don’t Let your Guard Down

This is usually not good advice, especially if you are attempting to build an emotionally intimate friendship. However, for your own protection, take it very slow with the rebounder, honestly explaining to him or her that you do not want to be a rebound relationship statistic.

This will take lots of self-control because rebound daters are very needy people who will attempt to fill the void, and blunt the pain in their lives by getting real close, real soon. Don’t take the bait, and save yourself much pain.

If you are a single person, feel free to share your experiences with rebound relationships

Christian Dating Service

82 Comments

    • loislane

      My “boyfriend” keeps dating me after our rebound relationship, which lasted for a month. He started to chase me 2 months after breaking up with his ex, and 4 months later when he was able to be around her, he told me we should stop our relationship. Even after, he keeps dating me and saying he loves me, but just can’t give a committment. I’m wondering… how many of you have dated with the same person after the rebound relationship? Or am I still in a rebound? Or is it a rebound that’s about to work out?

      • David Butler Author

        Dear Lois:

        Thanks for the comment. I feel the anguish in your response, and I am sorry you are going through this.
        In all honesty, it sounds like this guy wants two chickens in his coop, and is using BOTH of you. Do you really want this kind of guy?
        Anyway, we will be praying for you, as you make your decision.
        -David-

        • Amy London

          I am involved with a man for the second time(our first relationship ended about 3 years ago). His last relationship ended about 2 months ago. I know he is emotionally not ready for any kind of commitment (even though my feelings from the previous relationship we had are now begining to resurface) Things got really complicated when on evening of talking as friends ended in sex. I am keep telling him that he is not ready for this and he agrees but he dosent understand why I am upset about having sex that one time when we both agree it was a mistake. My reason is that I still have feelings for him and I dont think it is the right time to tell him that. Am I right in thinking that those feelings should be kept to myself until he is emitionally ready to handle it?

          • ginachoi

            I was dating and living in with a man for a year and a half. I got pregnant and he totally changed his colors once I did! He kept whining to close friends how he was the victim in our relationship. And from that hehis got his closest girl friend always ‘consoling’ him and flirting with him at my 7th month of pregnancy. Once I gave birth, he dumped me and started treating me coldly and dating around. Two months after, he ended up going steady with his close friend (who used to flirt with him while I was pregnant). Dont get me wrong, after all that has happened, I do not want him back. But I sure hope he is in a rebound relationship! Because it so hurts to think that what he felt for me before was so easily replaced considering we have a child. =(

            • David Butler Author

              Amy….Please do yourself a favor and stay as far away from this immoral man as possible…He’s just using you for sex…You can and will do better as you trust the Lord…

              Ginachoi:

              We are praying for you and your baby..If you need a referral to a single parent/ Christian singles group…we will gladly to that for you…You can reach our counselors through our e-mail address on this site..Jesus will never leave you or forsake you…even if men do at times..

              • Penny

                I am wondering if it is possible to reunite with a rebounder after you have been let go. I expereinced a very intense relationship for 2 and 1/2 months. This was a guy that I had known from my past. He had recently had gotten out of an unhealthy relationship with his long time girlfriend and didn’t have time to heal. We got together as friends, we had an immediate connection and it felt as if we had known each other for years. I was everything his ex-girlfriend wasn’t. I am sweet, refined and emotionally giving. I felt we were meant to be together, but then the relationship became intense as he became needy, and we moved way too fast. I was there for him to help him recover from a recent on the job injury. He professed his love for me when actually I realize it must have been a transfer of feelings for the other women. I feel so used. I wonder if he really did have feelings for me. I was so naive and trusted him. He called me last week to tell me he would not be coming over anymore and gave me all kinds of excuses from health to finances. He then sent me an email the next day telling me what he professed as the truth, which was that he still had feeligs fro his ex-girlfriend. I realize he needs a lot of time to heal and be by himself, but I still wonder if there is any chance he would have a change of heart in the future. I guess only the Lord knows…..

                • David Butler Author

                  Penny-

                  Please, please save yourself the pain and stay away from this rebounder..You are sweet, but this guy used you as a rebound date. Please consider hooking in with a Christian singles group for support.

                  • Oncebittentwice shy

                    It’s funny how you don’t hear from certain people until a crisis has happened and they feel that because your a nice person you’ll be there to lick their wounds while its emotionally draining for you they are feeding off of your kindness and if your not careful after they have used you for their own selfish purposes your left to lick your own wounds. Be very careful of rebounders and those people who just use you such as friends when their relationship goes sour and they need sumone to hang with until they resume their relationship again and you can’t hear from them until such another crisis.

                    • David Butler Author

                      Once Bitten:

                      Too true, too true..But are we not we like that with our relationship with the Lord? What you say is true tho. Rebound relationships and rebound dater can be emotionally draining

                      • Tara

                        My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years told me 1 1/2 motns ago that he needed “time”. This time he said he needed was to be by himself, and take care of him. 2 weeks after I moved out and tried to heal, I saw him driving on his birthday with another woman in his truck. I think he knew I saw him because he called me 30 seconds later. I asked him “what am I supposed to think?” He said that he wouldn’t be calling if he was on a date. I just left it. He continued to tell me that this girl was just a friend. Then he started to inflate her importance to get a rise out of me. It didn’t work. I told him one day “You have to love yourself before you can love me or anyone else.” He was before twisting and distorting things I would say. HE will not address his issues, and if he’s lying about her, then he is lying to himself too. Me, when I’m in love, People know. I saw him recently, and he doesn’t look any better or happpier since he broke up with me. So he can go have his “friend”. The result will be predictable as he refuses to realize that what he’s “looking for” is within himself, and if he can’t determine that, he will be a very lost individual leaving a trail of unsuccessful relationships behind. The pattern will not change.

                        • puddinpie

                          Rebound relationships don’t work. I was friends with a man for five years. He is in the process of divorce. I needed financial help, rented him a room. He started talking about a relationship with me first. We dated as friends, now sex at first. When he moved in, he claimed that he knew what he wanted, and that was to marry me. I told him he wasn’t ready. Unfortunately, we had sex. Now, he goes back and forth about his feelings for me. He said that he loves me, but not enough for him to marry me. I would make a good wife for some man, but not for him. The first time he hurt me with his words, I foolishly let him back into my heart. After sex, we always go back to him just wanting to love me, but not make any commitments. I could kick myself for being so stupid. If I didn’t need his financial help, his rent, I would tell him to leave. I know what we have done was wrong in the eyes of God. Especially since we are professing Christians. I was alone for four years, after my divorce. I didn’t date, and thought I could trust him since he was my friend for so long. Now he attacks my character, and says that we are not compatible after saying that we have so much in common. I feel used and emotionally abuse in some ways. But I lost my job, only work part time, and need help. I don’t want to lose my home, I have to live somewhere. I am more angry with myself, for he told me after telling me he loved me, that he didn’t. I let him talk his way back into my heart. We are very good together as friends. But I want for him to leave and I don’t know what to do. I am hard of hearing and it is hard to get a decent paying job. I only work part time, and it is very frustrating. I feel like I let satan in instead of a friend. Sometimes he can be cruel with his so called honesty about how he feels. It hurts really bad. I told him that I don’t trust his mind or his emotions. This is in response to his telling me that I don’t trust him. No I don’t. I am ashamed of hurting God with my weakness. I am ashamed that I wasn’t strong enough to not let myself get into this rebound situation. Please pray for me. Thanks.

                          • Angie

                            I have a dear friend that has been dating a woman who just left her husband a month ago. He has known her for no more than 4months. She has taken over some of his bills (and vice versa) and has just jump right into helping with his kids etc. She still has not introduced her daughter to him or his kids,for fear of messing up the agreement for her divorce.I can’t get him to understand the danger.They both believe they are sent together by God. I try to tell him it can not be of God, she is not even divorced.
                            The hardest part of this for me is he is my ex-husband of 2 years and his kids are mine. I am so afraid for my kids!

                            • Les

                              Hi,

                              My problem is my ex-girlfriend is now dating a rebound guy (I think).

                              I know there is a lot of love still between us but too much pain from 2 very tumultuous years.

                              She wants to maintain contact.

                              I just want to find out how to get her back. And what to do with this guy?

                              • Loan

                                I’ve just recently walked out on my two and a half year relationship with this guy who is demanding, controlling and cheats on me. And now he is telling his family and new girlfriend that he dumped me which is not true. I also know he is dating someone else to get revenge and is on a rebound. He has also started calling me names behind my back, making things up about me and making out like i was the one who ruined the relationship. He has also physically abused me in the past which is the main reason why i left. What are is intentions for doing this? Is he trying to hurt me by saying these things or trying to act like he doesn’t care that the relationship turned sour in fron of everyone elose? The thing that upsets me most is the fact he can make things up about the person who he claims ‘he loves.’And when his rebound relationship ends will he realise what a mistake his made or force himself into another rebound relationship with the next victim? And with his past behaviour with me while we were together, would his new girlfriend go through the same thing once his mask falls off?

                                • Cee

                                  I was in a relationship with a woman for 3 years, we broke up and 3 months later she ws engaged to be married to a old acquaintance and co-worker. I recently spoke to her and she told me that she regretted getting into this relationship so quickly because it was done based on being emotional and lonely. She also has stated to me that he cannot do what I can do in and out of the bedroom, I asked her if she regrets not being with me, misses me greatly loves me dearly, and is not being sexually fulfilled. She stated to me that her situation is kinda complex. She said that she would tough it out and make it work at this point and she just cannot drop this guy because he has not done anything to get dumped over. She told me that she wants to maintain contact with me and if anything in her situaion changes I will be the first to know. How should I handle this situation?

                                  • grace

                                    Get rid of her. She made her bed now she has to lie in it. She only is keeping you around as a “safety net,” just in case she ever finds herself single again. Trust me breakups are hard and take time and goingthrough a lot of pain. If you have worked so hard to move past it cut her loose and join a singles club. life’s too short to hang aroung waiting to be somebody else’s leftovers!

                                    • linda

                                      About one year ago, I went through a pretty bad divorce. I was upset about it for a long time, but feel like I might be getting better. All of my friends tell me I should get out there and date on Christian Mingle some of them even have offered to fix me up, but…I just don’t know if I’m ready. How do I know when the time is right?

                                      • Carol

                                        I am in the middle of divorce with my husband of 8 yrs. Well when we separated, I met a man who was still married. We have been practically living together for 5 months now and we have both said we love each other. He says he really loves me. I told him he needs to start the process of divorce. He and his wife have been seperated for over 2 yrs, and she is from another country. So divorce is complicated.

                                        This is a very crazy relationship…he asked me in the beginning if he was a rebound for me…I told him no…he said he just wanted to make sure…I do love him! I am Christian and have told him this and he accepts this…I feel we are now at a point where something needs to change..I spend a lot of time with him separate from my daughter. When we first met he wanted to do things with me and her but I said no because I was protecting her and had fear of my husband getting custody. He says he knows my daughter is part of this relationship and wants to get to know her…but he hasn’t yet (although he has met her once..Is he just scared? He treats me like a queen but what about my daughter?

                                        • David Butler Author

                                          Dear Carol:

                                          I’m not politically correct so let’s get straight to the point. Rebound relationship or not, you are both still married, so basically you are in an adulterous relationship with a non Christian. God simply won’t bless this this mess. You really need to get out for the sake of your your daughter and your spiritual and emotional well being. We are praying for you.

                                          David

                                          • Bebe

                                            Alright I don’t know why I am feeling certain things but I know what I am feeling is true….I am getting out of a 4 year marriage that ended very sour and I have cooped with it already and I have no feelings what so ever for my ex-husband…So I have been talking to guys and dating again which it has been three months since we have separated and I am so much happier and my life is coming together wonderfully…So I started to date this guy and we have been dating for about 2 months and I have extremely strong feelings for him and I told him I loved him…which I probably should have kept that to myself but I am a straight forward person…and I know that he is falling in love too…now he is scared of being a rebound…should I be scared of that because this doesn’t at all seem like it…I just need some input..

                                            • sarah

                                              I have been split from a man who I had been with for over two years. Looking back at first he wanted to marry me although he was still coming out of a relationship (his ex was still living with him until she could move into her own house). I refused his proposal, but we continued to have a loving relationship for another two years. Sadly however he also had mental issues, and would often get depressed and be volatile and when like this he was very difficult to be with and this did put a strain on us.

                                              However he split from me a couple of months ago, and although reckoned he was not with someone else at the time is now engaged to another woman. However, I know the reason we split was more to do with the fact that I did not want a future with him and never wanted to marry him. We were still very much in love (at least I thought I we were) a month before the split, and feel that he needs to be someone and can’t be alone. This woman he is now engaged to has two young children too (he doesn’t like children and never wanted them and always made nasty comments if children were around and noisy in public places).

                                              I just feel that he is so on the rebound and this poor single mom with children aged 4 and 6 is now engaged to him within at most 6 weeks of being with him.

                                              I am just feeling kinda strange about it all, and then I read this artical on rebound relationships and figured he must be on the rebound, because it all seems just too soon and for someone who doesn’t even like children, well I wonder what kind of a stepdad he will be. I feel sorry for her, and relieved I am out of it.

                                              Thanks for the artical I can really see how much better off I am without him.

                                              • Maddison

                                                I was in a relationship for one month shy of 22 years. I finally had enough, and moved out, in the last year and a half he can not find a place to live, so he occasionally stays here. This has been going on for 1 year and half. My head say let it go my heart say something different.
                                                He tried church and it worked for a few months, I see all the old things commng back up.

                                                • Katherine

                                                  I just got out of a 4 year relationship. Before that both of us were also good friends. During the relationship we were very close, in spite many implications like he is a dropout and he is going through a 2 year army national service, i stuck by him. I was at fault too for the break up, in spite being loving i took him for granted, i used breaking up to motivate him to continue his studies. And sometimes i was even confused if i love him at all and i was extremely frustrated with his laid backness. Now that I lost him, i realised i love him beyond description. However just two weeks after our breakup he found another girl. I was so heartbroken. What should i do?

                                                  • George

                                                    My “fiance” of 5 years just gave me the boot, after “us” planning things very carefully or so I thought. I gave my all to this woman and within two weeks or at least that is what she told me – she was already involved in another relationship that I’m being told was going on all the time. Although I still care for this person, how can one be so “wicked” with deceit and not even care about the damage she inflicted? How does one get over 5 years just like that? Yes, I’ve accepted that it’s over but the pain and the hurt, besides feelings of being used – my manhood took a big hit and left me looking like and feeling like a fool.

                                                    • David Butler Author

                                                      Katherine:

                                                      You need closure. If you don’t contact him one more time, you will always wonder. Knowing the truth once an for all will help you move on with your life.

                                                      Maddison:

                                                      Sister, you need to let go for your own sanity. Rest in the Lord….

                                                      George:

                                                      I am so sorry..I have been there..We are praying for you

                                                      • Charlie

                                                        I disagree with this article. I do think that there are rebounders who do date just to heal the pain, but then there are people like me. I dated a guy for 2 years. Our relationship was rocky and we’d broken up many times over the course of those years. Finally I’d had enough, and walked away. I knew the relationship wouldn’t work any longer. Three weeks later I started dating a long time friend. Everyone I know was falbergasted. No one believes that I’m not rebounding. I don’t feel any pain from my other relationship. It was just time for to end; we were both fooling ourselves and I’m glad I had the good sense to leave, howevver everyone believes that I’m just trying to heal some imaginary pain. I love my new boyfriend very much. I’m not thinking about the long run right now but I am not afraid to go there. I just don’t want everyone’s relationship being labeled as harmful simply because we fit the profile.

                                                        • ka

                                                          Hello Everyone,
                                                          I am scared to type this…I was in a rebound relationship for 3 and 1/2 years we got engaged about 2 or 3 months after we met….We continued to have a toxic tumouluscious relationship. He ended it this past March. He would email me and text me…He would take me out to dinner and tell me he loved me but was confused. I let him suck me back in with hopes of returning as a couple. We went away for two days and had a nice time…about two weeks later something didn’t feel right and I know he was heading on a date and lying…I know he wasn’t my boyfriend, but we just slept together ***Which he used me**** He now has a new girlfriend….I keep thinking he is going to marry her and I was the transitional gal…

                                                          • Paro

                                                            I want to know if I was a rebound?
                                                            HA was in a committed relationship for two years. They broke up in February 2006.
                                                            HA and I were just friends and really enjoyed spending time together.
                                                            Then in July HA got together with a girl she was friends with. She went to visit him in his house and they had sex. Then he told her that a relationship with her is not working.
                                                            He told the story to me and said that she was a rebound. Then he wrote me a love letter and said that he is truly in love with me. I believed in him. We go to start dating. Then he usually talked about hi ex. He even used some of her belongings in front of me. Hidden from me, he usually looked at her pictures and wrote about her. Still I was thinking that he is in love with me.
                                                            After being together for less than two months, he went to some parties that he knew I would not go to. There he drunk, danced and met new people.
                                                            His strange behavior started brothering me. Although he is my first love and the first one I ever kissed. I felt a lot for him.
                                                            Finally I decided to end the relationship. I knew it would not last and the longer I stay the more I get attached to him and the more it will hurt to break up. We broke up and he was saying that he was really sad about it. He wanted to at least stay friends. We are in the same college.
                                                            Then two days after break up, he got together with another person and it is a month they are dating now. Their relationship is mostly just sleeping together. He tells me that he wants to distract himself from me and I do not want to be with him anymore that is why he is in this relation. He still wants to stay friends with me, calls me , and writes to me.
                                                            Was I a rebound or the one before and after me? I am confused who is his real love and who is rebounder? That effects my decision of if I stay friends with him or not?

                                                            • Kara

                                                              I was seeing my ex (guy) for about a year. We’ve been friends for about 5. Crossed a couple of boundaries that we should not have but we talked and prayed over it so it was addressed. Then my ex got married (ie: he started dating less than a month after breaking up with me saying “I’m not looking for a committed relationship”) within a year of our break up. Now they’re expecting a baby. I see them every week at church and I feel like I am being ripped to shreds every week. Why am I so alone and in pain after so long? When will I stop feeling sick. Any helpful ideas?

                                                              • David Butler Author

                                                                Dear Kara:

                                                                Your pain just oozes from this letter, and we feel for you. Of course, we are certainly praying for you as well. Time CAN heal all wounds, but not if the object of your pain is staring you in the face every Sunday. Have you thought about changing churches?

                                                                Secondly, even through tears, cling to Jesus and the promises that you also have a hope and a future in Him.

                                                                Thirdly, Take your mind off this burden by pouring yourself into helping others. That’s an amazing therapy in and of itself.

                                                                Lastly,Christian counseling can help you along in the grieving and healing process.We have links on our site it interested.

                                                                Please keep in touch.

                                                                • David Butler Author

                                                                  Ka:

                                                                  Thanks for your transparent sharing. We are praying for you. I do know one thing from reading most entries:If we save our sex lives for marriage, there will be less pain.

                                                                  • ka

                                                                    David,
                                                                    You are so right. I am an emotional mess. I find myself crying and crying…Some days it is all I can do to make it through the day……..

                                                                    • Jean

                                                                      Speaking of Rebound relationships, I was matched on eHarmony with a man that was not honest with them or myself. He was the ex Chief of Police in a wealthy community and an upstanding citizen, but had not gone through divorce proceedings after the 3rd time of leaving his wife. I initially fell head over heels due to the fact that we had so many common denominators that it was uncanny. The bottom line was that I was his rebound. He got angry when I suggested that may be the case, but when I finally stated the fact that he was still ‘married’ he disappeared completely, without a trace and without a thought to my feelings. It took awhile to recover from being emotionally used. In the long run, I know that I made the right decision early into a lopsided relationship. It hurts to be ‘right’ sometimes, but better to recover from minor injury of a rebound dating relationship compared to the alternative…

                                                                      • Sanity Check

                                                                        regarding rebound relationshipa, Sanity check, please! My boyfriend and I are “serious”, i.e., exchange I Love You’s, and it appeared clear that we’ve embarked on what could be a very long and happy relationship. He’s wonderful (with 1 exception).

                                                                        Here’s the thing. We’re both divorced. Me many years and he only 5 mos (separated 1 yr before). His ex calls him often, and often times the calls have nothing to do with his son. I don’t ask him what they talk about (I often walk away so I don’t seem nosey), so I can’t give specifics. He does misc favors for her, too, which have nothing to do with the child.

                                                                        What’s more, recently he and I were snuggling on the couch, watching tv, and she called. I imagine she asked “what are you doing”, because his first word (post-“hey there”) was “nothing”. Then, we went into the other room and talked in whispers. It upset me and he picked up on it. He asked to talk about it (good sign) and I explained my concern was with him telling her he was doing “nothing” (rather than “[My name] and I are watching a movie”) and then trying to talk so I could not hear. He said “[he doesn’t] want to hurt her feelings”.

                                                                        Before this, he told me that he truly believed that she was “the love of [his] life” for last 20 years. If she were a lesser ex, I don’t think it would bother me so much. But between the “love of my life” comment, the child (which he absolutely adores) and the fact a new girlfriend makes an ex-husband far more appealing, I’m struggling.

                                                                        So, my questions are: How much contact with the ex is too much contact? And why can’t he be honest with her about his new relationship? My personal opinion is that, if you intend to have a successful new relationship, the feelings of your partner should be paramount to the feelings of your ex (consideration given to the relationship for the sake of the child). If our relationship hurts her feelings, so be it. Right?

                                                                        • David Butler Author

                                                                          Dear Sanity Check..This is hard to say, but you are in a rebound relationship. It’s too fresh for him and you are in danger of getting hurt. We suggest separating for a time until he gets his life together. Dating after divorce is tough enough without dealing with a rebound dater.

                                                                          • Kenneth

                                                                            Regarding rebound relationships I guess I am trying to pick up the pieces of myself right now. I was in what I thought was a serious relationship (not a rebound relationship) with a girl who I really loved for 1 yr. She just came off a 17 yr marriage in which he was cheating on her. Well you guessed it, as we approached a year, she dumped me. I was devastated. Still am for the matter. I realize there is nothing i can do. I let my heart open to disappointment. But, what’s funny is, she is now seeing someone else already not even a month after we broke up. So is there a pattern here? Can someone really be healed from what i gave her and ready for another love that quick? Or is she rebounding off my rebound? Do I stop any type of contact and seem mean? Thanks for any shared thoughts. I am writing this from my heart that has been bruised. I need the strength of God and friends to move on.

                                                                            • Sarah

                                                                              OK about rebound relationships my ex-fiance and I dated for 3.5 years and broke up in July. I met my new bf in November and now we are in love. I dated a couple of people shortly after my ex and I broke up but nothing serious. My new bf and I are getting more and more serious and I don’t this to be a rebound relationship. It’s not that I am afraid of being alone-I actually enjoyed being single and dating around for awhile but then I met my boyfriend and he is simply everything I ever wanted. How do I prevent us from being another rebound statistic?

                                                                              • stacey

                                                                                Hi well right now i think im a rebound relationship because i still have feelings for my ex, and also my current boyfriend has feelings for me too, but people say im using him in this rebound relationship to get over my previous relationship but im not.

                                                                                • Christina

                                                                                  In regard to rebound relationships I had a long-term relationship with a Deacon. I lost my virginity to him after his repeated pressuring. He left me after a year, because he said he “just had a feeling” that our rebound relationship “was not meant to be.” Of course, that did not stop him from calling me at night, and sleeping with me post-breakup. I just found out a few days ago that he started seeing a twenty-year old girl who works at a fast food restaurant. Throughout our post-breakup get-togethers (rebound relationships) he always told me there was no one else he was with… but now I know that he was seeing that girl just a few days after he left me. I feel so stupid for believing his lies.

                                                                                  Part of me wants to tell his church about the real kind of person he is. But he always tells me that no one will believe me, and they’ll just think I’m a psycho ex-girlfriend. I probably won’t ever say anything, because I’m worried that it would be more out of vengeance than concern, anyway.

                                                                                  • Krista

                                                                                    In regard to rebound dating relationships, I have been dating a guy for over 2 years, we are both Christians we met a hospital fundraiser a few months after he had been through a divorce. The only problem I have is the fact that he will mention something his ex did to him that was very mean, or talk about how she had affairs, etc. I usually just let it go and after he mentions it – he lets it go. A few nights ago, he said something again; I told him it upset me and he just looked at me and didn’t say a word. I quietly left and went home. The next day I talked with his mom and she already knew what happened because he called her. She told him that he needs to let the past go or let me go. He talks about marriage sometimes and then other times he says he isn’t going to marry ever again. Three days have passed since that night and we yet to speak. It’s like all the sudden it’s over. He told his mom that he loves me but he doesn’t want to be married again. What do I do? – am I a rebound?? Do I give him some time? Or do I move on?

                                                                                    • Wendy

                                                                                      Regarding rebound dating relationships, I just got out of a almost 3 year relationship. I had to leave the relationship because some of my needs were not being met. I’m a little hurt sure. I know its only going to take me about 2 months to get “over” this. Over all the relationship was great compared to all the others and we are friends.

                                                                                      Now I do like a guy that I meet not to long ago. But in no way are we serious. At least not yet. We have a lot in common and I dont want this to be a rebound dating relationshp, and I’m sure it wont be.I have been in rebound relationships before and everything moves way to fast.

                                                                                      • kel

                                                                                        In regard to rebound relationships, I dated this guy for about 8 months. He was in a 5 year relationship and we started dating 6 months after. I had been in an awful relationship with my son’s father and ended it 2 months before him and i met. My son’s father verbally and physically abused me. When the new guy and I started dating he talked about his ex a lot. She also would drop by his house saying they are just really good friends now. She has a boyfriend and I was there when she stopped by. Everything was fine in the start. He worked out of town a lot so we only really seen each other when he was in. I realized I was starting to neglect my parental responsabilities. He drank almost every night he was in and i drank along with him. In the end everyting was my fault and even after we broke up. He hardly ever called me only texted me. I started getting it together, started picking upo the pieces. After we broke up i was an emotional mess trying to contact him. He started believing things one of his friends were telling him, so he text me telling me I’m such a liar and I need to stop being messy and lying. I pretty much figured this was a rebound relationship for both of us. When they start shift blaming saying its your fault you fault all you can do is walk away. You dont want to end up like that. Walk away with some pride and worry about you!

                                                                                        • Richie

                                                                                          In regard to rebound relationships, how do you pray for someone that is victim to lies and manipulation. my fiancee got confused, conflicted over marriage in general and a guy she works with. she told me about it and told me she needed space, i accepted that expecting her to come around. my exwife got a hold of her and told her a bunch of lies about me. my now ex-fiancee will have nothing to do with me and is with the other guy. he is an emotional predator and used manipulation to get her attention in the first place

                                                                                          we did go fast, but i’m not sure this is a rebound dating relationship since we were friends from the past. there was chemistry then but we were so young. when i got back in touch with her she was living with a guy. she said that the relationship was emotionally dead for months and she just didn’t have a reason to ask him to leave, they were living as roommates in separate rooms.

                                                                                          • Tara

                                                                                            I just got out of an almost 4 yr relationship. The guy is my best friend and we still hang out and have sex occasionally. 1 week after we broke up he decided to talk to another girl, and they got really close really quick, but me and this guy are still having sex, do you think that i should warn the girl about what is going on? or leave it be?

                                                                                            • Zafod

                                                                                              Wow you so called christians have very loose morality, you’re all fooling around without being married. I guess that is what Jesus meant in Matthew 15:8 “This people draweth nigh unto me with their mouth, and honoureth me with their lips; but their heart is far from me.”

                                                                                              • thalan

                                                                                                In regard to rebound dating relationships, I sat here and read everyone comments. All I can say is I finally found people who understand where I come from. For some reason guys who are the rebound are attracted to me. They date me for a while and they either end back with their girlfriend or find someone else. I really don’t deserve this!!!I’ m a good person who is looking for love as well and I’m so tried of having my heart broken by selfish men who are only looking oout for their needs and not thinking how it will effect other people. I just wish for once that someone will take me seriously instead of view me as just a friend.

                                                                                                • Insanity

                                                                                                  In regard to rebound dating relationships, I was in a 9 year relationship and found out my ex had cheated on me once while drunk. He didn’t tell me about it for a long time, but I couldn’t forgive him and we separated. While we were separated, I started hanging out with a guy from work, and things got serious. I got a divorce and soon after, I got remarried. Now I keep thinking I have wronged my ex, that I should have been there for him, and that I don’t know what I am doing. I love my husband, but at times my love for my ex outweighs that love. I know that my husband loves me very much, and is afraid that I am going to leave him, and at this point I have thought about it so much that I have a hard time believing myself when I tell him I am not going anywhere. He has done nothing wrong except for wanting to be with me and to love me, and all I can do is think of my ex and how much I still love him. I don’t know what to do, and wish desperately that I had not opened the door to a relationship until I was ready. At the time I felt that God was bringing us together to heal my hurt over my ex, but now I am not sure at all that I have done the right thing.

                                                                                                  • sally

                                                                                                    i went out with my ex boyfriend for 4 and a half years from the time i was 17-21. I loved him very much and he loved me very much. He tried his best but addiction got the hold of him and he could not put in the effort required to maintain a good relationship. Also being very young he was influenced by those other males around him and how they were living their lives (mostly all were single) he cheated on me and covered it up for 3 months until i eventually found out. I dumped him and went through the most pain i have ever experienced in my life. I was physically ill, could not eat and could not see the light at the end of the tunnel. I ended up moving out with one of his close friends and another couple of friends. Everything was innocent enough at first but it grw into a sexual relationship and then into a serious relationship. we have been dating for 4 months. I have read all of your comments and i am really stuck as to what to do in my situation..the boy im with now is caring, loving, understanding, he would do anything for me, he gives me security and we are nesting now-just like I wanted with my other boyfriend but he could not give me that. do you think i am doing the wrong thing? we both have lost many friends over us being together. however i feel us as a couple are very well suited and we share the same common goals in life. he is someone i picture myself marrying and he says the same thing to me. however….i still think about my ex. even though he hurt me so much we were together for so long and he still is in contact trying to get me away from my current boyfriend. i dont want to hurt either of them-or myself.

                                                                                                    • AfricanQueen

                                                                                                      Rebound relationships are never good. I once fell in that trap with a childhood friend who had started asking me out when I was around 15 years and when I was 21 and just had my second baby he started to show interest again. Because I just came out of a painful relationship with the father of my kids, he didn’t have to convince me much. I visited him and unfortunately we had sex; shameful was the fact that it was my first visit to him. A few days after that it was New Years Eve of 2006, his girlfriend rocked up at his place where we had a party with friends. It was a chaotic outcome, she screamed at him and also approached me but not volently. However, she told me all the ins and outs of their relationship. It was a painful realisation that I was nothing but another one of his sex objects. However I thanked God that he watched over me that night because we had planned to have sex again on that night.
                                                                                                      I also realise that I didn’t feel anything for that man, all I wanted was to feel loved and needed after the heartbreak I had experienced. I have forgiven him even though we just went seperate ways without discussing what had happened, i guess deep down we both know it was just a big mistake.
                                                                                                      We still hang around the same group of friends since we are all childhood friends and somehow we’ve both managed to not act akward around each other because of what happened.

                                                                                                      Thanks,

                                                                                                      • John White

                                                                                                        My friendship with my girlfriend was broke off last October, She said she did not want me to go over to her place anymore. I asked why and she stated I took her friendship for granted and that I hid her from my parents. My parents never met her. I feared rejection by them because I have never been married and have no children and she has been divorced twice and has 3 children. Just last week I had a co-worker contact her to talk to her because I still have very strong feelings for her and we had expressed that we love one another on many occasions. She told my friend that she has a new love in her life and they have already exchanged engagement rings. Can you tell if she is telling the truth? It is hard to believe it has been only 2.5 months since the break up and she has already rushed into a new relationship. Is this a reboud relationship and will it last? Will she ever come back. I am in agony and have asked God for resolve. Please help.

                                                                                                        • Roxy C

                                                                                                          I recently broke up with my ex after being in a 2 year relationship. 2 weeks after we decided to end things he started to date another girl who goes to the same college as me and by no means is my college large at all. He told me that i should be happy that he waited 2 whole weeks after our break up to go out with this girl! Also this girl knew who i was and knew that i was going out with him and she had liked him so she added me on facebook and i guessing when she saw that we had ended the relationship she went after him. The reason why we ended things is because we didnt see a futre and we decided to end things then so we could stay on a good note soo much for that right? I feel like i never got the time to heal before i have to start thinking about him with another girl! He wont even say sorry to me for the pain im in not the pain he has put me through and he stood up for her after knowing her for 3 weeks and didnt even try to see it from my point of view after knowing me for 2 years! In the end i keep telling myself if he is happy then im happy for him cauz in the end i only want the best in life for him but i some how dont think the same goes for him. Do you think this is a rebound relationship he is in or somthing that might actually last? Its funny he always use to call me immature in our relationship but i some how thinks he is the immature one now.

                                                                                                          • julie

                                                                                                            i need help. i am still in love with my ex. we have been split for five months and i can tell he still loves me too. i am in a rebound relationship but i have moved in with the new guy. my ex just started dating a new girl, but we still feel the sttraction. what shoukld i do? should i stay with my new boyfriend and not risk hurting him or should i go back to my ex? i am really confused and depressed i need good unbiased advice and quick! please someone help. my email is jllewis3@mail.usf.edu please comment!!

                                                                                                            • Adriana

                                                                                                              I agree with the article, but it does not apply to everyone who is newly divorced.
                                                                                                              I was in an abusive relationship for 2.5 years and I have been divorced for about a month now. No kids. Don’t have any heartaches and I am at peace with myself. I feel strong actually!
                                                                                                              I had come a long way before I was even officially divorced. I could say I was lucky, because I had endless support from friends and family. Growing up in a normal loving family made all the difference for me.. it helped me see right and wrong all along in my marriage. And above all, it helped me correct myself about what I was looking for. This experience has only made it much more clearer for me. I have a clear definition of what I want and need in my head.
                                                                                                              It can happen that you meet someone who has many of the qualities you are looking for in a person. You can’t decide when you are going to meet someone, it just happens. But you can decide if you are ready, emotionally available, healed to date or not. And if you feel like you are not, and he/she is right for you, he/she will wait for you. Friendship is a nice start to a strong relationship they say. I agree. It’s all about companionship, right?
                                                                                                              So I think it is wonderful if you meet someone and want to date again and it should happen to everyone. Maybe start slow, then date, and for sure go even slower about the next stages as well! Slow is good, slow is great!!

                                                                                                              • Lindiwe DD

                                                                                                                I am in a relationship of four years with my boyfriend who does not want to be a Christian,but I met a Christian man of fourty years of age,having two kids and unpleasant marraige with a non Christian wife.I wanted to leave him for his family,but he refused telling me that he wants to marry me and have kids with me.We are taking things very slowly as he said he need to make sure that our future is comfortable,we haven’t slept together as we want to do the correct things as Christians.I dearly love him.Pls H

                                                                                                                • Nikita

                                                                                                                  Y’all should go to Jesus in prayer (even if you have to go on a fast), live it at his feet….he is the healer and more often than not, we tend not to acknowledge his presence in our lifes…(Read Psalm 91…The Message Translation)
                                                                                                                  i have a similar situation(this time i’m in the deciding stage, on if i should start something with him), but after reading this note and comments…i’ve realise that it will only break my heart and confidence. So i’m already saying NO to that relationship.
                                                                                                                  @Lindiwe…i think you’re on the right track, just take it SLOW and keep your eyes opened, sex will cloud ur vision of the truth and remb “Your body is a temple of God”.

                                                                                                                  • Sean O'Connell

                                                                                                                    My ex cheated in me after three years in October. We have a dughter together. In December the affair ended and we started talking again. She told me she loved me to pieces and made a big mistake. We started going to counseling to repair our relationship. I had a lot of anger issues and moved out again after a week. We worked on things for two months. Counseling mostly. In the beginning of April she told me she loved me and we had a great family day at the zoo. Mid April after a few weeks of thinking she tells me she wants me in her life. Also around that time her friend told me she talks about me all the time. About that time she ran into a guy she new from high school 15 years ago. Talked to him for a week, dated him for a week, and then moved him in with her. Of course I was shocked after she just told me she loved me and wanted me in her life. Question 1 – Does this girl really have feelings for me and is she just confused?
                                                                                                                    Question 2 – Is she in a rebound relationship just trying to fill the void and see if I am what she wants?
                                                                                                                    Question 3 – What are the chances of the new relationship working out?
                                                                                                                    Question 4 – What should I do to make her want to comeback? The best I have heard is to cut off all contact from her and let the new relationship run its course.

                                                                                                                    Thank you,

                                                                                                                    Sean

                                                                                                                    • Sophie

                                                                                                                      My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years when he randomly one day said that he didnt feel the same about me and ended it when hours before he was telling me how much he loved me!

                                                                                                                      I was heartbroken and very confused however we kept in contact and things seemed on the up, he was flirty and calling me pet names and giving lots of kisses on the end of conversations (instant messaging) then one day 2 weeks ago I find out he has a new girlfriend. (4 weeks to the day after we broke up and 3 weeks after he told me that he still loves me but needs some time to be single!)

                                                                                                                      I hope and pray every day that this is a rebound relationship as i love him with all my heart. Im seeing him in one week at a friends birthday, please, could anyone give advice as to what I can do to win back his heart? i really miss him. Thank you so much.

                                                                                                                      • jan

                                                                                                                        I left my husband after 10 year of being cut down and no friends and hardly got to see my family and when they did come he made them feel uncomfortable and then when they leave we fight over them coming, before I left he argued with me all the time over stupid things and kept on bringing up divorce and when I did leave I left while he was at work and he never called to see why i left, I think he was waiting for me to and then I find out he is dating someone less than 2 weeks later and still had not called,now he lives with her for 4 or 5 months and the divorce is over, I still think of him and want to get him out of my head, I left him and he was hard to live with but I think the reason I think of him is cause I have nobody and not sure I want to but sometimes wish I did, but not sure how I should feel, I have family I spend time with but I do miss someone to tell me they love me and hold me and tell me things I want to hear. I just can not beleave he never called I guess he already had her and did not ever really care about me in the first place and that hurts. It is hard when I run into them together but not as bad as it was. She even called me to have me tell her why I left him and I explained all of it. Just confused in a way I want a man and then I dont all at the same time.

                                                                                                                        • Judy

                                                                                                                          Jan, your short stint separation/divorce sounds a lot like mine. You were in a state of divorce long before the ten years were up. Much of what you experienced falls in line with emotional and verbal abuse. True love cannot survive in this type of environment. My ex was the same way. To date, he cannot think of anything he has done wrong. He now lives with his new friend and plans to marry soon (his fourth).

                                                                                                                          What I am doing and I hope you can do is well, is start to healing and get on with a new life with someone who loves, respects and treats you like a queen. That would more than likely not be your ex since he has moved on. Use your energy more constructively to get your self ready for “the new man” one day. Find things to do that make you happy and begin identifying your needs, goals and expectations from future relationships. Also, take notes of what you contributed to the divorce and what he contributed. Try not to keep choosing the same type of man as this is usually our biggest problem. That’s why the downtime from a divorce is a good time to assess what went wrong and how you can improve in the future.

                                                                                                                          Hang in there.

                                                                                                                          • helen

                                                                                                                            I googled rebound relationships to find some comfort for my broken heart. There is a lot of pain out there, and certainly much confusion. I feel that if I write, I will absolve some of my pain. I am in the process of ending an emotionally abusive 14 year marriage, actually the papers are being signed. I was later informed by a therapist that it appears that was never in a marriage to start. If i never had a true relationship, am I really rebounding? How sad to find that after having children and a home, I never had a true partner. I know that I should have waited, but I too, find myself searching for someone; loneliness, companionship and just wanting to experience the feelings I have been lacking. I got involved with a man, who I met on a airplane and how romantic it was. His wife cheated and he is rebounding, he admitted after 2 months, that he still loves her. I encouraged him to see how precious love is and forgive her. He said love isn’t enough, but that not all relationships end ugly. ( He still has their picture oh his cell phone) which indicated to me, that he is definitely not even in the rebound stage. He said that being on the rebound is destructive and we are just bad timing. I know that this is the truth. My problem.. why am I grieving over a man I knew 2 months, when I did shed a tear over a man I was with for 17 years. It has been two weeks.. two very long weeks. I pray for the strength to move forward and to heal. I pray that he finds the answers that he needs and the strength to do what is right.

                                                                                                                            • Joe

                                                                                                                              I met someone very special in August of last year. We started dating and we were having a great time and we share a lot of the same interests in life. She is perfect for me. She soon told me that she had ended a 2 yr relationship in May and she ask me to forgive her if she was feeling needy or insecure. We have seen each other about once a week or two ever since then. Also, her grandpa, who raised her recently died and her dad is also with terminal cancer and these things are obviously affecting her. I do not want to be that rebound guy. I love her to death and I believe that if it wasnt for her current situation, we could have something special. Last weekend we had a great time snow tubing. I picked her at 8 am on a Sunday and we drove two hours on a very cold Sunday. If she didnt want me around, I doubt she would accept seeing me so early on a Sunday. I need advice, what shoud I do, say to her?? I get the feeling I need to give her her space tp heal and not see her for a while eventhough I would miss her dearly but if I want her in the long run, I feel like I should do this. If I write her a letter, what tone should I use?

                                                                                                                              Thank you so much in advance!

                                                                                                                              • Lor

                                                                                                                                I recently was approached by a friend who had just ended a year-long relationship a few days earlier. He told me that he’s always been interested in me, but could never act on it because of his girlfriend. He himself stated that he likes to immediately get into new relationships after one ends, so that he doesn’t dwell on it and become depressed. He denies that ours would be a rebound relationship, but I’m obviously doubtful. As much as I like him, I don’t want to be the rebound girl.

                                                                                                                                • Anonymous

                                                                                                                                  I met my husband before his divorce was final in 2009. Needless to say, it has been a very hard year for us. Being in a rebound marriage has been very trying for us both. It has been healthy at times and there have been regrets on my part about getting involved but I feel dedicated to make my marriage work. It just hurts and I have to keep things in perspective because he is going through a hard time. But I sometimes feel slighted that he gave me the wrong impression and I struggle with this every time there is a problem involving his ex. He wants to talk about his past often, and tells me that he feels better that he was able to get things off his chest. Really, I am thinking, it has been since 2008 when they separated. It is now 2010 and you still feel good about getting things off your chest about your ex to your current wife. I am a women and I have experienced a prior divorce, but I cannot relate to him at all. We separated and it was over, no friends after wards. Cut and done. I feel like I made a poor decision in getting married, and not sure what to do now.

                                                                                                                                  • DeJah

                                                                                                                                    I’m dating a man who is going through a divorce and so am I. It seems that we both have the qualities that our spouses lacked. We clicked instantly and as the article predicted, we move pretty fast. We’ve already had sex once. I really care for this guy and I know he cares for me as well. The problem is that I don’t want us to end up using each other as rebounds. Is there any way that I can slow things down but keep our connection?

                                                                                                                                    • paula

                                                                                                                                      I am going through a divorce. My husband of almost 18 years said he was over being married to me. I was told that I didn’t do enough in our marriage or around the home. Upon separating I found out he had been talking to an old girlfriend from 19 years earlier. He was hiding these details from me. He talked to her or texted her at all hours of the day and night. He sent messages to her telling her how pretty she was and basically lusting after her. According to the Bible is this considered adultery even if he said he had no sexual relations with her.

                                                                                                                                      • leroy

                                                                                                                                        I was with my wife for 17 years, caught her finally after denying she was having an affair. she turned it around and blamed me for neglecting her, and so on. it’s been 3 months since i exposed her affair. on facebook she is listed as engaged, i checked her bfs’ facebook and it says still single and loooking for dating.. we have children who are teens now. we used to txt but it always turned out nasty in the end; he is so caring, buys me things, we have the best sex ever, he treats me nice. It always seems to be what he does for her, it’s never what she does for him. she was a self centred person, never took responsibility for anything she did to me, and now she takes every opportunity to tell me how happy she is and her bf is everything I wasn’t. I’m not a bad person, i tried my best to live with her (she came back with our children 8 yrs ago after being with a man for 4 yrs after the man beat her). Now i’m taking a stand, not txtng or replying. telling her she can contact our children to set up visits, kids live with me. deep down i think she still does care but i would never consider being with her agin unless there’s a lot of counseling and alot of hardwork, but i’m not waiting. i’m healing my wounds, healing myself and my soul. the reason why i say she may stil have feelings for me is why else would she go out of her way to say how happy she is, how loving this guy is, how he tries to buy her love with gifts and still holds anger and resentment for me, like it was my fault she had an affair. am i doing the right thing by going forward and not having any contact with her? Please I need advice and guidance and your thoughts. I can take it.

                                                                                                                                        • just want to be loved

                                                                                                                                          My ex-boyfriend of 3 years just broke up with me about 3 months ago…since the break up he has gotten with another woman two weeks after we broke up and they are saying they are in love. I have recently slept with my ex and I told his new GF she does not believe me but i probaly wouldnt either…my question is does he still have feelings for me or is it really over, will this relationship with this new girl work because I still am very in love with him.

                                                                                                                                          • Mark Davis

                                                                                                                                            Hi all. First of all, I have to state that I’m not Christian or Muslim, since I was physically abused on my childhood by a priest (non sexually), but I want to hear the answers given by wise and peaceful people like you.

                                                                                                                                            Here’s my history:

                                                                                                                                            I left a relationship 2 years ago, and felt so hurted I thought I would never get in love again or meet the woman of my dreams, ever.

                                                                                                                                            I moved to work into another corporation, and 2 months ago a lovely woman of 23 (I’m 31 and look like 25) moved to my office.
                                                                                                                                            We made eye contact, and soon she was sitting near to me or directly at my side, and we enjoy our company very much in our office breaks. We love the same music, she talks a lot to me and I’m a good listener, she presented me her best female friend (who is 26 yo) and I had some beers with them at the end of the day. I returned soon to home that day because of some obligations.

                                                                                                                                            I asked her on a date, but she insisted in going with her female friend. She’s left a relationship 4 months ago. I don’t want to be the rebound.

                                                                                                                                            Finally I cancelled the date because she forced me (via TXT/SMS) in a “hurry” schedule to meet her, like in a sort of test to see if I am “needy”, and I don’t tolerate these types of behaviour so I saw no need to reward them. We agreed in dating another day.

                                                                                                                                            but, in the other hand, we communicate at a level never reached before with another person, and she thinks the same(but won’t say it to me directly)

                                                                                                                                            A few days ago I entered my profile in a social site (please note these type of sites run large databases with millions of users)

                                                                                                                                            I entered my profile in order to meet old friends. But I tested other capabilities, and I found one to check your best mate in Love…
                                                                                                                                            So I clicked the button and… Voilà, There she was, my workmate, among millions,the first in the line!!! God works in mysterious ways!!!!

                                                                                                                                            We interchanged some humorous remarks, but she is absent from the site since then. I’m in my second day of holidays, so I won’t see her again until a week later.

                                                                                                                                            I note she loves me, but she is afraid of committing to true love. She is so special to me, I won’t mind “taking it slow and easy” what would you reccomend? Lots of thanks in advance.

                                                                                                                                            • Kelly

                                                                                                                                              Wow – were to start. I found out my husband was cheating on me and we started the divorce process. 3 months later the husband of the women my husband was cheating with called me to tell me he believed his wife and my husband were cheating. I told him he was right, that I was so sorry. We spoke for a while, he was divorcing his wife as she wanted to be with my husband. He asked if I’d like to meet for coffee, I agreed. We meet and spoke for 2 hours. He is an incredible man. Anyway, to make a long story short, we were kind of inseperable after that. It started out as supporting eachother through such a tough time. Then, we realized we feel in love and it was intense. Both of us being Christian and still married we wanted to be careful. Have boundries, we spoke about the fact that what we were experiencing was probably not real. However we both felt like God had a hand in us meeting. We dated for 6 months, believing we would someday get married and have children together. My Divorce was finalized 3 months before his. During the 6 months he would have moments of feeling like he needed to be alone, he would get depressed and feel a need to escape all reality. He even jumped on a plane to the Ukraine without telling anyone to go see his family. 3 weeks later, I jumped on a plane to bring him back as his kids needed him and running away was not the answer. He was so thankful I did that. When we got back things were great for about a month. Then he just broke everything off. He said he needs to be alone. He said that he doesn’t want to hurt me with his emotional instability. He cut off all contact. When we last spoke, it was a 3 hour discussion and he was a mess. He is so lost and it hurts so badly that he cut me out so completely. We left is as…..if you love something, set it free, if it comes back to you, it’s yours….if not, it was never meant to be. He wants me to move on and forget about him; and if he ever comes back……he said he will be ALL mine! I just don’t know if I should wait or not. Was this relationship doomed from the moment we meet? I loved him more than I’ve every loved anyone and I miss him terribly!

                                                                                                                                              • pondering

                                                                                                                                                @kelly,

                                                                                                                                                i recommend you give him his time and that you focus on improving your own life in the process. it will be hard, especially if he starts dating again and it isn’t you. but you will save yourself alot of pain. you are not “cut out completely”. i’m sure there are many times he thinks of you. but let it be for now just that… thoughts. someday in the future the answers will reveal itself. take care of yourself.

                                                                                                                                                • unsure

                                                                                                                                                  I was with my exboyfriend for 6 years. We’ve really gone through a lot, he was abusive, controlling, and at some point i got attracted to someone else. Then everything went back to normal for a few months, then eventually, he broke up with me saying that i cheated. I was devastated and hit rock bottom really hard. I felt, what was wrong with me? Why did i do to waste something so great? Eventually i learned, that he was really attracted to this other girl, and they became official a month after our breakup. This really pushed me to move-on, because i had to. Now, i don’t know if the new girl was his rebound.. well it doesn’t matter anymore.

                                                                                                                                                  Now, just a few months after, i am seeing someone new. I am unsure if it’s a rebound reln, but i feel happy.. but still very afraid. i do not know if this will last. But now, i feel that it will be okay if it does last forever. Though in some nights, i will still cry about my ex, and i do think about my ex alot, though i do not imaging getting back with him anymore. I am afraid of taking another risk, cause ive learned that even if you’ve been with someone for so long, you still don’t know them. I am afraid to say my feelings, i am afraid to be intimate… But i always tell myself, why should i let a good thing pass just because of timing?

                                                                                                                                                  I don’t know..

                                                                                                                                                  • denise

                                                                                                                                                    hi.. i have just ended an 11year long emotionally abusive relationship about a month ago, i ran into an old friend i used to date when we were both still quite young. he has also recently divorced after a five year marriage. at first it seemed like we were destined to run into each other, both single, young and carefree. we exchanged numbers, text messages and we went on 3 dates. which all went great, cause he is really into me and same on my side. he is very interested in my life, family , work, interests ect. we slept together on second date, which we both realise was like they say , jumping the gun and he decided we should take things a bit slow because he treasures what he has with me. and get to no each other once again as it was fifteen years ago we dated. i think i mite have scared him of a bit by telling him how i feel about him and how he makes me feel. he told me in a very nice way to stop pushing him and that i was acting like his wife. i really do like this guy and i dnt want to lose him… as of yet, he had asked to go somewher tomorow nite and we could speak about what is on the mind. im so scared to go as i am afraid he will tell me i am to insecure for him…i am not sure if i hav to go or do i just wait and see what his response is , cause we have both kind of been ignoring each other now for two days, do i call him or should i wait for him.. pls. advice….

                                                                                                                                                    • A

                                                                                                                                                      Met a guy who was instantly attracted to me. 2 1/2 weeks later he calls and we go out. During 1st date he says he waitied awhile to call because he needed to make sure things were done with his ex as they had broke up a month ago. 3 dates later, he calls and says he’s not quite over his ex. (9 month back and forth relationship for him and her). When i met him, he was of course confident it was over… I was the rebound. But took the high road with him and wished him luck. He recipricates with thanks for understanding and proceeds to say it’s not you, you are an amzing person and I had a great time with you. blah, blah. Now, I know it’s not me, timing was wrong. However he was emotionally reckless with my emotions. What I need to know from you is, do i prepare my self to hear from him again? I am moving on and refuse to be number 2 but just wanted your thoughts.
                                                                                                                                                      THanks

                                                                                                                                                      • anthony

                                                                                                                                                        Hey everyone

                                                                                                                                                        I don’t want to sound like a bad person because I believe I’m not I always try to do the right thing

                                                                                                                                                        So my ex broke up with me because she cheated on me, I was destroyed by it.

                                                                                                                                                        I meet a really nice girl about a month later and we started dating, I really like her but I still love my ex.

                                                                                                                                                        I don’t want my ex I want nice girl and I want to keep her, I dint want her to be s rebound or her to feel like a rebound

                                                                                                                                                        • W

                                                                                                                                                          Was with a girl for almost a year, we hit it off really well and became close. decided to date and eventually got really seious. Long story short we got engaged mid October, then 2 weeks later, she said “she needed time for her and her daughter.” Low and behold she has been rebounding with a few different guys, then all of a sudden I found out she’s getting married (by courts) to a guy she just met online.

                                                                                                                                                          I get the feeling this rebound is gonna turn out really bad.

                                                                                                                                                          • Linda B

                                                                                                                                                            I was engaged to a man I used to work with. After our break up, he quickly moved on to a relationship that didn’t work out. Months passed by and he started looking for me again. This time around, he wanted to just “hang out with me” while he figured out what he wanted to do with his life, because according to him, he was a “confussed person.” I let him back into my life because I loved him and unfortunately still do. Unfortunately, things took an unexpected turn, weeks later after our “reconection” I found out he had become really “good friends” with another woman from our work place who had recently broke up with her ex-fiance. I found out mutual flirting texts from each other, all happening maybe from before and during the time he was looking for me. Such discovery made me feel so stupid and humilliated. Later, I found out this woman has spent nights at his apartment the times me and him didn’t hang out. I noticed that when I tried to get a hold of him and was unsuccesful was because he was spending time with her. He keeps on denying there is anything going on between the two of them, she has denied everything too.

                                                                                                                                                            They both claim they only hang out as friends but I don’t believe either. If such was a case why would my ex-fiance, who’s trying to keep me in his life hide who his friends are? Why she, a woman I thought was my friend, would not even attempt to come clean about becoming such good friends with the man I still love? She would not like it if I was to hang out with her ex-fiance in the same way, I know this because they were together over 7 years and they only broke up no more than 4 months ago.

                                                                                                                                                            As it is obvious, I feel insulted, humiliated, and stupid. The worst part of it all is that I don’t know how to ignore this man when he looks for me. It hurts so much to know that even if I ignore him, he has replacement ready to go.

                                                                                                                                                            • Wendy

                                                                                                                                                              WOW! The things we go through in relationships…my ex-fiance’ and I split up at the end of February this year. We had been together for just a little over 4 years. Circumstances kept us from going ahead and actually getting married. However, I made the big mistake of living with him outside of marriage to begin with! When things were getting settled down and I finally asked him if we were ever going to get married…that’s when things started to go downhill. It didn’t help that over the prior year or two I had discovered another side of him that sufferred from PTSD from being active duty in the Bosnian War in 1992 as well as having ended a 9 YEAR physically, emotionally and verbally abusive marriage to a woman that was a Bi-Polar alcoholic. Whew! That was a lot!. Anyway, the beginning of our relationship was everything I had ever dreamt a relationship to be. Nearly 2 1/2 years through the relationship I saw this man change immensely…became EXTREMELY withdrawn and emotionally shut off. Either way, I tried to reach him and was unsuccessful. His Mom passed away from cancer in January of this year and losing her was like a trigger to his PTSD, I’m almost sure of it. It has broken my heart as well as my children’s hearts immensely. He NEVER gave me a good reason WHY we couldn’t be together anymore…just that he needed to be alone…he didn’t want to be with me or anyone else. Guess that wasn’t true since 2 weeks later I find out he is seeing a woman 12 years older than him who dresses like tramp, is very controlling and worst of all, an ATHEIST. I’ve prayed so much for God to get through to his head and most especially his heart. I have to believe that God will get through. I just hope he gets through “in time” because this woman and he are now “supposedly” engaged and getting married this October. When we split up he said that he loved me, would always care about me and didn’t want anything to ever happen to me. NOW, he won’t speak to me, relays mean and cruel messages to me through his son an daughter in law and has become VERY withdrawn from his entire family. I’m guessing this relationship of his is a “rebound” but I pray that he figures it out and has the strength and courage to do the right thing about it before its too late. I know the chances of him getting his head/heart right are slim and most especially that he’ll ever contact me for help. However, after much needed advice from friends at church, I have FINALLY “Let go and Let GOD” handle him. Please pray for him. He REALLY needs it.

                                                                                                                                                              • Samantha

                                                                                                                                                                I started dating my now ex-bf in August a couple years ago… he and his 2nd wife had split as of February that year. We had a whirlwind beginning with him telling me he loved me within a week of actually meeting and we had some intense conversations about me not wanting to be his ‘re-bound’, etc etc. He SWORE to me I wasn’t, that he was done with it, that they hadn’t been in a typical marriage situation for the 2 years prior to when they decided to call it quits, that he was ready for a ‘real relationship’, etc. Long story short is after 2 years and alot of me being there for him emotionally, physically & mentally through alot of life’s curveballs, he dumped me through a text message. He literally has not spoken a word to me since and can’t even be in the same room / vicinity as me even though I’m still friends and ‘family’ with everyone in his family and I still see and talk to his kids. I realized I was a rebound when I found out he dumped me on Thursday, took another woman to dinner on Saturday, told her he was madly in love with her on Tuesday and the 2 of them set the date for their ‘wedding’. The defining ‘ah-hah’ moment was when it hit me and I thought it was kind of funny that he and I and our kids had been out looking at a house to move into on the Sunday before he texted me to break it off. He lives in a city an hour away from me and we were together every weekend and every holiday over the past 2 years and it was always me going to him, rarely ever him coming to me. After everything we went through together I admit it hurt but I know now it wasn’t me… it was never me or even about me… he’s looking for something to fill a void in his life and the one he’s with now is just someone to fill the void where myself and other unresolved issues are until reality hits and he moves on again. He has withdrawn from his family and his kids and I sincerely feel he has major depression issues based on things that have happened in his life. I truly from the bottom of my heart wish him the best and hope he finds what he’s looking for but at the same time I now realize the signs to look for to keep myself away from another massive heart-break.

                                                                                                                                                                • steven

                                                                                                                                                                  WOW! I pray for and understand all of you.
                                                                                                                                                                  But,to those of you/us that are born-again believers in Jesus,(speaking from painful experiences myself), we ought
                                                                                                                                                                  not be having sex or the like with ANYONE that is NOT our
                                                                                                                                                                  spouse.
                                                                                                                                                                  Our hearts are precious to God and He has only good in mind for us, please,please I urge you, “flee sexual immorality”don’t stare at it,coddle it,sit with it, or any thing else you can think of,it WILL ruin ,break,destroy your/our lives!

                                                                                                                                                                  That is not His plan,emotions can decieve,”it is good for a man not to touch a woman”,(same is true otherwise) it doesn’t take much to start the fire, and when(most relationships won’t last) you are alone and broken hearted,
                                                                                                                                                                  the pain and misery is relentless!

                                                                                                                                                                  I love all of you and know your pain,it doesn’t have to be,
                                                                                                                                                                  don’t get caught up in these types of encounters,God can and will heal your hearts,He is fully ready,willing and able,
                                                                                                                                                                  please trust Him today!!!!

                                                                                                                                                                  • Kiki

                                                                                                                                                                    My ex broke up with me after almost 5 months dating. There was a good friend of him involved who also pretended to be my friend. She herself was going through a bad break up agter an 8 year relationship. They came closer to each other after their respective break ups and now they are dating each other. They said it all recently started. But i always knew there was something between them as early as 4 weeks after out break up. Sure this is a double rebound. She has been on a therapy because of her break up. She is unstable and not self confident. I mean she is carring a lot of baggage from her former relationship. Wheather it lasts or not it is not m problem. I hope they are happy, after all i have been through thanks to them! But my question is, wh she got involved with him? Why thete are women without moral and no codes for living?

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