As a Christian singles blogger, I get this question a lot: Should I date a godly person I’m not attracted to? As a Christian single, navigating the world of dating can feel like a delicate balancing act. Faith, values, and attraction all play pivotal roles in the decision-making process. One challenging question that often arises is: Should I date a godly person I’m not attracted to? While this is a deeply personal decision, it’s worth exploring both the pros and cons to help you make a prayerful, informed choice.
The Pros of Dating a Godly Person Without Initial Attraction
1. A Foundation Built on Faith
One of the strongest arguments for dating a godly person is the shared spiritual foundation. Scripture emphasizes the importance of being “equally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14), ensuring your partner shares your faith and values. Even if initial attraction is lacking, a relationship rooted in Christ can thrive when both partners are committed to honoring God.
2. Character Over Chemistry
Physical attraction can fade over time, but character endures. Proverbs 31:30 reminds us, “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” If your potential partner exhibits qualities like kindness, patience, and humility, these traits might outweigh the absence of physical chemistry.
3. The Potential for Growing Attraction
Attraction isn’t always immediate. Many couples find that emotional and spiritual intimacy can lead to physical attraction over time. As you spend more time together, appreciating their personality and shared values, you may discover a deeper connection that surpasses surface-level infatuation.
4. A Partner Who Prioritizes God
A godly person is likely to prioritize serving, loving, and supporting you as Christ calls them to. This commitment to sacrificial love and mutual respect can form a strong foundation for marriage, even if the initial spark isn’t there.
5. Avoiding Superficial Standards
Modern culture often places an outsized emphasis on physical beauty, but as Christians, we’re called to look beyond appearances. By dating someone based on their godly character rather than societal standards of attractiveness, you align your heart with God’s priorities.
The Cons of Dating a Godly Person Without Attraction
1. Lack of Romantic Connection
Romantic attraction plays a significant role in sustaining a relationship. While spiritual and emotional intimacy are crucial, a lack of physical attraction might create feelings of frustration or dissatisfaction in the long run.
2. Potential for Resentment
Entering a relationship solely based on spiritual compatibility can sometimes lead to resentment. If you feel pressured to stay with someone you’re not genuinely attracted to, it could strain the relationship and diminish your joy.
3. Unclear Boundaries
Without attraction, you might struggle to develop a healthy, balanced relationship. Romantic feelings help foster closeness and commitment, and without them, the relationship might feel more like a friendship or mentorship than a partnership.
4. Risk of Settling
There’s a fine line between valuing character over appearance and settling for someone you’re not genuinely excited to be with. It’s important to discern whether you’re compromising too much and ignoring your own emotional needs.
5. God’s Call to Love Completely
Marriage is meant to reflect Christ’s love for the church (Ephesians 5:25). If you can’t see yourself fully loving and cherishing this person, it might not be fair to either of you to pursue a relationship.
Key Questions to Consider
Before making a decision, ask yourself these questions:
- Am I seeking God’s guidance in prayer? Spend time asking God to reveal His will. He may give you peace about the relationship—or gently steer you away.
- Do I respect and admire this person? Respect is a critical foundation for love. Even if attraction isn’t present, admiration and mutual respect are essential.
- Am I open to the possibility of growing attraction? Some relationships require time to develop deeper feelings. Are you willing to be patient and see if your perspective changes?
- Am I prioritizing God’s standards or worldly ones? Reflect on whether your expectations align with biblical principles or if they’ve been shaped by cultural pressures.
- Could this person support and complement my spiritual journey? A godly partner should encourage your walk with Christ and help you grow in faith.
Balancing Wisdom and Emotions
It’s important to strike a balance between wisdom and emotions. While feelings of attraction are valid and shouldn’t be dismissed, they shouldn’t be the sole factor in deciding whether to date someone. Seek counsel from trusted mentors or friends who can offer objective insights into your situation.
Trusting God’s Timing
Above all, trust in God’s timing and plan for your life. Psalm 37:4 says, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” When you focus on aligning your desires with God’s will, you can rest assured that He will guide you toward the right person—whether or not they’re someone you initially imagined yourself with.
Conclusion
Deciding whether to date a godly person you’re not attracted to is a deeply personal and spiritual journey. While there are compelling reasons to give such a relationship a chance, it’s essential to remain honest with yourself and your potential partner. Pray, seek wise counsel, and trust that God’s plan for your life will unfold perfectly in His time.
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