What do Christian single guys need in a wife? Most Christian single guys are familiar with the proverb: “Whoever finds a wife finds a good thing.” Amen! In fact, this is a main reason why many single Christian guys seek out online Christian Dating Services. Since the beginning of time, it’s been a good deal for a single man to have a wife. Remember, in Genesis the Lord said, “It’s not good for man to be alone. I will make him a suitable helpmate.” So when the average single Christian guy starts praying for a “suitable helpmate”, what are the top 3 qualities he actually needs?
Christian Single Guys Helpmate/Wife
I know I’m going to get in trouble in some circles for saying this, but the first thing a Christian guy needs in a wife is sex. Lots of sex. Why? Without sex two people cannot become one flesh. God created sex as a wonderful form of intimate communication for procreation and pleasure. He also put an intense desire in man to want to often make love to his wife. He thinks about it frequently, and may even write songs about it (see Song of Solomon). Ladies, the man who tells you he does not have a huge interest in sex is not practicing heart level communication, or is simply not normal.
Therefore, a suitable helpmate is one that understands her man’s God- created needs, and goes out of her way to satisfy them in godly ways. First Corinthians 7:5 implies that the husband (or wife for that matter) who is satisfied in the marital bedroom is less apt to be tempted elsewhere in other sinful ways.
In my profession and ministry, I cannot tell you how many marriages I saw destroyed on account of the woman under-estimating her husband’s need for sex and/or the husband’s lack of communication on the topic.
A second thing a Christian guy needs in a wife is for her to respect him (Ephesians 5:33). For some reason (I guess we can call it ego) man has this innate need for his wife to respect him, especially in the area of his being able to provide for and protect the family. A man will feel like a total failure if he is lacking in these areas.
If a husband is going through particularly difficult straights in his career and life (ie: job loss, health issues), the wife should take special care of his feelings during this time. When a Christian guy has the respect of his wife, he is energized and can soar to heights unknown. Without respect, his passion fades and he withdraws from life.
The top third quality a Christian guy needs in a wife is for her to encourage him, facilitating a safe haven from the storms of life. From folks like Ruth Graham to Laura Bush, this cliche holds true:”Behind every great man is a great woman.” This kind of woman will not have to worry about her husband wandering because she knows how to “make her house a home” in which her kids and husband love to be (Proverbs 31).
If you are a Christian woman reading this article, you may be feeling like, “Hey, how about my needs in marriage?” Remember, the Christian husband is also called to be a helpmate, and to love his wife as Christ loved the church. By the way, in a previous article we also addressed what Christian single girls want in a man.
Okay, as a single Christian woman or man, you don’t presently have a suitable helpmate. That could be a bummer unless God has specifically gifted you for singleness. However, you can begin to prepare yourself and your future mate by taking some practical steps by faith:
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Pray for your future husband or wife on a daily basis, that God would bless them, and cultivate in them just the right qualities that will complement you.
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Pray for wisdom, guidance, purity and understanding as the Lord leads you in dating/courting relationships.
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Thank the Lord in advance that He will provide for all your needs (Phil 4:19; Psalms 37:4).
Are you a single or married Christian with a different take on what a Christian man needs in a wife? Feel free to share your comments.
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34 Comments
Jen
I am 31 Christian woman and have been looking for a nice Christian guy to date, in which hopefully the relationship will lead to marriage.
Although, every where I turn, the guys I seem to like turn out to be married every time, which then leaves me feeling like all the good ones are taken. Then I know there are single guys that seem interested in me…but they don’t ever approach me to ask me out for a date. I guess I’m a little old fashioned and think it should be the guy who should ask if they’re interested. And I guess I shouldn’t have put my career ahead of my personal life for as long as I did…because now that I’m ready to look for my soulmate…the pickings are quite slim.
Needles to say, I’m getting rather discouraged and thinking I’m doomed to single-dom for the rest of my days.
I realize that the Bridget Jones movies are “R” rated…so please don’t judge me for watching them. Yes…there are things in the movies that I could do without…mainly the language and some of the content…but if you get passed all that, one of the reasons I like the movie(s) so much is because I can relate to the character of Bridget in many ways. There is a scene when Bridget has to go to a home of married friends and everyone else there is either married or there with a date. She arrives alone and feels like the 5th wheel…so to speak. I often feel like that in social situations like, for example, the company picnic. There are a few of us single gals just sitting around trying to fit in but feeling left out as the couples all group together and talk…or the families all go off by themselves to do their own thing, leaving the single person sitting there alone to twiddle their thumbs. Yes, some of single gals talk but needless to say…it’s still a little depressing and lonely.
Then there are the statistics that say…”If you didn’t marry early, chances are you never will”. Great. Thank you so much for that wonderful piece of information. You have greatly increased my hope of ever finding my soulmate (note my sarcasm).
I’m also a little skeptical about the Internet dating game because…well…I hate to say it…and I know it’s now a growing trend…but I still have this idea in the back of my head that says if I do Internet dating, it’s like I’m acting out of desperation and it’s no better than putting an ad in the local newspaper personals. Might as well put a sign on my forehead saying, “Desperate woman in search for a husband.”
And then I heard from someone else that attended the local Christian singles group say, “Don’t go there, they’re all old divorcees or widowers.” So I’m thinking, great…I’ll be the only 31 year old woman in a room full of 50-70 year old single men. Wonderful. I’d really like to find someone closer to my own age very much thank you.
I do pray for my soulmate to come into my life and I feel that if it happens…it will just happen like everything else has in my life and I’ll never see it coming. But right now I don’t understand why I have to go thru this time of lonliness. I don’t know if the Lord has me here in this place for some purpose. I’m sure there’s a reason I can’t comprehend, and perhaps in the future all will be revealed…but getting from point A to point B is quite discouraging.
Any advice you might give me that might brighten my day?
Sorry this has gotten so long…I guess I just needed somewhere to vent my frustrations.
Thank you for “listening”.
John
Glad to see there are sites like this to help believers in their search for their “Lid for every pot” as my mother used to put it. Wish I had known about these sites before I found my “christian” woman who fails all criteria in above article (especially sex!) Doomed to a life of “quiet desperation”. I scream inside daily- to all -take your time-be sure God’s in it or enjoy swimming in the cesspool.
David Butler Author
Dear Jen-
We are definitely praying for you..In the meantime, I really suggest you read this article Christian Dating and Waiting on God. Jen, we must walk by faith, not by sight. That includes taking faith filled risks when it comes to your dating life. Please email us if you wish to sspeak further.
John:
Nothing is impossible with God. I know many couples who HAD a rotten sex life, and God turned it around. What you need to is honestly and lovingly communicate your feelings to your wife. Pray with her over the issue, seek counseling if need be. I know what you’re thinking, and that’s not an option. God bless.
David
Robert
I am a fourty one year old
man
I watch bridget jones too
and how to lose a guy in ten days and any other movie
we are NOT UNDER THE LAW
we are free in christ
I am a man i want to marry a woman
I want to have passionate regular sex with the woman i love
i want to go grocery shopping
I want to read the bible together make a snow man
garden together
but where are the woman that want to be married
to one man
have sex with one man
LIVE for god
have a family
I am so tired of crying tired of being alone
tired of being the persistant prayer man and saying to god
PLEASE GIVE ME MY OWN WIFE
i have suffered alot in my life
and even after all that
my strongest desire is to love one woman
why cant a christian man
find a woman that wants to be loved?
Robert
Jane
As a single Christian woman looking to meet a single Christian man I am looking for someone who will be assertive and will smile at me, say hello and show interest and make that first move. After that, I will definitely show my interest. But, guys, if you see someone you would like to meet, smile and say hello. It is really discouraging when in a roomful of people and not one guy tries to catch your eye, probably due to shyness. Maybe the Lord is waiting on us to do our part and then He will turn our watery efforts into wine.
Terri
Jen: I really understand where you are coming from. In my situation, I’m college-educated but have developed a disability that has really isolated me from meeting people. I have OCD, but try to appear as normal as possible. Now that I’m 47, it feels like it’s pretty much over as far as meeting any potential educated marriage-minded Christian. (even though I look much younger). I do the best I can as a recovering anorexic taking one day at a time. Still, it’s very difficult seeing your siblings and peers from college with their established careers and families. You’re still young so hang in there. I feel young at heart and remember to keep dancing. Terri
DavidDT
Jen,
When I read your long comment in what Christian single guys want in a wife, it made me crack up, NOT because I am laughing at you, but because everything you said about not feeling comfortable with the online dating services or going to singles meeting at church where older people usually attend are thoughts I have had myself. BTW, I am a single, never been married, no kids, 34 yr. old MAN. I also would like for you to know that just like you think all the ‘good men’ are taken, well, I sometimes think that all the ‘good women’ are taken too. Let me tell you something that is giving me hope and maybe it will give you hope also.
All of a sudden, I am going to three or maybe four weddings this year. Three are family members and one is a friend, who is a brother in Christ. This friend(33), I thought, was wasting wasting his time with a long distance relationship. He found someone else and all of a sudden, he asked me to be his best man. Two of my three family members are cousins, one female(33) who I was worried she wouldn’t find some one and one male(36) who I was also worried about, because his ex-fiancee broke it off a few weeks before their wedding that never happened. Both or these cousins are Christins too. The third one is younger, in her 20’s, but I do remember she was an ugly duckling who became a beautiful swan.
Check this out, I used to pray for the older cousins to find a mate, and to be honest, I stopped after a while because I ‘thought’ God maybe wanted them to be single. Next thing I know, this year, I hear the news and I was like WOW, praise GOD!
I have faith that I will also be blessed the same way!!!!
LAL
Christian single guys: keep the faith! i’m a newly converted born-again christian… i do believe there someone out there for me and for everyone else too! how patient will you be? keep your eyes on the prize, just remember it’s not the woman or the man it’s CHRIST!
Michael Osei Akoto
How can I meet meet a devoted
christian who wants to married
a Pastor. More to be tell later.
sally
Just a tip….. Yes, men do enjoy sex (love making), as do women. HOWEVER, there are times in the lives of women AND MEN when sex actually isn’t the FIRST thing on one’s mind. Keep that in mind after you get married.
dream to
Hi, I am 27 years old and have yet to find a man that wants to take responsibility and/ or get married. I date really nice guys, that are nice looking but after 2-3 yrs in a relationship they escape the marriage word frequently. I do want to be married and have a family. I don’t have any kids and i do want them but i want to be married first. I end up breaking up with my boyfriends for the simple fact that i want to be married and they act as if they don’t want to be. I was engaged at the age of 19 and relized that i wasn’t ready for that so decided not to. Now it seems as if i have everything together, career, finances, weight, looks, it seems as if it doesn’t work well for me. I know i have to be patient and wait for God, but yet and still i don’t want to remain a guys girlfriend for 6 years, don’t understand, any advice???
Dave
Hey everyone
I identify with a lot that’s been said here.
I’m 33, and have travelled quite a lot, having lived in 3 countries in the last ten years. I’m now back home, in a part of the world most likeminded people have left. I’ve placed a lot of emphasis on educating myself, and am I know what I’m looking for in a wife. My most recent interest was not a Christian, and I probably handled it badly, but have hopefully learnt form it. We had a very close firendship for two years, but nothing more, and that was three years ago now.
I believe I am emotionally mature, and really want to find a wife and have children. I have been praying for a wife over the years, and recently have started raying for God to make me into a husband. I’m not sure if there’s a real difference, but I hope He will identify areas of my life that need work. I believe this has been happening.
Meeting single Christian women is a challenge, both because of my work and the recent exodus from this part of the world.
I recenty met a lady who I was really keen to pursue, but she lives in another city. I’ve visited every few months, and kept in touch, but I think I’m getting very clear messages that she’s not looking for anything more than friendship from me. This is a bit tough, as I felt she could have been the one. I’m not sure if my ego has been bruised, or if my heart is sore – either way, it hurts.
I’m definitely a slow mover, but I think that’s just part of my personality. That’s not to say I don’t ned to be more bold and willing to make myself vulnerable.
Over the years, I have developed a few habbits which have anaesthetised my “soul” to deal with my loneliness
I’ve been working on them recently, and have felt theloneliness much more keenly. It’s painful, but I’ve been thnking God for it, as it’s allowed me to “feel” fully again.
I seem to move between the conviction that God will bring the right woman into my life, and the feeling that I need to be more focussed on going out and finding her.
I get despondent at times, as I think we all do, but Glorifying God must be my top priority in all my decisions.
Nice to find people that can relate. sorry for rambling a bit
Law
Hi
I have been praying that God leads me to my wife for a while now. I am 32 (never married no kids not on the DL, etc). I know a lot of awesome women. However, the ones I am most attracted to are taken or too old. Sometimes times the woman is muslim. Are there any Christian women who do not drink or smoke , who are not consumed with being involved in every part of pop culture for Christ? I’d like to meet a woman who has some godly wisdom and discernment with knowledge of God beyond being saved by grace.
My problem is that I am too shy. The perfect (looks and countenance) woman practically through herself in my path the other night in Target. She had the ethiopian accent and everything. But all I could say was, “excuse me”. Then I kept walking. I’m still kicking myself lol. I try to say that God has not opened the door. This is why I have not approached anyone. But deep down I hear a resounding, YOU PUNK! LOL
Ill keep praying and looking.
Kathryn Young
I have been praying for a spouse for the longest time. I have dated “Christian” men in my church only to find out they are only after one thing and when i won’t give in they leave. I have found out that the reason why this happens is because i am a single mother. I am raising my three kids by myself and trying to raise them in a loving Christian home. However, it does get frustrating when a man who proclaims to love the lord enters my life and ultimately my childrens lives only to find out that it is not the case. Are there any Christian men that are my age (30s) that are not married, who truly love the Lord with their entire being, and do not mind that i am a single mother? There have been Christian men that i have been interested in but as soon as they find out that i am a single mother they distance themselves from me. What is wrong with being a Christian single mother??? Is this really going to keep me from being with the man i am supposed to be with?
Marie
Kathryn,
I know how you feel. I am in my 40s.
First, let’s not assume just because a man goes to church he is a true Christian. My husband had all the right upbringing and went to church all the time when the doors were open. On our third date, he brought condoms. I tried to get us to stop, however he seemed intent on sex. No, it was not right. We dated for three years, and I love him immensely. He turned out to be self centered and jealous of the kids to the point of abusive behavior toward them because he wanted all my time and to have me give minimal time to the kids. I think it was a sign.
Now, I have been single for quite awhile and I have been distanced by everyone because I am divorced. Divorce and true Christianity do not agree. At any rate, I was with the man I thought I would be with for the rest of my life. It did not work out and therefore, I will have to remain as I am. I have (almost) come to terms with this, though I am still finding myself in love at times with other men, and fighting to keep my distance. So, keeping the distance is a two way street for me.
I wish you luck if you are not in my situation. If you are a single mother because you were never married, then yes – the guy is going to assume you are a loose woman, no matter that you are attending church and trying your best to serve God. Perhaps you may want to come forward in church services and confess to sinning, ask for prayers and also help from sinning again. Just be sure to not engage your children in the mix until you are sure of the guy. That way, your kids do not continue to get attached and detached. That is an emotional ride that they should not be a part of. Tell the guy straight up that you want to wait for marriage before sex. I know, I keep wondering myself how that works because what if the sex is bad between you, then you are stuck. However, that is the Christian way to abstain until marriage. The bottom line – be straight with the guy and let him know that you are dating to find the right person to marry. I hope this helps.
CarpeDiem
I did exactly what your article said a woman needs to give her husband. I gave him lots of sex – everyday – whenever he wanted it. I enjoyed it too and prioritised what he desired, even when I was tired from work or not feeling my best. I recognised that men need sex to feel loved and connected with their wife. I kept things exciting, I spoke words which made him feel loved and manly, I showed him how much I enjoyed what he did to me. I respected him and encouraged him. Even when he struggled with his many issues which hurt me, I forgave him and supported his progress. I was always kind to him with my words and loving actions – I never stopped trying and always did my best to emulate the ‘Biblical Woman’. I was utterly devoted and faithful. I put him first and forgave him graciously.
However, he still engaged in porn. He still sought out other women to stroke his ego, he still abused me verbally, emotionally, spiritually and physically.
I guess what I am trying to say is that a woman can be all that you suggest and give it all in a godly way to her husband, but unless that husband TRULY serves the Lord (and knows that love is a verb and that actions speak way louder than words) then that is not a recipe which ensures success.
Hopefully next time around (God willing) I will find a man who deserves me.
Jayne
I read the last few posts and it seems that there is a common thread, nice people looking for real relationships based upon respect and friendship in a world thats all about sex, here and now. I believe a physical relationship is special and it shoul add to the the interpersonal desire for companionship. Yet in the dating world, it appears to me that the opposite sex is just in it for what I can get tonight. I am not knocking men, but if there is an expectation for that so quickly, obviously some women are encouraging that expectation! I am not looking for a superficial relationship. I treat my ownself with respect. Does anyone know where I can find a nice man that respects himself and wants a friend and partner first?
Ivy
Re: Robert,
I know that you sound exactly how I feel. In Feb. 09 I married, May he was locked up for 6 months on aggravated robbery, by July my mom died while my fake christian husband was in jail, by Sept. I had swine flu and two weeks ago divorced. I thought I had the man God sent me. I was so not listening to God. I am 44, tired of Mr. I’ll be him, I want a man that is singing for god, and praying for others, kind, honest, compassionate, wants to sit and watch a good movie or go look at art. One that is not jealous because he knows that I love him so much and I am so happy w/him that others don’t even cross my mind. I am so lonely, sad and broken that all I can do is cry, pray and prepare myself for that one that I know God is sending me.
Ivy
Be Real
Many of us look for the perfect mate. He/she does not exist. Love is not something we fall into, like a puddle of water. It is a choice. We choose to love, or not. We choose to continue to love.
A physical attraction is great, but let’s not confuse it with the glue that holds relationships together. The glue is the covenant. It means remaining committed as your spouse grows and changes.
Think about it this way. Ask yourself if you would love your potential spouse if he/she lost all his/her teeth, gets a hip replacement, looses his/her sight, looses all his/her hair, develops cancer, gains an excessive amount of weight, becomes paralyzed, looses his/her hearing, looses his/her sex drive, mismanages money. Most of these changes may seem extreme (except for the last). Actually, these changes are simply called life. This is a short list of the things that go in the “worst” category of the phrase “for better or for worst”. It is easy to throw in the towel when things are not “better”. It is a lot harder to tough it out.
It is easy to submit to our sinful nature expecting that a partner give us what we need. Unfortunately, all relationships are the same in one way; no person can give us all that we need. Instead of taking our cue from pop culture, we look to the author and perfecter of our faith. We strive to be, in potential marriage relationships, an example of Christ and the church. It may serve us well to remember that love is patient …, we are to submit ourselves one to another …, and HE cares for you.
I am a 37-year-old single woman, never married. I would like to get married, but I am in no rush to do so. If I marry, it will be a covenant for life.
Sean
I was surprised that a woman wrote this article and came very close to the mark. I must take exception to the comment in the article about respect being linked to ego for a man however, it is NOT! For a man or woman, think of respect and disrespect as two sides of a coin. either we are respected or we are disrespected. This should be self explanatory.
I’m 39 single never married no kids and still in the market, why? The reasons why so many Christians are still single closely mirror why so many people are single in the broder culture of America. OVER HALF of women in the US are single!!! The real reasons have roots in feminism and for the broder culture it IS SEX. Think about it! The “sexual revolution” (a result of feminism) encouraged women have sex without the commitment of marriage. Sex, ladies, is the only thing biblically that requires marriage (that includes having children, the byproduct of sex). We don’t need to be married to share emotions, time, meals ect. Many women have given their power away…
I rarely meet an (attractive*) Christian woman who’s sexual “purity” matches mine (though its not perfect) even when dating much younger women. I also hear constantly from the married and divorced guys I know that most wives use sex as a tool for power and will deny their husbands without the slightest provocation. So it seems many women give it away meaninglessly to jerks of her wild youth and hold it hostage from her husband…Sound tempting to you??
I hate to tell you but as a gender women have come close to doing themselves in, and then blame men for it…Ahh classic.
If you believe I’m an isolated case in my thinking your oblivious. There is now a huge growing trend in this country of men who are avoiding marriage.
Search keywords; MARRIAGE STRIKE or WHY YOUNG MEN ARE AVOIDING MARRIAGE.
Yes men are to blame as well but the blame is 50/50
LoneRanger
My wife died of cancer in May 2008. We were married for 23 years, so I have been away from the Christian singles scene for a long time.
To put it bluntly, it seems very hard to find someone decent and compatible out there, and I’m not speaking just about my own experience. There are plenty of horror stories and sad. lonely people to go around. Why is this so common?
I certainly don’t have all the answers, but here are a few observations.
1. Men and women often have inflated expectations. Unless she’s crazy, an attractive young thing won’t be interested in a guy my age (51), and middle-aged women aren’t going to look like a 25-year old.
Ladies, don’t expect a guy who earns big bucks and is handsome, macho and ultra-sensitive all at once. That has nothing to do with reality. Men who claim to be Christians and try to force themselves sexually on women are worse than sleazy.
Men sometimes want a woman who earns a large wage, but I’ll take godly character and a consistent walk with the Lord over the cash any day.
Gina
Bravo to the author!!!
Im a woman I have had many male friends, and in my past “before Christ” life listened to many men tell me exactly what they need.
As a Christian woman, I read scriptures about how to be a Godly wife.
Sex is required. And not to be used as weapon of manipulation. Even the best of us have pulled that number once or twice. For shame… and throw the rule book out, get busy be creative and inventive and let him know he rocks the boat. There are too many Christians with sexual hang ups and it hurts the marriage. Its not a bad thing, you’re married..go for it. Go team GO!
Respect is key
Straight forward communication is key- they are no more mind readers then we are. Stop expecting a guy to KNOW what you need and want. Verbalize it plain english. If you need a hug. Say, ” I need a hug, please” if you need the trash taken out- ask. Simple
and heres a big one…Say thank you; validate what he does. If he’s a hard worker tell him so, tell him thank you for working so hard, for taking care of the family. If he took out the trash without being asked..say thank you. chances are if you do that once, you’ll never touch a trash bag again in your life because you showed appreciation.
Those are some of the things Ive picked up and taken to heart from my male friends.
When I rededicated my life to Christ- I really wanted and have been praying for the right man to come in my life. Ive met two Christian men this last year, one whom I met online promised love, marriage the whole nine yards and then some. A deacon in his church- I even helped him with scripture and poems and what not while he wrote sermons for different church events. He made me feel like part of his ministry and I had a future in that. He also made me feel like the most worthless woman in the world. Breaking promises. Backing out of meeting at the last minute without even a phone call. Making plan after plan – only never to come through and he was obsessed with the idea of making love to me. When I told him, his lack of follow through made me feel unworthy, less of a person, that something was actually wrong with ME. He laughed and ignored it. A Christian, a Deacon in the church..
The other one I met on a Christian forum, an older gentleman who was married. I looked to him for wisdom within our thread topics, and during a horribly difficult time of my life he councelled me. Well, when my crisis passed, out came his true colors.. he made a series of comments that were huge red flags, he tried to chat with me online allnight when his wife was in bed and made me incredibly uncomfortable. So thats the end of that friendshp.
I only communicated with him as a friend, nothign was inappropriate on my end what so ever and thts the honest to God truth. Many of my girlfriends, married ones, talked to this guy because he seemed so wise and had so much insight as far as the word.
I should say another guy has tried to chat me up who claims to be a Christian, when I say no dating. He persists, to the point of telling me God told him Im too be his wife. God didnt tell me. He also said God told him we’re supposed to have 3 children. I cant have children so thats impossible. I said NO dating, leave me alone..he stalks..another Christian man.
So…what is it? I understand that Christians are human, they make mistakes, they fall and struggle with sin just liek anyone else..but are we supposed to have higher expectations when dealing with fellow christians or those who claim to be? Because I do..I expect a great deal and that is to not act like every other sex starved male who is of the world. Is this too much to ask for???
Anonymous Female Reader
Thank you for this great article. As a 22 year old female, I am glad to hear that Christian men enjoy sex, in the context of marriage of course. I’ve always had this perception of Christian men that they are not all that into sex, but for me as a female and Christian (though I have made mistakes and have a lot of growing to do) sex is extremely important to me. I hope and pray I can find a Christian man that needs the criteria in this article, because I already got all 3 covered 🙂
Tom
I am a man nearly 30 years old, still young by many peoples standards, but I am starting to feel my age, primarily due to my singleness. I struggle with loneliness and depression, but no one would know by looking at me. I never wanted to be single, but for a decade now, I have been waiting for the right girl. I don’t use online dating site, I trust in God. My problem isn’t meeting attractive nice girls anyway. There are plenty in my church. It is just that the girls I fall for, never show any interest in me. Not sure way, by all standards I am as eligible as one can get. There are girls that are interested in me, but in turn I am just not interested in them. Some are even nice and attractive. There is just no Spark! Had a chat to a very nice girl today. All I could think of was, “why don’t I feel anything for this girl”.
The ones I like realize quickly I like them, by me showing them more interest that would be normal. They always grow cold and pull away. Makes me feel like a creep. Just wish one would challenge me on my feelings. I would happily say that though I have strong feelings for her, I will let her decide on the extent of our relationship, and be happy with that. My priority is her happiness anyway.
I do look for a girl of equal sexual purity as myself. It is major factor in her appeal to me. Even if those sexual encounters were prior to being born again, it does not seem to matter, we all live with the consequences of those actions anyway, though not with condemnation. Over the years this priority has lead me to stick to falling for girls grown up in church. The one coming into always have a past. And since most of the ones grown up in church marry young, though I have aged, the girls I fall for have not. I now fall for girls 10-12 years my juniors. I worry people will think of me as a pervert, though I know I would treat any girl I love like a princess.
I honestly don’t think we have a choice as to falling in love. Please not I am not talking about agape. We are talking about eros, “the desire to please the beloved”. You either have it or you don’t. If I entered a marriage without it, I would feel like I was settling for second best, which would not be fair on the girl.
Tater
You all are a bunch of pussies. You need to get real. I’m 32, single Christian male in ministry. The problem is women today grew up watching all those Disney fairytale movies and are taught from a very young age that there’s a prince charming out there waiting to rescue them and give them a castle to live in. They don’t realize that only Jesus can be that man, the one who will love and protect. Fast forward to the real world and we see how women usually choose a man for what they do, how much they make, and have to offer. They don’t look at the godly character or spirit of that man. Outward appearances are deceiving and then I see a lot of women my age who married guys like that young, get knocked up and come to the Lord and are like, “why can’t I find a good Christian man?”.. Hello! You reap what you sow, it is a biblical principle. Yes God can restore things, but ultimately we do reap what we’ve sown in sin. That’s why there are divorces, kids out of wedlock, cheating going on, you get the idea. Men too we have a lot of issues. We think that there is beauty out there who is a 10 and just wants to have sex all day with us… That doesn’t exist. That’s the problem, those ideals are just fantasy and we’ve become a culture that fantasizes (look at how much entertainment there is in media, movies, video games, etc.)… If God bring you someone good, stop looking at the physical features, the stuff that won’t matter in 20 yrs. Look at their heart and make things happen. You have to take a risk, get married, trust God and stop worrying about the perfect person.
ricardo
i just wanted to tell you all my story about how i meet a beautiful girl and eventually became my wife within a year and half. i was 26 years old and she is 25. she is my first girlfriend. and she is a school teacher. i feel pity to robert huh… i pray for you bro. that someday you can find a perfect mate
Liz
This is just really encouraging to read. I know that I’m still young, and that God does have a plan for my life, but sometimes it can be so hard to wait for the right one-the right person. I’m only 19, but it just seems like every guy I go out with doesnt last more than 2 dates. I get frustrated during this waiting stage, and feel like there is hardly any “real” hardcore Christian guys. Thanks everyone, this is really encouraging to see that I am not alone, that there is always hope, and God has a good and perfect plan, if we will simply wait on Him and His timing. Thanks for the encouragment. God bless all!
In my prayers,
liz
Brad
Hey folks,
It’s interesting to read what other have written, I’m late 20s (male) and like some of the other people struggle with loneliness. I don’t really have close friends (male or female). Most people in my church or who I knew from christian fellowship at college are married and many now have kids. I feel happy for them that they have this blessing and understand that they don’t have time for friendships with single people like myself.
I just wish that I too could enjoy companionship with someone. I don’t have stories of lots of dates to tell. I don’t get girlfriends, even short term. They just don’t seem to be interested in me. I have tried speaking to the few single christian girls that have come across my path but I think I am not a very subtle person and so if they sense that maybe I might be interested they quickly shut me out without explanation. I don’t pursue or be creepy it’s just they seem to go from ok and friendly to weird so I just have to leave them to it.
This happened quite recently. This girl (nice girl) in our fellowship started talking to me a lot online and walking to do some sports together. We did this and the friendship seemed to be going nicely so I plucked the courage to tell her how I felt and she told me now was not a good time for her but lets stay good friends. I thought this was the way a decent christian girl tells you she’s not wanting anything more to do with you so was surprised when she continued to make contact and want to hang out. Then overnight she stopped. I tried a few times to see if she would chat or hang out but she just wouldn’t reply. Sometimes she would message me out of the blue and I would reply but then she would just ignore that… so that kinda hurt too but what can you do?
I’m not very good looking but I’m not fat or whatever. I do lots of sport so am fairly fit and wash and keep clean and stuff. I have a reasonably good job and could support a family on it, I had hoped that maybe with developing a good stable career that maybe a nice christian girl would then think I maybe I was a better option for her but still nobody is interested.
I know that maybe this is it and perhaps I should try to be content as I am but hard as I try I just can’t.
I recently returned from my vacations and although I saw many nice places and did some fun things I often felt that gnawing feeling that it would be a whole lot nicer to share this time with someone else.
leah
Im in my 30’s i’m a christian, single mother of 3. Life is hard enough as it is. But I am confident in who i am in christ! He said he would never leave me or forsake me. And he hasnt. Being a single mom with 3 kids has its challenges, but God whom I trust in is my anchor, to my soul, he his my firm foundation. he is my solid rock. whatever i am goin through i run to him. God has promised in his word that he knows the plans he has for me, plans to prosper me and not harm me, plans to give me a hope and a future. And he said if i will delight myself in him, ( abiding in him, meditating on his word daily, continue trusting in him) he said he would give me the desires of my heart. I desire to remarry again. I desire to fall in love again. I desire a godly man. Someone who is genuene in the faith, and loves kids! And because im abiding in him, he will bring it to past in my life. Because God is a good God! And he loves to give his children good things!
Denise
After reading many of the above comments, it’s good to hear that I am not alone in wanting a wonderful mate and frustrated in waiting for God to move in my life the opportunity to meet such a person. I hope and pray that all of you stay strong in the word and remember that faith without works is dead. Just like anything else in life, God is not going to just hand you something you must go out and work to for your blessings and he will do the rest above and beyond.
Stay Strong especially you Brad
-Dee
James
Been going to Church since I can remember. 21 years since getting divorced. Met a lady who’d been divorced for 23 years. We had so much in the way of connections. So much. I mustered the courage to ask her out and we were inseparable for about 3-4 weeks. Like teenagers 1st love we clung to each other. Then one day she tells me she feels “no chemistry”. It’s done. Over. 1st date was perfect and on a Friday. My birthday was that Sunday and we were in Church together. The entire world was like a dream, no darkness, no problems, all indescribably incredibly intensely perfect. Then she leaves. I don’t know why. Just months before meeting her I prayed to God for a helpmate, then this girl shows up and just what I prayed for. But now I’m left wondering why did God give her to me, then she leaves? My heart is broken and my spirit is crushed. Why does life get so nuts? I’m 60 years of age, the girl was 63 yet we’re both in phenomenal shape physically. Both muscle toned that we work all day in the yard and stay up till midnight without missing a beat. Just good genes I guess. She’s gone. Is there any way to win her attention again? I see her in Sunday School & Church. It hurts to bad. 21 years divorced, try once again, only to be rejected after a brief incredibly wonderful passionate start.
Rebekah kefas
Im more touched to what you have said,because im also in the same situation as you and im patiently for the Lord to give me the right soul mate because God’s time is always a perfect time.God bless you my brother!
Tom
All I have to say at this point is that people develop in wisdom at different rates. For those relying simply on prayer don’t wait to long or you’ll be 50+ and single.
I’m 50 and feel better with my life than I ever did when I was 30s and 40’s. I find to many younger women are praying and waiting for something that isn’t going to come along. Again don’t wait to wake up when you are 50+ with regrets.
That nice 50 yo guy that was interested in you in your 30’s is now 70.
t
sue
actually deeply offended by the authors article here. sex is by far not the most important aspect of a marriage. its way more important to bond emotionally and spiritually. sex only comes after. for any man to say -and a your a christian man and should not be using god to cover up any sex problem you have. for any man to say they need sex all the time-is a cover up. sex is only the icing on the cake
true love is about emotional and spiritual intimacy