What Christian Single Girls Want in a Guy

What Christian Single Girls Want in a Guy

What do Christian single girls look for in a single Christian guy when contemplating a soulmate or marriage partner? What qualities make a good guy catch? This question always seems to percolate in any singles groups I have ever attended or led. We found some online surveys about girls (ages 18-70) you may find quite interesting.


Christian Single Women and Men

Okay guys, so you’re no babe magnet? Don’t worry about it because the good news here is that single Christian girls of all ages appear to put physical attraction behind four other qualities that you may have. If you don’t have any of these, you may want to consider becoming a eunuch. 🙂

Qualities Christian Single Girls Want

Here are the top five qualities girls look for in a Christian single guy:

  1. Christian single women want a guy who is passionate about his Lord. Nothing is more attractive to a single Christian girl than a guy who is in love with Jesus and passionate about following Him. A guy sold out for Jesus lets the single Christian girl know that he is not afraid of big commitments as in, ahem…marriage. I can’t believe I just wrote the “M” word.
  2. Christian girls put a high value on a guy who can honestly share feelings. She wants to be able to trust that her potential husband is a man of his word, and faithful to her. It also doesn’t hurt that he is not afraid to cry while watching sad movies. Look, most of us have been burned by fakers and liars, and it hurts big time. For some of you guys who do have a problem in this area, I suggest listening to that old Billy Joel tune, Honesty, and doing a Bible word study on the word.
  3. Girls are attracted to a guy with a good sense of humor. Life has lots of bumps in the road, and a sense of humor will help her keep perspective on what is really important (Col. 3:1) when the going gets tough. Plus, these kind of folks are just fun to be around.
  4. Single Christian girls are looking for a guy who can provide a stable environment. Translation: A single woman finds a man appealing who has a steady job and loving relationships with his immediate family members. This shows the girl that the guy is dependable, consistent and able to provide for a family. This issue of provision is extremely important for a any single woman looking for a mate. Look, we’re not talking Donald Trump here, okay? As my one Christian single girlfriend says, “If he has an operating driver’s license and a job, that’s good enough for me.”
  5. Coming in at fifth place is the issue of physical attractiveness. Christian single girls relay that it’s important (but not most important) that they be somewhat physically attracted to the man they marry. In other words, when a single Christian girl looks upon you, she should find “something” appealing about you physically. You may not be a Brad Pitt, but you almost certainly have at least one feature that is above average in appearance.

Well, guys, there you have it. Whether you meet someone through an online Christian Dating/Matchmaking site or church singles group, what girls want in a guy remains the same.

Are you a Christian single girl or guy with a different take on the issue? Feel free to submit your dating comments.

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    • holly

      “Single Christian girls are looking for a guy who can provide a stable environment. Translation: A single woman finds a man appealing who has a steady job and loving relationships with his immediate family members. This shows the single Christian girl that the guy is dependable, consistent and able to provide for a family. This issue of provision is extremely important for a any single woman looking for a mate.”

      wow. mostly i’m speechless. not to say that christian women who think this is this much of a big deal are spineless doormats, but this is the 21st century. an organized religious institution that promotes female submissiveness is to be destroyed. not that the christian church does this en masse. but there’s a vibe out there that reinforces women looking for the knight on a shiny white horse instead of stripping off her clothes and riding that godiva white horse to assert her femininity and independence.

      well, not that i am condoning public nudity for all christian girls, 🙂 but come on. i’m a fan of dependable and consistent, but providing for a family? if yer choosing housewife, great. but being married to a house isn’t it for me.

      “Coming on in fifth place is the issue of physical attractiveness. Christian single girls relay that it’s important (but not most important) that they be somewhat physically attracted to the man they marry. In other words, when a single Christian girl looks upon you, she should find ”something” appealing about you physically. You may not be a Brad Pitt, but you almost certainly have at least one feature that is above average in appearance.”

      fifth place is where a man should be “somewhat physically attracted” to the woman. first we tell women to look for a man to take care of them. then we lower women’s standards to settle for someone who doesn’t totally physically make you yearn for him while romping naked.

      this advice is dangerous.

      in touch,

      • Kerry


        I have to say I whole heartedly agree with these 5 principles. I was married 12 years to a man who I thought put God first in his life. I found out years later than he was not sold out to God completely and was dihonest in areas of his life that eventually lead to him cheating on me and our children.

        I am fortunate that I am able to provide for myself and my children and God is the center of my life. Having been unequally yoked in marriage was one of the most painful ways to live and I hope that people reading this will seriously consider the implications of compromising these values for the sake of having someone to date/marry.

        Putting God’s will before everything else is key.

        • Elaine

          Holly: I understand where you are coming from that one might assume the author is suggesting Chrisitan women just look for financial security and it seems out-of-date. However, like Kerry, I also was married, divorced to an unequally yoked man. He was also dishonest and did not have many of the qualities on this list. He also cheated on his family. Having a man on fire for God is a good thing I belive. Hopefully,the person is being honest in their presentation of that and not just playing a role.
          As for the financial security. I believe BOTH men and women should look for this. You never know what life may deal you… a divorce, being widowed, a disability of one spouse. Looking for someone with a decent job, responsibility, and integrity is not antiqued or behind the times. It does not mean necesssarily the man is going to be fully supporting the woman… although some couples do decide to go this route particulary when rearing younger children. I do agree a woman should be capable of and have the means to care for herself, but looking for a financial security and responsibility in a partner is a good quality and a wise thing to do.

          As for physical attraction, I believe what the author is saying it’s not the first thing on the list. If it is you might have your priorities messed up in looking for a life partner. Yes, we all want the red hot attraction, but that doesn’t make a marriage work and often wanes over time. You can be attracted to people you have nothing in common with at all. But youu can still find someone attractive without the all-encompassing desire. Your attraction can grow for someone who you trust and you are in a secure relationship with. I have dated men who I don’t believe were the necessarily most atractive men, but they did something for me because of their physical qualities and the other qualities about their personality I found alluring (see the list above).

          • Donna

            IMHO, what the author is saying is quite true although the fifth rule I think is true if you do “settle”. I am not saying that physical attraction should be the sole purpose or the number factor in seeking a spouse but it is important. It is far more important than saying “they (should) be somewhat physically attracted to the man they marry.” You should be VERY attracted to the man you want to marry!
            Also, one very important thing is missing here and that is a man should exude confidence in himself. Not to the point of being arrogant or prideful but he should be a man who is humble and comfortable in his own skin. There are way too many men who are not and they link themselves with women who are just as insecure and as a result you have 2 “half” people trying to be “one” and it can never work unless God is there to heal and restore.
            I have never been married, but desire to and I’ve come to realize that Christian people who want to be married need to spend more time figuring out who they are in Christ than on who they can grab and drag down the aisle. In doing so they would have a much better chance of having a successful marriage.
            So men —pay heed to the saying to thine ownself be true—with a twist….becoming more like Christ and being bold without being brazen creates an attraction that would definitely lead to attracting a mate. Women —you need to stop looking for you answers in a man and go to THE MAN. If you desire to be married work on being a real woman of God (discover what that means), run after God, enjoy His presence and He will fulfill that desire for marriage.
            —Now existing the imaginary pulpit 🙂 —

            • mehrdad-sadeghnejad

              I was a Moslem but I’m now a Christian of about 6 years.
              I want to be married to a Christian girl, but I live in IRAN. Please help me. Thanks. Bye

              • timi

                Hi my name is Kushtrim, and I was a muslim but now I’m a Christian of about 4 years. I want to be married with a Christian girl. Im from Kosova, and I live in Kosova. Please help me and pray for me. Thank you very much. I’m 24 years old. God bless you……………..

                • Christian girl

                  What happens if the man I met has all the 4 values except the first? Would it be possible to get him return to God?

                  • David Butler Author

                    Dear Holly and friends…thanks for your comments. This top five list of things Christian single girls should look for in a guy was accumulated by interviewing single girls about their needs. Holly, I don’t know why the article would leave you to believe that you have to “settle” for a guy that does not appeal to you physically. We believe this it’s VERY important to be attracted to the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with. How horrible would that be!

                    • David Butler Author

                      Dear Christian Girl..I feel your pain..because I have been there. Of course, your “friend” can change and become a believe in Jesus, but you can’t count on that happening. The tough issuee, Christian Girl, comes down to whether we can hang on and trust Jesus to provide what’s best for us in the long run.

                      • Chris Marsh

                        On further reflection the 1. Christian single women want a guy who is passionate about his Lord makes sense in my life.

                        • Desmond Dreyer

                          I don’t totally agree with what has been said. I’m 29 years old totally sold out for God

                          • T Rishun

                            I believe that everyone should first find out who they are as a people and then think about what a mate. I agree with one writer, that two often broken hearts come together trying to piece together a life. Then we will point fingers if things don’t go right.

                            • Myka

                              I’m in the same boat as Christian Girl. I do realize that a college relationship will probably not be my final one (I’m picky about who I date and have only had 1 boyfriend and 1 almost-bf). I’ve been praying about it and am listening for that whisper in my ear. It’s hard to be patient and let Him lead me.

                              • Guy

                                I a 24 year old Christian guy, and I don’t agree with the above. I was told this my whole laugh. I have strived to know God and be open about feelings in an appropiate and progressive manner.

                                I also have a stable job, no debt, and have made many sacrafices for my family. I certainly have flaws but I seem to be as a good a bet for those qualities as anyone, and to top it off I am considered attractive.

                                Most older women have the criteria listed above, but the truth is that most Christian Woman between 20 and 29 just want a guy that they control and support them in their career.

                                • Orgerti

                                  Hi !
                                  I read carefully the article regarding the 5 top qualities that a man should have for a healthy relationship. In fact I agree and as more I read….i see that in some areas i need to work and improve only through by the grace of God.

                                  Hey Donna…thank you for the message because i believe the same thing….we should be complete and find our happiness in Christ first. I learned something important…that men should be bold and sometimes taking risks.


                                  Ps: Hey Kushtrim, I prayed for you firstly because we are brothers in Christ and secondly, since we are patriot 🙂

                                  • Even Steven

                                    Reality check for Christian Single GUYS. Women want a sensitive Christian single guy TO A POINT. Keep your mouth shut when it comes to doubts about things in your life or feelings of insecurity. Get with your pastor or some sort of trusted mentor on this. Talking to your Christian girl is like trying to make her your therapist. She is not equipped for it. She will file these shortcomings in her “OMG he is weak” POP-UP folder, and never forget. Confidence in you is a perception for your girl. Relax guys have fun, make money, trust that God will put that girl in your path. And you have to work that path, be on guard for women who Talk the nice Christian wife role , but can’t live it. i.e. If she is questioning how you plan a date and does not thank you for your efforts. Get ready to move on. Until you find your wife candidate I strongly recommend NO EXCLUSIVE DATING.
                                    And I know you do not want to hear this but no sex, it will only lead to clouding your judgment about her. If she is great in bed you will put up with alot of bad behaviour on her part. Weak women use this as a trap, knowing this fact. STAY STRONG SINGLE CHRISTIAN MEN, CHOSE WELL WHO WE BREED WITH . WE ARE NEEDED MORE THAN EVER. Amen

                                    • fisher woman

                                      Christian single girls:the list seems to me quite guessed right. For me the 3rd point must be the 2nd important one, I love the men with sense of humor. And sincere, that is very important.

                                      • Eric

                                        You must replace sense of humor with Prayer, “Those who prayed over came” goes the saying. There are lots of good people with a sense of humor but they them self struggle inside sense of humor could be considered as an extra thing, these are not the qualities Christian single should look for. When a man or women is connected to God by Prayer , reading the word of God their life change & you know what to do in what direction to go because God’s hand is on you. The fact is when you do a survey People come up with so many suggestion such premarital sex etc.. They will say (If she is great in bed you will put up with a lot of bad behavior on her part) and most of it sounds true appealing to you flesh but at the end none of it works. The Bible is the ultimate book in Psychology it tells you about behaviorism and how to live life, it’s the source/foundation from which we derive what we say and do and in it you get the proper qualities a single Christian girls & Boys should look for when choosing a sole mate. First of all go on your knees and pray & you will not go wrong.

                                        • aien

                                          Wow, I can’t believe this!!! I saw this site and found the EXACT top five things i want in a man. I’m praying for that kind of man…I hope to meet him soon…

                                          • Matty O

                                            regarding Christian single girls,I think in large part, Christian single women have no idea what they actually prioritize, and are largely informed by their culture much more than their faith community. The high value on security is a very western and largely american value to hold. The reality of God’s sovereignty never really touches on women’s sensibilities. Safety and Security are relative. If a guy is really passionate about the Lord, he is probably going to be doing work that is a) not very profitable in the eyes of the world (Galatians 1:10) b) worth being persecuted and even dying for, and certainly c) worth living in a way that favors simplicity and dependence over materiality and independence (1 Peter 4:12-13, Acts 2:32)
                                            I’m not saying it’s wrong for a Christian to financially successful at all, but to do so in the pursuit of comfort or safety is kind of putting the cart before the horse. Job was probably the richest guy in the world, but in one horrible day he lost it all.

                                            • Tony

                                              Do relationships between Christian men and women who attend different churches work, despite the fact that many men satisfy the requirements that Christian women desire in Christian men?

                                              • abby

                                                i think christian women want a man who genuinly loves Jesus, a man who is disciplined in his walk with the Lord but also not too legalistic, holy, seperated unto God balanced and humble…

                                                • Cyndi

                                                  In regard to Christian single girls, I totally agree with the 5 principles. I am currently in a relationship with a not-so-Christian guy who cannot accept the fact that I am no longer sexually active. We have been goin up and down about this sex thning and it’s about time that he just get it through his head that No means No. Hes says that he understands but continues to ask for it. What’s Wrong?

                                                  • CadyB

                                                    Hi Cyndi,

                                                    I’m sure that the other people on this site will have a lot of insightful things to say to you. But I can tell you by experience that things will probably not get better with this guy. It is just a matter of whether to break it off now, or let it go on until things get worse.

                                                    In short, if he really loved you, he would not WANT you to compromise yourself. You have to make a decision that you are more valuable than he thinks you are, and break off the relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I know that this is not an easy thing to do. But Cyndi, I can tell you as a sister in the Lord, you are definately worth more to God than how this guy is treating you, and it is extremely important that you not do what this guy is begging you to do. Keep in mind also, although you may love him, he is doing none other than the devil’s work in your life. In this way he is not loving you back.

                                                    Please take a moment and read Psalm 139, which says “I am wonderfully and fearfully made.” This Psalm will help you to see what an incredible creation of God you are. You are worth waiting for, and when the right guy comes into your life, you will be so glad you didn’t give yourself over to the wrong guy.

                                                    I will pray for you about this. Please let us know how things go.

                                                    • Anna

                                                      I think that the qualities listed above are all important, but equally so. I certainly wouldn’t put physical attractiveness as number 5. Maybe number 3 or 4. And that’s not because I’m shallow, but just because I think you do have to be attracted to your spouse.
                                                      However, it’s wise to remember that different women will find different guys attractive. So, guys, don’t worry too much about it, ‘cos somewhere out there there’s sure to be a girl who finds you really attractive. And also, if you work on your character, she may grow to be more attracted to you.
                                                      On the whole ‘stable environment’ thing – I would agree to a point. But perhaps because I’m young and am busy finishing a uni degree, I don’t think it’s as important as having qualities such as leadership, confidence (but not overconfidence), a sense of humour (yes, this is pretty important), considerateness, ect. And of course, it’s imperitive that he is sold out to God.

                                                      Oh yeah, one other thing. I find it really irritating when guys that are – not that attractive – are constantly chasing girls who are really pretty. I understand that looks are important to guys, but it might be wise to aim just a little lower…

                                                      • robin

                                                        you have to be very careful,i think you should first make sure he loves the Lord with all his heart,soul and mind.that his beliefs match yours.a long dating time is not enough time to really get to know the guy,they never really show their true colors until they have you where they want you.you also have to watch out that they will trust you and don’t have a hang up in that area.I know because my husband has never trusted me and I never gave him a reason not to.we have been together 13 years,he is dying and is going still not trusting me.it’s very painful to live with aperson like this so be very careful girls.i have learned that to be alone is not so bad.

                                                        • James

                                                          I dont fully agree with these principles, ultimately for a woman its all about the money, wealth, money. Christian women from other countries like from the eastern part of the world are better. Christian women in the western part of the world just want it all. They want everything handed to them on a plate. They put their own selfish needs far above their love in the men that they seek for. Men are just as bad also, for it’s all about sex. There are too mant fake christians women who just want it all and the truth is you cant have it all, WAKE UP! Dont you women relise that not ALL men can provide those things on the list? What then? You just blank them, because in your hearts you just want a man that can give everything to your selfish desires! It’s all about with you women I want, I want , I want. No wonder there’s no many men in the church, because you put them off!

                                                          • Peaches

                                                            Totally agree with even steven guys. For the men reading this, point number one is that it is okay to be a MAN! As in, focus on yourself and your walk with God, and don’t look to women for approval, or as if they are the most beautiful thing on the planet that will save you from all your lonely feelings and shortcomings. Lay back, have some fun, and tease the woman (especially if she is drop dead gorgeous). Never admit love or a desire to marry someone until the relationship gets more serious. Discussions like that will kill the fun element early on and make you look desperate.

                                                            In fact, I would say don’t reveal too much early on. Part of being an attractive man is being somewhat mysterious, so do NOT “reveal your true feelings” early on, or you will be considered a wuss.

                                                            • Erika

                                                              At this point in my life I’m just looking and praying for a man who has a personal relationship with God, has a job, has a neat appearance and is attractive ‘TO ME’, and is looking for a good woman. The things on the list are all good and contain elements of what I’m looking for in a man, but he doesn’t have to be perfect. No one is, after all.

                                                              • kareen

                                                                i really agree with this article..thats why theres no doubt that im a certified christian..hahaha..

                                                                • Alex

                                                                  I can’t believe what’s coming out of your mouths. I mean, really? What’s with all this Jesus Freak stuff? Can’t you people move on? Don’t you see that religion is not something that helps you, but something you get stuck on, and decide to settle living a boring life and “praying to your Lord”… I agree, God is a good thing, but not when you get obsessed with him. And also, I think we have lots of time to pray in “heaven”, we’re here on the mortal side of the world not to praise the Lord, but to have a good and fulfilling life. Don’t waste your Sundays going to church and go have a life! And this is from a guy whose family was very religious, half christian (mother side) half catholic (father side). Furthermore, wether your partner is devoted or not has nothing at all to do with him cheating on you. What, you think that people from other religions or with no religion cheat on their partners because they don’t believe in God? Sorry if I’m being crude to you all here, but, you have to come out of church and face reality today or tomorrow.

                                                                  • Christian_Hope

                                                                    Hello Peaches,

                                                                    I agree with you in that men shouldn’t feel that they need to be unnecessarily sensitive to appeal to the opposite sex and that they definitely SHOULD NOT lean on their girlfriend and expect her to be their saving goddess; only GOD can save. That doesn’t mean that men should bottle their feelings and worries up inside, that isn’t healthy for either themselves or their relationships, and God blesses us with friendships to support us in times of trial.
                                                                    However, I personally don’t agree with your idea that a man should hide his real self to create an attractive aura of mystery that is supposed to appeal to women. I want to know my friends, otherwise there is no trust.

                                                                    I think the best thing to do is: ask God to help you improve daily in your walk with Christ and then be yourself! Not everyone has a sense of humour and it’s not the end of your world if you don’t; many people cannot be labelled as “physically attractive” by a stranger but the people who love them don’t even think about it because…what is beauty? If you look through the history books, people’s ideas on what beauty consists of change with the decades i.e. tan was in but now ‘pale is the new tan’, a tall woman was unattractive but now they’re more attractive etc. etc. how DARE we criticise God’s creation? He who lovingly formed us and chose our features?

                                                                    Physical attraction confusing; I know people who are attractive but unlikable; I know people who are ‘unattractive’ but whose personality is very attractive; and yet I find myself desiring that everyone (myself included) be beautiful. Crazy. God puts up with a lot from me.

                                                                    Thanks for chatting =)

                                                                    • joncanread


                                                                      I’ve just gone through a fairly painful breakup. Dated a young woman for just over a year, and it was very rocky because we had big differences in our spiritual beliefs, i.e. Jesus is the ONLY way vs Jesus is great, and I do believe in Him, but there are all kinds of spiritual paths to investigate.

                                                                      In addition, She felt that it was fine to be sexually active before marriage (if you were in love). Even though I disagreed, I allowed myself to get involved physically–something that REALLY clouded my ability to view the situation with clarity. At the end of the day, there was a never-ending power struggle going on between us, which drove us away from each other, then back, then away, then back. You get the picture.

                                                                      Anyway, in the midst of our latest showdown, she learned that her former partner, a non-believer, had just been diagnosed with cancer. Without a second thought, she rushed to his side, giving him round the clock attention, and has gotten emotionally and physically involved with him so fast it made my head spin. The reason for my pain? The amount of physical involvement that we shared. The memories of shared physical intimacy has stayed in my head, even though we rarely got along or were “on the same page” emotionally, intellectually, or spiritually. So as has been said before, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it affects everything you do” (Pro. 4:23 NLT).

                                                                      I’m feeling much better about things, and God has pulled out of the emotional “abyss” pretty quickly. But it still stings. And if I could only give one idea to single Christian men, it would be this: Lead the relationship, keeping it where you know the Lord wants it to be. Then, not only will she respect and admire you (even if she can’t pinpoint exactly why), but you’ll maintain an inner strength and be filled with peace and self-respect.

                                                                      Wishing you the very best in your relationship.

                                                                      • Michael

                                                                        Where is the advice of prayer? The ‘rules’ you read above are more secular than you might want to admit.

                                                                        A girl should pray that God reveal her mate. Missing this step is the fundamental reason why Christians fail at anything. We want to do it ourselves and not rely on God. As a single guy, a girl who has focused on these five things, but not focused on the divinity of Jesus Christ, would be a spiritual turn off.

                                                                        #4 – Stable Environment
                                                                        1 Samuel 2:7 NIV
                                                                        The LORD sends poverty and wealth; he humbles and he exalts.

                                                                        Matthew 19:24 NIV
                                                                        “Again I tell you, it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

                                                                        What say you then to those who have no job? Do they not deserve Love? Is an unemployed man who is trusting God for an answer not worthy of a mate, even one who is struggling herself? We now face a world so overwhelmed with poverty, even in developed countries, that stability is difficult for even the well off to obtain. We’re also told that this strife will never end until the end of our days on this Earth. A single man or a single woman of mature age struggles to survive, because there is no one to share the burden of this world with.

                                                                        Men were not designed to be successful without the help of a woman. If this were not true, God would have stopped with man and never created woman. We men often need a Loving woman in our live’s for us to be successful. If you seek a man who needs no help, why seek one at all? Are you lazy? Are you unsuccessful yourself and seeking answers in a ‘guy’ rather than in your God?

                                                                        Remember that these five ‘rules’ are just what other women are looking for, not what God has for you and his path is narrow. It may be that you were meant to fall in Love with a ‘guy’ that is struggling financially, because he’s refusing his calling to a ministry and God needs you to help him with his revelation. It may be that God has it planned for you to fall in love with a ‘guy’ that was burned over 90% of his body and has no physical attraction at all, but God needs you to help him know Love still exists for him.

                                                                        Know this one and ONLY rule ladies: trust in God or no God fearing man will trust you. The only word of advice you need for finding a mate is to pray that God reveal the one He has chosen for you. The ONE He has. Try to make the choice on your own, with your flesh and you will fail. This rule applies to both men and women.

                                                                        • Micahela

                                                                          I think that those are very good qualities to look for in a man. I only regret that when I started out with the guy I am now dating I wasn’t focused on looking for those qualities. Now I am in the valley of decision whether or not to get married to this guy that I have been dating for so many years and I keep coming back to the fact that sometimes I don’t think he is totally sold out for God.
                                                                          We have not had sex, but we have done sexual things that I am ashamed about and I know is wrong. I’ve tried breaking up with him already but we only got back together. Sometimes I find myself wishing for a guy that was strong in Christ and I could trust to be a leader for my family.
                                                                          We are suppossed to seek the counsel of our spiritual fathers because I’m still not sure about this decision.

                                                                          • Maria

                                                                            I am a mature Christian woman, who has been married and single for extended periods of time. I am pretty attractive and meet ALL kinds of people, Christian and not so much..When I can’t tell the difference between a Christian man and a non believer in his dating method, namely I tell you nice things, we get to know each other and BAM, let’s have sex…I don’t know what to think other than all men want one thing. It is true, we are wired for sex, but my opionion is that people have “delayed” maturing and accepting responsbility for their growth and don’t know or want the full work of being in a committed relationship. There is a lot of inventory out there and woman are essentially “loose”, sorry for the candor..and men don’t have to wait..so woman in desperation will give sex for love and both parties are unaware of what love is.
                                                                            The Bible says it is UNSELFISHNESS…yet most people have a list of what they want from the other. Yes, attraction is the beginning that and the best sex in the world will not keep two people together, in fact it will DESTROY the relationship because GOD’s will is that we align our lives to the Word. That’s why so much divorce and destruction of lives….Wait on HIM for the choice, HE will not give you someone who repulses you. ASK HIM…TRUST HIM…ASK HIM TO CHANGE YOU…INTO THE MAN OR WOMAN HE W ANTS U TO BE…
                                                                            Get ready for no good thing will he withold from you.
                                                                            IF WE TRUST HIM..

                                                                            • Yvette (middle name)

                                                                              I agree with the author, but yes we as women should develope ways to help out with the finances and have skills to survive and thrive if we need to be the breadwinner.
                                                                              However, he did not include our need for great sex. I’m still single & not partaking in that wonderful “fruit” and I am Really looking forward to that. Maybe I am a “man-woman”, but I am tired of being a virgin, and have a high sex drive. I’ve seen on some sites women complaining their men don’t pursue them enough sexually or want that much sex. –eeek! I know i want a man with a compatible sex drive!!!!!!Please keep me in prayer that God would bring my match soon, I am 34 &1/2 year old, attractive, t.g., virgin. I need your prayers!!

                                                                              • Cody

                                                                                This is a fantastic article! I also put together an article called The Definitive Guide to Dating Christian Girls http://bit.ly/bcV6ut it’s a bit more on the sarcastic humorous side, that’s why I really appreciate your post here because it really hits the point home! Great job and I’m looking forward to checking out the rest of your blog!

                                                                                • Gina

                                                                                  Hi, all is very interesting here including the comments. I do agree with most
                                                                                  1. Passionate about the Lord

                                                                                  2. Communication & similar ideals & visions in life.

                                                                                  3. Sense of humour but also not too much & being serious is mystirious, attractive & masculine!

                                                                                  4. No need for a stable environment but having some sort of education & job. Being educated with work experience means he can work whenever needed.

                                                                                  5.Physical Attraction! Ofcourse he needs to be attracted to us & make us feel special.

                                                                                  • Jenny 0025

                                                                                    I think this account is beautiful. I just want to say that if you put God first then He will find you the match He has specially made for you. Dont be discouraged if you feel being a christian demands too much because i felt that way once, now the Good Lord orders my footsteps.

                                                                                    • HEZEKIEL

                                                                                      It is good to have all those qualities ,But God ,his word ,the truth ,the light and the way until the end .it is paramount to be humble and understanding.this the only way to stomach your partners attitude ,character and believe .Jesus came in the world full of sin ,son of God persevered our iniquities hanged around with fishermen ,tax collectors ,doctors teachers all the lot yet he listened to all it should apply to our life whether when seeking for a partner or married .Key word be humble and understanding .salvation is a miracle getting a good partner is also a miracle, some of us do not deserve but God jehovah jire provides ,some of us do not even have a voice ,But God speaks for us ,some of us get into it with nothing to start with but some how in some way they get somewhere and enjoy their life together than those who have security ,when we talk about security be real it depends on what you want for yourself But let God provide your security .

                                                                                      • Grace

                                                                                        Okay, I agree with the first four points generally. But, I would not really put them in a specific order. I do believe passion for the Lord and honesty with myself and others are probably most important, but then again, if I’m not physically attracted to this guy, he’s not the one. God has someone special laid out for me who is everything he needs to be to win my heart. While security is important, too, I would not say it is a make or break because I believe God will provide for us, including jobs and everything! But I definitely think physical attractiveness is more important than you make it sound. He doesn’t have to be attractive to everyone, but he must be amazing in every way for me to really fall in love and know he’s the one God chose for me <3

                                                                                        • Kaylee

                                                                                          The Christian man that I am looking for MUST love Jesus, and believe that his main priority is obeying the Lord. I think everything else will follow suit if that is true.

                                                                                          • Scotty

                                                                                            Well, I enjoyed reading both of your articles…I feel some of the views are are a bit skewed, but hey. I’m a passionate person for my Lord and my biggest desire is to find the right woman that would compliment that passion. ONLY one problem…I’m a complete sinner, I mean I screw up….am still growing….God is still working in my life as He promised through His Word/fellowship/worship. I mean I grew up the “bad” boy and have been working hard to overcome my shortcomings. I’ve never cheated, ever on a woman. I’m not a thief, or a jerk, but I have a past and do struggle. One thing that’s hard for a man is to Trust a woman…at least for me. Never had a problem finding a lady to find me attractive….guess I just have found the wrong ones.

                                                                                            The other thing…wow it’s tough to get a job in this economy when your laid off…guess I’m out of the game until God is ready for me to get back in. Good Luck and thanks for the article.

                                                                                            • Alex

                                                                                              There is a girl who I have had feelings for about 3 years now, last week I finally told her how i feel but she isnt sure what to say, I pretty much live these 5 things well maybe not the #5 haha but she says im cute but anyways what should i do now?

                                                                                              • Micahel Christopher Dombrowski

                                                                                                I will marry a jaw dropping gorgeous saved Christian woman. For those of you who (man or woman) think it’s an out of line priority to have a appearance at the top of your life you are either ugly yourself or don’t have the socioeconomic value to have someone like that. They are probably out of your league and you are giving advice based on your self image. Remember God created everyone, beautiful and ugly. You attract to you what you are not what you want. Get a backbone, God is awesome but I can’t stand weak Christians with a low self-image saying wanting to be with someone beautiful is incorrect just because you can’t pull it off. Appearance is at the top of my list, so that’s what I will get. Once again it’s also a requirement shes Saved and Walking daily with God on top of being jaw dropping gorgoeus!

                                                                                                Proverbs 18:21 Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.

                                                                                                Speak what you want and in due time it will come to pass.

                                                                                                You get what you confess!

                                                                                                • Ant

                                                                                                  @Micahel Christopher Dombrowski. I agree with everything that you said except for appearance being on the top of your list. AS a man it’s hard to put aside looks as not being the most important. But! compatibility is more important because what good would a relationship with your marriage partner in Christ be if it was just based on how physically attractive she/he was?

                                                                                                  • Steve

                                                                                                    It’s interesting I stumbled across this list; it’s actually something that I have been working myself up to for the past couple of years. I’m a young Christian man who is strong on what he believes; I know what I believe and why I believe. I’m not cocky, but I’m in shape. The Lord has blessed me with a decent job while I’m going to college, and I continue to build traits that will one day help support a family and wife. My problem is that I try to take girls and make them into the perfect one… It’s almost like a trap from the devil… I have tried it several; times, of course it always fails. I just get so impeccant; where I live it seems impossible to find the type of Christian girl I would like to marry. I pray for my future wife all the time, I pray that where ever she may be that she stays’s pure, as I have done for her, my gift to her, and that God will help her in all of her struggles she is facing right now. I just wish she could come sooner… I suppose I can’t tell the God of the universe how to do His job though

                                                                                                    • Girma. M.B.

                                                                                                      As a Christian my first love and respect and total adoration is to God the ,because He has greate place in my heart and life,God is who made man and woman that to love and respect each other,then every thing is after love ,with out love no true bond or unity.therefore if I get a christian girl who who can agree on the above point and wish to be mine,I will have big place in my heart and life.thus I am ready to keep that she wished and set as a principle. So hope to listen soon some thing.

                                                                                                      • tc

                                                                                                        Truth be mind they want the same thngs men want: security; adventure; breakfast in bed; told how spectacular they are; & they want to be turned on; they want to get off.

                                                                                                        • soter

                                                                                                          A passage in the bible says that the disciple of Jesus cannot worship both God and money.

                                                                                                          That means the true believers and follower of God is going to be put God first and his calling. Money and the accumulation thereof and the provision of a life of comfort is going to come in second place. When a man is married to his wife, his interest in God is divided. That means even if a man burns with passion and needs a wife, his interests and loyalties to God will be divided.

                                                                                                          This means that the Christian women seeking a man to provide a good home, is not going to find the same commitment to good home-making, as the man who puts the pursuit of money above the pursuit of God.

                                                                                                          Good Christian women would rather have a less devout wealthy man, than a more devout poor Christian man.
                                                                                                          At the end of the day, money pays the bills and as we all know it is money which is the biggest factor in a collapsed marriage and possibly also because a spiritual union is not something which involves slipping a ring on a person’s finger and exchanging wedding vows. That is a secular wedding.

                                                                                                          Long before secular weddings were even dreamed up by men, men and women were meeting, becoming joined spiritually through intimacy and friendship and then sleeping together. This was taking place long long before money was even conceived.

                                                                                                          • Shanice

                                                                                                            I’d personally have a man who is On Fire for jesus and we struggle for money and luxuries because the struggle will keep us grounded and dependent on God. I’d listen to God, let him guide you as he knows us better than we know ourselves.
                                                                                                            The worst thing that can happen is that we die of starvation and I doubt God would do that without reason. If you are saved money means nothing. To be married and loved by christ and by your Husband (or Wife) is and amazing Gift. If you have faith in Christ then you know Money means nothing. God loves all of us. So much. I desire a husband and to me all the points above are in order to what I desire, as well as for me personally, my husband must want a large family. But that is for God to bless me with these desires. And i’d be blessed no matter what.
                                                                                                            We all have different roles to play in life, In the kingdom of God and in Marriage.
                                                                                                            ‘Be not so evenly yoked with unbelievers’ II corinthians I believe.
                                                                                                            It is all our own choice, Free will.

                                                                                                            I dont believe this is for an elder woman, as I’m 19 years of age. We are in the world not of the world’ Listen to Christ.
                                                                                                            May God Bless you all.

                                                                                                            • Thomas

                                                                                                              Are most Christian women this picky and shallow?

                                                                                                              It’s no wonder men are no longer going to church……

                                                                                                              • H. Mickey Gill


                                                                                                                It’s also no wonder why a lot of men stopped looking for a non-existent soulmate.

                                                                                                                • Josh

                                                                                                                  I completely agree. I’ve lived in the Christian community all my life, and the majority of Christian girls are pretty much exact matches to this, including my sister.

                                                                                                                  • Jason

                                                                                                                    Men don’t want to be in a sex less marriage or relationship. Trying to oppose your views of sex on men will end up in dissapointment just as much as his on yours. I have christian values but the way the church teaches sex is to extreme for most people to handle. If you love your partner you should be able to express your feeling without having a guilt trip like your doing something bad. You would not have been born if your parents did not have sex!

                                                                                                                    • Darren

                                                                                                                      This is non-sense!!!!!

                                                                                                                      I’m a guy that fits all of these criteria and can offer so much more and yet never during my 5 years of Christian walk have I had a Christian girl interested in me, or even just give me a chance.

                                                                                                                      I served the Lord wholeheartedly, despite all hardships, never compromised (unlike others who still have sex outside marriage), actively involved in ministry and serve in the background and never receive any credit.

                                                                                                                      The funny thing is I had no shortage of interest from non-Christian girls before I was saved, they just see me as a funny and genuine guy. Since I got saved, I have chosen not to date non-Christian girls , then I had absolutely no luck with any so called “Christian” girls. I even met an amazing girl at one time who is incredibly beautiful and genuinely interested in who I am, I didn’t pursue the opportunity only because she wasn’t actively involved in church anymore. I have since regretted and repented accordingly, I understand now I should get off my high horse and look at non-Christian girls from now on.

                                                                                                                      Apparently Christian girls like guys who have got the “whole package”, especially looks and being “out there”, attractive guys serving in the worship team never had shortage of interest from girls. I on the other hand have chosen to serve in ministries in the background, never got noticed, I serve to honor the Lord, not to put myself under the spotlight. And 5 years onward, every single friend (most of them younger than me) in my circle is either married, engaged, or dating. I got absolutely nowhere. What gives?

                                                                                                                      Christian girls are SHALLOW, that’s the truth. So wake up ladies!!!!!

                                                                                                                      • Random Commenter

                                                                                                                        Actually, the real issue is that our society has become shallow since the 1950’s due to mass marketing and crass consumerism. Thus, the emphasis on the exteranal (physical appearance, $ and perception) as opposed to the internal (moral values/integrity and work ethic).

                                                                                                                        • honeyleila

                                                                                                                          I can agree to a lot of these things, but in the end I want someone who has a sincere heart & open to God & listen to his voice. I struggle though to find. Someone I’ve usually been dating the wrong type of male usually just one who won’t be able to marry me..I’ve dated persian men(from Iran) & usually that seems to be a problem when they can’t be with me or take me seriously it just hurts that they are willing to put time into a relationship & for what.maybe I’m attracted to the culture a lot.the christian boys from my church tend to just play games or are scared of marriege..anyhow I gave up on love & am just trying to find my heart & trust in God .. it will take a while untill God heals my heart from scars

                                                                                                                          • T. Maccarthy Kpaan

                                                                                                                            i am a christian guy, and frankly speaking all the girls that have come my way have been giving me hell. so for now i have decided to remain as i am till the right person can come. i luv singing and playing the piano eventhou i am still learning it. and i need a christian girl who will understand me and respect God with fear. thanks for your tips

                                                                                                                            • wonder777

                                                                                                                              shoot darrren thats excatly what i feel like.
                                                                                                                              most of them are miserable in thier 30’s and 40’s with kids from a guy they were with and it didnt workmout. most ive seen drink or smoke, and have no values other than to be with thier girlfrinds.anfd hang out with losers.
                                                                                                                              if there was one like dawn wells, or shirly temple out there,that liiked to dress and likes to be with you ?
                                                                                                                              than where is she anyway?

                                                                                                                              • Rahul

                                                                                                                                There are plenty of single Christian women at my church. I have been asked out by single moms, divorcees, and women who are older or heavier then me – but I refused them all. The regular Christian women are too picky…I’ll probably get a wife from overseas.

                                                                                                                                • David

                                                                                                                                  From my personal experiences and everyone I have known either personally or elsewhere, I believe 100% that #4 above is all-consuming therefore, without it the rest are only temptations especially IF the Christian woman is both highly educated with Prestige plus attractive. People > a MAJOR problem with our western culture ever since droves of students began flocking to Universities starting in the late 60s is this…during those few to several years from say 18 through late 20s when MEN’s hormones are raging and trump all else, men need a woman often in despair for not just tactility but Occupational MOTIVATION to their hero! Ladies at the same age do not feel the same urgency for well “sex” nor having a child and so, feelings-wise they are much able to cope without needing a male to motivate them through post-secondary education. Their lies the huge problem for decades now in that most all Universities have more ladies then men (Christians included), who then graduate expecting to marry above themselves Economically speaking which is unbelievably impractical. There is nothing worse than attending a church service as I did today and see single ladies there of middle age whom when you talk with them, out comes very quickly for example, “I did my graduate or poste graduate at” blah blah blah “oh, did you attend University and what do you do?” I thought we are suppose to be in church for worshipping Jesus and HE certainly was not impressed (as a low life hmm Carpenter?) with SCHOLARS (i.e. Judas) or the High Priests. Read your Bible ladies and then you will cancel out #4 above according to Jesus’ words w.r.t. ALL materialism.

                                                                                                                                  • Zechariah T. Morsay

                                                                                                                                    I am a man of God, I have lost my wife seven month now I am looking for another God fearing woman. For ministry needs a backup of a very strong influential woman full of courage and hope.some one that will make me happy when I am down like now, I promise to do likewise. God I am waiting

                                                                                                                                    • Katie

                                                                                                                                      Im looking for a guy that can date over txt only and only a country boy…no city guys! If u have kik feel free to kik me!!
                                                                                                                                      Username: redneckforever099
                                                                                                                                      Feel free im up till 12:00-12:30ish

                                                                                                                                      • Isaac

                                                                                                                                        If you keep to Gods standard to a relationship and Marriage and devote to each other without ever entering in selfish desires that destroy trust and cause pain. Jesus was the perfect representation of a bridegroom and passionate about us and his Father GOD…. Why notuse those principles and act more than talk about what a man and a womens role to a working Marriage relationship. Some messages here are humans way of thinking…on how a relationship goes…cause they talk about how he or she was unfaithful…….Unfaithful start in the faith…..the faith in God we have we come out in our walk and in the marriage…..but if a man or women starts to desire other things that bring a block to the marriage……The faith in the relationship starts to break apart…..Trusting in God ….following his principles….and both work hard at the relationship….it cant fail…….what fails is stupidity…thinking you dont need God or daily fighting for your partner…in prayer……daily conversating with eath other…daily doing things together…..that keeps a marrige going strong…..this femineme crap is not in the bible……and is the one cause of men leaveing relationship cause the women does not pray…does not allow him to lead as the bible says men to to lead his family…..Men strive on fighting…and will fight for what they want….but take that athority from him and….he fails!….. KEPP TO GODS STANDARDS AND PRINCIPLES LIKE its your last day and have passion about serving God with all men and women……and watch even the dead relationship will get restored…..but both need to work on it!

                                                                                                                                        • Mark

                                                                                                                                          When I found this article I was hoping to find out what Christian girls are actually wanting/expecting.
                                                                                                                                          I once new this girl who went to church, 3 Bible studies, and to the outside looked like everything their church says a Christian guy should pursue. She wasn’t out of my league in looks, we had a lot of the same interests. After the 3rd time she turned me down I backed off thinking we were friends. 2-3 months later she came to me asking to see if there was a way she could date my non Christian roommate.
                                                                                                                                          She knew the answer, she knew better, and she knew that I liked her. Through all of that she cared no more of me than a doormat to wipe her feet on her way to a place she knew she wasn’t supposed to go.
                                                                                                                                          I held my composure and told her the truth. I did my best to avoid her after this but the day she came to me asking for money on a mission’s trip I exploded in anger telling her just how heartless she was. This and me being stood up by unapologetic Christian girls on multiple occasions
                                                                                                                                          That and me not even having half as much trouble with non Christian girls, has lead me to stop pursuing Christian girls for the last 3 years. I do believe that Christians should only pursue other Christians, but acting as hypocritical, self righteous, entitled, harpies not only hurts you and those around you, it doesn’t provide glory to God where you should. (disclaimer: I have never been angry at a woman for respectfully telling me no.)

                                                                                                                                          • 4Tifier

                                                                                                                                            Looks like I’m in the same boat as you guys…

                                                                                                                                            I once knew this single Christian girl at my church. She crossed off everything I was looking for in a potential partner; goes to church, good with kids, smart, modest, and even was fit with blonde hair, blue eyes and pale skin (which is my physical preference).

                                                                                                                                            However, I never once felt attracted to her. I thought this was just out of nervousness, but that never changed despite how many times I talked to her.

                                                                                                                                            We never dated, but I’m glad I didn’t, because I found out that she was a low-key gold digger who was only interested in me (and her past BF of 4 1/2 years) for our potential to become rich and successful men.

                                                                                                                                            I was very disappointed by this, but I learned a valuable lesson; I can easily find a girl who can cross off everything on my superficial list, but it all means nothing if she does not have God at the center of her life.

                                                                                                                                            However, this does not mean that I am innocent either. I have kept God’s word and stayed pure for a potential future marriage, yet I have had times where I was only interested in girls for their physical appearances and nothing more. This is something that I am only now overcoming since this makes me just as shallow as these gold-digger girls.

                                                                                                                                            • Richard Grossman

                                                                                                                                              I want to respond to Holly I loved what you wrote I am a man who brought up to respect and honor women and i am a bible believing man i know in 21st century the church have either turn cold or lukewarm. yes i consider myself a knight maybe the last remaining knight, but at end of a day they want to spend time with a fair maiden where clothes is not important

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